This story has examples of ENTIRELY unsafe sex in it. In this day and age, to avoid pregnancy and diseases you REALLY shouldn't screw around without protection. But this is 100% fantasy, so I can get away with writing about it. Just remember, it doesn't give you license to go out and do it. It also has nothing to do with real life and would probably never happen. Professional’s don’t behave this way either.
Further, if you're looking for a quick.. wham bam.. crappy plotted story, please go look elsewhere. This story has a plot to it and despite being quite sexual in nature HAS a point.
Lastly, and most importantly. All the characters in here are created
from my own mind. They may draw occasionally on inspiration from my own
life, but in NO way are they meant to depict anyone in a perfectly accurate
fashion, nor state any opinions as to those people.
I still wouldn’t have considered going if Mel hadn’t given me 10 prepaid sessions as a gift. It just goes to show you what marriage to an investment banker and a good divorce attorney can accomplish not that she didn’t pay a price for it.
Since I don’t smoke and don’t need to lose any weight, I decided to just work on my esteem and confidence issues. I don’t feel terribly lacking in those areas but felt there is always room for improvement.
There isn’t a lot I can tell about the visit. Dr. Winters is in her late 40’s I would imagine and her office is certainly comfortable enough. We talked a bit about what I wanted to accomplish and she explained hypnosis to me then proceeded to have me relax back in this wonderful chair and listen to her voice. It seems like only moments later I heard her saying “Wide Awake”, I opened my eyes and the session was over. I couldn’t believe the time had passed so quickly. I felt wonderful. I was relaxed, happy and certainly more confident feeling about the whole process than when I arrived so I consider it a complete success. I must confess to being a little apprehensive about being hypnotized at first but now look forward to our next session. I called Mel after the appointment and told her all about it. She seems almost as pleased that I enjoyed it as I am. Says she was apprehensive and really wanted me to enjoy it as well.
A last development, perhaps a side benefit of this hypnotherapy occurred last night when I went to bed. I realized I felt aroused so I masturbated for the first time in months. It felt great and for the first time ever, I didn’t feel like I was doing it to relieve the pressure from lack of sex. Andy and I had a date last week and we made love so it was too soon for that. I did it simply because I wanted to and because it felt wonderful to do. I even felt a sense of pride as I drifted off to sleep after a most pleasant orgasm.
Also, last week I went to the mall and picked up a few new outfits, another out of character thing for me to do. Nothing flashy mind you but a definite shift from my usual drab wardrobe. Something a little more flattering and confident. Funny, I never thought of my wardrobe as drab before but the compliments I got at work sure confirmed that I am on the right track in that department.
I called Mel after yesterday’s appointment and told her how I was feeling even better about myself and life in general and how much I appreciated her generosity. We talked for 2 hours and I told her every little detail about the changes I am experiencing. I think this process is bringing us a lot closer together. Also spent Wednesday evening at her home. We enjoyed a lovely dinner and some wine and great conversation. We’ve been best friends for years but it just feels like we are taking it to a new level now. She says I look lovelier than since she has known me and thinks the sessions are having a terrific effect. I blushed when she said it but loved hearing it confirmed.
Andy and I didn’t have a chance to get together last week. Usually I would feel a little needy, like I needed him to feel good about myself but that didn’t happen. Instead, I saw it as a perfect opportunity to “date” myself and spent Friday night pampering myself with a hot aroma therapy bath followed by another, more thorough masturbation session complete with candles and oil, another first for me. Two weeks ago, I would have thought it wicked or wanton. Now I feel great about it. Imagine that. In fact, after yesterday’s session with Margaret, I felt even more aroused when I went to bed and couldn’t wait to masturbate again and had an incredible orgasm. This time it was stronger and more arousing than with Andy. I wonder if Mel got any of these side benefits with her stop smoking program. This is the strangest thing. My curiosity about Mel masturbating more as a result of her sessions with Margaret simply popped into my mind last night as I was masturbating. Instead of my tried and true fantasy of about my “handsome stranger”, I imagined Mel masturbating on her couch and found the image more than a little arousing, much to my surprise. It was a little bizarre and confusing to say the least and certainly something way way out of the ordinary. In fact, I don’t quite know what to make of it. Still, overall, I really like the effect my new found esteem and confidence is having on me. I guess I will chalk it up to testing the limits of my newfound esteem and let it go at that.
My situation at work continues to improve as my confidence seems to be having a positive effect on my work and my relationships at work. I have been shopping more and finally donated all my old work clothes to charity since I simply cannot see myself wearing them anymore anyway. I am not dressing in a sexy way but most certainly more feminine than before. I am really enjoying the feel of my new silk blouses and have taken to wearing a little more makeup than before. Just trying to look my best and the feedback is great. A couple of men at work are paying a lot more attention to me, not that their attention is something I wanted anyway. If I wanted more male attention, I would spend more time with Andy. Which reminds me, didn’t see Andy again this last week. Simply didn’t have the desire.
Some of the women at work are supportive of my new look while others seem to be distancing themselves a little. Sarah, one of the girls in my department is particularly supportive and is quite complimentary and more attentive. It seems we might become better friends which is an altogether pleasing prospect. Not only is she real sweet, she is quite attractive as well. I’m not quite sure why I added the attractive part but I appreciate the fact that she is attractive and this journal is for all my thoughts. I just hope this doesn’t sound shallow upon reflection later.
I spent even more time with Mel last week. I spent two evenings with her and Saturday day when I accompanied her shopping. We had a great time to say the least. There is no doubt our friendship has moved to a more intimate and trusting level. She seems as interested in my progress with Margaret as I am and I can’t seem to get enough of her. I am really enjoying spending time with Mel, I always feel so appreciated, (loved even) and I thoroughly enjoy her attention.
My sexual side continues to evolve as well, a most pleasurable development but not without a few second thoughts. My masturbatory fantasies about Mel on the couch continued throughout the week as I enjoyed even more frequent and pleasurable moments masturbating to the most powerful orgasms I can recall. I even experienced my first multiple orgasm last night after my latest session with Margaret. I didn’t share with Margaret the exact nature of the image that now occupies center stage when I masturbate but I did tell her I was experiencing some different and less conventional fantasies when I masturbate and that I have found myself masturbating regularly for the first time in my life. She congratulated me on my progress and said that regular, even frequent masturbation is a healthy thing and that I should feel comfortable allowing my fantasies to take me where ever they wanted as long as I am enjoying them. She said that even the less traditional fantasies such as bondage, domination, submission and lesbianism were perfectly normal and that I should feel completely comfortable enjoying them because they are a part of me.
Margaret said, after our session, that under hypnosis, she worked with me a little on helping me give myself permission to enjoy what ever sexual feelings or fantasies I had. It must have worked because I couldn’t wait to get home and masturbate again and this time I really got into the Mel couch fantasy. The image of her naked on her couch, fingering her pussy to orgasm is the single most arousing image I have ever had and I fully enjoyed it and, like I said, I actually came twice in a row for the first time ever. I feel proud of that and of my new found confidence that allows me to enjoy what only a month ago would have been completely out of the question and probably disgusting at the same time.
At last I even feel confident and comfortable enough to admit a little more to you dear Journal. That’s right; I sometimes even have difficulty writing down things only I will ever see. How’s that for repressed? Anyway on Friday night when I was at Mel’s for dinner, she wore a tank top braless and I found myself starting at her exquisite breasts. Hers are a full C or D cup, same as me, and have maintained their shape quite well. I could swear that she noticed me staring at them and, when she did, her nipples firmed up and stuck right out in plain sight. I am sure she must have seen me blush when that happened as my arousal grew. What an unexpected rush. I had to quickly get up and change the CD in the other room, I was so embarrassed. I am not a lesbian, of that I am certain. I’ve never had a feeling even remotely similar to these before. Still, I find the feeling most enjoyable and, thanks to Margaret, I feel a lot more comfortable about having these feelings than I did last week. I enjoy my body more now than ever and, as a woman, it’s only natural that I am also capable of enjoying the beauty and sensuality of another woman as well. That doesn’t make me a lesbian, just a confident and sexually aware woman. Frankly, I like the feeling.
Ok, while I am at the true confessions, one last thing I must reveal. After all, if I can’t tell my most private journal, who can I tell? After the dinner at Mel’s with the tank top, I called her the next day and, as usual we chatted for hours. I simply love the sound of her voice and just talking to her about even non-sexual things, I found myself getting aroused. As we talked, I couldn’t help myself and slid my hand inside my panties and began lightly rubbing my clit. I almost didn’t realize what I was doing until I was there but for the rest of the conversation, I kept myself nicely aroused but didn’t allow myself to orgasm until we had hung up. A couple of times, I heard Mel catch her breath and couldn’t help but wonder, if she might not be doing the same thing. I will probably never know but the thought sure made me hotter and I took less than a minute to enjoy a whopping orgasm once she’d hung up. I’m not quite sure where all this is leading but it sure feels good.
To begin with, I broke up with Andy yesterday afternoon. He is a wonderful man and he was shocked and devastated to say the least. Nine months together and suddenly the spark went out of it for me and I don’t even know why. I tried to explain to him that I still loved him but more as a friend than as a lover. Given how aroused I have been lately, it really doesn’t make any more sense to me then it did to him but I simply don’t feel physically attracted to him anymore so I decided it was better to break it off cleanly now than have to pretend in bed with him. He actually cried and so did I. I hated hurting him but, still, I know it’s for the best.
And as if that isn’t enough guilt for one week, my thoughts and fantasies have taken a new twist and, along with this twist, has come even more guilt. Guilt, shame and confusion. Remember how I told you about my fantasy of Mel masturbating on her couch? Well, it has changed for the worse, or maybe for the better, I don’t even know anymore. Now, in my fantasy, I am there watching Mel masturbate on the couch and I am masturbating right along with her. That’s right, in my fantasy, I am sitting in that chair that is at right angles to the couch (also facing the coffee table) and I am stripped naked, just like her and I am fingering my pussy like crazy while staring intently at her fingers mirroring mine. She is staring right back at me and telling me how much she loves watching me. My Gawd, it makes me wild with passion! My hands are shaking right now just thinking about it.
I am 35 years old, I have never had a lesbian thought in my life before these hypnosis sessions and now, here I am getting aroused and having the most powerful orgasms of my life to the fantasy of Mel and me masturbating together. I suppose I could excuse my fantasy as a little harmless pleasure, like Margaret suggested if it weren’t for what has happened the last couple of nights. Mel and I have spent the last three nights hanging out together. Well, actually two nights hanging out and one evening cut short. Twice I went to her house and once she came over to my apartment. I love being with her. The conversation simply flows with between us; it is such a comfortable and happy feeling. We laugh and she is so animated, I really enjoy the effect I have on her and the effect she has on me. The problem is that I feel almost giddy around her. You know, like a school-girl-crush kind of giddy complete with that upset feeling in my tummy. And, I am aroused around her at the same time. This bothers me. This is not alright. Or maybe it is. Maybe it’s a wonderful development that I just can’t accept. See, right there is some of the confusion.
To make matters even worse, I could swear Mel is wearing more alluring outfits as if she is trying to seduce me. Last week it was the tank top. Then she wore another tank top and again I found myself drawn to her breasts. I don’t think I did a very good job of hiding my interest this time and at one point she asked me “What are you staring at Mare?” (She has quit calling me Marybeth and started calling me “Mare”. I think I like it.) I thought my cheeks were going to burst into flames they got so hot. I stammered out a confession, something about her having really nice breasts and wishing mine were as firm as hers. For some reason hers haven’t settled as much as mine and still have the appearance of a woman’s in her early twenties whereas mine look more like a woman of 35 normally would. Still, I like mine too and Andy always said they looked great. They’re just not as firm as hers. Anyway, Mel smiled and she grabbed her breasts in both hands and said, “Gee, thanks. Working out helps but I think it’s genetic too.” With that, she squeezed both breasts then slipped her fingers to the nipples and gave them both a little pinch before letting go. I felt such a rush in my pussy and at the same time so dizzy I had to grab a hold of the counter to keep my balance. I am swooning over my best friend’s breasts. This is very upsetting to say the least! This isn’t the half of it though; last night was the last straw.
I was getting dressed and ready to head on over to Mel’s house for another evening together and without even realizing it, I found myself primping as if I were getting ready for a date with a lover. I had just finished applying my lipstick and stepped back to look at myself in the mirror and it dawned on me what I had been doing. There I stood, giddy as ever, full make up on with a silk dress and no bra. I honestly don’t even remember the last time I went out of the house braless yet there I was bold as can be. Even I thought I looked sexy. Plus my nipples were all hard and showed clearly through the thin silk to boot. The feel of silk on my exposed breasts was about as sexy a feeling as I have ever felt with clothing. I loved the way I looked and felt. Then I suddenly realized I was hoping Mel would like it and find it sexy too. That’s when the guilt and shame hit me the hardest. I simply couldn’t come to grips with what I was doing. I started thinking to myself, “I am not a lesbian! OK, if I’m not a lesbian, then why am I acting this way? What the Hell is going on? What’s wrong with me?”
I put on a bra but left the makeup like it was and headed over to Mel’s. When she answered the door, Mel looked me up and down and said “Mare, you look downright sexy. I can’t tell you how wonderful I felt hearing that. The giddiness I was feeling expanded to a dizzying level. She was looking more beautiful then ever and I felt myself being powerfully drawn to her like before. She was totally casual in short-shorts and a halter top, braless of course and once again I felt my arousal growing as I told her she looked very sexy herself. Still the voice in my head kept screaming at me that something was wrong, that THIS was wrong. Mel noticed something was wrong and asked me about it. I made up some lame excuse about breaking up with Andy and that I thought I might also be coming down with something and she responded by taking me in her arms and holding me to comfort me. The feel of her body against mine was exquisite! I felt my arousal growing rapidly then suddenly pulled back and told her I thought better call it a night and abruptly left.
This whole growth thing is getting out of hand. I am so confused. I love the feelings I am having. I love Mel but the love seems to be growing out of friendship and into something else I am not ready for. Or am I ready for it? I just don’t know. One thing is for sure, as much as I love these new feelings and these new desires, all of a sudden I am very troubled by them too and that is very upsetting. I am not a lesbian or perhaps I should say, I don’t think I’m a lesbian. I simply don’t know anymore. I need to stop and take a few steps back and analyze this. I need to figure it out. I need to understand. Hypnosis is where it all started so no more sessions until I can sort this out.
Mel called but I didn’t talk to her. She just left a message on my voice mail telling me she understood, would be thinking of me and was there for me anytime I wanted to call and talk. She said she would call back in a few days to check on me if she didn’t hear from me. I don’t know if it was me or what but as I listened, I got the distinct impression that she understood a lot more than she let on about how I was feeling. I was relieved she didn’t say anything about it if she did. I guess she is just very intuitive. Something else that makes her so special to me. It was comforting to hear her voice but I just can’t talk to her right now. I miss her desperately and can’t stop thinking about her. Part of me keeps telling me to get it together and stop this crazy infatuation or whatever it is but another part of me simply refuses to quit and longs for more. It just feels so wonderfully right and so horribly wrong at the same time. Obviously, this isn’t going to resolve itself easily.
I am still enjoying my fantasies about us masturbating together and it seems that, in Mel’s absence, I am now almost constantly aroused and thinking about her. The only change is that now the fantasy has developed from a simple vision of us together into a full blown sex scene.
Now, in my latest fantasy, we are together just sitting around talking and she brings up the subject of masturbation and how it’s her only source of sexual pleasure since she and her ex-husband split up over a year ago. I nod and tell her that I understand and I feel myself flush. I can feel my clit start to swell at the thought. Then she goes on to tell me that in many ways she enjoys masturbation better than fucking and I eagerly concur as we both laugh a nervous laugh.
“Mare, do you mind if I ask you a personal question?” Mel seems a little apprehensive as she asks me. I reply “Sure, why not.”
“Did you and Andy ever masturbate together?” I can’t believe she asked me that and feel my arousal grow even more. “Gosh no!” I reply. “He was pretty adventurous in bed but we never did that” I admit, then continue confessing “truthfully, I did think about watching him do it once or twice. But that is so far out of my comfort zone and he never suggested it so it never even came close to happening.”
“Peter and I did,” Mel smiles as she seems to be remembering, “It was a real turn on for both of us. I guess I am a natural voyeur. How about when you were young? Ever do it with a friend?” she persisted. “Lord no!” I blurt out; trying to hide my embarrassment and excitement at the direction the conversation is going. “It’s only been since my sessions with Margaret that I have even felt comfortable doing it alone without feeling kind of wanton or guilty. I always thought it was wrong and even a little dirty.”
She becomes even more curious and asks with a sly smile, “So you’re liking it more now then?” to which I reply hesitatingly, “Sure.. I mean, who wouldn’t? Once I accepted the fact it was natural, I started enjoying it a LOT more. Now it’s fun and not just kinky.” Then I gather all the strength I have inside, I take a deep breath, look down at my lap out of embarrassment for what I am about to say and softly confess, “in fact I am doing it all the time now”.
There’s an almost painful moment of silence as I hold my breath waiting for a response. Then Mel bursts out with a laugh. “Girlfriend, I do it every day and if you don’t, then you are missing out on one of the true miracles of life!” I look up into her sparkling blue eyes and see her smiling broadly and I feel a wave of relief and pride wash over me as I realize just how much I have delighted her with my confession. I also feel my arousal grow as my clit cries out to be touched.
“Come on Mare, sit there and let’s have some fun.” Mel instructs as she points to the chair and plops down on the couch. I meekly comply. The mixture of my nervousness and fear, combined with my arousal, is totally intoxicating.
With one swift movement Mel’s shorts and panties are around her ankles and she sits back and slides her middle finger into her hairless pussy. I moan with desire but am frozen, just staring at the incredible sight before me. She starts caressing her clit as I continue to stare; then she asks with a wicked grin, “Do you like this?” to which I can only weakly nod, “Yes”.
“Then what are you waiting for? Get out of your panties and join me girl!” Mel insists. I am no longer frozen in place. I eagerly shed my skirt and panties then sit back in the chair. My legs spread slightly and I slip my finger through the curly hairs of my unshaven mound and into my very moist pussy. I literally jump as I feel that electric spark of my finger finding my swollen clit.
That’s when my orgasms start (for real, not fantasy) and they continue as I imagine her telling me how much watching me touch myself is turning her on. The orgasms don’t stop either until I imagine Mel’s stomach tightening and her body spasming as her orgasms hit her and she grunts her surrender to pleasure saying only “Oh yes!” with each spasm. At that point, I too am grunting with pleasure and jerking uncontrollably forward with each powerful orgasmic contraction. The pleasure of this fantasy is beyond words, I am addicted.
If nothing else, I have used the time wisely and painted the spare bedroom and reorganized my closets. With the wardrobe changes of late, I thought it needed it. Basically, I am trying to keep myself busy while I deal with all these new feelings.
Self control has always been important to me. This is what makes all this so difficult to comprehend. How can I work on gaining esteem and personal power and lose control at the same time? Something about that doesn’t make sense.
Still, a few things are becoming clearer to me. I may not understand exactly “why” but at least I am coming to grips with “what”. Here is what I have concluded over the past 4 days.
First, I have feelings for Mel I never thought possible. Let me make that more clear. I am feeling things for her that just a few short weeks ago I would have told you were absolutely impossible. I ache for her. I ache for her emotionally and I lust for her physically. In short I am consumed by the thought of her. Whatever I have felt in the past for Andy or other men is dwarfed by these feelings. I can think of nothing else to call it but love. This is incredibly hard to admit but I am in love with Mel, so much so it hurts to be without her. I wish I could call it something else, God knows I have tried but I simply can’t come up with another word that even comes close to doing what I feel justice.
The vision of her throwing her head back and laughing, the memory of a gentle touch on my hand or the way she looked at me the last time we were together haunts me during the day and pervades my dreams at night.
As intoxicating and exciting as these feelings are, I am not at all comfortable with them. I have gone over and over this in my mind. I have thought back as far as Kindergarten and I know for certain I have never had lesbian thoughts before. I certainly have been open-minded and never had a problem with the concept or with those I have known who were gay. Still, it has never appealed to me and I have never felt at a loss because of it. Simply put, before these feelings for Mel showed up, I could say with absolute certainty, “I am not a lesbian and I have no desire to experience it”. Now I guess the best I can say is I don’t want to be a lesbian and I am uncomfortable considering the possibility that I might be one. Still, at the same time, I am being overwhelmed with feelings and emotions and desires that can only be described as lesbian. As you can see, Journal, very little progress made here. Perhaps I have achieved a little clarification and realization of my dilemma but no resolution. The guilt and the shame and the confusion still haunt me.
My sexual coming out party continues and I masturbate pretty much every day. I have read enough on the net over the past week on the subject and adding this information to Margaret’s assurances have helped me to embrace the fact that fantasies are fine no matter what the subject. As a result, I no longer feel any guilt even though I masturbate while fantasizing about Mel. If anything has come clear to me of late, it is that masturbation is a wonderful thing to be enjoyed fully without guilt. I love the feeling of my fingers in my pussy, the slickness of my juices and the firmness of my clit. I love the way I can tease myself with my orgasms and allow the pressure to build until I can do nothing but surrender to the incredible feeling that engulfs me as I let my body and my hands take over as I become a willing spectator to my own pleasure.
Still, I can’t help but wonder if my masturbation isn’t also an attempt to help me resist my “non-fantasy” feelings for Mel. I also wonder if it is helping or making them worse. Either way, I’m not about to give it up and see it as the most totally positive development in my life in many a year.
Now, as if my struggle and confusion with my feelings for Mel weren’t enough, I have begun to suspect something else more and more over the past 11 days. The thought that has crept into my mind and grown stronger and more certain is that Margaret had more than I originally thought to do with this. I mean, obviously, my sessions with her were what helped build my esteem, helped me realize a new found power and enabled me to enjoy my sexuality in an exciting and wonderful new way. Of that, there is no doubt. I am so grateful to her for these things. She literally changed my life through them. But that isn’t what I am beginning to suspect. As time passes and the last session gets further and further away, an awful feeling has crept into my mind that these feelings I have for Mel, and the fantasies as well, might not simply be me discovering something that was hidden in the deeper recesses of my mind. I beginning to wonder if she might have done something to actually plant these thoughts in my mind and that is a chilling thought indeed.
Suppose I really don’t have any lesbian tendencies. Suppose that Margaret planted these thoughts in my mind without my knowledge or consent. And, worse yet, suppose Mel and Margaret worked up this plan together to turn me into a lesbian. As crazy as it sounds, this would explain why these feelings seem to have come out of nowhere. It would explain the free lessons and it would explain the feeling I got that Mel was, in a way, subtly coming on to me like when she caressed her breasts and squeezed her nipples. The incredible vision of that isn’t something that will soon disappear from my mind. This is yet another reason I am not about to return for another session any time soon.
These suspicions, on top of my guilt, shame and confusion have really got me upset. Still, as rational and plausible as this might seem on one hand, I am doing my best not to take them seriously and chalking it up to a mild case of paranoia. You see, these feelings I have for Mel and the incredible orgasms I experience with my fantasies are entirely too genuine to be anything but real. I don’t know that much about hypnosis but I think I am smart enough to tell the difference between real and implanted ideas. Non-the-less, this nagging thought isn’t making things any more comfortable for me. Despite this paranoia, I still crave another session with Margaret. They made me feel so good and part of me keeps nagging at me reminding me that they are good for me and that I really should make an appointment for another session.
Yet, because I know for certain that hypnosis is where this whole lesbian thing began, I know just as certainly that I will not find the answers there. In fact, the longer I am away from the last session, the more I am convinced that, despite my desire for more, that the hypnosis sessions are the source of this struggle of mine so I will not see Margaret and I will not see Mel again until I can gain control of these feelings and understand them and resolve the conflicts that are making me such an emotional wreck. It breaks my heart to say that, but I am afraid of what I might do if I was with Mel and I am afraid of what might happen if I have another session with Margaret. I really appreciate her but I have lost some of my trust in her. So I am absolutely staying strong and resisting both. Thank goodness it is getting easier by the day to do so.
Everything continued as a struggle with no hope in sight until yesterday morning around 10 when the phone rang. I waited to hear who it was and when I heard Margaret’s voice telling me to pick up the phone, I did so without hesitation. I wasn’t obeying, don’t get me wrong. At exactly the same moment she was telling me to pick up the phone, I decided the best thing to do was to pick up the receiver and tell her not to call and that I would let her know if and when I was ready for another session. I am so glad I made that decision. Hearing her voice and talking to her was the most comforting and reassuring thing I have experienced since our last session. I immediately felt at ease and glad to have the opportunity to talk with her again. Thankfully I didn’t get in her face right away about not calling again. Instead I chose to listen to what she had to say. She told me she had been thinking about me and that she wanted more than anything else to be available to help me find the answers I was seeking. It was so affirming to hear how much she cared for me.
We only talked for a couple of minutes at most but in that conversation, I suddenly realized so clearly that the answers lie within me and my subconscious and that the easiest way; in fact the only way to really access them was through hypnosis. Looking back, as obvious as it is to me now, I feel kind of silly I didn’t recognize this before. Still, that’s how life works and I, for one, am thrilled. Besides, I have had that nagging feeling all along that I needed another wonderful, relaxing, empowering session with Margaret and now that I realize that this is the best way to make some real progress at resolving these conflicts at the same time, I am feeling so much more positive about everything. Sweet person that she is, she even bumped some clients and is seeing me tomorrow morning. It feels like a real breakthrough to me.
That wasn’t all of it though, Journal. Actually it was more like the beginning of an incredible day. Yesterday was truly full of surprises, breakthroughs and intense experiences. I was so excited to have come to the understandings that I did in my brief conversation with Margaret that I actually got a little disoriented and lost more than an hour somewhere. I got off the phone and went to get my coat to get to my hair appointment, glanced at my watch and suddenly realized it was 11:30 and not a few minutes after 10. I am a very detail oriented person and could have sworn Margaret called almost precisely at 10 but there it was and I had missed my appointment. It really took me off guard for a second but then, just as quickly I realized it wasn’t such a big deal at all. There are any number of rational explanations for the missing time. I could have read my watch wrong before the call. The watch could have stopped then caught up. Everyone knows time simply doesn’t disappear like that. Besides, in a way, I was glad I didn’t have to go to the beauty salon because right then I had another really important revelation. It was another breakthrough actually, along with a great idea. An important idea and my hair appointment would have simply gotten in the way and that would have really been frustrating because this was one of those ideas that just couldn’t wait.
Finally realizing where I would find my answers was breakthrough number one. Breakthrough number two was when I realized that in all this time, I hadn’t once looked into what lesbianism was like. Sure, I had done a little research about masturbation on the net and felt better for it but I had avoided looking into lesbianism. I am pretty certain I am not a lesbian but I am, at least, very confused about my feelings toward Mel. Anyway, I realized I am an intelligent and open minded woman and yet for some reason I had avoided learning anything about these feelings that have haunted me for the better part of a month. Right then, I had a great idea, an idea so out of left field, so unlike me, that if I hadn’t thought of it myself, I wouldn’t have believed it. I decided right there that I would do a little research and learn something about the lesbian experience and I even knew how I was going to do it.
The best way to accomplish that was as simple as can be. I got out the yellow pages, found the adult bookstore that was in the safest neighborhood, put on one of my “fun” wigs and sunglasses and headed out the door returning with two videos and a vibrator. Talk about liberated! I was more than a little embarrassed and tentative as I entered the store but knew this was an important step in my growth so I quickly picked out two videos that interested me most and headed for the counter. That’s when I saw the vibrators and decided that, since I was already there and didn’t have one, why not try one. I chose a “pocket rocket”, paid the cashier and headed back home quite proud of myself for this latest accomplishment.
Upon arriving home, I dug in the kitchen for a new Duracell battery (I know better than to use those cheap batteries they include with anything) opened the pocket rocket and nervously made my way to the bedroom with my newly acquired possessions. I felt almost like I was sneaking and doing something naughty, which made the experience even more electrifying. I had chosen an all girl lesbian video and an all female masturbation video. I decided to start with my fantasy and watch the masturbation video first.
There was no plot, just 6 different women undressing and masturbating to orgasm. Some were filmed as if no one was watching and some of the women interacted with the camera woman. I sat on the bed mesmerized at what I was seeing. I had never seen anything like it before, except in my fantasy about Mel of course. As I sat, fully clothed on the edge of my bed watching this beautiful small breasted blonde woman play with herself, I found myself becoming incredibly aroused. I felt myself moisten and felt my clit engorge itself. I had watched a porn tape with Andy once of a man and a woman together and it was arousing but it couldn’t compare to the unbelievable arousal I felt as I watched this woman rub her clit with her fingers. I quickly stripped off my clothes and lay back on the bed and lustfully slid my hand onto my moist pussy, never taking my eyes off her pussy. I quickly felt like coming but held back, teasing myself, needing desperately to let go but wanting to wait for my electronic partner. My pussy lips grew swollen, my juices flowed. I was sloppy wet. I felt so incredibly womanly and sexual. My clit ached and demanded to be rubbed to release, not softly but passionately. Still, I held back, waiting. Finally I heard a subtle almost guttural change in her moans.. saw a shift in her tempo and knew it was time as I felt my own orgasm take over. I heard the same grunting sigh come from my throat and we came together and in incredible shuddering orgasm.
As my orgasm subsided, I could only hear myself gasping “Wow…. Wow.. Oh my God!” I knew my fantasies were incredibly arousing and have felt more arousal from them than anything before but I never dreamed, never imagined actually watching a video of a woman masturbating could be so overwhelmingly erotic. I paused the video and regained my composure then decided to watch the next one. This was a large breasted brunette and she had brought along her toys. I decided to join her and give my pocket rocket a try. I turned it on and touched it to my clit. When the vibrator first touched my sensitive clit, I jumped so hard, I almost fell off the bed. Gawd was it intense. It felt great but I found I had to put it to the side of my clit.. on my lips to start with until I got adjusted to the intense feelings. What an amazing feeling! And I thought I had experienced the most intense feelings possible. The pocket rocket opened me up to a whole new level of intensity and soon I was holding that pocket rocket hard against my clit, my body was stiff as a board, toes pointed and shaking and I was lost in an orgasm beyond what I ever thought possible. I actually thought I might die of the pleasure but refused to stop even if I did. Finally, it released me and I pulled the vibrator away and sunk into the bed, totally spent.
I was exhausted, happy, glowing and exhausted. I turned of the video and took a long shower, dried off and put on my robe and padded off to the kitchen to get a salad.
After about an hour, of relaxing and enjoying the afterglow, I became curious about the other video and headed in to check it out. Of course, I expected to be aroused by the video of the women masturbating. After all, that was my fantasy. I wasn’t a sure what my reaction might be to the lesbian video however.
Unlike the other video, this one had short scenes. Not exactly a plot but something approaching one anyway. In this one the women again were quite attractive as well but as they stripped and began engaging in sex, it seemed more like the scenes in the video I watched with Andy. It lacked the sensitivity and the realism I had hoped for. Their gestures and movements seemed a little too much like acting for me. Still, I was fascinated and continued watching and did feel a spark of arousal despite my disappointment. The camera angle kept changing till finally one of the women lowered her head between the other woman’s legs and the camera panned in so I could get a good view of her tongue gently lapping this beautiful trimmed pussy. I was fascinated as I saw her clit sticking out begging to be licked and interested in the shape of her lips as compared to mine. As I watched her licking her partner and gently flicking the extended clit with the tip of her tongue, I felt my own arousal rise once again. Then all of a sudden, I began to fantasize that that was Mel’s tongue doing the licking and my clit being licked.
Now, I have always loved having my pussy licked, what woman hasn’t and Andy and the rest of the men I have had have given it their best, I’m sure, but I know, none of them ever licked my pussy like that woman was licking that pussy. As I sit on the edge of the bed, my robe fell open, my legs spread and my hand once again found its way to my awaiting clit only this time I didn’t wait for them to come. I wanted to get off watching this scene before it ended. My fingers were rubbing my clit, urging my orgasm onward. I was getting close when suddenly the woman with tongue on the clit pulled away and in what seemed like one swift move, the women on the screen reversed positions. The camera zoomed back in only this time the licker with her beautifully shaved pussy became the lickee. All of a sudden my fantasy had reversed itself. As silly as it sounds, it really was like that and for a moment I didn’t know what to do. Did I want to have an orgasm fantasizing what it was like to be licking a pussy? Was I ready for that? The moment of uncertainty passed as the fantasy image of my tongue flicking Mel’s clit sent me over the edge to yet another powerful orgasm. Damn right I wanted to!
“Wow… that was interesting”, I thought as I straightened out myself and turned off the TV. I certainly hadn’t expected THAT, but still, I knew it was just another part of my fantasy world and not to be confused with real life.
Yesterday was a real breakthrough day for me as you can see. I really slept soundly for the first time in a while last night filled with hope that I finally might be able to resolve these conflicts and establish some control in my life once again.
I awoke this morning feeling a relaxed if not a little strange after yesterday’s masturbation fest but still buoyed by the fact I’m seeing Margaret tomorrow and that I’m finally going to get some answers, some resolution to my emotional turmoil. I also feel quite proud of the initiative I showed yesterday in deciding to explore my feelings and fantasies and the subject of lesbianism more by doing something so uncharacteristic as going to an adult bookstore and buying those videos and a vibrator. Somehow I think Margaret would be proud of me as well. An added bonus is the fact that I found them so arousing. Between you and me, Journal, I can say with confidence that both the videos and the vibrator will become a regular part of my masturbation ritual. What a liberating and, at the same time, delightfully naughty thought.
Still, everything that occurred yesterday didn’t quite prepare me for what happened today. In fact, I still don’t know what to make of it. Hopefully, I can make sense of it tomorrow when I visit Margaret.
Yesterday afternoon, once I had finished my “research” (was done masturbating), I called Audrey, my beautician and apologized profusely for missing my appointment and asked when she could get me in. She was so sweet; she said she understood and that I was the only client who had never missed an appointment before so it was no big deal. She said she could get me in today at 11.
Missing yesterday’s appointment was a fluke for sure. I’ll probably never know what happened to the missing hour and a half yesterday but there is no excuse for what happened today. If it weren’t for the fact I am seeing Margaret tomorrow, I would be more troubled than I am because I know she can help me find the answer to what happened today.
It was 10:30 when the phone rang as I was putting on the finishing touches to my makeup in preparation for heading off to my hair appointment. I screened the call as usual and suddenly heard Mel’s voice. My heart leapt with excitement and joy and I desperately wanted to pick up the phone and talk to her but I resisted. I ran to the phone and stood there listening to her wonderful voice, hanging on every word like a love struck teenager. She said she was just calling to see how I was and to let me know she missed me and thought of me all the time. My heart raced when I heard those words I so desperately needed to hear. At least I wasn’t the only one. Then she said she would be there for me whenever I was ready or if I needed her for anything. Little did she know how totally I needed her. It took all my willpower not to pick up that receiver and tell her I needed her right then. Then she said something very strange. It wasn’t something you would expect a person to say but in a strange way I almost felt like it was something I was looking for. Either way, it really caught me off guard. She said she wanted to tell me something and to make sure I listened very carefully. I knew right away this was important and that I must listen carefully and focused even more intently. Then she said very clearly pronouncing each word fully, “If passion is your pleasure, pursue your passion”. There was a brief pause then she followed it with “I love you” and hung up.
I don’t exactly know what it was about that call or those words but, as she spoke them, I felt as if I was struck by a thunderbolt of passion. There was something about those words, like I had been waiting to hear them, wanting to hear them from the moment she started speaking. Hearing her tell me she missed me and was thinking of me made my heart sing but those words at the end were special. I don’t know why but they were so very special. The moment she hung up, there was only one thing on my mind, masturbation. Those words were so arousing, I had to masturbate and I had to masturbate right then. Up until that moment, when I felt the urge I had always been able to choose when to satisfy my craving and could delay it if the situation required but there was no ignoring this need. Thank goodness I wasn’t in public because I have no idea what I would have done. I have never felt so compelled to do anything before.
I made a beeline for the bedroom shedding my clothing as I went. I finished stripping and slipped in the masturbation video, tossed the pillows together and lay back, spread my legs and slid my fingers into my pussy only to find I had already lubricated myself completely. My clit cried out for release as I began rubbing with my middle two fingers on just the right spot. I focused on the woman in the video as she worked her clit in much the same way I was. Amazingly, she suddenly looked almost exactly like Mel. I thought I had the video set to the small breasted blonde woman again but seeing the image of Mel on the TV made it all the more exciting. The camera zoomed in for a close up of her fingers as she rubbed her clit and my rhythm began to match hers. The squishing sound of my fingers in my pussy inflamed me further and everything in my world disappeared except for Mel on the TV and the feeling in my pussy. It was so intense and I lost myself in the moment. I became my pussy and I felt myself joining with Mel on the TV and completely abandoned myself to my lust letting orgasm after orgasm wash over me after until I collapsed completely spend and lay there enjoying the afterglow and gently caressing my completely spent womanhood.
As I regained my composure, I realized how much of an effect Mel had over me. I had been struggling with these feelings for her but never in my wildest dreams did I realize just hearing her voice would compel me in such a dramatic way. Even more bizarre, the minute I heard Mel’s message any thought of the hair appointment had disappeared from my mind lost in the lust that overtook me. That is simply not me. Once again I had that “I’m losing control” feeling and felt the uneasiness grow.
This wasn’t the end of it though, Journal. What followed was odder still. I phoned Audrey and dealt with that humiliation of a second consecutive missed appointment and rescheduled for next week. Given today and yesterday, I decided I would wait until well after my appointment with Margaret to try again. I then set about my housework as I contemplated the events of this morning. It’s crazy but I long for her more now than before the phone call. Hearing her voice made me realize just how profound my feelings have become for her. It is both exhilarating and deeply troubling at the same time. That hasn’t changed, just intensified in both regards.
As I thought of Mel and the phone call, I tried to remember the words she spoke at the end and realized I couldn’t. I remembered it was something about passion and pursuit but, I guess because of the way they affected me, the exact words escaped me. I did remember she ended by saying “I love you” and those words make my heart sing even as I write them now.
I spent the next couple of hours going over Mel’s call and what followed, trying to understand why she has this effect on me. Since it was what she said at the last that had the greatest effect on me, I decided I had to know what those words were if I was going to fully understand what happened to me. Besides, I also wanted to listen to the message one more time simply so I could hear Mel’s voice again. I wanted to hear her wonderful words of encouragement and hear he tell me she loves me. So, with burning curiosity, I took a pad and pencil and sat down to listen to her message once more. This time I would write what she said at the end down so as not to forget it. As I got ready to start the recording, I also noticed a definite apprehension, a genuine nervousness about listening as well. I shrugged it off and clicked the play button on the answering machine. Once again Mel’s words and her voice filled my heart with a mixture of longing and passion. I felt my stomach tighten nervously as the end of the message approached and I sat ready with my pencil. Then came her instructions, “Mare, I want to say something to you and I want you to listen very carefully”. Once again I felt my attention focus even more intently as I waited for what she was going to say next. I also noticed a very noticeable twinge in my clit. Then came the words I couldn’t recall and I quickly jotted them down as she spoke. “If passion is your pleasure, pursue your passion.”
About half way through that phrase, it suddenly dawned on me what I had done and what was coming next. I think at some level I knew it would happen and even looked forward to it and perhaps even convinced myself to listen again just so it would happen. Anyway, happen it did. No sooner had the message concluded then I felt that incredible rush of overwhelming lust and an irresistible need to masturbate and couldn’t get to the bedroom fast enough. As I write this, I am still amazed at the single-mindedness of purpose I felt at that moment. The only thing on my mind was getting my fingers into my pussy and enjoying the image of Mel masturbating before me on the video while I surrendered to my passion for her and my need for release.
My hands trembled as I set up the video and propped myself up on my pillows. I reached over to the nightstand and grabbed my pocket rocket, turned it on and didn’t even mess with working my way up to direct contact with my clit. Not this girl and not this time. I set it directly on my clit and focused in on the video, felt the rest of the world slip away and just let the incredible feelings take over. I simply gave up all control to my lust and didn’t hold back anything. I even heard myself talking. I don’t know if I was talking to myself or the likeness of Mel on the video. All I know is I just heard myself talking saying how good it felt and how much I loved touching my pussy and much it turned me on watching her touch herself. I swear I sounded like a woman possessed and perhaps at that moment I was. I know I have come to love my pussy and I know I have also come to love masturbating but never before have I openly spoken those feelings. Honestly, it felt damn good.
My orgasms came quickly and came often and once again convulsed me until I simply couldn’t continue and I had to turn off the vibrator and fling it aside. It was almost like if I kept it near, I might have to use it some more. Now I am beginning to wonder if I am even in control of my masturbation any more or if it is beginning to control me. One thing for sure, when it comes to this aspect of my sexuality, the last vestiges of my former restrained self are quickly being stripped away.
I dozed off for about two hours and awoke feeling very much spent physically, mentally and completely relaxed. As I thought about the effect the message had had on me the second time, I realized that, regardless of how incredible if felt there was something totally overpowering about it and that perhaps I better give it a rest. I’m someone that doesn’t want to be controlled and something about that message felt like it was controlling me. I got up and walked directly to the answering machine, paused for a moment as I felt this strange desire to play Mel’s message once again, then realizing that was exactly why I had to do this, I hit the erase button. Instantly I felt relief and sadness at the same time. Interestingly, I checked the video a little later to see if it really was Mel on that video and realized that that the woman I masturbated with didn’t look a thing like Mel. Not sure what it means but I guess fantasies can do amazing things.
Well Journal, as you can see, things have definitely intensified in the past two days. It has been a time of significant breakthroughs. First the call from Margaret and my realization that the answers to my emotional turmoil lie within my subconscious and that hypnosis is the only way to make the discoveries necessary to resolve them. Then the oh so pleasant breakthrough and accompanying pleasure as I began to look into the lesbian experience through the videos along with the expanded pleasure I discovered with my new toy. And finally, the message from Mel, which I still don’t quite understand except to know that something is going on between Mel and me and I am not even remotely in control of it. It is both intoxication and damn scary at the same time. It is something that fills me with joy and passion and lust and, yes, even love while still haunting me alternately with guilt and shame and confusion and, after what happened today, even a little fear.
Thank goodness I am seeing Margaret tomorrow. I just know I am going to get some answers.
I can’t believe I am writing this. It was and is such an amazing and totally unexpected discovery. Even now as I see it in my own writing for the first time, I am still amazed how wonderful it feels to acknowledge it and, to admit it to myself. What’s even more amazing is that I have always had these feelings but didn’t know it since I have been repressing them and any memory of them for years.
Yesterday I had my appointment with Margaret and what an eye opener that was. As my car approached Margaret’s office, I saw Mel pulling out of the parking area and heading away from me. I am sure she didn’t see me but my heart leapt when I recognized it was her.
As I got out of the car and headed for Margaret’s office, I felt apprehensive and even a little afraid mixed with my excitement about finally being able to enjoy another pleasurable session. I was apprehensive because of the silly thoughts I had been having about her possibly putting thoughts into my head. Of course as I think back on it now, I realize how impossible that is. My thoughts are my own, she simply has helped me clarify them and remember things I had repressed. She is a remarkable person and I trust her totally.
She greeted me as usual and invited me to relax and get comfortable in the patient’s chair. I immediately felt at ease and relaxed as the soothing sound of her voice and her presence washed away any apprehension I felt. I felt comfortable and safe for the first time since our last session.
Margaret started, “Marybeth, it is obvious from our phone conversation that you are struggling with some things that have developed in your life since we started our sessions. I want to help you resolve them so, today, before we get to the actual session, let’s talk about this a little so I can best understand how I can help you. I want you to tell me what has been going on in your mind and in your life since our last session.”
It was like the question opened up a flood gate of emotion as I started telling her about my recent lesbian fantasies and my concern about my feelings for Mel and how I was racked with this awful confusion mixed with shame and guilt. I even found myself telling her more about my new lust for masturbation.
Margaret listened patiently as I carried on and, when I was through, she asked me, “So Marybeth, answer me honestly. Are you enjoying your new feelings, these new fantasies and this sexual awakening you are experiencing?” to which I replied, “Yes, I am… for the most part, but not entirely…… it’s all so confusing. The pleasure is incredible but it seems the more I enjoy the thoughts and feelings, the more I feel the guilt and the shame and the confusion. I don’t know where these thoughts came from. I’ve never had lesbian thoughts in my life, Margaret. What is going on?” As I talked about the guilt and shame, those feelings began to surface and I felt tears begin to well up in my eyes.
“It’s ok, Marybeth, just relax and allow yourself to experience all those feelings. You’re safe here.” I felt myself relax back into the chair and just let the feelings wash over me. Margaret continued, “It seems your problem is not with the pleasurable feelings and thoughts you are experiencing, but rather with the negative thoughts and feelings that accompany them, isn’t that right?”
I nodded in agreement. She was right.
“Do you have a problem with lesbianism in general?” she continued.
“No, not at all. It’s fine for lesbians. It’s just that…… I’ve never.. I mean….. I’m not…. well, I don’t THINK I’m a lesbian… well.. I’m not even sure of that anymore. I just know I’ve never wanted to be one. It’s just not right for me... I guess is what I am trying to say.”
“Ok Marybeth, let’s work on this contradiction a little, then we will get started. I want to make sure we both are clear on the problem before I put you under. Fair enough?” I simply nodded in agreement.
“Tell me again what kind of fantasies you are having?”
“Lesbian”.
“Say it all please.”
“I am having lesbian fantasies.”
“Tell me how you feel about them.”
“I like them very much.”
“Marybeth, you are going to have to be honest with yourself and with me if we are going to get anywhere. Again please.”
“Ok, I love them.”
“You love what?”
“I love my lesbian fantasies! OK?” It felt so good to say that, I felt a delicious twinge in my pussy as I finally put words out loud to my feelings. I also felt a certain pride as I spoke this truth for the first time.
“Very good Marybeth, now, let’s continue. What kind of feelings are you having for Mel?”
“I am very attracted to her.”
“Marybeth………..”
“Ok, I love her and she turns me on.”
“And how do you feel about your love for her?”
“I love loving her.” I could feel my love for her spread throughout my body, warm and soft.
“And how do you feel about being turned on by her?”
“I love being turned on by her.” Once again, I felt a pleasant rush as I could feel my clit stiffen.
“Very good Marybeth. And what do you do when you get turned on by your fantasies or by thoughts of Mel?”
“I masturbate.” The answers were coming more easily and I felt a certainty and pride along with a growing arousal with each answer.
“And how do you feel about your masturbation?”
“I love it…….. I love to masturbate.”
“How often do you masturbate?”
“I masturbate all the time.” Then anticipating the next question, I continued, “And I love that I masturbate all the time.”
“Very good, Marybeth.” It felt so good to please Margaret and pleasing her and the direction of the questions only flamed my arousal. I felt my pussy grow hotter.
“So, you love to masturbate your pussy. Tell me, how do you feel about your pussy?”
I imagined the feel of my fingers as they caressed my pussy and rubbed on my clit, “I love my pussy.” I responded. It was terribly exciting to say that.
“And the feel of your pussy?”
“I love the feel of my pussy!”
“And the smell of your pussy?”
“I love the smell of my pussy!”
“And the taste of your pussy?”
“I love the taste of my pussy!” Each response increased my arousal.. my pussy was on fire and I could hardly contain the pride that came with each admission. I felt incredible!
“And what about Mel’s pussy?”
I pictured my fantasy of Mel fingering herself and exclaimed, “I LOVE Mel’s pussy!? It felt so right to say it, to finally admit the essential truth.
“And what about other pussies? How do you feel about them?”
The images from the video I had watched of women masturbating and licking each other’s pussies flashed in my mind and the answer was clear, “I love pussy. I love all pussies!” I heard myself saying. What a rush it was to admit that. I was on a roll and loving every minute of it.
“Marybeth, do you want to keep having these feelings and fantasies?”
“Yes, I really do!” Of course I did. I needed them like I needed air.
“And do you want to keep loving your pussy?”
“Yes, I want to love my pussy!” No way I was giving that up. I was addicted to masturbation and glad to be so.
“And do you want to keep loving Mel’s pussy?”
“Oh, yes!” I knew this beyond any doubt.
“Do you want to keep loving all pussy?”
“Yes, I do…. I really do.” I knew I loved all this too much to want to give it back now.
“But you’re not a lesbian. Is that right?”
“I.. I’m not sure… I don’t know any more…” It was crazy, how could I possibly say I wasn’t a lesbian after admitting what I just did. The confusion made my head swim.
“And you don’t want to be a lesbian? Is that right?”
My head reeled. It didn’t make sense. “I…. I.. I just don’t know anymore!” I blurted out. I started stammering… everything was coming up at once and colliding in my brain. The lust, the love, the certainty and the uncertainty and the shame and guilt.
I sat.. trembling.. unable to form a coherent sentence when Margaret spoke, “It’s alright Marybeth. Just let it all go and relax. Take a deep breath, let it out and relax.
I felt the tension suddenly fade away and I slumped back in the chair with a sigh of relief. I felt so grateful at that moment that Margaret knew exactly what to do to help me.
Margaret assured me in her wonderful soothing and supportive voice, “Just let your mind relax and clear itself of any unpleasant feelings and thoughts. You feel safe and secure”. As she said the words, my mind continued to clear and, of course, I did feel safe and secure.
“So Marybeth”, Margaret continued, “you love your new fantasies don’t you?”
“Yes”
“And you love your new found feelings for Mel, don’t you.”
“Yes”
“And you love your pussy and you love to touch it and think about Mel don’t you.”
“Yes”
“And you even love all pussy and looking at it and thinking about it and playing with your pussy, don’t you.”
“Yes”. With every yes, I once again felt the pleasant rush of pride for answering Margaret correctly and for admitting aloud these pleasures.
“And you want to continue all these feelings don’t you.”
“Yes”
“And you want to keep having these wonderful fantasies, don’t you.”
“Yes” “And you want to keep playing with your pussy while you enjoy all this don’t you.”
“Oh, yes!” All these things were totally true. I wanted all this and never wanted to let it go. The excitement in my pussy reassured me it had to be this way. I never was so sure about anything before in my life. I loved all of it.
“But you don’t enjoy or want to feel the guilt do you.”
“No”
“And you don’t enjoy or want to feel the shame, do you.”
“No”
“And you don’t enjoy or want to feel the confusion anymore do you.”
“No” All this was so true too. I hated these feelings and didn’t want to feel them anymore.
“Then Marybeth, if you could choose to never again have the feelings and fantasies that bring you this pleasure yet are causing the guilt and shame and confusion or if you could choose to have the feelings and fantasies and pleasures but never again feel the guilt and shame and confusion, which would you choose?”
I knew this was an important question, a question that held a key to my future and the answer was obvious. For a moment, I felt a rush of fear and apprehension and thought “What am I doing? Is this right? What if………?” but my fears were overridden by my lust and my need for this new passion. “I want the feelings… not the guilt.” I heard myself say.
“So, you want to enjoy fantasizing about Mel and other women without feeling guilty or shame?”
“Yes”
“Say it!”
“I want to fantasize about Mel and other women without feeling guilt or shame of confusion”
“And you want to love and desire Mel without feeling guilty or shameful or confused?”
“I want to love and desire Mel without feeling guilty or shameful or confused!”
“And what about pussy, your pussy and other pussy?”
“I want to love my pussy. I want to keep playing with my pussy and I want to love all pussy without feeling any guilt or shame or confusion.”
Suddenly it dawned on me. I knew what I wanted; I just didn’t have a clue as to how I could achieve it.
“Marybeth, do you want me to help you get rid of the guilt and the shame and the confusion so you can fully enjoy your lesbian fantasies, your desires for Mel and your love of every pussy, especially your own?”
“Yes, I want you to help me get rid of the guilt and the shame and the confusion. I want you to help me so I can enjoy my fantasies and masturbate all I want and so I can love Mel. Please help me.”
“Very good Marybeth, very good.” Margaret said with a very pleased tone.. I felt immensely proud to have gotten it right. “Now, take a deep breath, let it out, close your eyes and sleep…….” As she said those words, I felt the darkness and pleasant sleep wrap me in its warm embrace.
“Wide awake”, were the next words I heard as I opened my eyes. I felt relaxed, refreshed and in a wonderful mood.
“I feel terrific as usual, Margaret. Did you…. did we learn anything? Did we make any progress?” I asked.
Margaret responded, “Let’s find out shall we? Do you enjoy lesbian fantasies?”
“Of course I do, always” I heard myself reply.
“Are you attracted to Mel and women in general and do you enjoy the feeling?”
“Yes, of course, you know I do.” I commented, not quite sure where this was going. What had we been talking about since I arrived after all?
“And do you enjoy indulging your love of your pussy with frequent masturbation complete with lesbian fantasies? And do you, in fact, simply love pussy?”
Still unclear of why we were covering all this again, I replied, “Margaret, you know I do, what is the point here?”
Margaret ignored my question and continued, “So do you have any confusion surrounding these feelings?”
“None what so ever.” was my reply. I heard the words express a feeling I had not expected. I checked inside and it was true. There was no confusion at all. Just a clarity that I liked it all as before but whatever confusion was there before was totally gone now. I looked at Margaret and raised my eyebrows. She smiled.
“And do you feel any guilt or shame for having these fantasies or desires or for indulging them to the degree you do?”
I paused, and thought and said slowly as the realization came to me, “No Margaret, I honestly don’t. Not at all. No guilt, no shame.”
“Very good Marybeth. So, what do you feel if not guilt or shame or confusion?”
I checked what I was feeling and responded, almost with a giggle, “I feel free, liberated, and happy at last. What a great feeling. I am stunned.”
I’m happy too Marybeth. Can you tell me why you don’t feel any guilt or shame or confusion?”
The next statement came out of my mouth before I could either consider or edit them. “Because I’m a lesbian.” I couldn’t believe what I just said but as I stopped and thought about it, I knew it was true. I AM a lesbian. I was as clear and certain about that as anything I have ever known. I sat there for a moment as I considered what I just realized.
“Oh? And how long have you been a lesbian?” Margaret asked.
I thought for a second and that answer was also clear and certain. “Forever I suppose or at least since I was young enough to understand the concept.”
“So you were a lesbian in High School?”
I couldn’t remember a specific instance to support it, but I knew that I had those feelings in High School. “Yes.” I replied.
“And you have been a lesbian all throughout your adult life?” She continued pressing.
“Again, I tried but could not remember a single instance when those thoughts or feelings surfaced but I instinctively knew that they were there all along. “Yes” again I confirmed it was true. It felt good to finally admit it and get it out in the open.
I looked at Margaret and searched for an explanation. “I don’t understand what just happened. Can you tell me please?” I hoped she had an answer.
Margaret looked at me with a knowing smile on her face and said, “It is really quite simple. Apparently you have always been a lesbian and the chances are good you actually expressed them before now as well but that at some point in time, something happened that caused you to repress all memory as well as the feelings and assume the alternate role of a heterosexual woman. Along with the repression, came the guilt and shame to protect your subconscious and help prevent release of the lesbian desires. Of course, when I first hypnotized you and helped restore some of your power, this released the emotional floodgates once again and the lesbian side of you reemerged.”
It made perfect sense as she explained it so I continued. “But what about all the relationships I have had with men? I enjoyed them and I really got turned on by a nice hard cock.”
Margaret confidentially replied, “Another way your mind protected you by creating this alternative sexuality. How do you feel about men and hard cocks now?”
I thought for a moment and realized that visualizing a hard cock or a man thrusting it in and out of me and realized that there was no sexual charge in it at all. “Men are alright as friends I guess but they don’t do anything for me sexually anymore.” I confessed.
Margaret shifted in her chair, sighed and asked, “So, now, again, how do you feel about your discovery that you are a lesbian and always have been?”
I paused and thought. I thought about my fantasies, my feelings for Mel, my sexual renaissance and my newfound discovery of my repressed self. I thought to myself, “I’m a lesbian, I’m a lesbian. I like pussy. I want pussy. I love pussy. I love Mel, I want Mel’s pussy, I am a lesbian.” The more I said it, the better and more certain I felt. It was good. It was who I am and who I always have been and I liked it.
“I like it Margaret. I really like it. I am thrilled would be more like it. I am glad you helped me rediscover this side of me and I really appreciate your helping me get rid of the guilt and shame and confusion. I feel so much more complete now. Complete, proud and sexual. I’m a lesbian and I like being a lesbian. Thank you so much.” I was so excited inside with the thrill of this discovery and the disappearance of the guilt and shame and confusion that had been haunting me for weeks, I felt like dancing and shouting at the top of my lungs.
“Then I’ve done all I can and you’ve done all you can for now so this session is over” Margaret said as she stood and adjusted her skirt. I stood and extended my arms and hugged her tightly, immensly grateful for all her work. Margaret is the best!!!
She told me to come back anytime to work on this issue again or anything else and I assured her I would. I went directly home and couldn’t wait to strip naked and totally enjoy my new lesbian self. My fantasies were even more vivid than before and my orgasms had a new pride to them, if that is possible and not the slightest sign of guilt or shame. I felt perfect, alive, sexual and free. It was delicious.
This morning, I woke up with a song on my lips and full of excitement. I couldn’t wait to talk to Mel. I called and I could tell she was as glad to hear from me as I was to hear her voice. All the wonderful, giddy emotions came surging back, except unfettered by any negative feelings. I told Mel there was so much I wanted to tell her about but that I was much much better and couldn’t wait to come over and see her. She said how about tonight so I am headed there in about 3 hours.
Now my only concern, if I have one, is how will Mel react to the news
that I am a lesbian and more importantly, how do I break the news to here
that I love her and want desperately to make love with her? Will she be
upset at me? Will she reject me? Now instead of a woman coming to grips
with her own sexual and emotional urges, I am a lesbian trying to figure
out how to seduce her best friend. Funny how things change. Well, I am
sure I will have much more for you tomorrow, journal. Wish me luck!
I took plenty of time preparing to go to Mel’s house. I bathed with exquisite scented oil and shaved my legs and carefully trimmed my pubic hairs to a perfect length. Not too short and not all wild either. I thought about shaving it bald but decided to save that adventure for another day.
I put on a new pair of shorts I purchased last week, kaki walking shorts, and a red silk blouse. This time I left off the bra consciously and had no intention of putting it back on. The fabric felt very sexy on my erect nipples and I could feel the sensation clear down to my pussy. I was excited and nervous about the evening and full of anticipation. Oh, how I hoped my friend could share these wonderful feelings.
I looked in the mirror, with my makeup complete and my hair cascading down to my shoulders and I looked hot, if I may say so myself. I could see the outline of my nipples and my breasts through the blouse and felt sexier than I can remember in the recent past. I was a confident lesbian on the way to see the woman of her dreams. I was confident in our friendship that she wouldn’t hate me for what I was going to tell her and I desperately wanted her acknowledge.. that perhaps, in some small way, she might have an interest in exploring our friendship into something a little more intimate as well.
The drive to Mel’s house was pure torture. The excitement and nervousness continued to grow and my pussy kept reminding me that I was very aroused. I found it all very distracting. I felt alive and sexy and ready.
I arrived at Mel’s and rang the door bell. Moments later, Mel threw open the door, stood there and spread her arms wide apart and with the most wonderful grin on her face exclaimed, “Mare, I am so glad to finally see you again, come here!” and she enveloped me in the most delicious hug. Once again she was wearing her short shorts and a halter top and as we hugged, the feel of her breasts pressing against mine made me shiver with lust. Her smell was intoxicating and I simply held her tight to me, not wanting to ever let go.
Finally, she separated herself from me and stepped back saying, “Hold on their girlfriend, you are acting like we haven’t seen each other in years instead of weeks, here let me look at you. Wow, you look good enough to eat, and braless no less.. nice.”
I blushed from the compliment and was thrilled at the comment about my breasts. I could feel my nipples tighten even further as her eyes took them in. I was jubilant at the reception and basking in her presence. I felt absolutely wonderful. “Well, come on in and tell me absolutely everything that has been going on. I’m so glad to see you looking so good and so happy, I simply must know what these past two weeks has been about, I missed you.”
My heart skipped a beat when I heard that. She couldn’t have come up with anything better to say if she had tried. I smiled from ear to ear as she lead me into her kitchen arm in arm.
I sat at the counter and watched as Mel walked to the fridge and got out a bottle of chardonnay. I watched as her breasts pressed against the fabric of her halter top and I longed to touch them.
She filled two glasses and crossed the kitchen handing me one and said “Come on Mare, spill.”
My nervousness was peaking… I noticed my wine glass was shaking as I contemplated what to say next. I took a big swallow followed by a huge sigh as I gathered all my strength together. “Well.. I don’t quite know how to start but there is something I need.. I mean I want to share with you.” I started.
Mel interrupted me taking my free hand in hers and looked me straight in the eyes. “Honey, you’re a nervous wreck. Calm down now, it’s ok. Whatever you have to say is fine with me. I promise. You just tell me whatever is on your mind and know that everything is going to be just fine. You’re my dearest friend and I love you to pieces. You can tell me anything.”
I knew she didn’t mean she loved me the way I loved her at that moment but it was so reassuring and comforting to hear those words, I began to calm down almost at once and regained some of my composure. “Well, it’s just that I’ve learned some things about myself that came as quite a shock to me and I want to tell you about it but I don’t want you to be upset or mad at me for what I am going to tell you.” I stammered.
At first she sort of giggled then she calmed down and lifted my chin so I was looking her right in her beautiful blue eyes and calmly said, “Mare, unless you are going to tell me you are a mass murder and I am your next victim, then what ever you have to say will be ok, I promise. Just say it.. please, I want to hear it.”
“Ok” I continued, “Well, with Margaret’s help, I have discovered that.. well.. that I am a…a… a lesbian!” I blurted it out. There was a excruciating moment of silence as Mel took in what I said, then she got the biggest smile on her face and said, “Well, you don’t say. I think that is absolutely wonderful! I couldn’t be happier for you!”
I couldn’t believe my ears, it was exactly what I wanted to hear. I felt such a wave of relief I started to cry. “Oh Mel, I am so… so relieved to hear you say that.. I was afraid.. I didn’t know how you would react.”
“Oh Honey” Mel said as she came around the counter and held me once again. “This is great, there is absolutely nothing to be upset about. I am so happy for you, really I am.” It was so comforting to be held by her, I felt my upset being replaced by a wonderful calmness and knew I could tell her the rest of my secret.
Mel returned to her wine glass and spoke, “I am so full of questions, so tell me, how did you discover that you’re a lesbian, are you happy about it or upset or what?” She stood intently, smiling a strange smile at me with curiosity written all over her face.
“Margaret helped me discover it. I guess I had repressed these feelings for years and when they resurfaced; it caused me quite a bit of discomfort.” I responded, feeling more comfortable about sharing with her.
“You mean you don’t like that you are a lesbian?” Mel prodded me on.
“No, actually I like it and feel good about it.. now, I really do,” I replied. “It’s just that, at first, in addition to the nice feelings, I also was feeling a little guilty and shameful and quite confused.”
Mel, smiled even wider and remarked, “No foolin, I understand exactly what you’re saying. But you’re ok with it now then?”
“Yes,” I continued. “In this last session the other day, I realized I had been a lesbian for years, in fact, I had always been one.. I mean from when I started noticing those things. Once I realized that, the confusion was gone along with the guilt and I really began to enjoy and be happy and at peace with the fact that I’m a lesbian…. but there’s more…”
“So, you like pussy now. Pussy turns you on… is that right?” Mel interrupted and threw her head back in laughter.
I blushed but realized her laughter and question were really good natured so I replied, “Well, yes… you could say that….” God, I loved her so and her laughter was infectious. I felt so happy at that moment.
“So, does that mean my pussy turns you on too?” She continued and her smile had a strange knowingness about it. I froze and caught my breath; this was the moment of truth.
“Well, I er.. to be totally honest with you Mel” I could feel my face turn bright red and my nervousness and excitement increase as I took a deep breath and continued, “I er… “
“It’s a trip isn’t it?” Mel interrupted again, “An absolute trip!”
“Pardon me?” I responded, somewhat confused at what she had just said. “Come again.”
“It’s a trip!” Mel repeated. “Being a lesbian is a trip, a total body and mind rush, don’t you think?”
I was taken aback and didn’t quite know what to think of her comment. Could it be?? Could she be?? Was it possible? “I… I don’t understand.. Are you saying you are a …..?”
“A lesbian? That’s exactly what I am saying! And I think it’s a trip. I love it, don’t you? I’ve never been so turned on about anything before. What about you?”
My mind was reeling.. I didn’t know what to think or what to say. I was overcome by the information that was coming at me. Too fast.. too much to process. Still, I was overjoyed at what I was hearing, like my greatest wishes were coming true all at once. Still, something didn’t make sense. I struggled to grasp the meaning of what she was saying.
I had to find out, “Oh my God, you’re a lesbian too? I can’t believe what I am hearing. I can’t tell you how happy that makes me. I was about to tell you that.. about my feelings toward you.. but.. I don’t understand Mel. “Never been so turned on before”? I don’t understand. How long have you been a lesbian?”
She smiled again, a delighted smile and said, “A few months and all my life. Just like you huh?” That hit me like a thunderbolt. So many feelings converged at once, I stammered, “But… but.. how.. what… I don’t understand.. what?? Mel, what’s going on here?”
Mel must have seen the concerned expression on my face and grabbed my hand again. “Relax Mare, don’t have a cow. It’s no big deal. We just share a lot of the same history, that’s all. I had the same feelings surface when Margaret was working with me on my smoking and I struggled just like you did. In the end, I discovered, like you did, that I had repressed my lesbian memories and feelings as well and when I got in touch with that and let myself enjoy the new me, it was such an incredible rush. See, were like sisters, in a way. Like I said it’s a trip isn’t it?”
It was a trip alright but I wasn’t quite sure of where the trip was headed. I wanted my clarity back. I needed some more answers. “So Mel, did you have any idea you were a lesbian before the sessions with Margaret?”
“Hell no, not a hint.” Mel responded. “That is one of the things that makes this such a trip. To all of a sudden realize you had these feelings going all the way back to your youth when just prior to that, nothing at all. It’s amazing how powerful the mind is and how well it can create illusions and ideas isn’t it? But Mare… isn’t pussy great? Don’t you just love it completely? I don’t know about you but I think about it all the time.”
“But Mel,” I had to get to the bottom of this. “This is so odd, have you ever considered that Margaret might have given us these feelings and memories and we might not be lesbians at all?”
“Well, at first I did, I’m sure much in the way you are now but then I realized that it didn’t matter. After all, I am a lesbian now and I really enjoy the feeling. What difference does it make how I got here and further more, what can I do about it. Heck, what do I want to do about it? For me the answer is, I want to enjoy it. What about you, you’re a lesbian aren’t you?”
“Yes.” There was no doubt about that. I was and it was with absolute certainty.
“And you’ve been one for as long as you can remember, right?” She continued.
“Yes…” I saw where this was going.
“And you like the way it makes you feel.. and you particularly like my pussy, isn’t that right?” This really jarred my grip on everything. It was so true.
“Well.. yes…..” I stammered.
“So are you going to be pissed off because of how you found this much happiness and this much pleasure or are you going to simply enjoy it like I am?”
“I.. I don’t know.. I want to…. I love you Mel.. but .. I..” I was struggling for words.
Mel stepped forward to me, leaned forward and her lips met mine then she wrapped her arms abound me in a passionate embrace and kiss. I felt her tongue snake into my mouth and felt my tongue meet it with equal passion. I felt a rush in my pussy beyond words. I felt myself weaken as I struggled to stay upright. She pulled back and looked deeply into my eyes. I could only stare back and listen. I was overwhelmed by the rush of emotions and passion.
“Mare, Margaret says we all have lesbians within us that are dying to get out. She’s right you know. After I discovered my lesbianism, Margaret asked me if there was anyone I wanted to share it with and I knew right away, I wanted to share it with you. I mean I love making love to Margaret, but I realized right away, that I really wanted you. Margaret told me to set up some appointments and she would help you discover the lesbian within you as well.” I sat in stunned silence as Mel revealed the reality of my situation.
“So, we really aren’t lesbians, we have just been hypnotized into thinking we are?” I was grasping to understand.
“No Mare, we really are lesbians. Maybe we just got here by a different route than others may have taken. But in the end, we are lesbians so does it really matter how we got here? You want me don’t you? You want my pussy don’t you?”
“More than anything,” I admitted. She was right, I was a lesbian and I was in love with her and there didn’t seem to be much I could do about it. I felt myself once again surrendering to my love for her and my desire for her pussy.
“So??” Mel reached out and took my hand and placed it on her breast. The sexual rush I got was amazing. Never had I felt something so sensuous and erotic as her breast. I was succumbing and the feelings were welling up in side me. I was surrendering to my passion and it felt so damn good. Mel lifted up her halter top revealing her exquisite breasts. They were to beautiful and sexy, I didn’t hesitate. I leaned forward and gently took one of her nipples into my mouth. I could feel my pussy becoming more swollen and wet. I was in heaven. “Oh.. this feels more wonderful than I imagined. Don’t stop Mare..” My body had come alive, my pussy was singing, I was in sexual heaven. I was going to make love with Mel. Mel continued, “Oh.. yes. Suck on it…. Oh wow, Margaret is going to absolutely love this too”… Again the thunderbolt of revelations hit me and I jerked upright again.
“M..M.. Margaret?? I don’t understand… What does Margaret have to do with this now?”
“You want to share your excitement and your pleasure with Margaret as well don’t you? I mean, after all, she made it all possible.”
“But, make love with Margaret? I want you Mel, not Margaret.” I insisted.
“Don’t be silly, of course you want her too, she is beautiful, and has a great body and she’s sexy, don’t you think?” I thought for a second and visualized her. Whereas before my image of her was only of a therapist, I could now see her as a woman too. Yes she was attractive and yes, she had a nice body but I didn’t feel a passion for her. “Well, yes.. but I don’t… I don’t…”
“Don’t what?” Came a familiar voice from the door way leading to the bedrooms. I spun and saw Margaret, dressed, not in her usual business suit but in buttery soft black leather pants and an electric blue satin blouse that accentuated her large, pendulous, braless breasts and her full hips. Her full and erect nipples showed clearly through the fabric.
“Margaret!” I exclaimed. “What…. what are you doing here?” as if I didn’t already begin to understand the predicament I found myself in.
“Think of it as a follow up session. Here I give you the greatest possible gift.. your wonderful new sexuality and a new lover and this is the thanks I get. I thought you told me you loved all pussy. Doesn’t that include mine?”
I struggled for words, but none came. It’s hard to say what all my feelings were at that moment but trapped comes to mind. Excited.. scared. Uncertain.. all that and more.
“Are you sure you don’t want me too Marybeth?” I was so used to her hypnotic lilt, it was hard to resist..
“I don’t .. don’t know..” I finally blurted out.
“You remember what Mel told you in that phone message last week don’t you Mare?”
I felt such a rush in my pussy as I suddenly realized exactly what was coming next. “IF PASSION IS YOUR PLEASURE, PURSUE YOUR PASSION.” Margaret spoke clearly and confidently.
Hearing those words once again, like before, the effect was immediate. The powerful rush of lust to my pussy overwhelmed every other feeling I was having. All previous thoughts were suddenly subordinate to a new and overwhelming desire. I wanted to get out of my clothes and I wanted to masturbate and, what’s more, I wanted Mel and Margaret to watch me and join in.
I made a half hearted attempt to resist the urgent need but I knew, in the end it was futile. “You.. what are you doing to me???.... Why??? I don’t…”
Mel took my hand as I stammered and led me to the living room and put me in front of the chair from my fantasy. “Sit down.. enjoy”. I sat.
As I felt my hands take my shorts and slide them off, I finally, understood exactly what Mel was saying. It didn’t matter that Margaret had planted the memories and feelings and thoughts in our minds. It didn’t matter that, until my first hypnosis session with her, I really hadn’t had a lesbian thought or urge in my life. It didn’t even matter that just a few moments ago, I hadn’t even had the slightest sexual thought about Margaret before. The only thing that mattered right then was that I was totally aroused, that my clit was screaming for attention and that it was, without any doubt, the most arousing thing I could think of to watch as Mel and Margaret took their positions on the couch about to watch me play with my pussy with lust and abandon.
I settled back, spread my legs wide and slid the middle finger of my right hand up and down my sloppy wet pussy,, feeling a wonderful shock of pleasure as my finger tweaked my swollen clit. I felt my hips push up against my finger. I had never been so turned on and excited as I was at that moment. I was delirious.
I looked over at Mel and Margaret. Sitting side by side, they both had just finished removing their garments and sat there naked on the couch.. legs spread… fingers making their way down to their awaiting pussies. I deftly paused and with one swift motion I slipped my blouse over my head to join them in their nakedness… I could see their looks of approval and I felt myself swelling with pride. I wanted to do this for them. I wanted to do this for me. I wanted this!!!!
Mel’s body was firm, her breasts, although largish had maintained their firmness quite well. Margaret on the other hand, was the vision of softness. Her breasts were much larger than Mel’s and hung down in a sensuous and voluptuous way. They were totally sexy in their own right. Mel’s pussy was shaven, as I had imagined.. her lips were already crimson and swelling from excitement and I could see her clit pressing out of her lips looking for attention.
Margaret on the other hand, had a full.. and untamed bush. Her dark pubic hair was womanly and sensuous. She reached down with both hands and spread the hair apart and I could easily see her pink flesh and a wonderfully large clit sticking erectly up.. like a small penis.. at attention.. She flicked it and I felt my own passion grow…. It was incredibly sexy. All the while, I was rubbing my pussy.. and fingering my clit as my lust and my passion grew.. I could feel the first of many orgasms I would experience beginning to take over.
Suddenly the silence was broken as Mel half gasped, “Oh, .. Oh wow.. this feels so fucking good. Doesn’t this feel good Mare? I told you it was a trip.”
“Oh my… Uh huh!” was the best I could muster as I nodded my head in agreement. I loved it.. I loved it so much, I could hardly believe it. If felt so damn good.
“You want to come for us don’t you Mare?” Margaret’s voice wasn’t like a command. It was more like an acknowledgement of what I needed so badly and she knew it. Besides it was true anyway. She knew that, she made it this way and finally I was incredibly glad she had.
“Oh yes.. Oh God yes… thank you.. oh….” I felt my orgasm take over and surrendered my body to it. I looked at Mel and Margaret and I could see their orgasms respond to mine and take off with me. Their hands tightened on their pussies.. their fingers began pressing harder and faster against their clit. The incredible squishing sound of three pussies getting off together was like music to my ears… I surrendered completely to my lust and felt truly happy as I erupted in a gut crunching orgasm.
As my orgasm subsided, I saw Mel’s and Margaret’s do the same as their beautiful bodies relaxed back into the couch. I sat there for a moment looking at them.. them looking at me.. and suddenly I laughed out loud. They quickly joined me as we reveled in the incredible wonderfulness of the moment.
Finally Mel spoke. “Ok Mare, its time.” I was gently caressing my still enflamed pussy…looking forward to the start of an encore performance.
“What?” I looked at her.. uncertain exactly what she meant.
“It’s time.. time for your real initiation into lesbian love”. She was gently caressing her pussy as well and nodded her head down toward it. Then I knew exactly what she meant. There was no fear.. as I slipped off the chair onto my knees… There was no apprehension as I moved toward the vision of my fantasies. I was a lesbian. I loved being a lesbian and lesbians loved licking pussy. I loved Mel and wanted this more than anything. I wanted her pussy. As my lips reached hers, the heady perfume of her sex.. was intoxicating. As my lips gently kissed her swollen pussy lips.. and her juices moistened my lips like the most perfect lotion.. her taste was soft and sweet.. and as my tongue found her clit.. I could feel her body jump with pleasure and I realized that I was so in tune with her that I could actually feel her physical pleasure course through my body as well as hers. At that moment, I realized that licking her pussy was even more wonderful than I had hoped it would be.
I felt her hands grasp the back of my head and control my position as her orgasm began to present itself. I could feel the natural movement as my mouth and her body came into perfect synchronicity. And as I felt her orgasm begin to spread through my mouth and the rest of my body I heard Margaret begin to come as well.. I could see out of the corner of my eye.. her spread legs.. her hairy bush and her fingers with their practiced movements bringing her off in time with Mel.
“Are you going to do me next Marybeth?” I heard Margaret gasp through her orgasm.. “You want that don’t you?”
I did.. I really did and I heard myself acknowledge it with a muffled “Uh Huh! Mpfff!!” as Mel’s orgasm exploded and she took off and started grinding my face into her cunt.
Needless to say, journal, I licked a lot of pussy that night and got mine licked in return. Both Margaret’s hairy pussy and Mel’s clean shaven one were absolutely perfect in their own right and, what’s more, I know there will be a lot more nights like last night.
I am happy, happier than I have been in years, maybe ever. Mel and I are in love and I know it will continue to grow. Margaret.. what can I say about Margaret. Sure she was manipulative but I am so glad she was and, like I said, Mel was right. I am a lesbian. I’m glad I am a lesbian and I wouldn’t change a thing if I could..which I can’t. Frankly, if I had known how wonderful licking a pussy was and how incredibly exciting it is to masturbate with another woman, I might not have even needed Margaret’s intervention. I think she is right. There is a lesbian in all women longing to express themselves.
And one last thought dear journal; remember Sarah from work, the one who seemed to appreciate my new appearance? The cute one? Well.. as the evening was ending and Margaret was preparing to go home, she looked at me with a mischievous grin and asked me if I knew anyone who might need a little “hypnotherapy” and help with their self image and their sexuality. She said that I should keep my eyes open for someone who I might want to help out the way that Mel helped me out.
Yes, Sarah might just be perfect for this. I am going back to work on Monday and we will see what develops. This really is too good not to share you know.
The end... maybe.