Celestial Reviews 224 - October 11, 1997
Note: There has been some discussion in a.s.s.d. about my alleged
unfriendliness toward Mike Hunt. Specifically, I have been accused of
saying that "Young, Dumb, and Full of Cum" was a bad story and that Mike
is one dimensional.
Alas, I have been exposed. By Kim, no less. She hit it right on the
head - which is not an altogether unpleasant experience.
I was trying to write my review of "Young, Dumb.... " in the style of
Mike Hunt. That's not ALL I was trying to do, of course; I was also
attempting to write a sensible review.
To pursue an analogy - I happen to know that Mike Hunt actually LIKES
Piper. He just has a sneaking suspicion that Piper is really his wife
June, writing reviews under a phony name; and by calling Piper a
"weasel" he's trying to force this into the open, since Weasel happens
to be June's nickname for Mike's thingy. Hence Mike's obviously
irrational tirade about Piper on a.s.s.d.
So when I lambaste Mike Hunt, you have to look at what I am really
trying to say - albeit ineffectively, it seems.
Second note: Now that I started it, this may never end. Here are some
follow-ups that readers have send me in the wake of my discussion of
cum/come:
Can a pretty woman who causes a male to ejaculate be called cummely?
Would you call an interracial orgasm intercum?
Did a man who hoped to climax with a particularly desirable female, but
went about it the wrong way and was shot down by her, get his
cumuppance?
Should a woman who hopes to orgasm with a particularly desirable man
give him the cum hither look?
If you use aol.cum long enough, does it become aol.org?
If you put the batteries in backwards, would the Energizer Bunny keep
coming and coming and coming?
Cum on! Give me your best cumshots! I'll post them here.
Third note: How does an author's name get deleted from a story?
Sometimes somebody else yanks it off. But sometimes it's the fault of
the author. Here's one way it can happen to you. If you post a story
as an attached file, when I download it I save the file in one place and
your message in another (if at all). When I load the story to read it,
I have no author's name - and sometimes not even a title! Solution? Be
sure to put your name and the title of the story in the first lines of
the STORY ITSELF.
Third note: An elderly couple had been dating for some time and decided
it was finally time to marry. Before the wedding they embarked on a
long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They
discussed finances, living arrangements, and so forth.
Finally the old man decided it was time to broach the subject of their
connubial relationship: "How do you feel about sex?" he asked, rather
hopefully.
"Oh, I like to have it infrequently," she responded.
The old guy thought for a moment, then asked, "Was that one word or
two?"
Fourth note: I usually put my fan mail in a manila folder where my
husband can find it and read it to me if he can't think of anything more
creative to do during foreplay. However, this one seemed to be worth
sharing with you:
<<Love the reviews. However, as one who was (albeit for a scant month in
early 1973) 'Letters Editor' of Fiesta I must put Wherryman right. The
weird thing was that while everything else in the magazine was
completely fake - I know, I wrote enough photocaptions (including many
for a girl called Pat, then the owner's girlfriend, who re-emerged as
Patricia Kluge, wife of John, and I gather is now mind-bogglingly rich)
, 'features' and God knows what else - the letters *were* real. They
came in day after day, week after week and the last thing we needed to
do was fake them. I used to carry one around to parties and challenge
people to finish reading it: fifteen sheets of foolscap, single-space
typed, both sides of the paper. It began 'I want to tell you a story
about my landlady, her fourteen-year-old daughter and their Alsatian
dog' (German shepherd in US). No-one ever managed, including me. And in
those relatively pre-tech days Fiesta also had a tape system - guys
could call in and some poor secretary would have to sit there every
morning, transcribing this stuff, which usually concluded with the
caller running out of cash - they always seemed to be in phonebooths -
slightly prior to orgasm. Or so the fading screams of frustration seemed
to indicate. The best person in the office was a sweet old lady who
regularly cursed out Bob Guccione and his new advances in what you could
get away with: prior to this she had had a happy life airbrushing
nipples and pubic hair. Now the sexual revo. had left her jobless
Fortunately the boss, one Russell Gay, kept her on as the tealady.
I digress. The letters were real.>>
I guess I should assure you that the preceding letter itself was no a
fake.
Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews
for me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
"JAVA" by Mandible (cybersex) 10, 10, 10
"Fluids" and "Cold" by Lynx (two romantic snippets)
10, 9, 9
"Back Door" by Vicki Tern (anal & TG sex) 10, 10, 10
"Come, Harvest" by RLSparTan (oral sex & blackmail) 10, 7, 7
"The Virgin Mary Maguire" by Deidre Ng (slutty teenager)
10, 10, 10
"The Sad, Bad Man" by BronwenSM (romance) 10, 10, 10
Guest Reviews:
"Weekend" by losgud (fuckfest) 10, 10, 10
"Mint Green Dodge Dart" by Mouth Breather (bdsm)
9.5, 7, -
"Shy Young Wife" by Mick (extramarital despoliation)
8, 7, 9.5
"The Rest of My Life" by Jim Fix (romance)
"The Bad Seed" by Unknown Author (rape) 2, 0, 0
"Jennifer's Initiation" by NiteWriter (gangbang) 5, 6, 4
"Blue Sky" by DG (hot romance) 10, 9.5, 9
"Xena & Herc: Hera's Curse" by Jaded Nights (superhero rape)
6, 4, 2
Reposted Reviews:
* "A Conversation with Eve" by Joe Parsons (phone sex)
10, 7, 7
* "Incubus" by DG (sci fi sex) 8, 8, 8
* "Therapy" by DG (rape) 10, 10, 5
* "A Scandal in Beverly Hills" by DG (sexy detective story)
10, 10, 9
* "The Classified Ad" by Ann Douglas (hot ff sex) 9, 10, 10
* "The Babysitter" by Ann Douglas (adolescent boy &
older woman) 9.5, 10, 10
* "Sandy" by Ann Douglas (romance & bdsm) 9.5, 10, 10
* "Home Again" by Ann Douglas (romance) 10, 10, 10
"JAVA" by Mandible (" mandible"@deaths.door). Would YOU read a story
that began like this?
"Her face glowed with humor and love as a smile played across the
corners of her lips. Her left eyebrow popped up and down like a sleepy
cat's tail and she tossed light brown hair out of her face with quick
little shakes. Her eyes were big and brown and shone with excited good
humor as she laughed and gave a little shrug which shook her impudent
breasts. She was so average you'd never notice her, until you saw the
smile. It was million-dollar stuff, a light that glowed from inside the
girl herself, turning her generic face into a Real Person. That intent
gaze, that would catch any man and freeze him for a moment if it was
turned on him ...."
I would LOVE to be able to use that paragraph with my students as an
example of how to catch a reader's attention; but somebody would ask
where I got it - or, more likely, one of my students would KNOW where I
got it, because he had just read this story the night before while he
was looking for CUM-SEEKING VIRGINS WITH BIG TITS.
Anyway, she's not looking at anybody - just at a computer screen. She's
in a chat room, and the narrator, who is seated at a nearby computer,
gets the sudden inspiration to find out which room and to seduce her.
He carries out his plan, and she's just as hot as he thought she was!
READ THIS STORY!!!
As you know, I have posted my reasons why I do not engage in Cybersex.
A recantation may be in order.
Ratings for "JAVA"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Fluids" and "Cold" by Lynx (mephisto@smtp.ihug.co.nz). This author has
posted two brief passages, and he would like our feedback about them.
It was clear to me that "Cold" was the better piece, largely because the
author wrote from a framework that let me into the story. Some authors
can get by with the second-person (you) narrative; but in most cases it
rules out people who do not easily identify with the participant in the
story. The second-person perspective makes me feel like the story is
written for somebody else.
I'm sure there are other differences as well.
I hasten to add that BOTH stories are well written. The stories remind
me of Dulcinea: the main thing "wrong" with the stories is that they are
not really stories - just snippets of life that could become part of a
more complete story. The author has an excellent sense of detail, of
timing, and of word selection - even if "plaintatively" really has one
less syllable. The author has offered enough of a sample of his writing
that I hope many of you will enjoy it and will send him the detailed
constructive feedback he would like.
Ratings for "Fluids" and "Cold"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Back Door" by Vicki Tern (VickiTern@aol.com). When this author sent me
this pre-publication copy of her story, she sent a cover letter, in
which she also commented briefly on my discussion in CR 223 of the
come/cum usage. She said, in part: "{This} means that your
discrimination is original, and close enough to usage to be a genuine
contribution to lexicography. Your codification is better than
original, brilliant in fact." I mention this humbly in passing. I
assure you that this sort of blatant ass-kissing can never turn my head,
and it is mere coincidence that I happened to choose her story to review
tonight rather than one of the other 157 stories in my queue. Likewise,
her comments did not influence my ratings of her story in the least. I
can't be bought - at least not that inexpensively!
How do Vicki Tern's characters get into these situations? Alvin has had
a little too much to drink. He went upstairs to lie down, passed out,
and then awakened to a pleasant sensation, which he eventually
discovered was Dan, his well endowed host, fucking him in the ass.
Alvin's wife is upset, but Dan's wife takes it all in stride and offers
comfort. And by the next evening Alvin is pretty well along the way to
becoming Allie, one of the three women who will share their asses with
Dan and their affections with one another.
It sounds silly when I describe it, but the author makes it sound so
plausible!
A basic assumption on a.s.s is that almost all women can enjoy getting
it on with another woman. I am an almost obnoxiously happy heterosexual
who has never had sex with another woman and probably never will, but I
believe the assumption stated in the previous sentence is accurate. If
all you're interested in is pleasure, what difference could it possibly
make what gender is attached to the lips, fingers, tongue, or other
accouterment that is bringing you to orgasm? I think the same logic
applies to men: almost all men can enjoy getting it on with another man.
If all you're interested in is pleasure, what difference could it
possibly make what gender is attached to the lips, fingers, tongue, or
other accouterment that is bringing you to orgasm? Don't you
heterosexual men like it when a woman is rimming your asshole and
plunges her finger into your anus right when you're about to come?
Don't you sometimes wish that she would plunge it all the way in, just
as you're coming, so that your spasms would not only shoot cum out of
your penis but would also eject that tubelike projectile from your anus?
What if the woman did this to you while you were blindfolded? And what
if when the blindfold was removed you discovered that she was actually a
man? Would the enjoyment you already experienced become any less?
This is not to say that everybody "is" or "should be" bisexual. It's
just that almost all of us could probably enjoy homosexual as well as
heterosexual activity if we had a mind to give it a fling. The fact
that there are probably plenty of good reasons NOT to do so in real life
doesn't mean that we shouldn't enjoy the fantasies.
Obviously, the difference lies in conditioning; and conditioning makes a
real difference. The fact that heterosexual men are so strongly
conditioned to object to homosexual contact apparently presents to men a
more serious impediment to their enjoyment of homosexual activity than
there is for women. And so men usually don't like stories with m/m
contact.
I think this one may be an exception.
Ratings for "Back Door"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Come, Harvest" by RLSparTan (RLSparTan). The narrator is a woman with
a cum fetish. She likes male ejaculate so much that collects it not
only in her cunt but also in vials that she keeps on a shelf to
stimulate old memories and current love juices.
The story is really three separate segments. In the first Our Heroine
gets revenge on a snotty bitch in the office by draining the cum from
the bitch's boyfriend, so that the other damsel's cupboard is bare. The
other set of two sequences shows her gathering blackmail information
from her bosses and future business partners to prevent mistreatment by
their wives. But notice that the first word of the title is spelled
"come," and it is followed by a comma. There is a surprise harvest at
the end of the story.
One problem with the story is that the surprise ending is not set up
properly - it just happens for no really good reason. In addition,
although the narrator is female, the story is written very much from a
male perspective - for example, when she describes her physical she
sounds like a college kid describing one of the chicks in his class.
Ratings for "Come, Harvest"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
"The Virgin Mary Maguire" by Deidre Ng (DeidreNg@aol.com). As you may
recall, I try to be an egalitarian person. That means I don't like to
perpetuate stereotypes, especially about people who are oppressed by
society. This is why I occasionally object to stories that picture
black men with "monster cocks" or white women who can think of nothing
better than to get one of those black monster cocks inside them. As I
began this story, I faced a problem of religious prejudice. I don't
mind if people poke fun at the Amish or the Jehovah's Witnesses, but I
draw the line at Catholics and Jews - Orthodox Jews, at least. In fact,
I have in my files an email message from Mother Angelica in which she
praises me for upholding the reputation of nuns in this newsgroup.
So what we have here is a basic moral dilemma. This is a cute little
story about a perverted little slut who is apparently possessed by a
sexual demon that makes her seduce just about everybody she cums in
contact with. I enjoyed the story, but goodness knows - the pope and
his friends have enough problems nowadays without having to worry about
their Church being slammed on a.s.s. by an Oriental American with a
devilish sense of humor. What with the pedophile priests - Aha!
There's the answer. This is actually a DEFENSE of the Catholic
priesthood - the priest may have his nose buried in the Virgin Mary
Maguire's virginal but distinctly unchaste panties, but at least he's
engaging in a good, healthy, heterosexual perversion! Gag me with the
Virgin Mary Maguire's cum-stained panties that have just been sliding
into her asscrack if this story doesn't deserve an award from the
Catholic Defense League!
Ratings for "The Virgin Mary Maguire"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"The Sad, Bad Man" by BronwenSM (bronwen@anon.nymserver.com).
Accustomed to the friendly variety of sex in a typical small town in the
British Isles, Our Narrator has moved to London, where the risks are
greater and hence the pickins are slimmer. Masturbation is no long-term
solution, she says; it's like living on bar snacks. So she commutes
back home for sex on weekends - until she meets Liam, which,
incidentally, was John Wayne's name in "The Quiet Man," in which he
returned from the United States to Ireland and beat the snot out of
whoever played Maureen O'Hara's brother before they boinked happily ever
after.
Ah, theirs was a lust "as beautiful as a horse galloping up a hill on a
bright morning, as the big breaker that throws you onto the beach.
Beyond horny. Almost as pure as love." And then they fucked like
magpies in heat - Bronwen says like a runaway train, but I know a better
simile when I hear one. Thereafter, weekend followed weekend. Nearly
every weekend they ran into each other. Never, not once, did they
arrange to meet. But they met just the same.
He drank too much, he owned nothing, he had a child he never saw. His
life was without form, their talk was shallow. But sex with him was like
a country western song in a pickup truck at a bus station - or like a
fire burning, to use the author's more prosaic words.
So how do we get from there to the last three lines: "Oh, love, you were
a sad, bad man but I for one will never forget you. And you taught me
one vital lesson. Always wear your heart on your sleeve. That way, at
least it's legible." I guess you'll just have to read the story to find
out.
This is the best Bronwen story I have seen so far. And that's saying a
lot.
Ratings for "The Sad, Bad Man"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Weekend" by losgud (lushgod@hotnomail.com). Guest review by Kim.
This story can, more or less, be described as a plain an' simple fuck-
fest. The two combatants are Robert and Tracy, his sister-in-law.
Supporting characters are Robert's wife Sue, and his mother-in-law,
Maud, though neither plays what might be considered a significant role.
Written in the first person, from Robert's point of view, it tells of a
normal monthly family visit to his mother-in-law's. On arrival, Robert
finds the luscious Tracy also visiting.
Almost immediately the two wannabe lovers are groping and kissing,
hiding behind plants and the like. Which is kind of strange, because
Robert spends the first few paragraphs telling us proudly of his love,
desire for, and loyalty to his wife Sue, and his complete faithfulness
since their marriage of fifteen years. Quite why he should suddenly
flip-out over his sister-in-law is never made exactly clear, other than
she is one hot babe, of course.
After some carefully staged ruses to get the two of them together,
outside the house, they go at it like sex-starved rabbits. In the car,
in the mall parking lot, in a pet superstore, and all points in between.
They stagger back home and somehow manage to keep their hands off each
other in the presence of the rest of the family. Later poor Brian is
persuaded to drive Tracy home to her own flat and armed with a
legitimate excuse gets to stay awhile.
The sex that follows is titanic in it's intensity and sustained
creativity. After reading it I too felt well and truly fucked. It was an
exhausting experience, I can tell you.
I've mixed feeling about the story. On the one hand it makes no attempt
to explain just why these two should go crazy for each other, and just
why Robert would jeopardize an idyllic marriage to an equally sexy lady.
On the other hand the writing is excellent, the sex is awesome, and I
think screw the implausibility - just lets have some more honest to
goodness sex. It blew me away. Fine job losgud, fine job.
Ratings for "Weekend"
Athena (technical quality): 10 (Excellent)
Venus (plot & character): 10 (Why did they do it?)
Kim (appeal to reviewer): 10 (Who cares!)
"Mint Green Dodge Dart" by Mouth Breather. Guest review by Anne747.
The narrator of the story has a 16" cock. Okay, one thing - from what I
understand, men with massive cocks have problems getting hard. Just the
idea of a 16" cock turns me off. I think it would be the same with
monster breasts. Besides, sexually I'm more interested in how the
person's tongue and fingers work.
Okay, onto the story. After posing for a porn mag our hero gets an
offer of a job. He goes to the address and meets two attractive yet
formidable, large women (sorry, I missed the Jane Mansfield reference
completely, I'm not a movie buff) who basically offer him $10,000 to go
into a room with them. He can leave before that point, but not after.
I dislike this kind of control scene. Any kind of scene that doesn't
allow an escape is dangerous and has the potential for abuse.
This is actually the beginning of a two-part story and ends with the
hint of bondage scenes to come. I can't decide if I'm interested in
reading the next part or not. I suppose it depends on what turns the
story takes. A note for the author though - I own a 16-inch double-
ended dildo (meant for two women to share). It is physically impossible
for this to penetrate me completely - keep this in mind for your sex
scene.
I have a tough time for the ratings on an incomplete story. The set-up
didn't get me all that interested in the next part. Inescapable bondage
isn't my thing. I honestly don't think that $10,000 would have me going
into a room with no explanation of what was going to happen to me. In
fact the large sum of money would likely make me nervous - if it was
going to be so pleasant, why so much money?
The plot/character mark is probably low. I just can't suspend my
disbelief. To give the author credit, he doesn't just say `hi, I have a
16" cock'. He works at making it realistic. I just don't think the
scenario works. I think most people would hesitate longer than a moment
before agreeing to do `anything' for ten grand. Especially with two
obviously physically stronger participants. Also, someone tell me - who
is Jane Mansfield?
Ratings for "Mint Green Dodge Dart"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 7
Anne747 (appeal to reviewer): undecided since story incomplete
"Shy Young Wife" by Mick (benedicta@anon.nymserver.com). Guest review
by Jordan Shelbourne (jordan@u36.com).
You know the story of the hook, right? (This is relevant, I promise.)
This guy and this girl go parking and while they're making out they hear
that this killer has escaped from a lunatic asylum. They call him the
hook, see, because instead of a hand he's got this razor-sharp hook...
You can fill in the rest (if you can't, mail me at jordan@u36.com).
There's no characterization in that story, it's pure narrative. The
story of the hook has only purpose: to scare the crap out of little kids
around the campfire.
You'd think stories on ASS have a similar sense of purpose: to turn you
on. Some do; some don't. Some seduce you with plot and
characterization and symbolism and stylistic bumpf. Some steamroller
forward and hope you like what they've got. This is one of the latter
kind.
It turned me on. That surprised me; I'm not a big fan of cheating wife
stories. But this story pressed my buttons, despite all the rough
edges.
And there are rough edges. The Shy Wife gets off to a slow start -- I
think part 1 could be cut by a third without losing anything
significant. The author uses the Victorian convention of giving us
initials and underscores ("D______") instead of names (except for the
woman, who is just P), and I was left asking, "Why?" He tells us a lot
about P, but doesn't dramatize it; the sentence structures are
occasionally baroque, and I think the paragraphs are generally too long;
and at one point the narrator is "stairing" at the chandelier. The pity
is there's nothing that can't be fixed.
I still think it's a hot story, even if I don't think it's a great
story. There's a really strong narrative here, and I want to see more
from him. After all, his stuff works for me.
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9.5
"The Rest of My Life" by Jim Fix (jimfix@home.net). Guest review by
BronwenSM.
A man and his sister-in-law have just returned from his wife's funeral.
We are inside his head as he relives his marriage and his relationship
with his sister-in-law (both great).
".. huge sobs began to shake my whole body. Sissy takes me in her arms
and holds me like an infant against her breast. I am a little boy again
safe in the soft embrace of a strong woman. "Let it out, let it out.", I
hear her say softly over and over. I lose all sense of time and it seems
like ages pass as my grief pours out."
But there is a silver lining - a previously unacknowledged depth of
feeling between the two survivors. They are going to become lovers, they
may marry - who can tell at this stage. The story ends with his
realization that his dying wife was aware of this attraction and gave it
her blessing.
I've known two families this happened in (though with a friend, not a
sibling), one my parents' age and one my own. In both cases the dying
partner had months in which to come to terms with their situation and
began to hope that, once-widowed, their spouse would remarry, and not
mourn forever (though the day of the funeral seems a little brisk,
perhaps)...
It seems the more you truly love someone the greater your desire for
them to live well, even after you've been forced to leave the
fairground. This is a romantic, convincing story, not over-played. It
left me moist - but round the eyes rather than elsewhere.... I loved it,
but didn't find it remotely sexy.
"The Bad Seed" by Unknown Author (Reposted by From: who@why.not). Guest
review by Friar Dave.
Let's cut to the chase.
"The Bad Seed" would have much to recommend it but for a couple of
flaws. The main flaw being that it is not about sex -- and the last time
I looked, the Newsgroup was labeled "alt.sex.stories" -- but about the
violent, brutal and intimate assault known as "rape."
For instance:
[BEGIN EXCERPT]
He pulled me down on top of him, and before I knew it, we were on the
floor, with him on top of me, groping at me, pulling my sundress up.
"Billy - what are you doing!", I shouted. "Stop it!" In response, he
slapped me across the face, hard. It stunned me long enough for him to
rip off my panties.= "I'm gonna fuck you Laura" he said, his voice
thick and urgent. I stared up in his face with shock - he looked like a
stranger. His face was flushed, his eyes glassy, and despite the chilly
air in the room, his face was beaded with sweat. "No - no! I'm your
sister - you can't do this!", I cried. He just laughed, and fell on top
of me, kissing my face, licking and sucking at my neck. My futile
struggles just inflamed his lust more. "I've got to fuck you Laura", he
gasped, as he pulled down his shorts. His manhood sprang out at me,
huge, swollen, and hard as a rock. "I've wanted to fuck you for years -
and I know you want it too!" With that, he fell on top of me, and pried
my legs open. I screamed, and tried to push him away, but it was no use
- he was much too strong for me. Before I knew it he was between my
legs, and with one thrust, tore deep inside of me.
I screamed with pain, and he moaned with pleasure as he realized he had
taken my virginity.
[END EXCERPT]
A review is, by nature, subjective. And I will be unabashedly subjective
in mine.
This story sucked dead rats.
There was no sex in this -- only violence and cruelty. While the writing
was no worse than a lot of the (ever-decreasing) non-spam crap inflicted
upon the readers of alt.sex.stories, it did suffer from the twin curses
of predictability and cliches. All of us who grew up in Calvinist
America knew what was going to happen before it happened. The only
surprise in this story was that Laura, the victim, did not have dozens
of "mind-shattering orgasms" (or "shuttering" orgasms) once she realized
that what she "really" wanted was to be painfully devirginized and
unwillingly impregnated with the spawn of her brother. The only glimpses
of anyone experiencing pleasure are in the descriptions of the Happy
Rapist's reactions to the victim's pain.
And, as with all too many people, the author didn't have a clue about
where commas (commae?) belong and resorted to regurgitating the Usual
Suspects -- I mean: "phrases," as in, "hard as a rock."
At least he knew the difference between "to" and "too."
There are people who get turned on by violent damage to others. The
thought or idea of such activities gives them hard-ons (or "wet-ons," as
an acquaintance put it). I don't. Ruining -- at least in the victim's
eyes -- the life of someone may give the abuser a power surge, but it
only makes me very, very angry.
"The Bad Seed" -- not even an original title -- belonged in alt.pain, or
alt.humiliate.and.hurt; it did not belong in alt.sex.stories any more
than most spams. In that respect, the only justification for its
presence in a.s.s. was that it pretended to be a story. It was a story;
I'll concede that much. But the only "sex" in it was in the "sex"ual
nature of the vicious assault.
I would not have let this story be posted in The Abbey; the poster is
free to go elsewhere -- there are plenty of uncensored, unedited venues
where it would be "published," electronically, without question, so I am
not censoring the poster -- but as "The Bad Seed" only mentions sex in
the contexts of "violence" and "hurt," the poster is welcome to find
those other venues.
TECHNICAL RATING: 2/10 (formatting and spelling acceptable)
STEAM: O/10
APPEAL TO THIS REVIEWER: 0
On the FD scale, this story is...well, think about the worms that
inhabit the oozing postules on the sphincter of a sick dog. Think about
what makes those worms upchuck. For me, this story is worse.
"Jennifer's Initiation" by NiteWriter (Reposted by Story Master
<velvet@znet.com>). Guest review by Jake Stonebender.
<sigh>
I always seem to get the rough stuff.
No "Elly"'s... no "Siblings"'... no, *I* get stories to review about
6'5" college studs being tapped by total strangers to initiate coed
frosh by stuffing fists up their butt. (My last review inexplicably got
lost, but, had you read it, you'd have figured out by now that anal sex
is not my first love. :-)
In any event, "Jennifer's Initiation" is a hard-core stroke story. Don't
look for much characterization, or anything approaching a plot --
"please, won't you come fuck our prissy freshman friend in front of all
of us" is _not_ a plot -- but, if you can tolerate the typos, and poor
grammatical handling of dialogue... and you don't object to a little
discomfort (Jennifer's; whether _you'll_ be uncomfortable is entirely up
to you), then you may find that this short story will get you off.
This is another of those authors who ought to be participating in
Celeste's proofreading program... but at least he speaks the language,
unlike the authors of _some_ of the stuff I've seen in a.s.s.
Gee... what an appropriate abbreviation.
Athena (technical quality): 5 (new lines in the dialogue, guy)
Venus (plot & characterization): 6 (well, at least we didn't get
the bra size)
Jake (appeal to reviewer): 4 (nope, no spontaneous hard on's)
"Blue Sky" by DG (dionysian1@hotmail.com). Guest review by Plainman
(reviewer formerly known as Stubby).
This is a Gen-Xer Knight in Shining Armor Rescues Damsel in Distress
Romance. Both Xers are among that tragic detritus on the beach of the
global economy, recent liberal arts grads (in this case, of Florida
State - tomahawk chant background music). He (english major) has drifted
into managing a small marina on the Florida coast, when she (history
major) comes sailing into his life as the Bimbo to a Sugar Daddy on a
fancy sailing yacht cruising down from Newport. She lures him into a
compromising position belowdecks where they are interrupted by SugDad,
in what is an obvious setup. Our hero escapes, and gains a few hours
alone with our heroine by threatening Daddy with the cops, at which time
he learns the dark secret of Daddy's hold over her, which I shouldn't
tell you here. They do some hot fucking, work out a scheme to rescue
Rapunzel from her dungeon, do some more hot fucking, put the scheme into
effect, and then something happens that you wouldn't predict.
This is a very good story of the mildly hard-boiled Romance type. It is
artfully written, the atmospherics are excellent, the Hero comes
somewhat to life as a three-dimensional character, and the ending is an
interesting concept though some may find it a bit contrived. The Heroine
and Villain remain two-dimensional, the story is a little predictable
before the ending, and the sex is also a little too predictable and
impersonal to be maximally hot for me. But it is way above the run of
the mine, and The Reviewer Formerly Known as Stubby says: check it out.
Ratings for "Blue Sky"
Form: 10
Literary Value: 9.5
Heat (purely subjective): 9
"Xena & Herc: Hera's Curse" by Jaded Nights (posted by tc1@bit-
net.com). Guest review by Piper.
(Well, three down, and after this one, three to go.)
And here I thought "Xena and Gabriella" was weak (my last review). This
one is worse. Basically, someone who doesn't speak English very well,
and writes less well, wrote a story about Hercules raping Xena. Since a
normal Hercules would do no such thing, the author makes it so Herc gets
"cursed" by Hera (his step-mother, queen of the gods) into being a
raging sex predator. The only object that can satisfy his lust is Xena.
The author did try, I'll give him (or her) that. There is a story in
here somewhere, and the basics of a decent plot. He explores some of
the feelings of both Xena and Hercules. He even gets some of the
conversation so that it sounds about right. However, this story ended
up as not much more than a litany of the forcible rape of one person by
another. (Of course, the author states as much in the opening
comments.) The part that resembles "plot" has more holes in it than a
colander. This definitely isn't the worst story I've ever read (I wrote
that one myself), but it is shading towards that end of the spectrum.
The following paragraph(s?) exemplify the entire story.
Suddenly the sky turned a omnious black, thunder and lightning
shook the ground, and two green eyes could be seen rising above it
all. "Hera."
Hercules said none to pleased with having to deal with the Queen of
the Gods.
"Hercules, you have defied me one too many time. You might be
Zeus's
bastard, but nothing will protect you from my curse!" Hera yelled.
"Just
what is this curse?" Hercules said sarcastically. "You'll find
out." she
said laughing psychotically. Hercules then was hit with a huge ball
of
radiating energy, it was full of feelings, but he could only feel
two
things...rage and lust, it was all saved for Xena alone. He tried
to fight
it, but it wasn't working...the evil had taken control and the ball
had
completly infused itself with him.
Don't get me wrong. It's not the subject matter that bothers me. There
are interesting rape stories out there. Some are well-written,
imaginative, engrossing, and/or sickening. This one doesn't rate in any
of those categories. Lifeless is the word that best describes my
feeling about the story after I finished reading it. To steal one of
Xena's phrases, I read these stories to "get my juices flowing", and to
fire up my imagination. This one didn't do either.
Gawd, the things we reviewers have to put up with ;-).
Advice to the author: If you're trying to write an interesting story,
you need to work on an angle. In a rape, it's the mental processes that
are most important. You need to bring out the feelings of the two
people more than you have. For someone (me) to get into your story,
they have to know what it's like in behind one pair of eyes or the
other. A litany of what the two characters did to each other, with Xena
repeating the same thing in different words several times, doesn't do
much. Bring out what you've introduced in a cursory manner. Make the
protagonists real.
Pick out a story that gets you fired up, read it, then go back and
analyze why you liked/hated it, and what parts got your juices flowing.
When you understand what makes that story good, then you'll be better
able to write a story that evokes strong feelings in someone else.
Ratings for "Xena & Herc: Hera's Curse"
Technical merit 6
Plot & character 4
Appeal to reviewer 2
* "A Conversation with Eve" by Joe Parsons (jmp@cyber-mall.com). The
author combines a brief essay on "The Straight Scoop about Phone Sex"
with a transcription of a short telephone conversation with a lady named
Eve. Both were fairly well done. I think the factual portion gives a
legitimate treatment of the topic - even though the author is pretty
much advertising his own service, which he describes as one of the "more
legitimate" on-line phone-sex services.
I am a devout believer and fervent participate in sex with Ma Bell as a
partner, but neither my husband nor I have ever called a phone-sex
number. We do it with each other when we're separated, and out
conversations are a lot hotter than the one described in this story.
Even if I didn't have access to my husband, I'm not sure I would ever
call these services - $40.00 to reach orgasm sounds a bit high when I
can easily get there for the price of a download of a good a.s.s. story.
And the TV shows and movies have convinced me that there's a lot of
deception going on: the sexy chick who says she's fantasizing about
giving you head may actually be an ugly bimbo who's clipping her
toenails while watching a fertilizer infomercial. But as the author
says, "I'd spent about $40.00 on the call, but I'd have to say that for
me, at least, it was a worthwhile experience. I'd had a pleasant
conversation with a bright woman whom I could imagine to be tall and
gorgeous. It was easy for me to imagine that she got off on our
conversation as much as I did; she actually had me believing that I was
bringing her to an orgasm with our shared fantasy."
Tastes vary. Whatever roasts your weenie!
Ratings for "A Conversation with Eve"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
* "Incubus" (X-Files) by DG (dionysian1@hotmail.com) Guest review by
Tooshoes.
The X-Files TV show poses many questions we may never know the answer
to. Are close encounters real? Is the Government covering up the
evidence? Does God exist? How about ESP?
But the most important question to many X-Files fans is: Can Platonic
relationships really exist between a woman and a man?
The TV show posed the question by having two attractive lead characters
spend all of their time alone with each other, to the point where they
have no other life. They tease each other. They comfort each other. But
they never say what they feel. They never take off their FBI masks. And
of course, they never take off their FBI uniforms.
Chris Carter (the shows creator) may never answer these important
questions, but Internet writers are more gracious and informative. Fans
have written hundreds of erotic X-Files stories, all debunking the
Platonic relationship theory.
"Incubus" is one such story, and it's a pretty good one. The author is
faithful to the characters, and to the style of the TV show. Even the
villain follows the X-File's tradition -- he's more of a misfit than
someone seeking to do evil. (Only the government is truly evil.) He
feeds on the sexual energies of others, much like a vampire feeds on
blood, and he uses mind control to spark the sexual activities he
craves. And of course, Fox and Dana are not immune to his influence.
The problem with this scenario is that Fox and Dana are strongly
attracted to each other, so mind control isn't really necessary. I would
have preferred to see their relationship grow based on their own
decisions. I think that's also what most X-Files fans want to see.
But aside from that, I think most fans will enjoy "Incubus". It's a well
written, well conceived story, with many colorful supporting characters,
doing all sorts of things that Plato might not approve of.
Ratings for "Incubus"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 8
Tooshoes (appeal to reviewer): 8
* Therapy" by DG (dionysian1@hotmail.com) He's got it all.
A muscular body, a blue-blooded resume, a fully-loaded Jeep and an eye--
well, *three* eyes to be precise--for the babes. He's a BMOC (Big Man
On Campus) who strutted straight out of the coolest fraternity at a
prestigious east coast school right into the hottest brokerage firm in
the second city.
And _man_, do the _girls_ ever know it. As long as they're not too
possessive and willing to put out, he'll find exactly the right way to
tack another notch on the ol' shooter.
So sports fans, don't be surprised if you see this player pump that
white blur clear outta the ballpark! This dude's already got one heck
of a lifetime scoring record and they're not even close to thinking
about retiring his . . . um . . . jersey.
She's shy.
It's not that she doesn't know anything about sexuality and male-female
relations--in a very unfortunate way she knows too much. She's in
recovery right now, looking for the right sort of situation so she can
learn to be herself again while coming to terms with her wrenching
memories of being forced.
Perhaps what she needs is a sensitive nurturing type who's seen his own
share of trouble. Someone who can fill the role of lover, analyst, and
healer all at once to help mend the cracks in her sexual/emotional
psyche.
Guess who she runs into instead.
Will our gunslinger run up his score or will he get drafted for her
team? Can the hair of another dog help a bitten patient? On the couch
of a.s.s., the treatment may well depend on who's playing doctor and
who's on first.
You'll have to read `Therapy' by DG to find out more, but I can
guarantee you that it doesn't really have anything to do with sports,
nor does anyone end up bending over a medical textbook. However some
bending over is involved, along with an object shaped like a baseball
bat.
This author writes extremely well. The protagonists appear compelling
enough to touch and the reader is immersed in just the right number and
variety of details required to make the scenes and the characters'
reactions appear both realistic and believable. Other than the possible
addition of some internal divisions in this lengthy story, I'm basically
at a loss when it comes to suggesting improvements to a virtually
flawless implementation of an elegant plot.
But there were two erroneous plays in this otherwise seductively realist
approach to the game of erotica. Can a rape victim achieve arousal by
recollecting her experience--albeit in a very unusual circumstance? If
you don't think the answer to that one is a no-brainer, let me disabuse
you: no connection whatsoever exists in the minds of a victim between
sex and rape, any more than there is something exciting to a man about
the idea of having his erect penis sliced up like a salami.
Most importantly the plot presumes that there are unique situations in
life in which forced sex can be viewed in a positive light. Nothing
could be farther from the truth. Sexual abuse is the proverbial ill
wind that blows no one any good.
Until the final scene I enjoyed the author's satirical sense of humor
and the professional quality of the writing immensely.
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5
* "A Scandal in Beverly Hills" by DG (dionysian1@hotmail.com). Guest
review by BillyG.
This is a moderately long, well-written detective story that's rich in
well-contrived, seedy characters and enough unexpected twists and multi-
layered surprises to keep your attention. A down-at-the-heels, largely
unemployed detective, Franklin Stern, is hired by surgically-enhanced
and sexually-kinky woman, Ms Amanda Link, for what appears to be a
straight forward surveillance job to collect information about - get
this - a plastic surgeon who, she maintains, may be using shoddy breast
augmentation implants. The sleazy surgeon, Dr. Martin Westphal,
presents his own set of character defects, not the least of which is a
considerable inaptitude as an operating physician. He is, in short, a
bumbler, but one with aspirations and a certain talent for scheming.
The first layer of this spoof is entertained only briefly. Quickly
we're led into deeper levels of a convoluted but entertaining plot of
blackmail and infidelity. Dionysian's unfolding of the secondary and
tertiary levels of duplicity is what makes this story so entertaining.
A secondary character, the Mexican maid, Maria, is a delightful, thick-
accented scene stealer. As unprincipled as the best, or the worst of
them, her Mexican accent works well, except the few times she `loses'
it, more a typo/overlook than a contrived machination. Maria is
unabashedly sexy with a taste for same-sex kinkiness as well as a new-
found predilection for anal fucking.
Stern eventually sees thought *almost* all the layers of subterfuge and
in the process, enjoys Amanda's quirky desire to be sexually humiliated
as a fun but not very erotic side dish.
The story moves well as a detective story, a detective story with lots
of kinky and sexy subplots. But, if your like a gradual seduction or a
slow buildup, this tale bypasses those nuances and instead mater-of-
factly jumps into totally consensual, get-it-on-right-now sexual
activity, none of it vanilla.
The "9" for "appeal" reflects the reviewer's preference for greater
eroticism in a sex story. Were I grading it as a detective story, it'd
be a 10.
Ratings for "A Scandal in Beverly Hills"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
BillyG (appeal to reviewer): 9
* "The Classified Ad" by Ann Douglas (an309642@anon.penet.fi).
Because she is frustrated by her husband's lack of interest in her
life, a woman posts a classified ad on a BBS. In it she expresses
a need to meet with another woman to explore her own sexuality. A
female doctor responds, and the two of them hit it off very well
together. By the end of the story the woman's self concept and
lifestyle have taken a radical shift. While this is an excellent
short story in its own right, it could also be considered an essay
entitled "Lesbians Are Normal People."
My only problem with this otherwise excellent story is that I had
impression is that the author rushed it to press. Near the end
there are several passages where the punctuation disintegrates
badly - for example, quotation marks and apostrophes disappear
almost completely; and the author selects wrong words (e.g., sign
for sigh). At first I thought the author was omitting the
punctuation to achieve a purpose; but then the story reverted to
good punctuation again. I'm convinced that the author simply
wrote these parts last and did not proofread them carefully.
However, in spite of this annoyance, I truly enjoyed this story.
Ratings for "The Classified Ad"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
BillyG (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "The Babysitter" by Ann Douglas (annd55@nyc.pipeline.com). The
activities in this story may technically constitute statutory
rape, but I have it on good authority that almost all teenage
American males fantasize making it with an older, sexy woman. In
this case Scott is a 17-year-old who baby-sits for two pre-
teenagers. One day after the kids go to bed he watches an amateur
adult video, in which he sees the lady of the house making love to
her husband. He barely gets the tape put away on time when they
come home unexpectedly; but as luck would have it, he gets a ride
home from the woman's sister, who happens to be her very hot twin
and who has just returned to town after being away for several
years. They drive past the old Lover's Point; they stop to look
around; her juices start flowing; and Scott gets the thrill of his
young life. The story even has a mildly surprising ending.
Ratings for "The Babysitter"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Sandy" by Ann Douglas (annd55@nyc.pipeline.com). Last week I
said that readers "enjoy Ann's stories because her characters act
the way we think we would act (or would like to act) in similar
situations." Actually, I have to refine that statement to make it
applicable to the present story. I have never followed a hooker
home or made love to one in a train station, nor would I like to.
On the other hand, I CAN understand how a woman could act that
way; and so I'll still give Ann credit for writing realistic
stories about normal people.
The plot begins with Sandy becoming attached to the hooker
(Jasmine), as described in the preceding paragraph. Things
escalate when Sandy's clod of a boyfriend rudely breaks up with
her and she needs companionship. You can probably guess where
this is going - or at least you think you can. Read the story and
find out.
One of the reasons I like Ann's stories is because they are
generally free of racial and ethnic stereotyping. For example, in
the present story Jasmine is Hispanic, and there is no suggestion
that she is in any way inferior to Sandy - in spite of the fact
that Jasmine is the prostitute and Sandy (who I presume is white
anglo-American) is the executive. So it was with some surprise
that I read that Jamal (Jasmine's black boyfriend - not the
stereotypical pimp) had "the largest cock Sandy had ever seen." I
guess I should keep in mind that statements like this are meant to
be complimentary to the owner of the cock; but the notion of Black
men having "monster cocks" is simply a myth. People who promote
this stereotype may (inadvertently) be advancing a notion that
treats a large group of people as being in some way more
"animalistic" than "normal" people.
I have never directly examined the penis sizes of a large sample
of Black men; but my brother-in-law has. That's because he is a
black man. After one of my previous reviews in which I ranted on
this topic, I managed to get him into a conversation. He's super-
religious and would never understand how I could read these
stories or write these reviews, and so I told him about the
stereotype that I had "heard on Geraldo." He got genuinely upset
and started quoting valid medical research to me that stated that
there is no significant difference in organ size between average
members of the white and black races. I am pretty sure he's
right. When he calmed down, he said he has verified the published
facts by direct but discreet observation in locker rooms and in
showers at the gym. It's his opinion that "insecure" white people
try to set up the stereotype of the Black male as a stud in order
to scare white women or to dehumanize Blacks in general. I see his
point.
In Ann's defense, if she wanted to have somebody have a monster
cock, I guess that could be a Black man as well as a White man.
So I won't put her on my Bad List. Nor will I tell my brother-in-
law about her.
Having been a tad negative, let me become more positive. I think
Ann does an excellent job of presenting bdsm activities in this
story in a way that makes them seem enjoyable to outsiders. I
don't have the same fantasy that Sandy has - maybe my husband or I
WILL get that fantasy someday - but the domination activities
seemed both hot and interesting to me. I came away with the
impression that this was a normal person enjoying something that
was a little different from what I myself enjoy. I do NOT get
that impression from all bdsm stories.
Finally, this story contains an example of a minor mistake about
which I think author's should be more careful. The entire story
is told from Sandy's point of view. Then suddenly we find these
sentences: "Jasmine felt her orgasm about to burst. She could tell
that is wasn't going to be a record breaker, but then again she
hadn't expected it to be." There's no way Sandy could have known
what Jasmine's feelings were, and it would have been better to
stick with Sandy's point of view. The author gets back to the
proper perspective almost immediately: "Sandy soon could feel
Jasmine's body shudder as her legs pressed tighter against her
face. While she wasn't a gusher as Sandy sometimes was, there was
enough of an eruption for Sandy to feel proud of her achievement."
It IS OK to take the viewpoint of the omniscient author - to write
as if the author knows the feelings and actions of absolutely
everybody in the story. However, in this case Ann clearly
intended to write from Sandy's point of view, and it would have
been easily possible to do so; all she had to do was describe what
Sandy saw or felt Jasmine doing, instead of shifting to the inside
of Jasmine's head. The same problem occurs a few other times in
this story.
Ratings for "Sandy"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Home Again" by Ann Douglas (annd55@nyc.pipeline.com). A.C. has
come home to visit his childhood haunts, and he meets Mary Austin,
the 45-year-old mother with a still great body who is the mother
of Josh, one of A.C. closest childhood friends. We eventually
discover that she was also the target of some of A.C.'s adolescent
masturbation fantasies.
This author takes her time developing a plot. The first 2 parts
(of 7) are not exactly devoid of sex; we do learn that A.C. used
to date Jenny Wilson with whom he traded cherries on prom night
and whose sister was nicknamed Kleenex Karen because of her
proclivity to fill the partial vacuum in her bra with that
product, and also that Josh's sister Dawn Marie had fucked the
whole football team before moving out of the family domicile right
after her 18th birthday. The author also lays a basis for future
sexual possibilities by letting us know that Mr. Austin is
deceased and that during his adolescence A.C. had once seen Mrs.
Austin naked and by arranging for A.C. to stay overnight while he
waits for Josh to come home in the morning. But in general A.C.
and Mary just have dinner and engage in interesting conversation.
So the author spends nearly 4 out of 7 parts with nothing more
than innuendo and build-up; but when the sex comes it's both
tender and hot. I love this kind of story. Read it yourself for
the details.
I secretly wish that Ann Douglas would get somebody to proofread
her stories. She develops wonderful plots that give full
personalities to people having hot sex, and then she makes
annoying mistakes that keep me from giving her perfect ratings;
and then I often have to decide whether to let a imperfect story
onto my Top 15 list for the month. I mean, surely Ann knows the
difference between a dinner and a diner and between celibate and
celebrate. The problem is that Ann knows what the words are
supposed to be, and so she probably skips right past them; and
this is just the sort of mistake that a spellcheck doesn't pick
up. The solution is to have one intelligent person go through the
story before it gets posted. Let this be a lesson to you.
Finally, a word of advice. It's nice to shower together before
anal intercourse, but the shower removes the natural lubricants
from both bodies; and so the penis is likely to be even drier than
usual. The problem of dry skin is compounded by the fact that a
person's anal canal does not produce natural lubrications for
sexual intercourse, as the vagina would. Using Vaseline to solve
this problem is not a great idea, because that product tends to
seal off the body's natural lubricants, when they do begin to
flow. My own experience is that saliva is a better idea than
Vaseline at both the front and back door. By far the best
solution is a lubricant specifically designed for this purpose,
such as K-Y jelly. I guess this gives away part of the plot,
doesn't it?
Ratings for "Home Again"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10