Note: This story was dynamically reformatted for online reading convenience.
 
 (FM Edge...)

   All right, this one's deliberately slow and teasing, for obvious
reasons. EsSensually what it's about, I actually cut out a lot of the
non-sexual romantic getting to know eachother for pacing, so this is all
just basically the sexual/erotic content.  Continuity Note, this is a
practice man, they (The twins) fuck with long distance as part of their
Plantacy stage.  Basically, Vera showing Mira how to sadistically torture a
man Emotionally, instead of Physically, with a degree of separation so she
doesn't have to control herself.  Even if she loses it, she's not there to
try to rape, and kill him.

   Leitmotif: Art of Noise - Close (to the Edit) Extended Remix.  Singles:
AKA "Close Up" or "Closely Closely (Enough's Enough)" on some pressings. 
Actually quite a few different versions, it's early experimental electronic
music, so it's got probably tens of different remixes.  I'm not going to
interrupt the narrative to switch tracks.  As a recurring theme, I've just
got a playlist on random while I write...
:

   Dnice {fm Porn Auto Anal Edge}
To: Edgar@Autolove.org
Subject: Anal Displacement video.
First of all, let me say I love your whole series, it's very
instructional, and far and away the most visible of the kind I have seen on
this site.  Most jackoff vids cover up too much, and end too quickly, but
I've been having trouble with the technique in the anal displacement video.
I tried it, it just doesn't work.  I get off on it instead, and while it's
mindblowing, it doesn't really compare to the all-day build-up cycle I
learned from your other articles, and videos.  Am I doing it wrong?  Should
I do it sooner?  Even letting go completely doesn't stop the climax, though
I have been doing it as a "Quicky" when I don't have time to build up all

day, or when I am too busy.

   Again, thank you for the excellent quality of your series, I see why
they made you an admin on this site, and you inspired me to trying it in
the first place.  I look forward to your response.]
[To: Dnice@...
I have to admit, I don't have much experience with women, much less have
I tried the specific method in question with any.  Have you had any luck
since you sent your message?  I'm sorry it took so long to get back to you,
but as the site owner (Not just an admin) I get a lot of messages, so it
took a while to get to yours.  I saved it, after clearing some of the more
easily dealt with administrative tasks so that I could devote more

attention to it.

   First of all, how do you masturbate?  Specifically how you build up to
denial, and cooldown between sessions?  Also, how do you finally release,
and tell that you have built up enough?  I'm sorry if these questions are
too forward and personal, but I need this information to properly answer
your question.  I'm also discussing it with some of the other women on this
site.  To see if they can help with input, but I'm not referring to you by
name, just as "A member" for privacy.]
[To: Edgar
Well, I've tried everything I could think of, in different combinations,
but lately took to saving the anal penetration to trigger release.  I must
say, that's a great improvement in intensity.  I also found that pure
clitoral is the best way to go with your method.  I start out with just
exterior touching, the pubes, and rubbing through them to get him out.  I
call my little man in the boat "him," but because this is denial, I tease
him as much as possible if I have the time.  Then, I slip a couple fingers
in between, but just tease my opening, and hold my thumb down in my pubes.
Or sometimes fingers from my other hand, but still.  Not moving them is
very important to keep him hard without climaxing, but my fingers in

between also keep my lips from touching eachother, or the hood.

   I continue this until I become wet, and it's a great way to do it, as
I'm building up tension.  Here's where I start running into difficulty:
It's not easy to reach front and back at the same time, so I stop, and turn
over for the next part.  Vibing, I recently got a powerful massager with a
head that is too large for penetration, but with a pillow I can rest most
of my weight on my pubes.  This stimulates me deeply, but indirectly, and
leaves my hands free to reach back.  With lubricant, I tried dipping it out
of myself, but it's difficult, and takes too long to get enough without
penetrating, so I get off first.  So, I started buying lube, and that's
also helped a lot.

   The real problem lately has been disengaging, and penetrating to turn
myself back off, but I think I'm getting the hang of it.  Since I turned 18
(And joined the site, though I must admit to lurking before I could verify
it.) access to the sex shop has also really helped.  In addition to the
massager, which I got from a medical supply store, I've added a buttplug to
my collection, which really helps the cooldown by your method.  I measured
it, the circumference is 5 1/2" around, but just the tip helps to displace
the stimulation from the front to back.

   As for how I build up to release, that's mostly to do with why I got
into edging in the first place.  I suffer from Insomnia, and I read
somewhere that Orgasm may help with relaxing to fall asleep.  That led me
to information on masturbation, but unfortunately that's mostly
pornography. One of the few resources which has helped is yours.  Again,
thank you for providing this information, it's unfortunate that it has to
be age restricted, because it really could have helped a couple years ago
when my grades began to suffer.  However, with your techniques, I can wake
up early, enough to get a session in before getting up, then several more
throughout the day.

   Not that I carry the massager, and buttplug with me all day, those seem
to be best in bed.  The bathroom sessions are mostly to build up tension
teasing with fingers, and I really don't get even that close to the edge.
So, I start the day right, then reapply the tension in restrooms when I
need to, and can get the break.  Finally, I release as described, though
there are a few things I don't really know how to put into words.  So,
here's a couple attached videos I made today, of the morning session, and
now the goodnight session I'll attach and send right before I pass out. 
Would you like a mid-day bathroom maintenence session for reference as
well? I think I might be able to set up my phone somehow to capture it. 
(Without dropping it in the toilet.)

   Again, thank you, so much for everything you've done.  You've changed my
life, truly.  Without this information, I never would be able to graduate,
but with a little luck on my finals, I will probably be able to go to
college this fall.]
[Dnice:
Glad to hear it, and the videos truly helped.  Have you tried a more
upright position?  I see what you mean about the pillow, it helps you get
the depth you need in the mattress, but this may also be causing your
difficulty.  I have a similar buttplug, specifically in the flat base, so
if you have access to woodworking tools, what I suggest is taping or
otherwise attaching it to a baseboard, (Cut to a comfortable size and
shape, I suggest sanding down all edges.) So, you can kneel in bed, and use
your bodyweight for the penetration.  This leaves your hands free to

operate the massager, for speed, position, and depth of stimulation.

   If you don't mind me asking, are you an athlete, and/or do you have some
sort of medical condition that limits your growth?  I couldn't help but
notice your musculature, and relative underdevelopment, despite age
verification.  Not that I believe you faked your age, but I must say you
don't look 18.]

   [Edgar

   Yes!  My god you're right I was totally doing it backwards.  I
originally tried that position so I could pass out in bed, but this morning
I tried it upright as you suggested.  The extra control over the massager
made it so much easier to buildup more slowly, and as a bonus I just had to
drop it, and relax onto the point of the buttplug.  That did it, so well, I
just had to write this quickly while it's fresh in my head, and the
demo-video uploads.  I have to get ready for school soon, but in answer to
your question, I am a gymnast, and still close to my Competition weight
from participating in the State Finals.  That's why I'm so athletic, and my
coach suggested delaying puberty through diet so that I could maintain my
petite size.  It helps with rotations, in flips the shorter frame makes my
mass more centered, so I turn faster, and also makes it easier to get
higher with areal moves.

   TTYL, GTG.]

   [Dnice

   That certainly explains it, and I hope you don't mind getting aroused
from your videos?  I have to ask, because I see pornography as
objectifying, and that wasn't the original intent of the exchange. 
Fortunately, I'm literally writing the book on sexual self denial, so I
resisted the urge to do anything about it with the image fresh in my head.
Glad I could help.]

   [Edgar

   Oh god no!  I love the idea of you getting aroused, watching me.  I'd
love to think that you even get release, thinking about it, and I have to
admit I have.  Watching and remembering your videos, is the most erotic
thing I can think of, and I got release last night.

   Well, actually I have a question for you now.  How cum you don't post
any videos of release?  I'd love to see it, and just the thought of seeing
it, was the most powerful one I've gotten so far.  I didn't even touch my
anus, just watched your video to get aroused, and rode the Hitachi to a
knockout.  It literally knocked me out, I woke up with it still buzzing
away under me, and had to turn it off in the middle of the night, but all I
could think of is your prostate milk, seeing that, and I dreamed of
watching you ejaculate, fully, for real.  Not just on the internet, but
meeting you, and watching you deny yourself until you get release.  That
would be the most incredible experience of my life!]

   [Dnice

   I'm sorry, but I am not comfortable with the idea of people, looking at
me like that.  That is why I don't post videos of release, I can't achieve
it with someone watching me, even my webcam.  It's all right, you didn't
know, but now I must say please stop.  It makes me extremely uncomfortable,
and just the thought of it denied me the edge trying to build up tension
myself.  If this persists, I'm going to have to stop reading your messages,
and responding to you, I already had to remove my videos from the website
for my own sexual health.]

   ...

   [All right, I must apologize.  You didn't know, I hinted at it, but mine
isn't a common sexual disorder.  So, I unfairly blamed you for ignoring it,
because I was triggered.  I had a bad experience as a child, with a
pornographer who forced me to play with myself, and threatened to show my
parents the pictures if I told anyone.  Your message accidentally triggered
those memories, and that prevented an intensifying session before it
started.  Now I just feel guilty, for making the advance, then getting
upset when you returned it.  I guess I wasn't expecting you to be so
enthusiastic because of denial.

   TBPH, once I calmed down, I thought about the other part.  The IRL part,
and the idea of meeting you, personally, I accidentally climaxed.  I felt
like I got your problem, even the anal penetration just made it feel
better. So, I reposted the instructional videos, and celebrated by
uploading the first climax, ever on camera.  Here's a sneak peek:]
[Edgar:
OMFG!  The video of you ejaculating, despite trying to stop it, thinking
of me!  I did the same thing, tried to stop it, but that just made it
happen anyway, and then the buttplug went all the way in so I snapped shut
over it.  God, I have never climaxed that hard before, and so long, I
didn't even drop the hitachi, just held it on until it hurt.  It was first
thing this morning, and I was almost late, but I'm still so satisfied from
this, I'm using this break to write you instead of build up tension.  Now I
can't think about anything else, it's distracting, but fortunately I can

retake that final, and I'm on a half day so I can go home and start over.

   I can't wait, but looking through my options for college in fall, I bet
there is a school near you, I can visit, and see you while I'm there.  My
father already said there's enough extra in the fund for tickets, so I'll
be visiting schools this summer once I have a short-list of 5 selected. 
So, name the school, and I'll start arrangements.  Also, congratulations. I
can't imagine what that would be like, what happened to you, and I hope he
rots in hell for doing it to you.  However, I hope this breakthrough helps
you get past it, and finally enjoy sex with someone to watch it.  I can
only hope that someone is me.
Love:

   Dnice]
[Dnice:
Wow, okay?  I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that, yet, but with what

happened last time, let me think about it?]

   ...

   [All right, I reread your offer, and firstly: My abuser was a woman, my
aunt, which is why she was able to threaten me with the pictures.  And yes,
she is in jail.  I told the police once I realized that they were evidence,
and exposing her for it would make her stop.

   I'll tell you what, you may be right.  I originally started taping
myself to get more comfortable with a camera watching, and that's what led
to me discovering denial.  I couldn't get off, without turning the camera
away, but then when I did it was the most powerful up to that point.  Then,
sharing my experience eventually led to being comfortable enough to
actually let anyone see the videos.

   So, being able to climax on camera, much less post the video the same
day is a good sign, however I don't want to get ahead of myself at the risk
of another traumatic experience.  That being said, I may be ready to try
moving onto the next step, which as I see it is live voyeurism.  I've never
edged myself with someone watching live, and over the past few weeks. 
Well, I never had anyone I felt comfortable knowing they personally watched
me, and you are the first I've even considered asking, but if you give me a
time, I would like to try camming with you later.

   No promises that I will even get aroused, but do you Skype, or have an
account on any other P2P chat protocols?  If you give me particulars on
your Phone and Apps (Manufacturer, OS, and Apps like Messenger) I should be
able to set it up.]

   ...

   Skipping past a long boring technical chat about internet security and
compatibility to set this up.

   ...
Videochat: (MF Mast Expo Voye 1st Love)

   [RUon?)

   (Hey]

   [Hey yourself!)

   (You look beautiful.]

   [Thanks!  You look...

   I don't know if that's the right thing.

   to say to a man?)

   (Well, I don't know about a man, but I don't mind being called
beautiful. How do you mean?]

   [Well, I love your eyes.  I think you have pretty eyes, and IDK.  The
shape of your face?  I guess you kept it out of your videos because of your
problem with being looked at, but I never imagined you would look so, well
beautiful?)

   (You don't think I look too fat?]

   [Well, you're not fat.  Maybe you're not skinny, or some musclebound
hunk, but I love your body.  Fat and all, especially your ass.)

   (Seriously!?]

   [Yes, seriously.  It's the best part.  LOL.)

   (Well, you know I've always been self conscious about that, but you
wouldn't mind if I go ahead and get started?]

   [Not at all, I'm going to switch to sound so I can start getting
undressed.)

   "There.  Can you hear me?"

   "Yes, can you hear me too?"

   "Hang on, let me turn the sound up." ...  "Say something."

   Fap, "Okay," fap, "how's this?" fap...

   "Yeah, that's better.  Let me get my clothes off.  Huh!  Do you, like.
My body?"

   "Oh yeah!"

   "Why?"

   "I don't know, are you self conscious about it?"

   "Well, I'm really small, and petite.  I know it's good for my
gymnastics, but.  Oh!  That's another thing.  I think I'm getting over my
anxiety.  I mean, I think you're helping me, when I perform?"

   "How so?"

   "Huh!  Well, I don't know.  I guess, I only worked in competition once,
so it's hard to tell, but I used to throw up before going on.  Not with the
team, but especially before the Floor Exercise."

   "You're really flexible."

   "Yeah, comes with being a gymnast.  Um, it's not because, I look, so
young, is it?"

   "Well, you are only eighteen."

   "How old are you?"

   "Thirty eight?"

   "Okay, I thought you're older."

   "Why is that a problem?"

   "Oh no!  Not at all, I was just wondering, and now I know."

   "And knowing is half the battle!  Hihihin!  I guess.  Huh!  I'm not a
pedophile.  Yes, you look young, and that makes you pretty, but.  No, I
thought you're a beautiful person before I even saw your first video."

   "OhhH!  God, I'm so wet!  See?"

   "Hhuh!  I need to stop."

   "You need a break?"

   "Huh, yeah.  That was close."

   "Well, you can watch me now, then."

   "Actually, I was thinking it might be better to take turns, so you can
warm up while I cool down, and vice versa."

   "Yeah, uh!  I'm really warming up."

   "Yeah, uhuh!  I can see that!"

   "Hm, talk to me?"

   "Okay, what would you like to hear?"

   "Make me feel beautiful."

   "Well, that's not hard.  You are, such a beautiful woman."

   "Oh!"

   "Yes, I always thought so.  I like your body, no I love it.  I wish I
were there, to touch you, and.  What's wrong?"

   "Getting a little creepy?"

   "I'm sorry."

   "Huh!  You didn't know but, I was, molested once.  Well, I guess the
mood is lost anyway, so can I see you?"

   "Is there something wrong with the picture?"

   "Yeah, I can see your face, but.  Could you move the camera down a
little?"

   "You know, it makes me uncomfortable."

   "Yes, of course, but aren't we supposed to be working on that?"

   "You're right, I'm just not, ready."

   "Is it hard?"

   "No, I mean it's difficult, but I'm not aroused again yet."

   "So?  Show me then.  It's not going to turn you off any more, and I
think it'll help me get turned on again."

   "Yeah?  Well, okay then."

   "Ooh!"

   "What?"

   "You're, it's beautiful.  Hhuh!  God, I can't believe I'm saying this
about a penis, but, HhH!"

   "Wow, it really turns you on, so much?"

   "Hm, yeah?"

   "Why?"

   "Hh, I don't know?  Huh, I just, I like looking at it, hard or soft,
but. Uh!  It's getting hard again!"

   "Yeah."

   "Huh!  Don't touch it, I want to see it.  Huh!"

   "Wow, that's.  Is that, lube?"

   "What?  Nh!  This?"

   "Yeah, it looks like, cum?"

   "Well it is?  I mean, I haven't gotten off yet, but.  You know girls get
wet, right?"

   "Yeah, but it's white."

   "Mhm?  It's also thick, and creamy, and.  Slip!  Mh!"

   "You like it."

   "Mh, yeah, huh!  I wish it were your cum.  Huh, nh!  I want to taste it,
your cum, and feel it all over me.  Nh, yeah."

   "Huh, huh, huh!"

   "Oh god," SPAP!

   "Oh god.  Nh!"

   "No, don't cum yet, don't ruin it."

   "Huh, huh, huh!  Hhhhhhh!"

   "That was close."

   "Yeah."

   "You better fuck yourself.  Nhihihm!"

   "You want to watch?"

   "OMyGod yes!"

   "Here, let me turn around and get lubed up."

   "Yeah, god I love your ass!"

   "Nhm?"

   "I just want to grab it, and feel it, and kiss it."

   "My ass?"

   "Yeah, uhm.  I'm getting too turned on again, so.  Huh!  I better just
watch you now.  I think, it's like slapping myself, or fucking yourself to
turn back off, but.  Hihh, huhhh.  There was this guy, at the State finals.
He, uh.  He grabbed me, and he touched me, through my leotard.  It's taken
me years, just to think about it, but now it's really good to break the
mood, when I get too close."

   "Yeah.  Uh, I think about it too.  I mean my Aunt, but you know how it
was creepy, when I said I wanted to touch you?"

   "Yeah?"

   "Well, huh!  Thinking about my aunt.  It doesn't turn me off any more.
She didn't touch me, she just took pictures of me, but.  Nmh!  Huh, auh!"

   "You really like to fuck yourself!"

   "Yeah, auh!"

   "I like to watch."

   "Nh, mh!"

   "Yeah, fuck it.  Fuck that big hard dildo up your ass," PLPLPLPLP! 
"huh! HhuhH!"

   "No, stop." Chair squeeks.  "Don't get off, don't cum yet, god that's a
lot of cum!"

   "Yeah, Slip!  Mh!  I'm so close now."

   "We better take a break."

   "Yeah, but you're hard."

   "Yeah.  How much, of that cream can you make?"

   "I don't know?  Huh?  I usually don't, so quickly.  God this is hot, I
don't think, I've ever made this much without hours to get worked up, but,
SLIP!"

   "What's it taste like?"

   "I don't know, pussy cream?  It tastes like me, like sex.  I'm not even
sure if it tastes like mancum, but I can't describe it."

   "But you love it."

   "Yeah, it tastes like sex to me.  It's like desert.  After I cum, I can
lick it all up, and it's like.  Bookends?  Yeah, I lick my fingers first,
to get wet, and then I get wet enough to finger some of the cream out, and
then I just go back and forth.  The more I taste it, and rub it all over,
the more comes out so I can taste it, and rub it all over, and, Huh!"

   "Stop."

   "Huh?  Huh, huh huh.  You're right.  God, I'm just not used to it going
so fast!  With you here, to talk to well it feels like you're here, but
with you watching me, and watching you fuck yourself.  Huh!"

   "God, it's a lot."

   "Yeah, like I said, I'm used to it taking hours, to make this much."

   "You didn't even leak any in your videos.  That's why it surprised me."

   "Yeah, well those were quickies.  I guess, gracious!  It hasn't even
been 15 minutes?"

   "Yeah, I guess fucking is like that, for me too.  I can do it for hours,
but I don't get off.  So, it keeps building up more and more, so when I
finally release, it's mindblowing."

   "Yeah, huh.  How long can we do this?"

   "I don't know, I don't have any plans for Saturday morning.  You?"

   "Yeah, I kind of cleared my schedule.  After competition, I still have
to gain weight, rest, and recover, so that's the plans: Sleep in, eat, rest
and recover.  Maybe it's, also partially the tension from competing, but
like I said, it wasn't like that, this time."

   "How so?"

   "I don't know?" Thinking...  "I wasn't nervous, even for FX.  That's my
worst exercise, because with say the Vault, it's over too quickly, or the
uneven bars, I'm so busy I don't have to think about it, but the floor is
like a dance.  I'm out in the middle of everything, and everyone's watching
me, or at least I feel like that, and normally it's so distracting it makes
me fault, which is distracting, so I make more faults, and it ruins the
whole routine.  I can do it in practice, but then I get out there in front
of all the spectators, but this time, I did it perfectly.  Just like in
practice, I just got off, went out, and did it."

   "You released first?"

   "Yeah, I 'went to the bathroom.' I tried it before, taking tension
breaks, and did a good long buildup session in the hotel, but it never
worked that well before.  Hm.  I guess, well I think maybe it's because
this time I imagined you.  Watching me."

   "In the stands?"

   "Well, bleachers.  They held it in a High School, but.  Yeah, when I got
release before hand, then I thought about you watching me do the exercise,
and somehow that got me through it."

   "Well, can I watch you some time?"

   "Sure, it's a State competition, they taped the whole thing, I just have
to upload the video."

   "Maybe later, that would probably degrade the video quality of this
connection, so I'll watch it later."

   "Um, you think I could, well I should get off now?"

   "You feel ready?" Nod on camera, "Do you think it would help?"

   "I don't know, if I can get any more aroused.  Huh!  I've never been so
turned on, and, I can't stand it."

   "Mind if I try to get off too?"

   "You think you can, with me watching?"

   "I want to try!  Would you like me to?"

   "Oh yeah, I want to see it.  You jerking off for me.  More than
anything, more than I even need release, even now!"

   "Should I go first?"

   "Can we try to do it together?"

   "Yeah, I'd love that." Sliplplplp...  "Huh, can you, beat it harder? 
Huh, I can't.  Huh, hear it."

   FAPFAPAPAP!  "This uh!  Good?"

   "Yeah, hmh!  Are you watching?" Eyes closed.

   "Yeah, you look beautiful.  All turned on like that, covered in your
cum."

   "Yeah, talk to me.  Huh!  I can't talk, or keep my eyes open, and get
release.  Huh, you want to touch me?"

   "Yeah, I want to touch you all over."

   "Tell me when you're about to cum."

   "Yeah, I want to cum all over you, too.  I really want to taste your
cum, and lick our cum off of you."

   "Hhm, nh, neah, yeah!" nodding hard, eyes clenched tight.

   "I want you to fuck me."

   "Hheah!"

   "I want you to fuck my ass."

   Slplplpl, "Hh," SLPLPLP!  !  !  PLplp, plp, plp.  "HhhhHhHhH!"

   "Uh, fuck!"

   "Yeah, cum for me.  Cum all over me!  HhHhihih!"

   "Uh, nh, ghn!"

   "Yeah, all over my body!  Yeah!"

   "Huh huh huh!" Chair squeeks again, "Whew!  That's fucking intense!"

   "Yeah, ngh!  Huh, I think I love you, Edgar."

   "Declan.  My real name is Declan."

   "Kelly."

   "Nice to see you, Kelly."

   "Yeah, you too.  I'm about to pass out now, so goodnight."

   "Good night, I uh.  I love you too."

   "Mwah,"

   "Mwah."
[Kelly:
I'm sorry.  I don't want to lie to you, and I don't mean to, but at the
time I was lying to myself.  So, here's the truth: I think it is because
you look so young.  I still don't know whether that makes me a pedophile,
but I've given it some thought, and I believe it may be because I was
denied that stage of romantic development.  Because of my exposure, and
sexual shaming, I never had romantic feelings for a teenage girl, even when
I was a teenager.  All this is theory, but the best I can figure you, no I
need to go through that, for my sexual and emotional health, because it's a
natural part of development.  I'm just doing it late because of my Aunt's

abuse.

   Oh yeah, and you're right about that.  It's a turnoff, but I didn't
think to use it as a turnoff, so I don't get off.  I did it, in retrospect,
I just wasn't conscious of it, so thanks for calling me on it.  Likewise,
thank you for the Floor Routine video.  Is it exercise, or routine?  You
said both, so I'm not sure which is proper when, and internet research
didn't really clear that up.

   So, anyway, onto the video.  I hope you're sleeping well, because I
can't.  So, I'm playing that, but the music annoys me.  It feels familiar,
but I can't place it, and I don't even know what search terms to use.  I'm
thinking it sounds new-wave/first generation Techno, like Herbie Hancock,
but because it isn't, I can't find it, but other than that.  You're so
graceful!  I love the Dance parts, since you said it's kind of like
dancing, but then you switch from the graceful ballet moves to Power, and I
really love that contrast.

   I must admit, I have watched gymnastics before, not this year because I
haven't had the time to devote to the Olympics.  The Election is such a
firestorm on the internet, it's kind of hard to handle all the political
posts, and pay attention to the Summer Games, but I'm recording the
Gymnastics portion now, to watch when I have the time to appreciate it. 
So, I can't say I was always a fan, nor I never watched it, but you
definitely give me reason to renew my interest in the sport.

   I don't think it's sexual.  Beautiful certainly, but I appreciate the
Mens' as much as the Womens', and again, it's the contrast.  Mens' seems to
be more about the power, with brief beautiful parts, while Womens' is more
beauty, or dance, with brief explosive power, and of course the technical
skill throughout I can't help feeling I can barely appreciate.  But I love
watching you, and if you tell me when your next competition is, I'll try to
make it, just to see you live.  But, there's something special, about
watching you, since we're developing this connection, instead of just a
Gymnast, I can't get over the fact that it's you, Kelly, doing all that. 
Being so graceful, and powerful, I just keep watching it over, and over,
and it's still at the point where I keep seeing new things I missed before.


   Like, for example.  Um, @ 3:17 when you finish flipping corner-to
corner? Yeah, you did the typical landing position, and "Stuck" it as far
as I can tell, but then you turned, and the way one arm goes up, the other
down, and the little half smile as your profile is revealed?  I paused it,
still in the 3:17 second, but this one frame is just so gorgeous, I'm going
to capture it to send as an Attachment:

   ]IMG[

   Beautiful.  I just made that my background image.  I know you said that
you love me, and I said it back, both in a moment of post orgasmic passion.
Now that I have had time to think about it, let me clarify: I think we are
falling in love, with eachother.  I don't believe that 1 mindblowing orgasm
over a video chat is enough to say Love, sincerely, but it's a start.  I'm
falling in love with you, and I can't wait for your visit.  Here's a list
of colleges in my area:
]Attachments:

   ;

   Leitmotif: Changes to AON - Moments in Love (Who's Afraid of the Art of
Noise?)
[Declan:
Are you Irish?  I looked it up, it's a Gaelic name originally, and I
think you look Irish.  Yeah, I think you're right.  I said ILU in a moment
of passion, and after sleeping on it, I can agree with falling in love. 
But, it's hard to think straight, with my dreams of you still running
through my head, and sitting on my Hitachi for my morning routine.  It
doesn't feel like routine, I don't have to build up tension so I can sleep
tonight, it's saturday, and my last day of school is the makeup test on
Tuesday, so I've decided that's not what I'm doing.  Today, I'm doing this
for you, saving it for you, building up sexual tension so we can get off
together, tonight.  If you don't mind, doing another video chat tonight? 

;)

   Oh yeah, and a lot of those schools were already on my list, lucky you
live in such a large metropolitan area with so many schools, it will even
save me money, or my father's college fund if I don't need to pay for a
hotel.  I can catch several Open Houses around September, but that
definitely narrows down Where to your area.  TBPH, I can't imagine going
anywhere else than to be closer to you.  It would doom me to failure,
thinking about you, instead of my classes.

   No more meets.  I didn't give up Gymnastics, but at this point, I'm too
old to make it a career.  The only reason I made it on the Senior Varsity
team this year, and to State is my strength on UB made up for my faults on
FX.  Oh, let me try to explain the difference.  The Exercise is the Event:
Floor Exercise, since there's no Apparatus other than the springfloor
itself.  The Routine is my performance, the moves I practice, the dance I
use to string them together, and the music is Art of Noise - Close (to the
Edit) or Beatbox Version II, but an unique edit for timing, and length. 
It's a minute and a half routine, and we cut out the vocals.  My coach, and
I, so I guess we can call it the Lapinsky edit, since she did most of it
for me, but we worked up the routine together.

   Re: My young looks.  Okay, it's kind of creepy, and exiting at the same
time?  Creepy because someone took advantage of it, but exciting because,
well I'm still thinking about it.  So, no time like the present, right? 
Uhm, well, it's not like a schoolgirl fantasy, because I am, literally a
schoolgirl, at least for a few more days.  It's not like UR a creep, or
anything like him, but like you said this attraction was started because of
our common sexuality?  INS if that's the right word, is auto-erotic edging
a sexuality?  Is it autoerotic with someone else?  I guess you're the
expert here, at least for men.  Are you really a virgin, in the sense that
you've never been with anyone else?  Our abuse doesn't count, because it
was done to us, and like you said, she didn't touch you.
So anyway, I guess that makes up for our age difference, and I love that
you think of me as a woman.  Going back over our chats, and emails, I
noticed you always called me that, a woman instead of a girl, even though
you used the word Girls, just not about me.  So, I guess it's a turn-on,
that you like the way I look, just like your age, experience, and body are
a turn-on for me.  And I mean your fat, not to say you Are fat, but I love
your fat.  You just look so round, soft and cuddly, I just want to hug and
cuddle you as much as anything.  I don't really like muscle guys, or skinny
guys, and I even think it makes your face beautiful.  I don't think you'd
be as pretty without the fat to round out your cheeks, and your jawline.  I
love your cheeks, especially when you're turned on, and they get so red,
especially when you're typing to me, and not thinking about it, so I could
see, god I wish I had recorded our first time, and I love the picture you
sent me.  You're right, it's about the most beautiful I have ever seen

myself, and I never thought I was ugly, just looked a little too young.

   And I think, the reason for that is it always attracted the wrong kinds
of guys, until you.  They were all attracted to me because I looked like a
child, and they never even bothered to learn anything else about me. 
That's all I ever was to them, a little girl, but because of the way we
met, it's like you got to know me before you ever saw me, and then my looks
didn't turn you away, it just added to what is slowly becoming love.  And I
can wait, to see you, wrap my arms around you, kiss you, and be with you.
You taught me that, how to wait so that it's even better when the waiting
is over.  I love everything about you, but this, waiting is what I love
most of all.  It's what makes you special, most men can't wait, to get off,
see me naked, and get on with the sex.  You can, better than anyone I ever
even heard of.  You're writing the book on waiting, saving yourself.

   And that's why I love, saving myself for you, Kelly.

   Ps: I better get off the Hitachi, and the computer.  Before I get off
and ruin it.  ;) See you tonight.  Love, and lust...]

   [Dear Kelly:

   Nice!  ;) Talk about a blast from the past, that was my favorite video
as a kid.  I've got it playing in another tab right now, but I basically
grew up on MTv as a kid, and I even had a crush on the little girl from the
video back then.  I guess I had to have been about 6 at the time, just
counting back to the time it came out.  Which brings us back to the
question of Age, so like you said: "No time like the present!"

   Okay, it's a deal, but not a big deal.  You're legal, even if you don't
look it, and going back over our conversations, I guess I don't want to
feel like a pedophile, but; I look like one of those, losers, who get fat
on the internet, and send dick pics to underage girls in forums they might
be too young to be in.  As an admin, I deal with them every day, both
underage kids circumventing Net-nanny (A common ploy is logging on with a
parent's account) out of sexual curiosity.  The thing is, I teach waiting,
denial and edging so that when it is requited it's that much better.  While
predators (Which it seems like I have to block, and ban every day) try to
rush children and young adults into sexual activity before they're ready.

   What we have here is a potential problem to work past, instead of
denying it.  I'm twice your age, literally old enough to be your father, so
the thing to avoid is indulging in any of those fantasies.  For me, I
wouldn't be comfortable in playing your daddy, or any other exploitation
fantasies, because my fantasies tend to escalate.  I'm afraid that sort of
ideation might lead to at best impotence, and at worst predatory behavior.
I wouldn't, ever even consider sexualising someone before they're ready,
but the conflict could force me to stop running a forum on sexuality, even
masturbation, and sexual delay.  So, let's set some ground rules, starting
with nothing like Schoolgirl, Daddy/Daughter, or other exploitation
fantasies, agreed?

   Which brings us to the Teacher/Therapist and Student/Patient nature of
our relationship.  Before, I believe the best way to address that is, it
was our relationship, before we became romantic.  Now, we should progress
to a more equal dynamic, of helping eachother with discoveries.  Like you
have already helped me, before we met, I could barely imagine release on
camera, showing my face, live video chat, much less climax with you
watching.  Now, it's difficult not thinking about you being here, naked,
covered with your beautiful cream, and ejaculating on you to taste them
together.

   To be honest, I have been unable to edge myself since.  Hopefully the
excitement will wear off, but I've stopped masturbating all together, and
just left my erections untouched, or fucked myself to get rid of them.  I
started off that way, in fact I punished myself analy for getting
erections, because my Aunt.  Okay, that still works.  Not time like the
present, eh?  Yeah, I can finally just write instead of being distracted by
it, so let me tell you exactly what she did:]

   {Author's aside: Trigger warnings, Incest, Pedorasto, Exposure,
Humiliation, and MC.  Brainwashing.}

   [It started when I was about 8.  I guess she always, saw me sexually.  I
just wasn't aware of what she ment calling me her "Favorite Nephew,"
telling me what a pretty little boy I was, "I could just eat you all up!" I
might as well go through all the trigger phrases now, since they can ruin
the mood, intentionally, or accidentally if you said them while we're
together.  Let me see, "Special little guy, Messy Dessy, Dirty, Nasty,"
well just about everything like that.  Oh, and "Hugs and Kisses!" I
actually shuddered a little bit, but just finally writing about it makes me
feel a little better and better.

   So, what she did was make me feel special.  Cute, smart, more mature,
just about everything, but now that I can actually think about it without
crying, I think this was all to cause an erection.  That's what made it
change, every time she buttered me up, and made me touch her breasts until
I got a stiffy, then humiliated me for it.  Not, touch her, sexually.  Just
sitting in her lap, but I didn't think about it sexually because I was too
young.  No, really she touched me with her breasts.  All the time, Huh! 
Maybe that's even part of why I like your body, you're not completely
breastless, but at least they're not large, mature, and.  Huh, you said
something, about hugging me, and feeling my big soft body.

   So, I'm starting to think it's not so much about you being young as not
being as big, old, mature, and busty as Aunt Rachel.

   Wow, breakthrough!  I haven't been able to, write that name, ever in my
adult life.  Aunt Rachel.  Holy fuck!  I mean, it was really bad, I had to
run, hide, and cry uncontrollably because I met a woman, and her name
happened to be Rachel.  She didn't even look anything like her, but just
hearing it, it must have been last year, but just hearing that name flashed
me back to the fear, shame, and made me feel like a kid again in the worst
possible way.

   "Aunt Rachel," I just said it out loud, and I don't even feel like
crying!  Oh my God!  I can't even begin to describe what this emotional
release feels like!  It's better than any sexual release I have ever felt,
and I have to think you have at least half of the responsibility for it.  I
need to take a break, to think, but I can.  I can think about it now, all
because I ever even tried to explain it to you.  I know, I never would have
been able to, to anyone but you, because I know there's no reason to be
ashamed with you.  All my fears, of being judged are gone.  You said once
that I have changed your life, so let me leave you with this:

   I love you, most of all, because you change my life in return.  I love
you, I'm not falling in love any longer.  It's official, I am now
completely and truly in love with you.

   I can't wait to see you again, Love, Declan.]

   ...

   [Shit, I already sent it, but PS: We can't do spanking either.  I just
thought of that, but she spanked me for getting hard, and we may be able to
work past it, but since you said you love my ass, I don't believe it goes
without saying.  I don't think I'm ready for spanking yet, but now I can
hope that some day I may be.  And it's all because of you.  You freed me,
and I can't thank you enough.

   Oh yeah, and is 3:30 good for you?]

   [RUOL?)

   (Yeah, you ready to chat?]

   [LOL, I'm ready to VC, you want to set it up?  I sure can't wait for
3:30!)

   (Yeah, give me a minute:]

   {Edgar@Autolove.org would like to Video-Chat:

   Decline [Accept] Block...  More Options>}

   "Hahaha!"

   "What's that?"

   "Sorry, the options for the VC invite, one of them was Decline."

   "Ha, yeah.  I never thought of that."

   "Like I would ever decline you, Declan."

   "I love you, did you read my last Email?"

   "Um, let me check.  The last one I read starts: Nice!  ;)" Winks IRL.

   "Yeah, uhm."

   "I don't know how to feel about, what she did, but I'm so happy for
you!"

   "Yeah, I'm still pretty psyched about it too."

   "Oh, Re: Groundrules/Age Play.  That's fine with me.  I thought about
it, and you know, I'm just now becoming an adult, so being a minor is more
of a recent memory than a fantasy.  I'm sure feeling a lot better about my
looks thanks to you!"

   "Yeah, and I didn't think you'd want to be my schoolgirl victim any more
than I want to play Don't Stand so Close to Me."

   "Is that a sex game?"

   "No, well.  Actually, it might be for someone.  It's a song, by The
Police!"

   "Ahahahahahahaha!"

   "Yeah, hehaha!  So, anyway, that reminds me.  What made you pick Art of
Noise for your routine?"

   "Oh, well.  Umh, you did, as far as inspiration.  I've been practicing
for months, but I was already getting into edging because of your site, so
when I found the video.  Oh yeah, back to groundrules.  Um, would it be
okay, if I dressed up, like her?"

   "The girl in the video?"

   "Yeah, it's a hot look, and you said you had a crush on her in the 80s?"

   "Well, as much as I could, at that age.  It um, helped me remember,
too."

   "What?"

   "Well, before.  Huh, before Aunt Rachel started abusing me."

   "Oh, I'm sorry!"

   "Huh, don't be.  Thank you, yeah you triggered me, but.  It was almost a
good.  No, actually the best trigger I ever had.  I'm seriously, I can
remember it now, without flashing back.  Hell, I just said Aunt Rachel,
like it was nothing!  Aunt Rachel!"

   "No, you still winced, both times."

   "Okay, not nothing, but still.  Just hearing that name made me curl up
and cry like a baby.  So, it's still a vast improvement.  I haven't been
able to think that, Aunt Rachel, since before I became an adult."

   "Yeah, but this isn't turning you on."

   "Well, I don't just want you, sexually.  I do, but I like talking to
you. No, I love it, face to face like this.  I can almost imagine you here
with me.  I love your voice, and your smile, and making you smile like
that. In realtime, I want love with you, not just sex."

   "Yeah, well, I have a confession: I haven't been falling in love with
you for quite some time.  I've been in love, even before last night, that
was just my first chance to say it.  I saved that too, because I didn't
want to write it, and send it in an E-mail.  I wanted to say it, I love
you, Declan.  Huh!  God, I even love your name, saying Declan, mrh!  I'm
sorry, I can't wait, you mind if I get started?"

   "Not at all, I'm ready too.  And yeah, go ahead and get that Art of
Noise costume, I really want to see you in it.  I can almost imagine it on
you, your hair up in that ginger fauxhawk, and even that 80s makeup."

   "Ahah?  Well, I'll run right out to the beauty parlor, as soon as we're
done.  And the thrift shop?"

   "I have no idea where you'd get the outfit from, you any good at
sewing?"

   "Yeah, I cosplay.  Well, I used to make my own costumes for competition,
but I do it for Rocky Horror, and Halloween too.  Guess that settles my
first summer project!"

   "Oh yeah, Re: Gymnastics, are you really giving it up?"

   "Competing.  Huh!  My career is over, before it ever really even
started. I'm not good enough for the Collegic teams, much less the
Olympics, so I don't think I'll ever give it up.  I love it too much, just
as an adult, I've decided it's a hobby, and I need to move on with a more
realistic career."

   "What are you thinking about?"

   "I don't know, prereqs?  Are you trying to distract me, or would you
like to get it on some time today?"

   "Huh, you're right.  I'm sorry, I wasn't consciously doing it, but you
know.  It is my sexuality."

   "Mine too, but the idea is denial for release.  I've been denying myself
all day, so I think it's about time I had sex with my boyfriend."

   "Hahaha, Well just you calling me that is a real turnon, so you want to
go first?"

   "No, I want to do it together, so could you move the camera down?"

   "Sure thing."

   "I wish I could see your face too."

   "Well, I can move back too."

   "Yeah, that's better, and I'm getting real wet."

   "I can't see it, though."

   "Oh, well it's still clear, see?  I've been thinking about that too, and
you know?  I have no idea what makes me cream sometimes, and others I
don't? I mean, I always get wet, but I've gone hours without creaming, then
last night, you had me gushing out butter in like 10 minutes?"

   "Yeah."

   "So yeah, just so you know, it's not going to be like that every time,
but I think I'm getting better at making it happen.  I'm doing it more, and
more often then when I got started, but here's what I got so far: First, I
start like this.  With my pubes, and this puff of skin under it."

   "Pubis Mons."

   "Yeah!" she looks up, "I forgot that, took health like 3 years ago, but
rubbing my pubes, and mons like this really wakes him up."

   "Well, that's because it Is your clitoris." Nodding, and grinning, "The
part that sticks out is just the tip, the rest of it is actually spread out
all the way up your pubic bone.  That's what the mons is, the buried part
of your clitoris."

   "Oh, huh!  So, it's really my clitoris mons?"

   "Yeah, but you trim your pubes?"

   "Just on the sides, Mmh.  Oh yeah, I like rubbing here, I even have some
stubble, because I didn't shave today, or yesterday, or since State finals,
actually."

   "So, it's for competition?"

   "Yeah, my uniform, well you saw it.  Doesn't leave much to the
imagination.  Kind of hard for me to play with myself in too, but.  Huh! 
Well, now that I think of it, that kind of helped build up tension instead
of getting release, and even protected me, huh!  When I got attacked, well
I guess I should feel lucky, but."

   "Is that why you're stopping?"

   "Well yeah." she sits up.  "Huh!  You taught me that trick, right? 
Well, since you told me, well wrote more about what happened to you.  It's
time for a break anyway, so while I'm using it, I might as well work on
that too."

   "When did it happen?"

   "Uhm," looks up, thinking, bites her lip, "Mwel, that was in Kansas
City, so it had to have been.  5 years ago?  Yeah."

   "So you're 13?"

   "Uhuh?  But you know, how the competition diet is to stunt our growth,
so I certainly didn't look 13.  I had nothing, I can't even remember if I
had my period yet."

   "Okay, first I am distracting you, because I have worked with several
victims before, so this is one way to prevent another traumatic flashback."

   "Like edging."

   "Yeah, it is edging, just up to a memory, instead of an orgasm.  So, 2:
How do you do that, without compromising your health?"

   "Huh, well, it's, I use the Bulgarian diet, because my trainer was
Bulgarian, but it's like edging too.  You don't eat that way all the time,
we get down to competition weight, then back up to non-competition weight
as quickly as possible, because that's when we're at the unhealthy low body
fat.  The idea is to retard growth, so we don't get too big, but if you try
to stay this skinny all the time, then your metabolism crashes, you can't
build or maintain muscle, and your endurance suffers too."

   "So, it also delayed puberty." She nodded, "Until you're about 13?"

   "Huh, so now we go back to that?" He nods, "Well, then you're going to
have to stop, because I can't talk about it with you playing with
yourself."

   "No problem," even moves the camera back up.  "That better?"

   "Yeah, thanks.  Huh!  Okay, I don't guess I was sexual, even if I had my
period, it was one of those things, were you put in a pad, and clean up the
mess later?"

   "I can only imagine."

   "I see what you mean, though.  I never thought about edging up to the
memory."

   "How I got started, anyway.  You can't avoid it forever, either, so
where were you?"

   "When he grabbed me?  Huh, well I guess, I just finished the vault, so I
headded toward the lobby for a drink, and a snack?  I don't remember if I
was hungry too, but we have to hydrate, a lot."

   "So, he grabbed you in the lobby?"

   "No, in the hallway, but he must have been waiting in the stairwell,
because he pulled me in there, and carried me down the stairs under the
landing.  Ngh!"

   "Okay, let's take a break, before you start crying, and go back to
arousal.  It's over, I'm here, I love you, and you look so beautiful
today."

   "Snh!  Yeah?"

   "Yeah, have you been eating?  I swear it looks like you've gained weight
since last night."

   "Well yeah, that's part of recovery, so I'm eating as much as I can to
regain weight as quickly as possible."

   "Well, I like you at your competition weight, you looked soo beautiful
on the floor, and graceful like a ballerenia, but I can hardly wait to see
you when you gain more weight.  Not that you're too skinny now, but I've
seen you like that, and like this, so I can only imagine how beautiful
you'll be when you're full sized again."

   "Huh!  God, it's hard to believe you ever had trouble talking to girls."

   "Not girls, you.  I never could talk to any of them.  Any other woman
but you.  I finally realize I've been saving myself, waiting my whole life
for you."

   "Ooh!  God, look!"

   "I saw it."

   "Slip!  God you're good at making me cream!" nlm Slp Lp Lp...  "Huh!"

   "I love making you cream.  Getting you all wet, and goey inside, so it
runs out."

   "Huh!" SLP LP LP SPAP!  "UH!  Fuck, you're gonna make me cum!"

   "It's okay, you've waited long enough.  Cum for me." Slplplpl, "Cum for
me, cum all over yourself, yeah, look at all that cream gushing out."

   "Huh!" SPLPLPLPL!  "Yeah, heah!" Slip, lmL "HUH, ngh, Slp, Huh!"

   "Yeah, fuck that creamy pussy.  Huh," fpPpPpP!  "Uh, fuck it, fuck all
that thick creamy cum out."

   "Yenh?  NGH!" Shaking, and fingering too fast to hear.  "AuhnnNNH!"

   "Huh!" letting go, and saving it.

   "Nyeahnyhnyhnyhnyh!" Pulling out with the biggest blop yet running down
over her ass crack.  "INH!" stinky pinkie, "Nhehehheahhauhuhuhuh!"
Hyperfingering.

   "Oh good god." He has to look away.

   "AUGH!  FUCK!"

   Covers his ears to keep from cumming hands free.

   "HihihihHihn hihn hihnuh huh huh, Huh!  HUHMH!"

   "Huhh!" daring to look now that the immediate need is over.

   'god,' breathlessly, 'that was incredible!"

   "Feel better?"

   "Slp, huh!  Uh huh?  Slp lup Slup!" Hungrily scooping up, and lapping it
with her fingers.

   "God, I have to try that!"

   "Yeah," holding it up to show him, "It tastes amazing."

   "Yeah," getting the lube, and vibrator, "I mean fucking with it."

   "Oh yeah, it's great for that too."

   "Nh!"

   "Yeah, can you scoot up, closer?"

   "Hang on, Nhuh!" popping out to adjust the chair, then bend over the
back again.  "Can you see better now?"

   "Yeah, ohh spread them some more.  God, I love your pink hole.  Huh!  I
want to eat it out, so bad now."

   "Rimming?'

   "Mmhm!  Honestly, the first video I watched was on your self-anal
demonstration?  Fuck, I think it was love at first sight.  I want to kiss
your ass, all day.  I want to finger fuck my cum in it, and suck it out,
for hours."

   "I'm trying to cool down, now?"

   "Oh.  Sorry."

   "It's all right, I just, almost got off, listening to you moan.  I can't
remember the last time I got so close without going over.  Nh!  I don't
even want to touch my prostate yet, for fear it'll set me off."

   "You're really on a hair trigger, huh?"

   "Yeah, nh!  You, mh, you have no idea."

   "Well, why don't you?"

   "I'm not multiorgasmic, like you.  You needed it, but if I get off now,
it's over for me."

   "Yeah, nhihihm!  Definitely don't want that!  Why'd you want to get me
off, so quickly then?"

   "Nh, desensitization?  Huh, mh!  It might, huh!  Nh, I'm not sure, but
that,s'uh, the only way, UHN!" Slamming shut.  "Huh, huh, huh!  SLk!"
Wiping away drool.  "Huh!  That's enough for now, but let me grab a towel
real quick."

   BRB...

   ..."There," chair squeeks, "Huh, okay, climaxing right after the near
flashback diffuses it, so we can start over, getting closer every time."

   "No, yeah.  I'd say it's working.  You mean, that was a test?"

   "Yeah, sort of for the technique."

   "Yeah, I think I feel better about it."

   "Up to there, but I have to try to trigger you now, so see how well it
worked.  Okay?"

   "Yeah, all right."

   "You ready?"

   "I think so?"

   "Stairwell."

   "Hh.  Yeah, all right.  Um, stop.  I'm not triggered, but that's close
enough."

   "You think it would have triggered you before though?"

   "Noyeah.  I know, that's definitely a trigger, but.  Huh.  I just,
remembered it, without flashing back completely."

   "Okay, let's go back to diet for a little while.  What did you have for
breakfast?"

   "An omelet."

   "What kind of omelet?"

   "Neufchatel, capers, and lox.  With catchup."

   "Why?"

   "The catchup?"

   "Well, any of it?  Why did you have that this morning?"

   "Well, that's how I eat for recovery.  The eggs are for cholesterol, so
I can restart my period quickly."

   "So, your period shuts down?"

   "At competition weight." Nodding.  "I don't want to leak in the middle
of a routine, any more than the judges want to see any pubes, but ideally
you just want to skip one, then get back on the cycle immediately.  Oh,
also for protein, and there's some great essential oils in the smoked
salmon."

   "So, there's a lot to this diet, it also sounds high fat."

   "Oh yeah.  Did the omelet in butter, and used heavy cream to blend the
eggs.  I'm gaining weight, it's a lot safer to gain it quickly than lose
it, but this is the last time."

   "Last time for what?"

   "Last competition, like I said, we lost.  Got our asses kicked, and even
with my best Floor score ever, it was pretty humiliating.  Now, I'm going
to keep the skills, but I'm never dieting down to competition weight again.
So, this should be the last time I have to gain, and train.  Once I get up
to a healthy weight, I think I'll try a normal diet, for a change."

   "Kelly?" Mhm?  "You think you could help me lose some weight?"

   "Of course, but I think you better wait until I get back east.  I only
really know one diet, and it's severe, but Sport Nutrition/Medicine is one
of the majors I might qualify for."

   "I bet you'd be a great personal trainer."

   "Yeah, but don't forget I love your fat.  That's another reason I'm
going to make you wait.  I don't want you losing an ounce until I get to
hug you, just the way you are."

   "Oh!  You're starting to make me love it too, but.  Huh, my doctor sure
doesn't.  I wish I could eat an omelet like that, it sounds delicious, but
I'm pushing 40, my cholesterol's through the roof, and my blood pressure's
getting pretty high too."

   "Well, yeah.  That's why it's called a Healthy Weight."

   "Right?"

   "Right, but I'm not a PT yet, I only really know how to train as a
teenaged female gymnast, so the other reason is so I can do some research
into the overweight middle aged admin metabolism."

   "Hey!"

   "Sorry, that wasn't, supposed to be humiliation.  It was a compliment, I
love your overweight middleage body, but I'll have to get used to you at a
healthier weight."

   "Well, I guess that makes me feel better."

   "Good, I honestly didn't mean to hurt your feelings."

   "Sorry, I'm still a little sensitive."

   "Well, we can work on that, too."

   "Speaking of which," looks at the time, "I really should get some work
done, some time today."

   "Okay, see you tonight?"

   "Oh yeah!"

   "Well, I'm free until Tuesday, so message me when you're ready."

   "Will do, love you?"

   "Love you too."

   ;

   [Kelly

   Well, not like I have anything better to do, nor can I think about
anything else, so I took a shower, and I thought I'd tell the rest of my
story.

   Trigger Warning: MG Sexual Assault.

   While I'm at it, I can take some breaks to edge back and forth between
near triggers to near climax, to see how that works.  Thanks for doing that
with me, but now that I know how, I don't want to waste any of the time I
get to see you reliving our trauma.  It's not about them, it's about us, so
save it for homework.  Deal?

   Okay, so I guess I got as far as the stairwell, and.  Huh.  Yeah, I'm
lucky I was never caught in a fire, because I just can't take the stairs.
Not like that, I mean at home, or outside, it's fine, but if it's a
building with stairs like that, and landings?  Well, you listed off a bunch
of triggers for me, and I almost said your cute little rosebud, but I
remembered.  Well, I guess you're trying to cool down, but.  Still, not
like that.  I'm so sorry about the overweight middleaged comment.  I should
have known that would feel like shaming, I just forgot because I really do
love it.

   Huh, so, the guy.  I never even tried to learn his name, but he didn't
look anything like the typical child molestor.  I guess it's like your,
abuser.  Now that I can think about it, he's probably why I never got into
hunky types.  Maybe he was another gymnast?  I didn't really get to see his
body, but he felt strong, and muscular.  He had on sweats, no logo on them,
but he pulled them down to.  Huh.  He jerked off.  On my leg, I didn't even
get a chance to clean them off, so when I went out and totally fucked up my
Floor Exercise.  Holy shit!  I had the Floor next!

   Do you think that's why, I had so much trouble in competition?  Oh yeah,
it was my first competition, away from home, but it didn't really affect my
Vault.  I didn't flash back on the floor, ever that I remember, but maybe
it wasn't the crowd at all?  Maybe it's because that was my first FX, in a
major competition, we went all the way to Regionals, god this gets so much
easier when you know how, but I need to take an edging break.]

   [Okay, huh!  Just anal this time, butt while I was doing that, I sort of
flashed back?  I don't know, I remembered more and more, but.  It wasn't a
nitemare flashback, like they've always been before.  I guess it was a sort
of breakthrough, because now I strongly suspect that it's why I kept
messing up my FX.  I mostly just replayed every Floor Routine since, and
the uneasiness?  You know how you're having a nitemare, or better yet,
you're watching a Horror Movie.  Yeah, the music changes, so you know
something's about to happen, but you haven't seen it before so you don't
know what?

   That's what it felt like.  The Floor.  God, it's almost like The
Stairwell, only instead of the Nyink Nyink Nyink!  psycho terror, it's the
ominous foreboding feeling, so I never saw it as a trigger.  But yeah,
after that, I had to go right back out, I didn't even get my drink, and I
had to perform, with a dry mouth, a lump in my throat, and his semen drying
on my leg, so it distracted me.  Ugh!  It's so disgusting, just thinking
about it now, I was out there dancing for the crowd with his Semen on my
leg!  They couldn't see it, of course, but I felt it, and it distracted me
so I made a fault.

   The first one was just a slight stumble, in a turn.  I know you don't
know the terms, but you know about Google, right?  ;) It was a pirouette
turn, on one foot, up on my toes, and I had to swing out my other leg to
catch myself, and stop.  I didn't, my toes slipped, so I was out of
position.  I had to turn back for the first pass.  That's a combination,
corner to corner, I had to make 3 of them, but the fault was magnified by
having to turn back, and threw me off of the song, so I was late starting
the pass, tried to catch up a beat by starting a step early, so I wasn't
going fast enough into the roundoff, so I didn't rebound into the
twist-flip (Backflip to forward flip,) which made the landing impossible.
Don't want to bore you with all the technicalities, long story short, I
under-rotated, so I had to bend my knees on the landing, and fell flat on
my face.  I never really recovered from that major fault.

   So, then after that, all the way home we fought over why we didn't
place. It's a team score, as far as moving on, and I had the lowest score
for the team, because I biffed my FX.  So, I got kicked off the team, but
since I was a Freshman next year, I got to start over in high school, and
made it to Jr Varsity a couple years later.  But that's it, isn't it?  I
worked so hard on my Flour Routines in Practice, every day and every chance
I got leading up to the competitive season, but this year, was the first
time I didn't choke on the floor.  And I have no problem at all giving you
the credit, I started edging earlier that year, and at State I finally
decided to Release right before my FX.

   And it worked, instead of going out there with the leftover dread
distracting me trying not to think about what happened, I went out there
feeling like a champion, I had the confidence to do it without any faults,
and while I didn't get a Perfect score, it was more because of the judges,
and there being other seniors there that absolutely rocked the FX.  About
the only fault they could penalize me for is I didn't showboat, I made it
through it, while the better girls went above, and beyond the minimum
requirements.  They weren't afraid of the FX, so they trained on much more
ambitious routines.  Sure, we got our asses kicked, but it wasn't my fault,
I made good consistent scores, so I can retire from competition with a a
good run.  I didn't lose, the team did, but with no false modesty, I had
the best scores across the board in the whole school.  I dare say I carried
the team all the way to state!

   And while it wasn't all because of you, if it weren't for your help, it
would have been another disaster on the floor.  Not just that, but I can
finally think about this, remember it, and know how to stop before I
flashback for a sexual tension break.  Which, I guess I'll do now.  I think
I'll watch my floor routine this time.  I'm just so lucky I found you when
I did, that's why I don't care about our ages, I would love you if you're
90.  I doubt I would have found anyone so similar in our experiences if not
for your site.

   Love, and eternal gratitude, Kelly.]
[Re: Similar Experiences.
I checked my messages, and read yours before calling you, but real
quick: I hate to say it, but our experiences weren't that similar, and are
depressingly common.  Meaning some sort of sexual abuse, I'm pushing 40,
but there's no reliable statistics on mate sexual abuse because we just
don't report it.  Our cultural mores punish us sharing our feelings, so the
common myth is that men are not victims, and being sexually abused makes us
less than men.  So, we deny it, if we even admit we're abused ourselves,

most rape victims deny they were even raped, they "Got lucky."

   The statistics on female victims, the most reliable ones I know are from
RAINN: 1-in-3 girls report a sexual abuse or assault before they turn 18,
and that doesn't count unreported cases.  So, as you become more
comfortable talking to people about it, talk to your friends.  This is how
we combat this epidemic: We talk about it, silence favors the abusers, so
they're never accused, never arrested, never convicted, and never punished.
I hate to say that won't help without more arrests, charges, convictions,
and sentences, with all the Brock Turners out there, but none of those will
get any better without more reliable reporting.  The problem is that Men
control where the reports go, they won't admit that men can be raped, and
they want to excuse other men for sexual abuse to perpetuate the myth that
#NotAllmen are sexually predatory.
The truth is that All men, all women, and quite a few children are
capable of sexually abusing eachother.  We are sexual animals, despite all
our delusions of civility and culture, we can, and do abuse eachother all
the time, and deny that we did it.  "I'm not a rapist!" ~Every rapist ever.
Men, women, and even children.  The natural reaction is to believe them,
because it's an uncomfortable subject, and people don't like to talk about
sex, much less abusive sex.  We just fantasize about it.  All of us.  Yes,
every adult, and quite a lot of the children.  But you don't want to talk
about it when we see eachother, and I wholeheartedly agree with you.  So,

I'm going to send this, and chat with you so you can save it for later.

   Love, and eternally yours, Declan.]

   ;

   {You guys don't mind if I skip past the couple months of sexual tension,
(And boring therapy) right?  Sorry it took so long.  I uh, had some things,
to work out.  Hope it was worth the wait,
:}

   Kelly (fM...)

   God, after months, 2 wonderful months of cyberomance, and buildup!  I
was just ready for it to finally be over, but the plane ride, had to be the
longest couple hours of my life.  It wasn't, that far, but, I couldn't just
spend the whole flight locked up in the lavatory, bringing myself to the
edge over and over for him.

   Like I wanted, I tried to sleep, but I was too excited.  Then I
pretended to sleep, and played with myself under the thin blanked.  My
whole self, all over my body, between my legs, and the guy next to me on
the plane.  Well, I suppose he got a good show.  Went to the lavatory, with
a stiffy to take care of it, but.

   "Huh!" I tried, other guys.  Dating, none of them was able to make me
feel the way I do just thinking about Declan.  I don't love them, and they
all pale in comparison.  I never thought, I'd fall in love with a guy like
that, but he is my life.  My whole life now is just passing the time to be
with him.  Almost there, dear god can I just be there all ready, to kiss
him, and smell him?  That's all I want, I have no idea what he smells like,
and that drives me mad!

   "Uh!" I slapped his hand off my leg, "Hands to yourself, dickhead!"
Well, that helped.  Turn me off, can't a girl get all sexy for her man
without some guy taking it as an invitation.  "Think you can find another
seat?  Yeah, might be a good idea, before I have to go ask one of the
crew."

   Fuck off, go fuck yourself.  "Um," I raised my hand, "Can I get a drink?
Yeah, another ginger-ale.  Thanks." Someone else, I can afford it, even if
it's, like $6.00 for half a can.  I'm just thirsty, and it's as much for
water, so might as well get the soda.

   "Huh!" So nice, not having to watch my weight.  And growing, almost
normally, to think all those years I wasted my life, ruining my metabolism,
for what?  To fail at gymnastics?  To look like, this?

   He loves it.  Watching me become a "Young lady, right before my eyes."

   "Hihn!" B cups now.  I don't know if that's enough, or I want.  More? 
Bigger, I don't know, I'm not used to them moving around so much.  And
sagging, I need a bra now, for more than just keeping them from pushing out
my top, so any guy can see them, but now, they're getting in the way,
impossible to hide, and so hot, and swollen, with love.

   I don't want them, looking like that.  Just him, just for him, I hope he
likes the new underwear, I got just for him.  They feel sexy, on my
breasts, and in my hands, my fingers feeling the rough lacey, "Hhuh!" Look
really good too.  Hold them up, and together, so I have cleavage.  I have
cleavage now.  So, they sweat together now, instead of it just running down
my tummy, and god that's sensitive now.

   "Here you are, miss."

   "Thank god!" My mouth is so dry, but too much ice so all I get is a
couple gulps, but I suck on an ice cube, and scrape the corners off with my
teeth.

   He's got a great smile.  No missing teeth, isn't 40 about when you start
losing them?  Maybe, no gray hairs, neither, and he can get it up.  Keep it
up, or put it down, and get it up again.  And down, and up and down again
over and over for hours.  Most guys can't do that, hold it back, to last
for hours.

   "Uh!" Hours!

   And toys.  He doesn't have to keep it up, but that's another thing most
guys probably won't do.  I guess it threatens their dicks, honestly, that's
what it's about "I don't need toys, I got all you need right here." But I
have to wonder what it's like.  Him inside me, knowing it's him, and seeing
him, feeling him, and smelling his sweat.  Tasting it, and kissing him.

   "Hhhuh!" Maybe the lavatory is empty, but too late.  Just look out the
window, starting to sink lower, through the clouds so we can see the city
below.  Going bye too slow, it doesn't seem like hundreds of miles an hour,
but slow motion, just dragging it out but faster, and faster as we get
lower, and it's almost terrifying me with excitement when the runway comes
up, the wheels bump, and the engines roar so loud outside it vibrates the
whole cabin.

   Finally, I'm here, and not waiting for it to come to a complete stop.  I
grab my bag, anyway, and hold it in the aisle seat, until they finally let
me run right up to the door, anxious to just be off the plane and see him.
I dropped my bag, and ran, as soon as I saw him.  Just like the movies, I
had wondered what makes someone do that, I still don't know, I just could
wait to feel him, there, and smell his shirt.  "Snh!" I was crying, I was
so happy just to smell him, and I can get my arms all the way around him.

   But I'll remember this, his smell, right out in the middle of the
concourse forever.

   Declan (Mf Cons)

   "Uh," well?  At least she looks, closer to 14 now?  It truly was a
pleasure, watching her grow, right in front of me.  Not really like,
adolescence.  I would say, she just put on weight, but for the first time.
Had to buy bigger bras, and talking about how she squandered her potential.
To be tiny, enough to do all that gymnastic stuff, but still.

   She's a teenager, and I'm almost 40.  It was just a hug.  Right?  Don't
look at me like that, I know she looks young, but she's going to college
this year.  This fall, in a month, she just looks a lot younger, and yeah,
I like it.  But I love her, all of her, including how she looks.

   It just doesn't look that way to everyone else.  I didn't want to let
go, right away.  She's right, to finally have her in my arms, right here
with me, in real life, but I had to stop.  "Huh!" Went and picked up her
bag.  Back on it's wheels, I towed it, and asked her.  "Any checked
baggage?"

   "No, just the essentials, for like a week." She winked, and giggled. 
Then squeeled, her hands bent back so she was practically clapping her
wrists together in front of her face.

   Nice top.  I looked around, still out in public, so I'd rather not have
to explain to anyone why I'm looking at a cute little teenager like that,
right out in the airport, but if anything, they looked at her.

   And I can't blame them.

   She's attractive, it's natural.  "Yeah," but she's coming home with me.
Bet that guy's trying to imagine her naked.

   No, I like that top, and skirt, really shows off her legs.  Gymnast
legs, but putting on weight just blended in, and smoothed over her taut
muscularity.  Just watching her walk, she definitely swung the skirt side
to side, so her purse bounced next to her with her hips.  She turned,
looked back, and grinned, up at me.  "Try to keep up."

   "Here," I handed her the handle, "It's your stuff anyway." And she's in
much better shape than I.  We can work on that.

   That's what I love, the pretty little packaging aside, she knows me. 
Actually took the time to get to know me, and she loves that.  It just
doesn't hurt, that she's real nice to look at.

   Okay, cuckhold?  "Yeah." There's the fantasy I like.  I like to watch,
her especially, but with another man?  I didn't want to say it, for some
reason, but she could have gotten men, to watch her fuck, on her webcam,
but she didn't.

   She saved herself, for me.

   Not that I wanted that.  Nor is she like a virgin in any physical sense,
we'd made love hundreds of times, and she scrubbed that out before ever
even contacting me, but she wants me.  First, last, and always.  But, not
alone.  We can still do that, it's not cheating if it's in the rules.  And
yeah, I even know a guy she might like, or two.

   We can talk about it later, but right now is about us.  Take her free
hand as soon as we're out in the parking lot.

   "You know, looking around like that makes you look like a rapist?"

   "Huh?"

   "It's all right, I like it, but you're not creepy for looking at me. 
The way you look around, like it's something wrong is what people twig to."

   "Oh," right, "Okay." Blink.  Actually makes sense, we'd never been out
in public together before, but I guess I was acting a little creepy.

   "Relax, breathe.  Huh!" Right up under my chin.  "Kiss me?"

   "All right," I wanted to, but I was nervous, and paranoid, and feeling
kind of creepy about it, but.  "How was that?"

   "Okay?" She shrugged, "So where's your car?"

   "Over here," I think.  Look at one of the pillars, right color on top,
but did I come up, or down to the entrance?  I took the stairs, up, so
"Down this way." I think.

   "Huh!  I don't know about your sexual tension level, but I'm justabout
to pop, so.  Hh, you think we could.  Maybe do it before we go?"

   "Hh, I thought you wanted it to be special." I frowned, "A quicky in the
back seat on a parking deck isn't what I imagined."

   "Hh!" She rubbed her arms, "Well, maybe not all the way, but.  I really
need to get off.  Now."

   "Okay," I unlocked the car, "I can tell you're really distressed."

   She likes it.  Not talking dirty, talking nerdy.  I'm actually nerdier
now from talking to her after decades of trying to hold it in, and I unlock
the car, remotely.

   "What can I do?"

   "Just watch me." She lay back, and just put her legs up.  Her knee on
the back of my seat, and pushed her panties in, with her fingers.  "Huh! 
The flight was maddening!"

   "Yeah?"

   "Yeah, huh!" She squirmed.  So flushed, I could see it on her legs. 
"Don't you want to touch me?"

   "Yeah," I looked around, "But."

   "Huh!  It's okay, if you want to watch, but can you smell it?" I leaned
down, to the top of the door frame.  "Snh?  Mh!  Yeah."

   "Pull my panties up." I looked around first, I'd see anyone coming, but
managed to feel under her, back to the waist, and pull it out.  Up her
legs, she took over to slip them down around her Converse hightops.

   This doesn't drive me nuts, but she's a lot more exhibitionistic, where
as I'm more of a voyeur, she knows that.  The thrill of getting caught
isn't so much a thrill for me.  That would be embarassing, and while it's
perfectly innocent, I certainly don't want to talk to anyone, like
Security, while she explains that to them.  Because she'd have to, I'd be
completely mute, but I can always just shut the door, and wander out, to
Tank while she straightens up her underwear.  That's it, and quite a ways
either way, I hear a car coming, but i can just step aside.  Hold the door,
and block her legs hanging out.  They turn, and disappear, so I look back,
feel down, and touch her leg..  It's impossible for me to talk, in that
kind of situation, I just want to run away, screaming.

   "Huh!" There.  Didn't even get hard.  Save it, the blood pressure, I
don't need the stress, but I'm good at it.  I have stressed, my entire
life, so now I use it as a coping mechanism.

   But what they would catch us doing is watching her satisfy herself, and
with them gone, I can step back out.  To see her, "Hahn!" One hand over the
other, rubbing her fingers in hard, but mostly covering up.  Hot sexy smell
just blowing out if i lean over, and "Snh," it.  For me, to watch, out of
love, and sheer teenaged impassioned horniness.  She watched my eyes, my
face, I really can appreciate her beauty.  There's nothing shameful in it,
I should be proud.  She loves me, Her.  See?  Her, she loves me.

   How did I ever get so lucky, what could I have done to deserve the heart
of a woman like that?  Don't ask me, but.

   "Hhihn!" She just sighs, and her fingers stop.

   I'd seen it, many times before.  One of her quiet ones.

   "HhHhHhH!"

   Another slow, deep breath, she just relaxed.  It's a relief, she needed
this.

   And she was right, it was special.  I helped her pull her panties up,
and kissed her when she stood, out of the car.

   "ShhhnnH!" Felt up her skirt, hips, and chest.  She just turned, and
slid sideways, over the trunk.  Didn't bend back, but I definitely got hard
again, so I let her go, and closed the door.

   Kelly (fm Drug...)

   "Hihinh!" I went around, out back, skipped, planted my foot, and bent
down to kick over, and land, facing the other way.  Like a round-off, only
without getting my hands dirty, or pounding them down into the hard gritty
concrete with a black rubber line sunk in between the slabs.

   "Huh!" Got a good look at it.

   I feel better!  To be with him, but I had no idea.  "Thanks," I got in,
hugged his arm, and kissed his shoulder.  "Huh!  I just needed the
headchange."

   "I understand." He nodded, "Uh, I rolled a joint, if you want to smoke
it on the way." Speaking of which?  Didn't talk about it online, but I
managed to communicate that i don't smoke, cigarettes.  He doesn, but I
didn't even smell any on him yet, and that's okay, I don't mind.  his
lungs, but after that, I really just want to mellow out for the long ride.

   "Yeah," I couldn't bring any on the plane.

   "Thought it might take the edge off."

   "I was just too close."

   "Yeah," he understands, "I could see that."

   He handed me the lighter, so I lit it, got a good half drag, puffed, and
took another one before i passed.  To the left, as it happens, in the
shotgun seat.  Looked out, late night, not much traffic even on the way out
of the airport.  Just hold it down between lights, he did, passed it under
the dash...

   "Are you all right?" He kind of frowned.

   "I can wait," he shrugged, "Huh!  I'm just relieved to have you here,
after all that expectation.  Huh!  I feel like I've gotten to know you, so
much better in the last Idunno.  Say 20 minutes than the last month."

   "Yeah," The creepy factor.  Well, I had to be with him, out in public to
see it, but yeah.  He's right, he creeps people out.  Not me, I love him,
but.  It's true, nobody else would see it like that.  "Huh!  Talk nerdy to
me?" The orgone's starting to wear off.  Good a word for it as any,
Mesmer's the standard by which you judge a quack, but it's a good word.  I
like it, "Hihihn!  Orgone." He knows what I mean by that.

   "Well, I was thinking..."

   "Ooh," he's good at that!  "Uh huh!" He just talked about colleges,
who's got the best nutrition programme, sports medicine, cheerleaders. 
That's not like competition, it's not like I just tuned him out, but it
helps me think about my future.  When I don't want to, I just want to think
about our present, for eachother.

   "Well, I'm probably going to do the prereqs @ State." Good chearleading
programe, I don't have to starve myself to join, and it's more of a team
effort.  The chearleading team, or squad they call it, but, it's not like
competing.  Yeah, they compete, but not at like, the NCAA level.  Not
really competitive for that title, last year anyway.

   Family fund, grandparents, aunts, and uncles pitched in, but it's not
like a scholarship, I don't have to compete to stay in.

   "Mhm?"

   And it helps me think.  Listening to him, talk.  I don't know how, but
it makes me smarter, or feel smarter.  I'm not stupid, but nobody else ever
even thought about my mind, and he's been working on his a lot longer. 
He's a nerd, and I love it, but he was always a nerd.  I could talk your
ear off about gymnastics, fitness, and healthy eating, but that's about it.


   He reads about everything, whatever he finds interesting, and I tried
it. It's fascinating, I'm really getting into just surfing, whatever.  Not
even sticking to a subject, but following the links, from say bike design,
to endurance training, to nutrition, then electrolytes, the chemistry under
all that metabolisim, adrenaline, and "You think maybe I could be a
doctor?"

   "You're certainly smart enough." Hin!  "We'll see if you can get into
pre-med, but."

   "Whh," I blinked.  "What was that, stuff we just smoked?"

   "White widow." What were we talking about?  "I've got a friend."

   "Wow, it's really, Really good stuff!"

   "Yeah, I like it too." He hugged me.

   Declan (fM Phil)

   "So," I just pulled her bag up the steps, and unlocked the door.  "What
do you want to do first?"

   "Besides suck you off?" She didn't even whisper, but we're alone, on the
porch.  I'm home, yeah, not inside yet, but get the keys out, don't drop
them.  "Hihihn!"

   "What?" I just shook my head, and the key in the slot.

   "You're really cute when you're embarrassed."

   "Yeah?"

   She nodded, "Adorable."

   "Hah yeah." I got it open, anyway, and just stood the bag up beside the
door.

   "On the couch." She pulled the keys out, and held them up for me. 
"Now."

   "Okay."

   She likes this, hell I love it.  "Get it out, I want to see it." Don't
really have to think about what to do.  As long as she's doing it to me.

   Pulling out her blouse, to the button on the bottom.  "Mh, good and hard
for me?  Yeah.  Pull your pants off."

   I kicked my shoes off first.

   "Hh, yeah!" She got down, and felt up my lap.  My legs.  "Shnnnn!  Huh!
Sn?" She rubbed under her nose.  "Hihihn!  NchH!" How she sneezes.

   "Soap?" I washed real good, for her.

   "QWL!" She nodded.

   "Oh!  Huh?" I nodded too.  Closed my eyes.  "Slow.  Huh!  Go slow." Make
it last.

   I'm not a total virgin.  I had sex, a few times, it was awkward, and
embarrassing, but.  She doesn't have, any idea what she's doing.  And
that's fine.  I mean, I never really cared about the virgin thing, but,
that just means we can take our time.

   I don't want a quickie, either.  To be perfectly honest, I want it to be
special.  Our first few times.  Well, time together, in person, but like it
was online.  I'm caught up for days, barring any emergencies, I have the
time to take with her.

   No rush, but.  She likes it.  I don't know what girls get out of it.  Or
gay guys, if I ever thought about it, sucking dick, but.

   "Luhhng!" She swallowed, and let it slide, sideways along her cheek. 
"Huh!" Swapped it over with her thumbs, and a finger, and just wiped it,
across her face.  "HhHhuhuh?" She nodded, smiled to herself, and opened her
eyes.  Looked up at me.

   "Yeah, that's great."

   "Smq.  Swq, PobopbB!"

   "Huh!" She's learning.  "Yeah, but not too fast.  Huh, huhHhH!" Yeah,
slow down.

   "Pb Pb Pb Pb?"

   "HuhH!  Yeah."

   Even gotten head before, but that time was to rushed.  Too much of a
hurry, and it wasn't Her.  Kelly, god I love her so much, and this feels
too good, "Oh, Kelly!" To end.  "No, don't.  Stop."

   "Spook!" She licked her lips, then wiped them on her bare arm.

   "HhihH!  HhuhH!  Uh, huh!"

   "So close?"

   I nodded.

   "Good," she went down, and sucked it right out of me.

   "Uh!  UoohhH AuuuhH!" Fuck!

   It was special.  The first time, my first time with her.  It never, in
30 years, felt like that before.

   "Huh, huh, huh, huh, uhHN!" I just nodded.

   "KWLGuhn?" She nodded, and panted with me.

   Kelly (fM...)

   "Nguh!" It's cum.  I swallowed it, and it was kinda nice, tasting it
straight from the source, but what I felt was triumph.  "Huh!" I did that.
I sucked him off, and he moaned so loud, even after I was done.  Not to
mention the warm tasty splashes on the roof of my mouth, my tongue, right
up my throat, and rubbing out another spurt swallowing that first gulp of
his loveseed.

   "Yeah." I want his babies.  Now.  I don't know, we can talk about it
later, but now, I just lay back, up on the couch, and feel.

   "Huh!"

   Every bit as good as I imagined.  He smells better, didn't get to taste
much with the soap residue clinging in my mouth.

   "You want a beer, or something?"

   "Oh god, yes!"

   "Here," he poured me one from the fridge, and I blinked.

   Gosh, it's bright in here.  "Hihihn!" And I'm stoned, and I'm finally
here to be with him, he fixed his pants up, but "I want to see you naked."

   "Well, actually I was going to go out for a cigarette."

   I wrinkled my nose, but looked around while he went out, on the patio.

   "Hm!"

   It's kind of weird, seeing it from here.  Inside the living room, but
not as through the fourth wall, and on a tiny screen.

   Like him, he's big, but it's just weirdly, surprising, when I reach
around him with my arms, or get up close enough for him to look down.  I'm
small, probably not going to grow any bigger, but he looked almost tiny by
comparison, on the screen.

   "Hnyaha!" Must be even worse for him.  Well, I probably looked even
smaller, but, "Huh!" No, he's the perfect size.  His doctor says he should
lose weight, for his health, but I guess I'll give up some of that.  To
have him, longer, but.

   "Huh!" I love his size.

   No not that, I haven't tried that yet, but we take our time.  It's what
we do.

   He's so soft, and warm, I feel like he could never hurt me, and cuddly.
Yeah, I don't know what he's thinking about next, but I hope it's got lots
of cuddling.

   Oral sex, huh.  Okay, I've had lots of that, and honestly I love it. 
It's like cock worship, if you want to do a porn search.  What do I get out
of it?  That, dick.  I got to see it, and taste, some of it, and smell it,
and feel it all over my face.

   Size?

   Enough.

   Doesn't take much, he's not scary huge, and I like that.  I need to get
him clean, and rinsed off, then really sweaty again before I do that again.
Next time, "You want a shower?" I don't want to wash a drop of this off. 
Smell my hair, dear god I'm stinking of sex!  "Hehnhah!"

   "Yeah." He gets quiet, when he gets off.  I don't like it.

   "You're still a little too soapy, so just rinse off your privates.  And
get your ass, real good?"

   "Oh yeah?"

   "Yeah, I so want to kiss your ass." Soon.  But not if it's too soapy.

   "Well, I want you to fuck me next."

   "Well, then better go get that shower then, huh?"

   "Yeah." He put it out.  I could smell it, but he's headded right for the
shower, anyway.

   "Swing that sweet ass over here on the way by.  Myrh!" Slap, and grab.
Lots of ass, plenty of ass.  What do I need a woman for, when I have a man,
with curves?

   He's not going to hunk up.  He's never going to be a hunk, it's too
late. He's a fat nerd, never got enough exercise, ate like a nerd.  For
convenience, which means junk-food, and it shakes and jiggles deliciously
when he walks.  I just want to lick every inch of that surface, but I know
where I want to start.

   The sweat between his folds, especially the roll beneath his belly when
he lay back, and it released all that sweat.  The curls flattened and stuck
in there, the taste, and the way they pulled out straight, lapping sideways
along that crack?

   "Yeah!" Now imagine his ass!  Shivering now, I can't wait for him to
come out, naked, dripping, soft from under the spray of that 2 headded
shower.

   Oh yeah, I saw it on video, but he's got an amazing big shower.  Like
half the bathroom, but with 2 shower heads, in 1 corner, and probably room
for 3-4 people in there.  I just don't want to wash this off yet, I'm good
and dirty, and I want to get even dirtier before I wash it all off.  With
him to lather me up, scrub me down, and rinse me in there, then towel me
off for bed.

   Then he can fuck me, but.  "Ooh!" He turned the water off, so I got up,
and walked down the hall to his bedroom.

   It's his turn next.

   Declan (fM Anal Ling Toys...)

   "HMLH!  Huh!" Don't ask me what anyone gets out of giving a blowjob, but
this?  I tried to think about her, kissing my ass, hell she'd been talking
about it for months, and I don't even know what I get out of it.

   But, "Oh!" It sure feels good.  For one, it's non-descriptive.  We
talking about a peck on the cheek, or, sticking her tongue, in my asshole.
"HohH!" Fuck!

   "Huh!  Yeah!  Lunh!"

   But she loves it, and I love it.  Sure, I've been doing anal for years,
but mostly for edging, to turn myself back off, when I'm too aroused to any
other way.  Lately, I've been enjoying it in it's own right, but this, is
incredible.  Not just arousing, but pleasurable in such a gentle way, it
demands my full attention, just to feel all of it.  Even having just gotten
off, to the best blowjob imaginable, I felt a little twitch inside.  I
puckered, and a drop milked out of my prostate.

   When she hadn't even gotten close to my prostate yet.  Just licking my
anus.  "Huh!  Yes!"

   I don't care why she loves it, so much.  As long as she's willing to
keep doing that.

   "Huhl, luh!  Lhn, LuH!" Faster, and faster, like she expects to lick me
off to an orgasm, but.

   "Nh!  Hiuh?" I pucker, sucking in again, and feel yet another drop, milk
out into my rapidly hardening cock.  "Huh!  Fuck!" Normally, it turns me
off, and I just got off, what, minutes ago?  Tens of minutes, low tens, it
couldn't have been the better part of an hour, but, "NGH!" I pinched it
off, like piss.  My asshole pulling tight, and I feel the drops slowly
milking down, inside.

   "Nh, suck it.  Nh, lick my dick real quick, huh!"

   It fell off.  Rolled out, and dropped before she pulled it back, and
"SLPbBH!" It swelled, and shrank back in the relatively cool air. 
"Huhit'sokay," She held it up, "I caught it." Wiped it on my lips, and let
me lick it with the tip of my tongue.  Then the greasy patch on my lips. 
Essence of cum, not diluted with sperm, or any of those sweet juices, just
the oily thin clear drops of a healthy prostate.

   My prostate is healthy as fuck.  I exercise it, don't let it rot like
homophobes.  It's not gay, it's an asshole.  Just clean it out good first,
and rinse it, thoroughly.  Got it, soap taste is a turnoff.

   My cheeks stuck together, or slipped around on hers, and it dribbled
down my ballsack, to soak into the hairs.  And my dick dried off,
practically tapping out the beat of my pulse on my hanging belly.  Ask me
why she likes me so fat?  Hell if I know, but I love her for it, and so
many other things.  I just never thought anyone, even her, would eat out an
ass, and love it so much.  Much less my ass, I'm less surprised that it
feels so good.

   And it feels, so, fucking, good!  Better than the blowjob, and if I had
forgotten to mention, the best blowjob by far of my entire life.  "Huh!" I
hope she can enjoy this for hours, because I sure can.

   Then, an interminable time later, she got out the lube, and a glove. 
She didn't like the taste of mine, but I hadn't thought of that.  Even
tasting it, but I guess she was done.  Licking it out.  By then I was just
holding my knees while she gently squeezed, and rubbed, and slapped my
asscheeks.  Not hard, it didn't hurt once, but the surprise made me gasp,
and spasm.  Her giggle into my bottom.

   "Ngh!" No pain, it didn't hurt at all.  And while I learned not to hurt
myself, with my fingers before.  `huH?" It never felt this good before.

   It's her, behind me, her body on my back, her legs wrapped around my
cheeks, and her arm between us.  "Uh?" Wiggling her fingertip, deeper
inside me.  Not her pinky, I feel fingers on either side of it, so not her
pointer either, but she rubs my hip, and feels over.  To hug, and grip, and
fondle my tummy.  No idea why, I can just marvel at her finger, feeling
inside of me, and curling up to.  "Nuh!" Twist, and feel, back and forth,
across the inside of my spine?

   "HUH!" I never felt that before.  "Ohhh!!" Even with a toy, I guess it's
kind of hard to with my arm back like that, but she's lower, she can turn
her hand back more so I feel her knuckles brush, roll down, and press hard
into my buttocks.

   "NGH!"

   She pulls out, and "NH!" Pops that knuckle through again.  "NIHN!" The
girliest sound I ever made, and I've never been this hard with something
inside me before, but it's her.

   Inside me, her finger fucking me.  "Ihnohhh!" Shake my head, "Don't
stop, noooooH!" Try to gasp, "Neah, fast, ngH?"

   I didn't even feel my prostate, until it twitched, and brushed against
her withdrawing finger.

   Trapped between my thighs, which went wet, and slick, instantly for me
to rub together.  "Ngh, Ngh!"

   She slowed down, stopped while I was still clenching spasticly, the
bulge around the base of her finger.  Inside, and opposite the first 2
knuckles, the other four pressed in to my buttocks, pushed hard out.

   "Nh nhnH Hin!" I caught my breath, still quivering, and shaking, but
stopped twitching so my asshole could relax.  "HhH!"

   She got up.  "Okay." I sat up too.  Stuck to the covers.  "I want to try
it."

   "Mhm?" She shook her head.  Naked, standing in front of me, not a
picture, but actually looking down from the side of the bed.

   "I want to kiss your ass." Just to see.  What it's all about, I got
curious, okay?

   "Okay!" she hopped on the bed, just turned, jumped, but planted, and
caught her legs.  Giggled, and spread them.

   Right, ex-gymnast.  So glad she put on weight, and really glad, "And eat
your pussy." She grew it out, so they curl out the sizes instead of
trimming them back, but I always wanted to eat her pussy.

   I tried her ass, looked up.  Shrugged, she loves it, I don't have to
like it.  To swing down, every once in a while an swab her juices over it,
but I'm glad she didn't wash, or wipe, or anything.  Hadn't even urinated,
and had kept herself turned on, constantly for hours.  Hours, and hours. 
Only the third time I got to do this, and ladies.  I will happily go down
on any one of you, any time, just for the pleasure.  No strings attached,
don't even have to tell me your name, but you can't have me.

   I'm taken.

   "Oh!" another lap down, and it's not, that bad.  It's just like, not as
good as the real thing.  Right in front of me, red, and ripe, and wet, and
"SLRHPH!"

   "Hahn!"

   Tasty.

   She wants me to lick her ass?  I'll lick her ass every once in a while.

   "MlwnwnwmNH!"

   "Ngh!" She snorted, almost a scoff.

   "Slth!"

   Underdeveloped.  I, even her doctors don't know if she's going to
develop any more.  Just gain weight, to fill out her body on her compact
skeleton.

   "Hihnihn!" She giggled into my mouth.  "You do that like a girl!"

   "Lnhm?"

   "Hah!"

   Yeah, she can put on weight, and I love how her big labia fattened, from
the flat folds she had before, but she has more hood than clit, and it's
impossible to find in there.  So, I just suck what I can out.  "SupHq!"

   "Hahn!" Constant fast intense pressure to get her off.  If I want to get
her off.  I wanted her to cream, and as much as she learned to do it more
reliably, I guess it was a bit much to hope for our first time, but if she
does, I want my mouth on it.

   "MWH!" Suck it out, "SPH!"

   "No, that's like a guy." I tongued it out.

   "You like it?"

   "Better up top, but lick it out some more."

   Okay, so I swirled it in to press the pointed tip in deeper, as far as
it's go.  "Mhm"

   "Yeah!" Finally her fingers on my head, in my hair, brushing back
through them and into the scalp.  Actually scratching a little on the way
out, then.  "Yeah," Her tummy dropped, then trampolines, "SNH!" She licked
and sucked her fingers.

   Of the oil in my hair.  Might have even gotten some dander, she gulped,
and sighed.  "Yeah."

   "Now get the bottom.  My," she grinned, "Anus."

   Talking nerdy.  It sounds so clinical, for something she passes gas,
and. "Huh!" Just don't think about shit.  Right, "Uhn heah!" Then back up
to her clit-hood.  Swirl it around a couple times to get it straight, and
pout, "B," Then suck it in, "SBUPb!" To snap back and glisten.

   "Huh!  I learned from girls."

   "Uh huh?  Bisexuals?"

   "Well, one was gay, then." My already hot face felt like a blush a
moment.  "Huh, I kind of got, well known."

   "For cunnilingus?" She blinked, long, slow, and nodded sensually.

   "And fingerbangs." My fingertip slipped back out before it went all the
way in, and I licked the dew off real quick before I turned my hand over,
and rested it on her.  "Perineum."

   "Oh!" I slicked my fingertips, up, and down, then licked up after them.
"Slhyv, word got out, so for a couple years in college." I looked up,
"Well, I got it pretty steady for a while there."

   "Oral sex." She nodded.

   "Yeah, it's `not sex'." I laughed, "Mostly straight coed virgins.  But I
did pretty good in college."

   "Submissive." She straightened, "Nuh!" Closed her eyes, and squirmed her
shoulders, then hips to scoot back down that inch, or 2.  My second
fingertip, just gently worked the longest around, and I bevel back my nails
for me.  For my anus.  "Inh?" I slipped them back out.

   "Huh!  This is sex for me.  Yeah, and fuckin's, for.  Making babies, but
this.  Cunnilingus.  SMQ!" I felt down, "If you rather I fingered your ass,
for this."

   "Nh hihn!" She blinked, nodded, "Yeah, go'head." Closed her eyes, but I
slicked my fingertips around, like a tongue I guess, but I tasted that
lube.

   She's right, put Tastier Lube on the list.  "Why haven't I heard about
this before?"

   "Well, I wanted to surprise you." I kissed her pubes, and dug my nose
around in there to take a long slow silent breath of her in.  "Hm." Kissed
her, and.

   "Imp?" She twitched, clamped on my fingers, halfway into her anus.  So,
that's where the muscle pushed back to.  This, I know how to do.  I like
it, because I'm proud of it, how well I can finger an anus.  Even without
the prostate to work with.

   "nH?"

   It bounces back out, and clenches reflexively.  So, "What the hell," I
licked it again, and pressed my lips over it to dig by tongue in deeper. 
"MWLWLWL!" Tried to fuck it in enough times to abandon that project, and
felt the puckering spasms in time to her breathless gasps.

   "Ohhhh!" She managed a moan, but finally, I like that.

   "Oh." Blink, "LWMH!" It's the feedback, I like the look of her vulva,
clit hood, and vagina.  This is somehow deeper, a closer connection to her.

   "HHhhHhH!" I felt that.  And her muscle, but not enough yet.  So, I felt
up her thighs.  Out the backs of her thighs, and like that, as if the fat
drained out of them from holding that position.  Her long tight, thick
cabley thighs, and dug my thumbs in to feel them back together

   No pillows, just the bed, and some rumpled blankets.  "Can I get you a
pillow?"

   "Uh!" She picked her head up.  "No, don't stop."

   So, I went back up, to flavortown.  No shit, yet, I don't know.  If. 
"Huh!" My hardon went down.  "SLTHERPH!" But this time I kept my fingertips
on it.  Like a pulse.

   "Hah!" Head lolled back again.  Just holding her legs out, I don't know
how long.  Shrug.

   "Lsp?"

   "Huh!"

   "LlLlLlLhlnhliltH!"

   "Nigh!" Her sphincter prolapsed back out, over my fingertip, but stopped
against the other 2.  Still pressed a little in, but I curled them, and
pushed, my middle finger, deeper.  My other two fingertips slipped in
together on the bottom, but just pressed the muscle deeper, and with it my
probing fingertip.  "NGHAU!"

   And moved my tongue to get my other hand up, to start working my other
fingertips in the top.  Faster, and harder than I can with my tongue, but I
can't even get my face in there, just hold her pubes down with my arm so
she can't buck.  Just let go, but my hands are back out, and out of the way
so she doesn't even hit them when she falls flat.

   "Uhn," she just turns, and curls up, Foetally, but clamping around her
fingers, rubbing hard, and fast with the tips.  "Nyeahah!" Grunting with
the effort.

   So, I went around, put my shoulder down, sideways, and turned my head to
feel her orgasm, on my tongue.

   Shit, none came out.  I think it might be the best way to experience a
female orgasm, if you can't have one.

   So, that's why I like it, anyway.
   ;