Celestial Reviews 333 - July 11, 1999
Note: "Say," said the smooth operator in a confidential tone to the host of the
party, "there's a lot of hot babes at this party. If I find one that's ready
to grab a quick one, would you mind if I used your extra bedroom?"
"What about your wife?"
"Oh, I won't be gone that long. She'll never miss me."
"No, I'm sure she won't miss you," smirked the host, "but fifteen minutes ago,
she borrowed the extra bedroom."
Second note: Goldie was sitting on a beach in Florida, attempting to strike up
a conversation with the attractive gentleman reading on the blanket beside
hers. "Hello, sir," she said, "Do you like movies?"
"Yes, I do," he responded, then returned to his book.
Goldie persisted. "Do you like gardening?"
The man again looked up from his book. "Yes, I do," he said politely before
returning to his reading.
Undaunted, Goldie asked. "Do you like pussycats?"
With that, the man dropped his book and pounced on Goldie, ravaging her as
she'd never been ravaged before.
As the cloud of sand began to settle, Goldie dragged herself to a sitting
position and panted, "How did you know that was what I wanted?"
The man thought for a moment and replied, "How did you know my name was
'Katz'?"
Third note: A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds
and the bees.
"I don't want to know!" Little Johnny said, exploding and bursting into tears.
Confused, his father asked Little Johnny what was wrong.
"Oh Pop," Johnny sobbed, "for me there was no Santa Claus at age six, no Easter
Bunny at seven, and no Tooth Fairy at eight. And if you're telling me now that
grownups don't really fuck, I've got nothing left to believe in!"
=====================
Celestial Reviews Index:
=====================
"A Charm" by Sidney Durham (nostalgic romance) 10, 10, 10
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=473585923
"A Methodical Woman" by Nessus (mind control & sex slavery) 6, 6, 6
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=490180507
"Pool Fun" by Swank (sex in the pool) 6, 6, 5
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=495843878
"Waiting" by Sylvia Douglas (female masturbation) 9, 8, 8
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=491849475
"Phone Sex Reality" by Lisa Ann (TG phone sex) 9, 8, 8
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=497039847
"Cousin Swap" by Titmouse (sex in a car) 10, 10, 10
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=497039849
"Liz" by Poison Ivan (prolonged one-nighter) 10, 9, 9
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=495041100
"Photogenic" by Wiseguy (hypnosis & romance) 10, 9, 9
http://freehosting7.at.web1000.com/wi/wiseguy-web1000/photogenic.htm
"Just an Ordinary Guy" by Varangian (bad sex with ugly woman)
9.5, 9, 9
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=491322777
"Better Way" by Terrence Smythe (time travel romantic sex) 10, 9, 9
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=482298458
"The Auction of July 18, 1999" by Shon Richards (sexual innuendo)
9, 10, 10
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=498139111
"Specially Prepared" by Elena
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=498282427
"Shit-Eating Grin" by Losgud
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=497927228
=====================
Guest Reviews:
=====================
"Trading Boardwalk" by Jack Handee (forced sexual activity).
BillyG: 19, 9, 8
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=496790837
"Worth A Thousand Words" by C.E.S. (artistic sex) Nick: 9, 9, 9
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=484455601
"The Win" by Spiller (romance). Tiramisu: 6, 8, 9
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=493648367
"Remedy" by Kristina Kepler (Harlequin romance) 5, 5, 2
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=487015487
=====================
Reposted Reviews:
=====================
* "Who'es-R-Us" by Rosa (rosa6262@yahoo.com) {surprise
auction} 9.5, 10, 10
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=439549557
* "A New Outlook on Life" by Rosa {sex in the barber shop} 9, 10, 10
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=445265104
=====================
Here are the Reviews:
=====================
"A Charm" by Sidney Durham (sidney_durham@my-dejanews.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=473585923
If I rated stories by the AMOUNT of sex in them, this one would be about a 2.
If I went by a combination of the QUANTITY AND QUALITY of the sex, the rating
would move up to about a 7. But since I go by the quality of the story, this
one gets a 10.
Don't get me wrong. This story IS sexy, but the sex is wonderfully integrated
into a good little story. It's a bit long on sentiment, but it's good
sentiment.
A word about the title. The story ends with the words "Three times." Three
times is a charm.
Read this story. I don't think you'll be sorry.
Ratings for "A Charm"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"A Methodical Woman" by Nessus.
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=490180507
James married Wendy for her money. She was 34; he was 23. Almost immediately he
started running around on her. Wendy is an important and successful
pharmaceutical researcher. She has access to experimental mind control drugs.
James's ass is grass. That's because this is a mind control and revenge story.
James will become a sex slave.
The story is mostly the usual femdom formula without much creativity. Just
humiliation piled upon humiliation, and it's all supposed to be great fun.
Ratings for "A Methodical Woman"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 6
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5
"Pool Fun" by Swank (kville@enter.net )
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=495843878
I have a confession to make. My husband is out of town. He is going to call me
tonight, and I need a good story to put me in the right frame of mind for phone
sex. This is my second story this evening, and all I can say is that I am
going to have to read at least one more.
Steve has a cushy job working for a borough of which his uncle is president in
Chicago. I may be wrong, but I don't think they have boroughs in Chicago, and I
think they call the people who run the wards aldermen. Either that or mobsters.
They all have "The" for their middle name: Joey "The Mole" Cioppone, Pete "The
Little Asshole" Smith, Guido "The Choirboy" Peterson. Ya can learn a lot if ya
have cable.
Anyway, Steve is out on a job for the borough and he sees Rachel. They discuss
each other's bodies and then have sex. In the swimming pool - hence the title.
It's her second time; his fourth.
The author wants comments. My main advice would be to make the setting a little
more authentic and to develop the personalities a little more. Then make the
sex a little less stereotypical - maybe make the repartee between the
characters a little more creative. Maybe the author should do some research -
no, not that kind - check out some of the authors who write really good stories
for this newsgroup and see what makes them tick. Then incorporate similar
techniques into the next story. My advice is to let this one go. Start over
anew - maybe in Pittsburgh.
Oh! And don't throw in important details out of order - like this one.
Seriously. You have potential. Take some pride in your work and do a better job
next time.
Ratings for "Pool Fun"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 6
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5
"Waiting" by Sylvia Douglas (sylvia_douglas@my-deja.com)
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=491849475
This one was a step in the right direction. The husband has made a bet with his
wife that she cannot go a full week without an orgasm. If she can do it, he'll
be her sex-slave for a day; otherwise, she'll be his.
It's a cute idea. However, building sexual tension for the reader while getting
close to an orgasm but not having it is a difficult task. The author works at
it, but she doesn't quite bring it off.
I KNOW I have reviewed another story with a similar plot - a man bets his wife
that she can't go for a certain time without an orgasm - but I can't remember
what that story was. If you can recall the title, I'd like to hear from you.
Ratings for "Waiting"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Phone Sex Reality" by Lisa Ann (lisaann69@aol.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=497039847
Feeling horny and frustrated, this story's protagonist has made a call to one
of those Hot Sex places with an advertisement that says, "Call Me If You Want
This Body!"
Remiss as I usually am to give away the plot, I am at a loss what to do next.
I think I'll put the matter on hold. I'm going to go and read the next
installment of "Doing it All Over" and then have phone sex with my husband when
he calls tonight. If it's a good night, the next paragraph will reveal the
plot.
So anyway, the guy gets the phone chick's really hot body. Literally. You have
to think carefully, but it's not that difficult. The ad said, "Call Me If You
Want This Body!" He calls, and he gets turned into a blonde bimbo with a really
hot body.
Now there's a slight flaw in this story. I know a woman who used to be in "the
business," and she assures me that these ads are often a bit misleading. The
person you talk to will never look like the one in the picture. The person you
talk to is really likely to be an ugly crack addict on probation, a frumpy
housewife changing diapers during the phone sex, or a nerdy college student who
is more turned on by the calculus she is studying than by anything coming
across the phone line. But hey, it's all a fantasy anyway; and $240 per hour is
hardly too much to dish out for sex with the diaper lady, especially if you can
have a vivid image of her as the blonde, inbred farmer's daughter with a sultry
voice who has been doing it with the sheep for so long that she baaaaadly needs
your rod and your staff anyplace you want to put it.
So anyway, this guy gets turned into a blonde bimbo with a pink Mustang who is
hot to trot. That last sentence could sound like bestiality. Actually, the
Mustang is a car and the guy who has become a girl is eager for sex.
The story ends by asking me if I want more. Well, no. I actually enjoyed the
story up to this point. It was a creative idea, but I suspect the author is
going to really screw things up by going into stereotypical nonsense. But hey!
I enjoyed it when I was fooled once already in this story; maybe the author can
pull it off again!
Ratings for "Phone Sex Reality"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Cousin Swap" by Titmouse (NiteSweats@aol.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=497039849
Two college guys have picked up some girls and have had sex in the car with
them. Then they decide to switch partners and do it again. The repeat sex is
extremely hot.
Here's some real-life advice: Switching partners without protection could be a
really dumb idea. You would greatly increase the possibility of getting AIDS or
another STD. We know that, but we suspend disbelief on this newsgroup. At the
same time, this switch comes across as an extremely sexy idea in this story.
In addition, anal sex can be really great. Believe me, I know. To make it work,
you need lots of lubrication, just like in this story. But it would be a really
bad idea to get the lubrication for the anal sex from the woman's vagina. A
really likely outcome would be a nasty infection. This is because there are
forms of germs on the front side that are harmless there but lead to bad
infections if they get transferred to the back side. While it sounds like fun
to do what Jody does in this story, it would be better to use some other source
of lubrication {such as KY lubricant} for the anal sex. The preceding may be
the most useful thing you will ever learn from me.
The above advice is boring but useful. My more immediate advice is to take a
look at this story. The author displays a good sense of timing, and introduces
banter between the partners that makes the activity really hot.
Ratings for "Cousin Swap"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Liz" by Poison Ivan (poisoniv1@hotmail.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=495041100
This story starts out as a barroom pickup story, but then it takes some unusual
twists. It's about sex, but it's certainly not jerk-off material.
Liz has some emotional problems, and there are some very good reasons behind
these problems. I was frustrated by the story, because it ended without a real
resolution; but then the point of the story was that some issues just don't get
resolved. In real life there are times when it is necessary to do something
more than fuck each other, and this is a story about one of those times.
However, even in those times, sex can play an important role, and this story
hits on that theme as well.
This was a good story. Just don't use it if your goal is to get yourself into
the mood to make the earth move tonight.
Ratings for "Liz"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Photogenic" by Wiseguy (wiseguy35@hotmail.com).
http://freehosting7.at.web1000.com/wi/wiseguy-web1000/photogenic.htm
David and Jen first met in the waiting room of a loan officer. They discovered
that the only way they could get their loans was to merge their business
propositions, and soon they had a successful photographic studio business.
After the first year, they decided to go into boudoir photography - sexually
explicit photography for individual clients, kind of like the glamour shots
many of the female readers will be familiar with, only more explicit. One thing
that I noticed was that the description of how to set up the business seemed to
be very plausible: perhaps a few readers will become wealthy by implementing
these ideas themselves.
The big twist is that Jen knows enough about hypnosis to make it an integral
part of their business. With Jen's help the clients get so turned on that they
pose wonderfully and obtain marvelous photographs. Business thrives. Then David
and Jen fall in love. It's a very sexy and romantic story.
My main complaint with this story is that hypnosis really doesn't work quite
the way this story makes it work. Jen learned all she needed to know about
hypnosis from a sorority sister. With this brief instruction Jen has become
capable of taking control of people's minds and making benevolent suggestions
to enrich their sex lives. It just ain't so.
However, the author's assumptions are easy to understand, and once you buy into
them, you'll easily be able to understand the story. If you want to enjoy it
even more, relax, breathe deeply, relax a little more, concentrate on your
pussy, let your pussy become you.... Oh shit! I was just trying to help you enjoy
the story, and I forgot that over half of you are guys! Oh well, it probably
didn't work anyway.
Ratings for "Photogenic"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Just an Ordinary Guy" by Varangian (ludmax9@hotmail.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=491322777
This a boring story. But that's OK: It's SUPPOSED to be boring. Our protagonist
is a geek who wants to lose his virginity. So he picks up Fat Betty in his car
and takes her out to Lover's Lane to have sex with her. She agrees to let him
fuck her, but only if he'll also do her in the ass. He agrees. It's not very
exciting, just very objective, the way it really would be if a guy were trying
to dump his virginity with a really ugly girl to whom he felt no attraction at
all.
Ratings for "Just an Ordinary Guy"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Better Way" by Terrence Smythe (http://www.asstr.org/~terrence_smythe).
Wow! Is this uncanny, or what? I found this story way back in March, but I
didn't have time to read it. So I set it aside, and today almost exactly a
quarter of a year later, I came back from the future and read this story. You
may not think that's astounding - not yet; but wait till I tell you what the
story is about. It's about a guy who comes back from the future to talk to a
girl named Rosa. Isn't that amazing? And it gets even better. The author
(Terrence Smythe) says that the story was inspired by Rosa. Heck, I don't know
Terrence Smythe's ass from a hole in the ground, but I know that Rosa has
inspired me to do some interesting things; and that's why I downloaded this
story. This is too good to be true. By the time you read this review, I shall
have become the winner of a major lottery with the dollar I am going to go out
and spend right now, using a series of numbers that I found cleverly concealed
in this story. This cowgirl may get lucky tonight!
Even better, this is a great story. I've only a read about 8% of it so far, but
I know it's great, because I had to drag myself away from it to buy the lottery
ticket. I just bought one. I'll regret that purchase if I have to share my $40
million with somebody else. If I would have bought two tickets with the same
numbers, I would have had two shares to the other person's one. If I went and
bought a hundred tickets with those same numbers, that other asshole would be
really pissed at me, and the IRS would become really suspicious. So that's why
I bought just one ticket and hurried home to read this story - after I stopped
off and bought some toilet paper, which we are almost out of.
To prove to Rosa that he is from the future, the man predicts a week's worth of
the future and goes away. Everything he predicts comes true.
I'll digress just one more time. This is amazing. One of the things the guy
predicts is that Menachem Begin, Israel's former Prime Minister, would be
buried on the Mount of Olives on the eleventh, a mere thirteen hours after his
death. What's amazing is not that that happened - after all, I don't know when
Smythe actually wrote the story. He could have just made this up after Begin
was already buried. The astonishing thing was that I was going to tell you a
joke this week about the Mount of Olives. I was going to ask you, "What
happened to Jesus after he went to Mount Olive?" The answer is, "Popeye beat
the shit out of him!" Now, if you already knew that answer, that really IS
amazing.
Anyway, sometime in the future Terrence met Rosa and discovered that she had
had a bad first experience with sex. So he has come back seven years into the
past, persuaded Rosa to dump that guy, and supplied her with a marvelously
enjoyable first experience to replace that one.
This is a very romantic and creative story. As I have said before, time travel
is mind boggling. The author deals with the obscure complexities by
acknowledging and then ignoring them.
I'm really glad I traveled back on my hard disk and found this story. I
encourage you to take a look at it. You won't be sorry.
The Rosa who is the heroine of this story is the author of several stories that
can be found at http://www.geocities.com/SouthBeach/Castle/9403. My favorites
are "Who'es are Us" and "A New Outlook on Life." I'll repost those reviews.
Ratings for "Better Way"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"The Auction of July 18, 1999" by Shon Richards (lordshon@aol.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=498139111
The author lists the items to be auctioned from Madam Concetta's closed
brothel. What we have here is a lot of sexual innuendo and titillation. It's
interesting reading. The listing does NOT include the erotic Barbie collection
of Katherine Ellison
A minor non-erotic error: "It has been proven that the airport's charter
flights dropped six hundred percent when Madam Concetta was closed down." What
would that mean? If the airport lost ALL its charter flights, that would be a
drop of100%. An INCREASE of 600% in my sexual activity is possible
{mathematically, that is - not physically}, but exactly what would I be doing
with my time if I reduced my sexual activity by 600%?
Ratings for "The Auction of July 18, 1999"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Specially Prepared" by Elena (silverlink@altavista.net).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=498282427
The title refers to the fact that the wife has made special preparations for
her husband when she arrived home from work a little while before he did.
The sex is very romantic and involves what I consider to be light and friendly
bondage. By this I mean that the woman turns her lover on by being completely
in control. There is no humiliation involved. This sort of bondage makes a
great deal of sense to me, and I found this story to be quite arousing.
Ratings for "Specially Prepared"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Shit-Eating Grin" by Losgud (lushgod@hotnomail.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=497927228
Brenda, our narrator, has returned home because her father is in the hospital.
She has no fond memories of her family, but she is warmly greeted by her big
sister Sarah.
Well, the long and the short of it is that before long Brenda is enjoying the
amorous abilities of her sister and brother.
The writing style was so effective that I expected an even better story than I
got. The buildup is clever and even humorous and the sex is hot, but the story
just wasn't quite complete. However, if you like to read about a grown woman
being introduced to sex between consenting adult siblings, you'll probably
enjoy this story.
Ratings for "Shit-Eating Grin"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
=====================
Guest Reviews:
=====================
"Trading Boardwalk" by Jack Handee (jack_handee@yahoo.com). Guest Review by
BillyG (hayden@mindless.com).
"Trading Boardwalk" effectively plays on passion. There's the sexual passion
Kevin, the narrator, feels for Melissa, the nubile teenaged sister of his wife
as she's growing up and becoming increasingly aware of the power of her own
sexuality. Below that, there's the seething power of frustration in the face
of the typical self-centered teenage girl who expresses open contempt for her
parents and indeed, all adults. Melissa trades on her budding sexual allure
with seeming impunity until one night, with the apparent approval of his wife,
he decides to teach her a lesson.
The "lesson," of course, goes beyond planned expectations and Kevin, pulled
under by the tug of his own passion, takes her forcefully
We are asked to not regard this as rape but rather as "situations involving
reluctant participants." In that Melissa comes to enjoy her forced sexual
activity, I suppose the author classifies this non-consensual activity as
reluctance rather than rape. That euphemism may work for some, but it feels
more like a nicety of distinction.
That distinction aside, the story is a powerful one that is centered in passion
rather than social psychology.
Ratings for "Trading Boardwalk"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
BillyG (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Worth a Thousand Words" by C.E.S. Guest review by Nick (e-mail
Nick@cassandra.demon.co.uk)
This story starts with a description of a painting of a woman, supposedly
hanging in the New York Museum of Fine Art. It took me back to the film Titanic
where a sketch of a mysterious woman is discovered when they find the wreck.
Who was she? What is her story? A great theme for a piece of fiction! Early in
the film, of course, an old lady turns up and says 'Why, it's me!" and we know
the rest.
Here the writer doesn't make much of the mystique potential either and we are
introduced to the model and her artist lover early on. We are told how he
invited her to his cabin in the country and how they seduce each other. No
surprises there, but it is quite well done.
The story is a long one for it's subject, but it manages to hold the attention
nevertheless. However some of the descriptive passages are overlong and
unnecessary. We are, for example, treated to the only account I've ever read in
a romantic sex story of a girl going to the toilet. This is not as gross as it
might sound, but I think the story could lose this and not suffer in the least.
For me too, the image of the artist and model were a touch stereotypical, but
that is probably a personal thing. I would also like to have seen a bit more
'meat' on the relationship between the two before they went on the trip.
It was also badly spoiled at the start by a silly mistake which a small amount
of research would have corrected. The "Mona Lisa" was painted by Leonardo da
Vinci, not Michelangelo. A shame, but I hope this writer sticks with it. He or
she has a lot of potential.
My ratings for "Worth a Thousand Words":
Athena (technique) 9
Venus (plot and character) 9
Appeal to Reviewer 9
"The Win" by Spiller (xxspillerxx@my-deja.com). Guest review by Tiramisu.
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=493648367
Stan wins a modest prize in the lottery and uses this money to fill the void in
his life which has resulted from his wife's lack of interest. Enter Mary, the F
in this MF story.
I liked this story despite its flaws.
First, the good news. It was sexy, and it was believable. The story was short
and well paced. It moved along and I wanted to keep reading.. I liked the
characters. Stan was the pov character, and he was easy to understand and
believe. I liked him. We do learn a bit about Mary through Stan, and she is
likeable and believable too, though I'd like to know more about her. On
reflection, I think I'd like to see her be a bit more uncomfortable or cautious
in the beginning, but as I read the story the first time, it seemed fine.
Sometimes, reviewers think too much!
I'm not expert, and struggle with this myself, but in a short story of this
length, I believe a limited third person pov, i.e. a narrator with knowledge
of the mind of only one character, offers many advantages. It is simpler and
avoids the problem of "he thought, she thought", and it gives the reader a
focus, a character to identify with. The reader gets to know the thoughts of
the pov character, which enhances the development of that character.
The drawback is that this makes it difficult to know the minds and the
motivations of other characters. The author here uses some nice devices which
were smooth and effective: a letter, a blush, a red face, a shaking hand. This
aspect of the story was better than many. I, and perhaps other writers, can
learn from this. But still, I wanted more of Mary. Perhaps because the
author gave me just enough that I liked her. Perhaps because there was a hint
of submissiveness in her demeanor.
Now, the bad news. Grammar, usage, and spelling all needed some work. First,
the dialogue could have been a bit stronger, could have showed more emotion in
places. At times it seemed "matter-of fact" or sterile. We might have learned
more about Mary through dialogue, too. Also, I counted at least five
misspellings (e.g. sucess, resonably). If they were typos, I'd suggest a
proofreader, or at least more careful proofreading by the author. The opening
sentence contains an annoyingly misplaced comma: 'The evening Stan found out,
that he had won nearly 11.000 dollars on his lotto coupon he felt very
fortunate.' The second paragraph starts with a non sentence which gives the
reader pause: 'On the day Stan was 52.' Was it his birthday? What happened
on the day Stan was 52? Or was the author simply giving us his age? ( I did
wonder if this was a non-American usage? The story felt British, but the use
of dollars made me think not. And let's see... yes, Mary wore panties. Probably
not British. Australian, perhaps?)
I'll not go further into the technicalities here. The story was good enough
that I enjoyed it despite these problems. However, if the author would like
more detail, and I'd recommend it, perhaps one of the other writers would be
willing to provide more detailed comments off-line, or, if the author would
prefer, he/she could email me and I'd be happy to do so.
Ratings for "The Win"
Athena (Technical and Grammar) 6
Venus (Plot and Character) 8
Tiramisu (Appeal to Reviewer) 9
"Remedy" by Kivi Kepler (kivi_kepler@my-deja.com and kivlina@hotmail.com).
Guest Review by Mary Jorsay Gandmar (maryjg@finebody.com)
Nope. This one doesn't work. The characterization is good enough, but the rest
is, well, just pedestrian. The language isn't anything special, the plot isn't
anything much and the sex is (for me, anyway) just plain boring. What's it
about? Virginal girl abandons Boyfriend 1, dates Boyfriend 2 with Boyfriend 1
as chaperone, Boyfriend 2 tries to paw her in a movie theater, she runs out
with Boyfriend 1, they wind up in bed under a comforter, sex follows.
If you're into a sort of explicit Harlequin romance you might like this.
Ratings for "Remedy"
Athena (Techical Quality) : 5
Venus (Plot & Character) : 5
Mary (Appeal to reviewer) : 2
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Reposted Reviews:
=====================
* "Who'es-R-Us" by Rosa (rosa6262@yahoo.com).
One of the real joys of writing these reviews is to stumble across a really
good author whose work I have never seen before. This was a wonderful story.
The narrator goes shopping at a small shop run by a young and beautiful black
woman (Yvonne) from Jamaica. Since the narrator's boyfriend (Randy) is
concerned about the safety of a pretty white woman in a "bad" black
neighborhood, he comes along, even though shopping is a big turnoff to him.
Before we know what's happening, Yvonne is selling her customer some ultra sexy
lingerie and flirting outrageously with Randy and auctioning off our narrator.
This is not as bad as it seems, since the three of them are the only ones in
the store; but then Yvonne bids against Randy and wins the auction. Now what
why would a sexy black chick want to buy a naïve white chick while her
boyfriend is just standing there with his tongue hanging out? Eventually, the
three of them go at it; and it warmed my pussy to see this plot unfold.
Aside from some minor typos, the only thing that bothered me about the story
was its title. How are we supposed to pronounce it? What does the apostrophe
in the first word mean? I suppose the first word is a contracted form of
"whores," but I've never seen anyone spell it this way. Maybe it's an Okie
thing.
One thing I really liked about this story was the interracial motif. Almost
all stories labeled "interracial" on this newsgroup focus on the immensity of
the black man's cock and the white woman's urge to be filled by it. This story
didn't go there. Yvonne's blackness {like her Jamaican accent} is an important
part of her beauty and of her sensuality. As the story unfolded in my mind's
eye, the white cock really did look beautiful easing in and out of Yvonne's
mouth, alternating with the licks from his white girlfriend. The white jism
that shot out of Randy's cock really did look sexy as it contrasted with
Yvonne's black breasts with her erect nipples, just as the two woman almost
brought me to climax when Yvonne thrust her fervent tongue into our narrator's
mouth to recover some of the Randy's cum that had sought refuge there.
Welcome to my life, Rosa! Keep on writing stories like this one!
Ratings for "Who'es-R-Us"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "A New Outlook on Life" by Rosa (rosa6262@yahoo.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=445265104
The author swears that this story is true. To be perfectly honest, I have my
doubts. I mean, if a woman giving a guy a haircut after the shop has closed
would take off her bra for an extra twenty bucks, her top for another fifty,
her pants for another hundred, and eventually give the guy a blowjob and then
finish with a full-penetration orgasm, what kind of character reference is she
likely to get for the veracity of her testimony?
Having said that, for didactic purposes I'm going to ask you to assume that I
assume she's telling the truth. My point is that this is an excellent example
of how to tell a true story in such a way that it's as interesting as an untrue
story. So often authors in this newsgroup go into too many details when they
tell their true stories or keep going way beyond the climax {the literary
climax, that is} or make some other mistake that drives their audience to
distraction.
This is not alt.sex.anthropology. It's alt.sex.stories. So tell us a story! If
you have a good story to tell, do it the way Rosa does it. And as far as I'm
concerned, you can lie your ass off and tell me that it's a true story, as long
as it's a good story.
Ratings for "A New Outlook on Life"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
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