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         Once again you are in a position to read a sex story written by 
someone whoÕs never even held hands with a girl.  (Or woman, but whoÕs 
counting?)  No doubt there are better things to do in life besides reading a 
sex story by a total virgin, but you obviously havenÕt found them.


-----------------------[story is grand opening]-------------------


                                           WhatÕs in a Name?
                                                 by holy joe


         I have decided to legally change my name.  I am fed up with this 
world and how I am being treated.  ItÕs payback time.  No, IÕm not looking 
to go on a crime spree with my new name, and I already discarded the 
possibility of changing my name to Òfucking assholeÓ.
         Imagine, if you will, me going into the Department of Motor Vehicles 
to get my driverÕs license renewed.  There sits a big burly cop behind the 
registration desk, who has an attitude problem and has been pulled off the 
beat.
         ÒWhatÕs your name?Ó he asks.  (There truly was such a person 
waiting for me the last time I renewed.)
         ÒBoner Boy,Ó I say.
         ÒWhat?!Ó
         It will be a pretty good name.  However if for some reason I wind up 
in prison, you can be sure IÕll quickly change my name to ÒBoner Boy With 
AIDSÓ.  I always did want one of those George Herbert Walker Bush four-
word names.
         (Incidentally, did you ever think of getting a sex change operation 
and then getting sent to a womenÕs prison?  Or how about a girlÕs reform 
school?)
         The actor Timothy Bottoms has an interesting name.  Is that what 
they call him on the set?  ÒOh, Mr. Bottoms, would you please come here?  
WeÕve gotta do that gay sex scene in our prison film.Ó  I hear he has a 
daughter.  He liked the comic book Cherry (as do I), so he named his 
daughter Cherry Bottoms.  Unfortunately he named her before she was 
born, and his babyÕs ultrasound got mixed up with that of another parentÕs 
child.  So in fact Timothy didnÕt have a daughter, but a son.  The boy is now 
grown, and wouldnÕt you know, even though heÕs straight his unfortunate 
luck just keeps rolling along.  HeÕs said to feel uncomfortable ordering 
drinks in bars where he lives, in San Francisco.  Especially when the 
bartender says, ÒLet me see your driverÕs license son.  Are you of legal 
age?  Yes, well I guess you are, Mr. Cherry Bottoms!Ó
         In my case, I am thinking of a career as well as a name.  I would like 
to be a preschool worker.  IÕm half Black (my dick), so IÕm always 
sensitive to discrimination.  Nonetheless IÕm going to pursue my name 
change, and if itÕs not going to be ÒBoner BoyÓ perhaps it will be ÒMr. 
Molester.Ó  Just to prove that thereÕs no discrimination in America.  Or 
maybe I should change my name to ÒSpankyÓ.  (ÒNot your childÕs bottom, 
maÕam, my dick!Ó)
         Imagine being on an airplane and hearing, ÒThis is your pilot 
speaking, Mr. Bin Laden.Ó  Could a judge stop you if you really wanted to 
change your name to that?  After introducing yourself to the passengers 
you could say, ÒOoops, I think my Macintosh just bombed.  Damn, why does 
it always have to crash?  If it does it again, IÕm going to blow up!  Oh shit, 
now my battery packÕs died.Ó  Then you could tell the co-pilot to quit 
passing gas, and complain that the air conditioning must not be working 
Ôcause youÕre burning up.  Not that the people in the air traffic control 
tower would fall for this little bit of humor, of course.  TheyÕd probably be 
all hot about it.  Tell them not to get so fired up.  Then remind the 
passengers to collapse their tray tables, and quit smoking.  After all, 
youÕve got a plane to fry... I mean, fly!

30

----------------------- Dreamgirls! -----------------------
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     Usenet Newsgroup:  alt.sex.stories.moderated
-- Great art books by David Hamilton and Jock Sturges are at:
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-- Naked little girls/politics:  http://www.AlessandraSmile.com
     Man/boy love:  http://www.nambla.de  Politics:  http://www.lp.org
     http://www.isil.org  http://www.fear.org  http://www.fija.org
     http://www.aclu.org
-- Naughty Naked Dreamgirls (Library of Congress ISSN: 1070-1427)
     is copyright 2001 by Andrew Roller.  Dreamgirls, Naughty Naked
     Dreamgirls, and NND are registered trademarks of Andrew Roller.
     All rights reserved.
-- Visit me at:  http://home.earthlink.net/~roller666/index.html
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