---------------------------------------------------------------
PROBLEMS? Please try viewing this with Netscape Navigator.
---------------------------------------------------------------
DONÕT TELL ANYONE THAT WE HAD SEX, OKAY?
(IÕm practising to be president - h.j.)
Andrew Roller Presents
FUCK DECENCY
Sponsored by: Innocent Interns, Inc.
1-800-HOT TWAT
Issue No. 341
Naughty Naked Dreamgirls in
Dungeon of Desire
Chapter Three
ÒI am not cocky, just protecting a Lady,Ó my Officer replied.
ÒToss me a blade, then, fool. You can spend the rest of your life
making cheap porn after youÕve sewn yourself back on!Ó Sauron bellowed.
His voice was quite sinister. My Officer, accepting the challenge, in all
his aspects, tossed a silver sword to Sauron.
My belly plummeted inside when Sauron expertly caught the tossed
blade by its handle.
Three heads had appeared from the bedroom door. Two females, as
IÕd suspected, and a male. Obviously the second male was another Officer.
One of the girls rushed out from the safety of the bedroom and ran to a
low table which stood next to the wall where the swords had hung. There,
arranged decoratively, were leather fencing gloves.
ÒWait! You must have these--and pants also!Ó the girl cried. She had
long honey-blonde hair that swirled round her as she tried desperately to
outfit her boyfriend in safety.
ÒNo! I need nothing,Ó my Officer, her Officer too, I guessed, replied.
ÒGive me the gloves,Ó Sauron said. ÒI need not cut my hands dealing
with this cocksure urchin.Ó The girl, hesitant, at last threw him a pair of
gloves. His gaze was too malevolent to cross, armed with anything less
than a cock and a sword. She had neither.
Slipping the gloves on, tying them behind each of his wrists with the
help of Katy, and me also, drafted in his service, Sauron laughed out loud
and sneered at my would-be savior. ÒDo you not know, son, that I am a
retired military officer? I will teach you a thing or two about fencing!
And your dick also! I taught fencing at the Academy!Ó
Serving my Master as obediently as I must, I nonetheless managed a
quick glance at my Officer friend. He seemed a little pale, realizing his
odds were not as heÕd supposed them.
Sauron flourished his sword as soon as he had his gloves on. My
savior, still abstaining from any protection whatever, held his sword
bare-handed. ÒNow I will make quick work of your cock,Ó Sauron laughed.
ÒPlease, DONÕT!Ó I cried. He looked at me and might have slapped me
but Katy hit my face first, with her palm. I howled and tears stung my
cheeks. She grabbed me anew by my collar and held me tightly against her.
ÒDo you like him? Yes? Watch as Your Master cuts him down to
size,Ó Katy laughed in my ear. I could do nothing. In horror I watched as
Sauron advanced on my Officer.
ÒStop! What are you doing?Ó I heard shouted from the end of the
hall, where the stairs were. It was Miriam.
Sauron ignored her. And, nobly, resisting any attempt to save him,
so did my Officer.
ÒWould you like your balls cut off also?Ó Sauron asked with obvious
glee.
ÒI should ask the same of you, I think,Ó my Officer replied.
ÒI at least have the good sense to not be erect,Ó Sauron said,
admiring a little, I think, the length and breadth of his opponentÕs cock.
ÒPerhaps you would like to jerk yourself off, first. I will wait. It will
not save you, but it will make you look like the jerk-off you really are,Ó
Sauron laughed.
My Officer made no reply. Instead he held his silver sword aloft,
waiting for the duel to begin.
ÒVery well, then. They should have castrated you Citadel nerds
during Hell week, instead of making a man of the Academy do it for them,Ó
Sauron snarled. And he struck. Below the belt, quite illegally, aiming to
undo my savior in one fell swoop.
Like Luke facing Darth Vader, my Officer somehow avoided the blow,
bringing his sword quickly down and countering it. Yet, watching, my
knees trembling uncontrollably, my nipples on my heavy breasts
tremulous, I remembered how the Jedi sword fight in Star Wars turned
out. Obi Wan died at DarthÕs hand, and Luke lost his hand.
My Officer boyfriend parried SauronÕs next blow, and his next, and
then struck back with a swift slice of his own. Somehow his sword
glanced off SauronÕs leather glove (of his sword hand) and cut into his
arm. Sauron, looking down, stared in shock as the superficial wound began
bleeding. Then, bellowing, glaring in hatred at my would-be savior, he
struck in a fury of blows. Each one, I was sure, would undo my Officer
forever. Yet, when the flurry of thrusts subsided, my hero had only a
slight cut on his unprotected hand. His organ still stood firm and tall,
sticking itself boldly forth. It seemed oblivious to the danger it faced.
COMMENTARY
by holy joe
Now, letÕs face it. A ripe young thing is wiggling around the
White House and youÕre president. WhatÕs the point of being president
if you donÕt get to fuck some hot ass?
Really, America. Have you forgotten how guysÕ brains work? The
*only* reason most guys do anything is so they can meet girls. And
youÕre absolutely right; I did not say: the only reason most guys do
anything is so they can meet 50-year-old women.
Sure, maybe the Intern is only a few years older than ClintonÕs
daughter. But thatÕs just how guysÕ brains are. Men are designed to
want young, reproductively healthy females. Why? Because a femaleÕs
child-bearing years end around age 35. In previous eras, a femaleÕs
ability to reproduce probably ended at an even younger age. So, to quote
Ann Taylor Fleming: Òthe younger the better.Ó
This is not the case with female desire, however. What does a
female need, sexually? A female needs a big, strong man who can
protect her young. The last thing she wants is some little boy. HeÕd
just get clobbered by a male rival, or eaten by a lion. (Staying, for a
moment, with the situation as it was in previous eras.) In the case of a
man, his ability to reproduce does not end at age 35. A man can get a
female pregnant even when heÕs 70-years-old.
See how that works? Men want the youngest female possible,
because her reproductive years are limited. Females, on the other hand,
need not worry about a man being too old to sire offspring. What they
must worry about is: is he big and strong enough, and savvy enough, to
protect the babies I bear him?
Sorry, ladies, but you just donÕt have what us guys need! Maybe
modern medicine can help you, but still, even if it does extend your
reproductive years, how will a Ômedical fixÕ erase millions of years of
evolutionary conditioning out of guysÕ minds?
Plus, girls are more fun to be with than women. They have better
bodies, for one thing. And for another thing, ask yourself this: would
most guys rather have a blonde airhead who thinks about bubblegum all
day, or some hard-bitten, hard-assed female prosecutor? I have yet to
see a single porno magazine titled: ÒFemale ProsecutorsÓ. A feminist
might say, ÒthatÕs just porn.Ó True, but porn isnÕt free. Us guys spend
our hard-earned money on porn! So, not only are girlsÕ bodies better
than womensÕ bodies, but their minds are more fun too!
Let me explain the mental aspect again: 1. Guys do not think
about bubblegum all day. 2. Women do not think about bubblegum all
day. 3. Girls DO think about bubblegum all day. (Or equally frivolous
matters.) Hence, girls are more fun to be with, even from the mental
perspective. Because they are *different*. Hanging around with a
woman, on the other hand, is like hanging around with another man.
(Except, in the case of a woman, she whines a lot.)
I can feel the chill that is currently running up the backs of
women reading this essay. They know that while girls might think
about bubblegum a lot, thatÕs not, in fact, all a girl thinks about. She
will also know many other things, since she is in tune with the modern
world, as it exists at this moment. She will know all the new games,
and toys, and all the current names of all the dinosaurs, plus all the
latest songs. She will be like the doctor who just graduated from
medical school, and knows all the latest procedures. A woman, on the
other hand, is like the doctor who graduated years ago, and is still
sticking with the old methods. So girls, in addition to thinking about
fun, frivolous things (like bubblegum) are also better educated than
women. (WhenÕs the last time you actually read Romeo and Juliet,
ladies?)
Hence, the question, properly framed, is not: What do we, as a
society, do with men? The question is: What do we, as a society, do
with women over 35?
Suggestions, anyone?
I know what youÕre thinking: Joe, your ideas are pretty great.
What if you ran for president, and we all elected you? Would you wind
up embarrassing us, like Clinton has?
Let me lay out for you exactly what I will do as your president.
You will note, first and foremost, that I am not trying to remain
Òpolitically viable within the system.Ó
Now, on the matter of women: First of all, I have nothing against
women. If a woman is competent to, say, run NASA, fine. She can run
NASA. IÕm not getting in bed with her, but she can run NASA.
Next, there *will* be gays in the military. At one time, when the
military was all men, one might have argued, ÒWe canÕt let gays in.
What if a gay wants to fuck another guy, and he says Ôno,Õ and so, in
revenge, heÕs not promoted?Ó That might have been a good argument at
one time. But now, with women in the military, a guy might not get
promoted because he turned down the sexual advances of a female
superior. (You know, the ÔrealÕ reason he didnÕt get that promotion.) Or
a female might be denied a promotion because she turned down a male
superiorÕs sexual advances.
Hence, there is no reason to keep gays out of the military
anymore, since the ÔproblemsÕ they might cause, sexually, are no worse
than the everyday problems currently occurring in the military between
women and men.
Next, we will have pedophiles and communists in the military,
because a) a ÔpedophileÕ is simply a guy with a young girlfriend and b)
an American ought to be able to belong to any political party he wants
to belong to.
Next, I will abolish all of AmericaÕs drug laws. If someone wants
to get stoned, and it doesnÕt affect his work or his driving, he will be
able to get stoned.
I could go on, but by now you may be experiencing a panic attack.
What will Americans do, if everyone can go about their business in life
and not be hassled by dumb laws? What will people have left to talk
about? Who will they have left to hate? (Very important, for
Americans.)
My answer is: I donÕt know. Maybe Americans will have to learn
how to mind their own business again. Maybe they will have to learn
what Òa bookÓ is, instead of just glueing their minds to trash T.V. for
seven hours a day. (ÔAmericaÕs Most Wanted,Õ and all that.) I realize
that by liberating Americans from their petty jealousies and fears I am
seriously damaging my presidential prospects. But, at least, in my
case, you can comfort yourself with two facts:
a) I wonÕt tell you IÕve Òhad problems in my marriage.Ó I donÕt
even have a girlfriend. And,
b) I wonÕt be fucking some 22-year-old Intern. In my opinion,
sheÕs too old!
ÒIf this is crap there is plenty more where that came from,Ó
writes Gary Brown, c/o State Mental Hospital, 187 Santa Barbara,
Irvine, CA 92606.
The laughing Academy
by Gary Brown
Albert Hall.
It was while living the life of a vagrant
that Albert came to understand the true meaning
of violence and intolerance.
On the streets of Mercuria
there are few things
that are more destructive
to the soul
than loneliness,
Albert was alone most of the time.
Alcohol helped to ease the pain
of living but it only proved
to be a temporary respite.
Regardless of all the odds
he managed to retain a shallow
semblance of sanity
although he made a game
of outwardly acting
in a deranged manner.
He even managed
to write a chorus
to a song
that heretofore had remained
trapped in his obsessive thoughts:
ÒViolence and loneliness they get all the blame,
while life in the academy remains just the same.Ó
The outcome of this dubious song
writing event
presented Albert with an extraordinarily
difficult problem;
his whole persona
became like Rudolf Hess
hopelessly incarcerated
in Spandau prison.
Everybody involved
with the prisoner
berated the audience
using endless emissions
of cerebral injustice,
but they secretly supported
the process
by sliding through life
as if they were freaks
from a carnival of broken stereotypes.
I remember meeting Albert
that splendid morning,
we were bathed
in the anorexic sunlight
of winter
and divided before the world
like an undisciplined army
marching through the garden
of a man called George.
The silence of our momentum
roared
but nobody heard it
because they were busy
trying to avoid
the shallow nebulosity
associated with materialism
in a culture of recalcitrant children.
AND IN THE END...
Never mind the Intern. IÕm worried about the dog.
-------------------------- Fuck Decency! ------------------------
-Back issues (and stories): type
http://www.dejanews.com/
into your browserÕs ÒLocationÓ window. Press your ÒreturnÓ key.
Click on ÒQuick SearchÓ, then type in: roller39@idt.net
Press your ÒreturnÓ key.
Scroll to the very bottom of the page that appears.
Change ÒStandardÓ to ÒCompleteÓ
roller39@idt.net is already typed into the window.
Click in the window behind the ÒtÓ in Ò.netÓ
Press your ÒreturnÓ key.
-Or look under: roller666@earthlink.net
-Other providers:
Usenet Newsgroup: alt.sex.stories.moderated
or by e-mail: file.request@backdrop.com
or via the Web: http://www.netusa.net/~eli/erotica/assm/
-Free minicomics: send a stamped, self-addressed envelope to: Jim
Corrigan, P.O. Box 3663, Phenix City, AL 36868
- JOIN the worldÕs greatest organization! Send $35.00 to The North
American Man/Boy Love Association for a one-year membership.
NAMBLA, P.O. Box 174, Midtown Station, New York, NY 10018.
-Naughty Naked Dreamgirls (Library of Congress ISSN: 1070-1427) is
copyright 1998 and a trademark of Andrew Roller. Work by others
copyright 1998 by the respective copyright holder.
-END OF 341 EMISSION
-Help for presidents with naughty Interns: Paddler Magazine, 6 issues
per year, $15.00. 1-516-681-0247.