Let us Pray
Our Father,
Who arenÕt in Heaven,
Hollow be thy Name.
Thy Kinkdom come,
Thy Will be undone...
Andrew Roller Presents
FUCK DECENCY
Issue No. 239
Naughty Naked Dreamgirls in
Cunt Castle
Chapter One
Daintily I reached down with my hands, my mittens protecting my
palms, at least. My breasts swung within my nightie as I bent forward. I
placed my hands on the pole. The cream was cold. Then, delicately as I
could, I seated myself on it.
Squish. I felt the cream enter my cunny as my cuntlips splurged
open upon the pole. Even in my virginal tightness I could not keep the
cream out of my genitals. I felt the gookiness enter my buttcrack and
smear the lowest portions of my bottom with its essence.
Polly protested over the leg of her bear but, with its foot in her
mouth, I couldnÕt understand her. The front of her nightie had a smidgen of
cream where it touched the pole. In back, I knew her bottom was spoilt
like mine, the cream adhering to her darling cheeks where they made
contact with the pole. Her nightie, useless, rose up to reveal her heinie,
leaving her squirming cheeks with nothing to protect them from the
audienceÕs admiring eyes.
ÒPull yourself to the center,Ó Rose told Polly. Simultaneously she
pushed the girl forward, making her drag herself along the pole.
ÒOh, IÕm getting more cream in my pussy!Ó Polly shrieked. But with
Rose watching, she had to obey. She did not want to feel the cane again.
She knew, as I did, that there must be a cane someplace nearby, or, failing
that, the male customers would gladly take off their belts.
I felt wet cream pass beneath myself as I drew myself with my
hands along the poleÕs length. I turned and looked over my shoulder.
Behind me the pole was now clean, wiped off by my own ass and thighs!
Polly wished to cry, but couldnÕt find it in herself to be quite that upset.
The cream was soothing, it surely teased her and wettened her just as it
was doing to me. She had not gotten hers yet, perhaps this sperm-colored
cream would be an acceptable substitute. I saw her suppress a smile as
she drew herself toward me. Yes, she felt it too. She flushed, realizing
the audience could see her pleasure just as well as I could. Rose
pretended to ignore the effect of the cream and the sliding pole upon us.
She liked maintaining a facade of decorum, no matter what might be
happening. Inside she might be plotting like a slut, but her outward
demeanor remained that of a lady entertaining guests at Buckingham
Palace.
In a few moments Polly and I faced each other across the mud pit.
Her face glowed softly. Shyly she looked away from me. I wanted to take
my teddy from my mouth but my hands were all covered with cream. My
mittens had been little help. Their sheer fabric covered my palms, but I
had cream all over my bare fingers.
Carefully, her boots protecting her, Rose stepped down from the
stage into the mud pit. It was not very deep, just a few inches. She had to
balance herself within it carefully, though, for the mud had been poured
over pillows. She made Polly and I scoot ourselves out over the pit. With
our platform heels, we each had to step into the pit, while still sitting on
the pole. The pit was just a little lower than the rest of the stage. The
mud did not quite touch my toes. I hoped it never would.
Rose was very attentive of our safety. ÒKeep your toes pointed
inward,Ó she told us. ÒIf you fall, I donÕt want you to break either of your
ankles.Ó I turned in my toes, like she ordered. It was harder to keep
perched atop the pole this way, but I knew if I was unfortunate, God
forbid, to fall into the mud in front of everybody, I at least would plop
down as my heels rose up beneath me. I did not want them to get caught in
the well-cushioned pillows. Fortunately, the pillows in the pit were
covered with slick pillowcases. Our feet should slip right out from under
us if we truly lost our grip on the pole. Rose, though, had to be extra
careful, standing on such a slippery, cushiony surface, lest she be the
first to embarrass herself in front of the crowd. Fortunately, her heavy
cowboy boots helped her keep her balance. I knew now why her spurs were
blunt. They would have pierced the pillows. Looking down at them, I
realized they were filled with air. I hoped my spiked heels didnÕt poke
through them.
The man in the work clothes returned. Before I realized it, heÕd
taken my teddy bear from my mouth. He took PollyÕs also. She did not
want to lose hers, gave a little squeal of displeasure as the man pulled it
away. In return, he presented her with a big pillow. He handed me one
also. We received the pillows with cream-laden hands. I did my best not
to get any of the white goo on the rest of me.
ÒIck!Ó Polly said, trying to fling the cream off her hands before the
man made her take a pillow.
ÒDonÕt, Polly,Ó Rose cautioned. She didnÕt want any cream flung on
her, or on me.
ÒMmm, itÕs nice and soft,Ó Polly said happily, squeezing her pillow.
Taking mine, hefting it, I realized it was a pillowcase stuffed full of
light, downy feathers. Polly plumped her pillow and a sleepy look crossed
her face. What were we supposed to do, go to sleep right here on the pole,
over the mud pit?
The workman handed Rose a whistle. She snapped its chain around
her neck. It hung sweetly between her breasts. She smiled at us, standing
over us, our referee, I suddenly realized.
ÒGirls, you are going to have a pillow fight,Ó Rose announced to us.
VIDEO REVIEW
by holy joe
PlayboyÕs Spring Break, $17.99. VHS, 60 min., PBV 0804.
Review: In a previous Fuck Decency I had mentioned, with regard to
this video, that Òthe box alone is worth $19.95.Ó (The retail price of the
video. Tower, where I bought mine, discounts it by $2.00.)
I said that before I had seen the box. What I had actually seen was
an ad, featuring a photograph of the box. (In a Playboy newsstand special
magazine.) Amazingly, the advertisement showed a real photograph on the
box. What the box itself has is the same image, but it is no longer a
photograph. ItÕs more like a painting. Some idiot took an airbrush and
went over the original photo. What we are left with, on the box itself, is
painted, airbrushed crap. All the character that was in the original
photograph has been destroyed. ItÕs as if some feminist, seeing a really
good photo, decided to paint over it with a paintbrush until it was ruined.
IÕm not much into jacking off over paintings, are you? I mean,
whenÕs the last time you bought a sex magazine featuring paintings of
naked girls? ItÕs amazing that Playboy, having a perfectly good
photograph, would paint over it and wreck it. But they did.
In keeping, I suppose, with the box, Playboy decided to wreck the
video inside too. All of the girls in this video look like shit. Now, let me
be clear. IÕm sure the girls in this video are nice people. They donÕt weigh
300 pounds, like I do. When they walk into a room, nobody asks (in all
honesty), ÒWho cut a fart?Ó (Like when I walk into a room.)
However, Playboy stands for the very finest females on the planet.
Sure, they arenÕt runway models. But then runway models often donÕt have
tits. PlayboyÕs Playmates, newsstand special girls, etc., may be touted as
Òthe girl next door,Ó but theyÕre not supposed to ACTUALLY be the girl next
door. TheyÕre supposed to be the very finest females you could ever hope
to see in your life. (In a photo, at that.)
In PlayboyÕs Spring Break, however, the girls are just crappy,
ordinary girls, in many cases. One, a brunette, is actually attractive, but
she has a tattoo on her belly. It looks like a big, hairy mole from a
distance. The only other attractive girl is a blonde, but her face isnÕt
quite perfect and, when she smiles, she looks like trailer trash. (Which
she probably is.)
So, first off, the thing to understand about this video is that the
girls in it look no better than the girls who live on your street. Next, we
must discuss the creative aspects of this video.
This video tries hard, in some instances, to be new and innovative
and creative. And, it partly succeeds. I never saw a cuter, more ÒgirlishÓ
video than this one. I really enjoyed that aspect of the video. I was going
to go hang around the school playground but then, seeing this video, I
decided to stay home and jack off to it instead. So I have no quarrel with
the Òcute,Ó ÒgirlishÓ aspects of this video. It was very refreshing, and
way ahead of the average, ÔwoodenÕ video, where you feel everyone is an
actor whoÕs had sex 1 billion times and is only Ôgoing through the motionsÕ
in order to get a paycheck.
Now letÕs discuss the erotic aspects of this film. They were pretty
good at times, not good at all at other times. Basically, the first half of
this video tries real hard to be exciting. The last half of this video is
total crap. It degenerates into half-baked video scenes featuring, for lack
of a better description, Ôdancing.Õ Not real dancing, of course, but the kind
of film clips where the girls zoom around real fast, not really doing
anything, while junky music plays in the background. Except for a steamy
computer sex scene, once the girls are done jumping in the mudhole in this
video, itÕs over. ThereÕs nothing else worthwhile on the tape.
Now let us get down to a fairly precise analysis of the worthwhile
aspects of this video.
Sexiest scene: This is an accident. There is a brief, one second clip
where some girl is dancing with some guy. His feet are on the floor. Her
feet are wrapped around behind his back, because her legs are wrapped
around his waist. HeÕs trying to dance with her wrapped around him, while
she holds a whipped cream pie in her hand. Beside them, almost out of
view of the camera, there is another couple. With regard to that couple,
the girl has her feet on the floor. But in front of her a guy is kneeling
down and apparently licking her crotch.
The scene IÕve just described is a scene from a real event, featuring
real people, at Spring Break. Playboy gives no explanation as to what is
going on. As stated, the scene only lasts one second. You have to watch it
Ôframe by frame,Õ in slow motion, to make it out. ItÕs very frustrating to
me that Playboy didnÕt use that real-life scene to stage such a ÔdanceÕ of
its own, where the viewer could have seen, in depth, what such a Ôdance,Õ
with whipped cream pies and guys licking at girlÕs crotches was all about.
But, of course, this is a Playboy video, where frustration is the norm, not
eroticism.
Another sexy scene in this video is also from real life. ItÕs a one
second shot of a Ôfoam dance.Õ Some guy is sitting on top of a big, fake
beer bottle. Suddenly foam shoots out of the beer bottle and real people
start dancing around in the foam. Again, this would have made an
excellent vignette for a Playboy video, featuring Playboy Playmates. But
it is not used.
Yet another sexy scene is actually by Playboy, using the girls
featured in the video. A blonde and a brunette share an ice cream cone.
ItÕs a big, tall, soft-serve vanilla ice cream cone. Both girls Ôgo downÕ on
the ice cream cone, as if it were a penis. And they do it quite lustily.
Unfortunately, theyÕre both fully clothed, and standing in the middle of a
shopping mall. Why couldnÕt they be topless, in a bedroom? YouÕd think
Playboy would get the bright idea of having two (quite talented) girls
Ôblow jobÕ an ice cream cone with their naked breasts bobbling around. But
no, this is Playboy. Both girls are wearing bras and heavy blouses.
So what are we left with? The first actual ÔscenarioÕ in this video
involves an attractive brunette. SheÕs the best looking girl in this video
but, as noted before, she has a tattoo on her tummy that looks like a big,
hairy mole from a distance. She appears in a candlelit scene, outdoors,
wearing a very sexy dress. In the distance we see a heavy wooden door
with a small window in it that has bars in the window. One hopes she
might, after an evening party, be lured behind the wooden door, where
sheÕs forced to submit to unspeakable acts. (Committed upon her by a
300lb. guy who watches lots of Playboy videos.) However, not much
happens in this scenario. The girl slips out of her dress and the scene
ends. ThatÕs it. Nothing else happens. We never actually get to go with
her behind that big heavy door, to see what lies beyond.
The first actual ÔsexÕ scenario involves two girls. Neither is
attractive. Both of them are certainly talented, and try hard, but they just
donÕt have the looks. Had they been born with good looks, the vignette
would have been fine. But theyÕre just two ordinary girls. Ho hum. I could
care less what two ordinary girls are up to.
Anyway, these two ordinary girls are in a bedroom. OneÕs a brunette.
The other is an African-American girl. Now, I donÕt mean to be biased, but
ÔAfrican-AmericanÕ should set off an alarm right there, for Playboy. Sure,
there are a FEW black girls in this world who look good, and belong in
Playboy. But not many. And this black girl, in this video, is not one of
them. She should not be in this video. But of course, she is, and naked to
boot, and she even looks like she has hair growing in her butt. (If you
show your ass, honey, IÕm going to evaluate it.) Now both these girls look
like very nice people. They probably get AÕs in school. But, looking at
them, ÔejaculationÕ is not a word that comes to my mind. And when I buy a
Playboy video, ejaculation is what is on my mind. Let them be President
of IBM or something. Just donÕt stick them in a Playboy video.
As it is, the brunette kisses the black girl on her tummy and her hip.
That was pretty cool. I liked that part. Still, neither girl was one IÕd ever
ask out, so fantasizing over their nude bodies didnÕt really turn me on.
Next up is a scenario featuring a girl dancing nude in front of two
other girls, by a pool. The two girls who ARENÕT dancing are reasonably
attractive. So, naturally, PlayboyÕs camera focuses all itÕs attention on
the girl dancing, who is atrocious. I donÕt even know if sheÕs a nice girl in
real life or not, or deserves to be President of IBM. She looks like shit,
and I was revolted that I was forced to stare at her. What is she doing in
this video? She doesnÕt belong in a video, she belongs in a dog pound! But
there she is, and naked to boot, and the camera lingers over her as lovingly
as if she were JonBenet Ramsey. (Hmmm, not the best of comparisons, I
see... Oh, well.)
The next scenario involves a stable. It is the best scenario in this
entire video. Several girls are riding in a car when they decide to cool off
in a stable. Here we see what is probably the second most famous scene
in this video, an (unattractive) brunette posing next to a wooden post. I
thought that would be a really cool, quasi-bondage scene, but it isnÕt.
Basically, for about 2 seconds, this unattractive brunette poses next to a
wooden post, in the nude. ThatÕs it. End of scene. (Playboy thanks you for
your $19.95.)
Next, in this same Ôstable scenario,Õ we see what is undoubtedly the
most famous scene to cum out of this whole video. A nude girl, lying on
her back, looking up at the camera, shoots her panties at the viewer.
Unfortunately, thatÕs exactly what the scene consists of. SheÕs lying
there, she shoots her panties, and then, in a very brief Ôfollow-upÕ shot,
her friends dump water on her. End of scene. ThereÕs nothing more to it
than that.
Finally, still in the stable, the girls play around with a hose, wetting
each other down. This is the best scene in the whole video, so enjoy it. I
really liked seeing the hose wet down a girl in a pleated skirt. If youÕve
ever lusted over girls in school uniforms, this sceneÕs for you. FINALLY I
got to see what one of those girls looks like when her skirt gets wet.
That was a great shot. (She was bending over too, which made it even
better. And she didnÕt have any panties on.)
(Yes, ladies, I know it would be tons more fun to see Oprah Winfrey
spread her legs but, since that video hasnÕt come out yet, IÕll settle for
girls in pleated skirts.)
The hose is the best part of the stable scenario. The way that hose
was filmed, with the girls shooting water out of it by pressing their
fingers over the end of the hose, was very erotic. I never knew water
shooting out of a hose could be so erotic. Someone should get an award for
the way they managed to film that hose.
The last scenario worth noting in this video involves a mud hole.
The girls, still travelling in their car, decide to stop and skinny dip in a
mud hole. It was slightly exciting to watch, especially when the girls
swung on a rope, and also when they paddled around on their backs in the
water, but otherwise it was a disappointment.
ThatÕs all there is to this video. The rest is basically worthless.
Some parts are downright atrocious. Some big fat bitch appears and
undresses in a segment devoted entirely to her. I donÕt know what sheÕs
even doing in this video. Did somebody at Playboy get a brain transplant -
- without the brain?! Since when do fat bitches belong in a Playboy video?
PlayboyÕs Spring Break is nothing compared to the original ÒGirls of
Spring BreakÓ video that Playboy put out several years ago. That was a
video of Galactic proportions, with cute girls and an almost endless series
of scenarios, ending with a giant orgy in a hot tub. This video is nothing,
compared to that one. ItÕs loaded with Playboy rejects, girls who donÕt
belong in ANY video, let alone a Playboy video. It does try to inject some
Ôgirlish cuteness,Õ and succeeds, to some extent. But the latter half of
this video is worthless. YouÕre not really getting a whole video here, just
half a video. Whether you want to buy it or not depends on how much you
like girls. If you like ordinary, run-of-the-mill girls, then this video is
for you. But you wonÕt miss any Playmates by skipping this video. You
wonÕt miss any Newsstand Special girls by skipping this video either.
These are just ordinary, junky girls, doing somewhat cute, girlish things.
A final note: The two girls on the front of the box of ÒPlayboyÕs
Spring BreakÓ are not actually in the video.
AND IN THE END...
ÒThe depiction of Selena as a little girl is a delight to watch.Ó
- Singles, April 1997, pg. 5, on the movie ÒSelena.Ó
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-END OF 239 EMISSION
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