Andrew Roller Presents
C O M I C U P D A T E
FREE! Internet Edition May 25, 1995
THE COMIC UPDATE ARCHIVES
by Andrew Roller
From: COMIC UPDATE #3, August 25, 1986 and COMIC UPDATE #4,
September 1, 1986.
Guidelines for Researchers: I have dispensed with the Ògrading system.Ó
Where the current address of the artist is known, I have published it.
That Krazy, White Mud-Man from YÕRanus #1, 50¢ + stamp. Digest. By
David Pucket. Published by Randy Paske. Available from Bob Pfeffer, High
School Comics.
Story Preview: Superman/superhero takeoff. SaÕ-Tire, a
businessman from the planet YÕranus, develops engine trouble with his
stellar craft and is forced to land on Earth. He employs super powers in a
battle against an evil villain. A bug, Edgy the Prayer Master, fights crime
in a separate story.
Story Critique: Clever takeoff, but it is left unexplained how Mud-
Man got a ÒMud-Cave of SolitudeÓ or why the great chefs of the world
bothered to give him assistance (or how they even knew of his plight).
Also, if Yodi-HeadÕs sports figures can block and/or repel bolts of plasmic
energy and deadly spermetic rays, why canÕt they catch a giant cake?
Story Complete? Yes, but ÒPrayer MasterÓ isnÕt.
Adults Only Content? No, unless you regard the reference to Òa ray
of deadly spermeticsÓ as such (page three).
Lettering: Excellent, but there is too wide a variety of type styles.
Subjective Opinion: Good buy. Excellent buy for Superman/superhero
comic collectors. There are several brilliant satirical takeoffs.
1995 Commentary: Dave Pucket, Randy Paske, and Bob Pfeffer are
all ÒlostÓ small pressers, as far as I know.
The Krazy Kung-FuÕer Karrot #1, 25¢. Mini. Kevin Bryant, Explosive
Comics, CANADA.
Headline: KUNG-FU CARROT, 500 Copies Printed
Story Preview: A samurai carrot rescues a tomato from potato
highway robbers.
Story Critique: Standard super-hero story. Nothing out of the
ordinary happens.
Art: ÒPopsicle stickÓ style artwork, but the characterÕs expressions
are conveyed perfectly. The characters appear stilted in one or two
panels, but this may be intentional and in any case it fits in excellently
with the artistÕs style.
Special Features: Copies are individually signed and numbered.
Page Format: Two panels per page.
Subjective Opinion: Nice synthesis of Flaming Carrot and the Mutant
Turtles, Blackbelt Hamsters brood. Outstanding overall package.
1995 Commentary: I remember Kevin Bryant as being one of the
most amateurish entrants in Comic Update, although looking at his
material now he does have a cute drawing style. With regard to the
reference to Òpopsicle stickÓ artwork, this is not original with me. It
comes from The Comics BuyerÕs GuideÕs Don Thompson (now deceased.) He
greatly disliked the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (when they were a new,
cutting-edge book), and he referred to the TMNTÕs art as having been drawn
with a Òpopsicle stick,Ó meaning he felt it was crudely done.
Although I got kicked out of the Comics BuyerÕs Guide around 1987
and have not followed it since, I can say that at the time CBG was
uncomfortable with the ÒalternativeÓ comics explosion. It tested their
notions of what was Òacceptable,Ó and worse, it was popular and took
money away from Marvel and DC, for whom CBG had become a virtual shill.
It is my understanding that since then CBG has been besieged by small
press comics producers. They felt they were not being taken seriously and
they put DonÕs feet to the fire about it in the early 90Õs. Of course, those
of us in the previous generation had done the same, but we were arguing
from the (increasingly ineffective) liberal perspective. The new young
turks of the 90Õs were pro-business conservatives, there were more of
them, and they absolutely insisted that (being God-fearing, flag-waving
Americans) they MUST be taken seriously. It is my understanding that
after a prolonged battle they finally won, one result of which was that
Don Thompson died. (ÒOver my dead body,Ó as it were.)
With regard to KevinÕs page format of two panels per page (in a
minicomic), THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE! (DonÕt worry, I never got beyond
two panels per page myself. As they say, ÒThose who canÕt do...review.Ó)
But it is simply not viable to attempt to produce minicomics that have
only two panels per page. Of course, there are perfectly acceptable
minicomics that have only one panel per page, but these are ÒpinupÓ books,
with each page being a different pinup. (Not necessarily of a girl.) And
ÒpinupÓ books are, on the whole, a kind of accolade, meant to celebrate the
(obvious) glory of a character or characters that are already established,
well known, and well loved by the public. So you cannot Òbreak inÓ to the
market doing minicomics of only one or two panels per page, trying to tell
stories in this sort of format. This is of course one of the fundamental
problems of small press comics, you never really have a convenient format
for storytelling. Minicomics are really too small for anything but Matt
Feazell-type minimalist stickfigures, while digests quickly become a
horror of multiple pages that must be arranged, folded, and stapled.
Hopefully the computer revolution will do away with delivering small
press comics by paper altogether.
Blah Invasion #1, 25¢. Mini. Kevin Bryant, Explosive Comics, CANADA.
Headline: BLAH ENCOUNTERS
Story Preview: An alien crashes to Earth and must have his saucer
towed to a garage for repairs.
Story Critique: Nice, but with a boring joke at the end.
Art: Unique art, created entirely by computer. Nothing spectacular,
but effective. Very cute alien character.
Lettering: Dot matrix lettering. Not beautiful, but it gets the job
done.
Subjective Opinion: Minicomic aficionados will undoubtedly regard
this book as a valuable addition to any collection.
1995 Commentary: Considering the limitations of PC systems at the
time, I must assume that this comic was done on a Macintosh with a
MacPaint program. Today it looks quite awful, but for its time I suppose
it was acceptable.
Pretty Bizarre Stuff #1, 25¢. Mini. Kevin Bryant, Explosive Comics,
CANADA.
Summary: A collection of unrelated jokes. Mutant bugs, $10.00
tanks, and a ÒRamboÓ character who blows away people who wrinkle mint
condition comic books.
Self-Indulgent Comics #3, 40¢. Mini. Colin Upton, CANADA.
STORY PREVIEW: The improbable activities of the Ecclehearts clan
are revealed: Uncle sits on the roof, Aunt Martha (apparently) sits in the
basement. GrandmotherÕs wheelchair is hauled through the house by
dwarves, Grandfather plots to resurrect the British Empire. Brother
stalks hallway elephants, Sister nails bibles to the ceiling.
Story Critique: Nice Adams Family style vignettes.
Story Complete? Yes, but the ÒstoryÓ is actually unconnected one-
panel descriptions.
Art: Good. Several panels are excellent.
Page Format: One panel per page.
Subjective Opinion: Good buy. IÕd like to see more of this family,
preferably in story form.
1995 Commentary: Colin Upton is one of the premier Canadian small
press artists. However, at the time he was passing off old books to me (to
be reviewed) as if they were new. Years later, he was doing the same to
Mike Gunderloy (at that time editor of Factsheet Five). Since then I have
seen no activity on the part of Colin, although he is still presumably
scribbling away somewhere.
Fat Man #1, 25¢ + stamp. Mini. Tony Ruzic, After Dinner Comics.
Story Preview: Fat Man goes to the Intergalactic Supermarket to buy
discounted diet products and winds up dismantling a bomb.
Story Critique: Traditional cavalier minicomic story. Possibly one
or two weak panels.
Story Complete? I guess so. It has an unfinished air about it,
though.
Art: Rudimentary, but it conveys every scene and expression with
charm.
Lettering: Poor. Letters are often too light, too dark, or run
together. I recommend writing with all capital letters, instead of upper
case/lower case.
Special Features: hand colored cover. Handwritten additions.
Page Format: Two panels per page. Most panels do not have space
between them, but it looks O.K.
Subjective Opinion: Excellent buy for minicomic enthusiasts. But
donÕt buy it if you loathe elementary school art.
1995 Commentary: I remember Tony Ruzic as being the all-time
Òmost amateurishÓ entrant in Comic Update. His books did have an
endearing quality, although they looked like theyÕd been drawn by a 3rd
Grader.
ÒAndrew, IÕm not into that new wave type stuff with the silent panels and
the graffiti titles...like First Comics and especially Eclipse,Ó writes
Sebastian Brown.
COMICS IN A CAPSULE (Philadelphia) - Publisher Luna Ticks is offering a
package of four Tylenol-type capsules, each with a different comic inside.
1995 Commentary: Recently I copied off Usenet the following: ÒSubject:
LUna-tics From: cmartino@cts.comÓ There was a message, various semi-
decipherable musings by somebody. Is this the same ÒPublisher Luna
TicksÓ mentioned above? Holy Joe will have to e-mail the address and
find out.
V I D E O R E V I E W S
by holy joe
Playboy Playmate Calendar 1995, $19.95.
Review: As many of you know, there is a Playboy channel. The anal
retentives of the world would have us believe that this channel will one
day cause the collapse of Western civilization. But you and I know that
the damn thing isnÕt even worth the eight dollars a month it costs to
subscribe to it, even if you only wish to buy it in order to masturbate.
Every month on the Playboy Channel there is a new, 20 minute video
of the Playmate of the Month on a show called The World of Playboy.
(Actually, though, sometimes Playboy has no video for a given Playmate.
This was the case with Jennifer Lavatory...I mean, Jennifer Lavoie. I
watched The World of Playboy, ÒprimedÓ for her video, and it never came
on. All they showed was a few seconds of clips from a ÒWet and WildÓ
video. This was a video they hoped to inspire me to buy. I did buy it and it
was worthless.)
Once a year Playboy collects up its dozen or so Playmate of the
Month videos. It yanks about three minutes out of each monthly video and
collects those excerpts together. It puts them in a box and labels it
PlayboyÕs Playmate Calendar (for 1995, or whatever year it is).
So, to begin with, when you buy the yearly Playboy Video Calendar
you are actually getting just a bunch of excerpts from much longer videos.
Be that as it may, what is the history of the Playmate Calendars
that have come out over the last dozen years? How do they rate in terms
of ÒmasturbateabilityÓ? They are almost uniformly worthless. Yes,
Playboy made one or two good ones in the early eighties, but the late
eighties are a waste of tape. And the calendars of the 90Õs have been no
better. The 1995 calendar is again a waste of tape. Only Hugh Hefner
knows how to take such beautiful women and make them look so utterly
uninteresting. You will literally have more fun flushing your $19.95 down
the toilet than buying this video.
C O M I C U P D A T E S T O R I E S
The Fading Universe
Part Nine
by Andrew Roller
Chapter Four
Marvin sat dazedly in a puddle of blood on the floor of the
speeding train, his back resting against a pair of metal double doors.
He feebly reached up and felt the cloth tourniquet around the bleeding
stump of what had been, just minutes ago, his right arm. His thoughts
still reeled, one scene dominating all the rest. In his mind Elsa stood
just outside the door of the train. Marvin reached out and grabbed her
hand. Without warning, the steel pneumatic train doors closed solidly
on his arm. Elsa fell against the side of the train as it bolted away
from the platform. Then, like a rag doll, she sprawled backward into a
seething mass of abandoned people and rapacious roaches.
Marvin couldn't believe it. He had positioned himself, Elsa, and
the others at exactly the right place on the platform; close to the edge,
but not so near to it that they could be pushed off. And they had
endured the interminable wait, crushed together in the thick damp air
of the tunnel.
Marvin shuddered reflexively as his mind's eye pictured the first
train as it came in, filled with ebony beetles. Almost immediately
afterward a second train had pulled in on the opposite side of the
platform. Behind them. Of course. There were two sides to the
platform, each with its own track, and Marvin had picked the wrong
side. It had been a 50/50 gamble, and (like so often lately) heÕd picked
the losing side. Marvin's mind shifted from the rush across the
platform to the wrenching pain that had shot through his body when his
extended arm, caught in the door and sticking out of the train, had been
ruthlessly clipped off by the cinderblock wall as the train passed into
the tunnel.
"Hey, I think I know who that skinny boy is," a burly passenger
said of Perry, who had awakened from a traumatized fatigue and was
sitting on the floor near Marvin.
"You're right, I know him too," a middle aged man said angrily. "He
was on the evening news last night. That kid is Perry, the head of the
gang that blew up South Haven elementary school!"
"No, you're mistaken," Marvin mumbled, grimacing with pain as he
turned his head. "He's just a high school student at Brownbury. Honors,
in fact."
"And who are you, his mother?" the burly man yelled. "I know a
face when I see one!"
The loss of Marvin's arm had attracted the attention of the entire
train. Someone had bandaged it for him. Someone who claimed to be a
doctor. Marvin couldnÕt remember who now, heÕd been dazed, in shock.
A face in the crowd. A face among faces. And all the faces had been
staring at him.
And someone, staring long enough, had recognized Perry now.
Marvin felt more trapped than ever, and he was in no condition to fight,
to do anything really, except maybe to die.
Suddenly the passengers, pent up and with no one to blame for
their agony, were in a frenzy. The crowd closed in. Fists began to fly.
Blind rage rippled in toward Marvin like some in-sucking whirlpool, and
he was at the vortex. It was as if he were sucking in all the hate in the
world, and he knew it must consume him.
C O M I C U P D A T E N E W S
Reported by holy joe
TodayÕs question is this, dear reader: Why is it that the renowned
P.D. Wilson has not made a minicomic since 1987? He doesnÕt work. He
doesnÕt live with his wife Carol Horny. What is he doing with all his
free time? This burning question I had to answer, but this called for a
new level of reporting: INVESTIGATIVE REPORTING! I knew I could not
merely wander into the ranks of Mike Wallace and Dan Rather. I needed
practise. Experience. Fortunately, with a little thought, I figured out
where a penniless hobo like myself could gain such experience. At the
very window of P.D.Õs ex-wife!
I set myself up in a flower box outside her window, behind the
hedge. To my amazement I found she was putting on a porno show every
night! And each show featured a different male star. She was not only
a source of education, but of entertainment. In addition to my
notebooks, I brought popcorn. And no policeman arrested me when I did
my Pee Wee Herman imitation. ÒOutside schoolingÓ does have its
advantages!
After satisfying myself that I was indeed an investigative
reporter, I decided to move on to new targets. Having fully explored
Carol, her "ex" was the next logical choice. (Maybe I could even get her
to pay me for information about him!)
Two months of intense investigation followed. I recorded the
number of times Wilson ate, slept, and went to the bathroom. I also
recorded the number of times he took his neighbor's poodle for a "walk."
What I learned that is of interest to the small press, however, is
that P.D. Wilson has not been busy publishing minicomics because he is
busy writing his life story. Normally secretive, Wilson confessed when
I confronted him with my surreptitiously acquired knowledge. He asked
how I knew but I merely replied that my sources and methods were
confidential. I interviewed him and this is what he told me:
"Yes, it is true that I am writing my life story. When it is
complete, it will be in 13 volumes. It will be titled The Life and Great
Works of P.D. Wilson. Since Dockery used to buy my art from me, I
expect him to buy this too. I will want a free cup of coffee for each
page. (And a Burger King cup at that, not one of his homemade cups.)"
I asked Wilson if he had any other books planned. A biography,
perhaps, of Ian Shires?
ÒNo,Ó Wilson said. ÒHis life is not extensive and wide-ranging
like mine. His life is: I came, I saw, I charged admission.Ó
ÒWhat about Tim Corrigan?Ó
ÒI came, I boasted, I went bankrupt.Ó
"How about," I asked, thinking hard, "a Life of Roller?"
ÒI came, I saw, I masturbated.Ó
ÒThen there is no hope for them,Ó I said. ÒThey will simply have
to read the story of your life if they want to know what living is really
like.Ó
ÒYes,Ó Wilson replied. ÒI feel that two minicomics is more than
enough for me. The sheer greatness of those two works, even with
their misspellings, outweighs all the other minicomics produced in the
world. This is why I have ceased production. I must now spend my days
examining the great mind that produced such twin triumphs of
minicomicdom. It will involve years of effort and labor, but when
completed this Summa Comica, as it were, will thoroughly interpret
the body of work that I have produced. And it will examine the life that
led to such artistic greatness, and how I coped in the years after,
knowing I had thrust such splendor into the world. It was an
unappreciative world, one that failed to admire my works or admit my
greatness. It kicked me out of my only house, forced me to take up
residence in a tomato crate, and currently Update readers will want to
know that I have an apartment in public housing. Yes, it is a dogÕs life
for a great mind to be the only one to know of its greatness.Ó
ÒBy the way,Ó I said. ÒI am new to the small press. May I read
those two minicomics you produced?Ó
ÒNo,Ó he replied, his voice low and somber. ÒThey are lost works.
That is the greatest tragedy of all.Ó
N O T I C E : There was no May 22-24 Comic Update. (I had to attend a
porno convention.)
ROLLER PUBLICATIONS Free for a greeting-card SASE (or $1.00) from:
Jim Corrigan, P.O. Box 3663, Phenix City, AL 36868. COMIC UPDATE
(Library of Congress ISSN: 0894-5195): small press comix. NAUGHTY
NAKED DREAMGIRLS (Library of Congress ISSN: 1070-1427): sex stories.
(Include an age statement-18 or over.) DREAMGIRLS WITH SHAMAN:
poetry. This is online issue number 10 END OF TRANSMISSION
Subj: Comic Update May 25, 1995 Playboy, Don Thompson