Celestial Reviews 339 – September 11, 1999 Note: Occasionally good writers stop writing stories for this newsgroup. If you rarely or never respond to authors, then THIS IS YOUR FAULT! What in the world do you think keeps an author going? You can call it ego or whatever you want to call it. I call it the Blowjob Principle. Simply stated, if a person expects to get a second blow job, the recipient should make the giver glad to have performed the first. Applied to these stories, if you like a story, take the trouble to say so. Some writers on this newsgroup are incoherent and don't intend to improve. If they give up and go away, that's fine with me. But there are good writers who have already abandoned this newsgroup and others who will do so, because there's nothing in it for them. I'm not suggesting that you kiss up to the authors. But if you enjoy a story that you obtained for free, why not take two minutes to give the author some feedback? I don't think most authors want idle flattery; but they write stories with the hope that they are getting a reaction - for example, they may want to make people happy. They'll never know they have succeeded unless somebody tells them so. Second note: Police officer George and officer Mary were assigned to walk the beat. They had only been out a short while when Mary said, "Damn, I was running late this morning and forgot to put on my panties! We have to go back to the station to get them." George replied, "We don't have to go back. Just give Fido my trusty police dog one sniff, and he will go fetch them for you." It was a hot day and Mary didn't feel like heading back to the station, so she lifted her skirt for the dog. Fido's nose shoots between her legs, sniffing and snorting. After 10 seconds of sniffing, Fido's ears pick up, he sniffs the wind, and he is off in a flash towards the station house. Five minutes go by and no sign of Fido. Ten minutes pass, and the dog is nowhere to be seen. Fifteen minutes pass, and they are starting to worry. Twenty minutes pass, and they hear sirens in the distance. The sirens get louder and louder. Suddenly, followed by a dozen police cars, Fido rounds the corner with the Desk Sergeant's balls in his mouth! Third note: A man walks up to a woman at his workplace and tells her that her hair really smells nice. The woman, in a huff, immediately goes into her supervisor's office and tells him that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit and explains what had occurred. The supervisor is puzzled by this and says, "What's wrong with the co-worker telling you your hair smells nice." The woman replies, "He's a midget!" ===================== Celestial Reviews Index: ===================== "Bookends" by jcx (philosopher in heat) 10, 9.5, 9.5 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=518026798 "Mall Strut" by Maria Gonzales (slutty exhibitionism) 9.5, 6, 6 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=515281509 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=515281513 "Timestop" by Orion (mostly voyeurism) 8, 4, 4 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=515603473 "Hot Welcome" by Artie (food and sex) 10, 9, 9 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=517303008 "Change of Pace" by C.J. (romance) 5, 5, 5 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=476423165 "Intimate Adventures" by Wiseguy (hot sex therapy) 10, 10, 10 http://freehosting7.at.web1000.com/16c1d940e/wi/wiseguy-web1000/IntAdv1.htm http://freehosting7.at.web1000.com/16c1d940e/wi/wiseguy-web1000/IntAdv2.htm http://freehosting7.at.web1000.com/16c1d940e/wi/wiseguy-web1000/IntAdv3.htm http://freehosting7.atweb1000.com/16c1d940e/wi/wiseguy-web1000/IntAdv4.htm http://freehosting7.at.web1000.com/16c1d940e/wi/wiseguy-web1000/IntAdv5.htm http://freehosting7.at.web1000.com/16c1d940e/wi/wiseguy-web1000/IntAdv6.htm "If This World Were Mine" by Anthony Matthews (romantic incest) 6, 8, 8 http://www.mrdouble.com/htm/raauthors/nlsoldier/weremine.htm ===================== Guest Reviews: ===================== "Laura in Green" by Shon Richards (romance). Myers: http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=435471167 "Forever Yours -- Night Flight" by Artie (Intelligent Mind Control). Fiddler: 9.5, 8, 7 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=412716772 "Do You Trust Me?" by Kelly Adams (mild bondage). Mary: 8, 8, 9 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=516967410 "My Wife Lisa" by Spiller (slutty sex). Nick: 6, 6, 5 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=493648321 "Magic Dust" by Artie (romantic mind control). DocRock: 9, 10, 10 ===================== Reposted Reviews: ===================== * "Ripe" by Bronwen (pregnant sex) 10, 10, 10 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=315359764 * "The Sad, Bad Man" by Bronwen (romance) 10, 10, 10 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=281137010 ===================== Here are the Reviews: ===================== "Bookends" by jcx (jcx100@hotmail.com). http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=518026798 Ronnie is a philosophy professor. Jeannie is a neighbor lady who is enamored with his words of wisdom, but who has taken up the habit of writing obscene notes to him in a magic marker across the pages of books that she returns to him. Being the shy, withdrawing sort of chap that we usually find in the lecture halls of European universities, Ronnie is reluctant to confront Jeannie directly about these messages. So he jerks off in the toilet and wanders about his apartment in a state of extraordinary confusion – which is what most philosophers do anyway, I suppose. I mean, if they were doing something more productive, wouldn't they have discovered the meaning of life by now? The story reminded of the style of Edgar Alan Poe, the morbidly philosophical or philosophically morbid poet, short-story writer, and drunk who died in the gutters of Baltimore in the 19th century. By this I mean I felt that I was actually inside the mind of a really dysfunctional person whose limits were being pressed by the lovely but phantasmagoric student who had decided to prey on him. As I read the story, it even occurred to me that none of this was really happening: the lady was just an interested student who was devoted to her studies and the loony professor was engaging in fantasies about here. Or maybe not. Of course, none of this really happened, Celeste: it's a goddam piece of fiction. But it's good when a story gets me all wrapped up like that. Ratings for "Bookends" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 9.5 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9.5 "Mall Strut" by Maria Gonzales (maria1971@aol.com). http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=515281509 http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=515281513 The narrator has lost a bet with her husband, and so she has to do what he wants her to do for a whole day. Had she won, he would have been painting and doing all kinds of chores around the house. But she lost, and now she's spending her day at the mall, looking like a whore and playing the role of a slut. Surprisingly to her, but not to those of us who read alt.sex.stories and subscribe to the "inner slut" school of pop psychology, she enjoys playing this game. It's Chicken Soup for the Slut's Soul, if sluts have souls. So hubby slips her instructions at the mall, which she follows, while taking time off to get propositioned by the bisexual lady masturbating in the restroom. Understandably, a throng of admirers follow her through her perambulations. Hubby eventually instructs her to accompany some of her admirers to their place for an orgy and then to belatedly accept the invitation of the bisexual from the restroom. At the end of the day, she is thrilled at the new vistas that have opened for her – the opportunity to let the caged animal out and to let her inner slut have its way; and she hopes her husband will do likewise. In short, it's kind of like those x-rated videos that have no plot other than the notion of having as much sex as possible. Maria originally posted this story when I was on hiatus. She precedes this repost with a note that this was an early story that she has revised this story to correct some of its flaws, and she thinks she has learned a lot since then. I agree. Her more recent stories give the characters a lot more character. Ratings for "Mall Strut" Athena (technical quality): 9.5 Venus (plot & character): 6 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 6 "Timestop" by Orion. http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=515603473 The author has somehow achieved the ability to make time stand still. I recall a movie in which a bunch of adolescent boys were talking about what they could do if they could make time stand still. One of them said, "I could freeze the action in the girls' locker room and go in and see all their tits, and they wouldn't even know I was there." The boys giggled merrily at this adolescent suggestion and wolfed down some more beer and smoked some more cigarettes and puked their brains out. So here I have in front of me a story called "Timestop" by a mature author, writing for the mature readers of the alt.sex.stories newsgroup. Now I'll be able to see how this topic is handled in an adult forum. Actually, the guy sneaks into a school office in which he has frozen time and gets naked while he gazes at the tits of the women frozen in that room. He goes a little further – crawling under the desks to look at their pussies and measuring one lady's nipples with a ruler on her desk. Then he wanders about the school building, cupping a lot of breasts, smearing precum on the lips of a lovely young lass, and even inserting his cock into the mouth of a girl who had been caught in mid-yawn in English class when time froze. His tour de force is rearranging the clothing of one of the teachers, so that when time resumes the 30 or so students will be staring at her private parts. It's difficult to believe that this is the most imaginative way in which this timestop idea could be developed in a sex story. Ratings for "Timestop" Athena (technical quality): 8 Venus (plot & character): 4 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 4 "Hot Welcome" by Artie (artie@netgate.net). http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=517303008 Our narrator has two loves in his life: one is Jackie and the other is spicy food. In this story he combines them both. To make a long story short, he goes out for a really great spicy, hot, chili meal, and then discovers that Jackie has returned early from her business trip. He goes to her place and starts eating her out and then fucking her while she is still asleep. They discover that the aftertaste of the chili adds something special to their lovemaking. Ratings for "Hot Welcome" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 9 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9 "Change of Pace" by C.J. (THE1ANDONLYcjosef@ametro.net). http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=476423165 Ursula is a beautiful 22-year-old woman who is blind. She asks the narrator to pleasure her, and he does. He looks forward to more loving activity with her. The author asked for advice, and I encourage friendly readers to give it to him. There is a foundation of a good story here, but the author needs to work on the grammar and the development of details. Too many things happen in this story without a hint of an explanation. Sometimes that's good, but in this case it's confusing. The author would obviously like to improve, and an important first step would be sharing the manuscript of the next story with someone else before posting it. Perhaps C.J. would be willing to reciprocate by giving his critic some friendly advice in return. Ratings for "Change of Pace" Athena (technical quality): 5 Venus (plot & character): 5 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5 "Intimate Adventures" by Wiseguy (wiseguy35@my-deja.com ). http://freehosting7.at.web1000.com/16c1d940e/wi/wiseguy-web1000/IntAdv1.htm http://freehosting7.at.web1000.com/16c1d940e/wi/wiseguy-web1000/IntAdv2.htm http://freehosting7.at.web1000.com/16c1d940e/wi/wiseguy-web1000/IntAdv3.htm http://freehosting7.atweb1000.com/16c1d940e/wi/wiseguy-web1000/IntAdv4.htm http://freehosting7.at.web1000.com/16c1d940e/wi/wiseguy-web1000/IntAdv5.htm http://freehosting7.at.web1000.com/16c1d940e/wi/wiseguy-web1000/IntAdv6.htm Bob and Helen have received from their friends a guest membership to Intimate Adventures, a unique kind of counseling service. The organization's clients are all couples who are in strong, committed relationships and who would like to take their relationship to a deeper, more satisfying level. Intimate Adventures helps them to do this by arranging safe opportunities for them to have new and exciting romantic experiences. When Bob hears this, his bullshit detector self-activates. The counselor deals with Bob's defensiveness effectively, and Bob and Helen experience growth in sexual togetherness. Early in part 2 I discovered that the facilitator is also a hypnotherapist. I admit to having a problem with hypnosis stories. I have often wondered about this reaction of mine, and I have concluded that my reaction itself is part of a post-hypnotic suggestion imposed on me by a nun who was trying to keep me a virgin but botched the job. But actually, this story has a more sensible view of hypnosis than many stories: the therapist did not get her training by reading a few books in the college library. Interestingly, the counselor mentions in passing Bob and Helen's Catholic religious background. Other than these sex stories, my own closest experience with anything like Intimate Adventures has been a Catholic Marriage Encounter. This was a retreat or sensitivity training workshop that took about two days and two nights. The couples leading the program kept emphasizing discussing our feelings honestly with our spouses, and couples kept showing up late for the sessions with shit-eating grins on their faces. The Catholic hierarchy may appear to be strict with regard to sex, but there were some wild Encounters that weekend. In fact, we fucked every which way I thought a monogamous couple could fuck – until I started reading these stories. Less interestingly, the author never does follow up on this religious connection, which therefore serve little useful purpose. This was an excellent story – a description of the ideal way to do marriage counseling or sex therapy. Although it sounds Utopian, I suspect this sort of thing will never happen in real life; attempts to implement this process would probably degenerate into anti-Utopias. But it certainly is fun to think that something like this could happen. Ratings for "Intimate Adventures" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 "If This World Were Mine" by Anthony Matthews (april301982@yahoo.com). http://www.mrdouble.com/htm/raauthors/nlsoldier/weremine.htm David has caught Angel giving a blowjob to one of his friends right on the couch were he had told her that he loved her. Now he's finished and telling his troubles to Carmen, his own little sister, who has grown up since he last noticed her. The siblings find themselves in a romantic atmosphere and conclude that Angel is a worthless bitch. The romantic words of "If This World Were Mine" by Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell enrich the ambience, and soon David and Carmen are humping in ecstasy. The grammar of this story sucks, in the negative sense of the word. In spite of that, it's still a very hot story. I think this is the author's first story. My advice is that he should get some help proofreading. If you like his work, offer to help him out. I think we'll see some good stories from this author. Ratings for "If This World Were Mine" Athena (technical quality): 6 Venus (plot & character): 8 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8 ===================== Guest Reviews: ===================== "Laura in Green" by Shon Richards (lordshon@aol.com). Guest review by Dave Myers. http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=435471167 This is a very lyrical fairy-tale-like story that can best be described as charming, much like the title character, Laura. Laura enters a scene that might as well be straight out of Cinderella's night at the ball. Our enchantress is one of those women that you just can't take your eyes off of. And the narrator of the action can't either, of course. What ensues involves a lot of clever tit for tat wordplay that some will find highly romantic, intellectually stimulating, and nicely different from most "mf rom" entries. Eventually, there is a steamy and fulfilling finish, which did not disappoint. The little touches here and there using literary quotes and elegantly turned phrases are handled well enough that a serious reader will enjoy them. But what I found most satisfying was the heightened sense of self-consciousness that the narrator portrays without sounding phony. That is not a simple thing to achieve in a short story in the first place, much less a story that is nominally sexual by nature. The tone of the story expects that the reader can handle a little delayed gratification and that he/she won't mind making the foreplay a little more cerebral than physical. Some may feel it goes too far in that direction, but I liked it. "Forever Yours -- Night Flight" by Artie (artie@netgate.net). Guest review by Fiddler. "Forever Yours" is a long story, "Night Flight" is one (presumably the first) episode in the story. http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=412716772 Tom is a harried executive in the computer field. On a night flight across the continent he meets Chris, an attractive woman who hypnotizes him into the first sleep he's ever enjoyed on an airplane. They begin an affair. The sex is fairly explicit as to actions, but the sensations are seldom described. We are assured that it is very satisfactory to the participants, however. The Mind Control is described from the controllee's perspective, so the mechanisms are not clarified to us anywhere in this story/episode. A reasonably imaginative reader, however, keeps ahead of the narrator. The method combines hypnotism and some chemical included in a perfume; there is a group of women using/dispensing this method to provide other women with the modern equivalent of a love potion. More will probably be described in later episodes, but it certainly sounds slightly less incredible than the usual MC method. On the other hand. The story feels like we should be more puzzled by what is happening than I was. And this is an episode in a story, not a story in a series. The ratings assume that the story will be finished, but rate only this episode. I don't know whether this story would be much more enjoyable to real fans of MC stories. It is more persuasive and less exploitative than most. But do aficionados appreciate that difference? Ratings for "Night Flight": Athena (technical quality): 9.5 Venus (plot & character): 8 Fiddler (appeal to this reviewer): 7 "Do You Trust Me?" by Kelly Adams (kelly_h_adams@hotmail.com) Guest Review by Mary Jorsay Gandmar (maryjg@finebody.com) http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=516967410 This brief narrative describes the author and her lady friend having sex. There's some light bondage, but nothing vicious; different sexual toys and aids are deployed (ice, fruit, a strap-on). It is the first time the narrator/author has experienced this kind of sex and the title reflects her surprise and pleasure. The story is unlabored. There is an attempt at atmosphere which I thought worked well. It was romantic, it was sexy, there was a lot of feeling in it. The sex isn't of the wham-bam variety but has a gentle, sensuous, undulating and even - dare I say it? - feminine quality. Structurally, too, it is sound. The formatting is neat, easy, done with reasonable care. The story codes are accurate. There is, however, one ghastly spelling bloomer: "dulldrums" for "doldrums". The sooner that's corrected the better. What bothered me, even on a re-read, was the redundant phrasing: "as of late" (lately; recently; would have been better);"needless to say" (why say it? much too formal); "I counted down the hours" (is there any other way? Why not "I counted the hours"?); "take a shower and clean up while she cleaned up the kitchen" (too many clean ups); "I couldn't see a thing; it was pitch black" (either would have done, one hardly needs both); and "my pussy was rather warm, and my body thrashed" (that really didn't work for me: the first part suggests mild arousal, the second excessive). Take this example: <snip> "Do you trust me?" she asked. The question hung there for a minute. My first impulse was to blurt out: 'of course I do!', but I could tell that she wanted me to seriously consider her words. Did I trust her? <snip> So far so good, nothing exceptionable there. Now this: <snip> "Yes," I replied, that one simple word saying volumes. I would trust my life, my very soul to this woman. <snip> Problem: because it's over-written, the sentence loses punch. I'm not trying to kill the writer's 'voice', but, wouldn't the following, perhaps, have been more effective? "Yes," I replied. I would trust my life, my very soul, to this woman. Or "Yes." I would trust my life, my very soul, to this woman. All that is needed, really, is some tightening. This doesn't necessarily mar the story. The description of two close friends enjoying sex and, more importantly, one of them succeeding in restoring some excitement to the relationship is still profoundly intimate. For me, personally, there was a resonance here, but that's another matter. Ratings for "Do You Trust Me?" ATHENA (Technical quality) : 8 VENUS (Plot & Character) : 8 MARY : (Appeal to Reviewer) : 9 "My Wife Lisa" by Spiller. (xxspillerxx@my-deja.com). Review by Nick (e-mail Nick@cassandra.demon.co.uk) http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=493648321 This story is welcome in that it is one of the very few I've read which is not by an American or a Brit. Having said that, there is no way of knowing this except from the grammatical errors which seem to me to be translational rather than ignorance of one's own language. I could be wrong, of course. It is about the discovery made by a 'prim' wife that she is really a down and dirty slut. She finds this after getting drunk at a party and getting involved, for the first time, in a threesome with her husband and his friend Per - 'everymans' fantasy. Thereafter it is more or less wall to wall sex, and since this is quite a long story (around 10,000 words) there is a lot of it. Personally I'm afraid I found it a bit of a chore to read, but if you want pure stroke and are tolerant of foreign idioms then you might enjoy it. My ratings for "My Wife Lisa" are: Athena (Technical) 6 Venus (Plot & Character)6 Appeal to me 5 "Magic Dust" by Artie (artie@netgate.net). At last! A story involving hypnosis which isn't about some geek finding a book in the library and miraculosly becoming a master hypnotist, dominating the girls who (probably wisely) won't have anything to do with him. THIS story is a romantic interlude with a loving couple, told from the man's perspective. The participants are unnamed, and the story starts with the wife, nude in the living room, inviting her spouse (one assumes) to lie on the floor beside her. She shows him a velvet pouch of "magic dust" and blows some in his face, whereupon he falls into a post-hypnotic trance, which SHE induced. A very tender and hot sex scene follows. There is a possible twist at the end; you'll have to read the story to understand what I mean. I highly recommend this story as a very good antidote to the hypnosis stories one usually finds in a.s.s. Ratings for "Magic Dust" Robert Fripp (Technical quality): 9 Madonna: (plot and character): 10 DocRock99 (appeal to reviewer):10 ===================== Reposted Reviews: ===================== * "Ripe" by Bronwen (bronwen@anon.nymserver.com). http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=315359764 I was once in a graduate course where, for some reason, the professor showed on the big screen a picture of a woman with really large breasts. I think the purpose was to demonstrate the impact of distractions on meaningful information. The professor asked us to summarize the contents of what we had seen and, of course, none of us could do this, because we were all overhelmed with the thought of those magnificent tits or related events. However, as soon as he asked the question, one lady shot her hand up, and said, "The whole thing reminded me of the value of motherhood." She was serious, but the rest of us howled with laughter. So in this story we have a women who is obscenely large, cradled like a peach in packaging, a pillow between her thighs, another under her belly, three supporting her head and shoulders, a melted pack of peas between the soles of her feet, sweating bullets in the hottest summer of hot summers, and yet she is beautiful. Maybe you have to have been there - or gotten somebody there; but pregnant sex can be beautiful, even in Great Britain. This is a very nice, romantic, sexy story. Ratings for "Ripe" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 * "The Sad, Bad Man" by Bronwen (bronwen@anon.nymserver.com). http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=281137010 Accustomed to the friendly variety of sex in a typical small town in the British Isles, Our Narrator has moved to London, where the risks are greater and hence the pickins are slimmer. Masturbation is no long-term solution, she says; it's like living on bar snacks. So she commutes back home for sex on weekends - until she meets Liam, which, incidentally, was John Wayne's name in "The Quiet Man," in which he returned from the United States to Ireland and beat the snot out of whoever played Maureen O'Hara's brother before they boinked happily ever after. Ah, theirs was a lust "as beautiful as a horse galloping up a hill on a bright morning, as the big breaker that throws you onto the beach. Beyond horny. Almost as pure as love." And then they fucked like magpies in heat - Bronwen says like a runaway train, but I know a better simile when I hear one. Thereafter, weekend followed weekend. Nearly every weekend they ran into each other. Never, not once, did they arrange to meet. But they met just the same. He drank too much, he owned nothing, he had a child he never saw. His life was without form, their talk was shallow. But sex with him was like a country western song in a pickup truck at a bus station - or like a fire burning, to use the author's more prosaic words. So how do we get from there to the last three lines: "Oh, love, you were a sad, bad man but I for one will never forget you. And you taught me one vital lesson. Always wear your heart on your sleeve. That way, at least it's legible." I guess you'll just have to read the story to find out. This is the best Bronwen story I have seen so far. And that's saying a lot. Ratings for "The Sad, Bad Man" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10 <end>