Note: This story was dynamically reformatted for online reading convenience.
 
 Trigger Warning: Misandry.  Sorry guys, the narrator doesn't like you very
much.  Also, Rape.

   The Book of Ruth {g-F Hebe Teen Saph}

   "Huh!" Heather.  I loved to watch her run.  Just around, and round the
track, the boys practicing football, her legs taking great swipes of the
faded orange foamy, stuff.  I'm not going to detail, every sad scene.  The
locker rooms, the sleepover when she took her shirt off, and turned around,
in her training bra.  Denial is a funny thing, and I don't know how to tell
it so it's not so, obvious.

   In hindsight.  It's not like the boys, "That's gay," or "Fag" that.  It
was years before I understood what those words ment, besides bad.  That's
when I knew, watching her run, again.  I'm not even sure which time,
afternoon, or lunch hour, I just remember her ponytail jumping, blowing
back from her speed some, shoulders swinging back and forth, her cute
little fists held up in front of her.  How old was I?

   She was about 14, I guess.  Very developed, if you get my meaning.  I
never had her for gym, she wasn't even in my school, but the high-school
next door.  Shared campus, no middle-school.  I was just about to start
growing, "any day now," and I really started paying attention to older
girls.  That's when I realized I didn't want to look like her.  I wanted
that, Her.  No idea what I wanted her for, but you know when that
commercial came on, for the new pony playland playset?  I don't know what I
mean, it was a very confusing time.

   Late 80s, I guess.  Gradeschool, and too many boys.  I actually envy
Gloria somewhat, not to the point of being completely defenseless, but I
could have done with a lot less of that.  I'm not a manhater, but I don't
guess I've ever seen a decent role-model there.  They don't have to be
loud, and violent, and disgusting.  They just really like to.  Uhah! 
Ironically, that's why the girls were never my friend.  I was the
Lego-nerd. Lincoln Logs too, but then I found I could go out, and make
them.

   So, I was always filthy, and carrying some kind of something.  I had my
own fort, or I built a bunch of them, but the boys kept chasing me out, and
taking it.  So, I was way back there, beyond the trails, I got to see
wildlife, because I didn't kill it, and start a fire to cook it's flesh. 
Or kidnap it, and lock it in a cage.  So anyway, that's how I met Shelly.
Watching Heather run, she came and sat next to me, on the bleachers.  She
didn't say anything, but I felt her hand, on mine.  And she sighed.  That's
when I realized how she ment it.  And by extension, so did I.

   Now, I wasn't molested, let me get that right out there, but she wasn't
a student, she was a teacher.  's assistant, and she wasn't my teacher's
assistant.  What are the odds that the 2 lesbians in a 30,000 population
town are in the same generation?  Well, it wasn't about sex, she taught me,
and I loved her, but we didn't have sex.  Don't look at me like that, I
know woman can be predatory, and if one were, what kind career she'd seek.
Don't think I haven't thought about it, but I've seen exploitation, and
this wasn't it.

   But she was, affectionate with me.  We hugged, and held hands.  Now I'm
not sure how to feel about your handjob therapy.  But, Nh!  It was over a
year before she kissed me.  Showed me how to kiss.  I learned to, you know,
by myself.  Picked up the scattered advice from girls around me, as I
walked bye, but figured it out.  I was a scrawney kid, I know, right?  When
it hit it hit big, and I guess it was kind of like being pregnant.

   You know what got me?  I was sitting in the workshop with Gloria, and it
was Tuna Surprise.  Huhah!  I was like "Is that tuna?" Didn't even wait for
her to hear me, snagged it off the plate.  It was a thursday.  I wound up
cramped, and puking acid anyway, so for now it's back to just vegetarian.

   So Shelly, she convinced me to find a girl, closer to my own age.  I was
in high-school, and she never became a teacher.  Crashed out of college by
then, and wasn't even working at my school.  She broke my heart when she
told me I was "Just too young." and always would be.  Snh!  Unfortunately,
that was it.  Believe me I checked, if there was an old grandmother dyke I
would have found her and dug her out from under all those cats.  Then uh,
she kissed me goodbye.  It was beautiful, almost as beautiful as I
imagined, then she was gone.

   I had brothers, and sisters.  Little sisters, it was a farm.  I helped
out, I was bigger than most of the boys, and pigs don't slop themselves. 
There were Amish down the road, I had to go into town for school, in the
county seat.  I didn't even seem odd, round there.  I wasn't the only one,
but the others pushed me away.  "Ew!" called me names.  Then even after the
secret came out, no one came forward, stood with me.  I guess that's why I
can't never, on account of rejection.  It can be pretty violent rejection,
even girls, I found that out.

   My family didn't understand.  My brothers said they knew it, and teased
me about getting a girlfriend, we couldn't move to another school.  Then
came the straight-girls, or bi-curious.  Mail order days, mainstream tools,
and porn.  Fortunately girls are popular, right?  I went out and bought
one, cute little vibrator, about this long from the "Bookstore" down the
road from the truck-stop for my birthday.  And I ran, a lot.  Didn't really
think about Heather, but I had to sometimes, and the rest of the time, it
was quicker.

   There was this one girl, in church.  Catholic, we practically had to go
into the City to find a mass, so we did the whole thing, over the weekend.
Got the room at the hotel.  Same room, we were there every week, saturday
night, drove back sunday.  I know she was molested, by her father, she told
me about it.

   You know, I don't remember how we met?  Or found each other, we met in
sunday school, but how we started, playing with each-other.  We even
skipped church, ran off to play in the field next door, they didn't have a
school, or a shelter, or a convent there.  Just kissed, and held hands, and
started going through all the motions.  I guess it was like straight
breeding up to that point, only 2 sets of dresses.

   She came by the hotel, when she found out where we were staying, and um,
stopped skipping church.  That didn't fly very long, with either family,
but mine were in denial.  I don't know what replaced me in the small-town
grapevine, I never really payed attention to it, but after a few years it
had died down to "At least she's not a faggot." The other boys still chased
me, the other girls avoided me, my brothers kept asking me when I'd get a
girlfriend.

   Tracy was more of a city girl.  Suburban, but had been in the city,
lived there.  Privileged but for all the family secrets, least of all her.
Oh, I remember!  She was crying, and when I asked her about it she told me,
and she kissed me when she stopped crying.

   Weird, why would I repress that?  God, that's a wonderful memory, so why
didn't I get to keep it?  Huh!  We just kissed, and then later we got
together, skipped off for the potluck, and then we went out to the meadow
the next sunday.  All sunday, we weren't doing anything when they came
looking for us, I made her a little bench, there was some limbs down.  God,
she was great.  She listened, she really liked to listen, but I could see
it in her eyes, feeling what I was talking about feeling, and when she told
me about.

   Her father, used to come in her room at night.  He stopped, she started
growing up, but it fucked up her mind.  I don't think she was gay, she
turned into this total slut after we broke up, but until then.  I don't
fucking know.  I did it, I broke her heart, and made her out to be the
wrong one, and buried everything about her because I'm like that.  But I'm
not like that, I just, didn't know what I was doing.  And I was angry, the
long distance relationship wasn't working for me, and we started fighting
as much as we played with each other, and it all started because she came
by the hotel, and we had sex.

   They threw out an old matress, and it was filthy, so I was on the
bottom. There was this fence around it, but we could get in.  The light
shoned through the slats, and left these yellow stripes over everything in
the corner.  It stank like garbage, what a place to have your first time?
Well, we got each-other off.  First we had to figure out how, she showed me
how she liked to.  2 fingers, like this.  Yeah, like that.  Very clitoral.

   But back there I got to see her naked, feel her all over, be with her. I
remember her face, I watched it almost the whole time.  She was pretty, but
got real evocative when I gave her pleasure.  I just liked to watch that,
and feel her, getting off.  I didn't stop, and drag the bed over to the
light, but I thought about it.

   She felt me, and I admit I was in better shape back then.  These weren't
so huge, I didn't have any of this, and these didn't stick together.  I
loved my body then, she was a little better developed, 15, we both were. 
Nice hips, and a skinny little waist.  Hip-bones, and a cute little puff of
hair.  She wasn't a virgin, her father, broke her with his fingers.  She
said he stopped after that.

   God I loved her, but I chased her away.  Huh!  Then I went straight for
a while, in college.  I was the dorm toystore.  Like avon, or tupperwear,
the only girl to consult with your ladyspaces' needs.  We molested
eachother, willingly.  A lot of giggling, and playfully slapping arms.  I
tried to develop feeling about some of them, but it never lasted.

   And, huh!  I quit running.  Bookwormed out, studied, snuck into the
labs, or workshops whenever I could, I loved that truck.  Mertyl, I don't
know why I named her after aunt Mertyl.  Right, hand-me-down, Jimmy Jr. 
had it first.  Beater, kept her running, no hope for restoration.  Finally
snapped her back, high-centered over an outcrop.

   I drank, and I drove, then I sobered up.  Never made it to alcoholic,
plenty of family history though, so I partied more than long enough to
realize I was a social lush, and quit that shit.  I even got raped at a
party once, passed out, repressed that for years, it already came out in
therapy.  Over a year after that I killed Mertyl, and admitted I had a
problem.  Didn't get any degree...

   So, I wound up in a church basement.  Damned near the streets already,
no income, you ever tried sleeping in a pickup?  Don't.  I guess I got born
again, and decided since That lifestyle wasn't working out.  I found St. 
Ignatius, and they took me in.  I convinced us that was all behind me, and
I'd be a good girl from now on.  Then all, that happened.

   {\Gloria}

   Group {TF...  NS}

   "So," having got all that out, "You pre, or post-op?" I wipe my eyes,
but catch her throat tightening.

   "Non-op," the look of distaste on her face, "You didn't read my book?"

   Shrug, "I got the gist, but I'm not finished yet." Saw the pictures, not
real sure how to feel about that.  I rub my arms protectively.  "Huh!  You
mind skipping a couple chapters doc?" She shakes her head, "What about
sexually?  I mean, how does that even work?" Cute boy, in the pictures.

   "I can't speak for anyone else, but I avoided the whole issue." I can
understand that, "I'm asexual, for me it's not about that, but Gender, and
Self Image."

   "You seem pretty," What's the word, Manipulative?  "Confident." Part of
the job, I'm sure.

   "I'm satisfied.  With myself.  You know the #1 cause of death for gender
disphorics?"

   "Suicide?" Lucky guess.

   "We don't always find a self image we can accept.  I can't really
explain what it's like to live in the wrong body."

   "I can empathize."

   "I'm sure you can, dear." She has one of those faces, "But your identity
is defined.  You're a lesbian, there are socially acceptable outlets for
that." None of them worked out all that great for me, but I guess.  "We
live in the uncanny valley," she held up her fingers, as if pulling taffy,
or noodles.  "People are male, or female, so both tend to see those
extremes.  Men may go as far as a Power-Assertive Serial Rapist, while
women tend to hyperfeminise into."

   She likes to let people finish her sentences.  "Submissive." It's not
about sex, it's about control.  I read some, pamphlets, and such. 
Volunteered with RAINN, and Take Back the Night.  Awareness is practically
the only weapon we have.

   "Hm," she looked down, and nodded.  I covered my mouth.  "So you're a
Butch."

   "By default," I shrug, "Problem is, I don't know how to talk to girls,
about that.  Sure, we can get together for Pride, and joke about how great
it is to be gay, but when it comes to actually, I never could make a move
on them."

   "You hesitate."

   "Forever, and I worry.  About rejection, I was always the one," pull my
head back to 3 chins, and wave, "In the back." She giggles, but it ain't
funny.

   "Sex isn't a good measure of self worth, either."

   "I know, doc, and I didn't even care about that.  I was asexual too, for
a while, but then my libido kicked in, and all that," I waved "Happened
with Charley."

   "You trusted him."

   "No," I felt so violated, "I uh!" Started crying, and she hugged my
shoulders.  She soothed me, and I really just needed a friend right then.
Not a lover, not a shrink, just someone to understand, and be there.  "I
guess it was nice having him around," when I was so lonely, "And he could
be, uH!  Charming when he had to be."

   "What did,"

   "I went and did something dumb." Stupid Ruth.  "He cooked for me, and I
never thought that junkyard contraption would work, but I thought if I got
him inside, in a safe place he might, get his life back together."

   "What did he do?"

   "I don't know, I was impressed, all right?  That little stove of his had
downdraft convection, with a heat exchanger wrapped around it, and I don't
know what's wrong with me."

   "And you had sex with him." I nodded, and sobbed.

   "One of the girls left, from the orphanage.  The School used to pay for
that, but the Father had to let them go, and didn't take in any more, on
account of tithes being down, so he helped me haul the bunks up to the
loft, and after we caught our breath, he, kissed me."

   "Unprotected sex?"

   "Yeah, uh." Damned denial, "You think I should test for STDs, or."
Something?  I don't want to think about, anything even worse than Suicide.

   "And you're having a crisis of faith." It's like she read my mind.

   "And Gloria?" God, I just felt so lonely!

   So anyway, she had to close up the meeting, so I went and broke up the
kids.  Larry wanted to eat him right up.

   "So," I reached in, and slapped off the lights, Maud let the door swing
back, and locked up.  "You guys want to follow us?  I'll give 'Bert a
ride."

   "Where we going?" Larry looked tired, and confused.  I turned on the
radio.

   [Elvis Costello - Imagination is a Powerful Deceiver.] Iadafackkin
remember what it was, keep with me.

   "Maud thought the Convent wasn't really a good place," for either of us.
Can't say as I dissagree, in retrospect.  "So, she's got this big empty
house in the heights, no family" a Trust, "And she says we can stay up
there until I find us a place."

   "Oh," she yawns.

   "Now, I don't know why she brought that 'Burt kid, but," I'm sure she
knows best.  I hope she knows what she's doing.

   "I like him, he's pretty."

   Yeah, "And don't he know it?" Shake my head, "You know not all bad men
look like Charleypants."

   "Mhm?" Damn this hill, want to drop it in 4xlow, and take a shortcut
with all these switchbacks.  Nope, lost her.  Huh!  Chaperone, not much to
do tomorrow anyway.  Glad she's wearing pants now, out here, putting her
foot up in group to imitate him.  Okay, yeah, she needs a masculine image,
but does he have to be that masculine?  Short little runt, though.

   .

   .

   .

   "So," having got all that out, "You mind skipping a few chapters, doc?"
I wiped my eyes, sipped a couple fingers of Jamesons, on the rocks, and she
sat next to me.  Within full view of the bedroom door, stairs, and down the
kitchen to the bathroom door.  "I know you're 'an open book,' but I'd
rather hear it from you, unless you made an audio version?" I'd met
transexuals before, but never one so fascinating.  Hell, she was prettier
than me, and if nothing else I'd love to learn some of her secrets.  I'll
call it Gaydar with a little overlap.  Transciever, I guess, she looked so
relieved when I said I didn't want to be her patient.  What I really wanted
was to find out more, then decide what I want.  "Cliff Notes?"

   She'd gotten up, "You mind if I put on some music?" That Bert kid snores
like a sawzall choking on a waxed rope.

   "You've got a lot of Elvis Costello," I saw.

   "All of it," she pulled out a checkered case.  "Where to start?" The
beginning, I guessed, she set the remote on the arm of the sofa.

   [My Aim is True: Original vinyl pressing.  Not signed, but still.  A
Collector.]

   "Now that your picture's in the paper being rhythmic'ly admired;"

   .

   No Dancing {FT NS.}

   "Wait," I looked over, right.  I know the album, had it in vynil at some
point, but it'd been a couple decades since I'd just sat down, and listened
to it.

   "Sorry, Cisgender means comfortable in one's birth sex, as straight is
for gay.  It's just to differentiate."

   "I got it," Information overload.  "You smoke?" I'd seen her do it. 
Long minty chalky little straws, about as much flavor as dye in them. 
Better'n nothing.  "So you're..."

   "Asexual?" She nodded.

   "So you don't,"

   "Huh!" she cut me off, "I haven't even thought about sex in, about 6
years.  I mean yes professionally, it's what I do, but I can't physically
have sex, and get more out of it than heartbreak..." She stopped pacing in
her stocking feet, lifted the back of her hand to her head, and sighed.

   "All right," I shook my head, "Correct me if I'm wrong, but you've been
pretty damned flirty a couple times tonight," not to mention since we met.

   "I'm sorry," she interrupted, "I know, I.  I haven't felt attraction,
real sexual attraction in so long either, or always think about it.  Huh,
but ever since you brought Gloria in."

   "Larry,"

   "Not yet," doctor came back on for a moment, "Larry is who she's going
to become, she already talks about him in future tense."

   "Well I gave her that name," that first morning, the Saturday when he
started helping me out around the grounds.

   "That's the first thing I saw," she nodded, "The way you looked at, and
protected her.  Then you looked up at me."

   "Yeah," I remember!

   "What did you see?"

   "Huh, at first it was the way you looked at me," I got up, "Awe fuck!"
grabbed the patio door, "Larry!"

   She ran in Maud's room.  Wow, a little bit messy, never would've
guessed. "What're you doing up there?"

   "I just wanted to see." She looked scared, so I calmed down.

   "All right," I sat on the end of the bed, "What did you see?"

   "He's circumcised," she giggled.

   "Uh!"

   "And big." Her eyes bulged, excited.  "I want to be big like that.  I
mean, maybe not that big, but big!" Big eyed grin.

   "Gloria!" Uh!  She sat on the dresser, or ass leaned on it.  "Now
Gloria, I understand you aren't aware about these thing yet, but you should
never take advantage of someone when they're unconscious.  It's borderline
abusive, and a relative stranger could be damaged by something you didn't
know about."

   ?  I looked up.

   She nodded, "His sMother, molested him in his sleep."

   "Ew."

   "Yeah.  You're lucky he didn't have a flashback, but Gloria.  Dear, Ask
before you do anything, sexual at all.  Don't assume,"

   "It makes an ass,"

   "Gloria!" She looked down.  "This is serious.  We don't ever want to do
anything abusive, or dangerous, that's how victims are made, and the worst
way we can do this is by not thinking about it first.  So ask, always. 
Informed consent, I don't want you to develop any abusive behaviors from
your molestation."

   "Yes, Dr.  Maud." she nodded down onto her chest.

   "Wow," She had some butts left in that ashtray, hopefully enough for a
decent amount of nicotine.  But she handled that way better than I ever
would have.  And it made me feel nice, about her.  I can't raise Glory into
Larry on my own.  Well, maybe I could, but she could really help.  Why do
relationships have to be so complicated?

   "Huh!" she rolled her eyes, and took her smoke back from me.  Right,
already had her lipstick on it.

   "So," I thought, "What're we?"

   "We'll figure that out," she chewed her lip, "Do you mind?  I need to
think."

   "Uh!" don't slam it.  Try not to stomp up the stairs.  "Hey," you little
perv.

   "Fuck!" he sat up, "I didn't do anything.  I mean nothing, I didn't
move, just pretended to be asleep, all right?"

   "Don't gimme that," I wanted to spank him, but saw he put his jeans on,
and curled up, sideways on the bed.  "Where you crying?" My head stopped,
turned clean around, and released the P-brake.  "Uh," I rubbed my eyes. 
"I'm sorry." The way he acted in group, he came off as a players, but now I
saw he was a victim too.  And I just barged in here like his mother... 
"Uh, I just lost my temper."

   "It's okay, huh.  You don't want Gloria to get hurt, neither do I." I
looked, and saw it to be true.  "Well I sure ain't sleeping tonight," he
pulled the covers back.  "You smoke?"

   I didn't bring any, "I quit."

   "Well I'm gonna roll a joint, if you want some." I followed him
downstairs, and out back.

   "Here, gimme that." I took the papers, and showed him.  And another
paper for the buts, I doubt she ever finishes one.  "You're not a bad kid,
Burt," I figured, and got out my lighter.

   "You wanna roll me one of them?" He took a drag.  I pinched the black
out of some more butts to field-strip.

   Maud {TF Saph.}

   "Hm," her breath was sweet.  About that, I set her drink off to the
side, and settled in her lap.  I'm boney, she didn't seem uncomfortable. 
Recovering asexual, it's not about physical attraction, and that may take a
while, if ever.  I love her.  I love anyone, given no reason not to, but it
can grow to more.  I can try to analyse it, again, and fail, again. 
Intuition is generally more reliable, in these situations.

   About 5.7...  on the Kinsey Scale.  Gender, probably a couple pips back
from G.  E?  Somewhere between E, and F.  FE/male, Big capital F bold, and
underlined.  An in your face FEMinist, I can't imagine her Afraid.  No,
doubt is her MO.  Self doubt, and denial.  No real treatment for that aside
from letting her talk it out, explain it to someone, and Understanding. 
Patience.

   She felt me, good with her hands.  I'm a more oral person, but her mouth
wasn't busy, all the time.  She had a warm neck, with her hair cropped
short of it.  'Dykeyer', her term.  Not the Emobangs Larry settled on, but
we're talking about a girl with an Engineer's (Locomotive) cap.

   Butch.  Large, strong, rough, dirty.  Not filthy, but lived in, scuffed,
and dented.  Warts, and all, scarred.  The barbie doll, that's your first
impression.  After that, you have to have some flaws, blemishes, scars,
curves, and issues to stay interesting.  Without that, you're left with
just a stylized hunk of plastic.  Or, hand carved wood 'mated together with
pegs, slots, and biscuits,' whatever that means.  No face, nothing between
her legs, It could be anything.  "Oh," I ran one of her hands down to my
lap.

   Attraction, I don't know about.  She always drops names that are models,
or can pass for models.  Preferably gay.  Not Ellen, but anyone she dated,
or kissed.  I try, but never truly succeed living up to my self image.  But
I'm in there somewhere, either she can't conceal it, or she doesn't bother
to.  She can't flirt.  I made her try, just to confirm it, she's just not
capable of it.  I'm not sure she can learn.

   She lets out freudian slips, and usually covers her mouth as a tell. 
Thinks dirty thoughts, out loud, then feels shame for them.  Religious
conditioning, lived on a Convent for years.  "God, you're drenched!" She
laughed, deep, more a chuckle than giggle, and jiggled.

   That's just about enough Denial about that.  If I want it to come
between us, I have to risk it coming between us.  'Catholic girls give the
best hand-jobs.' ~Charley.

   "What?" she grinned back, against my lips.

   "It's been a while." Did the calculation before she asked.  "6 years."

   "Celibate?" She didn't have any problem with my skirt.

   "Asexual." I giggled, the inside of my thigh Is still ticklish!  "Not
even much more Romance since then." Much less arousal, or physical contact.
It's a difficult concept to explain sometimes.  I hoped these new pills
worked.

   "Well, the boiler still works." She rubbed up, and down with her
fingertips.  "You mind if I call it, cute?" Wry smile.

   "Not at all." I didn't finish my first puberty before I started my
second.

   Interesting analogy, heat, and pressure.  Familiar, remembered.  I'd had
a few morning woods, felt twinges since the med change, since we met.  I
had a feeling about her immediately, but chalked up to Gaydar.  Everything
I learned about her only reinforced it.  She had my blouse open, I'd
thought to dig out the one with a front clasp, which she had no trouble
with.

   "Heuh!" Like her usual unconscious grunt, only not cut short.  Was she
holding her breath?  Warm soft hands, a little clammy perhaps, but so was
I. Strong, calloused.  I closed my eyes, and buried my nose in her hair. 
Such a womanly smell, if she used shampoo, recently, it wasn't scented.

   "Hm!" Each hands, but she doesn't know how to handle, well my vestige.
It's handy for peeing with, but we're both turned off by it.  She was happy
to just rub it through my panties.

   "Ew," we jumped, and Larry said "Just Eww." from the hall.  We laughed,
and moved to the bedroom.

   Ruth {FT}

   !!  I don't even know how else to spell it.  I can't remember being this
excited before, and the way it happened.  No hurt, nor crying, she just
came in, to my arms, and kissed me.  Oh, and no implants, when I got to
check.  I'm a little curious, actually, having never felt them.  I can't
call them natural, neither, but I can always ask her about that later.

   I can't smell her.  Or him, just her perfume, and shampoo.

   I actually feared much larger.  In the fever dreams, not wanting to
think about it, and mentally assaulting myself in my sleep.  She won't hurt
me, I trust her, she's not a Guy.  But, there's always that, will always be
that to deal with, eventually.  And wouldn't you know it, she's zipping out
of the side of that skirt before she gets on the bed.  "Huh!" sigh, "Nice
underwear." Should have expected it, but I was surprised when she buttoned
up the bra again as she got up.

   "Thanks," she crawled, and layed back, I dropped my unbuttoned, and
zipped skirt.

   Underwear model, I don't remember seeing cheetah-print lace before,
ever, or that much of it.  Matching, but it certainly wasn't Fredrick's,
nor Victoria's.  Somewhere between that, they looked fantastic on her.  I
took a breath, and a glance at the front of her panties.  I didn't stare,
but noticed it looked weird.  From my limited experience, I expect a tube,
maybe some bend, even a kink in it, but not the tapered, or elongated cone
curled up beneath the fabric.  "Right." I bent down, plucked the rubber out
of the 5th pocket, and pulled it off my foot.

   I sat on the side, leaning over, and only then realized she hadn't worn
lipstick.  I'd seen her without her makeup on, grabbing coffee in the
morning, but never with everything except the lipstick.  I bit my lip,
until I kissed her.  Right, that doesn't actually work together.  They were
very dark, and plumper than the other minute, even.  "Hnm!" she sighed
against my mouth, then moaned into it.  Her bra, she's self-conscious.

   I didn't feel anything wrong, the first time, but it bothers me.  She
reached up, and undid it for me.  I rubbed her chest, between them, felt
the soft swells catch, and wrinkle on the sides of my hand.  Her heart. 
She smiled up at me, nodded, silently, and didn't move.  I took a deep
breath, and felt down her long taut midriff.  Not muscular, just stretched
between her ribs, and hips like a trampoline.  I brushed her navel, went
back to dredge my fingertip over it.  Not hard at all, or soft, just taut.

   "Hm!"

   I saw the problem.  Especially lying down, they're too far apart. 
Rolling aside, the nipples are too far on the sides, not far enough down
sitting up.  She has a broader chest, that she dressed around, of course.
They rolled, her hips coming up to slip the panties down, with her fingers.
Long thin hard graceful fingers, and.

   "Golly, it Is cute!" I petted it, brushed my fingertips down to the fur,
and felt the soft wrincles behind it.  Not like, not really, I felt how it
was, supposed to be, more like that.  And almost utterly failed.  I didn't
understand why she gave up surgery after that, but felt the scar. 
Intentionally fused to the bone, somehow.  I didn't look at the pictures,
or watch the videos.  Probably never can.  But this, it's, I can't stop
feeling it, or don't want to.  It's like the nicest weird I ever felt.

   And my nipple in her mouth is outrageous.  I never felt that stimulated
from so little before.  It could turn me on before, but goodness!  Goddess,
I'm going to have to work out the words for this.  "Ahuh god!" She held me,
around the middle, but then her hand slipped down, under my belly, and felt
around my waistband.  Under it, then spread out to brush through my curls,
and roll over the flesh to the trench.  Flooded, cracked a main, or
something, snapped the hot-water pipe.  I didn't even feel how soaked I was
with all the distraction.

   Guys aren't like this.  They pretty much want to rip it all off, dive
in, and pound away for a quick finish.  Short-stroke chimp fuck.  One thing
I like about women is we know how to take our time.  Build up to something
wonderful, thoroughly satisfy each-other.  It's not just "Uh!  Get out." 6
years, eh?

   She means not even mastrubating, nothing, didn't even really think about
it, except for work.  This wasn't work for her, this was for Her. 
Something I'm more than happy to share.  So yeah, you want to know why I'm
gay?  Because no man can give me this.

   "Ooh!" She has hips.  I like hips...

   Maud {TF Saph}

   "I do like to be fucked," she didn't explore that deep.  "Just for
future reference, I have gloves, dams, lube, toys..." Left over, from when
I used to use them.  Probably even pretty tight.

   She nodded, and didn't think about it.  She loved my body, and it loved
her hands, but.  She wasn't in love with that "Cute" little thing.  I'm not
a size queen, either we'd work past it, or we wouldn't.  I love her mouth,
so soft, and warm, and wet.  She stood up, when I started pushing down the
back of her underwear.  Granny panties, I suppose like a nun's.  Satin, or
some silky plastic fiber, but in this atrocious grey beige.  Not even a bow
in the front, plain underwear, like her.  She's practical, utility panties,
like she calls her Toys 'Tools.' Just more to love.

   Yes, stretch marks, but I like them, always have.  Like a body-print,
with an indecipherable pattern of her growth.  I don't expect human
understanding for my attractions.  There was nothing I didn't love about
her.  Her face, is angelic.  I can't think of a better word, framed by
dirty blond curls, almost ringlets, but out of control.  Ironic lack of
maintenance, so externally organized, and yet disorganized about herself.
Doesn't care how she looks, what people think about it, or crawling out of
denial.  Maybe some day she'd be completely confident, be able to see all
the beauty I see in her.

   She doesn't close her eyes, or touch my face.  I get up so she can lay
down, but all of a sudden the makeup bothers me.  I get on the foot of the
bed with her anyway, patience...

   I love her, not an image of her, but everything I learn just gets added
to the list.  Her smell, her other hair, I don't want to smear my face all
over her thighs, as much as do what would inevitably lead to that.  She's
shaved, her legs, but still a nice beard up front, or or top, in front of
her belly.  Not too much.  I wouldn't advise getting much heavier from
health concerns, but I feel like a hypocrite.  I need to quit smoking.

   Distractions, whatever, she's meaty, and spread wide with the weight of
her legs.  I rub my hand in deep, the warm hairy softness.  Up to the
crease of her abdomen, I have to lift my palm to slip my thumb under it. 
"Can you reach me a glove?" I nod to the recently re-stocked bedside, and
she twists over.  Her ample flesh rolls over her admittedly big bones.  She
does have a great personality, and a lot of character.  Not too much
bodyfat, though.  "Do you want to lose weight?" She set the bottle up on
the bedside.  Should we need it, I look down doubtful.  There was some dew
on a few of the curls.  "For health reasons, I don't know your body image
as well as you, but it's something to consider."

   She sighed through her nose, and nodded.  I massaged the air out between
my fingers, and the cup of my palm.  She felt up her chest, pinched her
nipples, and let them slip out, didn't appear to think about it.  "You want
to show me?" She glanced at the bedside "I'll have to get some larger
gloves for you, but I find it helps." She felt down, around her sides, then
between her thighs.  "Mhm?" Nod.  At least I don't have to get my hips in
there, or I shouldn't.  No need for the condom she brought, at the moment.
How long had she carried it in her pocket?  I gently brushed her hands out
of the way.

   "Yeah!" half sighed.

   So warm too, almost hot through the glove.  Boiling, steaming, but
patient.  She likes to get worked up, I believe.  From the way she
described her, feelings.  Doesn't really have the language for it, or the
words, I think I can read it.  And pheremones, might fog the windows in
cooler weather.  Hot, and muggy, and some building pressure.  "Would you
mind," I got beside her, and moved her hand to it.

   "Oh no," I love her hands, "I love it.  I don't know how to say it,
without sounding incredibly offensive, so I won't try, but I like it."
Soft, and strong.  Not rushed at all, though.  "And this," she rubbed past
it, "Mh," she bit her lip.  "I don't even know what I love so much about
it. She pinched my folds between her middle fingers, and rubbed back, and
forth.  "It's weird, but I love it.  I love you," she rubbed my hair on my
face, and I couldn't keep my eyes open.  "You know?"

   "Mh?" I looked at her, "I know, hinh!  I knew, when you said you didn't
want to be my patient.  I love you too."

   "Good," she laughed, "That's good to hear.  nH!" She sighed, and I felt
inside her.  Just one finger, but tight isn't a word I'd use to describe
her.  She's a big girl, I beg your pardon, a Big Beautiful Woman, and she
likes big toys.  I hoped we wouldn't need them.  Or maybe we wouldn't, I
wouldn't have to.  I don't like, being inside someone else.  It just feels
wrong, it always has.

   Feeling inside, yes.  She felt wonderful inside, closed her eyes, but I
couldn't take my eyes off her face.  I certainly could understand that,
when she mentioned noticing that, behind the Motel.  Nobody is more
beautiful than this.  Even sleeping, it doesn't compare to the natural
flush of blood in her cheeks, lips, across her neck, shoulders, and chest.
The swelling against my fingers, the pearl hidden in her oyster.  "Hm!" Her
cute little grunt of pleasure, and the breath flaring out her nostrils. 
Her lips feeling mine, and parting, the taste of her teeth.

   And I like a little challenge.  Not competitive, but if you tell me you
can't get off from clitoral stimulation, I just have to test that.  Oh
really?  Well, we'll see, now won't we?

   She responds to it, and I have been with lesbians before.  They come in
all shapes, and sizes, that's what's wonderful about women.  We all have
our own personal beauty, and every one a puzzle to unravel.  "Uh!" 2
fingers, I could probably work in more, but I don't need to.  She humps
reflexively, and grunts cutely again, so I slip in deeper, and press my
fingers into her damp lips.  "Nhyh!" My thumb runs circles around her
hard-in, the rubbery tip slipping on her wet folds, and engorged pearl. 
"Neah!"

   "Oh!" I'm feeling a little pressure there, again, so I pick up the
condom, and try to remember this part by feel.  It's lose, and clingy, I
have to roll it back, and pull it tight.  "hnH!" It's sensitive, the tiny
atrophied tip exposed to the fake feeling material.  I have to pinch and
roll out the hood inside it, a little too intense, and distracting, but
there's room.

   I wonder if I can.  I get emotional release, feel it flooding in as the
wave of sexual tension crashes down, and washes over us, but it's possible
that I've neutered myself some with the hormones.  Patience, this too, we
shall see...

   Both hands now, I bring my fingertips down, careful of the bare nails,
so I can wiggle the cramp out of my thumb, and feel as deep inside as I
can. Should be right around, here.  The spongey mass, "Nuh!" Her belly
wobbles, so I pull back a couple milimeter, and I scrape the latex layer
over the tips of my nails.  "Nyeah!  Uh, keep, Ahn!" I tickle her to
Graffenberg spasms, and switch to deep hard thrusts with my fingers. 
"NhHnnnnnnhH!"

   Then she gets her cervical orgasm, I can't feel that deep, but the
aftershocks rippling down around my fingers to leak wetly down my nuckles'
coating.  That's two, I hold in, press it, and quickly twitch my fingertips
to bring her to possibly her first clitoral orgasm.  It takes a little
while...

   ...  "Uh?" Her eyes go wide, "Ah?" She sighs, and twitches against the
ball of my thumb.  I think the GO stopped by then, but she was still
pulsing cervically.  She just pants, but I have to stop, and try
frantically to pull myself off.  "No, uh!" she pulls at my hip, "Come
inside me, I want to feel you inside me!"

   I try it, but I can't keep it up.  My butt starts cramping, I get too
hot, and sweaty, tired, and out of breath.  She catches her breath, and I
pull it off for the trashcan.  "It's okay," not about sex, "It might take a
few more weeks to recover from the hormones." The ED prescription should be
at full effect by now, though.  I washed my face, and then got dressed to
go out, and smoke.

   She came out, kissed me, and made a face.  "You really think you could
help me lose a little weight?" I put it out, and felt her.

   Right out front, "If you like." I turned, and nodded out across the
yard. "You see that trail?" She nodded back, "It's about 6 miles up to the
mountains.  There's a bike in the garage, point it uphill, climb until
you're tired, then coast back home."

   "Does that work?" I took her hand, and rubbed it up the front of my
gown.

   "Diet and excercize," I nodded.  "What?"

   "Jesus abs," she giggled.  "~Gloria." And covered her mouth.

   I laughed, "I know," He told me.

   "You're pretty," she finally touched my bare face.  Even without my face
on, I could see it in her eyes, before she closed them, and kissed me.

   I looked away, "Thanks."

   Ruth {FT Pseu Saph}

   Great day in the morning but she knew her way around a ladyspace!  At
first she just felt around, almost like a gyno exam, but then she got the
lights on, lit the pilot, got everything running, and cranked one out.  I
rubbed her tight tummy, and gasped for breath.  "What do you do?" I felt
around her navel.

   "Diet, and excercize," she did up her bra, and shrugged.  "Yoga, Pilates
when I get the chance, why do you want to lose weight?  It's all right,
dear, I love you just the way you are.  It's your self image though, so you
should ask yourself how you feel about it?"

   I grunted, and twitched again.  Just a spasm, not a cramp, and sighed.
"I don't like it, but I guess I got lazy, and let myself go."

   "Depression."

   "All right, doc."

   "Yes, I am a doctor as well, do you want my help, or not?"

   I got in the shower, "Yeah," turned on the water, "I could stand to lose
a few pounds." Not her though, or "Hir." Ryhmes with queer, and you know
this just may be the queerest thing I ever done?  It felt weird, and you
know you been with men before, Ruth.  Don't lie to yourself, but this
wasn't like that neither.  She's so, Her?  So lovely, not beautiful by any
natural standards, but I can see the beauty she found in herself, and how
she puts that out, where everyone can see it, and 'huh!' If she can show me
how to do that it'd be stupid to give up that opportunity.

   Ruth {F Solo Bike NS}

   "Huh huh huh!" This is a bitch, but it beats Ally McBeal reruns on
Netflix.  At least try to think about it, or process.  I'm forced to at
some point, run out of headspace before I run out of hill.  Nice place, but
did it have to have a trail?

   Tried downhill, good plan!  Until I have to get back with whatever I
bought.  On an impulse, there's a Home Depot down there.  Ever tried
carrying tools on a bike?  Don't.  She knows what she's talking about, it's
the exhausted coast back down that gets me.

   She's not a therapist, but she helps figure out the therapy you need,
never even thought about a Bike.  Diet, and Excercize apparently means
thinking about what I eat, where it comes from, and how I feel about it. 
Instead of just turning away in disgust, and overeating in compensation. 
Whatever that means.

   It's about self image, and sex.  That's not my fantasy, a model and a
BBW, It's 2 models.  Although, I don't delude myself into thinking there's
no damage that can't get undone.  Somewhere between the extremes on that
spectrum.  She loves me just the way I am.  He, I'm not completely certain
about, but I can accept him.

   Little dicky, like I'd ever say that out loud, or not giggle, and look
away, out here, alone, stomping on the pedals.  Part of the package, and
more than made up for.  It'd rather think about anal, than.  Backburner,
glide on it, so I don't have to haul on the handlebars, and balance, just
steer.

   "Ew!" We all got one, I'd rather not think about it.  How literally full
of shit people are, and made of meat.  "Huh, huh, huh!" Stand up, let the
frame lean over, and pull the bottle out of it's cage.  "Damn you, Magda'!"

   Yeah, I know.

   Drink some of it while the first is running down my neck, and soaking
into my shirt.  Pick it up, turn it around, sit down, and.

   .

   .

   .

   "Huh!" The life inside me.  Big fucking EW!  Not going to consult the
scriptures on this one, but think about him, or her as a Potential Victim.
That's why I ran out to the garage.  Never mind can I actually do this, the
time to decide is running out, and would I do that, even to someone I Hate?

   Me as a mother, that child, all the filthy meaty shit that goes into it,
what kind of mother would I be?  Post-partum Depression?  I didn't ask, it
doesn't sound all that fun.  Shaken baby, what if it's a Boy?  No, of
course I can't do that, but it's past the medication stage, which means
Surgical.  So, the question is can I really have them knock me out, carve
him out of me, and dump him in hell?

   Far past Sin.  As a concept, what does that mean?  I'm damned anyway, so
I better make it pretty damned good!

   Maud {TF Saph...}

   "Hahn!" Okay, maybe she hadn't met the right person.  Being able to
count on 1 hand your entire Sex history would tend to increase those odds,
and she never learned.  It's a clitorus, not a cock.  You have to woo her
out, use the friends she has around her to make her more comfortable, and
then get progressively more intimate.  Once she's hit her stride, good
steady stimulation will get her eventually.

   Laissez faire, no penetration, she found she quite liked the sensation.
And it's a lot less prep, cleanup.  "Hmh!" She rolls over, and I put an arm
down for her neck.  Her soft side to rest my other on, and her hair.  Her
breaths.

   "I need to," she sighed, took another breath, and held it.  "Terminate
it." I rubbed her side, and said nothing.  I kissed the back of her head.
"Huh, you're right.  It would be cruel, and I just want this over.  I know
now how you and Larry could be so uncomfortable in your own bodies, a
little.  I," she rubbed the back of my hand, and let that thought out her
nostrils.  "And it feels disgusting." I nodded into her hair.  And
swallowed my envy, I'd give everything, but her issues are more important
than mine right now.

   "And God?" They're still working out their personal relationship.

   She shrugged, "I haven't heard back from Him." Kind of tough with only
half a dialogue.  Just from the way she said "Him," sounded like she didn't
care too much for him any more.  I was raised atheist, and with the
exception of one exceedingly repressed child have never been thought
anything else.  But I'll let them work it out.

   Patience.

   Ruth {FT Femdom Bond}

   "Bondage?" Really?  "Well, I never..."

   "I know but," god she looked excited.  "Do you think you could, tie
someone up, safely?"

   "Oh!" that was a relief, "Why would you ever want to be tied up?"

   "I have to be in control, dear." got that, "For my job!  I don't like
it, but it's the best way to help people, especially the ones with control
issues," she thinks, but.

   "You can't talk about it."

   "Right, exactly.  I have to separate it, and when I lived here, alone I
could just work on it all night, but now that we're living together, and
becoming sexual again, I've been having trouble compartmentalizing, and..."

   "Have a seat," I took her hands.

   "Oh," she rubbed them back, "We don't have to get out the ropes, or
anything, here, let me show you." She got up, and led me to the garage. 
She was almost hyperventalating for a minute, and now she's calm again.

   "Take my hands again." She holds them up, against the wall, and closes
her eyes.  God, she's breathless!

   "Mh," she licks her lips, and I catch my breath, "Uh, how do I, I can't
use my hands." She had her heels off, so I had to bend down to kiss her,
but she looked up, and I saw her, so I kissed her.  Not Dr.  Santiago, or
momma/doc Maud, I don't know, maybe Magdalena?

   "I know!" Isn't it exciting?

   I shake my head, "I think I got some rope..."

   "Oh I have some, special.  Come on." She got off the wall, and walked
over to Goddess.  Had to put a lock on the tool drawer to keep that pervy
little boy outta there.  Don't brake nothing, honey, you got plenty of
time, Patience.  I got out my keys.

   "So you need it to think?"

   "No," she looked over my shoulder.  "I need to stop thinking." She
kissed my hair over the back of my neck.  "Umh," rubbed my sides, "The
double header?"

   Biggest thing in the store, I grabbed the gaskets, and the lube too.

   Around back, storm door for the cellar.  Holee shit, man.  She had a
dungeon?  I mean, a lot of old tools lying around, ancient fossilized bags
of portland cement.  "These your's?" Chisel set, wooden handles, and look
at that plane!  Straight, and pull handled draw-knives.  Nice cabinets!

   "My fathers'." She nodded, and unlocked the door in the back.

   "Huh," the Green Door.

   Maud {TF MC NS}

   "Okay," I caught my breath, "You can let go." She doesn't like all the
hardware, but she's strong enough.  "UH!  Huh, huh, huuuuuuuh...' 7 count
exhale, my heartrate dropped until I could no-longer feel it.  Still
spasming within, it could continue for several minutes.

   Her cock thumped to the floor behind her, and she turned back around. 
"I talked to Charley."

   "Huh," she nodded, "They caught him?"

   "Trying to hitch out, got a couple rides, Staters got him on
description. He's in custody."

   "Cuffs, cement walls, bars." Shadenfreude'.  "He's extremely
claustraphobic."

   "I know," picked up on that too.  "I think Larry's story might be a
pretty good book, but I can leave you out of it, if you wish.  As her
sexualizer, he's actually seminal in her mental development, though from
talking to her there were earlier signs."

   "She always was snips, and snails, and puppydog tails, but I didn't take
care of them, she was raised by the sisters.  After a few years, you forgot
they're there.  I wasn't, they disapproved of me spending too much time
around them.  Nothing predatory, they understand that, but not to set any
example.  You know Catholic Guilt?" The Look.

   "Passive Aggressive, most religions are likeat." Makin' fun of me doc?
Oh right, Nebraska, among other places.  Checking her privilege, again. 
She earned it.  I kissed her forehead.  Her skin.

   "I love you like this," Smelled her still damp hair.  Now, I'm not a
fragrance kinda girl, but she was like an artist with it.  She matched
scents, even to hir unique odor, when you brought it out.  "With your face
off." Rub her clean cheek, and jaw.  Brush my fingertips over her
cheekbones.  "Hmh," I closed my eyes, too.

   Armenian nose, I'magine it poking out the side of a quarter, or a
shekel, or whatever the fuck they got over there.  Looked it up, tail end
of the mediterranian, behind Turkey, fucking Syria is right there.  "God,"
you know, "It kind of reminds me of Freddy Mercury's?" Ran my findertips,
and the ball of my thumb down the sides.

   "Nose?"

   "You think you could order me a block of wax?" I nodded.  "I'll pay you
back, the Church is arranging some kind of severence package.  Kinda feels
like a bribe, passing the platter, breaking out the bake sale, huh
byegones. I mean it, that whole faith thing?  I'm so over it, man.  Sorry,
dear.  I call everyone man, you know that."

   "It's all right."

   "Speaking of which, how's your meds coming along?" I pinched it, soft
between my fingers and rolled the skin out until it slipped in.

   "Huh!  Uh," she rubbed my chest.  "I woke up with wood, the other week.
Had to wait for the swelling to go down to piss."

   She felt my stretch marks.  Okay, I like her perviness, and I think it
might even ruin it to understand, but she ran her fingertips through it,
and didn't quite scratch me with her nails.  Called it my 'Bark.' "Hm,"
might need a shower soon, starting to get gamey.

   Moreor Les {F Prof NS}

   BBW, in a relationship, it's complicated.  Shouldn't be a sexual
conflict, more details in person.  (Not my closet.) ISO: Unrealistic
expectation of beauty.  Glammour girl, tall, gorgeous, assertive.

   [IMG]

   Working off those self image pounds, likes bike riding, climbing,
camping, woodwork, and tell me when to stop.  More, or less, I'm more than
willing to compromise.  Recovering Catholic, Passive-Receptive, Butch.  I'm
sorry, but you'll have to come to me...

   [About]...

   [Likes]...
[Contact:]

   Ruth {FF Fant NS.}

   Okay, Bert warned me that nobody looks like their picture on the
internet.  What?  I had an E-mail, with like 3 years piled up in my inbox.
Almost a page, and a half!  I'm analog.

   Autumn Raby, I don't know what your personality is like, but please come
and take me away from all this.

   Kimberly looked, good!  Muscle, not like guy muscle, but nice tight
girly muscle.  Little stick bike, stringer, the top tube looked like
conduit.  I'd never keep up with her.  Nice bike, probably about half as
much as my Surley Longhall Trucker.  "I saw it in the window, and I just
couldn't resist!" ~C.  Burnette.  Green.

   Maybe we wouldn't have to bike that far.  [Likes]...

   .

   .

   "Hm!" BBW, right, that was in the Search fields, I bit my thumbnail.

   I know what I want, but right in front of me, where I can touch it,
smell, and taste it, feel around inside.  Not tease myself with pictures.
Yes, she can satisfy me, up to a point.  Beyond that, she's also very
understanding.

   But that's some tight spandex, and she loves the camera.  It loves her
back.  "Ooh!" Scroll scroll.  It spreads like a, butterfly.  "Yeah," or
just the upper wings.  Cute flat biceps popping out under the bar.  I've
never been to a gym, since highschool, "Failed it!"

   "uH!" Cover my smile.  Flex pose, toe pointed down to the mat like a
ballerina, long tight stripey leg to a Pop of butt, arm twisted gracefully
beside her.

   Unnaturally hard globe on her chest, bright shiney smile to pop out
those ((dimples) a little too much make-up.  "Smwip?" I swiveled out, got
up, and met her at the kitchen.

   Ruthless {TF Cuck NS.}

   "Healthier." There is no right answer for 'How do I look?' Or when there
is, it's different every time.  "Lykra!"

   "I know, right?" she twisted, and turned.  She 'tightened up,' the way
she says it, 'dialed in' closer to her ideal self image.  "Wish me luck!"
The stretchy material certainly helped out.  "Wish me luck?" My desire was
always to help her, and I was back on the medication.

   I waved, and she stepped up onto the pedals, but my throat felt too
tight.  "No," when she turned, and kicked herself off.  Reaching for her
leg swinging over the panniers.  But I let her go, turned back, and wiped
my eyes to see where she came from.  I know that I made her stronger.

   It was just a date, of course, but she was riding out to meet her,
camping out, spending the night.  Maybe some rock-climbing, there's a
creek! "Huh!" Roll my eyes, and press the back of my hand to my forehead
for good measure.

   o7

   Ruth {F Solo Bike...  FF Saph}

   "Okay," deep breath, "Haesonn." No idea what that's supposed to sound
like, but I like her whole name.  I wonder what the Korean closet is like?
Fitness mom, divorcee, visitation for her kids, and taxi for their athletic
appointments.  Jock family, probably a trophy room by the sound of it.

   Very VERY good shape.  I'm still pretty damned self-conscious, but my
pictures are up-to date, and she sounds interested.  Or reads that way,
I've never met, or talked to her.  Just read her profile, traded emails,
and chatted, all night.  "Hn, huh!" Breathe, Ruth.  You've got to get
there, first.

   Even exhausted, that much easier to fall into her arms, and drag me
behind a bush.  I giggled.  Beautiful day, hot, dry, hydrate.  Young
looking, and a bit sheltered.  Maud won't say, talked to her, well chatted,
I suspect marital rape in there, somewhere.  Insists she's all-gay, but
closeted.

   Apotheistic, 'I don't know, and I don't care,' but spiritual. 
Meditates, yoga, says she'll explain it in person.  Somewhere between
rushing into things, and pining away in a gothic tower.  Cute little
pointed arches, belfry, crows flapping, and squawking from the eaves.  Too
much expectation, when I ain't gettin no younger, and you can't see Her in
the picture.

   I'm not racist, at all, but I've never talked to an oriental woman
before.  Intimidating enough when she looks like that, so pretty, and
suburban.  At least high upper class, I just worry she's out of my league.
"Not if you don't sign up."

   Likes sports, mansports like Football, and Hockey.  Doesn't play them,
has a fantasy football team, I know, right?  Gambling addiction?  Maybe
some-day, and why am I thinking about how she will age before I know I'll
be around to see it.  Damned hill, can hardly think, and breathe,
backburner it for the coast.

   .

   .

   "Hah!" deep breath, ""Huhuhu uh?" Where was I, hydrate.

   Larry sure was shaping up.  I'm not running off with the gypsies, I can
keep watching him grow, but I feel like I'm starting to abuse Maud now. 
"Huh!" That's what coasts are for, she's got money I can't even fathom, and
she's done so much for me.  But she just makes me so mad, and then she
locks up, and it's so hard to bring her back out.

   "Huh," carry some momentum to the next hill, so higher cadence, down in
the bars, use that adrenaline.  Flopping all around down there, tuck my arm
up to adjust, and make the downshift.  "Huh," Carry over, "Huh!"" Steeper
than it looks.  There she is, Hae' waving me up from the top of the hill.
Pace yourself, Ruth, you got all day.

   She doesn't even get off work for hours.  I just need to get to her, and
this god damned hill is in the way!  Short, but steep, "Aand!" It gets
steeper.  Unclip before the wheel starts swinging, and make it to the top
before my heart rate drops to far.  Never bin this way before, mark that
hill, Hydrate.  "Ah, good one!"

   I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, smelled the wind in the pines
climbing back on.  "hN!" Took the Extracycle off, lightweight panniers, and
just overnight gear.  "Whew!" Need more brake on this one too.  What's
that, [Scott's Quarry Rd.] I think on the way bye.  Don't overbrake, more
rear.  It's lighter, and shorter back there than the cargo hauling frame.

   "Nhn!" Show up all battered and bruised, bandaid over my booboos.  Thin
lips, not a lipstick kinda gall, pretty smile, though.  Got the boobs for
him, kept them in the divorce.  Looked hard, like her, I don't know what it
is about hard girls, "One way to find out!" Ran out of flat straitaway,
that's boring anyway, and I was ready for another climb.  Fighting uphill
all day is great for working stuff out, but rolling hills are fun!

   I feel giddy, exited, hopeful.  Great high, once you learn to find it.
Emotional, but not a release, it's like a balloon blowing up inside you. 
It never pops until you run out of steam, and I was just getting started.
"n yuOR LEft."

   "Yeah?" I bent over the bars, "We'll see about that," I tucked into his
draft.

   .

   .

   .

   Mae' {FF Saph NS}

   "Like Maysonn?"

   "Mae' is fine." I nodded.  She leaned her bike on the other side of
tree, and put her arms up, to breathe.  I guessed, hairy.  I got up, and
walked around.  Downwind.

   "You mind?" I shook my head.  "Smwp!" She kissed me, awkwardly, until
she bit her lip.  Missed mine.  We talked about this, somebody had to make
the first move, and she decided she was the Butch.  She didn't have to lean
down very far.

   Nice breeze, but I didn't need it to carry her scent.  Fresh, it hadn't
gone stale yet.  No fragrance, just her.  I felt her hand, and pulled her
back to the bench.  "Any good campsites around here?" I can't take her
home, of course.

   "Should be," I thought.

   It's a bit overwhelming, and she covered the cliff-notes in her E-mail,
but she told me her story.  Looked me in the eyes, watched my face.  She's
lovely, the sun catches her hair, and the curls glitter when she shakes her
head, or one of them bounces free.  Scotch/Irish, I wondered if she had a
kilt?

   Muscle, and fat, not very homogynously distributed, great legs, though.
Natural chest.  "I like curves, if I wanted a big dumb block of muscle, I'd
still be with a man." She laughed.

   Charley.  So, at least she can understand where I was coming from.  If
anything her closet sounded worse, led her to experiences, which make her
her.  I kissed her, the first time, and held her shoulders.  Big.  And
beautiful, but definitely big.  And strong, and caring.  I could tell.  She
didn't cry.

   5 people, instead of all of the affairs I managed to sneak in.  "About
half, she says." Counting her doctor/partner/roomate/Confessor/whatever,
it's complicated.  If you aren't from some disadvantaged population, let me
just say that Baggage is par for the course.  "You ever tried Golf?  I
think you'd like it." From what she said.  She shook her head, and her damp
curl swung in the sun.  I live off of a course, so maybe later.  "Caught
your breath?" I got up, and went for the bikes.

   We just rode around.  It was nice, we didn't talk so much as say things
back, and forth.  "Campsite." Right?  She can show me, sure I'd been out,
as a girl, and it's pretty, but there's nothing out here.  Lots of rocks,
and sticks, maybe cold running water, if you're lucky.  Of course, this
bike won't carry much, that's not what it's designed for.

   She'd come so far, with all that gear, and I hoped she wasn't, too
tired.

   "What?" she grinned back.

   Mine's lots faster, though!  I picked up another gear, and pulled ahead.
Hard to tell in the small mirrors, but I think she watched my butt, pulling
back into my draft.  I think I saw some, around here.  Take the corner low,
show off.  Right by the picnic tables, a wooden sign, on the wrong side
with the post, but I remember the cute little tepee symbol.

   I looked back, and caught her taking the turn in.  A trail now, I had to
concentrate on the narrow tire, and keeping the same track in the back. 
Slower, too, the heels of my hands took a pounding through the foam tape.

   Ruth {FF IR SAPH...}

   "We're not out here to hide," I spread my hands, "I just like to get
away from distractions." I pulled the handle out of the side of the filter,
dipped the tube in the creek, and held the bottle between my knees.  "MH"
first one's always the hardest.  "It's simpler out here, without all," I
stopped to wave my hand, "That."

   She sat on a log.  Looked just like her picture.  Girly, but not
lipstick, and a jock.  Thank god for spandex.  With all you lumped on me,
that, and multiple orgasms starts to make up for, some of it.  I looked
down.  Did it hurt.  "There," I shook out the tubes, and carried them back
to the site.  "Can you grab some wood?" I didn't think it had rained,
recently.  "Just the stuff on top, lying around.  Here," I handed her the
filter, and liter.

   "Simpler?" She shrugged, and took them.

   "This is just nuts, and bolts," I grabbed a branch.  "People are
complicated." Shrugged.  I sat down, Indian(*) style to break off branches.

   (*I'm guessing asiatic, Fakir.)

   "So it's just the two of us," she hugged her arms, crossed her heel over
her foot, and sat down.  Didn't even make a noise, just floated down.

   "Grace." I shook my head, and laughed.  "Do that," I pumped my hand up,
and down.  She stood up, and sat down again.  "Hahah!"

   "Oh, I was a gymnast, cheerleader, pink closet?" I nodded.

   "My family isn't, that traditional, but still.  My grandmother." She
made a face.  Her face, The Look.  I laughed.  "I don't know any Korean. 
Maesonn." I closed my eyes, "That's how she said it." So, third generation.

   "Mhm?" Blink.  "You cold?  There's a jacket in the left pannier.  The
bike's left." She pulled out my rain jacket.  I just had to close my eyes,
already had every stitch memorized.  The bright orange panels, I never
really Looked at Orientals before.

   Moon shaped face, I don't know how else to describe it, sideways, half
lit by the low sun.  No sunset view, damn it.  Give it a couple hours. 
Kpop hair, whatever that means, pointed side-burns.  Shorter bangs, deep
curve of straight black hairs.

   I broke up some jerky.  "Want some?" I wiggled it in my fingers, held it
out.  "It's salmon." I got a dehydrator.  "Caught it this spring."

   "You killed it." she laughed, seriously.  IDKHETSI.

   "We're omnivores," she'd told me.  "We are.  You ever seen the inside of
a pig?  Well I have, we're omnivores." Sexy!  "Look, I'm sorry.  Yes,
thousands of salmon swim up," I pointed downstream, "That river in the
spring.  A lot of them get caught, and some of them survive to the next
generation.  It's not wrapped in plastic," Okay, I put it in a ziplock, she
wandered back for her bottle of Gatorade.  Second one, it wasn't that far
for her.

   Why do I always pick fights?  I hadn't unpacked yet, but the water
boiled, so I poured in some dehydrated veggies, and the crumbled bits of
jerky to season it.  "Ain't gonna pitch itself," I sighed, and dug in a
pretty grassy spot to make a bed.  Sorry, grass.  Thanks for loosening it
up with your roots.  Some of it would no-doubt recover, and there was more
of it over there.  And here I am stabbing mother nature with a Bowie knife.

   And what the fuck's with the gravelbeds, anyway?  That looks comfy! 
Sigh, and roll my eyes at the big RV.  Or in it's general direction, I made
sure we was out of sight, but didn't make earshot.  Close my eyes, I can
hear the brook, and her moving around.

   "What's this?" She stirs the hanging cup.  The fire looks fine, I don't
expect it to rain.

   "A surprise." Privacy, then.  I put in a deep trench for our hips.  Nice
hips, not too much, covering them up.  Done expect it to rain, my jacket
covering the rest.  Not a whole lot of shoulder, honestly she's petite,
with some muscle stretched over, and some boobs bolted one.  B(.)(.)Bs.  Or
B(.Y.)Bs, in that sports bra.  I love bike-riding.

   But she was here, for me, and the sun was fading.  No cloud to reflect
it, I went and broke more off the branch.  "Smells good." I poked it with
the chopsticks.  Starting to soften up.

   "Thanks." Reused, don't get much more bio-degradeable if I lose them.  I
dropped in a couple bricks of noodles, crumpled the MSGskusting flavor
packs up in the plastic, and set it on the rock.  Handed her the
chopsticks.

   "Mh," she poked, "It's pretty good!"

   "Surprise." I grabbed the tent/bedroll.  It said 2 man, we'd make do.

   Sticks, holes, big sail of material between them.  "Huh!" She ate.  What
good is strength if you don't use it.  Except do beautifulthings with it
like sit-down, and stand up.  "Hn!" Play that back real quick.

   Coast...

   Privilege.  That's what it was, and I can't check someone elses'.  It's
annoying, yeah I'm the defacto Butch, but that doesn't mean I have to do
everything.  Equality means everything, for everyone, which probably makes
it an unreasonable ideal.  I shrugged, pulled over the bedroll, and untied
it.  I hoped it was enough.

   She's too beautiful.  Not for me, in a self conscious kind of way, but
she's not, self conscious about it.  So I'm jealous, that's it.  Coveting
my neighbor's body, like Gloria did.  I can't even, begin to understand. 
What's it like to be so pretty?"

   "Hm?" I covered my mouth.  Sighed, got up, and turned around.  "I'm past
that denial, I'm not, god." In the firelight, looking over it, I sighed,
again, and came around.  "I heard, all right?  I'm ugly.  Some people see
past it, but you, god you're lovely."

   "You too!" She rubbed the side of her neck.  "No seriously, I alwys
thought so.  Beautiful, and you're big.  It's not popular, but it's still
beautiful." Now where did that come from.  "Especially in the light." She
reached out, stirred it, and dropped the stick.  I looked back, and it
caught.  I smiled, and kissed her.

   Not again, this was much more involved.  "Not so much tongue, she pulled
back, and wiped her nose.  "Here," she smiled.

   Like this.  God, her thighs!  Even at rest, just holding up her lap. 
"Mh!" I grunted in her mouth.  She sighed, and kissed my neck.

   It's all right, "Huh!" I don't really like kissing anyway.  She has
perfect teeth, I mean perfect teeth.  She just ate, no toothpaste, or
mouthwash, but I'm just not, a very oral person.  Okay?

   Tight thin fingers.  A little too short, but if you're just going to
pick nits all night, you'll never get off, honey.  "Oh!' They're not so
hard.  A little give to them, I expected them to be rubbery, but they're
not as soft, as I could tell.  I laughed.

   She kissed down the dropping zipper.  "Bikini?"

   I shrugged.  "They're multi-purpose." Matched set.  She laughed.

   "Well I know what I want to do with them," she smiled down, and played
with them.  Tit girl, which is just fine with me.

   I rubbed the back of her hair, and "Oh!" midriff.  Pull leather over
wood, and "Is there any bone in there?" I tickle her navel, and she
giggles. Bare, cute little outie.  Laugh again.  The zippers open on the
bottom, and she feels around, I shift uncomfortably.

   She kissed my belly.  Held it in both hands, and just pressed her lips
to it.  Didn't even make a sound, just looks up at me, and rubs my legs. 
"Uh," get up, and kick some ashes over the coals.  The wind shouldn't pick
any of that up.  "It's all set up."

   Mae' (FF Saph)

   Okay, I knew she's self-conscious, but 'getting over it.' Just not as
far along as I thought.  "3 kids," I crawled in after her, "I know.  Why I
got these," I shifted them up.  "After I lost all that weight." She sighed,
and held her hand out to me.

   A lot, she had different grunts, and sighs to interpret.  I hoped I
wouldn't have to learn another language, if this continued that far.  I was
starting to have doubts, but then she turned around, and made them up to
me. "I love your body," I felt her, "all of it." More to love, right?  But
she says she hates cliches.

   Ironically high maintenance, but emotional.  Can't control herself, and
she can look scary when she's angry.  Not that scary, but, "I'm pretty
co-dependent."

   "What's that mean?" she rubs my hands.

   My turn to sigh, "I get in these relationships, and it gets out of hand.
I don't know if I'm cut out for the long-term.  I've tried it so many
times, and someone always ruins it." I kissed her back.  "But this part's
the best." She understood.  "And you came all this way..." Guilty smile.

   That felt better.  Terrible kisser, though.  So, I don't have to keep
her, we can still enjoy each-other.  I reached back, pulled the tye on the
top, and had to admit, it was practical.  Like her.  Big mama nipples, I'm
glad she decided not to share pictures, until we could unwrap our presents.
I get the big one!  Wanting to clap, and giggle.

   And it had been a few weeks.  I don't want to think about her when I
have Her.  Hands on me, big strong rough, she didn't even wash them.  I
like bad girls, always did, punk rock, or metal chick, smokers until I got
into biking.  Shop girl, yeah.  I never had a shop-girl before.

   Watching her break up sticks, and just snap off jerky in her nails, I
noticed she just had half.  Her right hand down my shorts without anything
to hang on the seam of the padding.  Working up a good sweat.  Too bad it's
too crowded for a skinny dip, when we get all hot, and stinky.  Or I didn't
bring a suit, so I could just wear what I had on.

   "Shaved," she said to herself.  Friction, and uncomfortable pulling.  I
had some catching up to do, so I let her nipple go, and looked down to feel
under her.  Her waistband, elastic, she was a sweats kind of girl, and very
warm.  Trimmed short, it felt like.  Long enough to curl, but I pulled out
a hand, and smelt my fingers.  "What?"

   She laughed, "Perv!" And grinned.  Her fingers twitched, against me.  My
lips squished a little, and she pinched them.  Sideways, her hand still
flat on the bone above it, but she still wiggled them back and forth.

   Pop!  "hn!" I felt her hand, and tried not to cross my legs.  She was
good with her hands, she mentioned that.  "Here" I got up, bent over, on my
knees, "Help me out of these." I sat down, pulled my bra off, and kicked
out my legs to slide my shorts off.  She took off her sweatshirt, and
waited.

   Big arms.  Nice big fat strong arms.  Not too hard.  I know, I like
having a nice hard body, but I like curves, and she's got them.  Not a
straight line I'd seen on her, yet.  I pulled at her pantlegs.  Side ties,
"Hm!' Convenient.

   Shaved, just the lips, and her legs.  Great soft pillowy things, I
didn't have to fear running into bone.  Nice plush mound of neatly trimmed
fur on top I buried my face in.  Desert!  Not fresh, and I loved it. 
Leftover, a nice funky musk, and a little broth, starting to wet her lips.
I licked them, and felt her big strong hands in my hair.

   Then her little friend, or friends.  Not too meaty, but plenty to work
for.  I don't have to say why I'm gay, I have no doubt.  If I could bend
over that far I wouldn't have to be.  "Mmmmm!"

   "Hnhhh!" The longest sigh, so far.  Not quite a moan, but I can work on
that.  "What?" I smiled against her, but didn't answer.  With my mouthful,
I slurped her out, and felt around in there.  For her little pea,
semi-vegitarian, she didn't even smell vegan.  There's some B complex,
thing.  Diet and exercise.

   Subtle, starting to taste stronger, and stronger.  The heady flavor of
woman, in heat, gasping in through my nose, still buried in her pubic fat.
I love that, one of my favorite things about this kind of woman.  "Awm!"

   "You need, huh!  Uh some gloves?" Maybe a little passive agressive too.
She makes suggestions, drop hints.  I let her go to shake my head, then dug
her out with the tip of my tongue.  Didn't suggest lube, needessly.  I
slipped my fingertip out and wet it anyway.

   "Mh!" Very little in the way of nails, polished back as far as they can
go, and nothing to leach toxins into them.  Natural, but the bare minimum.
Not tight, at all, and a bit sensitive.  I was getting a lot more feedback
up here.

   The learning process, the best part!  I tried a little swirl with just
the tip.  "Mh, yeah!" she fingercombed my hair.  "Nh NH!" Girly sounds, I
giggled.  "Nhm hm hM!" She bucked a little, and my nuckles bumped soft and
damp.  I wiggled them a little.  "Nh, yeah!' she bucked harder.  Getting
good and worked up, I pulled out, licked my fingers, and went back in with
3.  I tried to reach around her thigh, but the unla decided nt to bend, so
I got up on my shoulder, and pulled my legs in from the dirt.  Alsmost
hanging out, I wanted to grab the sleeping bag from under her, but she was
getting so close, I think.

   I watched her face, up on some sort of bag, and licked my thumb.  "Nh HN
Yeah Auh!" I fucked her, quickly, and squished some of her juice out.  "Ah
yeah" she twisted away, and off my fingers, so I licked them.  Holding my
head again, she pushed me down, and twitch against my face.  I drank out of
her until I had to get some air.

   "Mmh!' I wiped my mouth, and crawled up to kiss her.  She felt down me,
and started catching me up.

   Ruth

   "What country you from?" She affected an accent.

   "Mh?"

   "I mean you don't sound southern, but you sound country."

   "Oh uh." hadn't really thought about it, "California, Fresno valley.  So
yeah, Migrant Workers country." It's beautiful back there.  So hard, I
didn't know where to start.  I could smell her now, so ladyspace!  "It's
like slavery, or indentured servitude," I guessed, and licked my fingers.
Just the tips, up front.  She seemed almost underdeveloped.  Less mature,
anatomically than I.  Not much to work with.

   "Uh huh?" Her eyes closed, "Nh?" Just a fingertip, don't just jam it all
up in there, not real wet.  Tight, like the rest of her.  Try to mash it
out with my thumb, and pull back.  Just the fingerprints, gentle, Ruth. 
Not real sensitive there, either.  "How do you?" She sighed, and took my
hand.  Folded the fingers together.  "Two?"

   "Then three, eventually." She looked doubtful kissed them, and wet them
with her lips.  Ring fingertip, different, I shook my head, and felt for
the wet spot.  Worked some out before I got to my pinky, and listened to
her breathe.  Eyes closed, her nose pinched, and she sighed.  That's
different too, but I like it.  Love her different beauty, wonder if I could
carve it.  Didn't pack any tools.

   So fingers, then, she accepts it, so I pull out, and lick my hand again.
Her broth, take your time, Ruth, enjoy her savory flavor.  Oriental,
Korean, tastes like any girl.  If I'm anyone to judge.  More, she's not a
boiler, not yet anyway.

   "Mh!" Lip bite.  Kiss her, feel her smile.  Lick my thumb real quick. 
This I can do, or I can learn.  Touching a girl, plenty of practice. 
Another girl I can pick up with a quickness.  Combination stimulus, don't
neglect any part.  Try that.  Multi-tasking, bend to feel for her upper
nipple, then let it go to run my nuckles down her tummy.

   No puff.  Damn it, just skin over her shaved too hard bone.  It's a
little distraction.  "What?" I didn't answer.  She says it like "Wut?" but
girly.  I giggled, goosebumps!  I rubbed her shoulder, and arm.  Girly
muscle, triceps.

   "Mm!" Nipple!  Not real sensitive, but got hard, on the supernaturally
firm substrate.  Plastic, a little bit of barbie in her, I felt around to
the scar.  "Did it hurt?" I lifted, and kissed under it.  She giggled.

   "Not much, outpatient, but they ached for weeks.  Uh!" she thought,
"Yeah, I hurt." I'd get over it.  They were getting saggy, and sure, she
didn't seem to mind, and neither do I but.  "It's worth it," she
understood, "For your self image." She sat up, reached for the zipper, I
smelled my fingers.  She sighed, picked up her shorts, and top.  "How cold
is the water?"

   "One way to find out," I shrugged, looked for my things she got out, and
sighed.  Cool air wafted in.  I got it tied on.  Flopped her over, and
juggled them in on the way out.  She splashed, and giggled, I got up.

   "Huhuh!" she was fun.  Probably have to warm up by the fire, so I ate
cold soup, stirred out an ember, and reached for a sprig of dry needles.  I
blew until they caught, crossed some branches over.  Not real deep, but I
sat down, and splashed up to my pits.  "That answer your question?"

   She laughed, and hugged me.  I didn't get her off, yet, but I'd learn.
Cold, "That answer your question?" Shivering, we got out.  I reached to the
back of the tent for the towel, unrolled it, and draped it over her
shoulders.  I didn't get my hair wet.  "You feel better?"

   "Hvhvh!" her cute chin quivered, and she nodded.  I toweled it out, the
wind died down, there wasn't even a breeze left.  When we were dry, we went
back to the tent, the rednecks weren't even up anymore.  Redneck family, it
wasn't like a pallet bonfire.

   Maud {TF NS}

   "How was your date?" She dropped her gear, and let out a depressive
sigh. "D'you want to talk about it?" Larry was in the garage, looked like a
spoke on his little BMX bike.  "Hm," I didn't know what I was starting, or
how she would run with it.  So, we went out to the back deck, and I set up
the back of my tanning lounge.

   "Let me get one of those," I handed one over.  "Menthol." she made a
face.

   "You started smoking again?"

   "Huh," she rolled her eyes, "I never quit.  I tried, back at St. 
Ignatius, one of them unwritten sins.  Stopped buying them, but the
home-bums, you know they all smoke.  Well not Charley, but the rest of
them, he wasn't really one of them."

   "Mhm." I nodded, "About your date."

   "Huh, I went and fucked it up again.  I mean, it was so perfect, and she
was.  God she was beautiful.  I got layed, but she said 'I don't know how
this would work out.' Then she got on her bike, and rode off.  I'm just so
judgemental."

   I noticed, "You didn't abuse her."

   "Idafucking know!" another breath, "I don't even know I'm doing it at
the time, but yeah.  I guess I caught myself making, Backhanded
Compliments, a couple times."

   "Like you think about yourself."

   She nodded, "At first it's perfect, then there's these, well the first
flaw was her nipples.  I didn't like them, and then that started annoying
me, until I got, like I always do."

   "You drive them away because they don't live up to your standards."

   "I know, it's impossible.  People have flaws."

   "People have personalities, and feelings too.  I believe you may be
hyperfocused" ADD, undiagnosed until middle age "On physical standards, her
looking perfect until you find the flaw you're looking for, you get
distracted from Her.  The person, not the object." I know this from
experience.  "You spent so long projecting your sexuality into your art,
your statues you lost the ability to Empathize?"

   "No," her brows go down, "I still got that.  I feel like a Sadist, huh,
uh!" She cries, "What's wrong with me?"

   Huh, "You know your diagnosis," Rub her shoulders, "You're a repressed
emotional abuser.  You have to stop hating yourself, and let people love
you, if you ever want to be happy."

   Mother Superior {FT Femdom Bondage}

   I don't know, when she told me she wanted me to tie her up.  To be
perfectly frank, I guess I didn't want to think about it, until she dragged
me down to her cellar, and swallowed my soul.  {S.  Raimi} nice set of
tools, definitely everything you need, nothing you don't, but versatile,
and handy.

   Then I felt it, now I got no idea what it feels like when she goes away.
Not asleep, or anything, her heart racing, and gasping in shallow pants. 
She can't speak, nor even talk about it, I think she blacks out?  But she
loves it, she gets off in a way I never seen before.

   Now she's tied to a chair.  No pain, don't hurt her.  Don't turn this
scene wrong, make her say it.  I see what she means about control, it's a
bitch.  You have to be in control to control her, and that's the part I
didn't get.  At first, picked it right up!

   "Heh heh huh!" in her underwear.  "Worthless fucking cunt, your husband
even care enough to pay the ransom?" Humiliation, though.  She says I'm a
natural.  "I mean, he settled, obviously, wouldn't spring for a nose job?"
I pushed it aside as a lever.

   "Nh?" She turned away.

   "Not enough fat on ya to fry a potatochip, you call these titties?" Nice
pat on the side of the pleather bra.  Not so sure on the latex fetish, I
hate these damned gloves, and all the prep.  Thanks fully Larry's started
school, so we could have hours together.  Take some weekdays off together,
she can do some weekend visits.  Upstairs, but down here she's Mine.

   "Hhhhhhih!" She shivers, and holds her breath.  I don't squeeze, just
hold it there, around her neck.

   Heheheh, "Maybe you just never had what he wanted," I held her hair,
careful not to pull it, and stood up.  Right in front of her, I know she
can smell it, but not reach.  Not yet.  "Yeahhhhh," I felt down her front,
brushed between her swells with my knuckles, and skipped over her fantastic
abdominal package.  "What is this shit?" Filthy, squeezed hard between her
thighs.

   "You trying to hide it?" I hooked it out with a finger, "I can see why,
you should be ashamed of this pathetic little thing.  But he found it,
right?  When he got under your wedding dress?" I jerked it out of my fist.

   "Uh!" He hunched.

   "Ew, you sick fuck!  You lied to him, didn't you?"

   "No," I grabbed him, "Stop.  That's enough."

   I sighed, and untied him.  She put on her robe, and went back up, so I
stuck the nice textured one with the G spot hook to the chair, and got out
a rubber.

   Too far?  Right, "It's not about sex...  Hrm." Dialing in...

   Ruth {F?  NS}

   "Yeah?" Don't recognize the number.

   "Ruth?"

   "Who's this?" I see a couple spots.

   "Amber." Pull In.

   "YTF are you calling me!" Then?  Skip [P] for [R], breathe, don't hit
that bumper, check my mirror.

   "You ever," get that not so fresh feeling, "Want to kill yourself?" She
sounds, like she's been crying.

   "Huh," right after this truck, "Where are you?"

   "At the church, where we have a meeting.  Are you coming?" So help me,
if this is some sort of trick, I'll kill her.

   "Don't hang up," come out of the turn, don't speed, but get back up to
speed.  "Can you come out front?"

   "I'm right here," she waves, and I have to pull around.  Across the
street, down from the wrong corner, I park, and grab my keys on the way
out. In my pocket, don't want to give anyone the wrong idea.

   She's really crying, or learned how to fake it better.  "Ooh," damn it,
"Come on," I grab her shoulders in my arm, "Let's go for a walk." Stay in
public, keep an eye out for tails, or gangs.  "What're you doing here?"
trying to get raped?  Not a bad neighborhood, but badly lit, and too many
men around.  Just 2 girls walking, girl stuff, nothing to see here.

   "How?"

   "What?" She looks over, "Oh, I never thought about,"

   "Don't."

   "I don't think I can hurt myself."

   "Then what do you need me for?"

   "You quit," I didn't smell any alcohol on her breath.

   "What?"

   "Abusing Maud." I sighed.

   "I don't know what you heard," I blew the 'but' out my nose.  "I didn't
'abuse' Maud." she didn't believe me.  "I started, subconsciously trying
to. She didn't let me."

   Right, she's invulnerable.

   "Why?"

   "I assume you know she didn't want to be abused," so by process of
elimination, "She didn't live up to my, huhnrealistic expectations."

   "She's not a," careful!  "Lesbian."

   "She is," I admit, "A better one'n me, but she couldn't satisfy me, and
I got mad."

   She nodded, looked me in the eyes, truthfully.  "I don't know how to
tell myself the truth." I give her a nod.  "You quit that?"

   "Denial?" Yes, "As far as I can tell."

   "How?"

   "It's a long story," I steered her for the corner shop.  "You got any
cigarettes?" Pipe doesn't really work for this.

   "You mind menthol?" I roll my eyes.  It's not about my issues, just this
once.  Clink!  "What was your mother like?"

   "What?"

   "I don't know much about mothers."

   "You think it's about that?" Damn you, Freud!

   "I know it's about my brother." she shrugged, "I finally got that, but
I'm not sure what it was about, for him?"

   "What'd he do?"

   "Molested me," she sighed, "Twice," looked up.  I tried to work out the
expression on her face, but I'm not Maud.  "I remember when he started
again, and I get," she looks up, "Flashes, from the first time.  He was
about 10, when he stopped, and mom beat the hell out of him for it.  I
don't know if that was the first time, but he remembers it." She nodded,
"You think that made him,"

   "I'm not Maud, uh, Doctor..."

   "I know, I'll ask her about that, but did you ever want to just die?"

   "Not any more."

   "I just did, before I called you.  I never did before."

   "You're always so," Narcissistic, deluded to grandure, I really needed
to read more, when I could learn this kind of thing instead of useless
Liturgies.  "Awesome?"

   "You think so?"

   "No," I scoffed, "But you did.  Sorry, but that's one of the things even
I picked up on."

   "I wasn't" she gulped, "Guh!" A sob, like a hickup, "I was so dirty
inside, I still am, but I think all that was to hide it."

   "I wasn't never abused." Was not, ever?  Nod.  "Not sexually, I was
repressed, and I played along with that.  Discrimination, self loathing,"
but.

   "Yeah, that." She nodded.  "I didn't want to hate myself."

   "Then what?"

   "Then, I started fantasizing."

   "When?"

   "When he stopped.  I got my period.  He left home, right after that."

   "Did he wait for," I swallowed.  "That?"

   "I don't know," she thought, "Maybe?  Or, he thought it was fun until I
started,"

   "So!" Uh, "Then you started fantasizing?"

   "Whats the word for when you take something from you, and put it on
them?"

   "Displacement?" I guessed.

   "Yeah, I" thought, "Guess I displaced that.  Feeling," she shivered,
"Eugh!  Well, I did that, to a girl.  I made her feel all dirty.  Huh!"
Lightbulb, "It made me feel, less.  Dirty.  Not clean, but it displaced
that, to her."

   "That was your first Victim" I held up the but/t.  "Denial, get used to
that word." I never saw her wince at it before.

   "I think so," I frowned.  I know what she looks like thinking.  She
didn't feel anything, just said it, numbly.  Nobody can always tell, and I
guess anyone gets lucky some times.  "My third, but they were," quick
nibble, "My brother's."

   "Don't protect him."

   "Jeff's victims.  He told me how to make friends, and said he wanted to
meet them.  When he did, they didn't want to be my friends."

   "Did you do anything to them?" She half-shrugged under my hand. 
"They're your victims too."

   "Huh," I know.

   "Rationalizing is probably your main problem.  Check with Maud, she'd
know better, but I think that's it.  If you can lie to yourself, God knows
I did!" about Him, "Then you're capable of anything.  Even the worst
things."

   "Helpless." Probably to herself.  "Yeah, that's the worst feeling."

   Hug her, "Yeah," I know.  "You're really a child molestor?" Hard to
believe.

   "No," she laughed, "Teenage boys, mostly, why?  Oh, I don't have a type,
the one time I got caught was a babysitting gig.  That was really Jeff,
what he wanted.

   "What about transvestite?" I giggled.  Not quite, she's a girl.  Maybe,
Doc's not even getting down to the Gender yet.

   She didn't.  "Maybe, why?"

   "It's just, I never understood that one." even for men, "Like foot
fetish.  WTF?"

   "I don't know about that one.  Megahn's got big feet, but I cared more
about her hands."

   Yeah, "Hn!" I covered my mouth.

   "The?" she pushed me, "Fuck!"

   "Now," I held my hands up, "You guys were allready broke up." Keep them
between us, see if I can keep her away.

   "Auh!" I pushed her back, and she stumbled.  I stood back, put my hands
up again when she caught her balance, and stayed out of reach.  "How could
you!" I caught her charge, and pushed her down.

   "Okay," answers the one about violence, "Don't hurt yourself any more."

   "No," I jump back, "I'll kill you!" she cries on her hands an knees.

   "SHE's." I got her attention, "Not.  Yours.  As soon as you made her a
victim you fucked that up."

   "But I didn't," she sobbed, making a scene, "I didn't want to!"

   "It's all right," I held my hand up, "I got this," and reached to help
her up.  "I'm helping patch her heart back together." I held her arms, "Now
let's head back to my car..."

   "No," she pulled away and ran.  I hope it all sinks in before she hurts
anyone.  Anyone else.  I shouldn't think like that, but I feel that way. 
She could solve a lot of problems for a lot of people, if she doesn't hurt
someone.

   Why did I do that to her?  Not again.  Larry's the only one I didn't
hurt, and Charley.  I wanted to torture him.  She's too much like me, when
I gave up, and stopped running.  Before I made it back to church, serially
chasing them away with backhanded insults.  Compliment, and cancel it out
with the nastiest thing I can think to say, then "Sorry," too late, or try
to rape them when they came by my dorm room.  Why didn't they say anything,
why didn't any of them tell security, or talk to each-other?

   Because I didn't hurt them, painfully, I tried to get revenge for
looking so good.  Being so much better than me that I'd pick apart their
flaws, or exploit their weaknesses.  How many times they gotta say it,
Ruth? The few times I got a bunt even to second base, it was the ones that
didn't stop me.  I made the move, and left them hurting.  Drove them off
instead of just letting them love me.  In denial, that they could?  No,
even worse than that.

   I resent their love.

   How could I do that?  What could make me, what congenital, or
environmental flaw would make love hurt so much?  Not Maternal love like
Glo/Larry, but Romantic sexual love.  Why does that make me hate them?  I
don't know if I should ever see Meghan again, but I have to think about
her. Can she risk loving me?  She does, knows she doesn't even have to tell
me, or ask me.

   Can I love her, so young?  I can't stop her, I can dust her on a bike
until those kicking legs get dialed in on cranking, then I'd probably have
to get around to the valve job on the Windsor.  Fight, or flight?

   "False dychotomy." So, what're the points between?  Don't run, but if I
stay, don't fight.

   "No," I love Maud.  I just need sex.  And maybe someone more my age, I
hate feeling like a fucking pedobear.  Nor Ephebophile.  "Huh," damn near.
Even that soccer mom looked like one, if I squinted.

   Or a Charleybear.  I'm turning into one, I got that the other month. 
Yeah, they just look so good but no.  Fuck that, I'm turning into a Charley
bear, with bodyhair.  Oall right, I hate shaving.

   So, a boy/girlfriend, or a couple?  Somewhere away from Group, three
many issues around here.  "Damn!"ed bar!  Keep on walkin' Ruth.  Maybe some
healthy fantasies, that one's pretty good.  Bisexual, love/sex/whatever
what are my needs?  My emotional needs, "HuhI'll never get to self
actualization at this rate!"

   How could I do that to her, though.  Reject Meghan, again?  Break her
heart after Amber, and all the girls before her.  I don't even need empathy
for that, I remember.  I want those years back, from before I went all
Sloth.  To be young again, and YTF does she have to be tall?  Okay, I
always scale the statues that way, but that's not an answer.  Young bodies,
and faces I'll admit.

   No older sisters, not Mom, is it just older girls?  How long have I had
that hangup, and how old was i when I developed it?  Heather?  Yeah,
Heather, and before that Carol Danvers.  She started growing up first.  And
I hated her for it.  You know what your problem is you're too judgmental. I
know, right?

   "Charley" {MF Trol NS.}

   "Hey Ruth." I smiled, and lifted the chains, "Forgive me for not getting
up." Chained to the bed, by request.

   "Forget it," she turned back, and mouthed Bastard under her breath.

   "Last chance," I transfer tomorrow.  General population, fish.  One last
look at seafood for me!

   "Huh!" She knew she'd regret it.  Rubbed her eyes, didn't sit down, or
pace.  "For whatever reason, the 12 steps work for me.  Can we just get
this over with?" She gave me the look, I know which ones.  The Nun look, I
guess that's where she got it from.

   "You been working out?"

   "Have you been getting raped?" Jail, not prison.  Yet.  'Conceited
fucking, "Looks like you'll have to get your own place, when you get out,
If they let you out." Confidence, that was different.  "Since you're
registered now." Even a little confrontational for her.

   I shrug, "Matter of time," I had a good run.  Not done yet.

   "What do you think about Maud?"

   "Ah," I sat up, "Small talk?"

   She laughed, "Avoiding the subject?"

   "He's all right," she frowned, "What?  He answers to he.  There's a
whole side of him you never seen," I bet, and rubbed my shoulder.  The
chains clanked.

   "You attacked hir.  I know the pronouns, dipshit."

   "Ad Hominem?"

   "You're a worthless little piece of shit!" she fake laughed, "That's
insulting shit, I can't offend you." Looked under her brows.

   "Yes," I brought my fingertips together, "Your hate has made you
powerful."

   She laughed for real this time.  "Yeah, you woke me up.  Thanks for
that, now I'm going out to be free, and they're coming down to drag you off
to the rape-house, where you belong."

   "Privilege!" She stopped at that door.  "That word, you keep using.  I
don't think it means what you think it means." She slammed it open, "I know
Rape, Bitch!" It slammed shut.

   Ruth {MTi Mole Hebe Virg.}

   "Ruth?" I looked up, nodded.  Larry walked out, head down, bangs
hanging, looked away from my, to the door.  "Have a seat."

   "What," Doctor, "z'sis about?"

   "Gloria just had a breakthrough." Oh shit, He's glaring at me.  Sharp
breath, through her nose.  I've never seen him before, I look down.  "A
memory, after you chased off Charley?" I nod.

   "We stopped."

   "Purity checks," he sighed, "Really?" I curled up my legs, set my toes
on the floor.  "You don't like to feel like that, do you?"

   "MmM?" I shook my head, and rubbed my face to get a little blood back in
it.

   "Say something." Make it good.

   "It's not like I cheated on y,"

   "You molested an emotionally vulnerable girl."

   "He's not a girl,"

   "He Was!" The Finger.  Pointer, to the heavens,

   "Don't bring Him," I rolled my eyes "into this,"

   "Sit back down." He stuck his foot out, as if to trip me, and used the
heel to lever out of the pump.  Didn't move.  "Calm down, relax," her eyes
soothed.

   "Huh!" I turned the chair around.

   "What where you thinking?"

   "Idaknow," I buried my face in my crossed elbows, "I didn't.  Think 'Oh,
I think I'll molest Gloria today!' Huh!  Uh!" I choked back a sigh.  "She
was just so vulnerable, and, having trouble figuring it out." I couldn't
look at her.

   "Mhm?" She sounded Black?

   "You don't know what it's like, I didn't even look in the schoolyard any
more, but.  Uh!  They came in, in their cute little uniforms, and I never
touched them.  Or talked to them.  I can never make a move, but she came
onto me.  Snh!" I looked up, wiped my eyes.  "She did, you know she did."

   She thought, but her lips relaxed, a little.  "Hmh?" She gave me The
Look.

   "Uh!" I rolled my eyes, "I just missed being so young, and discovering
all this." I waved my hands around my head, "Stuff, whatever."

   "Feeling attractive?"

   "And I had all that, with Charley to bury."

   She nodded, understanding.

   "So I didn't kick her outta bed," I got up, "You mind?" She shook her
head, I paced.  "I didn't pop her cherry, or anything, so yeah.  When we
figured out what was wrong with him, I maybe may have suggested making that
a part of Him.  Not being a girl."

   "And Meghan."

   "What about Mega?" She got up.  "Now that's different, she's not
vulnerable likeat."

   "It's not a singles club." The finger, for 1.  Rule #1: "You weren't
gonna tell me, but you know as well as I that she's at least as vulnerable.
What about Amber?"

   "What about her?"

   "She's

   Not

   Vulnerable."

   "What is she like, twelve?" All right, barely legal, don't look it. 
"Okay, she's developed, some."

   "Right?" Denial.  "Fuck, Ruth!  Why do you think you hate her so much?
Look in the mirror, she's standing right there." She held her hand out,
about the right height.

   "Getcher," I swatted at it, and she snatched it back.  THWMH!  Caught my
thumb, and kinda side-stepped behind me.  I felt her bump my hip, and found
myself ass over tincups, on my head in the corner.  The door thudded behind
me.

   "Don't do that again." You know, I never even questioned her capacity
for violence?  "I don't understand you, either of you, but between the 3 of
us, we should be able to figure this out." She picked up her glasses, and
rubbed the bridge of her nose before putting them on.

   "What?"

   "Your," she gasped, and covered her whisper.  "OMG you're a,"
breathless. 'Psychopath.' Her hands shook, I've never seen her so emotional
before, and I didn't like it.

   Ruth {Ff Saph...}

   "Uh!" I stuck my pinky in the hole, rolled my eyes, and slipped the disk
in by feel.

   [7]

   Was my favorite album, {ST: Elvis Costello - After the Fall (Mighty Like
a Rose.)}

   < 3

   "Uh!" Okay, blink them out, eyes on the road.  Brought the motor,
nothing but coast, damn the fossil fuels.

   I cried.  Not because of what she called me, I was more hiding it than
denying it by now, but the way she said it.  'Psychopath.' There ain't no
mountain high enough to ride that off.

   "Other times they thought they heard laughter, coming from the balcony
above.

   I sang along "She lies to his right, and she carelessly recites, all of
her brand new appetites." She seems brittle and small, it don't sound like
her atall, since she came back...

   "Gah!"

   I know which part I was playing.  I lied to her, enough to believe it, I
thought.  Funny thing about a subconscious, it doesn't go away.  So, I
buried the bitch, ignored her, forgave her her little slips out.  Sure,
when I was locked up in the garage, I jumped Charley's bones, then I got
jealous and lost it.

   I had an excuse, but really.  The way she looked, curling back to the
bunk, in the corner of the matress.  The way she cried, the way that made
me feel.

   "You've changed, but not for the better babe..."

   What was my excuse for Maud?  Why did I fall in love, and then do that?
Denial, of course, but I never even wanted to do that, to hurt her.  Look
at her, she started off a boy, and became more beautiful than I.  I was
even more green eyed than that little monster.

   "Thrown through the window in a Riot."

   "She lies in his arms, and without any qualms, revels in shallow
delight." I couldn't finish, I just sobbed, and tried to keep it on the
road.  Good thing I didn't do this down there, over by the cliff.  Not flat
enough, not enough straightaways...

   So, [Contacts]

   [Recent Calls]<

   "Which one?.."

   V

   V

   V

   [Send]
{ST: Georgie and Her Rival [8]...}
"Meow?" That's how she answers the phone, with a self conscious grin to

herself.

   "You ever go camping?"

   "Hehah!" Mostly testing to see if she'd lied enough.  "Finally, uh! 
hehihin!  Well, I never Went camping.  Sure, I slept out, but not for fun.
You mean camping for fun, right?" That's right honey, manipulate me.  I
need to think.

   "Heha!  Best thereRapey." Enunciate the Rape.

   "Oh!" Meghan told me.  Her deepest darkest fantasy, the one she wanted
to hide from everyone.  Sure, I'm not a man, but I bet I'm man enough for
her to "Rape" me.  Can't say I haven't thought about it, but she's never
made a move on me.  And I'm lazy.

   "Where you at?" Grin.  I'm sure she's heard a lot about me, but you
don't have to stalk an open book, just sit back and read.  Everyone talks
about her, it doesn't seem to matter if she's there or not.  She likes it.

   Wipe my eyes, sniff, enough feeling sorry for yourself, Ruth.  "The
Arroyo, BMX trails." Okay, turn around.  "What're you listening to?" once
the wheels stopped squeeling, I dropped the hand brake, and dumped the
clutch.

   SKRHRHRRRRR!  "Elvis Costello," I turned it down.

   "Be right there," she doesn't have a bike.  "You kept the phone?" Should
we cancel the Amber Alert?  Note: I didn't get the joke, because her name
has been changed.  That's why we called her that, Megan's Law.

   Doesn't need to lose weight, neither, I'd be terrified to see her all
tight and defined like Megan.  The total package, that mind in that body?
"Pwr!" Mushroom cloud.  Scary enough with just cute, petite, and buxom to
work with.

   "Nh!  And don't she know it?" She gets up from that pose, you'd expect a
cocktail dress, and a piano in there somewhere.  Her waist hangin off her
hip.  {ST: So Like Candy (MLAR)}

   "Rape?" she hopped in, and rubbed her hands togetHer.

   Shrug, drop the mask, hypervigilance, can't see where she'd hide a
knife, and that's kind of scary.  Yeah, keep your hands in your lap, just
like that.

   Reverse, 2nd, rooster-tails, bygones.  I'd be back for the bigger pieces
from the garage when she's at work.

   "Maybe some molestation first," leer over in the rearview, she looks up,
"Work our way down." The problem with Maud.  Okay, where to start, she's
unreadable, switches from defensive to ruthless without a sign, and
insatiable.  Not like little miss hot panties here, impossible to even
arouse, and how could you tell?

   This one never ran out of quarters.  "Sounds good!" Giggles, "You mind
if I get started?" I reached down, hit the lighter without looking, and
while I was down there put it in fourth.  It was getting straight, and
level now, anyhow.  "What's all that?" She dropped her panties in the
center console, and hooked her thumb out the back window.

   "I'm moving out."

   "Moving on, too?"

   Shrug, "One of the diagnoses I got from Maud is I'm not really a
relationship kinda gall." Blow smoke out my nose, she's still stinking up
the place.  You know she's got a blackbelt in Akido?"

   "What's that?"

   "How to avoid violence," hard to explain.  "I grabbed at her, ironically
tried to shake some sense into her." I wound up piled up, upside down in
the corner.  "I hear you're not violent.  Try it with her some time.  You
probably won't touch her."

   "I decided not to try about 5 seconds in, but thanks for the head's up."
She sighed, "I lied about that."

   "Violence?" She nodded, got that.  Or did she black out, forget
attacking me?

   "Watch the seats." I reach back, feel around for the paper towels, nope,
blue shop towels, even better.  "Here." She puts a napkin down, below her
lap.

   "Hn," She settles back down, "Nhnhnhn!"

   "What?"

   "I made you," glare over, "No, I mean I spotted you, on predar." I
assume that's like Gadar, "On first sight."

   "Hehah!" Nod, "All right, you got me.  I bought into your whole Red
Riding Hood routine, and that night where you threatened to kill yourself."

   She didn't laugh.  Don't mess with the bull-dagger, little girl.  I
stuck the horns out on the steering wheel.  That's right, I've seen you,
with the mask off.

   "You had me fooled." Baldfaced lie.  I knew long before that, but she's
a narcissist.  O great and terrible Smaug.  "Hehahuhah!"

   "Ooh!" She squeezed her hands between her legs.  "I like your look."
Blinked, "I mean your Look," she glared, "Aggro!" Grinned.

   "I like your smile," I looked over, "No, the wolf grin, you kn,
hehyeah." Straightaway anyway.  "Hehaha!" Slasher smile.  Joker, sharp
little teeth.  Harley Quinn?  No, not quite right.  I got the Red Riding
Wolf, but she changed, and changed again.  Like Maud's hats, only masks. 
Like an onion, every time you peel back a layer you just get more tears, or
a hydra?

   Not a unicorn, nothing pure about her.  Should come with a warning
label: [Keep away from your Virgins.] Heha!

   I like that I don't have to hide anything.  Cut off my laugh to myself
before people start looking at me sideways, and backing away.  She's
creepy, she likes creepy.  Probably why I can't pull off romantic.  "So
whoms raping whom?" She mumbles to herself, probably didn't even think that
was the proper use for a word I'd never seen her attempt before, even to
Larry.

   "Fight you for it?" I pulled over, and her hands came out quick.  I had
to cut the motor anyway, but she's already faster than me.  Door handle, or
defense?  Ooh, offense!  "Chul!" Force my chin down in the back of her
hand, or the top one.  "Ow!" scratches my throat.  Don't even look like
nails, but they're sharp!

   Nowhere to run, honey, and this is My truck!  "Weak little girl. 
Huhuha!" I mostly grabbed her wrists for control.  "You want to relax, or
should I break your elbows?"

   "NhgnNH!" The pain on her face from me squeezing the bones in her arms,
they buckle so I can bend them back, to her shoulders.  'huh huh uh.' She
stops, resisting, and goes limp.  My eyebrows relax, and go up.  Thought
she had more fight in her!  That wasn't even a full round?

   "hehehahuh!" I wish I could grin like that.  Thanks, Bert.  For all that
power-assertive victim rehearsal, I guess.  I like this role, even better
than my default, Anger Retaliator.  "Stupid slut," asking for it, "What
where you thinking, going out dressed like that?" I held her mouth forced
her teeth open with my thumb so she couldn't bite.  "You like pain, cunt?"

   "Ah!" she turned, and her cheek reddened.  "Noh!"

   'then don't make me hurt you.' Whispered through my teeth.

   'huh huh huh...' She just breathed, her expression didn't change, she
was so deep.  Like a trance.  I'd never get the story out of her, she can
lie to Maud now.  I can't help feeling we're always making her worse.  God
I wished I was a hypnotist, or knew anything about hypnosis if I could put
her under so fast.  If she was under, the hairs stood out on my neck. 
"Hn!"

   "Yeah," I felt, "You like it." But then, she started without me.  I hear
she's hard to turn on, which was part of that whole sex-talk, to get her in
the mood, but she was damp.

   "Nh!" She clenched around my finger, 'hn!'

   "Loose fucking slut, what you been stickin up here?"

   "Nh!" 2, with room to spare.  I pulled back for more.  "NH!" She bit her
lip.  I kept her at arm's length, locked my elbow with my hand on her
chest. "God damn girl.  AmI gonna need another arm?  I got a knob on the
trailer hitch, a couple tobifers backere..."

   Now I was getting hot.  "Ah!" she jumped and her tit reddened, bouncing
back to hang again.

   "Wake up!"

   "Nh!" 4.  Wow, I don't have little fingers.  I know Bert's pretty big, I
heard, but it's like asking her how many years she did GJJ.  Every time the
fish gets bigger, but I assume he's human.  4 knuckles, no problem if I
hold my hand vertical, so they don't catch on the sides, her pelvis.  So,
never been pregnant.  Mental note.

   "Ah, neah, Yea aH!" Not even faking it any more, and I'm sopping in and
out of her.  In, all the way, wiggle my top knuckle in so her asshole is
pinched to a crescent against the sheet.  Gonna have to tear off some more
shop cloths, this one's starting to soak through.

   Lean in, look close, and curl my thumb so she can't feel the web flex
against her.  Her heart beats, in my palm, dropping from that fast rabbit
twitch to a slower, harder pounding.  Carefully, just brush against her
little pearl, engorged enough to peek out, feel my prints catch, the little
arches, and the line straight up the middle.

   "NnnnhhHHg!" She clamps my hand.  Wern't expecting that, eh?  Can't
overload her with penetration, maybe drive up one of the logging trails to
fell, and peel a feller for her.  But it sure primed her for that tickle.
That unexpected sensation I bet even she never felt before.

   God, her lips where flexing, flattening against the ball, and back of my
hand.  She couldn't breathe, and her tummy tightened enough to see some
definition, twitching.  Stealth abs, it don't look that strong, usually. 
Not like her forearms.

   "Ngh, uh, huh!" I looked up in time to see her grin.  Couldn't even
unlock my elbow before she somehow jumped, fingers tightening on my wrists
like a coil, jerked tight by a tow truck, and her legs wrapped around my
arm.  I fell over, twisting my side on the center console, hooking my hip
behind it, and my shoulders slipped between my seats.

   "My turn." I struggled.  Or tried to, I had to feel for her feet, heel
crushing in between my tits, grinding into my bone, making it hard to
breathe.  Couldn't pull the top one off, hooking in, stronger than either
of my arms, separately.

   "NHHHHRH!" I couldn't lift her, no leverage, or even bend my arm,
against her whole body.  I tapped her foot.  Harder, slapped it.  "Ah AH!"
Slap her chest with the back of my hand, and feel the tendons pull in her
crushing grip.

   "Don't, nh."

   "Ah!"

   "Make me."

   "AhfAgh!"

   "Break it." Through her teeth, I could hear them.  But the armrest was
up, behind my head, pinned twisted upward by her calf.  "Relax." Pinned in
my own damned truck.

   I did!  I felt it, the resistance just slipping away.  'nh!' Oh God, I
do not like this.  It feels just like Heroin, there's a reason I never
tried that again.  Oh god, am I falling???

   "Amber." {f[F] Sub NS.}

   "Nyhiha!" I cover my mouth, but I can't stop giggling.  Did she pass
out? OMG, she's so cute!  In the face, I know she's been working hard on
her self image, but she's fat, and she just stopped losing weight.  Didn't
even really watch, she's not just short of obese any more.

   "Huh," weird jazzy music from the radio {ST: Playboy to a Man.} I kinda
liked it, clashing with my mood, Cognitive Dissonance, she called it.  Even
turned down that low, I'd think it could wake the dead.  Reach out, wave in
front of her eyes.  Shrug.

   Here's the thing, we're way past attraction here.  Get the biggest
dirtiest smelliest biker in a truckstop bathroom stall, I wanna smell
ammonia.  Been there, done that, 'Honey' gave the teeshirt to goodwill. 
Rotten piss.  Beauty's not a turnoff, but it doesn't help, at all.  All she
had was the standards.  "Yeah!" Look back, "Ooh!" Nice sunset.  I get up on
my knees to put my chin on my hands, on the headrest.

   Talk dirty to her, but she can't find a specific flaw, of course.  Make
fun of my face, saggy tits, the worst personal she could get was weak, and
little.  I got a lot more to work with, and those are her issues.  I know
all her buttons, but all she's got.

   Well, okay.  She is pretty damn good with her hands.  God, that even
felt like rape!  "Hn." Headlights starting to come on, and I wanted to
watch her set up.  Some other time, I'll get another chance.  She says
she's not cut out for relationships, but I'm sure she's just never tried it
with the right girl.  She has a lot to learn about Mutually Abusive
Relationships.

   I wonder how long until we can start picking up guys, the old bait, and
switch.  And where does she hide that pistol of hers?  It's not my favorite
movie, but I'd be in it.  I kinda look like Christina Ricci, as a blond. 
Definitely not like Wednesday.  She doesn't hide it.

   Better skip town first, though.  This one got way to hot a few victims
ago.

   "Hm?" she wakes up as soon as I touch her, so probably just catatonic. I
fixed my clothes.  She'll probably never try holding me down like that
again, with her elbow locked.  And I can't exactly rape her like that,
anyway.  "You're not gonna?" she blinked, and reached for the hanging keys.

   "No, I'm good." God, talk about emotional release!  And that wasn't even
a little orgasm!
   "Uh!" she rolls her eyes, {ST: Sweet Pear} and slaps the radio off.