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                                        Andrew Roller Presents
 
                                                GIRL PATROL

                                                 Chapter Six

         HeÕd learned to survive the werewolves and the vampires, and heÕd 
prospered.  He was known as Daedal Osiris, but he knew himself by a 
simpler name:  Fat Arnold.
         For five billion years heÕd slept under the unmoving Arizona desert, 
kept alive by solar cells that slowly wilted in the hot sun but somehow 
kept working.  Henry Dorkson had been an ingenious inventer.  Just a 
trickle from the original solar array was all that was left when Fat 
Arnold finally awoke.  But it was enough, just barely, to keep Arnold from 
joining the dead.  In the meantime the whole planet had slipped over the 
edge; nothing but corpses were left to roam now, plus spirits and a few 
wolves.  And the occasional human, though they were best off keeping 
themselves under wraps, like Fat Arnold did.
         Everyone Fat Arnold knew in Darkness City thought he was dead like 
they were.  They thought he fed on the occasional human stupid enough to 
wander into town, or on the ghouls, humans who had received the kiss 
from a vampire but none of the benefits.  Fat Arnold kept the requisite 
supply of ghouls on hand, but they were remarkably healthy and fit, not 
half-drained like most ghouls owned by a vampire.  And with his slowly-
built garrison of ghouls, Fat Arnold began to play vampire politics in 
Darkness City.  Now, with Vlad Tristen and Esmelda fled into the past, he 
was number one, the head honcho.  And he planned to enjoy every minute of 
it.  At least for as long as the sun lasted.  Fat Arnold came outdoors, high 
up in his tower that loomed spire-like over Darkness City.  He shielded his 
eyes, wearing sunglasses, and looked up at the sun.  He let its red light 
fall onto his skin; he had nothing to fear.  Not from the light, anyway.  But 
how long would it last?  How long before the damn thing gave up the ghost 
and blew up?  For ten billion years life had thrived on earth, and unlife 
too, without a thought for the out-of-control nuclear reactor that blazed 
there in the sky, rising in the east, setting in the west, day in and day out, 
seemingly for eternity.
         Now eternity was over.  And it was Fat ArnoldÕs lot to be stuck at 
the end of it.  Arnold scowled at the sun.  The free lunch at McDonaldÕs had 
turned into a five billion year sleep and now the free life-giving sunshine 
was about to turn into a bomb.  Vlad and Esmelda had managed to arrange 
their escape into the past, but what about everyone else, alive and dead, 
who lived on this dying planet?  Were they just to sit here until the end?  
Waiting to be roasted?  A morbid fear that Fat Arnold had possessed, ever 
since he saw Willy Wonka back in the 1970Õs, was that his overweight 
body would somehow be cooked and eaten.  Well, the sun, whose rays 
seemed to shine so benignly down on him, if somewhat off-color, seemed 
set to turn that fear into reality.  Fat ArnoldÕs only consolation was that 
the others, spread out below him in Darkness City, didnÕt realize the end 
was near.
         Fat Arnold laughed.  Yes, the old lie spoken by crazy men in his 
childhood was finally about to come true.  The end was really near, and 
wouldnÕt you know, Vlad and Esmelda had left him in charge of the place, 
like the last President of South Vietnam, appointed in the final agonized 
hours of that country by its previous president, who fled successfully to 
the United States.  Well, Fat Arnold might have been dull and lazy in his 
youth, if not as cow-stupid as his playmates assumed (He did, after all, 
follow the fall of South Vietnam avidly in his fatherÕs Newsweek and Time 
magazines when it happened), but he wasnÕt going to take the end lightly.  
He was going to get out of here, Fat Arnold growled to himself.  And he 
was going to pull out all the stops to do it, just like Vlad and Esmelda had 
done.  He would build his own time machine, and he would...
         Fat Arnold paused.  His chubby hands gripped the railing along the 
parapet where he was standing.  The cryogenic machine!  It was still lying 
out there, in the desert, under the waning sun.  If he got some of his ghouls 
to set it up, he could go back.  To his past!  He could perhaps even choose 
the same time heÕd come from:  he could watch the fall of South Vietnam 
all over again, perhaps even start his own news network to cover it, live, 
ahead of Ted Turner and...
         The possibilities were endless, if only Arnold could get out of here.  
Children of his youth might have thought of space travel as a way to 
escape.  But going to the moon or Mars didnÕt get you far enough away from 
a star that was set to explode.  There was no way to get out of the solar 
system and stay alive, out there in the dark reaches of space between the 
stars.  And the next star, what was it called?  Fat Arnold didnÕt know and 
he also didnÕt know if it was far enough away to avoid the blast of earthÕs 
exploding sun.  No, the best bet was the past, and Vlad and Esmelda, 
disappearing suddenly into it with the machine theyÕd built, were proof, in 
their nonexistence, of the fact that time travel would work.  Fat Arnold 
didnÕt know where the two had gotten the know-how to build their 
machine, but it was sort of like knowing that the Atom bomb had in fact 
blown up over Hiroshima; it was proof that the theory could become 
reality.
         ÒHow much time do I have?Ó Fat Arnold asked of the sun, as it 
glowed hotly on his cheeks.  And the sun seemed to answer him:  Òall there 
is, provided you go back to where you came from.Ó  Fat Arnold let go of the 
railing and turned back toward the darkness of the rooms inside his tower.  
Somewhere amidst the pile of books and half-dead computer memories 
that Vlad and Esmelda had left behind must be the answer to their escape.  
They had left him in charge of Darkness City, but that was nothing 
compared to what theyÕd left, jumbled and seemingly worthless to the 
average vampire, in their study.  Knowledge.  Fat Arnold surveyed the room 
that had once belonged to Vlad and Esmelda, and considered the cryogenic 
chamber under the desert.  Together, both might be somehow combined to 
get him out of here.  It was worth a try, anyway.  ÒGhouls!Ó Fat Arnold 
called.  A human came rushing into the room, well-dressed and ready for 
whatever its master commanded.  ÒSearch the computer memories for the 
word Ôtime travelÕ and let me know what you find,Ó Fat Arnold ordered.  It 
seemed like a lame way to start, but wasnÕt it Chairman Mao who had said 
something about a journey of a thousand miles beginning with a single 
step?  Fat ArnoldÕs father had always quoted that to him when Arnold 
complained he was fat and his father told him to exercise.
         ÒIs Master interested in travelling into the past?Ó the ghoul asked 
with frightening perception.
         ÒOf course not,Ó Fat Arnold answered.  ÒThatÕs impossible.  Vlad and 
Esmelda told me to work on this research project while theyÕre away.  Get 
busy; donÕt just stand there.Ó
         ÒOf course, Master,Ó the ghoul said in an irritatingly raspy voice.  He 
went to a computer screen, tapped on it.  The screen came to life and 
glowed into his face, much as the sun had been glowing on Fat ArnoldÕs 
face.  Behind Fat Arnold the door to the porch where the sun shone was 
now locked; the ghoul must never know, as indeed Vlad and Esmelda never 
knew, that Fat Arnold was human, living flesh.  It was why Arnold always 
wore a cloak, pulled tight across the mouth and tied, to cover his 
breathing.  It was why the fabric of the cloak was especially heavy, to 
cover the fact that underneath his pulse was beating and blood was 
flowing in his veins.  When heÕd arrived in this God-forsaken future heÕd 
been an innocent, but heÕd learned, the hard way.  And heÕd avoided 
becoming a ghoul like some many humans, those who survived anyway, did.  
Fat Arnold looked with contempt at the ghoul manning the computer.  He 
thought he was so smart, yet there he sat, with breath easily detectible 
coming from his mouth and nostrils, with his pulse almost visible in the 
veins running along his neck.  Anyone who got close to him could see he 
was a living thing:  a Òblood dollÓ, as the vampires disparagingly called 
humans.  Despite his apparent stupidity, in the eyes of Henry Dorkson and 
Milton, Fat Arnold had learned what almost no other humans in this far 
flung future knew:  to live, you had to pretend to be dead.
         ÒIÕll be in my coffin until the sun sets.  Let me know what you find,Ó 
Fat Arnold told the ghoul.
         ÒYes, Master,Ó the ghoul answered, tapping away on the computer 
screen.
         ÒAnd make your weekly donation to my blood bank downstairs if you 
havenÕt already.  Only a pint.Ó  Fat Arnold grinned.  ÒYouÕre lucky my 
special medicines keep me from needing to drain more out of you.Ó
         ÒYes, Master.  So lucky,Ó the ghoul admitted, still keeping his eyes 
on the computer.  And so Fat Arnold went downstairs, along the ill-lit 
circular stairway.  And down in the wine cellar that had so recently been 
Vlad and EsmeldaÕs, he got into the big black coffin.  It unnerved him to 
sleep in a box; heÕd passed five billion years unnoticed in a plexiglass box.  
But he did it anyway, for vampires were expected to.  As he shut the lid he 
didnÕt feel like sleeping.  He felt like being very awake, in 1978.  And he 
would kick the asses of two geeks if he ever got back there.

30

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