Celestial Reviews 188 - June 7, 1997

Note:  The deadline for the Second Third Annual Celestial Writing 
Contest has come and gone.  Here's what we do next.  I am going to post 
the list of all the stories I have received.  Authors should post the 
stories on a.s.s. or a.s.s.m. They should label them at the beginning of 
the line with this heading: {<500 words}.  Any readers who wish to do so 
should read as many of these stories as they wish and send their 
comments to me.  Comments can be of two kinds: comments on a specific 
story or comments comparing stories - for example, by telling me why one 
story or another should be awarded the First Prize.  If you wish to do 
so, you can shamelessly promote your cause, as Mike Hunt has done in the 
past.  However, I don't recommend that, since most of us are impervious 
to silly flattery and other strategies that do not lead directly to 
orgasm.

The final decision will be mine; but I shall allow myself to be 
influenced by this input from readers.  I will NOT go by a simple vote; 
I'll take into consideration your input and make a decision.  Of course, 
there's actually nothing to prevent someone else from giving a Second 
First Prize in this Second Third Annual Celestial Story Contest.

The deadline for sending feedback to me is June 14.  On June 18 I'll 
post the name of the winner, and I'll also post my reviews of all the 
stories.

Here is the list (in general alphabetical order) of the stories I have 
received for this contest. If you think there is an error on this list, 
contact me, so that I can make a correction as soon as possible.

"Am I Only Dreaming?" by Paddy Toute
"B----'s Lover" by Eli-the-Bearded
"Bees" by Mat Twassel 
"Cain and Abel" by Taria
"Civility" by Mark Aster
"Confessions of Lust" by Anon747
"Cream" by Seurat
"Daisy" by John Thomas
"Double Dutch" by Tom Bombadil
"Dune What Comes Naturally" by Jeanette Brennan
"Foodie" by Plainman
"The Game" by Michael Ellis
"The Harpooner" by MrSpraycan
"A Hot Time in the Old Town" by Tom Bombadil
"The Houseguest" by DG
"If." by Mary's Brother 
"In Your Own Sweet Way" by Walter Caulder
"Listening to the Neighbors" by Renae Nicks
"Memo" by Mike Hunt
"My Trusted Friend" by BronwenSM
"The Orgy" by kollontai
"The Phone Call" by Gregarious
"Playing Pool" by BronwenSM
"Poe" by Seurat
"Quiz" by Mike Hunt
"Rant" by Mike Hunt
"Ships that Parse in the Night" by John Thomas
"Spaced Out" by John Thomas
"Taken" by kollontai
"An Unintentional Voyeur" by Tom Bombadil
"Watching" by Tom Bombadil
"Watching 3" by Tom Bombadil
"What Choice? by Mal
"Windmill Saga" by Robert Brennan
"Yardstick" by John Thomas

"Teasers" by Vickie Tern (several eligible entries)
"Quickies" by Vickie Tern (a subset of "Teasers")
"Twist" by Seurat (several eligible entries)

Note that it is OK (and may be convenient) for authors to post several 
stories in a single package.  However, the prize will go to a single 
story.  If you read a set of stories, therefore, be sure to specify 
definite stories in your comments to me.

Second Note:  Eli has recently been criticized for "failing to moderate" 
alt.sex.stories.moderated.  I am genuinely confused by this criticism.  
I just looked at the newsgroup again, and as near as I can figure, the 
entries there were all stories.  That's all Eli has agreed to do - make 
an effort to ascertain that everything there is a legitimate story.  He 
has also agreed to post my reviews there, but I don't think the critics 
are complaining about that.  Either these critics are seeing a different 
list of stories than I am getting, or they are complaining about the 
QUALITY of the stories.  Eli has never promised to vouch for the 
quality.  All he's doing is saying that everything on a.s.s.m. is 
probably an actual story - as opposed to a.s.s., where we find a huge 
amount of senseless spam.

I personally appreciate Eli's efforts and hope he gets amply rewarded 
for his good work.

Third Note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews 
for me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.

- Celeste

      "Shelly's Sex Life" by Mike Hunt (sex instruction) 10, 10, 10
      "Nichole" by Dirty Dawg (sex with cop) 9.5, 9.5, 9
      "The Power" by Johnny D. (bondage & anal sex) 10, 9, 9
      "The Husband" by Sue (swinging orgy) 4, 4, 4
      "Barbeque of Doom" by Unknown Author (really grotesque sex) 
            9, 4, 4
      "In the Barn" by Unknown Author (kiddy sex in the barn)
            9, 9, 9
      "Bartenders Have All the Fun" by The Grey Ghost (orgy)
            6, 8, 7
      "The Offering" by BronwenSM (exhibitionism & mercy fuck)
            9.5, 10, 10
      "Midnight Ride" by Houston R. Knight (incest) 10, 10, 10

"Shelly's Sex Life" by Mike Hunt (M1KE HUNT@aol.com).  Shelly is not 
Mike's type of woman, but she needs help with her sex life, and she 
persuades Mike to help her.  When Mike helps her, Shelly is a fast 
learner: she quickly BECOMES Mike's type of woman.  Imagine that.  

The first week's lesson focuses on attitude and oral sex.  The "lesson" 
is sexy and just plain titillating.  Shelly does so well that next she 
wants to study swallowing, tit-fucking, and anal sex.  Imagine that.

Ratings for "Shelly's Sex Life"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Nichole" by Dirty Dawg (A+ Story).  The detective is assigned to 
interrogate a prostitute who has been a witness to a murder, and he 
suddenly realizes that she is his former high school girlfriend.  She 
has become a slut; she really enjoys fucking with lots and lots of men.  
The cop rehashes the emotions of his past life and then screws the 
prostitute.  

This is one of my all-time favorite authors.  Several of his stories 
have a theme of romance with a former lover - the correction of a 
relationship that has gone wrong.  In most cases the man has missed an 
opportunity to build a relationship and rectifies that shortcoming 
before the end of the story.  In this story the author tries a slightly 
more complex plot, and I don't think he quite brings it off.  Close, but 
not as good as I would have expected from this author.

Ratings for "Nichole"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"The Power" by Johnny D. (JohnnyD@cryogen.com).  This story is entirely 
a dialogue between a man and a woman who are having sex together.  The 
reader has to use his/her imagination to fill in all the details.  At 
first the man boasts about how he has the power to really satisfy a 
woman.  She finds him to be boorishly egotistical and turns the tables 
on him.  She handcuffs him and rapes him in the ass with a large dildo.  
This isn't a very nice thing to do, but I suppose some men who think 
they are God's Gift to Women deserve this kind of treatment.

Ratings for "The Power"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"The Husband" by Sue (gregsr@en.com).  This is a sample of the material 
from Sue's Intimate Library.  About all I can tell you is that this 
library does not insist on grammar - or sophisticated plots.  Sue and 
Greg talk to another couple on the phone and then meet them for sex.  At 
first I wondered why this story, which is entitled "The Husband" was 
posted as "Saturday Night," but then I lost interest. 

Ratings for "The Husband"
Athena (technical quality): 4
Venus (plot & character): 4
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 4

"Barbeque of Doom" by Unknown Author (Red Dragon Repost).  I was just 
saying to myself, "Self, the Red Dragon has been reposting better 
stories lately.  They're a lot more literate than they used to be."  So 
I chose this one and read it and said to myself, "Self, either you chose 
a bad sample or you are wrong about the Red Dragon."  

This story is so bad that it's almost good.  Sex simply cannot occur the 
way it is described in this story.  The best thing that can be said 
about it is that it makes interesting use of random body parts.  I'm 
pretty sure the author was trying to be sarcastically creative or 
something like that; it would be sad to think that this author actually 
thought this was a story.

This story is short, and it's kind of fun - the sort of thing you might 
want to print out and leave around in the beauty parlor when you know 
the next lady is that prissy, sanctimonious, religious bitch who always 
annoys you.

Ratings for "Barbeque of Doom"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 4
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 4

"In the Barn" by Unknown Author (Red Dragon repost).  Jodi is relaxing 
in the barn, braced for a boring evening with the relatives.  She's 13.5 
years old.  Then her older cousin Brad comes into the barn with a dirty 
magazine and starts to masturbate.  She interrupts him and shows him her 
tits, and then they have sex together.  Actually, I have oversimplified 
this story considerably: before they have sex he tickles her, she sticks 
out her tongue at him, and they look at the pictures in the dirty 
magazine together.  They also watch Sinbad fuck Margaret.  Sinbad is a 
bull and Margaret is a regular cow.

Favorite line department:  "He gently curls my hand around his penis, 
then begins moving my hand slowly up and down his shaft. It feels almost 
as if it is alive, the way it pulses under my fingers."  Think about 
that for a moment.... Guess what!  The penis IS alive!  That's the 
difference between a real cock and a dildo.

Then Jodi gives him head.  The author doesn't say whether his cock still 
felt alive; but if it didn't, she did something wrong.  I suspect it was 
still alive, because it becomes large again and he sticks it into her.  
A good time is had by all.  Then they go inside and have a boring 
evening with the other relatives.

This reminds me of a story.  Vern the undertaker was having an ordinary 
day, when the people from the hospital brought him the body of Schmitty 
the Baker.  Schmitty had died in the act of copulating in the back room 
with a sexy young customer.  The unique thing was that rigor mortis had 
set in while his cock was still up, and it was the biggest cock Vern had 
ever seen.  Vern wished he could show this to his wife; and after he 
thought for a moment, he said to himself, "What the hell.  Schmitty is 
dead and won't need this any more."  And so he hacked off Schmitty's 
cock and put it in a velvet-lined box and took it home for his wife to 
see.  When he walked into the house, he handed his wife the box and 
said, "Look what I got off a dead body today."  His wife opened the box 
and screamed, "Omigod!  Schmitty the Baker is dead!"

Ratings for "In the Barn"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

"Bartenders Have All the Fun" by The Grey Ghost (Red Dragon repost).  
(This story is listed in a.s.s. as "Bartender.")  A college guy and his 
friend stay after hours at the bar and have a raucous party with four 
girls who have been attending a stag-ette party for one of the damsels 
who is getting married.  They play a game called "I've-Never," in which 
players take turns, while sitting in a circle, saying something that 
they have never done and they think someone else in the party has done.  
{It's the sort of thing that counselors often recommend as an ice-
breaker at touchie-feelie encounter groups.} For instance a guy might 
say he has never worn a bra, and all the girls (as well as any guys who 
had worn a bra) would be required to drink (or do what the group has 
decided for that game).  I myself would really kick ass at a game like 
this, because I would say, "I have diagrammed sentences while making 
love" or "I have had an orgasm while reading "The Great Gatsby."  Well, 
as you can easily imagine, somebody in the group has never done a 
striptease, and after the appropriate libations, somebody does do a 
striptease.  Eventually they play a variation of Blind Man's Bluff and 
have an orgy.  A good time is had by all.

Ratings for "Bartenders Have All the Fun"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7

"The Offering" by BronwenSM (bronwensm@aol.com).  The young adolescent 
is getting it on with her older boyfriend in the dark in a semi-public 
place, when she becomes aware that someone is watching.  It's a derelict 
- a sad lonely man, who really likes what he sees.  To her boyfriend's 
dismay, she invites the old guy to join in.  It's stories like this that 
have brought terms like "mercy fuck" and "charity date" into our 
language.

This author has just recently come to my attention.  I think she/he 
should get just a little help with the proofreading - maybe share the 
stories with a friend before posting them.  Overall, this is an 
imaginative, realistic story.  I hope to see more like it.

Ratings for "The Offering"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

"Midnight Ride" by Houston R. Knight (SeptDrms@cia.com).  What's a kid 
to do if his mother with her size D breasts and smooth thighs and tight 
ass and all that other good stuff sits down next to him on his bed and 
asks for a massage for a leg cramp.  The same thing a guy would do in a 
when a lounge lizard with size D breasts and smooth thighs and tight ass 
and all that other good stuff sits down next to him on the next stool at 
a bar and asks for a massage for a leg cramp.  The decision becomes 
easier if either the mother or the lizard asks if the listener likes 
having a woman ride his face. The thought of being underneath a set of 
luscious hips, sandwiched between sensual thighs, servicing a wet pussy 
can be very intoxicating. Obviously, mothers should have more sense.  So 
should lounge lizards.

During the afterglow we hear, "So Todd, have you ever licked a woman's 
ass?"  Hmmm... 

This is a very short, moderately silly, but well written story.

Ratings for "Midnight Ride"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10