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                                        holy joe confesses


         Today I turned on the news and I see that, once again, we Americans 
are being stripped of our rights.  In addition to baseball games where 
women are allowed to carry in a handbag but no man can (talk about 
sexism), I see America is now terrorized by white powder.  So-called 
ÒhoaxesÓ in Florida, related to white powder, are guaranteeing their 
ÒperpetratorsÓ felony convictions and a decade in prison.
         Currently I am in Florida.  I am looking for work, so I am travelling 
around the state to that end.  (So far, no luck.  No preschool, it seems, 
wants to hire me.)  I hate to put myself in line for a prison term, but I 
hate even more seeing us Americans strip ourselves of our freedoms.
         Uh, guys.  I have dandruff.  This is probably the source of the white 
powder ÒhoaxesÓ you have been experiencing.  I know it seems rather odd 
that the worldÕs sole superpower can be terrified of one lone hobo with a 
scalp problem, but this is apparently the case.
         Please, America.  Do not be afraid of my dandruff.  Do not use it as 
an excuse to kill more children in Afghanistan.  HavenÕt we already killed 
enough children in Iraq?  Of course, those werenÕt white children... but 
still, you would think we would have some respect for them.
         I will try to solve my scalp problem.  God knows, I guess I have to.  
IÕm planning to look for work in Washington D.C. if I canÕt find anything in 
Florida, and I would hate to see our nationÕs capitol more terrorized than 
it already is.  I was planning to tour the White House, but I wouldnÕt want 
our president to have to go and hide in Nebraska again, just because I came 
by with my dandruff problem.
         Recently I was going to try to solve my body odor problem with Arm 
and HammerÕs baking soda, but I guess thatÕs out.  God forbid, IÕd probably 
launch Armageddon if I wandered around Washington with dandruff plus 
baking soda.

30

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