Paradise Lost, Paradise Regained, Part 14

As if to soothe me, she blew a huge cloud of smoke right into my face, slowly and teasingly. 

“Right. Err, well, first of all, I was really mad at you. You were so eager to go to China, I felt
you wanted to get away from me. I mean, till I went to college I had always been the fat and ugly
one, the one guys would only screw for want of any alternative, when desperate or drunk, mostly both
and I have given in to such a guy only once, on prom night, because I didn’t want to die an old
maid. I felt like I was the last virgin in the universe. But I’m sidetracking. 

So, as I said, you were so eager to get away for what felt like the rest of my life, that I was
really mad at you.” She said quite angrily.

“But Sweety, I had no choice. If hadn’t taken that assignment, I’d probably lost my job. I’ve been
too fucking ashamed to tell you, that’s what the trouble was. Call it machismo or bravado and look
where it got us. I’m so sorry for that. You see, I wouldn’t have left you alone even for a week. But
with the mortgage and things turning sour in the job market, well what could I do?” 

“But why didn’t you say so?” she asked, but I hadn’t confessed it al.

“Because I was too ashamed. You see, I haven’t been performing well. Not that I didn’t want to, but
I couldn’t get along with my boss. He’s such a putz, but I was at his mercy. He had the discharge
papers on his desk, when the DH suggested I’d take that job in China. The DH was the guy who hired
me and he sort of likes me and he doesn’t dig Mr. Dickhead either. In fact, from what I’ve heard,
Dickhead got sacked himself, after it turned out I saved the situation in China with bravado. Rumor
has it, I’m the candidate for Dickheads job. At least that means no trips for a while, not that kind
of stuff anyway, though I might have to attend some conferences, but only for a few days at a time.
Not to mention the raise.”

It was out now and though I knew how bad it would make Moira feel, still I wasn’t innocent so…

“Anyway, I wanted to put things straight. We were talking about you, not me. So all this shit
happened because of you being mad at me?” I went on, thrilled by her incessant smoking. The
self-imposed abstinence had made her really hungry for a smoke and it showed. She had already smoked
the first one down to the filter and sucked greedily on the second one. As I little side show, she
hadn’t bothered to use a lighter, using the butt of the first to light the second cigarette. Though
trashy, if not gross in itself, the gesture still turned me on even more, igniting dreams of her
smoking all day without need for a lighter. But in fact I had other plans for her.

“Yeah, partly, but there was something else. Those days before you left, you were, maybe for the
first time, really making me feel like a woman. I don’t want to say you hadn’t delivered before and
I have to admit, I was quite shy and uptight, so I didn’t make it easy for you. I mean, I sort of
blamed you for that too, even though you were improving. Then you left, I was frustrated and somehow
craving for more of that incredible feeling, I had just learned about. You didn’t bother to call for
two days and I was so worried, my boss all but sent me home, as I was of no use at work. I searched
all the websites for news of airplane crashes, because I wasn’t even sure you’ve arrived safely in
China.”

“But I…” I said trying to set her right. I had written her that had been unable to use any phone for
want of time and because my cell phone hadn’t been working. It had taken me three days to get mail
access, as my laptop didn’t work at first, neither in the local office in Beijing nor in the hotel.
I couldn’t phone her up at night from the hotel because of the time lag and some problems with
international calls, so I had been incommunicado for days.

“Look Honey-bear, I know now what happened, but I didn’t back then.  I mean, I had no idea about
China and how things are there. By the time I got your first mail, it was too late and I had, well
tripped, so, err, well… Guess I said to myself it was too late anyway. I know it was stupid, but
then, look, I have to admit I was beginning to sort of enjoy it. Like once you started to lie or
steal or cheat, your reputation is gone anyway, can’t make it any worse.”

She sighed heavily and she pulled so hard on her cigarette, I cold see it burn down. Then she turned
away. Though her words had hurt me maybe even more than the sight of her humping another guy in our
bedroom, I couldn’t but feel compassion and tenderness. It was too obvious how tormented she was. So
I pulled her close and started to kiss her from her ear to the corner of her mouth and of course she
turned her head to greet my mouth with hers and for quite a while we were too busy to talk.

Sunday, the 18th of May

Sunday passed in a haze of smoke and hot sex. Neither of us seemed interested in raising any of the
subjects, not for the time being, so I just rejoiced upon my newly found sex goddess. Though I could
think of many improvements, I would turn to those when the time would be ripe, knowing that once the
novelty had faded, spicing up would be the thing needed and I had a lot of ideas cooking, though not
really a clear plan for any of them.

Monday, the 19th of May

On Monday I had a lot of things to keep my mind off the state of my marriage. I had left early,
reluctantly leaving Moira in bed with her “breakfast” of coffee and cigarettes. She actually
mentioned she was getting used to that. “Before” she had always been keen on a “healthy” breakfast,
but not by nutritional standards, as ham and eggs had become quite unpopular, but she had all but
grown up on them. But now, as she declared, she was quite comfortable with coffee and cigarettes
till lunch time. Though I swore I loved her opulent frame, she still wanted to shed a few pounds.
Well, I could live with that. Though I had, before I met Moira, dated much smaller and thinner
girls, I had always had a secret desire for luscious women, not really fat, just big, ample and
feminine. That I had, before Moira, avoided bigger women, was actually due to peer pressure mostly. 

Once, still in senior high school, Karl and I had a discussion about our preferences, like which of
the girls from our class we’d like to bed. I mentioned Gina, a girl with already fully developed
body at fifteen and also taller then even most boys. While most of the other girls were still
desperately tucking socks into their bras, making it all the more obvious they didn’t own much to
fill their blouses, Gina had a lot to fill her bra already. Karl laughed his head off. He called her
fat cow and other stupid names, saying she’d soon have look for her boobs in her garter, as big
boobs sooner or later followed he laws of gravity. Well, as Karl was already quite successful with
girls and even grown up women, or at least he claimed so, from then on I avoided the girls with too
big breasts, suppressing my secret longings even harder than my smoking fetish. I never talked about
that with Karl, except in a very neutral way, never even hinting to my true feelings. In fact I had
all but convinced myself that big girls weren’t really sexy. Of course Moira made that inner barrier
of mine crumble. 

Some kind of magic had started when I first touched her, or maybe even when she got within a few
inches of me for the very first time. Apart from any physical characteristics, there was something
chemical going back and force between us. I was to learn later, that, though not yet clear how this
worked, pheromones play a big role in this initial spark that romantic people call “love at first
sight”, though I had learned later that actual love goes beyond that. Even that has been recently
deciphered by scientist to be “imprinting”, but I didn’t care much about any theories. As it was,
she had long gotten under my skin and as far as I could tell, she felt the same about me, despite
recent events. Loving somebody doesn’t necessarily mean that one becomes blind and deaf for anybody
else. It’s more about coming to terms with seeing other attractive persons. 

Anyway, I was terribly busy all day and except for a rather short e-mail in which I told her that I
had indeed been promoted, I was too busy to even phone her. I had to report in person about the
situation in the Chinese subsidiary and other stuff, I needed to move into the new office and so
forth. When I finally got home, it was past seven and I was both exhausted and famished. 

Moira looked fresh and excited, almost sparkling when I entered and she all but bumped me into the
door, as she flung her self at my neck the moment I sat foot in the hallway. For a while I forgot
about being tired or hungry and as a novelty, we did it right there, standing, or let’s say I was
standing, while Moira clang to the hallstand, which gave squeaky sounds, but luckily supported
Moira’s weight till we both exploded. We landed in a heap on the floor, laughing hysterically, as my
legs had failed me after I shot off. 

“Guess we will need a sturdier hook, if we turn this into a habit.” Moira managed to say between
fits of hysterical laughter. “Maybe we can get a garage remote and fix in to the ceiling of the
hall, so you can hang me on to it.” 

That sent us laughing again, until we could hardly breathe any more.

Well, fatigue and all, I still found the power to go for a second round, this time in bed. We took
it up slowly and I managed to mount the levels of passion slowly and tenderly, driving Moira into an
prolonged orgasm, which left her almost unconscious, so I had not only to light but also hold her
“post” cigarettes, and though in the end she had recovered her senses enough to hold her cigarette,
she looked pleadingly at me, even cocking up her hands puppy style, so I had no choice but to serve
her once more. She still seemed to be able to surprise me with new smoke-play tricks to feed my
fetish and I loved her even more for that.

Tuesday, the 20th of May

Though not as spectacular, Tuesday began and ended pretty much In the same way. Wednesday it was
time for girls night agian. Though Moira kept insisting she would rather drop it from now on and
though my guts told me to agree, to have Moira to myself as often as our jobs allowed, I knew it
would be the most stupid thing I could. The however remote peril of Moira relapsing into her “old”
pattern of forgetting me and her wedding vow after a few drinks turned my guts inside out. But then,
playing with the fire also thrilled me in a perverted way to the point I almost wished she would do
it. Maybe all these events had unraveled a till now buried voyeuristic streak in me, because I felt
a freakish thrill when I imagined for a second to see Moira, back to the wall, bumped by some
gorilla character, sucking in ecstasy on a cigarette or something even bigger and moaning with
pleasure. And, I wasn’t even sure whether my horror caused by such an eventuality was bigger because
or her cheating or because I couldn’t be there to watch. 

Wednesday, the 21st of May
Wednesday night came I felt totally out of place at home, waiting hour after hour for Moira to
return. At some point I even had to run to the bathroom to jerk off like a madman when I couldn’t
fight the image of Moira humping some dickhead. Then I finally heard the cab stopping in the
driveway. My watch showed only half past nine, no reason to suspect foul play, though it would have
taken her only minutes to… Still, I felt an enormous relief, and jumped to open the door for Moira. 

She literally fell into my arms, not really stone drunk, but enough for wobbly feet. As I held her
close, she emanated the quite strong scent of smoke and alcohol, much to my delight. Our kiss was a
rather wet affair, not to say drooling and I realized she was not really fit for anything any more.
Though a week ago I had enjoyed riding her, somehow this time I just felt I would take advantage of
her.

Yet, I had not taken into account her own position on the subject. After two glasses of water and a
never-ending chain of cigarettes, she pushed me up the stairs, though in the end I had to support
her. But I didn’t mind, I always welcomed any excuse to hold her and touch her, even in rather
innocent places, like her waist or shoulder.

That night, I had my first experience of sex with a woman who smoked till I she climaxed and of
course she never stopped lighting up till she fell asleep, cigarette in hand. Luckily I was there to
take it away. Even in her drunken stupor, she still made sucking moves with her lips, so I did
indeed put the cigarette to her lips, but she didn’t inhale, so I stubbed out the cigarette, but not
before I took a drag myself. Though I knew exactly how to smoke, I had never done it, I mean, I had,
on occasions, accepted a cigarette from a girl, but I had only puffed, leaving me with a foul taste
in my mouth and the doubtful pleasure of sharing something without actually doing it. This time
however I went for it all. 

I inhaled on purpose, I even sucked down the smoke as best as I could. It racked on my throat, but
in a quite pleasant and refreshing way. Though there weren’t many packs left, Moira still smoked the
Newport cigarettes I had bought her. The menthol taste was overwhelming, but then the head rush sat
in, almost making me loose my balance. Yet, I took another hit, pulling even more smoke into my
mouth and sucking it down as before, this time even holding it down for a while. The sensation on my
throat was harsh but also refreshing and the nicotine rush hit me full force.

I hardly managed to reach the ashtray before I fell on the bed. I felt sick now and the whole room
seemed to sway. Luckily, after a few minutes I recovered enough to use the bathroom and return to
Moira. She was snoring slightly, deeply entrenched in her intoxication, but I couldn’t resist to
spooning her. Though I didn’t wake her up, even in her comatose sleep she reacted and wiggled her
buttocks as in an invitation to drive in. But that wasn’t on my mind. I just enjoyed the sensation
of her skin on mine and embedded my half erect buddy between her buttocks. With the ambrosial blend
of female sweat, cigarette smoke and alcohol in my nose I fell asleep, happy and content. I would do
my best to support her weekly debauchery.