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Despite dumb ideas, despite low poll numbers, despite the world being
more than 50 percent women, newt gingrich is still here! and me too
Andrew Roller Presents
FUCK DECENCY
Sponsored by: JOE CAMEL
Issue No. 285
Naughty Naked Dreamgirls in
Pussy Playland
Chapter One
ÒLetÕs pee now, gentlemen, so we donÕt have to interrupt things
later,Ó she announced. Tabitha went up to Stuart and presented the bowl
to his penis. Quickly, as if shucking off his shorts in a menÕs locker room,
Stuart pulled down his Speedos and stepped out of them. He tossed them
aside and I gazed at them lying on the rug. They looked so small and
compact. How could they have possibly held his giant prick? It was at
least ten inches, all covered with cream, and he thrust it into the waiting
bowl and began to pee. How silly it looked to see pee spurting out of a
dick all slathered with Redi-Whip! He glanced over at me expectantly as
he peed. Dutifully I untied my bikini panties and took them off. I folded
them properly and lay them on the corner of the nightstand, where the
condoms and ointments waited. Without even realizing it, watching Stuart
as he peed, gazing at his flexing ass cheeks, I delicately put a fingertip to
my clitty and began twiddling it. Beth, equally impassioned, put a finger
to her spot without even taking her panties off.
When Stuart was done peeing Tabitha took his offering into the
bathroom adjoining her bedroom and emptied it in the toilet. Stuart
watched her walk out and stood, waiting like a schoolboy, for her return.
When she did come back it was to interrupt Alex, who stood exchanging
kisses with Francis, and ask him for his donation. Alex peed lustily into
the bowl as Beth and I watched, preparing ourselves for their seed by
rubbing our cunnies. Francis pulled AlexÕs swimsuit down off his bottom
and gave his buns a hearty slap. He hollared at the sting and pushed his
cock more boldly into the bowl, trying to pee even faster so he could get
back to her.
ÒThank you,Ó Tabitha smiled when he was done. She took his pee to
the restroom. This time, when she came back, it was with a glass of clear
water. In her hand she held two tablets.
ÒBeth, get your panties off!Ó Tabitha scolded my friend. Sheepishly
she stopped playing with herself and drew down her undies. She stepped
out of them, twirled them a moment on her finger, and then, not thinking
to be neat, simply tossed them onto the rug near AlexÕs briefs. ÒGo and
have Kelly get acquainted with your pussy,Ó Tabitha told her. ÒKelly, lick
your friend Beth clean. I want to get started and everyoneÕs too messy for
my tastes.Ó She walked up to Stuart and presented the water to his dick.
She dropped two tablets of Alka-Seltzer into the glass and they
immediately began fizzing. ÒHereÕs a little bath time fun for your penis,Ó
she told him. Happily, awed by her creativity, Stuart put his long penis
into her cup. Only half of his dong could fit inside. I watched through the
glass as his penis was engulfed by the little fizzing bubbles.
ÒWhoa, this feels cool!Ó Stuart remarked. Meanwhile Beth presented
her creamy bush to me. Lifting my fingers I put them to her waist and
drew her closer to me. I parted my legs so I could pull her right up to my
mouth. Watching Stuart out of one eye, I began to lick KellyÕs bush clean.
Imagine! If youÕd asked me two hours earlier if IÕd ever lick another
girlÕs bush, IÕd have told you, Ônot in a million years!Õ Yet, in this elegant
bedroom, with the fish and the waiting bowl of condoms and the two men
who were marvelously hard, I did not even give it a second thought. I
simply put my tongue into her creamy bush and began licking. Beth,
feeling a little sexy, arched her hips forward and caressed my long hair as
I tickled her with my tongue. I stopped after a few minutes of attentive
licking and looked up at her.
ÒDoes it feel good?Ó I asked her.
ÒLower,Ó she replied. ÒLower.Ó She pushed her hips into my face
even more boldly. I licked down under her, where her private lay, and she
gasped as I found her spot.
By now Stuart had a partly clean dick, at least, the important part
where his cockhead loomed. Tabitha scraped the remaining cream on his
cock shaft, where it buried into his body, off with her fingers. Then she
went to the bathroom again, rinsed her fingers, and filled up a new glass.
She returned and interrupted Alex and Francis again to let Alex wash his
dick off. Francis encouraged him to get it very clean by kneeling down and
licking at the base of his shaft while Francis gave his cockhead portion
the Alka-Seltzer treatment. Alex shouted at the feeling of all those
naughty little bubbles fizzing around his dick. Meanwhile the fishes swam
and stared, swam and stared, not knowing what to think of these monkeys
who played at sex instead of simply fucking.
When I had Beth quite clean she knelt down between my opened
thighs and licked me. Soon we both had pubic thatches that were as
natural and free of cream as any in town. We were wet, but weÕd been wet
since weÕd first arrived and seen all the handsome men at the party. We
stood up and, holding hands, walked over to Tabitha. Although she had lost
her top and modest little skirt in the yard, she still had her panties on.
Laughingly we all attacked her and pulled off her panties and Beth and I
knelt down and quickly licked away the cream that someone had squirted
into her bush. When we stood up she stared at us with glowing eyes. We
all let our hands pass round to each other and fondle each otherÕs bodies.
We didnÕt bother with arms or bellies or legs but went straight for the
important parts. Pussies, bottoms, tits, and the penises and balls of the
men. We let our fingers explore each other as much as we could standing
up. In a few minutes I guessed weÕd be on the bed and get to know each
other even more intimately but, just now, we were enjoying the freedom
of our nudity and the casualness of our touching. Except for the bon bons
stuffed in my bottom it was a beautiful experience. Everyone took their
turn playing with my tasseled nipple clamps. I felt special, despite the
painfully snug pressure of the clamps. Every movement of my body, every
teasing touch of my friendsÕ fingers upon my tits, made my breasts
respond by shaking my little clamps with their bells. Stuart tried to get
my tits to play jingle bells for us. It worked pretty well. We girls played
with their balls and tried to get the men to play jingle bells too, with
their genitals. I didnÕt work, of course, but it did make the men ever
closer to cumming.
ÒBoys, youÕll be required to do a lot tonight and I donÕt want any
homophobia holding you back,Ó Tabitha told our male guests. She took
AlexÕs hand and made him touch and hold StuartÕs big penis. Beth and I and
Francis laughed. Stuart was made to stroke AlexÕs member. ÒVery good,Ó
Tabitha said at last. ÒNow I want you two to experience something else.Ó
She ordered us all onto the bed. She opened the drawer of the nightstand
and took out some breath spray and settled in amongst us. We sat cross-
legged on the cool fresh sheets of her bed, letting our privates show to
each other, admiring what everyone had.
Tabitha showed us the Binaca breath spray. ÒItÕs Spearmint, my
favorite flavor,Ó she told us. ÒSugar free, of course. We wouldnÕt want
any unnecessary cavities!Ó She laughed. Her tits jiggled like big mounds
of vanilla pudding, firm but deliciously ample and free. She bit her lip and
shook the breath spray a moment and then sprayed it on her own tit. Then
on her other tit. She waited for the feeling of the spray to engulf her. She
swooned as the full impact of it hit. Then, still reeling under the effects
of it, she turned the spray on StuartÕs big cock. Not knowing how it felt
(indeed I myself didnÕt at that point) he let her coat his entire member
with it. She was just finishing up at his pee hole when Stuart announced,
ÒWow! It feels nice and warm!Ó Then, a moment later, the intense
stinging set in. ÒYikes! It burns!Ó Stuart groans. ÒIt really burns!Ó
ÒOf course, dear, I always mix pain and pleasure. ItÕs more exciting
that way,Ó Tabitha answered him. She was still teething on her own lower
lip from the sting in her bosoms.
Alex, knowing now what he was in for, nonetheless bravely stuck out
his penis and let Tabitha squirt it with breath spray. ÒI thought this was
for your mouth,Ó Alex grumbled. Tabitha lifted up the spray and shot a
squirt of it right into AlexÕs open mouth.
ÒIt is,Ó she answered.
ÒYuck! You just were spraying that all over StuartÕs fucking cock!Ó
Alex said.
ÒIÕll make you suck his cock if you donÕt do just as I tell you to,Ó
Tabitha answered. ÒThis is, after all, my bedroom.Ó
ÒYou sound like youÕre 12-years-old,Ó Alex groused. ÒHey! This
stuff really stings!Ó he yelped. She had begun spraying his penis again. He
tried to flex it backwards but she grabbed hold of it with her long-nailed
fingers and made him keep it sticking right out.
ÒGive it to me, baby,Ó Tabitha smiled, as if playing with a swaddling
babe. She sprayed him all over his cock and even squirted some on his
balls for good measure. Then, turning to Beth, she insisted on giving her
nipples the same treatment. Then she lowered her hand, as Beth howled at
the first effects of the stinging, and shot some Binaca right onto BethÕs
clitty, parting the folds of her cunt with her fingers to make sure she
found her spot.
ÒOh, no, not me!Ó Francis protested.
ÒWhy, I thought you French girls knew all these tricks!Ó Tabitha said
to our French guests. Alex held her by her frail shoulders and made her
take the treatment just like the rest of us had. Then, skipping my nipples
which were imprisoned in the insidious clamps, Tabitha went directly to
the folds of my cunt and opened them and found my sweet spot and made
me take the spray.
We all sat moaning for a few minutes. Our most private, precious
places were on fire! At first a wonderful warmth set in and then the
stinging came, making us all want to frig ourselves, but we were made to
just ride it out, not touching ourselves. Tabitha gave us each another
treatment when the effects of the first one had faded.
ÒWell, you were all very brave,Ó she said when weÕd ridden out a
second round of torture. She leaned back, tossed the Binaca back into the
nightstand drawer, and took out a tube of lotion. ÒThis tastes like
strawberry, but its clear in color,Ó Tabitha told us. ÒIt wonÕt hurt a bit. I
promise. It will make you all better.Ó She squirted some of the soothing
lotion on StuartÕs cock and he thankfully received it. He reported that it
made him feel cool without setting his member on fire. Each of us eagerly
took our turn then. She let us rub the lotion into our skin once sheÕd
squirted it on us.
ÒMmm, nice,Ó I said. I fingered myself.
ÒI have to pee. What about you?Ó Tabitha asked me.
ÒOkay,Ó I answered. She got up and went to the bathroom and I heard
her rinse out the porcelain bowl sheÕd used to relieve Stuart and Alex
with.
ÒI can just use the potty,Ó I offered, as I watched her carry the bowl
out to the bed. Her large breasts swung temptingly with her every step. I
wanted, frankly, to meet StuartÕs member and help him find a place to put
all that sperm that was making his balls bulge.
ÒNo, use the bowl,Ó Tabitha told me. ÒItÕs more fun for the men that
way. Come, get down off the bed and squat over it.Ó
COMMENTARY
by holy joe
Being an Internet celebrity does have its ups and downs. First, I get
all this e-mail from girls begging to go out with me. So, I take them out.
But afterwards, they complain about me! I mean, think of that! IÕm
courteous, and fit them into my busy night life, and then they have the
audacity to air their complaints on the Internet.
IÕve decided to take a few of the minor complaints and print them
and give myself a little space to rebut them. I think itÕs only fair, given
that all this will probably be in the Enquirer by next Monday. (As for those
ÔYou got me pregnantÕ and ÔYou gave me AIDSÕ complaints, well, what do
you expect from a guy who lives in the Tenderloin (but isnÕt gay)?
Anyway, IÕm not disputing the truth of these allegations. I just
think a little explaining is in order, thatÕs all. (Then I wonÕt have to be
interrupted in my masturbating by calls from the Enquirer. They can just
read this on the Net. Smart, eh?)
ÒHe asked to use my bathroom and had diarrhea.Ó
hj replies: Honey, if you knew how many cans I had to collect to take
you out youÕd understand why I was so hungry, and needed to eat five bags
of Chili-flavored Fritos while we were on our date. I mean, sure, maybe if
IÕd skipped the onion-flavored Jalapeno sauce, I wouldnÕt have had that
little bowel problem. But think of it this way: if we got married, donÕt
you think IÕd have diarrhea sometimes? I need to know if you can clean up
after me. (You donÕt expect a man to clean a bathroom, do you?) Anyway, I
think you should be proud of the fact that I found a Sci-Fi convention
showing all the classic episodes of ÒLost in Space.Ó Complaining about
what I was eating while we sat watching them is just being picky and
unappreciative. And complaining about my bathroom habits -- would you
complain about ElvisÕs bathroom habits? I doubt it.
ÒHe told me IÕd look cuter if I put a pacifier in my mouth.Ó
h.j. replies: It was just a thought, honey. I didnÕt mean anything by
it. (But you would look cuter.) (and youÕd talk less too.)
ÒThis was how he greeted me: Ôhi, you look great. Listen, thisÕll
have to be quick, so why donÕt we just get down to the sex part? ItÕs the
most fun, anyway. Trust me on this.Ó
h.j. replies: Most 12-year-olds have had sex already. ThatÕs just a
simple fact. IÕm sorry if I offended you. And, okay, when you rejected me,
I did go stand at Tower the rest of the night ÔbrowsingÕ their porno
magazines, but reading IS pretty important, right? What would your
parents rather have you doing, wasting your time eating and dancing, or
reading? The more you read, the more you know. (And maybe if youÕd read
some of those porno magazines with me, youÕd KNOW sex is fun and not be
offended when I offer to do it with you.)
ÒI had to call the police 10 minutes after our date started.Ó
h.j. replies: Okay, I admit, pulling down your panties on the subway
was a little extreme, given all the people standing around. My mistake. I
saw a movie once where, admittedly, in a darkened subway car, with just
the two lovers in it, the man yanked down the womanÕs panties. So, I
thought, ÔThis will be a good romantic move.Õ The fact that there were
other people in the car sort of eluded me. You have a really cute ass.
Maybe if your ass wasnÕt so cute, then I wouldnÕt have pulled down your
panties. See? It IS your fault, after all.
ÒHe told me if I didnÕt have sex with him, heÕd kill me.Ó
h.j. replies: Complain, complain. I was just trying to make you feel,
you know, hot. Like a Latin lover would. What I meant to say was, ÒIf you
donÕt have sex with me, IÕll kill myself.Ó See? I simply got the ÒyouÓ
mixed up with the word ÒmeÓ. A simple grammatical error. (And no, you
werenÕt ÒsavedÓ by the fact that two police women happened to overhear
me.)
Well, I hope this has served to demonstrate that I actually am a
great guy to go out with. DonÕt worry, I always bring a whole box of
condoms along, so thereÕs no chance (anymore) that youÕll get pregnant
dating holy joe. And IÕve even taken to wearing a coat, which IÕll throw
down whenever we have to cross over a puddle in the street. (Of course I
expect you to take your top off when I have to cross over a puddle, okay?)
Yes, ladies (and girls). A date with holy joe is practically a
guaranteed success! IÕve switched to cheese doodles instead of chili-
flavored fritos. And I promise to have a few bags of Twinkies, too, to
keep my energy level up, just in case you need me to have lots of energy at
four in the morning. (You know, making sure you get tucked into bed
properly after weÕre through watching ÒLost in SpaceÓ reruns).
Remember, girls! I am a celebrity. Sure, you like watching Barney
on T.V. But donÕt you think it would be rather silly going out with a purple
dinosaur? And, trust me, Oscar the Grouch is not real. HeÕs just a puppet
on strings. But with holy joe, you get a real live person. In the flesh!
AND IN THE END...
THE FEMINIST 90Õs MAN
and what he reads
ÒWomen want a slowly unfolding story strong on feelings,
psychological insight, humanity and love. Men want a fast-moving
story with occasional blasts of uncomplicated sex without foreplay.
They also want tons and tons of information. Indeed it is hard to find a
... book for men that is not partly a self-help manual: how to
manufacture a bomb, get from Peru to Shanghai by the most efficient
route, launder ill-gotten gains, take brilliant photographs, chop up a
body or pull a curvaceous babe.Ó
- The Economist, July 19, 1997, pg. 16.
(But what about co-parenting and housework? - h.j.)
-------------------------- Fuck Decency! ------------------------
-Free e-mail subscriptions: No longer available due to mailbombing of
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-Currently I am: roller39@mail.idt.net
-formerly I was andrewroller@sprintmail.com, roller66@inreach.com,
roller666@aol.com Read my complete works under these names by
going to: http://www.excite.com (Click on ÔnewsgroupsÕ and search
under my various former screen names). (Also you can read irrelevant
bullshit posted by right-wing Christians.)
-Recent back issues at Usenet newsgroup: alt.sex.stories.moderated
-For all back issues, send e-mail to: file.request@backdrop.com
- Free plug: http://www.netusa.net/~eli/erotica/assm/
-Free minicomics: send a stamped, self-addressed envelope & age
statement to: Jim Corrigan, P.O. Box 3663, Phenix City, AL 36868
- JOIN the worldÕs greatest organization! Send $35.00 to The North
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NAMBLA, P.O. Box 174, Midtown Station, New York, NY 10018.
-Naughty Naked Dreamgirls (Library of Congress ISSN: 1070-1427) is
copyright 1997 and a trademark of Andrew Roller. Work by others
copyright 1997 by the respective copyright holder.
-END OF 285 EMISSION