"Oh, Goddess! My husband is just like that," said Chien, the Chiefs wife. "His voice is so distinctive I can hear him across the camp. He's easy...but any mother who can hear her baby whimper, surely can hear her bellowing mate. Men, they can't talk softly!"
Naturally, this truthful commentary set off the She side of The Two Voiced One. "You better believe it, mine is so loud he could wake the dead...and when he farts...there's dead to wake!!"
This comment produced gag a maggot stories of spousal intestinal infortitude. Eventually. the wives forgot that Two Voices was just a voice. They were really having fun.
No male, especially a High Muckymuck, can stand to see his wife having a good time without him. The Chief moved out of the shadows of the trees and down to the campfire.
"Here, foolish woman. Who are you to tell tales on your husband! For that matter, who are you telling those tales to?" He raised his hand to strike her...
The Two Voiced One, in a full bore female mood, decided he had pretensions of superior importance, he was overbearing, assuming, insolent, proud, an arrogant public official. A typical asshole politician. She picked him up and held him over a barrel cactus, "You're a real turd, I'm surprised your tribe has let you live this long. Your wife has been talking to me. How about you have a seat and keep your mouth shut!" And she sat him on the cactus.
Being picked up by a creature he couldn't see, lectured by a voice, and set on a cactus didn't improve his mood one little bit. He called for his assistant chiefs to get him down and pull out the cactus spines that had liberally perforated his pretensions. This brought more of the tribe to the fire. Several young women started laughing at the chief lying on a robe getting cactus spines pulled out of his ass. The Chief told his henchmen to go punish the girls for mocking him.
Two Voices lost it.
"For a scientist," the Cheese commented, "you can really lose your temper."
Lone Tree, the new chief of the asians, said. "I never could stand that asshole. The reason I scouted was to keep away from the prick."
"Cheese," confessed Two Voices, "you're going to be upset with me. I sent the stupid bastard and his assistants to your time, and your town."
"You didn't!"
"I did!"
"Where did you drop them?"
"In the park, at the Fair Grounds."
"What date is it there?"
"It's County Fair time, the National Guard and the Army are there recruiting."
"No Shit?"
"Yes Shit!"
"That must have been interesting." The Cheese asked, "where are they now?"
"Two are in the hospital, under guard. The sheriff has the rest in jail, he's holding them for the FBI and Immigration."
"Wonderful!"
"I thought so!" She said, "no one can understand them, the chief still has cactus spines in his butt, and they were all carrying spears."
The Cheese thought about that for a minute. "You know, this is going to create major confusion in academic circles."
"I know, ain't it grand!"
"Yes Cheese?"
"We need to speed this up. It's going to take a week or more to get this tribe to the Valley. Can't you just transport them...or something?"
"Ok." We were home. "Hi Lori, how's things here?"
"Pretty good, Two voices." Lori hesitated, "Bill and Jimmy made a flight up to wyoming, what ever that is, and picked up some sulphur, there's a place up there that has lots of it. They said something about gunpowder."
"That's fine. Lori?" Two voices asked, "how are you doing with potty training?"
"Really good, now I know what a sphincter is and how to control it."
Two Voices laughed, "You're such a good kid. Your hair is getting long. Did you figure out how to make it grow?"
"Yup. I can make it change colors too. Wanna see?"
While this is going on, the newcomers are marveling at a one year old kid floating in mid air and obviously talking to someone she can see but they can't. Then the little girls hair starts changing colors. Red, blue, orange, green, in stripes and waves and checkerboards, people are in awe of the tiny kid.
Suddenly, she noticed the Cheese, "Cheese! Cheese! I missed you so!" She flew to his arms for a cuddle, tickle and kiss. The Cheese put her down, and she waddled away. Plop, on her butt.
She got up rubbing it. "I don't see what's so great about walking," she muttered, "it hurts!" She stopped and waddled back, "Cheese, Jo said party tonight. The guys are gathering wood. You need to get everyone lodges too. Two Voices? Can you get more tipis? That's a lot of people!"
Two Voices dithered a little, "I didn't even think about lodging. There weren't supposed to be so many landbridgers. I better get busy...Oh Shit! I gotta feed them too. Cheese, Can I borrow Lori?"
"I don't have a problem with that. Ask Carol."
"Take her!" hollered Carol, from the Red Tent.
"Damn, all your women got good ears," said Chief Lone Tree to the Cheese. "I'm glad I don't have to deal with her?"
"Me too!" She hollered.
"Damn."
"Yes ma'am, just like you said. I get into their minds and open pathways and teach them how to listen with their heads as well as their ears. Some of them don't learn or don't want to learn. It's hard to tell which.
"Chione's boy is the best of the good ones. He already makes sense. I might marry him when we grow up."
"Are you teaching Coots kids?" Two Voices asked. "We really need to find out if they are smart enough to be assets."
"Yes! The two boys are great. Just a second...Flyboy...Hiflyer. Two Voices wants you. Hi!"
"Oh, you're wonderful. Hiflyer and Flyboy?"
"Yes ma'am?"
"Have you learned enough to move things?"
The two boys held hands, linked, and a Mammoth on the plain lifted off the ground and moved around. "We practice on him a lot." The boys spoke in unison, "we think he's used to it. We can't do two though. It splits our link.
"You should see our sheep pen. We go hunting them and bring them back here. We moved a bunch of rocks and walled up a big grazing pasture. They have their own water and the pasture is big enough to feed them. Lori altered their mouths so they can't pull up the roots."
"How are the girls coming?"
"All they want to do is fuck."
"Well, you can't really blame them. Do you scratch their itches?"
"Yes Ma'am! Maybe not as much as they'd like. But we both love to eat pussy!"
"Be still my horny heart!" Two Voices mentally slapped herself. "Time to get to work." She popped into view, did things with her hands, spoke in a secret language and bundles and poles appeared on the cliff.
"You boys take these down please, just a few at a time. I don't want the landbridgers to know how much you can do. Thank you."
"It is our pleasure to serve."
"Oh Lori, you've done wonderfully!"
"Thanks, it's fun. The boys are right though. All those girls want to do is fuck, the teens and the tens. They keep the boys hopping. I think some of the younger men are doing the teens too. When I feel the pleasure in their minds I go away. I might like it later, I'm sure I will, but right now it's icky!"
"Lori, you're so smart!"
When Lori blushes she turns red all over!
"This is the best time of the day," said Jo. "I sit out here and unwind. Cheese, this was one of your better ideas. How did you think of it?"
"I 'remembered' something I won't get to do in the future."
"What? You remembered something that doesn't happen?"
"Yes, in our future from our hometime, you volunteer me to go on an archaeology dig for a summer. It became something I did for 14 years. On one of the digs I noticed the sky was magnificant and hauled out a chair and watched it. The pit boss wondered what I was doing. I sat her in my chair, got another, picked up a couple of beers, and we sat there watching the sunset. Before the show was over, the whole crew was watching, including the professor. We did it every evening after dinner for the rest of the summer. After the summer was over the professor wrote about it in his report. the report was published in a little magazine, it got reprinted in Scientific American. The next year, every archaeology project on the planet was watching the sunset. People wrote to the Smithsonian about it. They researched it, found the professor, he told them about me. They flew me to Washington, interviewed me and the interview was played on the public television channel.
"One thing led to another and I had a series about really neat cheap things to do."
"You remembered all that? You hadn't done it when we were snatched? Don't you feel robbed?"
"Nope"
"Why not? I'd be pissed if I were you."
"I like how this ends better than how that ended."
"How did that life end?"
"You divorced me and I was unhappy for the rest of my life."
"I what!?!?"
"Divorced me, moved all the way across the country and I never saw you or our children again." By now I'm pretty choked up and crying. "This ending is much better, even though I don't know what it is. Anything is better than that."
"Oh Cheese, I love you."
"I love you too. We should get the dancing going."
"Oh, yeah. Right!"
"Oh! Really!" commented Lone Tree.