Scotch with two drops
of  water  
   
A lady goes to the bar on a  cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two 
drops of water. As the  bartender gives her the drink she says, 

'I'm on this cruise to  celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today....' 

The bartender  says, 'Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink. 
In  fact, this one is on me.'  
   As  the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, 'I would  
like to buy you a drink, too.' 

The old woman says, 'Thank  you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two 
drops of water.'  

'Coming up,' says the bartender 

As she finishes that  drink, the man to her left says, 'I would like to  
buy  you one, too..'  

The old woman says, 'Thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch  with 
two drops of water.' 

'Coming right up,' the bartender  says. 

As he gives her the drink, he says, 'Ma'am, I'm dying of  curiosity. Why 
the Scotch with only two drops of water?'  


The old woman replies, 'Sonny, when you're my age, you've  learned how 
to hold your liquor. Holding your water, however, is a  whole other issue.' 


'OLD' IS  WHEN....  

Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs 

and make love,'  and you answer, 

'Pick one; I can't do both!'



'OLD' IS  WHEN....  

Your friends compliment you 

on your new alligator shoes  

and you're barefoot..



'OLD' IS  WHEN...  

A sexy babe or hunk catches your fancy 

and your  pacemaker opens the garage door.



'OLD' IS WHEN...  

Going  bra less 

pulls all the wrinkles out of your  face.



'OLD' IS  WHEN...  

You don't care where your spouse goes, 

just as long as  you don't have to go along.



'OLD' IS  WHEN...  

You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the  police




'OLD' IS  WHEN...  


'Getting a little action'  

means you don't need to take any fibre today.



'OLD' IS  WHEN...  

'Getting lucky' means you find your car 

in the parking  lot.



'OLD' IS WHEN....  

An 'all  nighter' means not getting up 

to use the bathroom.  



AND  



'OLD' IS WHEN.... 
 
You are not sure these are jokes