Note: This story was dynamically reformatted for online reading convenience. Just some ramblings................. HAPPY MONDAY OR TUESDAY ETC. Did You Know? Queen Alexandra's Birdwing is the largest butterfly in the world; females of the species can reach wingspans of up to 12.2 inches across. -------- Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading" -------------- What's the difference between God and an architect? God knows He's a great architect. An architect knows he's greater than God. --------- A new broom sweeps clean, but the old brush knows all the corners. Irish Proverb ----------- The Lord gives our relatives, Thank God we can choose our friends. -------------- Strange 'Religion' Quotes A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to rouse the interest, but long enough to cover the essentials. (Ronald Knox) I do benefits for all religions - I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality. (Bob Hope) Thank God I'm an atheist. (Luis Bunuel) The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending and having the two as close together as possible. (George Burns) I am convinced that He (God) does not play dice. (Albert Einstein) Some people say there is a God; others say there is no God. The truth probably lies somewhere in between. (W.B. Yeats) =========================== And so it goes.... Life is fun!! At age 4 success is not peeing in your pants. At age 12 success is having friends. At age 16 success is having a driver's license. At age 20 success is having sex. At age 35 success is having money. At age 50 success is having money. At age 60 success is having sex. At age 70 success is having a drivers license. At age 75 success is having friends. At age 80 success is not peeing in your pants. It all comes full circle, whether you like it or not. ----------- Words of wisdom for modern day living: When we are in heaven Our money is still in the bank. When we are alive We don't have enough money to spend or do not wish to spend. When we are gone There is still a lot of money not spent One tycoon in China passed away His widow, with $1.9 billion in the bank, remarried his chauffeur. His chauffeur said, "All the while I thought I was working for my boss. Now only I realize that my boss was all the time working for me!!! " The cruel reality is: It is more important to live longer than to have more wealth. So we must strive to have a strong and healthy body, it doesn't matter who is working for who. A high end hand phone: 70% of the functions are useless An expensive car: 70% of the speed is not needed A luxurious villa: 70% of the space is not occupied A whole wardrobe of clothes: 70% of it is not worn A whole life of earning: 70% is for other people to use So we must protect and make full use of our 30% Go for med exam even when not sick Drink more water even when not thirsty Must let go even when faced with grave problems Must give in even when you are in the right Must be humble even when you are very powerful Must be contented even when you are not rich Must exercise even when you are very busy LIFE IS SHORT WE MUST LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST-- ******** Anger is a condition in which the tongue works faster than the mind. - Unknown ............................................................. A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store. The store clerk called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor. The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the Catholic Hospital. A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clipboard loaded with several forms, and a pen. She asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment. "Do you have health insurance?" she asked. He replied in a raspy voice, "No health insurance." The nun asked, "Do you have money in the bank?" He replied, "No money in the bank." Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?" asked the irritated nun. He said, "I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun." The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God." The patient replied, "Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law." ------------------ THREE NUNS WERE ATTENDING A YANKEE BASEBALL GAME. THREE MEN WERE SITTING DIRECTLY BEHIND THEM. BECAUSE THEIR HABITS WERE PARTIALLY BLOCKING THE VIEW, THE MEN DECIDED TO BADGER THE NUNS, HOPING THEY'D GET ANNOYED ENOUGH TO MOVE TO ANOTHER AREA. IN A VERY LOUD VOICE, THE FIRST GUY SAID, "I THINK I'M GOING TO MOVE TO UTAH . THERE ARE ONLY 100 NUNS LIVING THERE." THEN THE SECOND GUY SPOKE UP AND SAID LOUDLY, "I WANT TO MOVE TO MONTANA . THERE ARE ONLY 5O NUNS LIVING THERE." THE THIRD GUY YELLED, "I WANT TO GO TO IDAHO . THERE ARE ONLY 25 NUNS LIVING THERE." THE MOTHER SUPERIOR TURNED AROUND, LOOKED AT THE MEN, AND IN A VERY SWEET AND CALM VOICE SAID, "WHY DON'T YOU GO TO HELL...THERE AREN'T ANY NUNS THERE." ------------- ---------- INNER PEACE. I'm passing this on because it worked for me today. A doctor on TV said that in order to have inner peace in our lives, we should always finish things that we start. Since we all could use more calm in our lives, I looked around my house to find things I'd started and hadn't finished. i finished a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Bailey's, a butle of wum, the mainder of Valiumium scriptins, an a box of choclutz. Yu has no idr how fablus I feel rite now. Sned this to all ur frenz who need inner piss and telum uluvum. For the readers who were thoughtful enough to comment, I thank you. . If you enjoyed this moment of humor or information plz drop me a line to let me know someone is actually reading these posts. . jackspratt1@gmx.com