Celestial Reviews 195 - July 2, 1997
Note: I was the recipient of an application of the Blowjob
Principle this week. One of my main goals is to make the Blowjob
Principle as popular as, say, Murphy's Law. That is, someday I
hope that someone will go into the office of the CEO of a major
company or nation and say, "You goddam idiot! Don't you even
understand that the Blowjob Principle applies here? If a person
expects to get a second blow job, the recipient should make the
giver glad to have performed the first." And the CEO will say,
"You're right. You did a good job on that project, and I
neglected to show my appreciation." Then he'll give the other
person a blowjob; but since the Blowjob Principle is actually a
metaphor, the CEO will simply give the other person a raise or
public praise or something like that.
Anyway, this week I received a note from an astute reader, who
said, " I just wanted to let you know how much I enjoyed 'Virtuous
Realty.' Not only was it funny, it got very sexy as it went on."
This suggests a revision of - actually, a corollary to - the
Blowjob Principle. Applied to short stories, this means that you
should get the title right! My story was a pun on "Virtual
Reality", not "Realty." The story to which this reader referred
might be about a real estate agent who refuses to exploit the
elderly or who sells houses only to nuns.
I don't mean to appear ungrateful. I'm trying to be funny.
Really. I actually did receive a message with this error, but I
wasn't offended. I laughed my ass off for a few seconds, and then
I started developing a plot for a story about a real estate agent
who has a very chaste relationship with a woman with huge tits and
a tight ass to whom he is showing the house while he has a raging
hard-on. Or maybe I'll make the title ironic and have a dungeon
in the basement.... Maybe it could be about a Jehovah's Witness
who tries to sell a house to a group of nuns and falls in love
with them and gangbangs them during a religious discussion. Maybe
my next Celestial Contest should require authors to write a story
called "Virtuous Realty." Nah, I guess not. But I don't have
time to write the story. If any of you want {Yep, "want" is
correct, suggesting that two or more may accept the invitation -
See Grammar Tip in last issue.} the plot, you can have it.
Second Note: In another application of the Blowjob Principle, a
reader wrote: "If I had had you (note double entendre) as an
English teacher when I was a horny adolescent I would have a much
better grasp of grammar and writing now. Even now as a dirty old
man you have assisted me in making sense of grammar rules that I
never really understood." How can I get this across? I guess
I'll have to grab him by the balls and threaten to squeeze if he
doesn't stop dangling his participle. Unless he seriously means
to say that I am a dirty old man, my amorous correspondent has to
rearrange the sentence: "Even now you have assisted me as a dirty
old man in making sense...."
Third Note: Short, short story: Little Audrey was the only
passenger on a plane that was about to crash. The pilot said to
the co-pilot, "There are only two parachutes. Grab the other one
and let's get out of here."
"What about little Audrey?" asked the co-pilot.
"Fuck little Audrey!" said the pilot; and little Audrey laughed
and laughed, because she knew they didn't have time.
Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my
reviews for me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
"Sally Learns a Lesson" by Kathy (sitcom parody) 6, 6, 6
"Waterfall" by dreamp0et (incoherent fantasy) 3, 3, 3
"$$$CREWED" by J. Uris Prudence (lawyer screws client)
9, 8, 7
"How to Kiss Like a Cuban" by Dominick A. Miserandino
(humorous love advice) 9, 8, 8
"The Unabridged Catalogue Of Kisses" by Renae Nicks (sexy
kissing advice) 10, 10, 10
"The High Dive" by Jordan Shelbourne (mild bondage)
10, 9, 9.5
"Special Delivery" by Ann Douglas (fantasy evening)
10, 10, 10
"When the Angel Smiles" by Hawk Richards (nostalgic sex)
10, 10, 10
"Persuasion" by William Drummond (mythology) 9, 7, 7
Guest Reviews:
"Forever November" by Stephanie Kay Buffman
(mood story)
"X-Men: Something Sinister This Way Comes" by Dimitri
(sci fi adventure) 5, 8, 6
"Honey Haven" by Andrew Roller (teenager turns tramp)
Reposted Reviews (because the stories have recently been reposted):
* "La Salope" by Joe Parsons (prostitution and mile-high
sex) 10, 9.5, 10
* "When Morning Comes" by Joe Parsons (dream lover)
10, 9.5, 9.5
* "Elizabeth & Anastasia" by Tom Bombadil (ff romance)
10, 10, 10
* "Dune what Comes Naturally" by Jeanette Brennan (sex
on the beach) 10, 10, 10
"Sally Learns a Lesson" by Kathy (Repost from Kristen's
Collection). The only thing this story has going for it is that
it is a parody of the weekly sitcom "Third Rock from the Sun." If
I couldn't imagine Dr. Solomon and Sally engaging in these
activities, I would have thought this was a really inane story
that the author had not even proofread. If you like the TV show,
you'll possibly enjoy this story, in spite of its obvious defects.
Ratings for "Sally Learns a Lesson"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 6
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 6
"Waterfall" by dreamp0et (dreamp0et@aol.com). This mishmash of
run-on sentences is apparently a romantic fantasy that might mean
something beautiful to the person who wrote it, but I wonder if
he/she seriously believes that a person who is not already in on
that fantasy can figure it out from this quasi-literate
presentation. If this author seriously intends to keep on
writing, he/she should take the task a little more seriously.
Ratings for "Waterfall"
Athena (technical quality): 3
Venus (plot & character): 3
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 3
"$$$CREWED" by J. Uris Prudence (Repost from Karen's Collection).
The lawyer is helping a slutty woman collect her non-support
payments from her ex. She can't pay, and so he collects "in
kind." Since the woman is also stupid, he uses creative financing
to really stick it to her. Lawyers have been accused of worse
things.
Ratings for "$$$CREWED"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
"How to Kiss Like a Cuban" by Dominick A. Miserandino
(cafe@abest.com). Like this author's previous "Sometimes a
Carnation is just a Carnation" (CR 193), this story has a
distinctly non-pornographic flavor. This is an essay on how a guy
can get a girl to give him a good night kiss. While they haven't
addressed this question quite so directly, other stories on this
newsgroup have offered what could be considered answers to this
question: use mind control; or fuck her up the ass first, and then
give her a kiss during the afterglow. This author recommends the
more esoteric strategy of talking like a Cuban - you know, Ricky
Ricardo with a really bad accent.
To be perfectly honest, I have actually had more people worry
about getting a first kiss from me than worry about how they'd con
me into anal sex - at least more people that I KNOW about.
Nevertheless, we tend to expect slightly hotter action in stories
on this newsgroup. This author has several other romantic gems,
including his Valentine's Day special " Miss Love, Do I Miss
Love?" None of them will register high on the Peter Meter, but
they are often genuine fun. If you wish, Dominick will even add
you to the mailing list for his essays if you write to him at
cafe@abest.com.
Ratings for "How to Kiss Like a Cuban"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
"The Unabridged Catalogue Of Kisses" by Renae Nicks (A+ Non-
Story). This was posted quite a while ago; and so you may have to
go to DejaNews for this one, unless someone reposts it.
Some people cannot even remember all the people they have had sex
with; Renae Nicks can actually remember everyone she has ever
KISSED. Of course, she means KISS in the sense of a romantic
encounter, not the type of peck one routinely administers to
children or to people in a reception line. It seems she actually
kept notes during her teenage years; and in this essay she brings
us up to date on the style, technique, and effects of the
osculators whom she has encountered.
Although this is not really a story, it IS a very sexy essay.
It's the kind of thing Dominick (see previous review) should write
if he wants to appeal to this group instead of the Nickelodeon
crowd.
Ratings for "Unabridged Catalogue Of Kisses"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"The High Dive" by Jordan Shelbourne (jordan@u36.com). The woman
is participating in her first bondage experience with a person she
loves and trusts, and so she compares her feelings to the first
time she took a dive from the high board at the swimming pool.
She knew that everything would be all right; she just had to let
herself go, and....
This "story" is extremely well written - as far as it goes. The
author seems to think he has a whole story in fewer than 300
words. I guess maybe he does, but I was left waiting for more.
Ratings for "The High Dive"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9.5
"Special Delivery" by Ann Douglas (annd@pop.tiac.net). Practical
problems arise as society becomes more egalitarian. As the
American armed forces have become sexually more integrated, the
logistics people have to worry about where the women will take
showers on aircraft carriers. Likewise, baseball players have to
shower differently when female reporters swarm into their locker
rooms. This story presents Amy Choi, a 36-year-old Korean-
American businesswoman who has won a raffle at an "old boys"
gathering of businessmen. The surprise is a gift certificate from
the Special Delivery Escort Service.
And so Amy is stuck with the prospect of sharing a fantasy evening
with a man she has never met - a man who wants nothing more than
to bring her pleasure. Bummer! The fantasy casts her into the
role of the seducer of Tyree, the young, black "delivery boy" who
brings Amy her special delivery package. The sex is realistic,
friendly, and hot. I'm so jaded or sophisticated or something that
I guessed the surprise ending halfway through the story; but I
still enjoyed watching it unfold. If you're a little more naive,
you may be surprised and enjoy this story even more than I did.
Ratings for "Special Delivery"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"When the Angel Smiles" by Hawk Richards (heminway@epix.net). When this
author originally posted this story, I gave it ratings of 7-6-8 and said
that it contained numerous distracting errors that could easily be
eliminated. The author has done a masterful job of revising this story.
Not only are the errors gone, but the plot has been substantially
revised to clean up the logic and emotions.
Charlie is a decrepit old man who seems to be on his way home to die.
He meets a young woman who gives him a hand-job on the plane, and then
she stays overnight at his hotel and makes tender love to him. The
second half of the story consists mostly of flashbacks to Charlie's
earlier love life as he prepares to meet his maker.
The angel in the title refers to young girls who have appeared to be
angelic at various times like these in Charlie's life.
This is a difficult story to rate - but only because I can't give
anything higher than straight 10's. It deserves very high ratings,
because it is among the best stories I have read recently. On the other
hand, there is still slight room for improvement. The remaining problem
is that too much is left to the reader's imagination at the end of the
story. I don't think the author wants to write a morality tale, and so
he wants the ending to be deliberately vague. I respect a certain level
of ambiguity; but on the other hand, as I read the last lines, I found
myself saying, "What the hell happened here?" When I looked back, I
still wasn't sure. Maybe I'm wrong. I've been known to say the same
things about James Joyce. If you read the story (and I think you'll
enjoy doing so), maybe you should drop the author a line and tell him
what YOU think.
Ratings for "When the Angel Smiles"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Persuasion" by William Drummond (ronan@digitalexp.com). This
amplification of the myth of Thesseus describes the activities of
the hero with the princess Ariadne on the night before he would
have to challenge the minotaur. Thesseus uses his sexual charm to
persuade the princess to help him the next day. The major problem
is that the story tells us nothing about the actual events of the
fight with the minotaur or how Ariadne eventually helped. This is
a serious flaw. Tacking the fight with the minotaur on at the end
would be a bad idea - most readers of this group want sex at the
climax of the story; and so it would be necessary to tell the
story in an unusual order. This would be a difficult but a
rewarding task. The author should take a shot at it.
Ratings for "Persuasion"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
The following review was written by Mat Twassel, who frequently
posts stories with this newsgroup.
"Forever November" by Stephanie Kay Buffman. (THC repost). One
evening the narrator of "Forever November" is walking home from
the Vicar's through November fields when she spies a shadowy man
in the surrounding grove. No sooner has the woman tightened her
cloak than the ghostly but fiftyish fellow appears directly in her
path. Voices of angels or conscience warn the woman against
looking into the man's eyes, but she pays no heed, and soon she is
waltzing with this character, spinning to her heart's sweet
fragile tune; and then the dance gives way to nuzzling, a
breathtaking kiss, a prick of pain, and then some sleep and
stickiness. When the woman wakes, the man is gone, wouldn't you
know it, and the woman begins her endless journey.
Stephanie Kay Buffman's small mood piece has traces of charm, but
it's short on flesh and fullness and characters we can sink our
teeth into. There are a few passages of description which aren't
bad. One is quite fine:
I entered the scruff of foliage at the edge
of the fields and passed quickly through it to
the next stretch of pasture. As I entered the
circle of grass, I stopped to pull my cloak
tighter around my shoulders. The November wind
was a bitter one. I bowed my head for a moment
as I adjusted my clothing, and when I looked
back up, there he was. In front of me, not
more than ten feet away, the shadow man.
Overall, the writing is amateurish but not awful. Definitely the
open paragraph is superfluous--needless warm-up. And the ending,
vaguely enigmatic and probably banal, is so brief that it makes
the early evening fling in the meadow seem endless.
Craft: medium with flashes of promise
Sexiness: mild, some tension
Heat: modest at most
In sum: I suspect Stephanie could write a really good sex story,
but this isn't it.
The following review was written by Tooshoes, who frequently posts
stories with this newsgroup.
"X-Men: Something Sinister This Way Comes" by Dimitri
(dimitri@ihug.co.nz). I'm sure this has happened to everyone.
Think of a time when you walked into a room where someone was
watching a TV show that you'd never seen before, and you stopped
to watch it for a while. The TV show should be some kind of drama.
Science fiction or soap operas are the ideal choices for this
example. As you watch, you realize you have no clue what is going
on. You ask someone who watches the show regularly a question
like:
"Why is that guy angry at her?"
"Oh, he's her father -- at least he thinks he is -- but they
were once lovers, long before the first war, when he came back in
time, or went forward in time, depending on how you look at it,
and she had an affair with his son, who she thinks is . . . oh,
I'm sorry, what was your question?"
At which point you say "Never mind." Apparently the story
makes perfect sense to the long time watcher, but it sounds silly
and intimidating to anyone else.
That's pretty much how I felt while reading the X-Men story. I
was expecting that eventually I'd be drawn into this extremely
complicated universe, know it's many characters, and understand
their many different powers, but it was just too much. So many
histories, so many mutants, so many different kinds of powers!
This was not a good story for a first time X-Men reader, although
X-Men fans may enjoy it.
Extreme Plot Summary: Some time ago, the X-Men had defeated
two arch-villains: Sinister and Apocalypse (everyone in the X-Men
universe has similar dramatic names). Now, the two bad guys are
back, more powerful than ever, and they catch the X-Men completely
by surprise. The only problem is that Sinister and Apocalypse hate
each other as much as they hate the X-Men.
The characters in the story are consistent with those in the
comic book, as far as I can tell, and what I can understand of the
plot is reasonably entertaining, with my only complaint being that
events happen too fast. In that sense, it reads much like a comic
book, but without the pictures to fill in the details or to add a
dramatic flair.
Oh, yeah, there is a lot of sex in this story, but most of it
lacks originality and passion and is irrelevant to the story.
However, I did enjoy one sexual sub-plot involving Jubilee, who is
a young, mischievous mutant, whose hormones are just kicking in.
The writing quality itself is inconsistent. At times it seems
rushed, other times well thought out. Numerous grammatical errors
throughout make it stop & go reading. Sentences often seem to run
on forever.
I'd give it a Celestial-type rating of 5:8:6
Or a mild thumbs up to X-Men fans who just can't get enough of X-
Men fan fiction.
The following guest review was written by Mat Twassel, who
frequently contributes stories to this newsgroup:
"Honey Haven" by Andrew Roller (roller39@mail.idt.net). A
physically precocious (but sexually inexperienced) 14 year old
girl from Iowa takes her favorite teddy bear on a modeling
expedition to the Mediterranean.
I looked around. I nearly lost my ability to
breathe when I saw the men. At the beach, their
cocks had been encased in swimsuits. I could only
see an outline of them. Now, however, in the
bedroom, the men stood naked and free of their
clothes. From each of their loins a long,
banana-like cock stood erect, arching expectantly
up in the air. Underneath a full sack of sperm
hung. I shivered.
This is silly, superficial stuff. Andrew Roller's heroine
describes the beginnings of her journey in appropriate voice:
mostly simple sentences, tiresome detail. But we don't really get
inside her in any special way; we don't even learn the name of
that bear.
By the second day of Mediterranean modeling, our Iowa girl finds
herself handcuffed, her diction and syntax smoothed and expanded,
and her still more or less virginal body under the dubious
direction of Svetlana, the mistress of erotic photography:
I felt the steel of the handcuffs press against
my wrists. They snapped shut. First one, then
the other. Angela breathed on my neck. She bent,
licked my ear, as if to reinforce my new subservience
to her. I could do nothing but flinch. I felt my
teats quivering before me, all stiff and hard, heavy
for my age. "Stand with your legs open," Angela
told me. "You have only a small slit. Do not hide
it from the men's view by pressing your thighs
closed. Let them see it at least, though they
cannot touch you."
It turns out there is some touching:
We reached for his cock. He did not mind us
handling it. Our fingers were small upon his
big member. I could feel it throbbing in my
grasp. Would he spend? I didn't know. He kept
up the fingering of our nests. I let my head
fling back. I breathed a fevered sigh. Beside
me, Katrina did the same. More flashes, more
camera clicks.
I don't remember anymore whether the girls handled the cock while
handcuffed. For these cocks, there are also whips and catheters.
If such "implements of pleasure" appeal to you, Honey Haven might
be a lovely feast.
How embarrassed I felt! I was made up like a
doll, yet I was totally naked and, worse,
handcuffed. It didn't take a mature eye like
the maid's to see I had a wet dell and wanted a
cock up me. I shivered under her gaze. It was
imperious now, not modest at all, as if she were
secretly laughing at me. I was young and beautiful,
but I looked utterly silly now, and she knew, I
imagine, that I had a long night ahead of me. With
Svetlana, it did not promise to be a honeymoon.
Rather, I feared, it would be more like a visit
to the Marquis de Sade!
I felt a bit embarrassed, too. Personally, I'd rather read realer
stuff about 14 year old Iowa school girls; I'd rather learn about
their fears and hopes and fantasies and ordinary life and even
what it's like for them to have their hymen torn on a horseback
ride.
Craft: mostly well-written
Sexiness: a matter of taste
Heat: medium for hard-core
* "La Salope" by Joe Parsons (jmp@cyber-mall.com). {When I first
reviewed this story back in CR 82, I gave the title as "La
Scalope." This error occurred because I am familiar with neither
whores in France nor potatoes in French restaurants.}
A pilot who is also a writer flies into Santa Cruz. After he
checks into his hotel, there is a knock at his door. It's a case
of mistaken identity: the visitor is a hooker (une Salope) looking
for someone else. No problem, says the pilot, I'll purchase your
services. After he happily takes ole one-eye to the optometrist a
couple of times, she tells him that she's not really a whore; she
came to his door on a bet. {This is actually a matter of
semantics.} No problem, he says; but you'll have to be punished.
And so he spanks her and then they fuck every which way they
haven't yet - including in his plane as it speeds along to Santa
Barbara, where they will fuck some more.
Some things in this story are a bit unrealistic. Like why would a
pilot flying into Santa Cruz have two neckties in the first place?
Or why would a woman enjoy being bound by those two cravats and
other restraints while a sexy stranger teased her with his
joystick and seemed determined to drive her out of her mind before
finally plunging his tool into her? And what's the big deal about
fucking in an airplane anyway? And can a guy really come five
times in less than 24 hours and still be looking for more? And
aren't "scallop" and "salope" close enough in pronunciation to
cause serious embarrassment to Frenchmen who like mollusks?
Which reminds me.... A man goes into a restaurant and looks over
the menu. After a few minutes, the waitress comes to the table and
asks him what he'd like. He says, "I'd like a quickie". The
waitress turns red and says, "That's not funny, sir. Now, what
would you like to order?" The man replies, "I'd really like a
quickie, if you don't mind." The waitress slaps him and storms
off angrily. Another customer, overhearing the conversation, leans
over and says to the man, "Um, I think that it's pronounced
'quiche.'"
This is an interesting fantasy!
Ratings for "La Scalope"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "When Morning Comes" by Joe Parsons (jmp@cyber-mall.com). Ellen
has a kind and gentle lover who does everything he can to meet her
needs; but she longs for someone who will dominate her. She
wakens from a dream and finds a stranger in her bedroom, who does
to her all that she had dreamed of and more. Was it a dream or
reality? You read it and decide for yourself.
Ratings for "When Morning Comes"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9.5
* "Elizabeth & Anastasia" by Tom Bombadil (stbush@iglou.com). This
author combines timing and tension to create a very good story.
At the very start we know simply that Betty (Elizabeth) is upset
because her father has thrown Stacy (Anastasia) out of the house
and has threatened to kill her if he ever sees her around his
daughter again. Then we flash back to a scene in a vice-
principal's office, where Betty is describing her problems with a
teacher who seems to be making passes at her. There must be some
relation, the reader thinks, between what's happening in this
flashback and the relationship between Betty and Stacy; but what
is it? Is the vice-principal actually Stacy? The vice-principal
has recommended a tutor; will that be Stacy? And then there is a
sinister note; the vice-principal is apparently interested in
exploiting a sexual opening with the teacher who had been
harassing Betty. What are the implications of that tidbit for
Betty? I can't help it; I root for characters when I read some of
these stories. I already sympathize with Betty; and as a hard-
working teacher myself, I wouldn't mind seeing the VP stick it to
the teacher/pervert, but I hope that Betty and Stacy are people
with a wholesome relationship rather than participants in some
sort of demeaning ring of sex-slavery.
As I finish writing the preceding paragraph, I am only about 2000
words into a 47,000-word story. I mention this because I think it
is a sign of a good story to arouse the reader's interest as
strongly as this story grabbed my attention.
I'm reluctant to tell you too much of the story. I enjoyed
finding out what would happen next, and I think you will too. The
author uses an interesting strategy of alternating between the
past and the present; that is, there is one continuous story
starting in the present; and another continuous story - that gives
meaning to the current-time story - starts in the past. In
general, this is an ingenious and enthralling approach; but at
times it becomes confusing. For example, when the girls are
arguing in the past and making up in the present, the two plots
may become entwined in the reader's mind. It must have been
difficult for the author to coordinate these two plots; but he
carries it off effectively - with the exception of one point in
Chapter 4 where he seems to use in the past storyline information
about Joyce that could be known only from the present plot.
This is not a wham-bang sex story; it's a romantic story about a
relationship that happens to involve intimate sex between two
females. The early part of the story (probably the first two
thirds - and that's a lot in a story of this size) does not
contain any specific sexual activity at all; but sex is implied,
and sexual tension pervades even this part. That makes it sexy to
me. When explicit sex does occur, it is very hot.
To be honest, I have to admit that this story brought tears to my
eyes more often than it brought moisture to my lower regions; but
they were often tears of joy that I associate with really happy
times in the sack. I suppose that makes this pretty much a "chick
story," but you studs out there oughta read it too. Maybe it'll
put some hair on your chest.
This story has some flaws; but it's still excellent. Look at it
this way: on several occasions the author actually spelled
"english" (as in English Teacher!) with a lower-case "e"; but I
still gave the story straight 10's. I can't offer a much
stronger recommendation than that!
Ratings for "Elizabeth & Anastasia"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Dune what Comes Naturally" by Jeanette Brennan (anon584c@nyx.net).
Uther Pendragon has revised this story slightly. Since it's under 500
words, you can easily re-read it and see how it compares to the
original. I am simply reposting my original review, which is still
accurate.
A creative feature of this story is that it is written by a fictional
character. As I proofread the preceding sentence, I realized how badly
it missed the point. Actually, in a legitimate sense ALL the stories in
this contest are probably written by fictional characters. That is,
almost everyone uses a pseudonym when posting on a.s.s. What I meant to
say was that in this case Uther Pendragon has written a pair of stories
and has given credit for them to Jeanette and Bob Brennan, two fictional
characters in his long-running "For... " series. So if this feature
really works, the present story should not only be a good story; it
should also appear to be the work of Jeanette as opposed to Bob or
someone else.
In this story Marlene's mother tells her to be home right after the
movie to which the girl is going with her boyfriend. Since they are on
a tight deadline, they leave the movie early and go down to the beach to
make out. But while they're making out in an area where they cannot be
observed, they hear someone else nearby doing a bit more than just
making out. If Uther Pendragon has done his work well and if you are
familiar with his other work, you should now have a pretty good idea how
this story will end - or at least it will seem like an ending that
Jeanette would have written for her entry in this contest. It worked
for me!
Ratings for "Dune what Comes Naturally"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
Grammar Tip of the Week: FREQUENTLY CONFUSED WORDS.
DESERT/DESSERT. The DESERT is the dry place where men get so
lonely that they fuck their camels and have mirages of lovely
women. A DESSERT is what you might lick out of your lover's
navel. The verb DESERT (pronounced the same as the noun DESSERT)
refers to the activity of leaving something or someone behind, as
a wife might DESERT her husband to become a sex slave of his
friend with the much larger cock. The easiest way to remember
this is that you always want TWO helpings of DESSERT {hence the
double s}, and the others just have one s.
ANXIOUS/EAGER. ANXIOUS means "nervous or worried." When it's
followed by a preposition, it's usually "about" plus a gerund (-
ing word). EAGER means "looking forward". When it's followed by a
preposition, it's usually "to" plus an infinitive (regular form of
the verb). The following are examples of correct usage.
I am ANXIOUS about having anal sex with you. (low odds
of scoring)
I am EAGER to have anal sex with you. (high odds of
scoring)
It's wise to use these words correctly, but you should be aware
that about 90% of the people you will ever meet will use ANXIOUS
plus "to" as a synonym for EAGER. So if someone says, "I am
ANXIOUS to have anal sex with you," you might as well fuck him/her
in the ass before you recommend therapy to alleviate the anxiety.
The "to" would probably stand up as a legitimate defense in court
in a sexual harassment trial.
You also have to be careful with these words when they modify
nouns directly. The phrase "ANXIOUS lover" should be reserved for
guys in danger of premature ejaculation or suffering from some
other form of anxiety. People who simply want to get on with it
are EAGER lovers.