Celestial Reviews 329 – June 12, 1999
Note: Three old timers were relating their most exciting experiences.
The first, a retired sheriff, described the terrifying excitement of a
shoot-out with Bonnie and Clyde back in his younger days. The other gents
nodded and agreed that that, indeed, would have been exciting.
The second, a retired fireman, related the tale of a huge fire at the
university several years back. There were massive flames and fire trucks from
several area fire departments; but the most exciting part was the naked coeds
jumping from their dorm windows into his arms. The others gents agreed that had
to have been a very exciting time.
The third guy started, "I was an undertaker. One night I got a call to pick up
a body that was under a sheet in a hotel room. When I got there, the guy had a
huge erection. I knew there was no way I could get him through the lobby like
that. So I found an old broom and whacked that erection just as hard as I could
to make it go down." He paused. The retired fireman asked, "So, how was that
exciting?"
The undertaker answered, "Well, you see, I was in the wrong room."
Second note: It was George the Mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of
carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When
he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family
there, who roundly and soundly congratulated him and sent him on his way with a
tidy gift envelope.
At the second house the residents presented him with a box of fine cigars. The
folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a
revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door
(which she closed behind them), and led him up the stairs to the bedroom ,where
she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.
When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant
breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed
orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming
coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under
the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said,
"but what's the dollar for?"
"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last
day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give
you. He said, 'Screw him. Give him a dollar.' The breakfast was my idea."
Third Note: Occasionally good writers stop writing stories for this newsgroup.
If you rarely or never respond to authors, then THIS IS YOUR FAULT!
What in the world do you think keeps an author going? You can call it ego or
whatever you want to call it. I call it THE BLOWJOB PRINCIPLE. Simply stated,
if a person expects to get a second blow job, the recipient should make the
giver glad to have performed the first. Applied to these stories, if you like
a story, take the trouble to say so.
Some writers on this newsgroup are incoherent and don't intend to improve. If
they give up and go away, that's fine with me. But there are good writers who
have already abandoned this newsgroup and others who will do so, because
there's nothing in it for them.
I'm not suggesting that you kiss up to the authors. But if you enjoy a story
that you obtained for free, why not take two minutes to give the author some
feedback? I don't think most authors want idle flattery; but they write
stories with the hope that they are getting a reaction - for example, they may
want to make people happy. They'll never know they have succeeded unless
somebody tells them so.
Fourth Note: Euphemisms for Impotence
A raging soft-on
Attracted to shoes
Badly in need of some Miracle-Gro
Captain Winky's taking a nap
Daddy's hanging basket
Dead Head Fred
Dead batteries in the ole light saber
Dirty Dangling
Dropped 7 points on the Johnson index
Dumpy plumpy
Excusing the altarboy
Floppy dick error
Giving Libby some quiet time to focus on the election
Hiding in the short and curlies
Jamming with the Soft Boys
Just complyin' with the laws of gravity
Killing me softly
Ladies and gentlemen, the building has left the pelvis
Letting Sailor Ned stay on furlough indefinitely
Looking for Mr. Goober
Losing the Trojan War
My Clinton lost its veto power
Negative Nard Mobility
Nerf-Jousting
No hand in the puppet
Not enough starch
Now pinch-hitting -- Dr. Duracell!
On the Dole
Picturing Reno
Pointer turned into a setter
Ricky Martin ain't dancing tonight
Serving Jell-O sausage
Swing and miss on the high hard one
The Flaccid Menace
Too much Tinky Winky, not enough La La
Turgidly-challenged
Waving the spiceless salami
Winning the Loser's Lottery
=====================
Celestial Reviews Index:
=====================
"Anne’s Birthday Evening" by R. Browning (birthday threesome)
7, 7, 7
"The Voyeurs" by Shiloh (angst-filled voyeurism) 8, 6, 6
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=485053740
"Sex Surprise" by: Red Stori (romance)
"The Boating Weekend Away" (exhibitionism at sea) 6, 5, 5
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=486903534
"Billiard Balls" by MichaelD38 (older guy & younger girl) 10, 10, 10
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=487288152
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=487288158
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=487288164
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=487285127
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=487285134
"Seven Miles, Mostly Uphill" by Kristina Kepler (mild BDSM)
9.5, 8, 8
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=487013548
"Rebecca's Choice" by Tiramisu (public sex and bdsm) 10, 8, 8
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/19468.txt
"Every Girl Has Her Price" by Maria Gonzales (seduction &
exhibitionism) 10, 10, 10
http://www.eroticstories.com/showstory.phtml?id=2197&cat=24
"The Transgression" by Edbun (spanking) 10, 7, 4
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=468773956
"A Night Out" by Velvet Rose (exhibitionism) 9, 7, 7
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=460665961
=====================
Guest Reviews:
=====================
"Theresa the Elder" by Al Steiner (seduction of younger boy).
Nick: 10, 10, 9
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=477994159
"Car Wash Fun" by David Williams (quickie). Owl: 2, 6, 4
"Ticklish Gothic Angel" by Morandilas/FeathrsTip (tickling).
Nick: 8, 8, 8
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=482161749
"The Last Goddess & Her Last Worshipper" by C.E.S. (sex in the
theosphere). Mary: 9, 10, 10
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=484444011
"Michiko" by Richard Rivers (childhood voyeurism). Myers: 9
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=486218424
"Hand Sex" by Poison Ivan (romance). Maria: 10, 9, 9
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=475328377
=====================
Here are the Reviews:
=====================
"Anne’s Birthday Evening" by R. Browning (Zarkov4085@aol.com).
The narrator and his wife are taking a year-end vacation in Miami to recover
from the hectic life of running a business together. They frolic on a nude
beach and reminisce while they copulate each evening. This leads to discussions
of more exhibitionism, and eventually the man posts an Internet ad to get a
partner for his wife's birthday threesome. They handle the interview process by
email, and eventually the third partner arrives in person for the birthday
festivities.
This author is new. First, I urge him to omit specific references to 34B
breasts. A writer oughta be able to convey that a woman is sexy without
resorting to architectural mathematics.
The author also needs a better balance in his details. Some details should be
left out or mentioned in passing; others require attention because they enrich
the plot.
In addition, format and grammar DO matter. It is not a good idea to shove too
many thoughts into a single paragraph, and proofreading could eliminate some
distracting errors.
Finally, I think the author gave too much emphasis to safe sex during the
build-up and too little emphasis to it while it was failing. I understand
stories that ignore the dangers of promiscuous sex – it's a literary convention
on this group that we pretend bad things never happen if we live out our
fantasies. However, once the author decides to focus on these dangers, they
have to be treated a little more realistically than they were in this story.
For example, if I were engaged in a threesome with a guy who could either kill
me with an STD or impregnate me with an unwanted baby, I would expect my
husband to do something other than ogle when the guy violated our
pre-established agreement to use condoms.
Overall, this is a good start for a new author. I hope others share useful
feedback with him as well.
Ratings for "Anne’s Birthday Evening"
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
"The Voyeurs" by Shiloh (shiloh@mochamail.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=485053740
The man is apparently a private investigator, assigned to take pictures of
another man being unfaithful to his wife. The detective has brought his
girlfriend along. However, instead of taking pictures he engages in rambling
philosophical speculations and tries to make plans for the rest of the day,
while his girlfriend watches the lovers go at it in the room across from the
inactive camera.
The sex is not interesting. There's a twist at the end. But I've seen better
stories.
Ratings for "The Voyeurs"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 6
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 6
"Sex Surprise" by Red Stori.
The following comments are NOT meant as a rebuke to this author. This story
arrived in my mailbox with a note that said: "If you don't mind critiquing this
story before I submit it to the newsgroups, then I'd appreciate it. I'd rather
make some improvements before posting it, but if you just want to write a
review, then I'll post it directly. The problem occurred when I saved the file
and trashed the letter – assuming that the author's address would be with the
story. It wasn't. AUTHORS SHOULD ALWAYS ATTACH THEIR NAME AND EMAIL ADDRESS
DIRECTLY TO THEIR STORIES.
First, I don't do private reviews. Any stories I read, I review. If you want
pre-publication assistance, you can get it from Miss Behavin' who coordinates
what used to be the Celestial Proofreading Service. It's free, and it's a good
idea. This story does have some problems that could be corrected by effective
proofreading.
Second, I can review any story only once. I prefer to do that after the whole
story has been posted. In this case, I'll have to review it before I see the
whole story.
Third, my readers get upset when I give a story a good review and then they
can't find it. My worthy assistant (Techguy) will be unable to find Links for
this story, and so the author had better get me off the hook by posting the
story as soon as he sees this review.
Fourth, if the author has any sense, he'll reread the story and make minor
changes before he posts it. Therefore, some of my criticisms may be outdated.
That's OK. Readers will get an even better story than they bargained for.
Finally, I am not mad at this author. He gave me a chance to deliver this
lecture, which is a useful public service announcement. This might help
everyone remember that AUTHORS SHOULD ALWAYS ATTACH THEIR NAME AND EMAIL
ADDRESS DIRECTLY TO THEIR STORIES.
Having said all that, I've looked at the story and have decided to go ahead and
review it, since it's pretty good and I have no way of communicating with the
author.
The girl is traveling for the first time to the big city, where her uncle is
supposed to meet her. The uncle is in an automobile accident, but a nice man
offers to let the girl stay in his hotel room until her aunt can come and get
her. She's a very religious and naďve young lady. They spend the first night
relatively chastely. Then the chemistry between them begins to develop.
At the beginning of their second night together we learn that she is only 16
years old. The man gets this information at the same time we do. He also
discovers that she knows nothing about sex and offers to teach her. He goes
from verbal descriptions to physical demonstrations, but he promises not to
have actual sex with her unless she initiates it. This is fine with her, since
she wants to avoid pregnancy and wants to remain a virgin for the man she
marries.
This first part ends with a cliff-hanger. They cuddle and have orgasms, and he
fucks her by accident. Then he gives her his business card and says he will
love her to the extent that he can, but he needs to think of his wife and
children.
The story is pretty good so far. I have summarized it very simply, perhaps
making it seem less stimulating than it really is. The author uses a format
that alternates between the man's and the woman's viewpoints, and that approach
effectively adds to the tension of the story.
I'll keep looking for the rest of this story. It's definitely worth reading.
Ratings for "Sex Surprise"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"The Boating Weekend Away" by Showoffmywife" (showoffmywife@hotmail.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=486903534
This story (listed as "Read THIS Hot Story!") is apparently an advertisement
for a picture site.
The narrator is proud of his wife's good body and wants to set up a scenario by
which to show off her entire chest to his friend without making her feel either
pressured or slutty. So while the other guy's wife is asleep below, they two
men arrange for his wife to steer the boat. Since she has to keep her hands on
the wheel at all costs, they play with her titties and make her cum. It's great
fun apparently. But not much of a story.
Ratings for "The Boating Weekend Away"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5
"Billiard Balls" by MichaelD38 (MichaelD38@aol.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=487288152
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=487288158
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=487288164
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=487285127
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=487285134
The alphabet soup at the beginning of this story reads (Mf, teen, rom, viol).
That's about it, but not the way you might think.
The author adds a note that this will be his last story for quite a while. What
began as a hobby has grown into something that is taking up far more of his
time than is really warranted. He has decided to take a break from Usenet
publishing and to concentrate on writing things that he can actually sell.
Goodbye, Michael. But - dare I say it? – you'll be back. You'll miss writing
for us as much as we miss reading your stories.
Michael's swan song is a good one. It has lots of hot sex but also a good plot.
Reading this story is like watching a good movie. I don't want to tell you much
more about it, because watching the plot unfold is the best part of this story.
It's about a college-age guy who falls in love with a hot 14-year-old girl, and
then the chain of events kicks into action. As sexy as this story is, however,
it's not all that likely to encourage lots of 14-year-olds to hook up with an
older guy and go on a sex spree.
Ratings for "Billiard Balls"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Seven Miles, Mostly Uphill" by Kristina Kepler (kivi_kepler@my-deja.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=487013548
The guy rides his bike over to his fuck buddy's house to have mildly kinky sex
with her. Then he rides back home. The title refers to the distance. The
setting is mildly exotic – Alaska as the midnight sun approaches.
This was an interesting approach. However, I found the focus on the bike ride
to be mildly distracting, rather than an integral part of the story.
But overall, this is a nice little quickie.
Ratings for "Seven Miles, Mostly Uphill"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Rebecca's Choice" by Tiramisu (Tiramixu@yahoo.com).
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year99/19468.txt
Rebecca is a sex slave. That is, she has to do everything her Master tells her
to do on her date. But he's a really decent sort of chap. He has her masturbate
to orgasm in the restaurant. Then he has her strip naked while he ties her up
in the glass-lined elevator. Then he takes her to his hotel room and gives her
some more mind-boggling orgasms.
This is the sort of thing that makes you wonder why slaves would ever want to
be freed.
I'm not going to go over all the sexual titillation. The author does an
excellent job of that. My only problem with the story is that it didn't quite
ring true to me. Some stories are not meant to be taken seriously. I had the
impression that the author wanted me to believe that Rebecca would really react
the way she does in this story. This story came close (after all, I gave it an
8), but it didn’t quite convince me.
The author refers to this as the kinkiest of the Rebecca trilogy. I think I'll
take a look at the other two.
Ratings for "Rebecca's Choice"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Every Girl Has Her Price" by Maria Gonzales (Maria1971@aol.com).
http://www.eroticstories.com/showstory.phtml?id=2197&cat=24
This is an extremely creative story. After I wrote that sentence, I thought it
over and realized that actually, this is one of the oldest stories of all.
This is the basic plot of the movie "Indecent Proposal": offer a person enough
money, and she'll do anything. Likewise, a common theme in numerous crime
stories is that every person has a price: offer the person enough incentives,
and he or she will do anything. I think B.F. Skinner applied the same
principles to almost all human behavior. Nevertheless, the present rendition of
that basic plot is extremely interesting and sexy.
Juana is working at a fast food restaurant. Kyle is a rich guy who comes in and
offers her fifty bucks for her bra. Soon he is offering her two thousand
dollars to go into a bar and return within an hour with money she has obtained
by performing a sex act for a bar patron. Juana is a fast learner and earns
money rapidly. Not only that, but soon Juana finds herself enjoying her new
activities.
An important premise of the story is that within just a few hours Juana really
likes being a slut. I suspect that if I went back over the story and analyzed
it carefully, I'd become skeptical. To put it another way, I doubt that a
reasonably "virtuous" young woman in real life would take the pride and
enthusiasm in her work that Juana did. Having said that, I want you to notice
that I didn't dock the author any points for this "shortcoming." I suppose that
means the fantasy is a really good one.
Ratings for "Every Girl Has Her Price"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Transgression" by Edbun (Edbun59@hotmail.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=468773956
Christine has stolen money from the petty cash, and so the CEO of the company
has summoned her to his office to fire her. As an alternative form of
punishment, he offers to spank her.
So she finds herself draped across the lap of a rich, powerful, and very
attractive man who is completely clothed under her. She is waiting for him to
take his pound of flesh, his due reward, by spanking her with a small, wooden
paddle. She is willing and very excited. Her nipples have been erect since the
moment she looked into his eyes. As the spanking proceeds, she feels very cared
for and special to this man. Her heart flutters and her body responds to his
every movement with a desire to be what he wants. The spanking is certainly
painful, but not as bad as she had expected. So she begs for more.
This is all very unconvincing to me. It has the flavor of being written by a
guy who thinks this is the sort of thing that turns women on. I know there are
people on this newsgroup who assure us that spanking is the greatest thing
since sliced bread. However, in real life I talk frankly to lots of woman.
Neither I nor anyone I have talked to has described this sort of situation as
an intensely pleasurable one.
When I read this story, I asked myself why the woman felt so much pleasure. The
best answer I could give was "because that the way it's supposed to be. Because
she fits the formula." The woman is scared of being fired; she goes to the
office and the boss spanks her instead; and she immediately becomes his
permanent sex slave. Something is missing here. It just doesn't ring true.
Ratings for "Transgression"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 4
"A Night Out" by Velvet Rose (velvetrose@my-dejanews.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=460665961
Carrie and Steve have long been attracted by the idea of having sex in
relatively public places. So she starts him off with a blowjob in the nearly
empty theatre, and then they go out to finish up in the car in the parking lot
while everyone else is leaving the late show.
The problems with this story are that the sex isn't all that vivid or creative
(except that it's in a car with tinted windows that probably inhibit other
people from seeing inside and the car bounces up and down while they hump). In
addition, it's not really clear exactly what it is that the people in the
parking lot are able to see.
Ratings for "A Night Out"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
=====================
Web Site Reviews:
=====================
http://www.eroticstories.com/
Apparently this site's name is its address, or vice versa. I went here because
Maria Gonzales posted a notice that she had written a story that I wanted to
review, and this seemed to be the easiest place to find it.
This is an attractive site, and the story was a good one. I looked around a
little. The stories are arranged by category, with a brief description for each
story. Each story also has a rating on a 1-10 scale. I did a validity check,
and the stories to which I knew I had previously given high ratings had some of
the highest ratings at this site. I assume the authors submit their stories to
this site themselves and that their copyright privileges are respected.
Although this site is free, it seems to make its money from advertising other
erotic sites. The advertising is tasteful and not annoying. As far as I can see
I could come here forever <grin> <wink> without having to pay for any of the
stories.
The downside of sites like this is that I know it's possible for bad things to
happen to my computer while I am docked at an unfamiliar site. I have no reason
to believe anything bad happened at this site. However, in the three weeks
since I have started occasionally reviewing sites, I have noticed a sharp
upswing in the amount of sex-related spam I have received. Of course, I don't
really know where it's all coming from. For all I know it could be coming from
DejaNews, which is a site I have long recommended but which has recently become
much more commercial in its orientation.
I still prefer to get my stories from our newsgroup. But if the only difference
is the advertisements, I have to acknowledge that the spam from the morons on
the newsgroup is much more annoying than the tasteful ads at this site. Were I
not already overwhelmed with plenty of stories to read and review, I might come
here a lot more often <repeated wink>.
=====================
Guest Reviews:
=====================
"Theresa the Elder" by Al Steiner (al_steiner@hotmail.com) Guest review by Nick
(nick@cassandra.demon.co.uk).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=477994159
This is the first story I've read by Al Steiner, and it leaves me wishing I'd
read more (perhaps I will!). It is about a young boy's fascination with his
elder brothers girlfriend and his subsequent seduction, so although there are
no story codes, there is not much to worry about 'squick-wise'.
It is very well written and the pace is good. The characters and the situations
are realistic and believable and I was left with a feeling that this could well
be an account of an event in the writer's own life. The seduction is built up
slowly, so that by the time the sex actually comes, the reader is well ready
for it!
There are one or two minor criticisms. For example, the boy comes out of his
shower apparently fully dressed, and despite his age he is well practiced in
sexual techniques. I think I would have liked a bit more background on exactly
why he should be so accomplished. Minor flaws really. This is well worth a
read.
Ratings for "Theresa the Elder"
Athena (Technique) 10
Venus (Plot/character) 10
Appeal to Nick 9
"Car Wash Fun" by David Williams (primlflesh@aol.com). Guest review by Watchful
Owl.
"Car Wash Fun" is little more than a quick jerk, if that. Although it was an
interesting concept, there was literally nothing to it but a couple of names
and an extremely fast session in the front seat. The author tries to add
dramatic tension by making it seem as though the protagonists won't get their
clothes on in time, but I wasn't impressed.
In my copy of the story, the formatting was off. I will forgive that; perhaps I
have received it incorrectly. However, the mechanics of the story left quite a
bit to be desired. Punctuation was all wrong, and if you're a stickler like me,
that ruins the fun of the story.
I wouldn't waste the five minutes of my life reading this one.
Ratings for "Car Wash Fun"
Venus (Plot and character): 2 (nonexistent)
Athena (Technical quality): 6 (many errors)
Watchful Owl (Appeal to reviewer): 4
"Ticklish Gothic Angel" by Morandilas/FeathrsTip (mtjpub@aol.com). Guest review
by Nick (e-mail nick@cassandra.demon.co.uk).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=482161749
Someone once said that if you are not into a particular genre you shouldn't
review its stories. The writer of this one is clearly into tickling in a big
way, and I'm not; so this review may, in some sense, be a little unfair. I can,
however, review it as a piece of writing and one comment I would make is this.
There seems to be a tendency for people to get a little obsessive about their
little peccadilloes when they are writing about them. This is fine for people
who share this, but not for a more general readership.
That said, as a piece of writing it is not at all bad. The atmosphere at the
beginning is developed well and the reader is drawn into the plot. There are
one or two areas of awkwardness (Cassandra did this, Cassandra did that, etc.
which the writer might want to think about in future work), which undermined
the flow slightly.
The girl is "tortured" by being tickled, and here is my main area of complaint.
This bit was far too rushed for the "non-tickle" enthusiast. Tickling someone
can be rather cruel - in fact as cruel as any torture, but that isn't something
that many people fully appreciate. I would have preferred to see Cassandra's
experiences developed more at a slower pace.
Ratings for "Ticklish Gothic Angel"
Athena (Technique) 8
Venus (Plot/Character) 8
Appeal to Nick 8
"The Last Goddess & Her Last Worshipper" by C.E.S. (wovoka@ghostdance.com).
Guest review by Mary Jorsay Gandmar (maryjg@finebody.com).
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=484444011
All erotica is fantasy of a kind - the characters reflect the writer's
fantasized sexual mates - his or her genicons. The themes and situations are
those the writer finds erotic, sexually stimulating. Frequently, the characters
and the situations they find themselves mirror the author's experience,
projected into the never-never land of sexual desire, longing and fulfillment.
Familiarity with a character, or the milieu, lend themselves to an immediacy
and the generation of a charged sexual tension - one always says, "Hey, that's
someone or something I find sexy!"
What is erotica, after all, as we readers of a.s.s.* understand it? It is, I
imagine, rather more than the triggering of an instant physical response, or
the use of words and the visualization of situations otherwise thought best
left under wraps. It is - and I do believe this – the stimulation of a mental,
emotional and psychological response. The physical reaction is only an outward
manifestation of the provocation of the inner kernel.
The most difficult and treacherous form of erotica is the one that melds
explicit sex with dyed-in-the-wool fantasy - writing that forsakes the crutch
of familiarity and tells of alien worlds. Not very many people can bring it
off; invariably, one or the other (the 'known' world of sexuality or the alien
'other') collapse and the result is usually a mess.
CES succeeds admirably, I think, in this little jewel of a tale. For one thing,
he/she writes with great felicity. If I might be pardoned a little carping -
best to get it out of the way at the beginning - it's this: The story needs
just a little better editing. Repetition is the bane of any author. Using an
unusual phrase or word too often jars and it's almost always possible to avoid
it. CES uses "summers" for "years" (to specify age) three times in the space of
what would be less than a single page in manuscript. This, I'm sure, could be
reworked without difficulty or loss of integrity. The phrase "she was really
getting into it" (describing Clerigh and his goddess having sex) is, I think, a
shade too modern for the rest of ambience. But this is really peripheral, sheer
hair-splitting.
The language is otherwise clear, simple, evocative - as it should be. If you
don't mind the pre-teen sex (a friend I showed it to reacted violently, which
he attributes to his having a daughter about that age), it's worth reading this
story more than once.
It works at different levels, too. On the surface, it's a simple narrative of a
Clerigh, a lone man struggling to keep his faith against the hegemony of a
monotheistic juggernaut. He survives the onslaught, the battle that kills his
kind and survives to achieve union with his child-deity. In few, spare words,
we have vivid mind-images of the battle, the massacre, the sex-and-fertility
oriented religion that came to be destroyed, the beauties, horrors and
boundaries of his world.
There's something more, though, a shimmer of understanding, compassion and hope
that runs silver through all this. It tells us of the need for understanding,
the vital importance not of forgiveness, for that postulates guilt, but of
acceptance and tolerance. It speaks of courage and bravery and of the futility
of imposing one's beliefs on another - for always, always, there will be that
last worshipper of the last god who will live on and carry his faith with him.
This is truly superb story-telling.
Ratings for "The Last Goddess"
Athena (Technical Quality) : 9
Venus (Plot & Character) : 10
Mary (Appeal to reviewer) : 10
"Michiko" by Richard Rivers (r_rivers@cryogen.com). Guest review by Dave
Myers.
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=486218424
Our early childhood ideas about sex are usually pretty odd ones when we look
back. Heck, our later ideas about sex can be pretty odd ones, too. It's not
easy to probe a storyline of pre-adolescent voyeurism in a realistic setting
(by which I mean one that doesn't end with everyone fucking everyone, including
Rover). In any case, we get a good shot at it in this little 300-line story
about a Japanese girl who catches mommy in the act with a man that ain't daddy.
The author is forced to project his concept of what Michiko should be thinking
in that context into written form, which is not an easy task. What I liked most
was that Michiko does NOT wind up frigging herself into oblivion while
salivating on her mother's groin. This keeps things from being too predictable.
In the end, Michiko's kidlike view of things is through a lens that seems a
touch odd to us for so many reasons that it is silly to list them (so you
should read it for yourself). It's well thought out and well done. Don't expect
a lot of heat. Remember, it's only 300 lines.
Rating for "Michiko": 9
"Hand Sex" by Poison Ivan (poisoniv1@hotmail.com). Guest review by Maria
Gonzales.
http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=475328377
I have never read a story written from the second person point of view that I
have liked. Usually, once I get to the first "you", I just hit the delete
button. When I started to read Ivan's story, I was very surprised to find it
written from that point of view. It is very easy to write in this style, but
very hard to make it work, unless you know the person that will read it - for
example, a love letter to your spouse.
Ivan's story is the first story written from the second story POV that I have
ever liked. I tried very hard to dislike it, but found myself captured in the
romance created by Ivan. The story is not written as a letter from a man to
lover, but as a letter written by a man to his friend, talking about his lover.
I think this is why the story works, Ivan is writing to me, the reader,
telling me about Dawn.
All of the other second person POV stories that I have read were like letter
from the author to the reader, which makes the story doomed because either the
letter is too impersonal, or it has too many details that the reader cannot
relate to.
"Hand Sex" is a very good story. If you like romance, this is a story for you.
The Venus and Maria marks are nines, only because in my mind, tens should be
saved for the truly special stories, such as MissB's "Visions" and Bronwen's "A
Stocking Filler"
Ratings for "Hand Sex"
Athena: 10 (Ivan shows his talent by making the POV work)
Venus: 9
Maria: 9
DEAR GRAMMAR GODDESS:
It has been a long time since anyone asked me a grammar question on this
newsgroup. So I was happy to receive this in my mail today:
Oh Celestial One, Goddess of Grammar and Guardian of Correctness!
What is the proper way to express singular possession involving a proper name
which ends in "s" but which is not thereby plural? Is family preference a
consideration here, or is there a strict rule which governs it?
For example, is it correct to say "Bill Withers's orgy?" "Bill Withers' orgy?"
If Bill co-sponsored the orgy with his wife, is it "The Witherses' orgy?"
There's an argument inside my family about this. I lay the issue at your
Celestial feet!
Reply: The rule is to use an apostrophe-s to form the possessive of ALL
singular nouns, including proper nouns. Therefore, it's
"Bill Withers's orgy
If Bill co-sponsored the orgy with his wife, it would be "The Witherses' orgy"
However, there is an exception in cases when the speaker would not pronounce
the final s (the one after the apostrophe). For example,
For conscience' sake. {conscience's sake would sound weird}
In Jesus' name {Jesus's name has too many sibilant sounds}
Aristophanes' sex life {Aristophanes's sex life sounds funny.
Actually, it was}
So, the complete answer is that judgment or preference DOES become a factor. If
a writer thinks that "Withers's orgy" sounds funny because there are too many
sibilant sounds or that a reader would find the phrase to be a tongue-twister,
it would be acceptable to refer to the "Withers' orgy." This would be
especially likely if the orgy were replaced by a word starting with one or more
sibilant sounds: "The Withers' suspicious neighbors."
What it amounts to is that people who make up grammar tests stick to the
apostrophe-s rule with just a few exceptions. {The just don't use questions
about the Withers' suspicious neighbors However, common usage allows a lot more
leeway. However, you should avoid the mistake of omitting the s in situations
where it is pronounced. For example, do not write, "The boss' sexy wife."
That's "The boss's sexy wife.
Note that if you want to mention Sam and Janet Withers separately and omit the
last name, we encounter the difference between individual and joint possession.
"Sam and Janet's orgy" means that the orgies were co-sponsored by Sam and
Janet. {The background music would be "Sam and Janet's Evening" by Rogers and
Hammerstein.}
Sam's and Janet's orgies would mean that Sam sponsored some orgies and Janet
others. This lack of harmony is signified by the separate apostrophes.
If you want to concentrate on sex at all tonight, don't look at the following
problem.
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