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Andrew Roller Presents
NAUGHTY NAKED DREAMGIRLS
in
BIKINI BRIGADE
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Chapter Thirteen
ÒWhere are those damn peanuts?Ó Licorice Lad asked. He sat alone in
his throne room. He adjusted the candied turban sitting atop his head. He
gazed from his throne down the long, red-glazed hallway that lay outside
the throne room. A tromping was heard.
A peanut appeared. ItÕs hands were bound behind its back.
ÒGood day to you, great lord Licorice Lad!Ó the peanut said in a
quavering voice. Another peanut appeared behind it.
ÒA curse upon you!Ó the peanut said to Licorice Lad.
A whole file of peanuts, one by one, walked up steps from the
dungeon and into the throne room.
ÒWho are you?Ó Licorice Lad asked the peanuts. They all had their
hands tied behind their backs.
A gingerman came tromping up the stairs. ÒMaster, we still cannot
find the royal axe,Ó the gingerman said.
ÒFie on it!Ó Licorice Lad said. ÒWho are these peanuts?Ó
ÒThe Peanut Power People,Ó the gingerman said. ÒWe have brought
them upstairs to be executed.Ó
ÒWell itÕs about time!Ó Licorice Lad said. ÒI donÕt care where theyÕre
executed. Just *do* it, you big oaf!Ó
ÒThere are a lot of people, master,Ó the gingerman said. He turned.
More tromping was heard. ÒHere come the Gingerman Autonomists.Ó
A file of gingermen came into the room. Their hands were tied
behind their backs, just like the hands of the peanuts. They were all tied
with black licorice. Moving along and behind the column were gingermen
guards, loyal to Licorice Lad.
ÒIt is best if you pronounce sentence on them, master,Ó the
gingerman said to Licorice Lad. ÒThen we will kill them. That way, even
though we do not have the royal axe, they may be done away with
according to royal protocol.Ó
ÒAlright,Ó Licorice Lad said. ÒBut if weÕre going to do everything
according to protocol,Ó Licorice Lad said, Òwhere are those two peanuts I
sent out to have robes made to be my royal attendants? Percy and Paul?
Who accompanied them to Peanut Province?Ó
The gingerman gazed at his fellows.
ÒNobody accompanied them, master,Ó the gingerman said. ÒTheyÕre
just-- two stupid little peanuts. We paid them no attention.Ó
ÒWhat?!Ó Licorice Lad yelled. ÒThatÕs a direct contradiction of my
orders!Ó Licorice Lad cried. ÒMy royal orders!Ó
ÒBut master, they empty our garbage,Ó the gingerman said. It
appeared confused.
ÒThey *used* to empty your garbage, you big oaf! Now theyÕre my
attendants! My royal attendants!Ó Licorice Lad yelled. ÒOff with your
heads! Off with all your heads!Ó
Katie and I came running down the hall. I gazed at the red glazed
walls. But there was no time to admire them. I could see by all the people
in the room beyond, with their hands tied behind their backs with black
licorice, that our services were needed.
We burst into the room. We began firing at all the gingermen.
ÒWeÕre the Bikini Brigade!Ó Katie yelled.
ÒThe Bikini Brigade!Ó I shouted.
ÒEeeyah!Ó Licorice Lad yelled. Some marshmellow goop, fired at one
of the guards, flew past the guard and hit him. I recognized him then, and
pointed my gun directly at him and fired at him.
Licorice Lad lifted his arm. The goop from my gun hit it, but
appeared to have no effect.
ÒEEEEEEYAHAHAHA!Ó Licorice Lad crowed, even as Katie and I
managed to knock down more of the gingerman guards with blasts from our
guns. I tried firing at Licorice Lad again. But the goo from my gun just hit
him and ran down like water.
ÒKatie! Licorice Lad!Ó I cried to her. She saw the boy then, and fired
at him. She hit him square in the face. He cringed, momentarily. He
grabbed at a big candied turban on his head, to keep it from falling. Then
he blinked his eyes. He looked no worse than if heÕd been hit by water. He
grinned at us.
ÒYes, girls,Ó Licorice Lad said. ÒBambi and Katie. Welcome to
Candyland!Ó
ÒEEEEeeeek!Ó Katie screamed, as she realized, shooting him again,
that our marshmellow guns had no effect on him.
A glow began to emanate from the turban atop Licorice LadÕs head.
It was a black glow. I felt myself beginning to feel a fondness for
licorice. And for Licorice Lad.
ÒNooo,Ó I breathed. I began to walk toward him. I couldnÕt seem to
help myself. My arm, holding my gun, went lax. Katie began to feel it too.
ÒOh, I love licorice!
ÒLicorice is for me!
ÒItÕs black and itÕs all gooey
ÒAnd I am very sweet!Ó Katie murmured.
ÒNo! Katie!Ó I cried. Suddenly she ran up to Licorice Lad. She leapt
up onto his lap, where he was sitting on the great royal throne, studded
with all different types of candy. She embraced him. ÒOhhh! Licorice Lad!
I love you!Ó Katie cried. She gave the goateed boy a big, warm wet kiss
and a hug.
ÒNo!Ó I said. I tried to draw back. A gingerman rose near me. He had
been knocked down by a fellow gingerman, one IÕd hit with marshmellow
goo, but now he was getting up. IÕd missed hitting him and he came at me.
ÒNo!Ó I cried. ÒKatie!Ó I yelled, and I fired at the gingerman as he nearly
tackled me. I hit him. He lurched backward, covered with marshmellow
goo. He fell to the floor.
ÒGet her, my pretty. She does not love Licorice Lad,Ó the evil boy
told Katie. He pointed at me.
ÒOOOH! How can anyone not love Licorice Lad? HeÕs wonderful! And
licorice is a wonderful candy!Ó Katie cried. ÒEspecially black licorice,Ó
Katie added. Sitting in Licorice LadÕs lap, she glowered at me. She raised
her marshmellow gun and pointed it at me. ÒItÕs my favorite candy of all,Ó
Katie said.
ÒNo! Katie!Ó I cried. She fired. I dove away just in time. The blast
of marshmellow goo from her gun barely missed me.
I turned. I ran down the hall. Not knowing where to search, weÕd
parked our lollipops outside the Citadel. I dashed down the red-walled
hall. Katie fired at me as I ran.
ÒGet her!Ó Licorice Lad screamed to Katie. He shoved her off his lap.
She came running after me. I looked back over my shoulder and fired at
her. I missed.
Somehow, I made it to the end of the great hall. I ran outside into
the courtyard where weÕd parked our lollipops. I jumped on mine. I didnÕt
know what to do. The eclair came circling down from a tall tower.
ÒThis is a nice place,Ó the eclair said to me. ÒIÕd never been here
before. Did you find the throne room?Ó
ÒI found more than that!Ó I said, kicking my lollipop into gear with
my willpower and making it rise. ÒI found Licorice Lad himself, and now
heÕs got Katie!Ó
ÒHuh?Ó the eclair asked.
Katie came dashing out of the front of the great hall. She saw me
rising and fired at me. She nearly hit me. Then she saw the big eclair
floating near me. She fired again. She hit him and he fell to the earth
with a neighing scream.
ÒYouÕre bad! You should love Licorice Lad!Ó Katie told the eclair. It
rolled on the ground, covered with marshmelloo goo. It tried to fly but
could not. Katie leaped on her lollipop. ÒCome back, you! Or IÕll shoot you
out of the sky!Ó Katie yelled at me.
ÒNo! Katie!Ó I cried. I yanked my lollipop higher. I cleared the roof
of the great hall. I rose among the sugar cone towers of the castle.
Katie fired at me. The shot splattered the wall of a sugar cone
tower right behind me. I fired back.
ÒKatie! Please! DonÕt shoot at me!Ó I yelled to her.
ÒWe must love Licorice Lad! We must all love Licorice Lad!Ó Katie
hollared. She fired at me again.
I zipped around behind a tower. Katie fired at me as I fled. Then I
pulled my lollipop up hard. When it was alongside the towerÕs roof, a big
mound of ice cream topped with a cherry, Katie flew in underneath me. I
fired down at her. I hit her! She began to tail down toward the earth. I
felt desperately frightened. If she hit the ground she would die!
Suddenly, a black glow enveloped her. She righted herself. She
looked up at me.
ÒOoooh! You! You will pay for that!Ó Katie cried. She zoomed her
lolllipop up toward me. I lost all my reservations and blasted her. It was
a direct hit, right in her face. Her lollipop careened off to one side,
carrying her with it. She headed toward the ground again. Then she wiped
her face with her hand and manged to get the goo off. I gasped. How could
she get the marshmellow goo off her without any soda? She laughed.
ÒIÕve got the power of Licorice Lad on my side!Ó Katie said. She
pointed the stick of her lollipop up at me and zoomed toward me.
ÒOh, Great Sultan!Ó I cried. ÒI know youÕre imprisoned somewhere
around here! Help me fight Katie so I can free you from Licorice Lad!Ó
I felt strange. A white glow enveloped me. And just in time, too,
for a blast from KatieÕs marshmellow gun splattered across my body. I
was knocked back against the roof of the tower. I landed in ice cream.
ÒAaaack!Ó I cried. With a wrench I broke free of the ice cream. I fell
toward the earth. But where was my lollipop? I spun around in mid-air.
To my great surprise, I saw the stem of the lollipop. It was falling down
to the earth just as I was. I reached out. I grabbed it. Somehow I manged
to yank it under my legs. ÒEeeeyeeeek!Ó I cried, as I pulled the lollipop out
of a fall that was, moments before, the doom of us both. I realized I was
still clutching my marshmellow gun. Wildly I looked around for Katie. I
spotted her, zooming along the side of a tower. She was laughing, not
realizing IÕd recovered from my fall. I fired at her. I hit her on her legs.
She screeched and went into a spin. But then, just as she began to fall
toward the earth, she recovered herself. She turned and came at me like a
lioness, firing her gun repeatedly.
Our battle lasted for many minutes. I lost all track of time as I
zoomed around amidst the towers of the Citadel. I did not know what to
do, except to shoot back at Katie. There seemed to be no way to get her to
stop firing at me. I realized one of us had to go down and I didnÕt want to
see her killed.
ÒThe sea,Ó I said, gazing to the west. There I could see a foamy,
creamy sea. It seemed to have ice cream bars floating in it. ÒIÕll knock
her into the sea,Ó I breathed. I wrenched my lollipop toward the west and
sent it flying. Katie rushed after me, shooting at me as I fled.
Out over the ocean, I re-engaged her. It was indeed an ocean, made
of cream, with a lollipop shoreline. I zoomed over big icebergs. I saw an
orange popsicle floating in the cream, and an ice cream sandwich, big as a
boat. And I saw, bobbing in the waves, little ice cream cones, topped with
sprinkles, that you could hold in your hand.
ÒKatie, youÕre going down now,Ó I said to myself. I had to end this
battle with her in the sea. Then, with her safe, and hopefully disarmed
and off of her lollipop, I could rush back to the castle and do battle with
Licorice Lad.
I did a double-barrel loop. It was a neat trick, and I was surprised
at my ability to do it. I guessed the white glow enveloping me made it
possible. Perhaps the Sultan had come to my aid. Suddenly, as I aimed at
Katie, ready to bring her down, she did a double-barrel loop of her own.
ÒNo!Ó I screamed. The double-barrel put her at my back.
ÒDie!Ó I heard, loudly. And close. Too close. Suddenly a blast of
marshmellow goo hit me square in the back. It threw me from my lollipop.
It made me lose my hold on my gun.
ÒNoooooo!Ó I cried. I fell towards the sea. With a splash I hit the
waves. I found myself down under the cream; alone, disoriented, and
drowning.
30
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