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My life's history is like many others. Still, it is very special for me because it is mine. My first memory of a sexual experience occurred when l was a child. I dont remember if he was a relative or a family friend. l just remember what happened. We were in an almost empty movie theater and he took his cock out and placed my hand on it. l was choked looking at this enormous thing and he put his hand over mine and made me masturbate him, l dont know if this had an influence later in my life, My adolescence was like any normal one following the traditions in Latin countries and l had my first sexual experience at fourteen, It was with a fat woman who kept reading her magazine while l was trying to have my first orgasm, It wasnt a gratifying experience, Then l started having girlfriends and really enjoyed sex with them, But, l had a fetish, l kept her soiled panties, telling myself it was a souvenir of my conquers, But when l was alone l put them on and masturbated imagining l was the girl who wore the panties, l thought of myself as a straight macho man but something was going to happen, There was a guy younger than me who was always trying to be with me, l thought he wanted to be my friend until one day he confessed he was in love with me and wanted me to be the first man in his life. At first l was mad but deep in my mind l got excited and l told myself that if l did it, l was going to be the man and he the sissy. So, l had sex with him and l had the most intense orgasm in my life. We saw each other for about a year until l moved to another city and never saw him again. l kept having girlfriends but the temptation was there. l was still not allowed to go to bars or adult theaters but l was looking. One-day l was at a baseball game when a man next to me started chatting with me. After the game he offered a ride home and l accepted. On the way back he rubbed his leg against my leg and that got me excited. He asked me if l want to go to his home to watch a movie and l said yes. Once there he put on a gay movie and undressed. He had an erection and l was getting one myself. Then he undressed me and started sucking me. l came in a matter of seconds and he ate my cum. Then he grabbed my legs by the ankles and raised them. l just let him do it and l felt his cock pushing at my virgin hole very hard. It was painful and l tried to push him back but he was stronger than me. I let out a cry out when he succeeded in pushing his cock inside me. He fucked me for a while and then he turned me over on my stomach, laid himself on top of me, slid it back in and, after what l felt was a long time, he started pumping faster. Suddenly, he pulled out and shot his hot cum all over my back. Thats when l saw the other man taking pictures of us. l asked why the pictures and he said he collected them and promised not to show the faces and to give me copies,
After this incident l still was convinced l was heterosexual but little by little l was having more sex with men as well with women. l was very attracted to feminine clothes but l used them only to masturbate. Once l met a salesman who was staying in town for the weekend. l went to his hotel room on Saturday night and saw him wearing panties and nylons. l almost laughed looking at his hairy legs in stockings. He had a large supply of feminine clothes in his room and asked me to wear some. l almost refused but my old fetish awoke and l agreed. l put on a matching pair of red bikini panties and bra with a garter belt and stockings. l looked at myself in the mirror and at this moment JOAN was born. We had an incredible lesbian affair and l was hooked. Now my next goal was to do it not with another cross dresser, but with a man, with me dressed as a woman. And soon l did it. While at a bar, l met a divorced man who lives alone. We chatted at the bar very often. One day he was afraid of drive because he was a little drunk. l told him to leave the car and l would take him home. It was a half hour drive and he started talking about (what else) sex. He said he always wanted to have sex with a man but having him dressed as a woman. Like many men who are afraid to have sex with another man, they think if the other man is dressed as a woman, they still are the man. l asked him if he was willing to have sex with me if l dressed in woman clothes and he said yes. He said he had many womens clothes from his former wife that l could wear. We arrived at his home and l got dressed in the bathroom while he waited in bed. When l came out in lingerie he wanted to rape me. He was so excited he did something l thought l never could do. He kissed me on my lips and l enjoyed it. l swear l had an internal orgasm without ejaculating that night. It was very intense and incredible. I felt like a real woman from that point on. Now l have a very complete sex life enjoying sex in all forms.
So this is me feeling liberated and free to live my life as l want, even if l have to be in the closet because of my family and friends. Now l accept myself like l am, a bisexual or a trisexual because l enjoy sex with women as a man, sex with men as a gay and, when l am dressed l feel transformed as a woman giving and receiving pleasure from her man, or from her lesbian lovers.
Yours truly,
JOAN
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