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Andrew Roller Presents
NAUGHTY NAKED DREAMGIRLS
in
BIKINI BRIGADE
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Chapter Eleven
We watched the sun rise on the beach. Our lollipops hovered over the
sand, waiting for us to mount them again. Katie was building a sand
castle. It was made of white sugar.
ÒImagine that! A whole sea made of soda pop!Ó Katie told me. I sat a
little distance away, watching the sun rise.
ÒYes,Ó I said. ÒIt must be the Soda Sea. The one Freddie told us
about.Ó At my back stood tall bluffs. Above them were grasslands.
Running through them was the main pop rock road. WeÕd flown down out of
the mountains the previous night and then, finding this beach in the dark,
weÕd decided to sleep for awhile.
I gazed at the sun. I looked over at Katie, shoving sand into the
shape of a castle. She was working on the first tower and I doubted sheÕd
have time to build any more than that. We couldnÕt stay for long.
ÒKatie,Ó I said. ÒNow that itÕs light again, and weÕve slept a little,
donÕt you think we should be going?Ó
ÒOhhh, letÕs just stay here all day,Ó Katie said. ÒWe can play, and
build sand castles, and especially we can go swimming in that yummie
sea!Ó
ÒBut what about Freddie? And Princess Lolita?Ó I asked. Katie
paused.
ÒWell, I guess youÕre right,Ó Katie said. ÒItÕs sad, though. WeÕre
always hurrying. Or weÕre prisoners. WeÕve hardly gotten to play in
Candyland at all!Ó She gazed at the rising sun. ÒHey! WhatÕs that?Ó she
asked.
ÒItÕs the sun, silly,Ó I said.
ÒNo, that!Ó Katie said. She pointed. A figure seemed to come out of
the sun. It flew low along the water. It seemed to be trying to rise
higher, but it could not. As it flew toward us it clipped some of the
waves. Then it ploughed into the ocean, quite near us. It struggled amidst
the waves. At last, rolling, letting the waves carry it, it rolled ashore
near where we were sitting. It was a small eclair. It seemed to be
clutching something in its pee hole.
ÒLook! A pony! An eclair pony!Ó Katie cried. She ran over to where it
lay on the wet sand. It dropped the two objects it was holding in its pee
hole mouth. I got up and ran over to it. Katie knelt down beside it. ÒHeÕs
all covered with white, sticky goo,Ó Katie said. And, indeed, all along one
side of the eclair was white paste. Katie stuck her finger into it and
tasted it. ÒIt tastes like marshmellows,Ó Katie told me.
ÒItÕs marshmellow goo,Ó the eclair mumbled. It spoke to us through
its pee hole. ÒThe troll-- the troll shot it at me.Ó
ÒHere, we can wash it off,Ó Katie said. ÒYou donÕt have any hands,
thatÕs the problem.Ó Katie leapt up and ran into the Soda Sea. She cupped
her hands and came back up the sand and dumped a handful of soda on the
eclair.
ÒThanks,Ó the ecliar said. I rubbed where Katie had dropped the soda.
ÒIf I rub, and she keeps getting more soda, we just might wash all
this goop off you,Ó I told the eclair. ÒThen you can fly again.Ó
ÒYes,Ó the eclair said. His big penis head seemed to give a slight
nod. He looked very tired. He seemed to be falling asleep under me.
ÒThank you for helping me,Ó the eclair said.
ÒWhat are those things you were holding in your mouth?Ó I asked the
eclair. They lay in the sand. Katie looked at them.
ÒThey look like guns!Ó Katie said.
ÒItÕs what the troll used to shoot me,Ó the eclair whinnied.
ÒGuns are icky,Ó Katie said. ÒYou should take them someplace and
drop them where theyÕll never be found!Ó She turned and ran back down to
the waves to fetch more soda with her hands.
ÒYes,Ó the eclair agreed, not realizing sheÕd dashed back down to the
sea. ÒThey are icky. They shoot icky goop that gets all over me and makes
it hard for me to fly.Ó
ÒWhere will you put them?Ó I asked the eclair, rubbing him.
ÒNot in Marshmellow Marsh, thatÕs for sure,Ó the eclair said. ÒMaybe
the ocean. But I donÕt want them to wash back up on shore again.Ó
Katie splashed more soda on the eclair.
ÒPut them someplace goopey!Ó Katie said. ÒGoopier even than you
are.Ó
ÒMolasses Marsh,Ó the eclair wheezed. ÒYes. ThatÕs the place. Then
Molasses Moe could guard them for me. He likes everybody to be nice. HeÕd
never let them have things to shoot people with.Ó
ÒThen put them there,Ó I told the eclair, rubbing his long flank. ÒPut
them in that place. YouÕre a very fine eclair and I donÕt want to ever see
you hurt again!Ó
ÒYes!Ó Katie agreed.
ÒOh, itÕs not that it hurts,Ó the eclair said. ÒIt doesnÕt hurt me. ItÕs
just very sticky and it makes it hard for me to fly. But if you can wash it
off me, then IÕll be okay.Ó
ÒStill, IÕd get rid of the guns,Ó I told the eclair.
ÒYes. Unless you really need them,Ó Katie agreed.
ÒNo. I donÕt need them,Ó the eclair said. ÒI just need to be able to
fly.Ó
ÒWell, weÕll get you all washed off,Ó I told the eclair, and, indeed,
we were making progress. ÒThen youÕll be all better.Ó
ÒThank you,Ó the eclair said in a low, tired, whinnying voice.
They were in a room of the fort. Princess Lolita lay on a bed. She
was unconscious. Her head was swathed in bandages. Sitting near her, on
the floor, with his arms tied behind his back, was Freddie. His face had
bruises on it. A bat squatted nearby, eyeing him. In FreddieÕs big chair sat
Gumdrop Guy. There was a big crack in the wall behind him. The fire had
grown cold, but nobody seemed to notice. The room was crowded with
lollipop people and gingermen.
ÒFreddie Fruitcake, you are a traitor to the realm,Ó Gumdrop Guy
said. He pointed one of his pudgy fingers at the man. Then he popped a
gumdrop in his mouth and began chewing it. ÒA traitor, I say! YouÕve
betrayed Licorice Lad by not taking those two girls to him!Ó
ÒI suppose you know itÕs impolite to speak with food in your mouth,Ó
Freddie said to Gumdrop Guy.
ÒThis isnÕt food. ItÕs gumdrops,Ó Gumdrop Guy said. He popped
another one in his mouth. ÒAnd donÕt speak when IÕm speaking. IÕm sending
all you traitors to the Citadel, to be tried by Licorice Lad.Ó
ÒThat sounds like fun,Ó Freddie said. He spat on the ground.
ÒYou had your chance to have fun, eating gumdrops!Ó Gumdrop Guy
said. ÒBut no, you prefer fruitcake, donÕt you? Well, now youÕll get to
enjoy bread and water, in the SultanÕs dungeon. Perhaps even a visit from
the royal axe!Ó Gumdrop Guy said. With a flourish he passed his finger
across his chest, where his throat might have been, if he had one, which he
didnÕt.
ÒOff with all our heads, eh?Ó Freddie asked.
ÒThatÕs right!Ó Gumdrop Guy said. He lifted a finger into the sky.
ÒOff with your heads! ThatÕs what IÕd say, if I were Sultan. But of course
IÕm content just to sit and eat gumdrops. The gingermen will have to take
you there. You at once,Ó he pointed to Freddie. ÒAnd your Gingerman
Autonomists, and all her retainers.Ó Gumdrop Guy looked at Princess
Lolita, lying on the bed. ÒIÕm going to feed her lots of gumdrops and, when
itÕs safe for her to travel again, perhaps sheÕll go too. If not, I could
always use a wife.Ó
ÒWhat? YouÕre going to force Lolita to marry you?Ó Freddie asked.
ÒNo,Ó Gumdrop Guy said. He popped another gumdrop in his mouth.
ÒBut sheÕs injured, and canÕt be moved. Who knows? She may grow to like
me.Ó He looked at a gingerman standing near him. ÒTake the rest of them
to your master, Licorice Lad. Our new Sultan. And donÕt forget to tell him
the instrumental role I played in capturing these prisoners!Ó
ÒYes, great Gumdrop Guy,Ó the gingerman replied.
At noon we glided in over fields of peanuts. We sat astraddle our
lollipops. The fields spread out before us, laden with a heavy crop. They
looked ready to be harvested. I saw small houses. They were made of
peanut brittle.
ÒWhere are we now?Ó Katie called to me.
ÒIÕm not sure,Ó I answered. But if we just follow the main pop rock
road, I think weÕll eventually reach the Citadel.Ó
ÒIt sure is fun flying over the road!Ó Katie said.
ÒYes,Ó I agreed. ÒItÕs a lot faster than walking.Ó
We landed in a field near a small house. Like the rest, it was made
of peanut brittle. A peanut came scurrying down the road. He was the size
of a small child. He was wearing short pants.
ÒLook! A person! A peanut person,Ó Katie called to me. She pointed
with her finger.
ÒLetÕs ask him if he knows where the Citadel is,Ó I told her.
The peanut came up to us. He looked at us, sitting on our lollipops.
We floated a few feet over the road.
ÒWho are you?Ó the peanut asked.
ÒIÕm Katie Pepperdine,Ó Katie said. She pointed to herself. Then she
pointed at me. ÒAnÕ thatÕs Bambi. WeÕre the Bikini Brigade!Ó
The peanut stared at us. ÒI think IÕve heard of you,Ó the peanut said.
ÒCome with me. IÕve someone who wishes to meet you.Ó
I looked at Katie.
ÒDo you know where the Citadel is?Ó I called to the peanut. Already
he was walking back up the road, expecting us to follow him.
ÒYes, yes!Ó The peanut called over his shoulder. ÒCome on. Just a
few houses up. Peanut Brittle Polly and some other ladies have been
asking about you.Ó I looked at Katie again. I was worried the peanut might
take us to Licorice Lad.
ÒLadies, or a boy?Ó I called after the peanut.
ÒHuh?Ó the peanut asked. He turned and looked back at us, but
motioned with his arm for us to follow, and kept walking.
ÒDo you work for Licorice Lad?Ó Katie asked him, bluntly.
ÒHuh? No! YouÕre in Peanut Province,Ó the peanut replied. ÒLicorice
Lad isnÕt here. HeÕs far away, at the Citadel.Ó
I turned to Katie. ÒSounds safe,Ó I said. ÒLetÕs go.Ó We glided
forward on our lollipops, following the peanut.
We passed down the roadway, alongside peanut fields and between
peanut brittle homes. I sniffed the air. The scent of peanuts was all
around us. Peanuts began coming out of the houses, to see who was
passing by. A peanut waved to us.
ÒThat was fun, helping that eclair,Ó Katie said to me as we glided
down the roadway on our lollipops.
ÒYes,Ó I agreed. ÒItÕs always fun, helping people.Ó
ÒWeÕll IÕve done a good deed now, instead of just bad ones,Ó Katie
grinned.
ÒI just hope the eclair finds someplace good to put those guns,Ó I
said.
ÒHe told me that as soon as he rested he would throw them in
Molasses Moor, wherever that is,Ó Katie said.
ÒI think itÕs someplace near the Citadel,Ó I said. ÒI told him we
were headed there. Maybe heÕll catch up to us.Ó
ÒHe seems like a trustworthy animal,Ó Katie told me. ÒMaybe heÕll
go along with us!Ó
ÒMaybe,Ó I said. ÒHe was really tired, though. ItÕs good we let him
rest on the beach.Ó
ÒYes,Ó Katie agreed. ÒWell, hopefully we might see him again
someday. I liked him. I hope nobody else shoots him!Ó
More peanuts appeared from their homes. They waved. I waved
back.
ÒHi, peanuts!Ó Katie said, waving at all the peanuts that were now
waving to us.
ÒHi,Ó I said.
ÒThere sure are a lot of peanuts!Ó Katie remarked to me.
ÒYeah,Ó I said. ÒI feel like IÕm at a peanut convention.Ó
We came to a small, old home with a tidy lawn and a crooked fence.
Part of the fence had fallen down. Apprently no one felt the need to put it
back up again. Some dandelions were growing around the wood lying in the
grass.
ÒPark your, um, lollipops and come inside,Ó the peanut leading the
way called to us. We dismounted. We left our lollipops floating in the
roadway and walked up a small path made of nuts to the front door of the
house. The peanut had already knocked on the front door for us. It swung
open as we stepped up onto the front porch.
ÒWhy, hello girls,Ó a sweet old ladyÕs voice said. ÒIÕve been hearing
a lot about you. Come inside!Ó
Freddie Fruitcake gazed up at the leaden sky. Snow was falling in
his face. He wanted to wipe it away, but his hands were bound behind him.
He trudged through the snow. He was in a column of gingermen. They were
all members of the Gingerman Autonomy movement. They were hardly
autonomous now. Each of them had their hands bound behind him with
strands of licorice. Behind them trailed another group. They were
Princess LolitaÕs retainers. Each of them was now a prisoner too, and had
his hands tied behind him. Gingermen, loyal to Licorice Lad, marched
outside the column.
ÒMove along, you traitors!Ó one of the gingermen called out. He gave
Freddie a shove. ÒMove along, traitor!Ó he said to Freddie.
ÒYour hospitality amazes me,Ó Freddie said.
ÒQuiet! No speaking!Ó the gingerman bellowed.
Freddie gazed past the hunched gingerman in front of him, whose
hands were bound, and on down the mountainside. It was a long way to the
Citadel. They would have to walk for miles through snow and sugar, until
finally they were down on the meadows below. Then it would be east,
along the coast of the Soda Sea. Miles and miles, just to wind up being
harangued by Licorice Lad, and to land, if he was lucky, in the dungeon. If
he was not lucky, and he didnÕt expect to be, heÕd be beheaded by the royal
axe.
ÒA long trip, leading straight to my grave,Ó Freddie Fruitcake
muttered. ÒJust what I needed.Ó
ÒWhy are they still alive?Ó Licorice Lad yelled. He was standing in
the dungeon. He was gazing at a cell full of Peanut Power People. ÒAnd
whereÕs my bed?!Ó
ÒMaster, we cannot find the royal axe,Ó a gingerman said. Licorice
Lad turned to him.
ÒThe royal what?Ó Licorice Lad asked.
ÒThe royal axe,Ó another gingerman said. ÒWe cannot execute people
without the royal axe!Ó
ÒFuck the royal axe!Ó Licorice Lad said. ÒJust kill them!Ó
ÒBut we must follow protocol, master,Ó the first gingerman
protested.
Licorice Lad stamped his foot. ÒI want all the prisoners executed.
ThatÕs an order. All except the Sultan. I intend to put a bedroom down
here. Do you understand?Ó
ÒYes, master,Ó the gingermen said. They both saluted him.
Pauline rubbed her nose. She sniffled. She lay quietly, feeling the
sea rock the ice cream sandwich she was floating on.
ÒIÕm sad,Ó Pauline said. ÒI wish my daddie would visit me.Ó A tear
ran down her cheek. ÒAnÕ I still like bon bons, too.Ó She floated on her ice
cream sandwich and looked up at the bright lights of the aurora borealis in
the sky. The sun had risen, but the aurora borealis was so strong that it
could still be seen, out on the waves of the Sea of Cream. The aurora
borealis blocked out most of the rays from the sun. Instead the whole
northern sea was bathed in red and blue light from the aurora. Pauline
lifted her hand. She looked at her fingers.
ÒOne... two... three... four... five,Ó Pauline said. ÒFive. I have five
fingers! I wish I had five bon bons!Ó She sat up. She looked over her
shoulder at the shoreline. Along the beach there were lollipop trees, but
if she floated a little farther south sheÕd see trees growing bon bons.
ÒYum,Ó Pauline said. ÒI like bon bons. I want some bon bons. This time
that fat Ôol Bibi wonÕt catch me, if I sneak into her forest very, very
quietly.Ó
30
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