Celestial Reviews 190 - June 14, 1997
Note: I absolutely cannot figure out AOL sometimes. On June 11 AOL was
giving me trouble with outgoing mail, and so I wasn't able to post CR
189 until the next day. At the same time I also reposted my own story,
"Virtuous Reality." I KNOW these made it to Usenet, because (a) I have
received e-mail correspondence about both and (b) if I go into DejaNews
I can find them both there. Yet I have not yet seen either of them on
my own AOL screen in the Usenet Newsgroups, and I have looked very
carefully. I can understand DELAYS, but it really seems to me that AOL
is simply SKIPPING these stories.
Besides being a source of irritation to me personally, this troubles me
for several reasons. First, I don't know WHAT ELSE I have been missing.
It seems likely that if AOL is skipping my material, it is also omitting
other people's material, apparently at random. Second, I don't know how
many other systems there are that are as bad as AOL. When I post
something that appears in a.s.s., how do I know whether anyone else can
find it?
I don't understand this technology perfectly, but I have assumed that
there's a collection of stories "out there" someplace that is labeled
"alt.sex.stories" and another labeled "alt.sex.stories.moderated." I
thought that what someone submitted to these newsgroups was stored in
one of these collections and was distributed through agents like AOL to
people like me. Now I don't know what to think. Are there several
collections out there, each separately labeled "alt.sex.stories" or
"alt.sex.stories.moderated" - some of them haphazardly overlapping with
others? Are my entries in some of these collections but not others?
Has AOL somehow censored me? If so, why would AOL censor ME and not
some of the other stuff that is posted in these newsgroups?
As I said, I really don't know what's going on here.
Second Note: Remember the Blow Job Principle: We are in danger of losing
some of our best authors. I am aware of at least two people who say
they are ready to throw in the towel simply because they get so little
feedback from readers. If you rarely or never respond to authors, then
THIS IS YOUR FAULT!
What in the world do you think keeps an author going? You can call it
ego or whatever you want to call it. I call it the Blow Job Principle.
Simply stated, if a person expects to get a second blow job, the
recipient should make the giver glad to have performed the first.
Applied to these stories, if you like a story, take the trouble to say
so.
Some writers on this newsgroup are incoherent and don't intend to
improve. If they give up and go away, that's fine with me. But there
are good writers who have already abandoned this newsgroup and others
who will do so, because there's nothing in it for them.
I'm not suggesting that you kiss up to the authors. But if you enjoy a
story that you obtained for free, why not take two minutes to give the
author some feedback? I don't think most authors want idle flattery;
but they write stories with the hope that they are getting a reaction -
for example, they may want to make people happy. They'll never know
they have succeeded unless somebody tells them so.
Third Note: Ole Joe has published a detailed analysis called
"Alt.sex.stories - A Subculture," in which he briefly describes the work
of a very large number of authors who have posted stories with this
newsgroup. The analysis is admittedly incomplete, and I'm sure he will
improve it in future drafts, but it's already a useful source of
information for people looking for good stories to read.
Fourth Note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my
reviews for me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
"Distracted" by Mariana E. Rodrigues (quickie) 5, 5, 5
"Visitors" by Tuscahoma Jack (shape changing sex) 9, 6, 6
"The Secret Sex World of Alex Mack" by Mr. Jones (sci
fi teenage & medical sex) 8, 9, 9
"The Secret World of Alex Mack" by Night Rider (sci fi &
teenage sex) 7, 7, 7
"Desserts" by Houston R. Knight (food & incest) 9, 9, 9
"Intimate Customer Relations" by Lingus (wife sharing)
10, 10, 10
"Zipless Fuck" by Doug (quickie) 10, 10, 10
"Woman2Woman" by Candy Kane (ff computer show sex) 9.27A
* "The Dick: Confessions of a Private Eye" by Sandman
(private detective orgies) 9, 10, 10
* "Wherefore Art Thou, O'Mighty Thighmaster?" by
Anonymous (mindless mayhem) 1, 1, 1
* = Repost of a previous review (because the story has
recently been reposted).
"Distracted" by Mariana E. Rodrigues (Mariana.E.Rodrigues-1@tc.umn.edu).
This story attempts to convey the passion that a hot woman evokes when
she enters an office and immediately seduces the man who works there. I
think the story has a good idea, but it is completely lost in really bad
grammar that needs to be cleaned up. Readers who insist I am being
pedantic by insisting on good grammar should take a glance at this
story. I suspect there may be a perfectly good reason why the grammar
is so bad, and I also suspect that the passion that is in the mind of
the author is much greater than I was able to get out of this story; but
the fact is that I was unable to share this passion because the
structure of the language stood in my way. If an author wants to share
a story with a broad audience, it is important to write in such a way
that the readers are likely to experience the same scenes and feelings
that the author feels while writing the story.
Ratings for "Distracted"
Athena (technical quality): 5
Venus (plot & character): 5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5
"Visitors" by Tuscahoma Jack (tuscjack@usa.net). A woman awakens in the
middle of the night and finds herself being molested by the tentacles an
almost unseen monster. She finds this to be an extremely pleasurable
experience. Eventually there's a surprise ending, which depends partly
on familiarity with Anime, which is something I personally lack.
Anyway, I can't tell you more without ruining the plot.
This is the author's first effort, and I think he suffers from a problem
many beginners experience: assuming that readers are initially more
ready than they are to buy into an unusual perspective - that is, not
making enough effort to win readers over to the author's perspective.
For example, were I to wake up in the middle of the night with the
tentacles of an unknown monster fondling my body, I really doubt that my
dominant reaction would be to relax and enjoy it. One way to win me
over to this perspective (and there are probably many other ways) would
be to have the woman get turned on BEFORE she realizes that those are
tentacles rather than the gentle fingers of a lover. What the story
lacks is a RATIONALE to explain the woman's initial receptiveness -
otherwise, the surprise ending lacks punch.
In addition, I had real trouble understanding the plot after it started
to depend more and more on Anime mythology. If a story is designed for
a specific in-group (such as Anime enthusiasts), this should be stated
up front; otherwise, the author should take steps to introduce relevant
concepts in a way that outsiders (like me) can understand the basic
logic. However, even if I would have known more about Anime matters, I
think the grammar would have given me trouble figuring out just what was
happening. For example, the author kept changing between (plural)
tentacles and a (singular) tentacle. Since I had never seen this
monster, this strained my imagination.
Ratings for "Visitors"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 6
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 6
"The Secret Sex World of Alex Mack" by Mr. Jones
(cthulh19@mirage.skypoint.com). This is a parody of a popular non-
network American television show. (I think it appears on the
Nickelodeon cable channel.) There are currently several really creative
television series about adolescent girls who are both sexy and smart.
These include a vampire killer, a teenage witch, and Alex Mack. As a
former adolescent girl, I wish I had role models like these when I was a
child. As a former adolescent boy, my husband knows exactly why so many
teenage boys watch this show: the heroines, he says, are the subject of
wet dreams.
This story is science fiction. Events like those in this story don't
happen in real life. Your first clue will be the notion that a doctor
would make a house call to check on a non-millionaire with flu-like
symptoms. Your second clue will come when Alex's body starts to glow
after Dr. Fuller fucks her in the ass. Remember how Peter Parker and
the Hulk screwed around with radioactive chemicals and got turned into
superheroes? Well, Alex has messed around with chemicals, but for her
the outcome has been different: her sexual anatomy has taken on an
independent existence; in short, for purposes of this parody, she has a
nymphomaniac residing inside her innocent body.
The story begins when Dr. Fuller arrives to check young Alex for flu-
like symptoms. Alex's mom has to run an errand, and the sci-fi doctor
offers to serve as a baby-sitter while he examines the unconscious young
girl. When circumstances prevent him from taking the teenager's
temperature orally, he is forced to insert his probe between her
luscious ass cheeks. Pretty soon Doc has all six inches (no
radioactivity for him - otherwise, he'd sport a 15-incher!) of his cock
rammed up her ass and both are cumming wildly. For complex reasons
Alex's body glows and emits sparks when she first achieves orgasm; and
since this is _science_ fiction the good doctor feels obligated to test
the hypothesis that it was the attainment of sexual fulfillment that
caused her body to glow and emit sparks. Sure enough, she glows and
performs other weird activities. Later the story moves along to
blackmail and other sordid complications.
This is the sort of story that will get Senator Exon and his ilk upset
over the possibility that "this kind of trash might promote pedophilia."
Therefore, I would like to caution readers that in the unlikely event
that you are ever a doctor visiting in her home a young nymphomaniac
virgin with flu-like symptoms, you should not fuck her either anally or
in any other way, even if her ass literally sucks your finger and then
your penis into its hot little cavity. Furthermore, if you think it
would be fun to fuck a hot little teenager who glows and emits sparks,
you are in for the shock of your life. If - in spite of these warnings
- you persist in molesting an innocent waif under these circumstances,
at least be sure to wear a condom and whatever other accouterments are
necessary to reduce the likelihood of electrocution.
This story was fun! The author obviously intends to post many more
chapters in this story. I wavered between 9's and 10's the ratings for
plot and appeal to the reviewer. I went with the lower ratings largely
because the story is obviously incomplete and I don't like to reward
unfinished work.
Ratings for "The Secret Sex World of Alex Mack"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"The Secret World of Alex Mack" by Night Rider (nightri101@aol.com).
This is a distinctly different story than the previous one. It has one
less word in the title and is written by a different author. But it's
the same little Alex, who has been sprayed with GC-161 and has developed
super powers that let her morph to a puddle of water and zap bolts of
electricity into things. In the first chapter of this story we also
meet Alex's sister Annie, who gets A's in science but C's in bra cups,
and who is therefore qualified to help Alex explore her sexuality vis-a-
vis GC-161. Annie's experiments lead her to discover that Alex glows
during sex. My husband tells me that I also sometimes seem to glow
during orgasms, but I think my own evanescence is metaphorical; and
besides, I don't have to stop when my mother comes home or worry about a
chemical company doing vile things to me if I accidentally disclose my
secret identity.
Now, wait a minute! In chapter 2 Alex engages in various sexual
activities with her friend Ray. She doesn't glow. Is this because she
glows only during lesbian sex? If so, is this because of an interaction
between pheromones and GC-161? Or maybe Alex did glow, but Ray didn't
notice. But that would be kind of hard to miss, wouldn't it? Or maybe
Alex did glow, but Ray was too polite or shy to say anything about it.
Or maybe it doesn't matter. Maybe the whole purpose of this story is to
titillate adolescent boys who are hot for Alex but who are not supposed
to be on this newsgroup anyway.
Neither this nor the preceding story actually offers a good parody of
the TV show or a good stand-alone story. Both stories simply take the
Alex character and have her do things that her lustful young admirers
would like to see her do. This one is obviously incomplete - it goes to
chapter 2 and then stops for whatever reason. I'm waiting for Uncle
Mike to come back from the grave and write a real parody of Alex Mack or
some of these other teenage TV stars.
Ratings for "The Secret Sex World of Alex Mack"
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
"Desserts" by Houston R. Knight (True.Knight@cia.com). Phil is slightly
perplexed. Last night his mother fed him his peaches for dessert by
biting off a chunk and then French kissing him until he had ingested the
fruit. She did this for the whole bowl of peaches. I suspect that Phil
knew this was wrong. Miss Manners would not have approved. They should
have at least used a napkin.
Phil isn't about to complain. After all, his 44-year old mother checks
in at 5'7", 140 lbs., and 38D-29-38. That's not bad, even in the remote
mountains of Tennessee.
Today she has a bowl of whipped cream, and this gives Phil an out-of-
body experience: "Straddling him again, he watched silently as she
unbuttoned the top of her dress down to her waist, then baring her full
breasts to him." Actually, that's not an out-of-body experience - just
a misplaced modifier. The author wants "straddling" to modify the
mother, but he has placed it in a location where it modifies Phil. I
guess those 38D's can be distracting when you have to lick whipped cream
off them. The next day it's the ole honey-on-the-ass trick. Then
there's something about a chocolate-coated banana, but it's not really a
banana.
I think the author is into incest. If Dulcinea wrote this story, she
would simply turn these people into husband and wife, omit the specific
references to mathematics, and clean up the grammar a little.
One element of this author's stories that some readers will find
distasteful <g> is that he ends with an advertisement that tries to sell
his stories. I have no objection to this sales gimmick, since the
author gives us a genuine, complete story and puts the ad where we can
easily ignore it. In other words, this isn't spam. The stories are
well written and probably worth the dollar the author wants to collect,
but then the other stories on this newsgroup cost even less.
Ratings for "Desserts"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Intimate Customer Relations" by Lingus (wife sharing). Tom is upset
because the woman he has promised as a date for a business client has
canceled. He has promised Ed a good time at dinner and in the sack.
Realizing Tom's dilemma and prompted by one of her swinging friends, his
wife offers to fill in as a sub. Tom discovers that knowing that Betty
is having great sex with another man is a really exciting experience;
and of course Betty enjoys it too. Even better, Ed places his largest
order ever with Tom, and Tom plans to combine business with pleasure by
taking Betty along on future business trips as an in-house escort
service for future customers.
As I read my summary in the preceding paragraph, it occurred to me that
the plot sounds pretty lame. That's because I suspect that in real life
things just wouldn't happen this way. Nevertheless, this is a good
story. It's a fantasy; but fantasies are OK in this newsgroup. At
least this author builds a rationale to make it sound plausible that two
people who are happily in love would wonderfully expand their horizons
by having the wife act like a slut with other men. Once you grant that
assumption, this becomes a pretty good story.
Of course, the major problem with this story is the question of whether
Betty's portion of the future business trips would be tax deductible.
My tentative answer is yes. After all, I personally subtract all my
sex-related expenses from my profits from these Celestial Reviews; but
since I make no money, that's not a really impressive argument. I would
conjecture that the IRS actually has an answer to this question, and I
wish someone would send it to me or write a story about it.
I suspect we have several IRS employees either lurking on this newsgroup
or actively participating. For one thing, lurking is one of the things
that IRS agents and accountants do best. In addition, those poor souls
have to sublimate in some way. Their lives are often so drab that
they're like dynamite when they sit down at a keyboard, shrouded in
anonymity, ready to burst forth into the world in their full sexual
splendor. You can usually recognize them by their names. For example,
sometimes they have a number for the second letter of their first name.
Ratings for "Intimate Customer Relations"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Zipless Fuck" by Doug (parapuke repost). A zipless fuck occurs when the
fucker doesn't know the fuckee, there is no meaningless chatter, and
there is no playing games. The two people see each other, they are
attracted to each other, and they fuck each other. In the quintessential
zipless fuck the participants don't even speak to each other. They may
never even see one another again, but it doesn't matter, because they
both got what they wanted. A zipless fuck is extremely romantic in an
unromantic sort of way.
This is a story of a zipless fuck. Having defined it, what else can I
say? It's pretty hot stuff.
I myself have never done a zipless fuck. However, I have been a
participant in numerous ultra-zipless fucks. A UZF is everything that a
ZF is, with the addition that not only do we UZFers not know each other
or talk about it, we don't even actually do it. For that matter, my
partner often doesn't even know I am having a UZF with him/her/them. I
just plan it and work out the details in my perverted little mind.
Think about it! Gotcha! You may have just been the victim of a UZF!
Ratings for "Zipless Fuck"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
Here's a Guest Review by M1KE Hunt:
"Woman2Woman" by Candy Kane (GQKZ45C@prodigy.com). "Woman2Woman" is a
fun read, zippy and straightforward, with few distractions to pull you
away from the story of the seduction of one woman by another. Christine
and Laura are sales reps at a computer show, and meet each other while
standing on the floor for 10 hours fending off propositions from men. At
one point in the shared cab ride back to the hotel, Christine, the
narrator, asks ""Is getting laid the only reason these guys come here?"
This is one of the few distractions, because the answer, obviously, is
"yes." I've been to computer shows.
The girls retreat to their hotel rooms, wherein Laura offers to give
Christine a massage to relieve her stress. You'll be shocked to find out
that they both end up nude, make gentle love with one another, and spend
the next several days sneaking kisses in the employee lounge, squatting
at the display to show each other their pussies, and generally having a
lovely time.
The plot is not complicated, and it's been done before, but then haven't
they all? "Woman2Woman" suffers only from a half-dozen obvious editing
errors, such as "positioning her bare legs on each side of my." My what?
And there are words that the spell check thought were OK, but a quick
proofreading would have caught, such as "spend" for "spent." OK, it's
niggling, but if I didn't catch at least a couple of grammatical errors,
I wouldn't be doing my job as a reviewer, right?
I give "Woman2Woman" a "9.27A" rating on the open ended "Verschlumpt"
scale, a logarithmic evaluation schedule I've designed based on plot,
sexuality, spelling, taste, today's Dow Jones results and other logical
factors such as whether it's Tuesday or not.
{end of review}
* "The Dick: Confessions of a Private Eye" by Sandman (bd654@scn.org).
Somebody posting from an address beginning with "parapuke" has been
reposting some extremely good stories. The only problem I see with
these reposts is that the titles have sometimes been slightly changed
and the names of the authors have been deleted. For example, although
this one was labeled "The Dick - A Private Eye's Story" the original
title was "The Dick: Confessions of a Private Eye," and it was written
by a person who called himself Sandman. Aside from some grammatical and
stylistic errors, this is an extremely good story; and the author
deserves his credit. PLEASE! If you repost stories, give credit to the
original authors.
Here's my original review.
Many, many years ago, a sweet old nun was making a genuine effort to
enliven her English class by showing some films of classic movies. This
was in the days before VCRs were available in all classrooms. She
rolled out her 16 mm projector and showed the film that she had obtained
for free from the public library. I forget what that film was; but
after it was over, the sweet old nun said, "And if you're all good,
Friday I'll show you "The Bank Dick." A titter ran through the room.
{That sentence itself is a punchline to a joke; but we shall not digress
at this time.} The nun called on a young student - in fact, an A
student who would later become an English teacher and reviewer of smutty
stories, but who {That's right, "who" - this is a complex thought.} -
but who the sweet old nun secretly hoped would become a sweet young nun
- she called on this young student in front of the whole class and asked
her to kindly explain what was so funny. At first the student evaded
the issue with clever responses like, "Nothing" and "I don't know."
However, the silly grins that the other students were urged to wipe off
their faces - along with the titter that kept running through the class
- caused the sweet old nun to persist; and eventually the student
replied, "Sister, I think 'dick' is a vulgar term that refers to the
male penis." The grins quickly disappeared; and the titter came to a
halt; and the student discovered the meaning of the metaphor "killing
the messenger."
The sweet old nun called my mother that evening and told her that I
"knew things that no good girl should know." As I stood in the kitchen
listening to the phone call, I came to a new understanding of the
metaphor "scared shitless." My mother responded, "Thank you, sister. I
think perhaps you had better pray for her." Then she hung up the phone,
looked at me sternly, shook her head sadly, and said, "Nuns can be weird
sometimes. You did fine."
To this very day I don't know how the term "dick" became applied to
these disparate concepts; but I still get a silly grin that has to be
wiped off my face whenever I hear the d-word applied to a private eye.
Anyway, this is not your ordinary "interracial" sex story. Bernard, the
black stud, sports a simple five-incher, rather than the usual monster
cock. He also has a problem with premature ejaculation, which his red-
headed, white girlfriend handles sympathetically. The private detective
has been hired by Bernard's black wife with a great ass to get the dirt
on Bernie, so that she can dump him and make off with his money. The
detective, of course, becomes enamored with his client; and then, of
course, he also becomes enamored with the husband's mistress, who has
the most incredible tongue this dick has ever come across. {Sometimes I
suspect that some of these double meanings are intentional.}
To make a long story short, the ladies meet and hit it off together.
Some of the racial epithets are not politically correct; but then these
ladies are not politicians. Although Sheila is a redhead of apparent
European ancestry, she is conversant with African American literature,
as we can see from this excerpt addressed to her new dark-skinned
friend:
"You have the most beautiful ass in the whole world. I should know, I
just tasted it. Your asshole tastes so great. Please don't spank me
for my comments. But whatever you do, don't ram one of the dildos in my
dresser up my cunt while spanking me. That would hurt even more. I
never want to feel such pain ever again." Br'er Rabbit couldn't have
said it better.
The story is chockfull of surprises and wonderful events: crescendos,
blowjobs, puckered and gaping assholes, wad after wad shooting across
cyberspace, and even a double underwater blow job in the bathtub at 5:00
a.m. All of this is described in the objective tone and with the
metaphors typical of a detective in a dime-novel or B-movie.
Near the end of the story (in the pre-ante-penultimate paragraph, to be
precise), we find these lines: "These two beautiful bodies, lying
against one another, were now facing me in such a way that I could see
their four holes lined up in a line: asshole, cunt, cunt, asshole. It
was a beautiful and erotic sight. I paused to consider my situation,
scratching my balls in the process." Writers of detective stories always
talk like this.
And antepenultimately: "If you can't lick 'em, fuck 'em!"
OK. Just in case you don't know the joke that goes with that punchline,
here it is. The ladies of the church society had arranged to have the
children act out the Christmas play as the script was being read to the
congregation. {There's a whole lot more that can be added here. Use
your creative imagination.} Right after the cute little kid appeared
while the angel talking to the shepherds, another cute little boy ran
through the assembled worshippers and rapidly fondled all the women's
breasts. The minister jumped to his feet and shouted, "What in the HELL
is going on here!" The director waved the script in front of him and
said, "It says right here in parentheses in the script you gave me: 'A
titter runs through the congregation.'" Or something like that.
Ratings for "The Dick"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Wherefore Art Thou, O'Mighty Thighmaster?" by Anonymous (and
understandably so) (an433945@anon.penet.fi). This is an excellent
example of a really bad story. Aspiring authors should read this story
just to identify mistakes to avoid. Really. Here's how you yourself
can write a hot sex story like this one:
(1) Have a general plot and then start writing. As soon as you get an
idea write it down. Then keep piling your ideas one on top of another
until eventually something neat happens. Pretty soon nobody will be
able to figure out what the plot is. if people are dumb enough to read
the story in spite of this obvious ineptitude, they don't care about
plot anyway.
(2) When you finish the story, set it aside for at least five minutes,
while you relieve one of nature's needs or something; then read through
the story. You'll think of new ideas. Just insert them wherever you
think of them; that's what a word processor is for. But never delete a
thought once you've written it down and never rearrange what you have
written in order to make it make better sense.
(3) Don't worry about grammar. You're writing for sex maniacs, not
nerds. For example, if you want to use "she" ambiguously in a sentence,
sometimes referring to a wagon and sometimes to a female person, readers
should be able to figure this out.
(4) When (if) you reread parts of your story and can't even yourself
remember what you meant by a passage, put that passage in ALL CAPS for
emphasis.
(5) Don't let the dictionary stand in your way. For example, if you
think "wherefore" means "where," then go with the W word for the first
word of your title. After all, every kid who has never read Romeo and
Juliet knows that when What's Her Name said, "Wherefore art thou Romeo?"
she was asking for his geographical coordinates.
(6) Even when using informal language or slang, fuck tradition! For
example, never mind that most people use the term "buck naked" - go
ahead and say BUTT NAKED and put it in caps. Nobody knows where the
term "buck naked" came from anyway.
(7) Don't let school subjects bother you. For example, either math or
biology might inform you that it's extremely unlikely that one of the
Monet twins would be 19 and the other 15 years old; but you don't want
to be a nerd; so stick with the twin theory - even if it is irrelevant
to the plot of the story.
(8) Don't worry about whether something is actually possible. If you
can write it down and it's about sex (or at least about defecation or
neat forms of torture), it belongs in the story.
On a more serious note: the following sentence brought back childhood
memories:
"With all her might, Carrie struck her as her head jolted
forward knocking off Becki's glasses."
The first joke I can ever remember a teacher telling was:
"Do you see this nail? When I nod my head, hit it as hard
as you can with that sledge hammer!"
The joke had something to do with pronoun antecedents, a topic about
which this author does not claim expertise. There must be a sexual
version of that joke out there somewhere, and I'd like to hear it.
Incredibly enough, this story actually does have potential. I really
mean that. It could become a weird tale about a kid's odyssey while
towing naked friends in her little red wagon. The author merely needs to
break at least seven of the eight rules I cited above the next time he
revises this story. Even in its present form it's almost half as good
as a rejected episode of Beevis and Butthead.
Ratings for "Wherefore Art Thou, O'Mighty Thighmaster?"
Athena (technical quality): 1
Venus (plot & character): 1
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 1