Celestial Reviews 262 - February 28, 1998
Note: A Fundamentalist Minister in Alabama, sorely tempted, finally
propositioned the Choir director one night after practice, when they
were alone in the Church.
"Where Reverend ?" she enthusiastically replied.
"Right here on the floor." he panted.
"It'd be too cold." she whispered. "How about standing up ?"
"Good Lord girl. Have you taken leave of you senses ?" he shouted. "If
anyone came in, they'd think we were dancing."
Second note: There has been some discussion on a.s.s.d. recently about
"the reviewing process." Since Celestial Reviews is the main source of
reviews on this newsgroup, I guess some of that discussion has been
about CR. Because the a.s.s.d. newsgroup is so full of spam and because
AOL gives me no effective way to control spam within a newsgroup, I
don't have time to follow a.s.s.d. carefully; and so I may have a
distorted impression of the discussion there. In fact, I am almost
CERTAIN that I have a distorted impression, because the main point as I
understand it is so blatantly silly.
What I see is a complaint that "the reviews" are having an unfortunate
tendency to weaken the quality of stories by scaring away good authors.
This happens, supposedly, because a clique of reviewers give low ratings
in personal preference to stories that they find to be personally
displeasing. These critics seem to think that a bunch of friendly
people like myself and the guest reviewers, who receive no payment at
all for their services, are supposed to rate stories based solely on
their "quality," which can be ascertained independently of their
content. Either that or we're supposed to selflessly boil down the
plots of every conceivable story to just a few lines, so that people can
find the ones that sound good without the annoyance of finding out
whether we liked the story. {If that sounds silly, I warned you. I
suspect I am dealing with a "straw man" here, but that still gives me a
basis for making the following points.}
First, let me try to point out the basic lack of logic in this argument.
If I read a story in which a person writes coherent, complete sentences
with a well-developed plot about how much fun it is to have his wife
shove shit down his throat while he plays with his own penis, I think I
have a right to perceive this as abnormal or dysfunctional behavior. To
say that this is a well written story would miss the point: it's
primarily a really silly story, and it's only appropriate that I should
point this out in a review.
As for personal attacks, I think we should avoid them. I personally
dislike personal attacks when people malign me. When one "critic"
berated me for "having no respect for author's rights," I was certainly
annoyed. The attack was absolutely preposterous and the person who said
it should have known better. On the other hand, he seemed to be a
decent sort and probably had no idea how abrasive he could be. I let
that comment slide, and I encourage others to let apparently hostile
comments slide. These newsgroups give us a forum in which it is
sometimes hard to judge the nuances and real meanings of what others
want to say. I suppose I am viewed as abrasive sometimes by people to
whom I intend to be friendly. So it goes.
If the author in the shit-eating story I mentioned above insisted that
his was a "true" story, I'm not sure that it would be out of the
question to consider this author to be a bizarre person. If one of my
guest reviewers states that he hated a story because it romanticized
sociopathic behaviors, I am not going to insist that he say something
nicer. I do NOT think that authors "get off the hook" with simple
disclaimers that "these events are fiction." If a person writes a bdsm
story that romanticizes cruelty and gives no basis for accepting this
scenario as either realistic or a good fantasy - in other words, if the
story itself pretty clearly says that it is fulfilling both to the
victim and the perpetrator when one person is brutally cruel to another
and gives no evidence to show why this is a sensible story -
then it makes sense to be critical of that story.
Keep in mind, however, that Edgar Alan Poe wrote GREAT stories in which
the plots and personalities were bizarre. Some people on this newsgroup
do the same. My humble advice is that when a responsible reviewer says
a story sucks the author should at least consider the possibility that
the story could stand substantial improvement.
Certainly, there are other cases where the difference between "normal"
and "dysfunctional" is not so clear. Pedophile and incest stories are a
good example. As I have said many, many times, I think society's
prohibition of these behaviors generally makes sense; and I would not be
upset if people convicted of abusive pedophile behaviors received severe
punishment. I also presume and pray that police officers hang around in
cyberspace and track down perpetrators who abuse real-life children
through the Internet.
Having said this, I still think it is possible to write a good story
about pedophilia or incest. For example, I recall a story by Ann
Douglas in which a mother was afraid that her son would enter into a bad
relationship and made tender love to him as a step in preventing a bad
decision on his part. I also think it is natural for children to
fantasize about sex with their parents - isn't that what the Oedipus
complex is all about? In real life, however, I do NOT think that most
mothers should play bury the salami with their sons; but I have
frequently given high ratings to stories that give a sensible depiction
of pedophile or incestuous behavior.
However, I would venture to say that 90% of the pedo/incest stories
posted to this newsgroup are childish gibberish - the output of
adolescent or disturbed imaginations of people who are trying to find
approval for behaviors that would be harmful to themselves and to
others. I have no need to denounce these people as evil or as perverts;
in fact, I assume most of them are good people. But it seems to me that
it should not be surprising that a lot of these stories are not worth
recommending.
As a non-pedo/incest person, can I review these stories? Certainly I
can. I just may not WANT to spend my time on them very often - because
stories that are outright silly or that romanticize destructive
behaviors are not a lot of fun for me to read.
I honestly feel that I give a fair break to stories that are based on
value systems, premises, and life experiences that are different from my
own. Although many of my guest reviewers decline to review pedo/incest
stories, I wish they wouldn't do that so often. I suspect the reason
they do so is that they (1) find the task to be unpleasant or (2) feel
they will say negative things about the story because it seems
objectively negative to them. I think the first is a good reason, and
the second not as good.
Anyway, I hope you continue to enjoy these Celestial Reviews. If the
"appeal to reviewer" rating bothers you, just skip it.
Personally, I consider these "reviews" to be more than reviews. For
example, I am not so stupid as to believe that my "review" of DG's "Call
of Desire" was really a review of that story - it was a story itself,
using DG's story as a jump-off point. At other times I inject anecdotes
from my own life into a review or poke fun at an author. I believe I am
generally writing essays that lots of people enjoy. I take great
pleasure in doing this, and my readers seem to like what I write. Many
of the guest reviewers prefer a different style of interacting with
authors and reviewers, and I encourage them to keep right on being
themselves. These stories can be fun, and the reviews can make them
even more enjoyable.
Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews
for me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
"Just This Once" by Jordan Shelbourne (romantic bdsm)
10, 10, 10
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=328591257
"Arg" by OddManOut (barbarian rape) 9, 9, 9
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=328602152
"Paying for the Ride" by Spoonbender (elevator rape)
9, 7, 5
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=327664759
"Roadside Encounter" by Tom Bombadil (abduction fantasy)
10, 10, 10
"Two Women, Two Fantasies" by DG (fantasy fulfillment)
10, 10, 10
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=327426360
"Sacrificial Lamb" by Tiffany (sexual degradation) 7, 5, 3
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=315128607
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=315128602
Guest Reviews:
"Transparent Like Glass" by sfmaster (criminal sex) 9, 10, 9
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=325300334
"Camping Out" by Val White (kiddy orgy) 8, 6, 4
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=328602198
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=329250798
"Border Crossing" (MF MF) by Fenris (strip search & rape)
8, 9, 9
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=324869379
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/8425.txt
"Until Dawn" by Kelly (romantic D/s) 8, 9, 9
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=324869346
"Angela and Debbie Play Ten Questions" by the Warthog
(consensual gangbang) 9, 9, 9
http://x10.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=313835419
http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/7055.txt
Reposted Reviews:
* "Snarl" by Uther Pendragon (playful sex) 10, 8, 9
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=194301848
* "Woman2Woman" by Candy Kane" (ff computer show
sex) 9.27A
http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=329250794
* = Repost of previous review (because the story has recently been
reposted)
"Just This Once" by Jordan Shelbourne (jordan@u36.com). The
author's stories are available at http://www.u36.com/jordan.
For her 21st birthday Becky has arranged a semi-blind date with an older
married man she has met on the Internet. As soon as he meets her, he
asks her to insert a butt plug, and she acquiesces. Then they go out to
dinner - nouvelle cuisine. Plausible? Well, I guess it depends on what
they have already talked about via email. At the restaurant he gives
her a safe word and a quit sentence. And they're off to the races.
I'm not a big bdsm fan myself, but I really enjoyed this story. It's
intelligent - not childish. It focuses not on degradation or
humiliation, but on the mutual pleasure of both partners. Even if I
never do this myself, this story has broadened my horizons. I like that
kind of story a lot.
Ratings for "Just This Once"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Arg" by OddManOut (oddman0ut@hotmail.com). The name "Arg" not only
designates the hero of this story, it also suggests his IQ, or at least
his level of civilization. In programs like Mathematica and Matlab "Arg"
is the term used to refer to the argument of a given function. The
monosyllabic and eponymous hero of this story is not a mathematician,
and his functions are severely limited. In this story, 'Arg' is the
name of a barbarian warrior. Those of you who found this story through
DejaNews in a quest for tips on Mathematica or Matlab will be
disappointed. Instead, this story contains graphic depictions of non-
consensual sex in a fantasy setting. So be warned!
Apparently Arg has single-handedly conquered a band of warriors who owe
allegiance to the evil warlord Balrag. Among Arg's booty is the
beautiful young Nala. He feeds her and fucks her. In fact, he pops her
cherry and makes her enjoy it. I've never been raped by a barbarian -
or even by a lawyer, for that matter - but the description seemed
realistic.
The author seems to play a little loose with his language. For example,
I don't know what he means by a "harrier," and wigwams were specialized
dwellings used by a limited number of American Indians, and North
America does not seem to be the setting of this story.
Ratings for "Arg"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Paying for the Ride" by Spoonbender
(Theodore@spoonbender.demon.co.uk). Lawrence has invited Beth to
dinner. The invitation is for an awkward time, but Beth seems to
like Lawrence (who is wealthy), and so she accepts the invitation.
Besides, its at Horizons, one of the most interesting restaurants
in Toronto.
Now here's where my cultural ignorance puts me at a disadvantage.
The woman gives her last money to the cab driver, and then she
discovers that she has to pay twelve dollars to ride the elevator
to the restaurant. The elevator operator lets her ride for free,
enigmatically saying that he'll be paid later. The operator is
accompanied by two Mafia-style goons, who hold Beth while he rapes
her. My cultural problem is that I don't understand (1) why a
person would have to pay to ride an elevator to meet someone in a
restaurant, (2) why she couldn't call ahead and get someone to
summon her boyfriend to help her, and (3) why there are no laws
against raping women in elevators in Toronto. I guess maybe this
is what the author meant when he said he exercised some artistic
license.
Anyway, since rape is inevitable, she relaxes and enjoys it.
Actually, she doesn't enjoy it. She hates it. But she enjoys it.
But she hates it. But she agrees to do it again right away with
another guy.
I want to avoid moralizing - I really do; and so don't take this
as moral disapproval. However, I'm not convinced that the author
has set up a good enough context to make me believe that this
woman would react to a rape quite the way she does.
And we STILL don't know how she's going to pay for the cab ride
home!
Ratings for "Paying for the Ride"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5
"Roadside Encounter" by Tom Bombadil (stbush@iglou.com). A man
and his wife are having one of those to-tell-the-truth sessions,
and he is relating to her an interesting sexual escapade from his
college days.
I don't want to give you all the details. He is walking home from
a late-night study session, when a senior girl invites him into
her van. He is blindfolded and is promised a good time if he
follows instructions. You can well imagine what those
instructions might be.
While the man is relating this story, his wife is giving him one
hot ride. Although the wife never speaks and the husband only
vaguely describes what she is doing to him (because he's trying to
concentrate on the to-tell-the-truth story, of course), I managed
to get a rather inspiring picture of what was happening to him.
This was a very good storytelling technique.
Another excellent story!
Ratings for "Roadside Encounter"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Two Women, Two Fantasies" by DG (dionysian1@hotmail.com). The
author's stories are archived at
http://www.io.com/~thebear/dgidx.htm.
Two couples are partying together and decided that it would be
great to have the wives write down their deepest, darkest
fantasies and share them with their husbands, who will help bring
the fantasies to fruition. A few days later one couple has a bdsm
fantasy, the other is getting the massage of her life.
I can't tell you much more, except to say that the author adds a
postscript indicating that he laughed his ass off when he thought
of the idea. The story also reminded me of the time my sister-in-
law was in charge of assigning names for the Christmas present
exchange, and she assigned everyone her own name.
Actually, the title is wrong: there are MORE than two fantasies in
this story.
I started this story with some apprehension, but I wound up
laughing my own ass off.
Ratings for "Two Women, Two Fantasies"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Sacrificial Lamb" by Tiffany. The husband has lost the family fortune
and has gone away to try to get a job. Mom is going to have to move in
with Sis and her gang of dysfunctional weirdoes. In order for Mom and
the virgin daughter to survive, the daughter is going to have to satisfy
the sexual needs of these sadistic perverts. Mom doesn't like the idea,
of course; but she has an orgasm every time she even thinks about
sacrificing her cute little sex kitten for the good of the family.
When they get off the bus to meet their relatives, they find that plans
have changed a little. There's a bit with an elderly black guy and the
news that Ginger's cherry will be popped by a neighbor (in exchange for
a pig), and the kids are even dumber than we have been led to believe.
These people make Arg seem positively polysyllabic.
Then the story stops.
I had really expected something better than this. As it is, this story
has value primarily as a satire - a really bad satire - on the theory of
sexual relativity.
Ratings for "Sacrificial Lamb"
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 3
"Transparent Like Glass" by sfmaster@worldnet.att.net. Our hero tends
bar, and a lovely lady customer makes a pass. After a while she proposes
the pair of them commit a big robbery she's planned, The lovers will
make their fortunes and leave the country together. It doesn't turn out
like that. The sex is hot and straight, though oddly one-sided.
>Unlike the quick rutting of our earlier sex, this time I slowed the
tempo
>even as I raised her to greater heights of passion and orgasm.
The hero obviously belongs to the man as violinist, woman as violin
school of lovemaking - whereas I like to fiddle about on my own account.
The sex is the least important part. I find this story difficult because
I'm still not sure why I like it. Raymond Chandler is, in my view, one
of the great writers of this century. And there is something, just a
tiny smidgen, of his laconic beat in this - though none of his lyricism.
And yet is this trace any more than the effect Chandler's work has had
on every PI narrative since? Who can tell? Not this reviewer. I've read
this story three times slowly, and I can tell you what's wrong with it,
but I'm still not sure what's right. Though there's a lot more right
than wrong.
In some ways this story is very cliched, but it worked for me. Which is
weird in itself, because there are a number of typos, and errors.
Glitches in formatting, typos, misspellings - all these things usually
put me off my stride as a reader but they didn't bother me much this
time. The author clearly can produce perfect copy, just hasn't in this
instance. I sympathize - I've done it too in my impatience to post, but
I've had to take a mark off.
I think it's the pace that works so well. There's a rhythm to the story,
and this works. And the level of detail is well judged. I could see it
unrolling like a movie. Kim Basinger as the heroine. Gerard Depardieu as
the hero, maybe. Choose your own cast, but you get the picture. Along
these means streets stumbles a flummoxed reviewer.
Ratings for "Transparent Like Glass"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Bronwen (appeal to reviewer): 9 - not sexy, but I liked it.
"Camping Out" by Val White (e-mail val72@hotmail.com). Guest Review by
BillyG.
I have nothing against a formulaic method of writing. Hell, at root,
most stories follow some sort of outline and many are very successful.
No, I don't object to a formula per se, just one that's too simplistic
perhaps.
The story "Camping Out" appears to adopt the belief that if one is good,
two is better, and three is better yet. It's the numbers' game of
writing a story about sex. The fallacy, of course, lies in the fact
that more people involved in sexual acts are not more sexy.
Too, it stretches credibility when we're asked to embrace the scenario
of three, 13-year-old boys, each with four-inch dicks, all of whom love
to get it on together. That they can masturbate each other, suck each
other, and even fuck each other in the ass, strains our capacity to
identify a bit more. Then we're given some relief to learn that they
aren't really homosexual because they don't kiss one another! Whew!
Had me worried for a moment.
Too humdrum? Enter three, 13-year-old girls in this `camping out' story
of seduction and sexual abandon. They too have discovered the
convenience as well as the pleasure of same-sex activities. But don't
worry, they're really there to get it on with the boys.
Gosh, I didn't mean to give away the entire plot! Oh well. It's the
action, not the plot anyway.
So, what do we have, aside from the formulaic `more is better' trap,
coupled with round-heeled chicks? Not much.
This type of story would be better told were it about characters that
appeared real, in a less contrived situation and with some elements of
seduction.
Ratings for "Camping Out"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 6
BillyG (appeal to reviewer): 4
"Border Crossing" by Fenris (mailto:fenriskw@aol.com)
DejaNews link: http://x2.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=324869379
ASSM Archive link: http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/8425.txt
Review by The Bear (mailto:thebear@io.com)
This story is about two American girls on vacation in Europe. As their
train makes a night-time crossing from Switzerland into Italy, a guard
comes to their compartment and finds two joints that one of the girls
has in her backpack. He calls another guard to the compartment and they
search the girls' luggage, then the girls themselves. Guess what - the
guards start groping the girls during the body frisk, then strip them
and have sex with them, and of course the girls both enjoy every minute
of it.
The story is written from the point of view of Paige, one of the two
girls involved. The only problem with using this single POV comes when
the sex begins and Paige has to do double duty, narrating her own
experience and also watching her friend Julie and describing what is
happening to her. Paragraph by paragraph the narrative begins to flip
back and forth between Paige-as-Paige and Paige- watching-Julie. At
times it was difficult to determine what was being done to whom. (It
didn't help that the guards had no names or even labels -- just "the
guard that was fucking Paige" and "the guard that was fucking Julie" --
even calling them "the tall guard" and "the short guard" would have been
some improvement.)
There is precious little plot or character development, other than Paige
being afraid of the guards and then deciding that she is enjoying "the
strongest sexual experience of her young life." On the other hand, there
isn't room for much development in this story -- it is all action,
crammed into a fairly short span of time. The level of development is
appropriate to the story.
Here is where the "appeal to reviewer" rating may be helpful to someone
trying to decide whether or not to read this story. Despite the problems
in describing who does what to whom, the story does get pretty hot as
Paige gets bent over her bunk and boinked from behind, all the while
watching "the other guard" slide his big fat cock first into Julie's
pussy and then between her large breasts. Bottom- line, if I happen to
run across this story in a repost or something a month from now, I'd
probably consider it worth my time to read it again. If you find any of
the story description in this review even mildly exciting, you'll
probably like the story as well.
Ratings for "Border Crossing":
Athena (technical merit): 8
Venus (plot and character): 9
Bear (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Angela and Debbie Play Ten Questions" by the Warthog
(mailto:warthog@boxtwo.com)
DejaNews link: http://x10.dejanews.com/getdoc.xp?AN=313835419
ASSM Archive link: http://www.qz.to/erotica/assm/Year98/7055.txt
Review by The Bear (mailto:thebear@io.com)
I don't know if Celeste knew that I was a Warthog fan before she sent me
this story, but I feel that I should mention it so that you can take it
into account in reading this review. BTW, this story and others by the
Warthog are available at his website at
http://www.voicenet.com/~cgstorys/warthog/warthog.html .
This is a good, solid, sexy story, but I'm afraid it is not quite up to
the standards of the Warthog's previous work. I noticed more technical
mistakes than I have in the past, although part of that may be that I
was reading this one for a review and thus paying more attention to
details. None of the Warthog's short stories go into great amounts of
plot and character development, and this one was no exception, but I
thought the development was appropriate for the story that was told.
Unfortunately, where this one fell down was in the area that the Warthog
usually excels, which is in exciting, sexy narrative of consensual
gangbang scenes.
This story tells of a 'contest' conducted every month by the members of
a college football team. Two members of the team scout the local pickup
bars for likely babes, and the ones that can answer all ten questions in
the affirmative share $1000 and the privilege of servicing the whole
team at a gangbang party. On this particular evening Angela and Debbie
pass the test and go back to the athletic dorm to meet the team. There
is a hot sequence of Debbie making it with the narrator in the car on
the way to the dorm, and then going 'around the world' with another guy
when she gets to the dorm. Then the whole gangbang with the rest of the
team is reduced to a simple summary of events in four paragraphs, and
the story is over.
The sex that is here is hot and well-told, but Angela and the football
team might as well not have been included. This would have been an
exciting story of one girl with two guys, but it simply doesn't live up
to the promise of its beginning. I still liked it, and I'd recommend it
for just about any reader -- hey, I gave it a 9:9:9 rating -- it just
didn't meet my expectations.
Ratings for "Angela and Debbie Play Ten Questions":
Athena (technical merit): 9
Venus: (plot and character): 9
Bear: (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Until Dawn" By Kelly Merriwether (kelly5323@mailexcite.com). Guest
review by Sandman (sandman@bitsmart.com).
This review is broken up into two parts. One part is for you, the
constant reader. The other part is for the author (who requested some
detail) or anyone who really wants to know what works and what does not
in an erotica story, at least in my humble opinion. To those who wish
to grumble about the blind leading the blind or the blind leading the
sighted, I'm sure the author would be more than thrilled if you read the
story and sent her your own criticisms (or lack thereof).
General Review: This story is about a man who receives a very, very nice
birthday present in the form of Kelly who promises to be his slave
"Until Dawn." Kelly may have any relationship the reader wants (wife,
girlfriend, other) since it is never mentioned. What follows is a very
detailed and graphic encounter including several varied positions and
toys. The sex here is entirely consensual though since Kelly is new to
the submissive role she stumbles (charmingly so in my opinion) on a few
occasions.
In short, a brief introduction followed by page after page of sex. This
should make most people very happy. Those who like to step into the
dominance/submission game and come running out giggling like fools will
probably idolize this story. It also works as an introductory to the
genre as well. There really aren't many "serious" D/S cherry busting
stories out there and this one makes a fairly good stab at introducing
the appeals.
Detailed Review: There are several things that worked in this story.
First, Kelly was left relationship free, even age and physique free so
the reader is free to fill in the blanks (My Kelly remarkably resembled
Darma from "Darma and Greg" your results may vary) . Another very good
point was the premise, giving one's self as a present has been done
before of course but this fell within the tastefully handled category.
The most important good point however was Kelly who, unused to being a
submissive, stumbles a bit in her role. I personally very much enjoyed
the fumbling.
There are a few technical problems with this story. The first problem,
is a lack of transitions. Transitions are words that smooth the reading
from sentence to sentence. Without Transitions you tend to get a story
that reads like a government approved manual (He did this, he did that,
he went up, he went down, she rolled her eyes in dismay). With
transitions the reading is more varied and I've been taught that is a
good thing (He did this, then he did that, blissfully he went down,
however he did not enjoy going up as much, especially when she rolled
her eyes in dismay).
Second, this story is written in what is called third person omniscient.
That is the narrator (invisible) tries to explore the feelings of both
the man and the woman: He felt incredibly good as he plunged his
swollen cock down her throat. But Kelly was in a panic as she found
herself unable to breath. There is rarely such a balanced approach as
the story (or the reader) seeks a natural focus. This story tends to
focus on the man while at times confuses the reader by changing the
focus to the woman and then back to the man again.
It actually would have made more sense to follow the woman more closely
than the man. While it's true the man was the beneficiary of an unusual
gift, it was the woman who was by far the more interesting as she
struggled in an unusual role for her, it was also the woman who CHANGED.
In my opinion this story would have been even better if the author had
chosen to write in first person from the woman's point of view: I
stepped up to him and said, "I'm yours until dawn."
These are, however, nit-picks and placed in this review for the authors
benefit. In actuality I did enjoy this story though it was a bit
outside of my preferred "sex between equals" domain. It's my belief
that this author does show great promise, and I do recommend you read
this story if only to anticipate that which is to cum - er come.
Ratings for "Until Dawn"
Athena (technical quality): 8-- Needs transitions otherwise very
nice.
Venus (plot & character): 9 -- Good idea, point off for the forced
male perspective.
Sandman (appeal to reviewer): 8 - An enjoyable story.
* "Snarl" by Uther Pendragon (nobody@REPLAY.COM). This is an
interesting snippet that describes the playful sexual exchanges
between a husband and wife while he helps her get the snarls out
of her beautiful, long hair. I have given this author so many
perfect ratings recently that I feel compelled to find excuses for
giving ratings of less than 10. There's nothing wrong with this
story; it's just short a short chunk of the life of two people in
love rather than a complete story. But it's still very good.
Ratings for "Snarl"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
* "Woman2Woman" by Candy Kane (GQKZ45C@prodigy.com). Guest review by
M1KE Hunt.
"Woman2Woman" is a fun read, zippy and straightforward, with few
distractions to pull you away from the story of the seduction of one
woman by another. Christine and Laura are sales reps at a computer
show, and meet each other while standing on the floor for 10 hours
fending off propositions from men. At one point in the shared cab ride
back to the hotel, Christine, the narrator, asks ""Is getting laid the
only reason these guys come here?" This is one of the few distractions,
because the answer, obviously, is "yes." I've been to computer shows.
The girls retreat to their hotel rooms, wherein Laura offers to give
Christine a massage to relieve her stress. You'll be shocked to find out
that they both end up nude, make gentle love with one another, and spend
the next several days sneaking kisses in the employee lounge, squatting
at the display to show each other their pussies, and generally having a
lovely time.
The plot is not complicated, and it's been done before, but then haven't
they all? "Woman2Woman" suffers only from a half-dozen obvious editing
errors, such as "positioning her bare legs on each side of my." My what?
And there are words that the spell check thought were OK, but a quick
proofreading would have caught, such as "spend" for "spent." OK, it's
niggling, but if I didn't catch at least a couple of grammatical errors,
I wouldn't be doing my job as a reviewer, right?
I give "Woman2Woman" a "9.27A" rating on the open ended "Verschlumpt"
scale, a logarithmic evaluation schedule I've designed based on plot,
sexuality, spelling, taste, today's Dow Jones results and other logical
factors such as whether it's Tuesday or not.
{end of review}
GRAMMAR TIP OF THE WEEK: QUOTATIONS. Several people have asked me to
give some advice on the use of quotations, including quotation marks and
punctuation. This is a first draft, and I would appreciate any help on
getting it into better shape.
DIRECT QUOTATIONS: In general, when you quote someone exactly, put the
quoted words in quotation marks. {An exact quotation is often referred
to as a "direct quotation."}
He swaggered up to the lady at the bar and said,
"What's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?"
She leaned over so that he could see her naked breasts
with the nipples pressing out against the bright yellow
material and whispered, "Wanna fuck?"
Ordinarily, you should use a comma to separate introductory or
concluding words from the direct quotation. This is true whether the
words that describe the statement come before the direct quotation (as
in the preceding examples) or after the direct quotation. When the
quotation comes before the explanatory statement, the comma replaces a
period.
When she realized that he could hold back his orgasm no
longer, she said to him, "Come on my tits."
"Come on my tits," she said to him, when she realized that
he could hold back his orgasm no longer.
If the statement precedes the explanatory statement and ends in an
exclamation point or question mark, keep that punctuation mark INSTEAD
OF the comma.
"Wanna fuck?" she asked.
She purred, "Wanna fuck?"
As she gently fondled his testicles she continued to lick and
suck his penis, causing him to shout, "Eeeeeeeiiiiiiiiii!"
"Eeeeeeeiiiiiiiiii!" he shouted, as she gently fondled his
testicles, while she continued to lick and suck his penis.
"How badly do you need the money?" the horny hunk
asked.
If you want a more formal introduction of the quoted words, use a colon
instead of a comma. This more formal introduction will almost always be
a full sentence.
She spoke thus: "Wanna fuck?"
As she gently fondled his testicles she continued to lick and
suck his penis, causing him to shout one word:
"Eeeeeeeiiiiiiiiii!"
Also, if a quotation is extremely long, use a colon instead of a comma.
"Long" means different things to different people, and authors vary in
their application of this rule. In general, if the quoted statement is
a single sentence, use a comma to introduce it. If it is more than a
single sentence, use a colon - unless the sentences are extremely short.
She said: "You look like a guy who needs a woman to
understand him. By the looks of that bulge in your pants,
you are happy to see me. My mother told me a hard man
is good to find. I haven't had a good or hard man in a long
time. Wanna fuck?"
She said, "Wanna fuck? I sure hope so!"
If the quotation is extremely long - that is, if it goes on for more
than one paragraph, put quotation marks at the beginning of each
paragraph. However, put an end quotation mark only at the end of the
final paragraph of the quoted statement. The absence of quotation marks
at the end of the other paragraphs signifies to the reader that the
conversation continues in the next paragraph.
If you have a quotation within a quotation, rotate between single and
double quotation marks. {Use an apostrophe for the single quotation
mark.} In the United States, the double marks go with the outermost
quotation; in Europe the single marks go with the outermost quotation.
Peggy Sue said, "I love it when a man comes up to me and
straight out says to me, 'Wanna fuck?' I don't like men who
beat around my bush."
An INDIRECT QUOTATION usually does not quote the exact words, but rather
paraphrases what the speaker said. An indirect quotation is usually
introduced by "that" and does not employ quotation marks.
Note that with indirect quotations, the verb tense and some other
elements of the original statement change to give the right impression
of the timing of the quoted material with regard to the explanatory
material.
Sometimes the word "that" is omitted from an indirect quotation.
Direct quotation: He said, "I want to make love to you."
Indirect quotation: He said that he wanted to make love
to me.
Indirect quotation: He said he wanted to make love to me.
Direct quotation: Jethro said to Maribeth, "I'd like to bury
my beef bayonet in your haystack tonight."
Indirect quotation: Jethro said to Maribeth that he'd like to
bury his beef bayonet in her haystack that night.
Indirect QUESTIONS often begin with "if" or "whether." In addition,
they may begin with any word that ordinarily asks a question. Indirect
questions do NOT end with a question mark.
Direct question. "Wanna fuck?" she asked.
Indirect question: She asked me if I wanted to fuck.
Indirect question: She asked me whether I wanted to fuck.
Indirect question: She asked me how often I wanted to
fuck.
Indirect question: She asked me how desperately I
wanted to fuck.
Indirect question: He swaggered up to the lady at the bar
and asked what a nice girl like her was doing in a
place like this.
Although quotation marks are generally not used with indirect
quotations, sometimes it IS proper to use them in order to emphasize
that the portion within the quotation marks represent the exact words of
the original speaker.
He swaggered up to the lady at the bar and asked what
what "a nice girl like her was doing in a place like this."
She asked me "how desperately" I wanted to fuck.
Note that in the first of the preceding examples the writer changed the
speaker's words slightly - "is" became "was." This is normally
considered to be acceptable. If you are uncertain whether you have the
right to alter the speakers words, use a direct quotation.
OTHER WAYS TO HANDLE QUOTATIONS: In addition to using quotation marks
and indirect quotations, it is possible to quote people in other ways.
When you are formally quoting a long passage (say, a whole paragraph
from a book or a major portion of a speech), it may be desirable to set
the material off in the text by indenting it. If you do this, introduce
it with a colon. Then indent all the quoted material. A format like
the following is often desirable:
While she waited, Peggi read the church bulletin that she
always carried with her. The pastor had a sense of humor:
It seems that two brothers died and went before St.
Peter. The first was a politician who had voted for
legislation that enriched himself at the expense of
the poor and downtrodden. St. Peter sentenced him
to a very hot part of hell, where his job would be to
clean up excrement deposited by animals.
As the man was leaving, he saw his brother, who had
been an unscrupulous lawyer, but who now had a
voluptuous blonde in a low-cut dress on his arm.
The man was startled, because he knew that his
brother had made his living largely by suing churches
and poor people.
The outraged man turned to St. Peter and said, "Hey!
That's not fair!"
St. Peter replied, "Who are you to question that
woman's punishment?"
In the preceding example, the whole quotation from the church bulletin
(beginning with "It seems that... ") is indented, so that readers know
where the quoted material begins and ends. Quotation marks are not
necessary: the indentation serves the same purpose. Within that lengthy
quotation, other direct quotations follow the normal rules.
In some cases, - for example, when you are quoting a lengthy dialogue -
it is also possible to omit the quotation marks altogether by using a
play/script format, as in the following example from my story "Virtuous
Reality":
Madonna: Well, let's see, the names of the people that I have had
sex with recently... Who's the name of the guy I slept with last night,
What's the name of the guy I did in the park this afternoon...
Oprah: That's what I want to find out. So tell me.
Madonna: I just said Who's the name of the guy I slept with last
night, What's the name of the guy I did in the park this afternoon....
Oprah: You've had sex with these guys?
Madonna: Yes.
Oprah: And was it good?
Madonna: It's always good.
Oprah: And you talked to them before, during, or after sex?
Madonna: Yes.
Oprah: And you still don't know their names?
Madonna: Well, I certainly do.
Finally, some authors of fiction quote people directly without using
quotation marks. They seem to make a distinction between quoted speech
(which receives quotation marks) and quoted thoughts (which do not).
WHAT ELSE GOES INSIDE QUOTATION MARKS?
Titles of short writings or works of art are usually put in quotation
marks.
While he fucked her in the ass, she heard him humming
"Both Sides Now" by Judy Collins.
Most of what she knew about sex she had learned by
"Friends" on TV.
The titles of longer writings and more sophisticated works of art are
usually italicized (or underlined, if italics are not available). Since
underling and italics are impossible in text files transmitted through
e-mail, it has become common practice to use quotation marks for ALL
titles. However, some writers prefer to replace underlining with
techniques such as the following:
The seduction was like a chapter out of _Lady Chatterly_.
The seduction was like a chapter out of *Lady Chatterly*.
The seduction was like a chapter out of LADY CHATTERLY.
Sometimes it is proper to put in quotation marks a word or phrase that
you want to define.
By "oral sex" I mean either a blowjob or cunnilingus. She,
on the other hand, uses the term to refer to talking about
sex but not doing it.
Sometimes it is proper to put a word or phrase in quotation marks to
show that you are using it in an unusual or special sense or to draw
attention to the word.
He uses language so cleverly that sometimes I think he's
a "cunning linguist." {The writer is making a pun about
cunnilingus.}
He expressed his "love" for her by beating her severely and
humiliating her in front of her friends." {The writer is
suggesting that the word "love" is being used ironically -
that is, the man calls this love, but the writer doubts that
this term is accurate.}
Avoid the overuse of quotation marks for this purpose.
WHERE TO PUT PUNCTUATION.
Put inside the quotation marks any punctuation that is actually a part
of the quotation.
"Did you learn about sex by watching 'TV sitcoms?" he
asked, as she began to choke on his cum.
Put commas and periods inside the final quotation mark, even if they are
not part of the quotation.
While she sucked his cock, he gazed in rapture at the
picture of "Dogs Playing Poker."
"I learned to do this from an episode of 'Beavis and
Butthead,'" she said, as she swirled her tongue gently
around the tip of his cock.
When they are not part of the quotation, put other quotation marks
(colons, semicolons, dashes, question marks, etc.) outside the final
quotation mark.
She had perfected her sexual technique through many
hours of watching "Days of Our Lives"; but her partner's
training was limited to "Beavis and Butthead."
She said, "I want you to come inside me"; but he had
already shot his wad all over her tits.
Such decisions as whether to use direct or indirect quotations, whether
to put the explanatory comments at the beginning, at the end, or in the
middle, and whether to use quotation marks are a matter of preference
and style. These decisions DO make a difference in the exact nuances
conveyed by the quotations, but these distinctions cannot be discussed
here.
Quotations should be skillfully blended into the text, so that the words
of the speakers sound natural. Here's an excerpt from "Virtuous
Reality" that contains quoted dialogue. See if you can understand the
logic behind how I handled each direct or indirect quotation.
As she thought about these problems, Sue sighed deeply and uttered
a barely audible murmur: "I'll never write an erotic story again. Dear
God, I wish I had never written an erotic story at all."
Suddenly, Sue was aware that there was someone else in the room
with her. She spun around in her chair and was alarmed to see standing
just inside the locked door a beautiful dark haired woman. She was
dressed in diaphanous clothing that Sue associated with statues she had
seen while cavorting in the Aegean Islands. The woman exuded a sensuous
sexuality that made the room come alive. "Who are you?" asked Sue.
"And what are you doing here?"
"I'm Celeste. We've corresponded through alt.sex.stories. And
I'm here to help you."
"You're Celeste?" gasped Sue. "The goddess of alt.sex.stories?"
"Well," replied the beautiful apparition. "I've been called that;
but I'm more like an angel."
"You're as beautiful as I imagined you'd be," said Sue, as she
continued to wonder what in the world was happening.
"And you're almost as beautiful as you say you are in your
stories," replied Celeste. After a pause, Celeste continued: "To be
honest, I'm not actually a full angel yet. I've met most of the
requirements, but I still have to do one more good deed. I've been sent
here as sort of your guardian angel. That bit about wishing you had
never written an erotic story began with 'Dear God.' That constitutes a
prayer. The Boss was upset by your comment, and she sent me here to
help you get over your malaise or angst or whatever you want to call
it."
"Your boss?" replied Sue. When Celeste responded by merely
folding her arms and raising her eyes toward the heavens, Sue began to
get the message. "I've always heard your Boss referred to as 'he' or
'him,'" she said.
"Actually, my Boss is neither a he nor a she," answered Celeste.
"I just prefer the feminine pronoun, because so many men are assholes.
Men write stories on a.s.s. that degrade women and describe harm to
little boys and girls. But this isn't a theological essay. It's a sex
story. Can I get on with what I came here for?"