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 A World of My Choosing   An Out-of-this-World Story by Gil Gamesh   Chapter
Fifty-Four  

   "I'll be eleven next month," Michael said.  His head was weaving around
and his eyes kept closing.

   My mind ran wild with the implications of what she said.  I knew that I
did not have a brother when my father, Michael, was killed by the
jihadists. I did not have a brother when Mother disappeared.  That meant
Michael was born after she disappeared just after I turned fourteen years
old, eleven years ago.  I remembered what Mother and I had done that summer
and I knew he was my son and, I suppose, my brother too.  I also knew that
she wanted me to accept him as my brother, not my son.  I stood there,
looking at her beautiful face, loving her still, knowing that she would
sort out everything with me in private later.  I nodded my assent to what
she said, but I also obediently said, "Yes, Mother."

   I looked at Anna, wondering if she understood the implications of what
Mother said.  She looked back at me and smiled but her face revealed her
confusion.  I knew I had to tell her the rest of the story.

   "Mother, this is Anna, my wife," I said.

   Mother looked at her intently, then smiled, and closed her eyes for a
few seconds.

   "Anna?" she whispered.  "You're beautiful, Anna.  You're pregnant and
you're beautiful."

   "Thank you, Mother," Anna answered.  "You're beautiful too."

   "David, would you like me to help you?" Iain asked, from behind me.  I
turned and looked.  Caitlyn was with him.  Matt and Jean-Nicole walked in a
second later.

   "No, not yet," I said, "Don't ask me any questions.  First things first.
I need to know how they feel."

   I was still trying to grasp the implications of having a son and brother
named Michael, named for my father, Michael.

   "I can help you with that, David," Aimee said.

   "I call Aimee an avatar, Mother.  I named her after you," I said,
pointing at her image on the screen.  "She is able to monitor your vital
signs.  Aimee, what can you tell me about Michael?"

   "David, his heart rate is very high, at 90 beats per minute," Aimee
said. "His temperature is also elevated at a little over seventy on the
David scale.  It is border-line dangerous.  From the way he is repeatedly
swallowing, I suspect that he is nauseous.  Please ask him."

   "Michael, do you feel like you are going to throw up?" I asked.  "Tell
me how you feel.  Do you need to pee?"

   "Yeah, I feel sick, like I'm about to barf," he answered, struggling.

   "What else?"

   "I can't think straight.  Everything is...is swimming around.  I ache
all over...and I've got to pee real bad."

   "Aimee, how are Mother's vital signs?" Anna asked.

   "Her heart rate and temperature are both elevated but not dangerously
so, Anna," Aimee responded.  "If you wish, I can prescribe medication for
Mother and Michael both.  You should ask her how she feels."

   "Mother, how do you feel?  Nauseous?  Achy?  Confused?  Do you need to
pee?"

   "Yes, David, I'm achy and I need to pee real bad," she answered,
mimicking Michael.

   "Do you think you can walk by yourself?" I asked.

   She slid off the end of the recliner and, holding on, tried to walk. 
She almost collapsed and I grabbed her and held her.

   "Matt, I'm going to carry Mother to the women's toilet.  Will you carry
Michael to the men's?  Let Iain help you.  Yell for Anna if Michael needs
more help."

   "What do you want us to do, David?" Jean-Nicole asked.

   "Anna, you come with me.  Jean-Nicole, you get the medications for
Michael.  Caitlyn, you get the meds for Mother.  Just as soon as they
finish peeing we'll bring them back here.  They need to be medicated."

   The ones standing around in the hallway didn't need to be told to make
way for us.  Everyone had evidently become aware of our new arrivals and
they were standing around, most paired up as usual.  Pyotr and Petra were
side by side, holding hands.  Brian and Brianne were standing close to
their father, Aiden, with his hands protectively on their shoulders, and I
got the distinct impression that he wasn't as surprised and curious about
the new arrivals as the others were.

   I carried my mother into the women's side of the toilet to one of the
enclosed commodes.  Anna held her arm when I put her down and we helped her
into the enclosure.  Mother didn't want the door closed while she peed. 
She sat there looking at me and Anna and smiling at us.  When she finished,
she looked at Anna's belly and face.

   "Anna, you are pregnant; aren't you?" she asked.  "How far?"

   "Yes, Mother, I'm five months pregnant and I'm having twins.  David and
I are very happy to be having two babies.  You're going to be a
grandmother."

   Her face lit up in that radiance I remembered so well.  "That's good,"
she whispered, still hoarsely.

   Anna pushed the button to activate the warm water and air feature of the
toilet.  Mother closed her eyes and smiled.  After a moment, she held out
her arms to us and Anna and I helped her stand up and take a few steps.  I
saw that she was still too unsteady to walk by herself so I picked her up
to carry her back to Aimee's room.  She put her arms around my neck and
rested her head on my shoulder.

   I stopped and stood still and gave in to the urge to hold her close.  I
had not had a hug from her for over a decade and perhaps she wanted to give
me one.  I closed my eyes, put my cheek down against hers, and stood there
for a moment.  I felt her arms trying to pull me closer and I pulled her
against me, being held by her for the first time in so long, feeling my
love for her sweep over me, a love which had lain dormant for years but had
never died.

   "You're so strong, David," she whispered in my ear.  "You've grown up
into a man just like your father, strong and beautiful.  And you're got a
beautiful wife.  Did you call her Anna?"

   "Yes, Mother," I whispered back.  "I'm going to carry you back to
Aimee's room.  Matt and Iain will bring Michael back.  Jean-Nicole and
Caitlyn are waiting for us.  They're going to give you and Michael some
medications to help you feel better and something to drink.  Then we'll let
you and Michael sleep if you want to."

   Anna put her hand on my other shoulder and I looked at her.  She smiled
and I smiled back at her.

   In the hallway, I saw James and asked him to get me a couple of chemises
for our new arrivals.  He turned and ran to the clothing storeroom.

   As usual, almost all the ones in the hallway were naked and Mother
noticed.  "Why is everybody naked?  I'm naked too but I don't care," she
whispered groggily."

   Just then, Iain came out of the men's toilet, followed by Matt carrying
Michael.

   "I'll tell you later, Mother," I said.  "For now, all you need to know
is that you and Michael are safe and among good people.  The way you feel
is caused by a long journey and you'll be back to normal in a few days."

   I went back in Aimee's room and gently put Mother back in Aimee's chair.
She turned on her side and moved back to make room for Michael.  Matt just
as gently laid him down next to her.  He turned toward her and snuggled up
to her again.  She put her arm around him again and pulled him close.  I
knew they needed medications to help them recover, just as most of us had.
Jean-Nicole and Caitlyn were waiting with medications and juice.

   "Mother, Aimee has the ability to dispense medications for us," I said.
"I'm sure she has dispensed a mild analgesic to ease your aches, something
to lower your temperature, and something for nausea.  We all were feeling
like you are when we came here.  The medications will help and you'll be
feeling fine in a few days.  Please take the medications and drink lots of
juice.  It's cold and delicious."

   "David, I have dispensed Michael's medications in a small amount of
liquid," Aimee said.  "Children sometimes resist medications and the liquid
will be easier for him to ingest.  I have dispensed Mother's in pill form.
Please help both of them to take the medications and then drink as much as
possible."

   "Let me help Michael with his and then I'll take mine," Mother said.

   Michael resisted the medication until Mother kissed him on the cheek and
whispered something in his ear.  Anna held the drink to him but he was
reclined too far to drink.  I pressed the button which raised the head of
the chair.  He drank the medication when Mother held the cup to his mouth
and then held the bottle of juice himself and drank eagerly.  When he had
enough, he closed his eyes and snuggled closer to her, one hand familiarly
on her breast.

   Caitlyn helped Mother take her medications and drink some of the cold
juice.  I waited until she was finished, again thinking of the implications
of having a brother or son or both named Michael, the name of my father and
the name which Anna and I had intended for our own child if it was a boy.

   "Mother, most of us wanted to sleep after we arrived," I said.  "We'll
tell you later where you are and how you came here when you are feeling
better.  Our bed chamber has three beds, each large enough for two.  Anna
and Caitlyn are going to make up two beds for you and Michael in the room
where Anna and I sleep.  We want to watch you until you wake up.  Is that
OK?"

   "Yes, David," she responded.  "That's OK but just make up one bed. 
Michael and I have been sleeping together for the past month.  They told us
we should..." Her words trailed off and her eyes closed.

   "Iain, would you and Caitlyn help Michael put on a chemise.  Anna and I
will help Mother.  Where's James?"

   "Why do I need one, David?" she asked.  "All of you are naked.  I like
being naked with everybody."

   "Mother, the temperature in here is set to be comfortable when we are
naked.  If you let Michael cuddle up to you naked, you may get sweaty,
especially with his fever.  Anna had a chemise on until I took it off. 
Where's James?"

   I looked up and saw him standing in the doorway, holding the chemises I
had asked him to get.

   "David, Aimee won't let me in.  She's being mean to me," he said,
grinning.

   "Let him in, Aimee," Anna said.

   Matt and I carried Michael and Mother to our bedchamber and stood
holding them until Jean-Nicole and Caitlyn made up a bed for them.  I
guessed that Mother would sleep on her left side, just as I liked to do,
and that she would then spoon up to Michael.  I asked Matt to help Michael
into bed first and then Anna and I helped Mother.  She turned her back to
me, Michael scooted back against her, and she put her arm over him.  Anna
covered their bare legs with a light blanket.  I took one more look at the
two of them and then followed the procession out into the empty hallway.

   I knew the others of our colony were probably in the kitchen, sitting at
tables, waiting for me to tell them about Mother and Michael.  I stopped in
the hallway and tried to organize my thoughts, to put together an
explanation for them which was the truth as best I knew it.  I remembered
what had happened the summer before Mother disappeared and I knew I had to
tell Anna.  I didn't want to tell the others.  I didn't know what to do.  I
remembered what Father always told me: Always tell the truth and I will be
proud of you.

   <><><>

   We ran our usual loop, a distance on the paved highway, one behind the
other on the side of the road, then another distance on a dirt road, where
we ran side by side, then a short distance through the woods, where we ran
where ever we could, and last, a longer distance along an abandoned dirt
road, back to the home of my running companion, a guy my age who lived a
short distance from our house.  I didn't stop to talk this time.  The early
morning was humid and oppressive with a threat of rain and I was dripping
sweat.  I ran back to my grandparent's home and through their yard to the
carriage house where my mother and I lived.

   I was very quiet as I climbed up the stairs to our living quarters above
the carriage bays below.  As usual, we had run without shirts, in running
shoes and shorts.  I had on white compression shorts under red running
shorts.  The white shorts extended down to mid-thigh and were so tight I
could hardly pull them up and over my butt.  In them, I always carefully
arranged my testicles so they were comfortable and positioned my penis so
that it was curved downward over them.  I liked the way the compression
shorts held my family jewels snug so they didn't flop around when I ran. 
The red ones were much shorter and looser and split high on each side.

   I thought the combination gave me a sexy look and I wanted the few young
girls in our neighborhood to see me.  I was proud of the new bulge in my
shorts.

   As usual, I sat down on the top steps and took off my shoes and socks,
left them just inside the door, and started for the bathroom so I could
shower.  Also as usual, I was going to masturbate for the first time today.
Maybe I'd already trained my dick to know what I was going to do after my
run.  I could feel it trying to get hard in my shorts but it couldn't.  I
was horny as hell, again, as usual, and it seemed that running just made it
worse.

   I stopped long enough to take off red outer shorts and then started to
tiptoe past my mother's bedroom.  With her crazy work schedule, she often
slept late and I didn't want to wake her.

   I heard a faint noise and I wondered if she was crying again.  I knew
she tried to hide it from me when she cried.  I knew she still missed my
father and so did I but I couldn't cry for him like she could.  The door to
her bedroom was slightly ajar and I peeked in to see if she was awake.  To
a fourteen-year-old kid who was inundated with a river of testosterone and
who thought about sex about twenty-four hours a day, what I saw was
unbelievable.

   She was lying on her back, wearing her usual white cotton panties and
little shorty nightgown.  She wasn't sleeping.  Her hair was wrapped in a
towel and I knew she had been in the shower a short while ago.  With one
hand, she had pushed the nightgown up and I could see her milky-white
rounded breast with her thumb and finger on the rosy brown nipple.  She had
her other hand in her panties, curved down between her legs, and it was
moving.  I could almost see her fingers in her pussy.  She was
masturbating!

   I knew I shouldn't watch her doing something so private but I couldn't
move.  Since puberty began for me, she wasn't always my mother; quite
often, she was a tall beautiful long-haired creature with soft rounded
breasts and a sensuous derriere and, between her legs, something secret
that she always kept hidden from me.  I stood there in just my compression
shorts, my heart almost beating out of my chest, and watched her hand
moving between her legs.

   My penis tried to get hard but, curved down in my shorts, it couldn't. I
pulled my shorts away from my stomach, reached down and tugged it up so
that it was pointing toward my naval.  I gave a sigh of relief and let it
swell toward its full size.  I was proud of how big it was now that puberty
had begun its magic.

   Perhaps my sigh was too loud.  She raised her head and looked at me.  I
couldn't move.  I looked at her face, then quickly down at her hand, then
back at her face.  She looked at my face, then down at my shorts, and then
back at my face.

   I wanted to let her know I understood what she was doing.  I had
intended to do the same thing and I wasn't ashamed of it.  Before he left
for the last time, Dad had talked to me again about masturbating and
emphasized that it was normal for young boys and that I should never be
ashamed of doing it.  I usually enjoyed it at least once every day,
sometimes two or even three, but I had never thought of women wanting to do
the same thing.

   Before he left, my father had told me to take care of my mother and I
assured him I would.  I had done my best to help her around the house but I
knew there was little I could do to ease the pain of his death.  I had
listened to her crying for him too often at night.  I knew she was secretly
relying on alcohol and pills of some kind to ease the pain.  I decided to
do something that I had never done before.

   I reached down to my compression shorts, slowly rolled them down over my
hips, tugged them down my legs, used my bare feet to strip them completely
off, and then stepped out of them.  For the first time since childhood, I
was completely naked before her.  When I straightened up, my hard penis was
pointing at the ceiling.  I pulled down on my wrinkled scrotum to stretch
it from the compression of my shorts and through my little patch of dark
pubic hair.  I leaned back and let my hips roll forward to display my male
equipment for her.

   She looked at me without speaking.  I could see her eyes flitting from
my face, down over my sweaty body, to my genitals, then back to my face. 
My long hair was wet with sweat and I used one hand to smooth it back from
my face.  She still had her hand in her panties but it wasn't moving now. I
reached down to my penis, pointed it at her, and then slowly slid my
foreskin back and forth a few times.  I wanted her to see it, especially
the blood-red shiny head as my foreskin covered and uncovered it.

   Her breasts were hidden by her nightgown now but it was damp and they
were clearly defined.  Her dark nipples stood up in little points under the
filmy cloth.  Her hidden hand began to move again, making a slowly
undulating mound under her white panties.  Finally she spoke.

   "Come here, David," she whispered.

   "I was just going to take a shower," I said.  "I'm all sweaty."

   "And you were going to masturbate.  Are you surprised that I masturbate
too?" she asked.

   I simply nodded, watching her hand slowly moving in her panties just as
my hand was slowly moving back and forth on my penis.

   "Come here," she whispered again, and gently patted the bed beside her.
"Come lay down in the bed with me."

   I walked over to the side of the bed but then hesitated to get in bed
with her.  I took my hand off my penis and let it point upwards again.  She
looked at it while I hesitated, wondering what she wanted with me and what
I could do for her and if she wanted me to do what I wanted to do for her.

   "When did my little boy become such a fine man?" she said, whispering
again.  "You're going to be as big a man as your father."

   "I hope so," I said, wondering if she meant that I was going to be as
tall as him or that my penis would be as big as his.  I knew that it was
already bigger than that of my friends.

   "Just lay down with me, David," she said.  "I want to talk to you."

   I lay down with her, on my side facing her, put my hand back on my
penis, and started slowly stroking it again.  She turned on her side facing
me with her hand in her panties, moving again.  I wondered if she wanted me
to masturbate with her.  Even the thought of doing that with her made my
penis harder.

   We lay there for a minute or so, looking in each other's eyes and
glancing down at what our hands were doing.  I felt the first faint signs
of an impending orgasm and I didn't want to come on her bed.  I stopped,
bent my penis so that it was pointed at her and the secret something she
was stroking, and held it with my thumb and one finger.

   "Yes, I masturbate too, David," she whispered.  "Women have needs just
like men."

   I nodded and then dared to say what I wanted.

   "Would you let me see you do it?  You're watching me doing it.  It's
only fair for me to watch you."

   My heart was about to beat its way out of my chest.  My mouth felt dry
and my breathing was labored and heavy.  Her face didn't reveal anything
for a moment.  Then she smiled at me, sat up and stripped her nightgown
off, and I saw her breasts, beautiful perfect breasts.  She lay back down,
lifted her derriere off the bed, and slowly peeled her panties down her
legs.  She pulled one bare leg out and then used her foot to push her
panties completely off the other leg, the same way I had shed my
compression shorts.

   I lifted up on my left elbow, trying to see what had always been hidden
from me.  I was disappointed; I saw nothing except a small patch of dark
pubic hair.  I bent my neck, trying to see where she had been rubbing with
her fingers.  I finally saw the beginning of a cleft but with something
strange in it, something that looked like a little ridge.  I looked back at
her face and I suppose she saw that I was puzzled.

   I said "Thank you," and leaned over, intending to kiss her on the cheek
as I had done thousands of times before.  She either inadvertently or
deliberately turned her face toward mine.  My lips touched hers and she
opened her mouth and said my name, a softly-whispered "David." I felt the
breath come out of her and into me and I was seized with a desire to kiss
her as I had never kissed her before.  I opened my lips to hers and pressed
my body against her side.  She resisted for a second and then yielded to
me. I felt her tongue touch mine and I kissed her with a passion which was
new to me.

   My erect penis was uncomfortably bent between our bodies so I reached
down and rescued it and then pressed it against her side.  Still kissing
her, I reached up and put my hand on her breast.  She sighed deeply, put
her hand behind my head, and ran her fingers through my long damp hair.  We
both had our mouths open and I knew she was yielding to the same passion
that gripped me.

   I moved down and took the nipple of her other breast in my mouth and
nursed at it for the first time in years.  My heart began pounding even
faster and my breath rasped noisily out of my nose.  I shut my eyes and
yielded to the desires which had taken me captive.  I moved over her and
put one knee between her legs.  She spread her legs wider and I put the
other knee beside the first one.  Still kissing her, I lowered myself down
on her with my chest against her soft breasts and my hard penis pressed
against her stomach.

   I was still for a moment and then I moved downward a little and began to
stab at her with my penis.  I knew that somewhere between her legs there
was an opening which had welcomed my father's penis into her.  I wanted
mine in her too but I didn't know how to get it in her.  Each stab was met
with unyielding flesh somewhere down there and each painful thrust caused
me to grunt.  I was wild with desire, not knowing what I was doing,
instinctively trying to find the place where I could push my penis into
her.

   "Stop, David.  Lift up," she whispered.

   I lifted my hips so that my penis wasn't touching her.  She reached down
between our bodies, bent it down, positioned the head so that it was in
something wet and warm between her legs, and gently tugged on it.  I held
still, hardly believing that she wanted me to push it into her but wanting
so much to do it.  She bent herself almost in half, locked her legs around
my waist, and then put both her hands on my butt and pulled.  I relaxed and
let my penis slide inside her, into her hot wet living flesh and I knew
nothing except the exquisite feelings of having my penis sunk to my
testicles inside her.

   By instinct, I began to move my penis in and out of her vagina.  I
wasn't thinking anymore.  I wasn't trying to decide what I wanted or what
she wanted.  I was doing what my body knew to do and had to do to release
my semen inside her.  After only a few thrusts, my orgasm boiled up inside
me, and I spurted again and again deep in her vagina.  I groaned with the
exquisitely-painful pleasure as something inside me squeezed my semen out
of me and into the depths of her.

   With the first spurt, she went wild and started keening shrilly and
bucking her pelvis against mine so hard it was almost painful.  As my
orgasm faded, hers began and I felt her vagina clenching and relaxing
around the head and shaft of my penis.  I knew that what we had done was
the way sex was between a man and a woman and it was good and right and
wonderful.

   Slowly my body lost its tenseness and I relaxed on top of her, barely
supporting myself on my elbows, with my cheek touching hers and my sweaty
chest against her sweaty breasts.  I lay there in complete surrender to
what I had just done, my penis still rock hard inside her.  She had her
arms and legs wrapped tightly around me and I knew she didn't want me to
move off her.  At length, she put her hands against my chest and gently
pushed.  I lifted up so that my face was above hers, my eyes locked with
hers.

   A drop of sweat fell from the tip of my nose onto her cheek.  I leaned
down and licked it away and then licked back to her ear lobe and down her
throat to her chest.  I pushed up on my elbows, bent my neck and then
sucked her nipples into little erections again.  After a minute or so, I
relaxed on top of her again, my face only inches from hers.

   "Aimee," I whispered, using her middle name by which my father always
called her.  To me, she had always been Mother.  I hoped she wasn't
offended to hear me say it.

   "Are you Michael?" she asked, her face showing confusion, barely
whispering.

   I didn't know what she meant and I didn't know where the words of my
reply came from.  They simply flowed out of me.

   "Yes, Aimee, I'm Michael.  I'm part Michael, your husband, who loves you
eternally beyond all time and space and always will.  I'm also part you,
part Aimee, who loves Michael the same way.  And I'm David too, created out
of the love Michael and Aimee have for each other.  I'm David who wants to
love you so that you stop hurting so much.  He loves you too."

   I was confused.  My answer didn't sound like me.  I had never been as
eloquent as my father in speaking.  The words reflected what I wanted to
say but they weren't my words.

   She looked deep into my eyes, searching for something.  I knew I was
both Michael and Aimee.  I loved both of them.  I was also David, conceived
inside her from her egg and Michal's sperm.  I wanted so much to love her
as Michael had loved her once upon a time about fifteen years ago.  I
wanted so much to ease her pain from her loss of Michael.

   "Make love to me, Michael...David, whoever you are.  Make love to me
please."

   My penis was still hard after one orgasm.  I began moving my hips again,
as slowly as possible, luxuriating in feeling her warm wet vagina gripping
my penis as it slid eagerly into and out of her.  I held my head above
hers, smiling slightly at her and looking deep into her eyes and my hips
slowly moving my hard penis in her welcoming vagina.  If her face reflected
what she was feeling, then she was experiencing as much pleasure as I was.

   The wonder that I felt was like nothing I had ever experienced before. I
had experimented with lots of ways of masturbating but none could compare
with feeling her vagina gripping my penis as it moved in her.  She wrapped
her legs forcefully around my waist with her heels on my butt, encircled me
with her arms, and pulled my chest down against her soft breasts.  For a
moment, I found it hard to move my penis in and out of her but then my body
knew to use an undulating movement of my hips that drew my penis almost out
of her and then pushed it back in until my testicles came to rest against
her soft ass cheeks.

   "Aimee, oh, Aimee," I groaned.

   "Yes, Michael, David, whoever you are," she whispered in my ear.  "Make
love to me.  Fuck me.  Please, I need it.  It's been so long."

   I surrendered to doing what my body demanded and pistoned in and out of
her wet warm depths, much longer this time, until I came again and poured
out my life in her.  I didn't feel her vagina squeezing around my penis
this time and I wondered whether she had come or not.  I didn't know what
to do.  For at least a while, my penis was too sensitive to continue but I
wanted her to come a second time also.

   I was about to ask her what she wanted me to do when something father
had told me came back to me.  My father had told me many times that a real
man takes the responsibility for his own actions.  He said that I should
never have unprotected sex with a girl and that I must use a condom if I
wished to avoid becoming a father.  Just that thought was enough to deflate
my penis but I couldn't bring myself to take it out of her.  I raised my
head over hers and stared in her smiling eyes.

   "Aimee," I said and then, "Mother, I'm sorry.  I shouldn't have done
this.  I shouldn't have come in you.  What if I've made you pregnant?"

   She pulled my head back down so my cheek was against hers and whispered
in my ear.

   "Michael," she said and then, "David, don't worry about that."

   She told me that after I was born, she and Michael had wanted to have
another child as soon as possible.  She had nursed me for almost eight
months, all the while having unprotected sex with my father.  When I was
two and she had not conceived again, she had gone to her doctor who ran all
sorts of tests and then told her she likely would never have another child.
She was heartbroken because she wanted more children.  They had not used
any contraceptives for the next ten years and she had never gotten pregnant
again.

   When she was through whispering, I lifted my head above hers again and
looked at her eyes, still smiling with love.  She put her hands on each
side of my head, drew my face down to hers, and kissed me again.  I felt
her tongue touch my lips and I opened to her and slowly sank deeper into
her and kissing her and loving her.  I felt my penis begin to respond and I
began to move my hips slightly.  She put her hands on my behind and held me
still.

   "Who are you?  Tell me, please." she asked pleading.  "Are you Michael
or are you David?  I've got to know."

   I wanted to tell her that I was just her son, David.  I didn't
understand how she could think I was Michael, her husband.  I wanted
someday to be worthy of my father but I knew that I wasn't yet.  I knew I
had to tell her that I was just David.

   "He's going to be a strong man, Aimee, a good man," I said.  "Just love
him.  Never let your love for him waiver.  He will make you proud of him
some day."

   That wasn't what I had intended to say and again I didn't know where the
words came from.  I closed my eyes and shook my head in confusion.  I
struggled to retrieve the words I wanted to say to her.

   "Just love me, Aimee.  Please love me."

   "I love you, David," she finally said.  "I shouldn't love you like this
but I can't help myself.  We really shouldn't do this, you know."

   "I know but just one more time, Aimee, please, just one more time."

   I looked in her eyes, hoping that she would see the pleading in mine. 
Then she shook her head from side to side and smiled and I didn't know what
to do.

   "No, David," she said.  "You've come twice in just a few minutes.  It
won't kill you if I don't let you do it again.  You should enjoy the
journey and not rush to the finish line.  Someday you're going to find a
woman to love and she'll teach you the difference between fucking and
making love."

   She put her hands against my chest, rolled slightly to one side, and
then pushed.  I reluctantly withdrew my still-hard penis from her and
rolled over beside her on my back.

   "Are you ever going to let me do it again, like maybe tonight?" I asked.

   "No, David, listen to me.  You must learn to go slow and try to please
me as well as you.  You should make sure a woman enjoys having sex with
you. Girls aren't going to like you if you go bang, bang, whew."

   "You didn't like what I did?" I asked, confused.  "You came the first
time; didn't you?"

   "Yes, David.  I came but I was close to an orgasm when you walked in. 
I'm not being critical of you, David.  I wouldn't have expected anything
more from someone your age, with your lack of experience."

   "I just want to love you, Aimee.  I've listened to you cry too many
times at night."

   "David, you may call me Aimee when we're together but don't ever do it
around anyone else.  Then you must call me Mother."

   "Yes, Aimee."

   "Now, I want you to go take a shower and don't use all the hot water.  I
think I need to shower again too."

   "We could shower together.  That will save the hot water."

   "No, David.  We've done enough for this time.  You've got to give me
time to think."

   "Yes, Aimee."

   I heard her say "for this time" and that was enough to convince me that
there would be a next time.

   "Aimee, when I hear you crying at night, I want so much to come in your
room and get in bed with you and just hold you and love you so you don't
hurt so much.  Would you let me do that?  I promise I'll be good."

   "David, you're not bad.  If I let you, you'll get aroused and get an
erection and want to have sex with me again.  I was very vulnerable when
you came in here while I was so...what's the word Michael liked to
use...horny?  Please, don't push me.  Let me think about what we've done."

   About a week later, I was again awakened by the sound of crying.  I
could tell she was trying to muffle it but I knew what the faint sounds
were.  Her bedroom door was closed and so was mine but the sounds were
clear enough.  I was sleeping in the nude as usual but I knew I shouldn't
go to her naked.  I just wanted to do something, to hold her and tell her I
loved her, anything to keep her from crying.

   My desk and bed made a V in one corner of my small bedroom.  I sat up on
the bed, turned on the light on my desk, and rummaged through the drawers
of the desk until I found what I wanted: a jock strap, some compression
shorts, and some pajamas.  I'd worn the pajamas once when I was first given
them and never since.  I stood up and put on the jock strap first.  It was
certainly tight enough.  I tried a few arrangements of my testicles and
penis to see which was the most likely to restrain my penis and I chose the
one with it bent down over my testicles.  Then I put on the compression
shorts.  They were certainly tight enough too.  I rubbed my hand over the
mound between my thighs.  I couldn't believe my penis could become erect
bent down and with two restraints.  Then I put on the pajama bottoms to
hide everything underneath and turned to go to her room.

   She was standing in the open door to my room watching me.  She had on a
white nightgown that came half way down her thighs.  I wanted to see if she
had on the same sort of white cotton panties but if she did they were
hidden.  Her hair was wild and her face looked like she had been crying. 
She was still beautiful.

   "What are you doing, David?" she whispered.  "Why did you put all those
things on?"

   "I was about to come to your room," I said.  "I just wanted to hold you
and tell you I love you and maybe you'd stop crying.  I put these on so I
couldn't get an erection."

   She stood and looked at me for a minute or so, unsmiling, her eyes
narrowed, her lips clenched.  I didn't know what she wanted me to do. 
Finally she decided.

   "Take them off," she said.

   I wanted to take them off.  I knew she wanted to make love with me again
and I quickly obeyed her.  I pushed the pajama bottoms down and stepped out
of them, then stuck my hands in the side of the compression shorts and
peeled them down to my knees.  I pulled one leg out and used my foot to
push the shorts down so I could step out of them.  I stopped, standing
there in just the bulging jock strap.  I didn't know what she wanted but I
knew what I wanted.

   "Take off your nightgown," I said.

   She showed surprise on her face but she pulled her nightgown over her
head and dropped it on the floor.  She didn't have on any panties.  She was
completely naked.  I looked at her for a moment and then stripped my jock
strap off.  I watched her watching me as my penis quickly became erect.  I
could feel my foreskin creeping back partway as usual as it stood up.  I
reached down and pulled back until the head was fully exposed.  Only then
did she look up at my face.

   She tossed her hair back out of her face and then ran her hands down
over her breasts, her small firm breasts with hard nipples where I had
nursed.  She dropped her hands down farther to the juncture of her legs,
framing her small dark pubic patch only a hand's width across.

   She wasn't Mother; she was Woman and I wanted her.  I stood transfixed
when she walked over to me.  She pressed against me and held me, her soft
breasts against my chest, her hands on my shoulders, and my hard penis
against her stomach.  I realized we were almost exactly the same height now
and maybe I was a little taller.

   "We're going to turn out the light, David," she said.  "We're going to
make love in your bed, in the dark, not in the bed where Michal made love
to me.  I shouldn't have done it there with you.  Do you want to?"

   Did I want to?  I wanted to so much it hurt.  I barely breathed, "Yes."

   "I want you to make love to me like your father did, David.  He played
me like a violin sometimes.  He drove me out of my mind before he ever put
his penis in me.  Do you want to do that?"

   "Yes, Mother, I...

   She cut me short.  "I'm not Mother now, David.  I'm Aimee.  Don't you
ever call me Mother again when we're in bed together.  Do you understand?

   "Yes, Aimee."

   She released me and I turned out the light and my room was instantly as
dark as a cave.  When I was ten, in a moment of insanity, I had talked her
into letting me paint my room a dark midnight blue, almost black, and
putting a shade on my one window which blocked out all light.

   We were standing beside my bed inches apart but I couldn't see her.  I
felt her groping for something on my bed and then she stepped back and
dropped my pillow at my feet.  I had no idea why she had put the pillow
there.  Then she put her hands on my sides, knelt down on the pillow, and
slid her hands down to my hips.  I knew about oral sex, had done it a few
tunes with some of my buddies, but I couldn't believe that she would do it
to me.

   "Put your hands on my shoulders and keep them there," she said.  I
obeyed her command.

   Then she put one hand on my penis, held it down, slid the foreskin back,
and took the head in her mouth.  I stopped breathing for a moment.  Her
hand began to move rapidly back and forth on the shaft.  Her mouth began
sucking on the head.  Her tongue began licking on the sensitive spot where
my foreskin is tied to the head.  I realized that she had to know that what
she was doing was going to make me come.  In probably less than a minute, I
came in her mouth.  She kept her mouth on my penis and swallowed rapidly.
When I had shot my last into her mouth she milked my penis down a couple of
times and swallowed again.

   My knees almost buckled.  I couldn't believe what had just happened. 
Finally she stood up, pressed against me again, and sought out my mouth
with hers.  I put my hands on her back and pulled her against me.  When I
felt her tongue touch my lips, I opened to her and she kissed me for a few
seconds.  Then she put her tongue in my mouth and I tasted my own semen.  I
knew she had not swallowed all of it and wanted me to taste what I had
spurted in her mouth.

   "Let's get in your bed, David," she whispered.  "Now it's your turn to
do me."

   Do her?  I had no idea how to do her.  What did she mean?  Some of the
older boys had bragged to us younger ones of performing oral sex on girls.
I had a vague idea of how it was done.

   "I don't know how," I whispered.

   "You're about to learn," she said.

   I sat down on the side of my bed.  She pushed me back so I swung my legs
up and stretched out on my bed.  She crawled over me to my right side and
lay down on her left side turned toward me, one leg over mine and one hand
on my chest.  I turned my head in her direction but I could see nothing.

   "I loved to do that to your father, David," she whispered.  "Does that
surprise you?"

   "I don't know," I whispered.

   "I loved him, David.  I think I loved him as much as it is humanly
possible to love someone else.  He was so hard and muscular and I loved
everything about his body, including his penis.  His was bigger than
average and I guess yours is going to be big too."

   She moved her hand down and wrapped it around my penis.  It was still
engorged but not quite hard.  She stroked it a few times and I could feel
it becoming hard again.

   "I hope so.  I loved him too, you know.  I want to be just like him, I
mean in every way, not just my penis."

   "I hope you are, David.  He was a good man."

   She moved her hand down and cupped it under my testicles.  She played
with them and then moved her hand back up to my penis.  I finally realized
she was waiting for me to say something.

   "I know.  He was a great father."

   "I liked to suck his penis and then swallow his semen, David.  I liked
knowing it was going to become part of me.  Sometimes I'd hold it in my
mouth and kiss him and we both swallowed it.  He never refused to kiss me
when I had his semen in my mouth.  Would you do that?"

   She began to stroke my penis, slowly this time, not fast like she did
when she had her mouth on the head.  It felt wonderful to have her hand
doing it.

   "I don't know.  I've never done it.  If I knew you wanted me to, I guess
I would."

   "He would lick my pussy for what seemed like hours sometimes.  I would
have orgasms again and again.  I loved for him to do that."

   "Do you want me to do it?"

   "Do you want to?"

   "Yes." I had no idea how to do it but I knew I wanted to.

   "Good.  That's a wonderful way to show your love for each other, David.
I loved to have his penis in my mouth.  He loved to have his mouth on my
pussy."

   "At the same time?"

   "Occasionally, but it's better when only one person is doing it. 
Sometimes he would do it first; sometimes I would."

   "I'd like to do it but I don't know how."

   "I'll show you."

   She rolled over so that she was on her back and I could tell that she
had raised her knees and spread her legs.  I knew that the next move was up
to me.  I scrambled around and started to put my head between her legs but
I realized there was something I wanted to do first, something I wanted to
say to her.

   I blindly sought out her face and her lips and kissed her and then
lowered my face down so my cheek was against hers.

   "Aimee," I whispered, "I want you to stop mourning for my father.  It's
been almost two years since he was killed.  When he was alive, you were
always happy, even when he was gone.  You and Grandmother and I planted
flowers every spring.  We even planted a vegetable garden.  Now there are
no flowers.  There are no fresh vegetables.  You're sad all the time and
you hardly ever smile.  I want you to be the way you were before."

   I lowered my body so my hard penis was against her stomach and pressed
down with my hips.  I wanted her to feel how hard it was and how much I
wanted her.

   "Aimee, please start thinking about another man.  Father wouldn't want
you to live without love.  I don't want you to.  You've got to turn him
loose.  I know there are lots of good men out there in this world.  You've
got to start thinking about them and find one."

   "David, I don't think there could ever be another man like your father.
Maybe you will be.  He was my dream man and I knew the moment I saw him I
wanted to be his wife.  When we first made love, it seemed like I was
complete for the first time in my life.  I think we became one and it was
so good.  Sometimes after that, it would happen again.  We became one,
David.  I don't know I can ever have that with another man."

   I didn't understand what she was talking about.  Maybe I couldn't become
one with her but I wanted to try.  I rubbed my erection against her stomach
a time or two.

   "Aimee, I'll stop right now.  I'll go in the bathroom and masturbate. 
You can go back to your bed and do the same thing.  Just tell me you'll
start thinking of another man and I'll never try to make love to you
again."

   I moved back and forth a few more times.  I could feel her soft pubic
hair tickling my testicles.  My penis must have been drooling on her
stomach.  The skin on her stomach was slicker than before.

   "David, I'll start thinking about it," she whispered.  "But I don't want
you to stop.  You've got to help me.  I need...I need a man.  You're a man
now.  I need you."

   "Just tell me what you want me to do, Aimee," I said.

   "I will, David, but I want to talk to you first.  Do you know what it
means to let the beast loose?"

   "No."

   "That was how Michael described what he did sometimes.  I loved it when
he was slow and gentle and sweet with me.  I loved it when he let his beast
loose.  When he did that, he fucked me so hard and fast, I think I could
have shot off a cannon beside him and he would not have heard it.  Once we
even broke the bed down and we rolled on the floor and he kept fucking me
until he came.  I loved to be fucked like that sometimes.  You should learn
when to let your beast loose.  You should think about the girl or woman
you're with and make love to her until she lets you know she wants you to
let your beast loose."

   "How will I know?"

   "I'm not going to teach you, David.  I want you to think about what I've
said.  Make love to a woman, David.  Don't just fuck her.  There's a
difference.  I want you to be as wonderful a lover as your father but I
don't think it's my place to teach you."

   "I'll try to learn, Aimee."

   "I know you will.  Now I want you to move down on the bed and put a
pillow under my hips.  I want you to lick my pussy like Michael did, mon
petite mimi, as he called it.  Think about how I react and see if you can
give me an orgasm."

   I did.  I lay down between her spread legs with most of my long legs off
the end of my bed.  She raised her knees and put just her fingertips on
each side of my head.  I had enough sense not to rush directly to her
pussy. I licked and kissed my way up one soft thigh and then the other,
gradually moving closer and closer to the mysterious something between her
legs.  I licked the juncture of one leg with her body and then the other.
Finally I took a deep breath, and with it, inhaled something I'd never
smelled before: the scent of an aroused woman.  The scent went straight
through me to my penis.  I was ready to lick her pussy.  I wanted to taste
it.  I wanted to lick it until she let me know she wanted my penis inside
her and then I wanted to let my beast loose with her and fill her to
overflowing with my semen.  Instinctively I wanted to do what all men want
to do to a woman: I wanted to impregnate her.

   Blindly I moved my face closer to her, felt my cheek touch the back of
her hand, moved to the other side, felt the other hand, and knew she was
guiding my explorations and wanted my tongue licking between her hands.

   Without the sense of sight, my other senses were probably enhanced. 
When I smelled the scent of her arousal, I became more aroused too.  When I
licked her in long strokes and savored the taste of her arousal, my penis
became even more of a steel rod, aching to be inside her and find relief.
When I heard her moan, I knew I was doing something right.

   Her fingertips gently guided my head and my tongue to where she wanted
it and I felt the little protrusion of her clitoris.  I'd read about it and
how elusive and sensitive it was so I concentrated my efforts there and her
moans told me that was what she wanted.  Suddenly I felt her body tense and
her hands pulled my head tightly against her and I knew she was coming.

   I let her rest for a moment and then lowered my head back down.  I
wanted to make love to her but I wanted to please her even more.  I started
licking her again and then tried sucking her little clitoris into my mouth.
That worked.  I gave her a second orgasm before she pulled me on top of her
and guided my penis into her little pussycat.

   "Be slow," she whispered, and I was.  I wanted to let my beast loose but
I wanted to please her even more.  For a while, I restrained myself and
just slid my penis slowly into her and just as slowly pulled it out.  That
was good, so damned good, but she wanted it differently.

   She pushed me off her, scrambled around, kicked me a few times in the
process, and finally was still.  "Fuck me from behind," she whispered.  I
felt for her body and realized she was on her hands and knees and that she
wanted me behind her.  I quickly changed position but then I realized there
were two openings in front of me, one I didn't want and one I did.  I
didn't know how to get my penis in the right one.  Maybe she understood I
had no experience in finding a woman's pussy in this position in the dark.
She reached her hand back between her legs and guided my blind beast into
her cave.

   I shut my eyes and let my mind go away and I was nothing but hard penis
sliding in and out of wet hot vagina.  Somehow I remembered her instruction
to go slow and I did for a while.  But there came a moment when I felt the
first stirrings of an orgasm and I let my beast out of its dark cave and
began to fuck her unmercifully.  I held her tightly by her hips and pounded
into her.  Each time I shoved my penis in I heard a loud slap as our bodies
collided and then a grunt from her followed a split-second later.  When I
began to come, I shoved my penis in to my balls and held her by her hips
while I squirted again and again in the depths of her.

   After that night, she came in my bedroom every week or so and she was
Aimee to me and I was Michael and David to her.  Every day, she was Mother
to me and she made me do my lessons and my chores.  For almost three
months, we made love on those occasions for hours and then slept late the
next day.  Her use of alcohol seemed to lessen and I suppose her use of
drugs did too.

   Then one morning, she was gone.  She left me a note.  It contained only
one sentence.  "I love you, David, but I must leave you."

   TO BE CONTINUED:



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