Note: This story was dynamically reformatted for online reading convenience.
 
 

   A real woman is a man's best friend.  She will never stand him up and
never let him down.

   She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad
day.

   She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do; to live
without fear and forget regret.

   She will enable him to express his deepest emotions and give in to his
most intimate desires.

   She will make sure he always feels as though he's the most handsome man
in the room and will enable him to be the most confident, sexy, seductive
and invincible...

   No, wait...Sorry.

   I'm thinking of whiskey.  It's whiskey that does all that .

   Never mind.

   "Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the
government take care of him, better take a closer look at the American
Indian." -- Henry Ford

   Choosing a wife

   A man wanted to get married.  He was having trouble choosing among three
likely candidates.  He gi ves each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to
see what they do with the money.

   The first does a total makeover.  She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets
her hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very
nicely for the man.  She tells him that she has done this to be more
attractive for him because she loves him so much.

   The man was impressed.

   The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts.  She gets him a new set
of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive
clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all
the money on him because she loves him so much..

   Again, the man is impressed.

   The third invests the money in the stock market She earns several times
the $5,000.  She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a
joint account.  She tells him that she wants to save for their future
because she loves him so much.

   Obviously, the man was impressed.

   The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the
money he'd given her.

   Then he married the one with the biggest boobs.

   Men are like that, you know.  And on another note!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

   There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than
on Alzheimer's research.  This means that by 2040, there should be a large
elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no
recollection of what to do with them.