Celestial Reviews 325 - April 25, 1999
Note: Miss Behavin' has pretty much taken charge of my old proofreading
service. This is a free service by which people who want someone to help
proofread their stories are matched up with volunteer proofreaders. If you'd
like to offer your services, contact either me or Miss Behavin'
(missbehavin@sprint.ca). We could use a few more volunteers right now.
Second note: The first grade teacher is starting a new lesson on multi-syllable
words. She thinks it would be a good idea to ask a few of the children to give
examples of words with more than one syllable.
"Jane, do you know any multi-syllable words?"
"After some thought Jane proudly replies with Monday."
"Great Jane. That has two syllables, Mon......day."
"Does anyone know another word?"
"I do! I do!" shouts Johnny.
Knowing Johnny's precocious sense of humor, the teacher picks Mike instead.
"OK, Mike, what is your word?"
"Saturday!" says Mike.
"Great, that has three syllables..."
Not wanting to be outdone Johnny shouts, "I know a four-syllable word. Pick me!
Pick me!"
Thinking Johnny can do no real harm with a word that large, the teacher
reluctantly says, "O.K. Johnny what is your four-syllable word?"
Johnny proudly says, "Mas...tur...ba...tion."
Shocked, the teacher, tries to retain her composure and says,
"Wow, Johnny! Four syllables! That's certainly is a mouthful."
"No Ma'am, You're thinking of 'blowjob', and that's only two syllables."
Third note: A guy walks into a bar in Arkansas and orders a white wine.
Everybody sitting around the bar looks up, expecting to see some pitiful Yankee
queer.
The bartender looks up and says, "You ain't from around here, are ya? Where ya
from, boy?"
The guy says, "I'm from Iowa."
The bartender asks, "What the heck you do in Iowa?"
The guy responds, "I'm a taxidermist."
The bartender asks, "A taxidermist? Now just what the heck is a taxidermist?"
The guy says nervously, "I mount animals."
The bartender grins and shouts out to the whole bar, "It's okay boys. He's one
of us!"
Fourth note: 'Tis a sad day when my three-stanza masterpiece is still widely
acclaimed as the "finest piece of clitoric poetry since Chaucer." The best
minds of our generation have done no better than this effort by MichaelD:
There was a linguistic young missus,
Who licked all her friends' clitorises.
When she said, on her knees,
"Are they not clitorides?"
They said, "we don't want exegesis."
Stick to prose, Mike! Or maybe to sex. Your poem just doesn't scan.
To be honest, my favorite so far is the submission by who said, "Screw the
rules!" and wrote thusly:
My little sister Gloria
Was born with two clitoria
She'd stroke all night
Then shriek delight
In a blessed state of euphoria
Now, I know this is not primarily a poetic forum, but aspiring bards have to
realize that (1) the location of the accent is important to a rhyme scheme, and
(b) there are more frameworks for poetry than the simple limerick. As many a
country-western singer has discovered (along with Ogden Nash), by using the
accent patterns and slurring the words, it is often possible to achieve a more
catchy turn of phrase than if the words happen to end with the same syllables.
Hence, my "clitorides" and "two more of these" have already been incorporated
into a C&W song called "Dolores's Clitorises" that will be released later this
month.
Let me help you by offering examples of some ways to cheat. First, you think of
a word that almost actually does rhyme with a target word. For example, as
anyone can plainly see - er, hear - antipodes is close enough to clitorides to
pass as a rhyme. So then you dig out your computer, and look for a poem that
has "antipodes" in it. Then you change the poem and don't tell anyone where you
got it. For example, almost no English teachers or even librarians in heat
would recognize this poem as an adulterated classic:
The penis and clitoris are distinct,
Diverse, sheer opposite, antipodes.
While one's connected to a cunt,
The other gives joy to our clitorides.
If you want to have a little extra fun, try the eloquent form of lying known as
misattribution. For instance, Christopher Marlowe, who played a bit part in
"Shakespeare in Love," once wrote a poem called "The Passionate Shepherd to His
Love." {That's "passionate" as in "Oh, you're passionate!" said the nymph.
"That's OK," replied the shepherd, "I'll get it on my way back down." You hafta
think about that one for a while.} Anyway, Marlowe's poem begins
Come live with me and be my love,
And we will all the pleasures prove
That valleys, groves, hills, and fields,
Woods or steepy mountain yields.
Now, when you look at this poem, you might think that it's just a bad poem that
doesn't even rhyme {love and pruv, perhaps?} and wonder where the poet had to
stoop to find a word like "steepy" to make his meter. What you are missing are
these important facts: (1) you can use the bad rhyme in your favor - it's bad,
but everybody knows this guy was a genius; (2) absolutely nobody knows more
than the first stanza of this poem, and (3) the word "clitorides" has exactly
the same number of syllables as "mountain yields" and "hills and fields." All
you have to do is slip The Word into one of these lines and either "antipodes,"
"Hesperides," "Eumenedes," "Euripides," "Euclenedes," or even "One more of
these" into the other line, and you have the basis of a really great poem.
Then you attribute it to "Christopher Marlowe or possibly even Shakespeare,
since many researchers think that Marlowe wrote Shakespeare's plays"; and
you're home free. Anybody with only a modicum of intelligence (and modicum
would be a good word to insert in the first two lines of that second stanza)
would recognize the first stanza and (at worst) betray befuddlement (another
word for the first stanza) at the second verse. For example, a middle-aged
English teacher might say to you, "That second stanza doesn't sound quite
right." You would reply, "Of course! Back in your day they used to leave out
the racy parts. Marlowe was actually quite risque. Would you like to come up to
my garret and see the original?"
Well, you get the idea. Now you try one.
P.S. I wrote the above on Wednesday, in a fit of peaceful meloncholy that
arose after I read the first few entries. Things picked up rapidly almost
immediately thereafter:
There once was a woman called Di
Who was blessed with three clitori
She had one in her throat
Yet another in her boat
and a third half way up her left thigh.
--Tom (on behalf of his elf)
A woman lived in the Hesperides,
Who was born with a full three clitorides.
When she'd cum one by one,
She'd have so much fun,
She said, "You just can't have too much of these!"
--John George jgeorge1@bellsouth.net
=====================
Celestial Reviews Index:
=====================
"Reflections on a Soul" by Gentleman Jim (romance) 8.5, 8, 8
"Argument" by Nick (humorous hostility) 9.5, 9, 9
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=441896547
"Dreaming into Reality" by Lambchop (dreams cum true) 9, 7, 7
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=450239498
"Internet Lessons" by Don Tracy (Internet pictures & sex) 6, 6, 6
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=437106763
"Yard Work" by Bob Peale (exhibitionism) 9, 6, 6
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=468152870
"Zero-G" by Al Steiner (orbital sex) 9, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=470357914
"The Deep South" by A.F.M aka NL Soldier
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=464498771
=====================
Guest Reviews:
=====================
"Up in Michigan" by Ernest Hemingway ()
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=446008894
"Contest Weekend" by Artie (hypnosis). Owl: 9, 9, 9
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=417790771
=====================
Reposted Reviews:
=====================
* "Lucid Dreamer" by Delta (romantic dream control) 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=246992017
* "Dreamwalk" by Delta (surrealistic sexy dream) 10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=217777841
* "Am I Only Dreaming?" by Paddy Toute (really restful sex)
10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=244898175
* "Transitions" by Ramapo (dreams & ff cybersex) 9.5, 10, 10
* "Study Break" by D.A. Ignatius (dreamlike sex) 10, 8, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=193946964
* "Diary of a Voyeur" by J. Reynolds (voyeurism & exhibitionism)
10, 10, 10
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=357058740
"Zero-G" by Hildegarde Bingen (adventurous sex)
9.5, 9, 9.5
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=261311930
"Zero G" by Sandman (sci fi detective sex) 9, 10, 10
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/8350.txt
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=324192630
=====================
Here are the Reviews:
=====================
"Reflections on a Soul" by Gentleman Jim (JimT11@juno.com).
Our narrator's first sexual experience came with the babysitter when he was 13
and she was just three years older. The real action in this story takes place
when he meets her again twelve years later, when she is the divorced mother of
two with another baby on the way. They explore the many ways in which a
pregnant woman can be sexy and make love.
During the main part of the story Jim is a young dentist who happens to possess
great oral skills. He's also a sucker for a woman with nice tits. At first I
thought some of these puns were coincidental, but then I started to suspect a
plan.
Life goes on, and the story evolves. The author says this is a true story, and
it has a ring to authenticity. This authenticity interferes with the story by
keeping it from adhering to a plot with proper suspense and tricky twists, but
overall this is a very good story.
Ratings for "Reflections on a Soul"
Athena (technical quality): 8.5
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Argument" by Nick (nick@cassandra.demon.co.uk).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=441896547
The narrator has had an argument with his wife; and as is usually the case when
these things happen, he has resolved never to have sex with her again until she
apologizes. A good blowjob would probably do no harm either. So they are lying
side by side, back to back, pretending that the other doesn't exist and
pretending not to care.
Then he becomes aware that she is masturbating. Is this fair? Is it ethical?
Should he acknowledge her existence after all? Of course not. He should just
lie there silently and prove his superiority. But what about the tumescent
thing between his legs? Well, what's good for the goose is good for the gander.
After all, she has been unfaithful to him (with herself), and two can play at
that game.
This is erratic esoteric erotic comedy at its finest. I'm told that real people
in real life sometimes play games like this. Indeed, this sort of thing has
happened in the White House on more than one occasion recently, and it's
amazing that Starr missed this in his report. In addition, I have a reliable
source who assures me that the original screen play for Camelot had a sequence
in it almost identical to the one recorded here. The words were in the third
stanza of "I Wonder What the King is Doing Tonight," but they were deleted
after the third public performance on Broadway and never made it to the film
version at all.
Ratings for "Argument"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Dreaming into Reality" by Lambchop (pcd10@my-dejanews.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=450239498
The guy has been having one of those recurring dreams about a beautiful woman.
He goes to a party, and the woman is there. She takes him home with her, and
they make tender love.
This is not a bad story, but it lacks real zip, for a lack of a better term. My
three lines summarize the story completely. The lovemaking is really nice and
all that, but it's all too simple - he dreams the first part of it, and they do
the rest of it. There us no explanation for the coincidences or any tension
about mysterious forces at work.
If you want a really good dream/sex story, try one of these: "Lucid Dreamer" or
"Dreamwalk" by Delta, "Am I Only Dreaming?" by Paddy Toute, "Transitions" by
Ramapo. or "Study Break" by D.A. Ignatius. I'll repost these reviews at the end
of this issue.
Ratings for "Dreaming into Reality"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
"Internet Lessons" by Don Tracy(dtracy36@hotmail.com)
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=437106763
The guy's attractive neighbor wants to learn to use the Internet. He offers to
drop by some time to show her the ropes and get her going <g>. He does and she
does. What happens is this: she sees some of his dirty pictures and then
decides that she would like to participate. Imagine that!
The grammar in this story isn't the worst I've ever seen, and in a way I was
even sort of grateful for this dangling modifier: "While sitting there browsing
through the car mags, gun mags, and eventually the new computer mags one of my
neighbors came down the aisle." It's no wonder that this sort of thing would
catch the narrator's attention.
Ratings for "Internet Lessons"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 6
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 6
"Yard Work" by Bob Peale (mischief94@my-dejanews.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=468152870
Steven and Jenn have bought a new house, but Steven doesn't like to do yard
work. So they hire Tim, but pretty soon Steven begins to suspect that Tim is
hot for his body. Using a simple scientific method, he verifies his suspicion.
Then he decides to give Tim a show, and he invites his wife to join in. This
enables them to have their best sex ever.
If that sounds good, you'll like this story. Personally, I need a little more
depth to the plot. I like exhibitionism stories best when the people do a
little more than simply strut their stuff in front of a window. A really good
example of voyeurism and exhibitionism with an interesting twist is "Diary of a
Voyeur" by J. Reynolds. I'll repost the review at the end of this issue.
Ratings for "Yard Work"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 6
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 6
"Zero-G" by Al Steiner (al_steiner@hotmail.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=470357914
This is the third story I have reviewed with exactly this same title. As you
may have suspected, I'll repost the reviews of the other two. My favorite of
the bunch is the one by Sandman, who later turned into Bitbard. But this one's
pretty good too.
The basic concept of sex in a weightless environment has been appealing for a
long time - as can be demonstrated by my husband's interest in an otherwise
worthless movie entitled Barbarella, in which Jane Fonda floats stupidly in
space while my husband fucks my brains out about twice a year, while
fantasizing about another woman. Go figure. It beats the hell out of making
love during "Tora! Tora! Tora!" or "Zulu."
Anyway, our narrator has developed a strong attraction to Jackie Yee, a
beautiful genius with an advanced degree in poultry, which has nothing to do
with choking anyone's chicken.
By the way, did you know that on one of the early space flights, the geniuses
at NASA discovered they had not taken into consideration that the astronauts
might have to take a leak while strapped into their seats during a delayed
countdown? The solution was to have them wear condoms. I kid you not. I got
this information from an infallible source. Literally. Well, almost literally,
according to the Baltimore Catechism. The person who told me about this was a
Catholic priest. He was using this as an example of a "licit" use of a condom.
"Even an apparently evil object can sometimes be used for a licit purpose. For
example...."
Anyway, Jackie is a flirtatious wench. But having sex in space can be hard -
er, difficult - because Houston monitors almost everything that goes on in the
spacecraft. The solution is either to have stomach cramps or to jerk off during
an exercise session. Or, when Jackie goes downstairs to work on her embryos....
This is silly. They're obviously going to copulate out there in space, and I'm
not going to tell you how they do it. Ya hafta read the story to find out.
Ratings for "Zero-G"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"The Deep South" by A.F.M aka NL Soldier (nlsoldier@specialops.soldier.net).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=464498771
The narrator's father was a black sharecropper who migrated north during the
depression. The narrator's father has decided to return south for the funeral
of a distant relative. This sounds like a set-up for a Roots type story, but
instead the focus shifts to the teenage narrator and his sister as they become
thrown together and make love for the first time in a motel room in Kentucky.
The sex is hot, and the story has considerable potential. However, the grammar
is distracting, and there is little real plot development. We have the start of
a story, then some really hot brother/sister sex, then an assurance that "now
we are enjoying each other and living like lovers, which we are and probably
will be after we each get married and move on."
Ratings for "The Deep South"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
=====================
Guest Reviews:
=====================
"Up In Michigan" by Earnest Hemingway (rosa6262@yahoo.com). Reviewed by
Crimson Dragon (dcrimson@yahoo.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=446008894
It's been a while since I read "The Sun Also Rises," but I'm pretty sure that
Mr. Hemingway wrote more ... complex prose. However, if this was a deliberate
attempt to match the real Mr. Hemingway's style and I missed it, I must
apologise. That might explain a lot and I lost the subtlety. I doubt it
though...
This story takes place in old Michigan - sort of a period piece. Liz is the
household help, and James ... well he's the blacksmith. Liz covets James, and
when he returns from a huntin' deer, he has a few drinks, and a bittersweet
affair ensues.
The prose is provided in a simple style. That isn't necessarily bad, but I
found that it seemed too simple. I'm not sure if that was supposed to be a
reflection of the period, or an attempt to make the story more understandable.
Either way, I found the lack of individual style distracting. You may not.
I found a few technical problems with the story. There wasn't enough variety to
the sentences, making the reading monotonous. Missed commas often made
sentences difficult to read. Odd sentence constructions sometimes tore me from
the story. Perhaps it was my copy, but there was an annoying substitution of
'1' for an apostrophe. Standard character sets for Usenet would be nice,
assuming it got posted that way. There were various sentence subject reference
problems as well.
I couldn't connect with the characters, there was simply not enough information
in the story. This was a 'tell' not 'show' story, where the author outlines
exactly what the characters feel directly. That's legitimate, but it doesn't
smack of style. Further, there were so many extraneous characters in the story,
who weren't fleshed out at all, merely names, that I found it difficult to keep
them straight. There seemed to be detail in the story that wasn't necessary. It
read more like a rambling of what was happening, than a story, if you catch the
subtle difference.
The author liked to switch perspectives without reason, and even tenses once in
a while. The story didn't 'flow'. It lacked focus. Taken together, it's all
very distracting.
There wasn't a huge amount of sex, and what was there was confusing, at best.
Nevertheless, the sex was where I felt closest to the characters. There was a
spark of emotion there, where the rest of the story lacked it. Perhaps, that
was where the author should have directed the creative efforts.
Anyway, I think that the author needs to work on style, focus, and fix up
technical problems.
Perhaps, we all ought to head out and re-read "The Sun Also Rises" instead.
Ratings for "Up In Michigan"
Athena (technical quality): 4
Venus (plot & character): 4
Crimson (appeal to reviewer): 3
"Contest Weekend" by Artie (by artie@netgate.net). Guest review by Watchful
Owl.
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=417790771
This story revolves around two things: good friends and hypnosis. These things
are not usually combined, but this story does it and does it well. It is
essentially a romantic story and never, ever degrades into a mind-control
scenario.
Two good friends, both ham radio operators, go up into the country to
participate in a radio competition. They live far apart, so they have to meet
there. When they arrive, our hero discovers that his friend has brought two
women with him.
He shows them the technique that he uses for self-hypnosis, and it helps them
all to relax. This could easily degenerate into a mind-controlling orgy, but it
doesn't. In fact, the only sex we see is between TWO people. Not four, not
three, but two. That's another thing you won't see every day.
This story was quite good. There were a few minor technical errors (missed
commas and so forth), but they hardly detracted at all. Most of the characters
are well-defined and have real emotions. The narrator seems to have an
unnatural amount of them (he bursts into tears quite often), but that is a
forgiveable offense.
Read "The Weekend Contest", but be warned: there is much more focus on story
than sex. As with all good erotic stories, if you're looking for a quick <ahem>
fix, go elsewhere.
Ratings for "Contest Weekend"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Watchful Owl (appeal to reviewer): 9
=====================
Reposted Reviews:
=====================
* "Lucid Dreamer" by Delta (delta@bc.sympatico.ca).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=246992017
Robert is a guy with a physical disability, and his limp has impaired his
capacity to hit it off with interesting women. Other than that, he is a normal
guy who likes to hang out with his friends at a bar. He also has a crush on a
woman whom he observes from a bus. And most important (for this story, that
is), he has been trying to take control of his dreams. He wants to have "lucid
dreams"; that is, he wants to become conscious of when he is dreaming and
deliberately let the dreams go where he wants them to go. He has read a book
about it, and by darn it should work! In fact, he has his eye on a lady whom
he has never met. All he knows is that she's beautiful and wears a wedding
ring. But if he ever became lucid in a dream, he had plans for that lady.
But then he meets Trudi, the girl of his dreams - literally. And then the
story gets complicated. I'm not going to try to summarize it. Let's just say
that it's a nice story that blends romance with the paranormal - sort of like
the movie "Ghost." If you're at all familiar with Delta's other stories, you
can easily suspect that this one might be good.
A technical note: Delta is a wonderful writer - Delta's worst stories are
better than I could ever write myself; and so the following "advice" needs to
be taken with a grain of salt. Delta posted this story in serial format - one
chapter at a time. I reviewed the first chapter (and I am repeating part of
that review here) and then I waited until the whole thing was finished before I
read and reviewed the whole story. In a cover letter Delta pointed out that
the characters had changed as the plot developed - and, indeed, that the basic
plot had changed in several ways. If this is the case, then it seems to me
that it would have been sensible to CHANGE some of the earlier parts in view of
these alterations; but since the earlier chapters had already "gone to press,"
this was impossible.
A large number of authors employ this serial format. I suppose a major reason
is that they want to get reactions and feedback from readers. Some authors get
started and then simply quit after one or two chapters; but it seems to me that
even those who continue may be hurting their cause. Wouldn't it be better to
wait until the author him/herself knows EXACTLY how the story will end before
considering the earlier chapters to be finished? It seems to me that authors
limit themselves by locking themselves into characterizations or plot elements
that either prevent development or make development awkward in view of earlier
statements that could easily be changed if they were not already etched in
stone.
Back to the present story - and to my original review! I have some theories of
my own about dreams. First, I have discovered that my own dreams aren't all
that interesting. These stories, for example, are usually a lot more
interesting than my dreams. I used to think my dreams were interesting, and
once I decided (like Robert in this story) to write down my really good ones.
For this purpose I kept a notepad by my bed. I had a really great dream one
night, and I jotted down some notes. Since it was a sexy dream, I cut the
notes short and cuddled up against my husband's ass, hoping to get back into
the dream. I drifted orgasmically back to sleep. The next morning at
breakfast I remembered my dream. Knowing that I could write a best-selling
novel based on that dream, I rushed back to the bedroom and retrieved the
notepad. The notes easily enabled me to recall the entire dream. It was one
of the stupidest stories I had ever heard of - even worse than some of the ones
my sister-in-law has described at the dinner table. Within a week I discovered
that MOST of my dreams became inane under close scrutiny. The dreams were
often really fun to have, but that must have because in my sleepy stupor I
focused on key details and ignored fairly obvious inconsistencies. My dreams
simply did not have complete and coherent plots; they fell apart under even
superficial analysis. In addition, they reeked of plagiarism. Since the
critical examinations were ruining my dream-sex-life, I threw the notepad away.
Second, I believe that the psychological "importance" of dreams is overrated.
Freud may have been a bright guy, but most dreams are not worth "interpreting."
I find that my dreams are just as likely to be influenced by what's on
television while I sleep, by noises outside my window, and by what I read as by
"subconscious feelings" that can give any meaning to my life. My dreams are
especially likely to be influenced by a pair of lips or a tongue on the right
part of my anatomy during the hour or so before I am scheduled to wake up; but
it doesn't require psychoanalysis to figure out why this is so.
Third, I have tried something similar to what Robert does in this story. I
have this personality flaw called a conscience that prohibits me from doing
some really neat things - like making love to my husband's best friend, eating
the pussy of one of the women I teach with, and engaging in a gangbang with
some attractive and athletic people. I don't object to having this conscience
rule my life; I honestly believe that bad things would happen in real life if I
just threw aside my moral code of conduct. But what pisses me off is that this
conscience runs not only my real life, but also my dream-life.
A while ago, for example, I was out jogging in the early morning with my
husband, when we came upon a blue-eyed blond in a really sexy body suit. She
was lying by the side of a beautiful lake, masturbating. When she noticed us,
she moaned, gave a come-hither look that brought my husband's cock to
attention, and invited us to join her. Then I found myself saying, "No, we
shouldn't do this." My husband replied, "Why not?". My cunt got this really
warm feeling, and I said to myself, "I think I'm dreaming." Then I continued,
"If this is a dream, I can go ahead...." But then the mere fact that I was
thinking that it might be a dream caused me to awaken from the dream.
Fortunately, my husband is great about things like this. He has given me
permission to cuddle up to him and bang away whenever I feel the urge. He
doesn't even care whether I awaken him or not, and I can include anyone I want
in my fantasies. Just once I'd like to go ahead with the original dream; but
the first time I do that, I'm certain I'll discover that it wasn't a dream
after all.
See what I mean? The analysis of my dreams can get really boring. Delta has
now finished this story, and I still haven't resolved my dilemma. But I can
dream, can't I?
Ratings for "Lucid Dreamer"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Dreamwalk" by Delta (delta*@bc.sympatico.ca).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=217777841
Have you ever had one of those dreams that seemed so vivid that you weren't
sure whether you were awake or not? And then you decide to wake up and you
think you have awakened; but you're not sure, because maybe you only dreamed
you woke up. The man in this story is approached in the middle of the night by
a mysterious, beautiful neighbor who informs him that he is in her dream - and
a nice, hot dream it is. Delta maintains the necessary mixture of reality and
unreality beautifully. Where does she get ideas like this? Another excellent
story.
Ratings for "Dreamwalk"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Am I Only Dreaming?" by Paddy Toute (paddy22@aol.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=244898175
My own life is close enough to this story, that I'm simply going to go
autobiographical here. Apparently some of my best sexual experiences have
occurred without my direct knowledge. I sometimes wake up in the morning
extremely refreshed and with vague recollections of a really nice dream. When
I check, I often find the dried remnants of a sticky substance somewhere on my
body or on the sheets. It seems that after a long, hard day when I obviously
need my sleep, my husband is kind enough to bring me to orgasm in my sleep.
The first time he admitted this to me, he was embarrassed and apologized for
"exploiting" me. As I questioned him, I discovered that my cunt had vibrated
in gentle orgasm for over 15 minutes while he kissed my ass, diddled my
clitoris, and was generally my main benefactor, before he had shot his wad onto
my asscheeks. What's a girl to do? I forgave him, of course; and have
"forgiven" him many times since that first occasion. Believe it or not, I had
two anal orgasms by this route before I even knew he was interested in that
sort of thing. What can I say? I sleep soundly. Of course, it has occurred
to me that he could... but I'd better not say, because that might be the plot
of this story.
Ratings for "Am I Only Dreaming?"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Transitions" by Ramapo (posted as "Transformations" by pjchis@cpcug.org).
Tiffani is a rather plain woman who has not hit it off with men. She has been
having very hot, intensely sexual dreams about female lovers. On an impulse
she answers an e-mail personal ad from a lesbian named Vixen who offers to make
her the woman of her dreams. After the exchange of a few intense messages,
Tiffani finds herself driving to meet Vixen. Now I'm getting close to spoiling
the story, and so I have to be careful here. Let me just say that I'll bet
somebody out there has a magic potion that can turn a person into the woman of
her dreams, but the FDA's bureaucracy won't let it onto the market until it has
gone through careful, clinical testing with appropriate control groups.
I forgot to mention that this story is science fiction - alternate reality
stuff. The cerebral part is interesting, but the dream descriptions are really
the sexy part.
Ratings for "Transitions"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Study Break" by D.A. Ignatius (Darknites) (jash@kuhub.cc.ukans.edu).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=193946964
Parts of this vignette will be familiar to any college student. The guy has
been studying long and hard for the impossible course. At 2:00 a.m. he takes a
break and lies down on his bed and closes his eyes for just a minute before
continuing. Suddenly, he realizes he has drifted off to sleep; but he is no
longer alone. Warm lips surround his cock. Etc. Was this all a dream? But
then how would he explain the silver ring on the bedside table by his clock?
Parts of this vignette will be familiar to almost all college students - in
their dreams!
Ratings for "Study Break"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Diary of a Voyeur" by J. Reynolds (cepheus42@hotmail.com).
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=357058740
This author made one of the most common mistakes that occur on this newsgroup:
he posted the story without title in the textfile and with his name only at the
very end of the story. I downloaded the story; but since it was a long one, it
was identified simply as 49f46c77.txt. By the time I went to read it, I no
longer knew what I was reading. It's surprising how many authors do this - and
how many readers simply ignore otherwise good stories simply because they're
not labeled correctly. The point is this: always put the title of your story
and your name and e-mail address at the beginning of the actual textfile that
readers will download; do not assume that this information will be available
just because you think it is listed on a title line - those title lines
disappear and cause inconvenience when stories get downloaded.
Having said that, I'll add that this is a very good story. As its title
suggests, this is the journal of a man who likes to look at women, resorting to
such strategies as arranging furniture so that his secretary will be positioned
for proper observation, peering through binoculars, hanging out in the mall's
food court with a newspaper as a prop and perhaps a duffel bag concealing a
video camera, and riding escalators at just the right distance to see a woman's
panties - or the absence thereof, as sometimes is the case. His imagination is
also quite active, and he also gets hard and shoots his wad at what I would
consider to be awkward times.
But then the story takes an unusual twist - or several unusual twists, as
fantasy merges with reality and the hunter becomes the prey. To find out what
that means, you should read this story.
Ratings for "Diary of a Voyeur"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Zero-G" by Hildegarde Bingen (hildegardeb@hotmail.com). Guest review by
Anne747.
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=261311930
This is an intriguing story that covers a fantasy I've always kind of had. HE
wants to experience sex in zero-g, SHE decides to attempt to bring that fantasy
to life. The darkened carnival sounded like a great choice, and I was even
surprised at the choice of rides. Now me, I get sick on carnival rides; but
the scenario sounded appealing, albeit a little dangerous.
Since I like constructive criticism of my own work, I'm just going to add a few
comments. A little more insight about the male character might have been nice.
I would like to have known more about his feelings about the situation (oops, I
forgot to mention, he's blindfolded through the whole thing). There are a
couple of places where a little more reaction from him might have added to the
feel of the piece.
The story is written in such a realistic style that you just have to wonder if
this is an actual retelling of an event. It probably should be labeled 'please
don't try this at home,' but it makes for wonderful fantasy. Almost makes me
eager for the opening of the CNE (our version of the State Fair)... although
Grav0l would be a must! This is a great story for those who like a little
danger with their sex.
Ratings for "Zero-G"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 9
Anne747 (appeal to reviewer): 9.5
* "Zero G" by Sandman (1998 sandman@bitsmart.com). Sandman's
stories are archived at ftp://asstr.ml.org/pub/Authors/sandman/index.html.
http://search.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=324192630
This is the third story posted to this newsgroup in which Steve
Whiley has appeared. I rated "Starlight" among my Top Stories of
January. I have not yet reviewed "Double Blind"; but if these
other two stories are any indication, that's a serious omission
that I had better correct.
Although this is technically and primarily a mystery story, it's
also the ultimate "mile-high-sex" story - sex in a moving space
vehicle (actually a modified asteroid) on its way to Mars. Hence
the title.
Ever since I learned about space travel and sex, I have wondered
about what it would be like to experience sex in a weightless
environment. Since I learned about weightlessness from Sister
Mary Tight Ass, you can easily imagine that the topic did not come
up in the classroom discussion. However, the fact that the first
American woman in space was named Sally Ride did cause a titter to
pass among us. At the time even giggled that the Russian women
were probably having sex in space - but probably with other women.
And so it was with great interest that I sat down at my computer
to read about Steve and Trish, with their potential for 40-
million-mile-high sex. The trip is scheduled to take eight weeks.
It turns out that the only real way to have sex in space is
orally: copulation is so difficult it isn't worth doing.
But midway into the trip, Dr. Ernest Vance, a wormhole researcher
from Harvard, is murdered. Since he is an ex-cop and a private
investigator, Steve is assigned to investigate the crime. Trish
serves as his faithful psychic - er, sidekick. She plays Watson
to Steve's Holmes - with the notable difference that she gets
sexually turned on while discussing clues.
Steve solves the crime, of course; and a reporter even tries to
purchase the VR rights to the story. The sex plays little real
part in the story; it's just background - very nice background.
This is a very good detective story. By that I mean the clues
actually make sense. Even if you don't figure out who did it
before the author tells you <*>, the clues make sense when the
Great Detective explains how he figured it out. In addition, the
science makes sense: the information regarding gravity seems to be
accurate, even though the wormhole notion is a flight of fantasy,
if you'll pardon the pun.
<*> = I sort of figured it out, but that doesn't mean I'd be a
good detective. When I read or watch detective stories, I tend to
wonder why the author is telling me something and what would offer
the best ending. Since real detectives deal with facts rather
than fiction, they don't have this luxury.
This story offered another candidate for the accidental quote of
the month: "He (the deceased) was a hard man...." As they say, a
hard man is good to find.
Although the author generally writes very well, this story has
several minor problems. For example, he confuses compliment for
complement. discrete discreet, and fiancee for fiance. {I think I
had better dig out my old grammar column.} However, these minor
errors do not significantly detract from the overall story.
Fucking through a wormhole - now THERE'S a possibility for a
sequel.
Ratings for "Zero G"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
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