Note: This story was dynamically reformatted for online reading convenience.
 
 The wife's back on the warpath again.  Last night she said she wanted to
make a sex movie, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for
her part.

   My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them.  It was my own fault.
I should have taken them off.

   I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or
"foreplay" as she likes to call it.

   After both suffering from depression for awhile, the wife and I were
going to commit suicide yesterday.  But strangely enough, once she killed
herself, I started to feel a lot better.  So I thought, screw it, I'll
soldier on!

   The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with.  I told
her, "Only you.  All the others kept me awake all night!"

   My wife packed my bags and said "GET OUT!!!".  As I walked out the front
door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!"
"Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!"

   I've just installed strobe lights in the bedroom.  It makes the wife
look like she's moving during sex. 
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know someone is actually reading these posts. .  jackspratt1@gmx.com