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Andrew Roller Presents
FUCK DECENCY
Issue No. 226
Naughty Naked Dreamgirls in
Cunt Castle
Chapter One
Three couples passed us, the men in tuxes and the women wearing
evening gowns. We nodded. I gripped my dress tightly, trying not to look
obvious as to why. LouisÕ convertible rolled to a stop in front of us. The
doorman hopped out. Discreetly he offered me his hand, and I hoped heÕd
not seen anything in his lazy roll up the last few feet of the restaurantÕs
driveway. Or the couples, for that matter. With people in front of us,
behind us, I wished to get into the safety of LouisÕ car as quickly as
possible. The doorman opened the side door and seated me. I made sure
my skirt got tucked right up under my bottom. Louis plopped into the
driverÕs side seat as Polly and Andre got in back.
ÒLouis!Ó I hissed. But he ignored me. As the car pulled away he
removed my panties from his pocket and handed them to the doorman.
ÒShe wonÕt be needing these,Ó he grinned. The doorman smiled back,
glanced beyond him to me, and I hunched as fast as I could into a
humiliating crouch on the front seat. Behind me I heard Polly giggle into
her hands. Andre failed to suppress a chuckle.
ÒLouis! That was awful!Ó I sulked.
ÒYou are young, I am young, the night is young, and we are free,Ó he
said, a whisp of the poetic in his voice, the lights of the restaurant
passing away behind us and a starry sky opening up ahead. I sat up a little.
I felt the long silkiness of my hair flow out behind me and into AndreÕs
face. He was forced to move a little closer to Polly to get out of my hair.
She moved a little bit away, keeping her distance. She did not want him
toying with her clothes in the back seat, for she knew sheÕd lose them if
he did. Passersby would find 13-year-old girlÕs panties on the road the
next day, a sock, a shoe, and think the worst.
Louis turned on the radio. My favorite song wafted into the night. Up
on a down escalator. A remake, by a new band. Or at least thatÕs what
Louis said. IÕd never heard the original. I began to sway to the tune. I did
feel free. I wasnÕt at home, like I was ÔsupposedÕ to be, doing my
homework. I wasnÕt even chatting with guys on the Internet. My mother
should at least be happy for that! You never know who youÕre talking to on
the Net. It makes it exciting, but it can be a drag to. I was sure I was
talking to Sylvester Stallone for three whole weeks and then it turned out
to be the nerd down the street. He collected Stallone movies and I found
out (after the fact, of course) that he even published a zine about Stallone
called ÔMillions of Cunts and Dead Bodies.Õ He probably knew more about
Stallone than Stallone himself did. So I wound up being in his stupid zine.
When our ÔrelationshipÕ fell apart he wrote, ÔBimbo Stoned on Stallone,Õ
and put all kinds of things in the story, including totally untrue stuff
about me that heÕd made up.
MEN AND ÔMAGAZINESÕ
by holy cow
Mayfair, Volume 31, Number 13, $6.99.
Review: As part of my responsibilities for the Feminist League, I
went to Tower Books and bought the latest issue of Mayfair. On the way
back, on the bus, I was sitting next to this guy. He wanted to ÔreadÕ the
issue. I donÕt think, however, that his intentions were the same as mine. I
was merely picking up the issue to document instances in it of perversion,
for our proposed Òharmful matterÓ statue in the Legislature. He, however,
appeared to actually want to stare at the young women in it. Not to see if
they have Ph.d.Õs, or are properly demanding and assertive, but rather (get
this) to find out if they have Ôcute cunts and big titsÕ.
So, as an example of Male Depravity, I asked him to write a review
of this sick publication. Here it is:
(By the way, I didnÕt ask his name, but he was short and fat and
needed a shave and told me he possessed the worldÕs largest penis.)
What a great issue! First, of course, I went straight to the issueÕs
lesbian scene. This wasnÕt as good as last issue. Last issue featured one
girl prying open the ass of another girl and looking into her ass crack.
That reminded me of The Story of O, in which it is written (pg. 150):
ÒShe had run her hand softly, and at great length, over OÕs rear...
ÒÔThis is the last time youÕll see yourself intact,Ó she said. ÒHere,
on this smooth, rounded area is where Sir StephenÕs initials will be
branded, on either side of the cleft in your behind.Ó
So I really got off on last issueÕs lesbian scene, seeing one girl pry
open the otherÕs bottom and stare into it. Unfortunately this issueÕs
lesbian scene was pretty boring. It didnÕt remind me of branding girlsÕ
bottoms, or whipping them, or anything. Just two heavily made-up girls
lying on top of each other. Big deal.
However, there are other redeeming pictorials in this issue which
make it one of the very best issues IÕve ever seen!
Claire Cass is back again in this issue. The publisher promised three
pictorials of her, in three consecutive issues, and this is the third.
However, she must be extremely popular, because in the back of the
magazine it says that she is also going to be in NEXT monthÕs issue! Note
that all three of her pictorials were ÔencoreÕ pictorials. Prior to the three
pictorials where she played a) a nurse, b) the ÔcenterpieceÕ at a dinner
party and c) (in this monthÕs issue) a stewardess, Claire had ALREADY been
in a ÔstandardÕ pictorial in Mayfair. (Plus an ÔinterimÕ pictorial where she
talked about her favorite bar drinks.)
In next monthÕs Mayfair the publisher promises to feature her in a
pictorial as an art student. The one shot he published of her as an art
student looks very promising. IÕm already hard and I have to wait a whole
month to see it!
So, in the meantime, while IÕm waiting to jack off to Claire the Art
Student, I figured IÕd speculate about why she is so popular. First, we
must do a scientific examination of all of ClaireÕs body parts. This is very
revealing. First, her tits are WAY too small. Next, her shoulders are too
broad in relation to the size of her tits. In addition to this, she has a fat
ass and fat thighs. In the face department, her eyes arenÕt big enough and,
overall, one could argue that her face is rather plain.
So why are so many men all over the world absolutely crazy about
Claire Cass? (Including me.) One theory could be that sheÕs just an
average girl, and so men see her as Ôapproachable.Õ However, I myself have
never fancied ÔapproachableÕ girls. I always go straight for the Goddesses.
Spoilt, unmanageable, drop-dead beautiful girls who hopefully arenÕt
bitches but usually are.
Now there is a second theory as to why Claire Cass might be so
popular. I hesitate to mention it on the Internet where children might find
this theory and read it. However, I feel relatively safe mentioning it in
alt.sex.stories. We all know that children are sex-less creatures until the
age of 18. So itÕs virtually impossible that anyone under age 18 would be
snooping around in a newsgroup about sex. Children simply have no
interest in sex.
So, hereÕs theory number two: Men are attracted to Claire Cass
because she looks 12 years old. She has almost no tits and a very, very
youthful face.
If men do like Claire because she looks 12-years-old, then this can
be attributed to only one cause: feminism. I remember in the old days
when I used to look at girlie magazines. I had absolutely no consideration
in my mind as to whether the featured girl looked youthful. All I cared
about was that she looked Òsexy.Ó That was a fairly indefinite standard.
All sorts of girls might look sexy. Often it depended on the talent of the
photographer who photographed them. But, nowadays, looking at a girlie
magazine, I find myself constantly evaluating how youthful the girl looks.
And, wouldnÕt you know, gradually over time this attention to youthfulness
has evolved into a standard of beauty all its own. The younger the girl
looks, the better.
And this is quite amazing. In the 80Õs and 90Õs the feminists have
passed into law a great deal of legislation. Basically it all boils down to
this: a lone young man may not approach, look at, speak to, or be in the
presence of an Ôunderage minorÕ female. I suppose the intent of such
legislation was to get all us men salivating over married 40-something
women who might be looking to dump their husbands. But, alas, the law
has produced instead the nubile Claire Cass.
One must wonder what would have happened if the aforesaid
legislation had applied not to young girls but rather to fat, hairy,
demanding and assertive women? Instead of masturbating over Claire
Cass, all us guys might be worshipping Andrea Dorkin. But by Legislating
male tastes, Ms. Dorkin and her ilk wound up making themselves even LESS
appealing than they already were! ItÕs as if I got a law passed saying
ÒThou Shalt Like Only Nerds.Ó Seventeen years hence, the nerds would be
even less able to get a date than they are now. And theyÕd be blaming the
opposite sex for their fate, when in fact the only people who were really
at fault were themselves.
Yes, Andrea Dorkin, I have no interest in you. I only like Claire Cass.
And, while IÕm not entirely sure why I jack off to her 10 times a day, it
could have something to do with the fact that she looks 12-years-old.
Since Claire is so wildly popular, I feel itÕs incumbent upon me to
evaluate this entire issue based on the youthfulness standard. Hence, let
us proceed:
First, Our Diagram, from Best to Worst:
-----------------------------------
A. Youthfully Delicious (looks 12-years-old)
B. Basically Young
C. Fairly Young
D. Pleasantly Mature
F. Mature
ÒVictoriaÓ (D) is almost too old but not quite. Stephen K. Morris
does an outstanding job of photographing this pleasantly mature young
lady.
ÒSandyÓ (C) is 18 but looks older. SheÕs not quite Ôpleasantly
matureÕ but not as youthfully delicious as Claire. Her photographer does a
brilliant job of photographing her. I especially liked the shot of her legs
pulled very wide apart, plus the shot (always a favorite with me) of her
bending over and showing her ass.
ÒJessicaÓ (F) claims to be 19 but I think sheÕs lying. She looks way
older than that. She doesnÕt even fall into the Ôpleasantly matureÕ
category but, rather, into the dreaded ÔMatureÕ category. SheÕs too old for
me. But she is very nicely photographed in a sexy sauna, complete with a
pail and a rough wooden bench.
Next cummes Claire! (A) Another wonderful pictorial. Our young
stewardess manages to show her bottom, her pussy, and everything in
between, after first showing us how prim and proper she can look all
dressed up in her Airline Hostess uniform. A glorious centerfold
accompanies this particular pictorial of Claire. ItÕs a luscious shot of her
serving (somebody) his drink. SheÕs wearing just long, black stockings,
without even a garter belt. And of course her lovely, slightly messy 12-
year-old-type hair tumbles loosely over her shoulders. Again, looking at
this centerfold, we see the strange allure of Claire. Her tits are obviously
too small and her shoulders are too big yet, I swear, this is the best
centerfold IÕve seen in years!
Next comes ÒSarah.Ó (B) She is pleasantly young. The best part of
her pictorial is a GIGANTIC photo of her bending way, way over, so you can
see her lovely young ass in all its glory. As she bends over, she sucks her
thumb! This is truly one of the greatest photos IÕve ever seen in Mayfair,
or any magazine.
Next (this is sort of like being a doctor) comes ÒCarla.Ó (D) She
looks fairly mature (alas). She has a plain face but a great body.
Fortunately, despite her plain face, sheÕs a blonde. This is good as,
generally, masturbators prefer blondes. (Claire, amazingly, is a brunette,
not a blonde, yet wildly popular.) I felt ÒCarlaÕsÓ pictorial was fairly
boring, compared to the other pictorials in this issue. Yet it does have
several excellent shots in it, particularly the one where sheÕs trying to sit
on the arm of a chair.
Lastly, thereÕs ÒDiana.Ó (B) This girl looks nice and young but,
unfortunately, she also looks like SatanÕs daughter. Perhaps itÕs because
her eyes seem to have a slightly oriental look to them. Nonetheless, if
anyone needs a Devil girl, a Vampire, or a daughter of Satan in his movie, I
highly recommend this girl. Excellent boobs and an excellent body and a
vicious, Ôtake no prisonersÕ face.
Despite ÒDianaÕsÓ rather deadly appearance, there is a wonderfully
vulnerable butt shot of her. It reminded me of a line in Beatrice, in which
it is written (pg. 44):
ÒCaroline was lying naked on her bed, face down. Her wrists and
ankles were bound... Aunt Maude was swishing a long slender cane lightly
across her tight, pink cheeks. CarolineÕs face was flushed. At every
contact of the cane she jerked her hips and whimpered.Ó
(The book ÒBeatriceÓ was published by Grove Press. Then Blue Moon
bought the book and changed its title. Now Blue Moon is, apparently, out of
business. I believe Masquerade Books may own ÒBeatriceÓ now, but under
what new name they might be publishing this classic of Victorian
literature I do not know.)
So, letÕs sum up our evaluation of Mayfair. Claire Cass looks
youngest of all, and she gets the centerfold. Sarah is probably the next
youngest looking, and sheÕs on the cover. So itÕs obvious that the feminist
agenda has completely backfired and turned lots of guys into liking and
lusting after Girls instead of Women. Naturally, the feminist agenda of
ÒThou Shalt Like Only WomenÓ was doomed to fail in any event. But it was
REALLY doomed when it was passed into law by our wonderful government.
Everybody knows that governmentÕs plans frequently backfire. Welfare
doesnÕt help the poor, it creates dependency. DARE doesnÕt deter kids from
drugs, it shows them how to use illegal drugs in an intelligent manner.
The television ratings system doesnÕt ÒprotectÓ children. Rather, in the
words of one critic, ÒIt lures children to the very programs weÕre trying
to shield them from.Ó So, naturally, a stupid feminist plot enacted into
law CREATED exactly the very thing it was designed to eliminate. It
spawned Claire Cass and, frankly, itÕs the reason JonBenet Ramsey has
been turned into a national obsession. At least in the 1970Õs Brooke
Shields was a healthy national obsession. She was a live 12-year-old
playing a prostitute in a movie. Now, in the 90Õs, thanks to feminism, the
girl is not 12 but 6 (JonBenet), and sheÕs not alive, but dead.
Naturally, of course, failure has never stopped either feminism or
the government. If crime goes up, police funding isnÕt reduced because
theyÕre doing a bad job controlling crime. Instead, the police get more
funding! So now we have porno magazines offering ÒThe Youngest Babes
Allowed By Law.Ó (In Hustler.) We have magazines specifically devoted to
presenting ONLY 18-year-old girls. (Hudson Hawk, and others.) And we
have pictorials, such as in Mayfair, where the girls are frequently dressed
up in colorful kidÕs sneakers. So of course that requires yet more
legislation (the Hatch Act), which will only exaggerate the need for
youthfulness. I myself have almost gotten to the point of refusing to buy
any girlie magazine that doesnÕt feature young-looking babes. I mean, take
Penthouse. All the ÔgirlsÕ in Penthouse look old. IÕm sick of seeing these
strippers and dancers that Bob Guccione puts in his magazine. Another
undressed stripper -- what a bore! Even Playboy is fairly boring. Lots of
the Playmates look way too mature. Sometimes theyÕre even married! In
the old days I never thought about these things but now I do. PBSÕs Anne
Taylor-Fleming put it best: ÒThe younger the better!Ó
Such are the fruits of feminism. Sorry, ladies, but I wouldnÕt fuck
you even if you paid me to. I donÕt even want to look at photos of you!
Well, there you have it, ladies. Another sick pervert that one meets
on the bus when one is trying to conserve energy by using mass transit. If
I meet any more weirdos like him, IÕm buying a volvo.
AND IN THE END...
ATTENTION, FEMINISTS!
ÒThe point is to make menÕs necks snap backwards.Ó
- People, March 24, 1997, pg. 95.
(Not by kicking them in the balls but by letting your underwear show. -
h.j.)
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