Celestial Reviews 263 - March 4, 1998
Note: In the distant future Paul and Paulette accumulate enough
frequent flier miles and travel to Venus (actually, to a currently
undiscovered moon of Venus). They meet a Venusian couple and talk about
all sorts of things. Finally, Paulette brings up the subject of sex.
"Just how do you Venusians do it?" asks Paulette.
"Pretty much the way you do," responds the Venusian woman.
Discussion ensues, and finally the couples decide to swap partners for
the night, so that they can experience one another. Paulette and the
male Venusian go off to a bedroom where the Venusian strips. He has
only a teeny, tiny penis - about half an inch long and just a quarter
inch thick.
"I don't think this is going to work," says Paulette.
"Why?" the Venusian asks. "What's the matter?"
"Well," she replies, "It's just not long enough to reach deep inside
me!"
"No problem," he says, as he proceeds to slap his forehead with his
palm. With each slap of his noggin, his cock grows, until it 's quite
impressive in length.
"Well," she says, "That's quite inspiring, but it's still pretty
narrow...."
"No problem," he says, as he starts pulling his ears. With each pull,
his dick grows wider and wider, until the entire configuration is
extremely exciting to Paulette.
"Wow!" she exclaims, as they fell into bed and make mad, passionate
love. The next day the couples rejoin their normal partners and go
their separate ways.
As they walk along, Paul asks, "Well, was it any good?"
"I hate to say it," says Paulette, "but it was pretty wonderful. How
about you?"
"It was horrible," he replies; "I've got a terrible headache. All the
bitch kept doing the whole time was slapping my forehead and pulling my
ears."
Second note:
Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews
for me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
"Dr. Goodlove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love
the.... " by Maura Nelson (highway romance) 10, 9, 9
http://x5.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=315128433
"Scene from a Writer at Work" by Artie (romantic quickie)
10, 10, 10
http://x5.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=327659978
"Legal" by Wile E. Coyote (in-law sex) 6, 8, 8
http://x5.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=324869475
"Alice" by Pan (academic exhibitionism) 10, 10, 10
http://x5.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=328591267
"Canteloupe" by Art Montage (sex with tutor) 8, 8, 8
http://x5.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=328937268
"Air Force" by Kristen 'Kathy' Becker (sexual initiation)
9, 8, 8
http://x5.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=330242343
http://x5.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=330242347
Guest Reviews:
"My Six Year Itch" by Anne Arbor (one-nighter)
10, 10, 10
http://x5.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=326055093
"Young Jedi Knights" by PJ (sci fi kiddysex) 7, 9, 7
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=327426369
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=327426373
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=327426369
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=327426380
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=327426384
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=327426384
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=327426390
"Distant Lover" By Ana Hernandez (real-life cybersex)
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=329798821
"Tomboy" by TJ Walker (kiddy incest) 6
http://x5.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=327655085
"Seven and One Is Two" by Val White (sci fi FF sex)
9, 9, 10
http://x5.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=329798828
"The Personal Trainer" by SR (cybersex)10, 9, 9
http://x1.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=330253556
"The Lawyer from Akron" by SR (cybersex) 10, 10, 10
http://x10.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=330253547
Reposted Reviews:
* "Duty" by Uther Pendragon (revolutionary sex) 10, 10, 10
http://x5.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=195936052
* "Nextdoor" by Friar Dave (surprise!) 10, 10, 10
http://x5.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=330084898
* = Repost of previous review (because the story has recently been
reposted)
"Dr. Goodlove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the....
" by Maura Nelson (sexylines@hotmail.com). The title of this
story is a parody of the movie "Dr. Strangelove." That's the only
connection between the movie and this story. There also seems to
be a word missing at the end of the extended title of this story.
This story takes place in the great status symbol of 60s and 70s
youth: the VW van. Flower (actually Margaret, but she wants a
name that more clearly connotes the fact that she is blossoming)
hitches a ride with two of those long-haired guys that used to
roam the Western world. She pays for the ride by having sex with
both of her fellow travelers. She even fucks through the sun roof
of the VW with the nicer one. Things like this explain why so many
truckers ran off the road with grins on their faces back in those
less civilized days. The first guy is a dud, but the second
becomes the Love of Her Life. In fact, this story is a sort of a
25th anniversary memorial. Isn't that special?
This is a well-written, sexy story.
Ratings for "Dr. Goodlove"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Scene from a Writer at Work" by Artie (artie@netgate.net). As I
read the first part of this story, I said to myself, "Self, this
is a pretty good story, but the author seems to have the verb
tenses a bit screwed up." Then the narrator himself says to his
wife, "It's okay for a first draft; I need to go over it a few
times. I may have shifted verb tenses in there." Gotcha! Ya see,
the narrator is an author, writing a story and following the
highly useful practice of not worrying about grammatical details
during the first draft but being careful to polish his writing
before publishing it.
So the writer's wife looks over his shoulder and says, "Why don't
you ever right about me?" And he says, "You mean like this?" And
they jointly compose and act out a very short but intense erotic
escapade. The story has little plot development, but it's still
excellent.
Ratings for "Scene from a Writer at Work"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Legal" by Wile E. Coyote (ellem@webspan.net). Webster defines
"legal" as "old enough to be fucked without legal recriminations
against the person who performs the Act." That's Little Oral
Annie Webster, of course - not Noah or Daniel.
The girl has just turned 17, which makes her legal in her state,
which is apparently Arousal. Since she was 14 she has been trying
to seduce her brother-in-law, who was at that time one year more
than twice her age. {This is a question actually taken from the
math portion of the SAT: how old is the brother-in-law now?} But
he has always said, "No; not until you're legal."
Now that she's legal, he fucks her brains out - rather brutally.
The fact that the girl enjoys the harshness of the sex actually
makes sense in this case, since she is portrayed as a bit of an
airhead who wouldn't recognize love or a meaningful relationship
if someone shoved one up her ass.
This is by no means the best story I've reviewed lately. It's
full of silly errors; but it's possible that the author did this
on purpose - to convey the authentic impression that this babe
ain't gonna be a rocket scientist. She's just young, dumb, and
full of cum.
Ratings for "Legal"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Alice" by Pan (pan@nym.alias.net). The guy is a 45-year-old
heterosexual male history teacher. The woman is a female student
in his class. She likes to turn him on. She does this
unobtrusively in class, but she does it even more emphatically in
the gym. She designs her exhibitionism so that nobody except the
teacher is likely to notice that she is coming on to him. The
exhibitionism gets pretty hot!
The following is not a moral lecture. I obviously LIKED this
story. But the question I'd like to raise is, what is the actual
policy for college teachers regarding sex with students? Would a
teacher be in serious trouble for doing what the narrator does in
this story? I think the answer is YES, if anybody in a position
of authority found out about it.
Most colleges, I think, have a policy against coercive sex; and
since the teacher is in a position of authority (giving the
grade), I think colleges may ban sex with students (because the
student may feel coerced to "put out" in order to get a decent
grade). In addition, if we alter the present story just a little,
we could have the student blackmailing the teacher: "Give me a
good grade or I'll show the dean my email from you."
I honestly don't know what the policy is at most colleges or how
prevalent sex is between students and teachers on college
campuses. If the rules are what I think they are and if I were an
unscrupulous lawyer, I think I would place an advertisement in the
college newspaper, announcing that I would for a small fee enhance
the wealth of any student who has been having sex with a
professor.
Even so, this is a darned good fantasy!
Ratings for "Alice"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Cantaloupe" by Art Montage (dechant@northnet.org). Do antelope
eat cantaloupe? The answer doesn't matter. It's a light-hearted
sentence designed to help an oriental woman learn to pronounce
English more clearly. The story itself focuses on more
metaphorical melons.
The basic plot has a guy tutoring an oriental student and his
wife, but the male student is late quite often. Since the woman
doesn't want the tutor to get angry and stop tutoring them, she
apologizes by giving him some good sex. As Confucius say, "A
tutor will not leave if he is cumming."
The story has three main problems. First, it relies excessively on
descriptions and explanations rather than action, especially in
the earlier part of the story. Second, there are some grammatical
problems. One that I found annoying was the splintering of
compound words into two separate words (e.g., "heart felt" for
"heartfelt," "work books" for "workbooks"). Finally, I thought
the ending was a bit abrupt.
Overall, this is a pretty good story that could have become even
better with a little more proofreading.
Ratings for "Cantaloupe"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Air Force" by Kristen 'Kathy' Becker (Kristen78@aol.com). Kriste is
enrolled at the Air Force Academy. She wants to be a combat fighter
pilot. But the men don't like her, because they resent her as a woman
and because she won't put out for them. Near the beginning of the story
she is unpleasantly mauled by several male cadets. Confused about her
sexuality, she decides to get rid of her virginity by having sex in a
cheap motel with Johnny D, a rich asshole in her squad. Disappointed
with the experience, she has a Patsy Cline epiphany: "Is that all there
is?" But then David appears in his shining armor and fucks her
properly. Fulfilled in her womanhood, Kriste goes on to become a
successful fighter pilot.
The story has the basis of a good plot, and the sexual action - at least
in the second, romantic sequence - is hot. However, while the story is
good, it's not outstanding. {Note: I do not want to pick on this
author. She asked for specific advice. I hope that my advice can be
helpful both to her and to other authors who are trying to improve.}
The imperfection is difficult to pin down. Aside from some minor
problems with grammar, I think the story has two problems: excessive
introspection and timing.
First, this story is a bit too introspective. We learn all about what's
going on inside Kriste's mind. The author starts at the beginning and
explains Kriste's thoughts right up to her fulfilling session with
David. I don't mean to exaggerate the problem - after all, I DID give
the story an 8 - but parts of it read a little too much like an
anthropological study or a diary to be submitted for a psych class.
It's good to know Kriste's thoughts, but the best stories often contain
ACTIONS and brief conversations that reveal the mindsets of the
protagonists. If you check out the stories that usually fill my Top 20
lists each month (or the stories to which I have given straight 10
ratings in this issue of CR}, you'll discover that most of them find a
more creative way to tell the readers about a character's thoughts and
feelings.
The other problem is what I've called timing. It overlaps with the
first problem, and it's hard to describe. Almost everyone knows some
people who are better than others at telling jokes. They have timing.
They can use almost the same words and ideas as someone who tells the
joke less effectively, but they leave us with a better feeling. Timing
has to do with deciding exactly what to tell, when to tell it, how much
to tell, and how to relate the parts of the story. It's done
differently by different people. Some of us seem to acquire timing
naturally, but I don't think it's an innate characteristic: we can
certainly develop our skills at timing.
I think one of the best ways to develop storytelling ability is to
notice it in others. When you read a good story by someone else, try to
notice when that author does something interesting. Then do it yourself
when you get a chance. Don't just copy: add your personal touch to what
the other writer did. And don't just limit yourself to short stories on
this newsgroup. If you like South Park, ask yourself what it is that
makes that show so interesting to you. If you liked Titanic, ask
yourself why. Other shows have had good special effects; why do so many
people keep coming back to see Titanic? You won't do exactly what these
other people do; but by noticing what they do, you can benefit from
their influence.
Ratings for "Air Force"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"My Six Year Itch" by Anne Arbor (AnneArbor@hotmail.com). Guest review
by Father Angelico.
{Father Angelico purports to have a cable TV show on the Internal Word
Television Network. The IWTN appears to be nonsensical, and should
probably not be viewed by people who are easily beguiled by lunatics.
Comments inserted in brackets are mine.}
This is a story about perverts - vile, wicked, depraved, degenerate
perverts. The husband and wife have begun to take each other for
granted. Instead of doing something constructive - like going to church
together {or reading Celestial Reviews out loud to each other} - the
husband goes on a business trip and the wife meets a wicked and immoral
man at a seminar at work.
Beware of Australians! There is something inherently wrong with people
who take pride in being "down under."
She doesn't say "no," and he takes that as a "maybe", which is really a
tacit "yes". She wants to feel him making love to her more than he wants
to tell him to stop and let her think logically. With her husband it's
lovemaking, but with this lover it's raw sex, and she likes the
difference. Alas and woe! I'd like to turn this evil vixen over my knee
and spank her little ass! She gives new meaning to the word flagitious!
This was a despicable story! Just say NO to sex!
Ratings for "My Six Year Itch"
{Note from Celeste: simply subtract the padre's scores from 10, and
you'll get a reasonable approximation of Venus and Celeste.}
Grammar (technical quality): 10 (Even the devil can do good
grammar!
Purity (plot & character): 0 (These are depraved people!)
Holiness (appeal to reviewer): 0 (Woe unto thee....!)
"Young Jedi Knight Sex Stories" by pjurado@aol.com (Pjurado).
This review is the personal opinion of Kim, who can be contacted
at ghost@nym.alias.net.
Yet another story set in the worlds of Star Wars, first brought to
us by the Star Wars trilogy of movies, but since extended by comic
and novel. Since I have apparently become the resident Star
Wars/Star Trek reviewer, this story has come my way. This one
introduces many characters never seen, or even mentioned, in the
films; but it integrates them seamlessly with the accepted milieu.
It mainly tells the story of Jacen and Jaina, the young twin son
and daughter of the now married Han Solo and Princess Leia.
They've both been away to Uncle Luke's Jedi training academy. The
trouble is, poor Jacen has the hots for his sis Jaina, and no
sooner has he shown her his saber than they're at it on the floor
of the cargo hold of the transport ship taking them home to mom
and dad. Jaina willingly gives up her virginity in the process.
Once home, Prime Minister Leia (hmmm, Princess to Prime Minister,
seems like a demotion to me) catches the two incestuous lovers at
it again, and being overcome with understanding motherly concern,
promptly banishes them from the republic forever, and blows up
Jaina's bedroom with a magical power thingy. Han returns home,
from a night out with Lando and the guys, to a partially
demolished home and banished kids and just shrugs it off. Kids of
tomorrow, eh?
The two renegades steal an x-wing and fly off to adventures new,
which includes working in a brothel, getting kidnapped by a mind-
controlling sex-crazed t'landa Til (they're similar to Huts, but
you can tell them apart because of their horn, or something),
having a major tussle or two with a Mandalorean Knight called
Black Asp, and meeting up with an old flame, the one-armed (yes,
really) Jedi warrior-woman Tenel Ka. The usual Star Warian stuff
really. Well, except that George Lucas didn't have as much sex in
his versions.
On the whole, I enjoyed the sappy story as much as I enjoyed any
of the Star Wars stuff. Looking for a believable, sensible plot is
mostly a waste of time. You just go with the flow and have fun. I
thought the writing tended to the purple on many occasions, and
some of the expressions were unintentionally amusing, either from
the florid nature of the prose, or from the misuse of a relevant
word.
There's also an unpleasant strain of misogyny running through much
of the sex scenes, with several acts of brutish sex, or
humiliating sex for the woman, and as a finale, one clear rape of
a virgin. Also, be warned that there is obviously incest, and both
of the main participants are only fifteen years old. But if you
can live with that kinda stuff, you'll probably appreciate the
arousal factor. There's plenty of hot, if slightly repetitious,
coupling throughout the story.
Ratings "Young Jedi Knight Sex Stories"
Athena (technical quality): 7 (Too purple for me)
Venus (plot & character): 9 (Pretty silly, but fine by Star Wars
standards)
Kim (appeal to reviewer): 7 (Would have been higher but for
the misogyny)
"Distant Lover" By Ana Hernandez (SinpleAna@aol.com). Guest Review by
Sandman (sandman@bitsmart.com).
The Internet may very well be one of the most important developments in
the sexual revolution. Oh sure, Mr. Bell gave us all those 1-900 sex
kitten lines, but it took the Internet to make it possible to meet
someone three thousand miles away and get to know them well enough so
that the moment you DO meet the other person it's hop right into bed
time. No expensive dinners, no theater tickets, no walks along the
beach, no pretending to like opera, heck in this story no condoms either
(let us all contemplate the joys of safe sex for a moment). Just, "wow
you look as great as your picture" and poof, you're off to a hotel room
having the best sex you've ever had in your life. And it does happen.
In my real life I have friends who met on the net and she moved from
Georgia and married him.
It apparently happens frequently in stories as well, even stories based
on real life, which this one purports to be. And that is the premise of
this story. A woman and man have a cyber relationship and take the
ultimate step of moving fantasy into real life. The point of view is
from the woman, and the author does a top notch job of exploring the
anticipation and the fear of the first meeting and subsequent first
fuck. This story is tasteful, erotic, and very sexy in a very
believable way.
There are a few mistakes in the story, but most of them are easily
overlooked, and I really wont dwell on nit-picking. My main criticism
is a good one actually -- the story left me wanting to know more about
the characters. Yes I enjoyed this one, and yes I am most definitely
recommending it.
Ratings for "Distant Lover"
Athena (technical quality): 9-- A few technical mistakes.
Venus (plot & character): 10 -- Nice plot, nicely handled.
Sandman (appeal to reviewer): 10 - Was the pierced tongue that
turned the trick.
"Tomboy" by TJ Walker (Reposted by Commander Jameson). Guest review by
David Myers.
So many of the incest stories in a.s.s.m. suffer from lack of
originality. There are times when this genre can really shine, but
usually I come away hoping for something a little different than the
last time. Walker has a few well-written moments, but fails to show
something really new.
The Synopsis: Two very young teen boys each find themselves attracted to
the other boy's sister. A group scene ensues and the at least one boy
finds himself attracted to his own sister, too.
My favorite line in this story is one that underscores how Walker fails
to suspend my disbelief over the situation:
"If you want, you can come in my panties..." she began.
I laughed pretty hard. This point comes midway in the narrative, after
the boys have been jacking off together with some magazines and one of
the sisters, who is 12, is ready to join in the fun. This comes after
almost no sexual build-up on the girl's part, and is one of her first
lines of dialogue.
I should give Walker some credit with the last third of the story. He
does manage to build up some nice (and fairly hot!) scenes that are very
different from the no-frills head-first start. Still, I can't help but
think that this one was written in two different stages, and sewn
together too quickly in the middle. It leaves a disjointed feeling for
the reader.
Rating: 6
"Seven and One Is Two" by Val White (val72@hotmail.com). This review is
the personal opinion of Kim, who can be contacted at ghost@nym.alias.net
Well here I am again, Celeste's SF reporter calling in from outer space.
Tell me, does the term "Slash" mean anything other than cutting someone
with an edged weapon?
Well, in this case it means the sort of hot fan-fiction written about
fantasy characters, usually Star Trek, and often gay in content. The
term slash being derived from the "/" character used to separate the
story codes. Should you want to read an interesting article on the whole
Slash genre, then you could do a lot worse than point your browser at
http://www.ilt.columbia.edu/projects/live_culture/lc1/articles/slash.htm
l for a good explanation.
This particular story is set aboard the star ship Voyager, captained by
the fabulous Catherine Janeway. Into the crew's lives has come the
enigmatic and stunning Borg babe, "Seven of Nine". The Borg don't go in
for flashy names, they live as a commune, rather like insects. As
ruthless a bunch of folk as your likely to encounter should you happen
to be ambling about the cosmos.
Cut off from the collective, poor SofN is having to adapt to human ways
and customs. To this end she consults the Captain on how best to
integrate with the crew socially. The conversation gets round to matters
intimate and sexual. One thing leads to another and pretty soon the
Captain is giving SofN some very personal tuition.
I have to admit to this one pressing plenty of buttons for me. Star Trek
is one of my favorite television phenomena, and Voyager may even be my
favorite. Girl/girl sex is nearly always a good thing in my book. As for
the story, well it is what it is; unashamedly slash fiction. Take
away the Star Trek and you'd have a perfectly presentable lesbian
encounter, but nothing really outstanding. But that's not the point, so
I'm gonna mark it as slash fiction. I adored it. The rest of you may
want to pass.
Ratings for "Seven and One Is Two"
Athena (technical quality): 9 (Nothing wrong, just not sparkling)
Venus (plot & character): 9 (The Capt. licks the new girl -- yeah!)
Kim (appeal to reviewer): 10 (I wanted to give it straight tens, but...
)
"The Personal Trainer" by SR (parasol_60@yahoo.com). This reviewer
has never taken part in cyber sex.... OK, you can stop
laughing/gasping in disbelief! I'm not deprived or disapproving,
it's just not my thing. So it took me a few lines to realize to
appreciate why the author chose the spelling/typing style she/he
did. This story is an online MF dialog in which the woman
describes her sexual fantasy about a male personal trainer to her
cyber lover.
What at first seemed sloppy presentation is, of course, an
imitation of the typing style people trying to communicate swiftly
online adopt. So there are missing letters, capitals, etc. - but
this is in tune with the story, not errors on the part of the
author. At least that's my assumption. This style does make it
harder to read, particularly the absent paragraph breaks.
Paragraph are used to indicate alternate speakers, so there are
none within the woman's long sections. Bit of a dilemma - go for
verisimilitude, as the author has - or adopt standard presentation
and be easier to follow. They're both good schemes.
The sex is hot and straightforward!<g> I enjoyed the detail:
>He closed his eyes as the throaty moans from my mouth vibrated
the
>swollen head of his cock, and began to gently sway back and
forth.
Though it's difficult to pick a quote - so much is so well
described. All in all, a good story. Not much characterization -
though of course it's a bit short for that - but a fun read.
Ratings for "The Personal Trainer"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Bronwen (appeal to reviewer): 9
"The Lawyer from Akron" by SR (mailto:parasol_60@yahoo.com). Guest
review by The Bear (mailto:thebear@io.com).
Interesting coincidence: I had just finished reading this story on ASS
and was preparing to send a complimentary note to the author when I
checked my email and found that Celeste had sent me the story for a
review. I already wrote my note to the author; now here is my review to
let potential readers know about this new author to watch for.
"The Lawyer from Akron" purports to be a captured chat session between
the eponymous lawyer and a chatroom temptress using the name Paranoid.
I'm not an aficionado of online chat, but this piece has the ring of
authenticity to it. After some flirtatious banter and getting to know
each other, the pair get down to a hot description of his preferences in
getting head, and her preferences in giving it. If anyone finds the
early parts of the story a bit slow, the final few paragraphs should
more than make up for it.
Rereading the story for purposes of this review, I had some difficulty
with the first two ratings. The plot is minimal, the character
development limited by the chosen format. Punctuation and capitalization
seem natural for a chat session in which the chatters don't deem such
niceties important. I decided that both are appropriate to the story,
and gave it 10s all around.
BTW, readers who enjoy this story will be pleased to learn that the
author posted several other pieces in similar format (chat sessions)
although with a variety of plots. They're worth a search on DejaNews, or
a trip to Eli's ASSM Archive when it is back up.
Ratings for "The Lawyer from Akron":
Athena (technical merit): 10
Venus (plot and character): 10
Bear (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Duty" by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.net). This author has learned
to write like a behavioristic teacher. We teachers say things like, "Do
you want to read Hamlet or Macbeth next?" Actually, if they had to read
at all, our students would prefer to read Stephen King or maybe Sports
Illustrated or probably TV guide. But it's best to give them the
illusion of control. And so the lieutenant says to the peasant woman,
"Do you want me to rape you here in the main square while the men use
cattle prods on you, or would you prefer to go inside the house and be
my sweetheart? Macbeth looks shorter, and there probably are no cattle
prods in the house, and there's no chance of getting out of the
assignment anyway, and so she becomes the lieutenant's sweetheart pro
tem.
The lieutenant is a graduate of the School of the Americas - not the one
in South Bend where they play football, but rather the one that the US
government operates to train military officers from Latin America. I'm
sure some readers will enjoy this story of a[n] officer exploiting a
peasant woman as "really great sex." I found it to be a genuinely
realistic portrayal of a real asshole.
Ratings for "Duty"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Nextdoor" by Friar Dave (friar.dave@teamhbbs.com). The single
father comes home from work early and discovers his only child
Jan, who is 12-years-old, in the shower with Marty, the much older
physical fitness instructor who lives next door. Eavesdropping
briefly, the father concludes that the activities in the shower
include anal intercourse. Since he doesn't want to traumatize his
child, the father decides to wait until they're finished and
confront them.
As I read this story, I grew suspicious. Friar Dave is a good,
creative author, and this story bordered on the banal. I began to
consider the possibility that maybe there was a punch line - maybe
things weren't what they seemed to be. Maybe the father had
jumped to the wrong conclusion and taken me with him- maybe the
child and friend were just giving the dog a bath or something. So
I tried to read the story with possible innocent meanings in mind.
I was right. Things weren't what I thought they were. But I
still missed the surprise ending. Maybe you'll have better luck.
It was an enjoyable story.
Ratings for "Nextdoor"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
GRAMMAR TIP OF THE WEEK: Some readers have encouraged me to resume these
grammar tips. If you have suggestions or comments, please send them to
me.
INTO & ONTO. The word INTO is not always a proper replacement for IN
TO, nor is the word ONTO always replacement for ON TO.
INTO means "to a place or position; in toward." Into actually has
several more meanings, but the key point is that very often "in" and
"to" need to be separated:
WRONG: She gave into his demands and agreed to have sex
with him and his ex-girlfriend.
RIGHT: She gave in to his demands and agreed to have sex
with him and his ex-girlfriend.
ABSOLUTELY SILLY: After he read the marriage manual for two
hours, he went INTO see if he could pop his wife's cherry.
ONTO means "to a place or position; upon." In other cases "on" and "to"
need to be separated.
WRONG: He rubbed the oil into her buttocks and then went
ONTO her breasts. {This means he mounted her breasts.}
RIGHT: He rubbed the oil into her buttocks and then went
ON TO her breasts. {This means he continued by rubbing
oil into her breasts}
WRONG: The foreplay was so exciting that she could hardly wait
to move ONTO the real sex.
RIGHT: The foreplay was so exciting that she could hardly wait
to move ON TO the real sex.
WRONG: He bucked up and down so wildly that I was unable to
hold onto his cock with my pussy muscles. {"mussels" would
be a different error - or an interesting metaphor}
RIGHT: He bucked up and down so wildly that I was unable to
hold on to his cock with my pussy muscles.
ABSOLUTELY SILLY: He had so much fun fucking his mother
that he went ONTO bob the knob with his sister and aunts
as well.
ADDENDUM TO LAST ISSUE'S GRAMMAR TIPS: A reviewer called this to my
attention. When you're using direct quotations, do NOT use the past
tense to express the exact words of quotations that someone said in the
past. However, when using indirect quotations, it is necessary, and
often complicated, to put the quotations in the past tense, even if the
words were present tense when stated.
WRONG: Henry looked at her as she gazed out the window.... "Where
the hell were we?" she thought.
RIGHT: Henry looked at her as she gazed out the window.... "Where
the hell are we?" she thought.
RIGHT: I wondered where the hell we were.
RIGHT: She wondered where the hell they were.
WRONG: She thought, "Was I going to meet his expectations?"
RIGHT: She wondered whether she would meet his expectations.
WRONG: She asked herself, "How many of these guys did I fuck last
night?"
RIGHT: She asked herself how many of these guys she had fucked
previous night.