Shame

                                - an erotic story

             by Philogyst (philogyst@unforgettable.com) (c) 2001

** Thanks to Mary Jorsay Gandmar (maryjg@finebody.com) for her kind
words, encouragement, support, suggestions and comments and above all
for skillfully editing the story. If the story is any good, the credit is due to
her input. Any shortcomings are my own. **

>> Note : This story is purely fictional. Any resemblance to persons, living
or dead, is purely coincidental. <<





IN A RECENT EMAIL, I was asked if I'd ever met a "real female" through an
Internet service.  Frankly, it's something I've never really given much
thought. But the question, innocently asked and truthfully answered,
brought back the memories, fresh and vivid as though it was just
yesterday.

	Her name was Madhavi. It's a common enough name and I don't
suppose there's any harm using it, though it's not her real name, since I'm
not about to divulge anything more specific about her. She was 32 or so,
divorced and living alone in a one-bedroom apartment in one of Bombay's
northern suburbs. Her marriage ended, she later told me, the very first
night. She wouldn't talk about it, but I got the sense the guy was not just
totally twisted, but incapable, too. Perhaps one had something to do with
the other, I don't know and it didn't matter. I didn't ask further. They
separated in two days and divorced as soon as the law allowed. She left
the city for a few months till the mess sorted itself out and then returned,
joined an accountancy firm, got herself a small apartment in the suburbs
with the money from the divorce settlement. A little later she got a
computer, discovered the Internet and its darker side.

	That's how we met. I found her personal ad on one of the groups or
clubs, I forget which. It said she was a single lady interested in a one-on-
one relationship with a man, starting with an exploration of mutual likes
and dislikes over the Net. I don't know what drew me to that post. Perhaps
it was just her name, which I like very much, as much as 'Madhavi'.
Anyway, I wrote to her and we started an email correspondence, hesitantly
at first on both sides, and then with increasing candour. Her ad had
generated a flood of mail and she was fighting off some really aggressive
men.

	I took a different line, perhaps that's why it worked out for us. I didn't
ask her for her real name, address, telephone number, didn't doubt her
sincerity, didn't ask to meet, and always asked if I could unburden myself
before doing so. I told her about myself without hesitation.

	I'm 37, unmarried, Bombay-based with my own consulting firm. We're
small but well regarded and business has been good for some time now so
I'm financially quite secure. I live alone in a spacious apartment I inherited
from my parents, in an upmarket neighbourhood in south Bombay, at least
a couple of hours' drive from her place. I'm quite conservative in my
lifestyle, nothing flashy, no wild times with women. There are a couple of
ladies I see regularly but these are casual, no-strings affairs. I enjoy my
solitude.

	I told her all this. It seemed to draw her out. We got into the chat
rooms and on the instant messengers, a couple of hours a week. She told
me about her childhood in a small town outside Bombay, her family - that
she has a younger brother in college, that her father runs a small business
- and hinted, briefly, at her ended marriage. I told her I was sorry she'd
been through such a bad time and left it at that. A few days later she asked
if she could talk to me 'openly'. I asked if she wanted to do this by email or
on an instant messenger. She surprised me by saying she couldn't do it
except in person, not even over the telephone.

	I surprised myself by baulking. That seemed to frighten her and I
hastened to assure her that I was just surprised, that this was unexpected.
I felt her starting to retreat hastily and I knew I didn't want to lose the
chance. I hurried to make amends and agreed. I could sense her
nervousness and suggested we meet in a public place at first, perhaps for
lunch or dinner. She suggested dinner the following week at a place sort of
midway between our houses, and then gave me her phone number, and
asked me for mine.

	For a couple of days after that there was a silence, no email, chat,
phones. Finally, I put aside my trepidation and called the number she'd
given me.

	She had a lovely voice, low and soft with a hint of full-throated laughter
in it, a gentle, calm quality. The conversation was awkward, stiff and
stilted, till I took the plunge. I told her how much I was looking forward to
the meeting and I heard her suck in her breath, then heard the smile in her
voice when she said she was excited, too.

	We spoke daily after that, our excitement mounting. The day we were
to meet, I left work early, got home, showered, shaved again, dressed
carefully. I keep myself in pretty good shape, work out at the gym three
times a week, run six kilometres every other day, regularly swim and play
squash at the club. My body's fit and hard and I like to keep it that way. I
hate putting on weight.

	I set out through the mind-numbing traffic. It took me a good two hours
to get there but, luckily, I was there before her. We had a decent table by
a window in a sort of alcove so there was some privacy.

	I'd called ahead to make a reservation so the head steward knew my
name so when Madhavi came in five minutes later she was led straight to
the table. I rose to greet her and I remember that my heart skipped a beat
and I felt a stab of nervousness again.

	She was very pretty. She wasn't very tall, about five foot five, with a
smooth, dusky complexion. Her hair was dark, silky, drawn back in a
ponytail that hung to the middle of her back and held by a simple cotton
band. Her face was sweetly rounded, with a firm chin and lovely soft-lipped
mouth. There were a few small beauty spots on one cheek and at her
throat, something I found instantly enticing. Her eyes were large and dark,
lined with eye-black and alive and dancing. She smiled and it was a lovely,
genuine, warm smile that reached her eyes. I noticed that one of her side
teeth was slightly crooked, another thing I found attractive. Her body
looked trim, nicely curved without being voluptuous. She seemed to have
nice, full, high breasts and a decent figure. She wore a simple churidar and
kurta in off-white, the kurta with a high mandarin collar. I saw a glint of a
gold necklace under it. Her fingers were soft and slim in mine and I noticed
she wore a gold bangle on one wrist, a gold and diamond ring that
matched her earrings. Her left nostril was pierced with a small gold stud.

	Our table had one of those banquettes, a semi-circular sofa instead of
chairs and we sat by each other. We ordered our drinks, a beer for me, a
fruity cocktail for her. When the steward came around for our orders, she
told me she was a vegetarian and left the ordering to me. I kept it a simple
vegetarian meal and she nodded approval.

	The conversation was innocuous and totally forgettable, idle chitchat,
both of us skirting around the real purpose of our meeting. Slowly, we
relaxed, getting more comfortable with each other. When I asked her if she
was nervous she grinned and said yes, she was, wasn't I? I had to laugh
and I found myself drowning in those warm eyes.

	We had a second round of drinks, then the food came. We ate slowly,
taking our time. The coffee came and with it a little silence.

	"I really need to talk to you." Her voice was very soft.

	"Sure," I said. "Anytime."

	"Not here. It's too public. Somewhere private."

	I looked at her and asked her if she was sure. She looked down at her
cup, nodded slowly.

	"Yes," she said. "I'm sure. I don't know why, but I feel I can trust you."

	"Thank you," I said quietly and wondered why my pulse was skittering
like an infatuated schoolboy's.

	The steward came and asked if there would be anything else. I looked
at Madhavi and she shook her head. I asked for the bill and paid it. She
thanked me politely as I did so, I said she was welcome and we stepped
out. The night was cool and pleasant, Bombay's so-called winter already in
the air. I knew she didn't have a car and, without asking, led her to where
I'd parked.

	Her house was not ten minutes away, in a huge, terrifically ugly
complex of tall concrete matchboxes, about ten of them clustered around a
large open space with a lawn, kiddie's playground and parking space. Her
tower was set back from the road. I pulled into the visitor's lot and killed
the engine. She didn't open her door immediately.

	"Would you like a coffee? Can you come in?" She wasn't looking at me.

	I said I'd be happy to and we got out and rode up to her eleventh floor
apartment. There were many apartments to each floor and we walked
down a long corridor to her door. She let us in.

	Her apartment surprised me. It was just one bedroom with an attached
bath, a small kitchen, an open space that served as a foyer, living room
and dining room all in one. But it was superbly done, with an impeccable
eye for space and light and colour. She'd kept the furniture low and the
colours light so it looked a lot larger than it really was. There was a small
glass topped dining table with four chairs, a pair of light cane armchairs
with plump cushions and a wide low divan in the living area. Opposite the
front door, the living room opened out through folding doors into a long
balcony that gave an unparalleled view across the surviving mangroves to
the sea beyond. The lighting was subdued, yet even. Her upholstery was in
subtle pastels with splashes of colour from cushions and a throw rug. The
bedroom held a large, low bed, two closets and a compact dressing table.

	"Milk and sugar?" she asked.

	"Black, if it's not a problem."

	"No problem," Madhavi set, going into the kitchen. "I'm afraid it's
instant."

	"That's fine."

	I heard her in the kitchen as I wandered out to the balcony, trying to
get the night to cool the flush in my body. There was a small wrought iron
table and chair on the deck.

	"This is a lovely place," I said.

	"Yes, I got lucky," she answered from the kitchen. "My father got it for
me."

	"Yes, you mentioned that."

	"See, the builder owed him some money, so he just adjusted the loan
against the place and gave us first choice. I saw many of the places and
liked this the best. It's small, but it does for me."

	"It's perfect, and you've done it very well."

	"Thanks." She came out with a small wooden tray and two mugs of
coffee, handed me mine. "Okay?"

	"Fine," I said, sipping it.

	She smiled and again I felt bewitched by those eyes, by that smile.

	"It's probably the size of your bathroom," she giggled.

	I grinned. "Something like that. I was lucky too. Inherited the place."

	She joined me at the balcony and leaned on the slender flat rail, looking
out at the distant white caps of the sea. "I like the view and the breeze,"
she murmured. "I often sleep with the doors open like this."

	"It's wonderful," I said. "No noise and you can actually hear the sea."

	"That's what I love."

	She was very close to me and I could smell her perfume, a low,
lemony, curiously enticing aroma. She took a step back and I turned
around, leaned my elbows on the rail, enjoying the loveliness of her face.

	"So what do you think?" she asked.

	"About what?"

	"Meeting me in person. After all those months on email. Am I what you
expected?"

	"I didn't expect anything, Madhavi."

	She smiled, tilted her head to one side. "I did," she said. "And you're
everything I expected and more."

	I felt embarrassed, muttered a thanks and she grinned, mischief in her
eyes.

	"Do you find me attractive?"

	This was it. The moment of truth. I reached up and put my hand
against her cheek. "Yes," I said softly. "I do. I find you very beautiful and
lovely and attractive and sexy."

	"All of that?" she laughed again, softly.

	"Yes. All of that."

	The smile went away and she took my coffee mug and set it on the
table and stepped closer to me. I put my hands on her waist and pulled her
closer. Her head bent and then we kissed and it was incredible. Her lips
were soft and moist and warm and the kiss was gentle and long and
undemanding. We stopped, then kissed again and this time the longing and
desire was more apparent and I felt her tongue coming between my lips,
her warm body pressing against mine. I could feel the weight of her
breasts on my chest.

	The fires erupted and we stumbled into the living room, knocking over
an armchair, finding the divan, tearing at each other's clothes, kissing
feverishly. Her body was lovely, the breasts as I had imagined them, full
and high and round with lovely long nipples which were hard. Her belly was
firm, slightly curved. Her limbs were smooth and slim and she had a nice
sexy butt. Her skin was smooth and silky and firm. She wore a gold
necklace. My cock was bursting, throbbing and hot and when her fingers
curled around it, I gasped and cried out. She was wet and ready and I
entered her quickly and when I did she arched hard under me, her mouth
opening wide. Her cunt was hot and wet and very tight and it squeezed
down tight on my cock. I sucked on her breasts, and she gasped, kissing
me, going "Yes, oh yes, yes," as I began to fuck her quickly and hard,
thrusting my cock deeply in and out of her body.

	There was a wild hunger in both of us and we couldn't get enough of
each other. She moved with me, moving her hips up and down under
mine, moaning and gasping in pleasure. The heat and fever was devouring
us. I moved faster and faster and then I stopped and she cried out and
clung to me, tried to bring me back inside her but I resisted and, instead,
split her thighs open and pushed my face into her groin. Her pussy hair
was nicely trimmed and her lips were open and wet and when I pushed my
tongue into her Madhavi moaned and hissed and put her hands on her
breasts. I tongue-fucked her for a long time enjoying the taste of her juices
till she had enough and pushed my head away.

	She made me sit up on the sofa and came over me, kissing me, then
moving down to my lap and took my cock in her mouth. It was fantastic. In
the weeks ahead I was to discover just how much she loved oral sex and
how good she was at it. But this was my first experience with her and it
was a revelation. Her mouth was warm and wet and she used her tongue
like a snake. She kept switching between an intense sucking pressure to a
lighter, licking touch, a kiss on the head of my tool, caressing her face and
breasts with it, then going back o sucking again. I watched her sucking me
off and there was no doubt that it was turning her on because she was
caressing her breasts sexily, squeezing them and tugging at her nipples. I
saw her move her hand between her legs and she began to masturbate
herself gently. It was one of the sexiest things to see.

	This was a totally different Madhavi from the one I'd met for dinner and
earlier on email. The hesitant, gentle, quiet woman was gone and, instead,
she was now like a wild, starved animal, with a ferocious, burning sexual
desire.

	She was open and totally uninhibited. When I pushed her head away
from my cock at last, she stood up and took my hand and pulled me to my
feet. We kissed again and when our bodies pressed together I could feel
her wetness. She stepped back to the glass dining table and lay down on
her back on it. Without asking, she spread her legs wide for me.

	Standing between her open thighs, I pushed my cock slowly into her
pussy and again gasped at her heat and tightness. I started fucking her
again, keeping her thighs open in my hands. She moaned loudly when I
entered her and her eyes closed and her hands went up to her breasts. I
started fucking her slowly, pushing my cock in and out of her cunt, going in
as deep as I could. Her body jerked with my deep thrusts. Gradually I
began to move faster and faster and she began to cry out with sharp little
gasps and moans and her tits jiggled and bounced.

	This time it was she who made me slow down after a little while and
then she got off the table and we stumbled through her little house to the
bedroom, knocking things over as we went, kissing and fondling each
other.

	She wanted to suck me again, and I let her have her way. I gasped and
called out my pleasure and excitement when she went down on her knees
on the floor and took my cock in her mouth. She sucked my cock hard and I
could hear her groaning softly. She lifted and squeezed her breasts as she
sucked me. A while later, I pushed her head back and moved her to the
bed where we rolled over into a 69 with her on top and yet again I licked
and lapped at her streaming, juicy slit while she took my cock deep in her
mouth again.

	When she was ready, she turned on her front and lifted her body up. I
understood her need and knelt behind her and slowly pushed my cock into
her cunt. She cried out in pleasure and lifted her head and I kissed her and
squeezed her breasts. Her cunt was squeezing madly on my cock. I began
fucking her slowly with long and deep thrusts, pushing my cock in as far as
possible. She moaned softly and moved beneath my body. I began to use
faster strokes and soon I was fucking her with quick thrusts and her cries
had become quite loud. Her cunt tightened on my cock and I sensed she
was having her orgasm. Her body shook and trembled with ecstasy joy
under mine. I kept on thrusting into her body till I couldn't bear it any more
and spent myself inside her.

	 We lay together for a little while and I thought she had fallen asleep. I
wondered if I should stay or go. I didn't know what she wanted. Her body
was half across mine and I couldn't slip out of bed without waking her up,
so I lay there, thinking about her and how wonderful the sex with her had
been.

	She stirred in my arms and I felt her lips on my cheek and her fingers
traced sensual patterns on my chest.

	"Thank you," she whispered. "I enjoyed that very much."

	"So did I," I told her and we kissed again and this time it was long and
gentle.

	"I should go," I said after a while, and it was meant as a question.

	"No, please stay," she answered in a tender voice. "I want you to stay."

	A little later, we went out into the hall again. She had put on a long
shirt with the top three or four buttons open but wore nothing under it. She
looked very sexy. I was wearing only my trousers. She went into the
kitchen to make fresh coffee and I stood at the door and watched her. She
was humming to herself. She gave me a mug and brought her own mug
out into the hall. We sat down on the divan where a little while ago we had
been wildly making love. She moved closer to me and put her head on my
shoulder.

	I reminded her that she had said she wanted to talk to me and asked if
she felt like doing so now. For a little while she was silent and then she
said yes in a soft voice and fell silent again. I did not hurry her. We finished
our coffee and still I waited. And then, in a soft voice and without looking at
me, she confided in me.

	Today, I cannot recall the exact words but what she related to me is
still vivid and clear in my memory. She came from a small town to the
south where she grew up in a large family of cousins and relatives. She
was one of the few girls in the family who were encouraged to study and
make a career for themselves and that was because of the support from
her parents, mostly her father, who believed in treating his son and
daughter equally. As a result she enjoyed more freedom than her other girl
cousins and after finishing school, applied for admission to a college in a
city to the south east of and midway between her home town and Bombay.
She enjoyed college and had many friends and also had her first sexual
experience there with another college student. She enjoyed the sex but it
was nothing incredible and she did it, according to her, because there was
some peer-group pressure to give in. But her boyfriend was kind and also
experienced and taught her how to enjoy sex fully. They dated for two or
three years and Madhavi was sure she was in love with him and wanted to
marry him.

	But they came from different communities and castes and both of them
were subjected to pressure from their families who had come to know of
the relationship. They were unable to resist this pressure and were forced
to break up. It was a heartbreak for her and it affected her grades.
Somehow she managed to get through. It was more difficult because both
of them were still in the same college and also had common classes to
attend.

	Back at home even her father could not resist the family and social
pressure for very long and he had to agree that after finishing college a
suitable bridegroom should be found for her. Madhavi wanted to continue
studying and become a qualified accountant. There were arguments at
home and finally it was agreed that she would get married to a groom of
the family's choice immediately after she obtained her license to practice.
This agreement gave Madhavi a couple of more years.

	She went back to the city where she secured an apprenticeship with an
accountancy firm and got a place to stay in a working-women's hostel. Her
boyfriend had by then left the city and gone away. For her, it was a lonely
life and though she had several friends she missed the emotional and
physical aspects of her previous relationship with a man. Fortunately, she
was able to strike up a friendship with a young man in the firm who was
older than her but unmarried. He was already a qualified accountant and
he took a special interest in her. It started as a casual friendship and later
they started dating. She did not tell him about her previous affair nor did
she confess that she was eager to resume having sex out of fear that he
would break off the relationship. However when he tried to persuade her to
sleep with him she put up only a token resistance. For her it was deeply
satisfying and joyful after a long break.

	Her new lover was older than her and had his own little flat so they
enjoyed privacy. Madhavi used to stay over at his place sometimes and on
most weekends. She felt happy and secure and liked to behave like she
was the woman of the house and enjoyed looking after it. She took care to
hide her past experience from him but continued to have sex with him
regularly for the remaining time of her apprenticeship. This time she was
careful to conceal the knowledge of her relationship from others knowing
that there would be trouble in her family if she was again suspected of
having an affair. All the same, she was sure she was not in love with the
young man and she did not pressurize him for a commitment. A few
months before her final examinations she took leave from the firm to study
and spent most of the days at his house. He helped her with her studies
and they had sex every night and on the weekends.

	After the examinations came the dreaded time when she had to keep
her promise to her family. She had explained this to her lover and although
he was very unhappy about it he did not subject her to his demands. He
offered to marry her but she was sure it would be the same trouble as
before and had to turn him down. Their parting was bittersweet and she
cried in his arms on the last night and they made love all night long. The
next day she left the city forever.

	Meanwhile her family had found a suitable bridegroom for her and
when she returned she was introduced to him. He came for a respected
and well-to-do family who had a flourishing business in the town. He had a
college degree and was now running the family business. Physically, he
was also quite attractive. The match was acceptable to all concerned and
the marriage was arranged in a few weeks. Madhavi got busy with the
preparations for the marriage and spending time with her relatives.

	The truth about her bridegroom emerged only on the wedding night.
There was no indication beforehand of the horror that lay in store. While
she was relating this part Madhavi's voice had become very soft and then
began to shake as tears came to her eyes and rolled down her cheeks. I
held her to my side as she spoke.

	She had no warning of what lay in store for her. In the traditional
manner, she waited in the bridal chamber in all her wedding finery for her
new bridegroom. The nuptial bed was lavishly decorated and strewn with
rose petals and the room was fragrant with the scent of fresh jasmine
flowers. Madhavi had enjoyed the ceremonies and functions and was quite
excited about the new chapter in her life.

	Then the door burst open and her new husband entered the room and
the nightmare began.

	He was not alone. He had brought four of his friends. Her husband was
raving drunk. Madhavi was terrified when she saw the men. She did not
know what to do. The three guys were leering at her lewdly. One of them
locked the door. Her husband was holding a bottle of liquor and drinking
straight from it. He told her to drink, too and when she refused he grabbed
her and forced the bottle to her mouth. The harsh liquor made her choke
and retch. The men laughed loudly.

	The man she had just married ripped her wedding sari from her
shoulder leaving her standing in her blouse with the sari hanging around
her waist. In full view of his mates he grabbed her breast and squeezed it
hard, and laughed and ordered her to strip. She cried out and tried to
struggle and resist. He slapped her hard across the face again and again.
Her lip got cut. The man ripped open her blouse and tore off her bra so
that she was half naked in front of them all. When she tried to cover
herself he slapped her hands away and told her to behave herself or else
he would burn her with a lit cigarette. Madhavi was terrified and she
backed away. She knew what lay in store for her.

	Her bridegroom grabbed her by the hair and dragged her to the middle
of the room and turned her around to face the other men, keeping her
hands bent behind her so that her naked breasts were thrust out. He asked
his mates if they liked his new slut. Madhavi was crying in fear and shame
now but she was helpless. The man pulled off her sari, laughing, while the
other men cheered till she was totally naked. He would not even let her
cover her pubis. He told her she had nothing to be ashamed of because
they were his best friends and they had no secrets from each other. From
childhood they had shared everything and now they would also share the
pleasure of her body. Then he threatened her, saying that it was her duty
as his wife to satisfy his friends and guests and it was her duty as his wife
to make sure that all their needs were met.

	Madhavi saw that the other guys were like hungry animals and they had
begun to take off their clothes. She opened her mouth to scream and
immediately her husband hit her again and held her tight and grabbed a
cigarette from his friend and brought it near her nipple. He warned her
again not to scream and it was only when she nodded in submission that
he released her. Mocking her, he offered her openly to his friends for their
pleasure and pushed her down to her knees in front of one of them.

	All four men raped her on her wedding night. They fucked her again
and again as they pleased. Madhavi had no experience of anal sex, let
alone group sex and it was a brutal, terrifying experience when one of
them thrust his cock into her butt and another man made her suck his cock
at the same time. All the while her bridegroom looked on and laughed and
only after all his mates had their fill of her flesh many hours later did he
fuck her hard from behind.

	They left her at last and went away, all five of them to continue their
drinking. Madhavi was in shock, bleeding profusely with bruises all over her
face and body. It was a miracle that she had survived and an even greater
miracle that she managed to put on some clothes and escape from her in-
laws' house while everyone else was still asleep. Her own parents' house
was not far away and she half-ran and half-stumbled through the dark
streets to it. Her mother had been weeping on her daughter's departure to
a new house and she opened the door to the loud bell and hammering on
the door. When she saw her daughter there and the state in which she
was she collapsed in shock. Her father and brother came running out. They
all understood what had happened even as Madhavi wept and wept in her
mother's arms. Her father cried like a child and her brother picked up a big
garden scythe and was about to rush out of the house when others
stopped him.

	The incident destroyed her father completely. He blamed himself for
giving in to the family pressure and he blamed the family for their stupid
code that had wrecked his daughter's happiness. He was in a towering
rage and got violent when someone suggested that they should try and
make peace and come to an understanding by which Madhavi would return
to her in-laws. Her father would not permit it and said he would kill his
entire family before he permitted anything of the sort. Finally somebody
had the sense to rush her to hospital.

	Although the groom's family was wealthy and occupied a high social
station Madhavi's father was unafraid. He woke up the family lawyer. In the
end nobody filed any criminal case. The lawyer told them that under Indian
law her groom could not be convicted of rape because they were married.
The other four men could be accused and her husband could be an
accomplice. But she would have to undergo an examination at a
government hospital and later she would have to face cross-examination in
court when the matter of her previous affair in college was bound to be
raked up and she would be accused of being immoral. Their lawyer would
make her feel cheap in front of the whole courtroom. Her father was
furious at hearing all this but then calmed down and wiser counsel
prevailed.

	It took Madhavi many days to be discharged from hospital and for many
weeks she did not stir out of her room. She lost weight and became pale
and weak and wept all the time. She was in constant terror and fear as the
psychological wounds were very deep. Her parents and brother kept her
shielded from all that was happening. Her in-laws had come to demand her
back and had accused her of being unworthy and incapable of satisfying
their precious son who was according to them perfect in all respects. They
taunted her father and accused him of breaking his word and being
faithless and demanded back all the gifts given at the wedding ceremony.
Finally they threatened to ruin him, his business and the family reputation.
Madhavi's father did not yield. He threw the money and gifts back at them,
which they never expected, and told them to go to hell and try their worst.
His daughter would not set foot in their house and nor would any member
of his family. As to the matter of reputation he retaliated in kind by
assuring them that he would see to it that henceforth no man in the city
would consent to his daughter marrying their son. He would expose them
in public and in the press, he threatened, since his own family's reputation
had been totally ruined he had nothing to lose.

	The fighting went on for many weeks and finally the groom's family
backed down when they realized how the whole town was looking down on
them and their son and his behaviour and they never called her father's
bluff for he would never have gone public since it would have damaged
Madhavi and her family for all time. The family lawyer was able to
persuade the groom's family's lawyer to agree to a divorce as soon as the
law allowed it to happen.

	Madhavi recovered very slowly but she was not the same. Her parents
were full of worry. It was finally her father who brought her back to a
steady track by spending long hours with her, consoling her and talking to
her, taking her on outings and slowly drawing her out of her shell. It took a
long time, and almost a full year went by. Then it was also he who
suggested that she should go to Bombay and start a career on her own.
Madhavi was still not ready for this and it took many weeks for her to
agree. Her father contacted a builder to whom he had lent money some
time back and it was agreed that the loan could be repaid by taking a flat in
a new building. Then her parents and brother came with her to Bombay
where they stayed with some relatives for a few weeks till the flat was
made ready. In the meantime, her father also used his influence to get her
a job in a small but prospering accountancy firm.

	Madhavi moved into the flat and for some time they all stayed together.
Her brother left first since he was still in college and then her father left to
look after the business. Madhavi cried for a long time after he went. Her
mother stayed back for a few months till Madhavi got fully settled.

	Slowly she found some inner reservoir of strength and from that she
rebuilt her life. She threw herself into her work, which she was good at
and her efforts were appreciated in her firm with increases in salary. Her
confidence built up and in her own words she found some happiness and
the ability to laugh. She began to make friends at her workplace. After
some time when her mother asked her permission to return to their
hometown, Madhavi was confident enough to agree and said she would be
able to look after herself. She was also able to save money and began to
add little things to the house. For a few months she enjoyed living on her
own.

	Then began the next phase of her life as she slowly blocked out the
memory of that terrible night and came to terms with her own needs and
sexuality. Still she was fearful and haunted and it took a long time for her
to acknowledge to herself that she had sexual needs and even more time
to accept that she was healthy and prepared enough to venture into it. It
was difficult at first and she contented herself with masturbation and
fantasy. When she acquired a computer of her own at home and got onto
the Internet it became easier and she began to crave for a man's touch.

	It may sound strange but, in Bombay, for a woman living alone to find a
lover is at the same time very difficult and extremely easy. It is difficult
because there is a social appearance to be maintained and the woman
cannot be openly seen with single men or her reputation is 'sullied'. As it
was Madhavi was in a delicate position simply by being on her own and this
often raised silent questions about her. But there is no shortage in the city
of willing men eager for sex as she soon found out. She was convinced
that she did not want any sort of commitment but was interested only in
the purely physical aspects of the relationship. Cautiously she began to
explore. To me, she described it like being blind and groping her way in
sudden darkness though familiar surroundings.

	Her first lover in her new home was a married man from her firm. He
was the youngest partner and, according to her description, was handsome
and ambitious and dashing. He wanted to make his firm one of the best in
the city. He had plenty of contacts and it was he who was responsible for a
steep increase in the firm's billing. His married life was however unhappy
because his wife had conventional ideas that the purpose of sex was to
have children. With one son already and another on the way their sex life
had come to a total halt. Madhavi was assigned to his division and they
spent many hours together on different assignments. Sometimes they also
had to stay late at the office. It was there in fact that he kissed her for the
first time and made his advances. She found the touch exciting and it
brought out something in her that had been hidden for a long time. The
feeling made her desire real sex but she did not want to come across as
too available so she did not make a further move. But, at the same time,
she did not resist.

	The affair started in earnest after that and he took her out to dinner
frequently and to movies and shows. They kissed and fondled in his car
and she allowed him to feel her breasts and her response when he
touched her. They had sex for the first time at his house while his wife was
away at her parents' place. Madhavi was nervous at first and he thought it
was because of inexperience. But she quickly overcame the hesitation and
relaxed. The first sex after such a long gap was intense and deeply
satisfying.

	For many months after that the affair continued. They spent some
weekends at a hill resort near Bombay and also at a beach place where
they locked themselves in and had prolonged sex. Madhavi realized that
though she did not feel more than affection for him she was nonetheless
eager for the sex.

	Their time together decreased after his wife gave birth and returned
home a few weeks later from her mother's place with the infant. It was not
possible for them to meet so frequently any more. Madhavi became
restless and started thinking of taking another lover.

	Her next lover was the son of a major client of the firm. Madhavi was
part of the team that was involved in some on-site work for the client. The
particular project was being handled by the client's CEO's son. He was 25
or so and much younger than her but he was very sexy with a good body.
They went out to a lunch party in a big gang and she sat next to him. When
he pressed his leg against hers and put her hand on her thigh she did not
move away. He got bolder and later asked her out on a dinner date to
which she agreed. He picked her up from her house in his car and they
went out to a fancy restaurant. She enjoyed the evening, as he was good
company being cheerful and intelligent and good at conversation. On the
way back he took a detour by a lonely road along the seashore and then
parked the car in a small lane leading to the beach. They sat for some time
and she did not resist when he put his arm around her and pulled her
closer to him. She allowed him to kiss her and then did not resist when he
slipped his hand into her shirt and fondled her breast. In a short while they
had moved to the backseat of the car where they had sex. It was her first
experience of sex in a car and she found it very exciting and erotic. She
remembered quite clearly how sitting in the back seat she had bent over
and given him a long blowjob. They had sex with her on top and she was
pleased to find that he had a strong body and a fairly large penis. The sex
was excellent and then they had laughed together recalling how the car
had squeaked with the bouncing caused by their motions.

	For some time Madhavi continued to see both lovers and kept each one
in the dark about the other. The dual life was thrilling for her. In any case,
her boss wasn't able to spend much time with her on account of his wife
and kids, so there wasn't much tension to bother her. Both affairs cooled
off on their own, and now Madhavi didn't mind very much. She was quite
sure that what she wanted was sexual pleasure and not a lasting
relationship. That made things easier for her in many ways. Over the next
several months, she took a succession of lovers. There was a young
apprentice from the firm with whom she enjoyed passionate sex for a
while, and, later, a teenager from the building across the yard. Basically,
all she wanted was a warm, hard body to satisfy her.

	It was well past midnight when she finished. I couldn't understand why
she had told me all this and I asked her point blank, yet gently. She sighed
and slowly moved away from me and got up. She opened her shirt and let
it fall to her feet. Naked, she went out on to the balcony, and put out her
hand behind her without looking back, signalling to me. She looked
incredibly sexy framed against the dark sky. The wind ruffled her dark hair.
I got up and dropped my underpants and went to join her, my cock already
hardening just looking at her. When I came up to her, she took my cock in
her hand and leaned back against my chest, closing her eyes. I caressed
her breasts gently. They became tight and heavy and her nipples grew
hard.

	"I like having sex out in the open air," she said to me.

	For some time we remained in that position while she jerked me off
slowly. Then she turned around and without a word went down on her
knees in front of me and slowly too my cock in her mouth. I was sexy to be
sucked off in the open air. Now I knew where she had gained experience in
cock-sucking and sex. But right then I didn't concern myself with all that but
only enjoyed the feeling of her tongue and mouth on my cock. When I
looked down I saw that she was fondling her breasts slowly, lifting and
squeezing them and pulling her long nipples. I grew more excited.

	After some time she stood up and again turned her back to me and,
leaning on the balcony railing, pushed her buttocks back at me and spread
her legs wide open.

	"Come on. Take me," she said softly.

	I wanted to taste her juicy pussy and I kneeled behind her and pushed
my face up between her thighs. I heard her moaning and she moved her
hand down her belly, spreading her cunt-lips open for my tongue. I pushed
it in deep, tasting the aromatic nectar of her cunt. Her legs trembled and
she gasped and her moans became louder. I pushed one finger into her
cunt, right up to the knuckle and her body became stiff and she grabbed
my wrist, keeping my finger inside her. Her moans became louder.

	"Quickly! Now! Fuck me!" she gasped.

	I got up and stood behind her, pushing my cock between her legs. She
was ready for me, wet and open and my cock went in smoothly, all the
way. She flung her head back and I leaned forward to kiss her hard,
squeezing her breasts in both hands. Her hands were tight on the railing
and her cunt was squeezing my cock. I started fucking her, holding her
waist and moving my hips back and forth, pushing my cock in and out of
her cunt. Madhavi was gasping and moaning in excitement and begging me
to fuck her harder. Her words aroused and excited me and I responded in
kind.

	She began to orgasm and I moved even faster and harder, ramming
my cock deep into her cunt and making her cry out. My hands crushed her
breasts. I let her orgasm pass and continued stroking in and out of her but
held myself back. I wanted to enjoy her some more. Now all that she had
told me started forming images in my head and, despite the fact that it was
a story of sorrow and shame, I began to feel aroused. In my mind's eye, I
saw her having sex with different men, even strangers, more than one
man at a time. I saw her body writhing and twisting between their bodies
and her face twisting in excitement and arousal. I imagined the sight of
seeing her suck one man while another took her from behind in her cunt or
even in her asshole. I did not know if she had tried that. But now the
thoughts and my imagination excited me tremendously.

	She somehow sensed my mood and tension and when I slid my cock
out of her, she turned around and pressed her body against mine.

	"What do you want?" she whispered to me. "Tell me what you want."

	And then I saw the tears shining in her eyes.

	An icy hand gripped my heart and I lost all my arousal.

	"Nothing," I said softly. "I want nothing from you, Madhavi. Nothing at
all."

	"Are you sure?" she said in a trembling voice. "You can have me again
in any way you like.  I don't mind."

	"No," I said and kissed her gently, caressing her. "I don't want to take
anything from you, Madhavi."

	She bowed her head against my chest and I could feel her tears on my
skin. Her voice was soft and muffled when she spoke.

	"So many," she said. "There were so many. And they just took and took
and took from me. And I gave them what they wanted but they never
stopped to think about me. They all thought I wanted what they wanted.
But it was never like that."

	Now her tears were a flood and her body was shaking with her sobs. I
held her close to me, soothing her, stroking her hair, pressing my lips to
her head. Gradually, she calmed down. We stood for a long while in the
balcony, in the cool night, silent together. At last she stepped away from
me. I watched as she pulled off her hair clip, held it between her lips,
shook her hair, tilted her head back, pulled her hair back, gave it a little
twist and then fastened the clip again.

	"You must be hungry," she said softly, rising on her toes and giving me
a quick kiss on the cheek. "Come, I'll make some sandwiches or
something."

	She started to go past me but I stopped her and turned her around and
pulled her close to me and kissed her, gently but deeply. She returned the
embrace without hesitation. This time there was no lust but there was
much desire, much longing, and, above all, deep tenderness.

	"Let me do it," I said. "I'm quite good in the kitchen."

	Madhavi looked up and her eyes sparkled in that infectious smile. "Not
just in the kitchen, apparently."

	I grinned. "You go on in. I'll make something."

	"Will you find what you need?"

	"I'm good at exploring."

	She giggled. "So it seems."

	I slapped her gently on her naked butt and she turned and went into the
bedroom. I watched her go, heard her go into the bathroom and heard the
water running. For a minute I stood in the balcony, looking out at the
darkness, trying to sort out my emotions and feelings. No other woman I
had been with before had made me feel like this. It wasn't pity. She didn't
pity herself and didn't ask for it from me, neither pity nor even sympathy. It
was a totally different feeling. My image and impressions of her had
changed, too. Now she seemed frighteningly lonely. But there was
something else also. It was as if she felt ashamed.

	She had nothing to be ashamed of, as far as I could make out. She had
done no wrong. Yet it seemed as if her heart and soul had been torn out,
ripped up and destroyed by other men, leaving an empty shell deep within.
She was trying, I felt, to fill that void. Slowly, she was coming to terms
with herself and her terrible past. She had allowed others, as she said, to
take from her. Now she needed to be the recipient, to have someone else
give as she had given. She had chosen me, or maybe I had let myself be
chosen. Whatever it was. Above all, I knew a feeling of warmth and a deep
joy like I had never felt before.

	In the hall, I turned on her stereo system and selected a disc, some
gentle instrumental easy listening. Humming to the tune, I went into the
kitchen and started poking around.

	I was in luck. I found almost everything I needed. I've lived alone for so
long that rustling up something quick and tasty has never been a problem
for me. I found some mushrooms, tomatoes, garlic, a small bottle of olive
oil and, best of all, some fresh basil. I chopped up the garlic. I set a large,
deep pan on the burner, threw in a generous wad of butter and began to
sauté the garlic. When it was done, I put in the washed, sliced mushrooms,
covered the pan and let it simmer. Meanwhile, I diced three large tomatoes
and cut up the basil. After a while, the mushrooms were soft and had
released their water. I tossed in the basil and stirred the pan till the basil
was nicely mixed up. I emptied the pan into a large glass bowl, tossed in
the diced tomatoes, drizzled it with olive oil, a squeeze of fresh lime, a little
salt and pepper and mixed it up. I set the bowl in a tray with two smaller
bowls and forks and brought it out.

	Madhavi came out of the shower into the hall. Her hair was wrapped up
in a thick white towel but she was otherwise nude.

	"Oh my, that smells wonderful!" she said as I put the tray on the dining
table.

	"So do you," I laughed. "Tell you what. You eat the salad, I eat you.
Deal?"

	"You're a sex maniac," she laughed. "Nothing doing. We both eat."

	She loved my little warm salad. We ate together and after we were
done, I cleared the table. She told me to leave the dishes; the part-time
servant would clean them the next day. I rinsed them nonetheless and
stacked them neatly in the sink.

	She was lying in bed with the covers up. I slid in beside her and she
immediately turned to me, came into my arms. I kissed her and rolled her
on her back. Her eyes were dark and sombre.

	"You asked me why I told you all that about myself," she said.

	I kissed her and stopped her from saying any more. "I don't need an
answer to that any more," I said. "I know."

	"I know you know," she said softly. "Thank you."

	"Don't say that."

	"It's been a long time since I had anyone to say that to," she said. "It
feels right."

	"That's the best part, isn't it?" I smiled. "How it all feels right?"

	"No," she said quietly. "What feels right is that till last evening, I didn't
know you and you didn't know me. It feels right that I was right in feeling I
could trust you. It's been really long since I felt like that about anyone."

	I had nothing to say to that and she didn't expect an answer. She
moved under me, and her lips were soft and open under mine and her
hand was between my legs.

	For the first time that night, we made love. We didn't just fuck, we
actually made love. It was intense, long and deeply satisfying. Our orgasms
were explosive and sharp and she clung to me as I took her again and
again and again, making her gasp and moan in unashamed joy.





WE ARE STILL LOVERS, SHE AND I. We meet two or three times a week,
either at her place or mine. Sometimes she stays over, sometimes I do.
We go to movies and dinners and plays and parties together and everyone
thinks of us as a couple now. We enjoy each other's company. The sex is
great and we've experimented, found new things. I enjoy watching her
masturbate, and she likes doing it. I confessed to her that I was aroused by
the idea of watching her have sex with another man and we experimented
with group sex a few times. But that was just an idle fancy, to satisfy the
lust of the moment. Invariably, we wind up alone together, enjoying our
nights.

	There has been some loose talk at her office, but she doesn't let that
bother her at all. She has told her parents and family that she is seeing
me. I met her family. I could sense the resistance, but her father put up a
brave front and, after a while, he relaxed and we got along famously.
They're really very fine people. Sometimes it seems like I speak to her
father and brother more often than she does. No one asks about marriage
any longer and though we've discussed it, we don't see any urgency.

	"He has promised to marry me when I am 65," she teased her mother
once and everyone laughed, even her father and brother.

	A few months ago, her father was in town on work. He stayed at my
place, which is larger and more convenient for his business. Late one
evening, we went out for a walk, just he and I. Madhavi was at home.

	"Promise me one thing," her father said to me.

	"Certainly, sir," I replied.

	"Promise me that you will look after my daughter always. I am not
asking you to marry her. Just look after her."

	"Sir, you do not need to ask that from me."

	"But I do ask it. She has known too much unhappiness in her life."

	"Yes. She has. But that is in the past. It's over. And I would rather die
than add to what she has already suffered."

	Her father stopped and looked at me. "Does it trouble you? Upset you?
Knowing all that happened with her, all that she did?"

	"No, sir, it does not," I said quietly. "It never has, not from the first day
she told me, and she told me on the first day."

	"That is all I needed to hear," he said. "Thank you."

	"Sir?" I asked.

	"Yes?"

	"You just said 'all that she did'. With respect, sir, it is wrong to say that.
What did she do? She did no wrong, she did nothing wrong. She was the
wronged person. Let me also tell you sir, that if I felt like that, I would not
be here still because then it would be a case of staying out of pity or
sympathy. What Madhavi and I share is not pity. It is a friendship, trust and
respect. That is our understanding of love, both hers and mine. It is
something she may have had once, but which she lost. I hope she has
found it again with me. I have certainly found it with her. In a simple word,
sir, she is my life. And so I do not think there is anything she 'did' in that
sense. She did nothing shameful. She has nothing to be ashamed of."

	We were standing by the sea and the air was still and warm. There
was a full moon out and in its pale light, I saw the tears shining on the old
man's cheeks.

	"Forgive me," he said. "You're right. She has nothing to be ashamed of.
Nothing at all."



                                 ~~~~~ E N D ~~~~~


This is my first attempt at writing an erotic story and it has taken me a long
time to finish. It would never have been completed except for the support
from Mary Jorsay Gandmar. I give thanks to her in full. I would appreciate
your comments and responses. Please send email to
philogyst@unforgettable.com