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Andrew Roller Presents
FUCK DECENCY
Sponsored by: Crab the dog
Issue No. 344
Naughty Naked Dreamgirls in
Dungeon of Desire
Chapter Four
We sprayed each other with a hose on the grass and then soaped up
with a bar Miriam gave us. She begged us to hurry. Her lover was coming
soon. We washed and rinsed and then she took us inside and gave us
innocuous cotton shorts and t-shirts to wear. In the mid-day sun it would
look best if we left her place looking modest. Especially since some of us
were still underage, quite underage in my case.
In her ballroom we dressed. It was quiet and there was not a trace
of last nightÕs festivities. It was a genteel ballroom, just big enough for
small dances and entertainments. Now it looked more like a living room.
The pee pool gurgled in one corner, but potted plants had been arranged
around it, shrouding it. Miriam knew its secrets and perhaps she did not
want to remind herself of them in the daylightÕs quiet, modest hours.
NAKED AT THE NEWSSTAND
by holy joe
I have noticed an interesting correlation. The more laws this
country passes, the more porn I buy. Back in the 70Õs, there were no laws
at all (relative to today). So, at most, IÕd buy just Playboy in any given
month. After all, I didnÕt want to sit home jacking off, when I could
(theoretically) meet a girl who liked me!
By 1998, of course, meeting girls is illegal. We live in a feminist-
dominated society, where all you can ever associate with is women. Since
IÕve never had a girlfriend, IÕm not interested in having a woman friend.
That would be like beginning a boxing career by fighting Mike Tyson.
So, instead, I buy porn. (With women in it -- what a ripoff!)
Today I went to Tower Books. I went there to buy one magazine.
Mayfair, which sometimes has reasonably youthful women in it.
Did I buy Mayfair? Sure. But I also bought 13 other porno magazines.
Before I went to Tower, I told myself (knowing I might buy more
than Mayfair): ÒJoe, donÕt spend all your money.Ó
I spent all my money. In fact, I had to stand outside Tower Books for
two hours, panhandling, because I spent all the money IÕd brought and
needed more. When I finally got enough money, I had to make three
separate trips because I couldnÕt carry all the porn I was buying in one
trip.
So, what did I buy, this month?
Playboy, March 1998, $4.95. Web: http://www.playboy.com
Review: There are only a few worthwhile photos in this issue, but
they are great! Most of them are in a swimsuit pictorial. In one photo, a
bare-bottomed blonde helps her three bikinied friends untie their suits.
What a lovely bottom the blonde has! IÕve never seen such a great bottom.
It is small and very round. On the same page as the blonde, there is a
brunette. SheÕs not wearing a bra. She has lovely naked bosoms that hang
down as she bends forward to undo another girlÕs swimsuit.
In another photo in the swimsuit pictorial, three girls go running
into the surf. ItÕs really nice seeing their naked bosoms bounce as they
run with carefree abandon into the water. In another photo, they ditch
adult worries to build a sandcastle. Finally, they smear sand all over each
otherÕs bare breasts.
If youÕve never seen Playmate Erika Eleniak, youÕre in for a treat.
Playboy reprints a photo of her lying in bed with her bare, upturned ass
pointing at the camera. As she gazes back at you, she contemplatively
sucks her finger.
Penthouse, March 1998, 5.99. Web: http://www.penthousemag.com
Review: ItÕs back to Ôbusiness as usualÕ for this magazine. I was
hoping for another terrific issue featuring a girl (almost) too young to be
photographed. No such luck. Instead we get some damn woman -- you
guessed it -- spreading her cunt! Someone should give Bob Guccione an
award for taking the most pictures of boring women inflicting their
boring cunts on the viewer.
I mean, have you ever seen a photo like this? The woman is sitting
down. On the floor. SheÕs facing you. As she stares at you with a distinct
lack of innocence (or enthusiasm), she uses her fingers to spread W-I-D-E
her cunt.
Fortunately, this issue is redeemed by a fantastic ÒClickÓ comic. In
this comic a young, innocent girl gets her bottom reamed. Ahhhhh!
Sport, March 1998, $1.95. No web site listed.
Review: My God! I almost died when I saw this magazine. I had to
pinch myself to make sure I was still alive, and living in feminist
America.
This magazine isnÕt technically a porno magazine. ItÕs a sports
magazine. This is their swimsuit issue. But itÕs not a boring swimsuit
issue, like Sports Illustrated puts out. Far from it!
Take a look at the cover: A blonde, in a bikini, blows a bubble with
bubblegum as she prepares to throw a pitch in a ÒFantasy BaseballÓ game.
The pictorial itself is even hotter. The blonde pitcher puts on a
skimpier bikini. Girls gaze with glamorous innocence from the dugout. An
umpire too frail to do anything useful tries her best. Another girl
practises Òsliding into homeÓ by sunning herself in the grass. And,
finally, a slender young babe in a teensy bikini tries to figure out how to
throw a ball.
ThatÕs my kind of team!
Photo, $6.50. (From France. Available at Tower Books.)
Review: As soon as I saw the young babe on the cover of this issue, I
grabbed it. This is a photography magazine. Sometimes it features nude
photos.
Devouring this issue, I came upon what I was looking for. Turn to
page 36. A shockingly young girl leans back and soaks up the sun. How
wonderful she looks! A perfect face, long brown hair, ripe naked breasts.
And, as young as she is, you know she has a great personality. SheÕs
probably dreaming about bubblegum.
Ocean Drive, February 1998, $3.95.
Review: This is a dumb ladiesÕ magazine, but this issue has a great
cover! Model Claudia Schiffer poses in a liquid-thin gown. ItÕs low cut,
and reveals her fragile bare shoulders as well as the curves of her
breasts.
Penthouse, $7.25. (From France. Available at Tower Books. No month
listed -- itÕs the issue with two blondes on the cover.)
Review: I like buying the French Penthouse each month because it
always has a Ôsex toysÕ section. In America, sex toys amount to little
more than plastic crap. But the French know how to make very classy sex
toys. The toy I liked best this issue was a brass Ôpenis-band.Õ (For lack of
a better description. The text is in French, and I canÕt read it!)
Imagine your cock is hard. Then, a female picks up an armband-type
thing. ItÕs made of brass. It has intricate clasps on it. She puts it around
your dick. She locks the clasps. ItÕs not as long as your dick, so youÕre
walking around with something rather like an armband on your dick. A
Ôpenis-bandÕ! Attached to the penis band is a brass ring. A chain can be
passed through it, so you can be led around by your penis.
In addition to the penis-band, there is also a bridle. This is made of
leather. It comes complete with a bit for the mouth. It also has reins. It
even has blinders, to keep your love from looking where he or she isnÕt
supposed to. Also featured are a pair of handcuffs, and a whip with a dildo
for a handle. ThereÕs also a weird thing that apparently fits on the
clitoris.
ÒSusan and JosephÓ is a pictorial you may have seen before in the
American Penthouse. However, in reprinting this pictorial, the French
have used different photos. There are some very cute photos of Susan
fishing. ThereÕs also an excellent photo of her screaming as Joseph rams
his tongue up her ass.
Page 8 serves up an even rarer treat. There are excerpts from
pictorials printed in other Penthouses, in other countries. Feast your eyes
on a photo of a gorgeous brunette as sheÕs made to bend way over and stick
her hands and head in a pillory.
Club International, March 1998, $5.99.
Review: Penny for penny, this is the best issue this month. As soon
as you see the cover, you know itÕs got to be great: It shows a brunette
wearing a lace neck band, with a tiny black bow on it. SheÕs also wearing
lace wrist bands, decorated with black bows. And sheÕs got on black
fishnet stockings. Otherwise, sheÕs nude. Whipped cream, messily
applied, covers her private parts.
In her pictorial, the brunette daubs whipped cream on her tongue. As
she savors the taste of the cream, she squirts more on her nipples.
Inserted in her pictorial is a smaller, separate magazine. ItÕs titled:
ÒButt Sluts: Horny Babes Who Love Hard Anal Action.Ó It features a great
cover of a blonde bending over, her panties pulled down to expose her rear.
In this smaller issue is the hottest photo IÕve ever seen of Jenna and
Janine. Jenna lies on a shag carpet, a strange-looking dildo unwrapped
beside her on the floor, as Janine prepares her rectum for penetration.
The most amazing thing in the photo, though, is JennaÕs boots. They are
long and black and stretch almost to the tops of her thighs. But they have
the knees cut away, as well as the portions along the front of her thighs,
so that she can bend her legs more easily.
Farther back in this smaller magazine, you can see what happens
when a girl goes too far at a party. Her mini-pictorial is titled ÒAll-Nite
Filler.Ó The girlÕs friends challenge her to accept a cherry in her ass.
(Since, after all, sheÕs a virgin.) Feeling silly, but bold from drinking too
much, she accepts their dare. They stick a cherry up her butt. Then they
leave.
ÒI canÕt get it out!Ó the girl screams. She spends the rest of the
night trying to get it to pop out of her bottom. You can enjoy her distress
as you see her pry her bottomcheeks wide apart in a vain attempt to
dislodge the fruit. She also tries masturbating. ItÕs no use, but in the
morning one of her friends makes a call to holy joeÕs roto-rooter service.
I get her unclogged, then show her what else can go up her butt.
(I wish!)
Now back to the main magazine:
In the pictorial ÒClaudia and Jennifer,Ó Claudia wears a micro-
miniskirt to work. Her skirt is so short that her panties can be seen
peeking out from under it! Her boss, Jennifer, decides to punish her for
being so wanton in her attire. Claudia is forced to lift her skirt, lower her
panties and (apparently) piss on the floor in front of her boss, with her
panties around her ankles. I sure hope Claudia learned her lesson, because
I did -- donÕt rub your dick while looking at young ladies peeing on the
floor! This is the best Ôpanty pictorialÕ IÕve ever seen.
But thereÕs more!
In ÒPermanent Hard-on Mr. Flint,Ó a girl goes to the doctor. This
pictorial is very, very hot. ThereÕs a combination of caring, love, intimate
exploring, and sucking and fucking. All the while, gleaming in the
background, is razor-sharp surgical gear. The combination of tenderness
and (the potential for) extreme agony is explosive. I got a painful hard-on
just looking! In fact, this pictorial gave me a major problem. I looked at
it just as I realized I didnÕt have enough money to buy all the porn I
wanted. So I spent the next two hours standing outside Tower Books,
panhandling, with a big erection in my pants. You can imagine the looks I
got.
Thankfully, I did manage to buy this issue. Because thereÕs even
more great stuff in it!
ÒTeriÓ begins her pictorial by yanking down her panties and showing
off her wonderful bottom. A series of no-holes-barred photos follows.
On page 83, two blondes kneel in ocean surf that rises to the level of
their pussies. One of them reaches around and playfully masturbates the
other. Then they go ashore, peel off their bikinis, and take an intimate
shower together.
ÒShake it Baby!Ó features the prettiest strippers IÕve ever seen.
TheyÕre photographed doing various naughty things: playing in a baby pool,
putting fruit where it doesnÕt belong, and wrapping their panties around a
customerÕs head!
The magazine ends with a pictorial titled ÒChristina and Nathan.Ó
Christina is a small, lovely young girl who likes wearing long black boots.
Nathan has a penis. Christina poses very sexily as Nathan puts his penis
into her tightest places. There is a small silver chain around ChristinaÕs
neck, making her look as if sheÕs NathanÕs pet. She also has a silver chain
around one of her wrists. ItÕs hard to describe how wonderful this
pictorial is. Christina is a mixture of enthusiasm and vulnerability. She
truly looks like the girl next door, straying for her very first time into
sex. (And wild, no-holds barred sex, at that!)
As you can see, I havenÕt even gotten around to reviewing Mayfair.
ThatÕs the magazine I went to Tower to buy, but, having bought it, I
havenÕt yet had a chance to open it.
Hopefully nobody reading this review will spend time buying and
reading porn when they could be with their family...
PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE FORMS
ÒHOLINESS PARTYÓ
Las Vegas, NEVADA (UP) - Presidential candidate holy joe told
reporters today that heÕs forming a Òholiness party.Ó
ÒI intend to fill the moral vacuum left by our president,Ó joe told
reporters. ÒPreviously, I was head of the cocktail party, but we suffered a
loss of participants back in 1987, and disbanded. Hence, today, I am
forming the first political party in America dedicated 100 percent to
holiness,Ó joe said.
ÒEvery morning we will sing ÔNearer My God to Thee,Ó joe said. ÒThis
is because, with our dedication to holiness, we are every day travelling
closer to God, and away from Satan. Also, weÕre getting older, every day.
ÒIn addition, in my party, we will bathe every week, because
cleanliness is next to godliness,Ó joe said. ÒWe will pray between baths,
which means that, either bathing, or praying, we wonÕt have time to be
tempted by offerings of oral sex from White House interns.
ÒEverything will be very, very holy in my White House, when IÕm
president,Ó joe assured reporters. ÒEven my socks and underpants will be
holy. In fact, theyÕre holy right now, which proves IÕm the best choice to
lead America into a (brand) spanking new millennium.
ÒAnd I will never lie to you,Ó joe continued. ÒIf I fail in my holiness
in any way, I will confess immediately, in prime time, telling you how I
failed, in graphic and unflinching detail.
ÒFinally, there will be no more 21-year-old interns in the White
House,Ó joe said. ÒInstead of ex-college loo(inskyÕs) who know how to
give blow jobs, we will have only virgins at the White House,Ó joe said.
Ò100 percent virgin interns, for a 100 percent holy president.Ó
Democrats and Republicans, hearing joeÕs speech, tried to punch
holes in it, but were unsuccessful.
AND IN THE END...
California:
YOUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK
Signed into law by Governor Pete Wilson in 1997, SB 389
designates ÒSan Joaquin soilÓ as the official state dirt.
- LPC Monthly, January 1998, pg. 9. Web: http://www.ca.lp.org/
-------------------------- Fuck Decency! ------------------------
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Click in the window behind the ÒtÓ in Ò.netÓ
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-Other providers:
Usenet Newsgroup: alt.sex.stories.moderated
or by e-mail: file.request@backdrop.com
or via the Web: http://www.netusa.net/~eli/erotica/assm/
-Free minicomics: send a stamped, self-addressed envelope to: Jim
Corrigan, P.O. Box 3663, Phenix City, AL 36868
- JOIN the worldÕs greatest organization! Send $35.00 to The North
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NAMBLA, P.O. Box 174, Midtown Station, New York, NY 10018.
-Naughty Naked Dreamgirls (Library of Congress ISSN: 1070-1427) is
copyright 1998 and a trademark of Andrew Roller. Work by others
copyright 1998 by the respective copyright holder.
-END OF 344 EMISSION Celebrate Pedophile Heritage Month at the
White House!
Signed into law by Governor Pete Wilson in 1997, SB 390
designates ÒStandard AmericanÓ as the official state toilet.