Celestial Reviews 179 - May 7, 1997
Note: There's no nice way to say this. Some of you authors have your
facts of life screwed up. Many women in these stories have their
"aureole" stimulated by the tongue or teeth of a lover. This is a
highly unlikely event. Indeed, if I may pass judgment on some of the
women who experience this stimulation, this activity would be not only
unlikely, but actually impossible. An aureole, you see, is a circle of
light or radiance surrounding the head or body of a representation of a
deity or holy person; in short, it's a halo. {The term is also used by
astronomers to refer to the corona around the sun.} The word these
authors undoubtedly mean to use is "areola" (also referred to as
"areole" when it is a specifically biological term), which refers to a
small ring of color around a center portion, as about the nipple of the
breast or the part of the iris surrounding the pupil of the eye. I have
seen other bizarre spellings, including "aereole" - a word which doesn't
exist but which would appear to be related to "aer" or "aero," a root
that refers to air or gas. I suppose this spelling could suggest that
the lover was nibbling an aperture through which air or gas might be
expunged - but I rather think this is a simple spelling error. Anyway,
when my husband makes love to me, I prefer that he nibble on an areola
when the spirit moves him. If he wants them both, they're called either
areolas or areolae. There's also a noun called areolation. That sounds
like a good title for a story.
Second note: In recent discussions on a.s.s.d. some critics have
accused me of being "arrogant." If by arrogance they mean things like
the preceding note, they can kiss my ass - in the arrogant, metaphorical
sense, of course. I honestly don't understand why a person should be
accused of arrogance for authoritatively pointing out useful information
to other people. I try not to appear condescending, and I sincerely do
not believe that I am somehow a superior human being because I happen to
be able to apply grammar rules and to know the meanings of some words
that others do not know. Likewise, when I criticize a story for having
a "weakness," I think it should be obvious that I am offering an
opinion. I, of course, think my opinions are valid, and so do a lot of
readers and authors who seem to respect my opinions; but certainly
people have a right to disagree with my comments. I try to give reasons
for my criticisms, and a sensible course of action would be to look at
my remarks in context and to make up your own mind about them.
I think I have a right to bring my personal value system into these
reviews (just as people who write stories have a right to base their
stories on a given value system, if they wish to do so). When I do
this, I try to be explicit about where I am coming from; and if you want
to reject or ignore my value system, the fact that I am clear about my
position should make this easier for you. In most cases I think I am
fairly tolerant of value systems that differ from my own - at least
compared to the vast number of people who would like to suppress
expression of sexual values that differ from their own.
And by the way, when I lay claim to being the goddess of this newsgroup,
I'm kidding. That was a title bestowed on me a long time ago by a
reader, and I liked it. I really lay no claims to divinity of any kind.
My point here is that if I appear to be arrogant, maybe you should give
me a break. In most cases I think you'll discover that I'm simply
trying to have some fun while writing a set of friendly essays that give
feedback to authors and help readers find some good stories.
Third Note: Remember the Third Annual Celestial Writing Contest. The
rules are that the story must in some way be about sex and must be
restricted to 500 words or less. In addition, the story should include
some sort of unusual twist - like the unexpected self-revelation Robert
Browning's poem "My Last Duchess" or the surprise endings in several of
Vickie Tern's "Teasers" or Deirdre's stories. If you wish, you can
submit several super-short stories together (as Vickie Tern has now done
on two occasions), or you can post them separately under separate
titles. However, I'll give first prize to the best STORY, not to the
best collection. The deadline for submissions will be June 3, which my
calendar tells me is the date on which the Catholic Church will
celebrate the feast of St. Charles Lwanga and his companions.
Fourth Note: Some people have been expressing frustration over my
failure to review their stories. If I have given the impression that I
am willing to spend 20 or 30 hours a week on a "job" that requires me to
read and review every story that deserves to be reviewed, I'm sorry; I
can't do that.
To be perfectly honest, I DO have biases in favor of certain authors.
By that I mean I like these people and will go out of my way to read and
review anything they send me. When another person whom I don't know
gets a bit impatient because I have not yet read his/her 250 page novel,
I simply have to ask that person to be patient. The fact is that there
are authors whose work I dearly love and whom I consider to be personal
friends, but I am unable to read and respond to all of their work.
I enjoy doing these reviews, and I genuinely feel good when authors show
an appreciation for my efforts. But I am not being paid for this job,
and I give priority to my family life and to the various activities for
which people compensate me and have a right to expect me to finish
assignments on schedule.
In addition, I am going to read stories that I think I'll enjoy. I
realize that it can be profitable for me to expand my horizons by
reading stories that may not seem initially attractive to me; and I am
thrilled when I find that I have enjoyed a story that sounded like I
might not enjoy it. But remember: the reason I give so many high
ratings is because I deliberately seek stories that appear to be well
written and which I think I am likely to enjoy.
When it stops being fun to write these reviews, I'll stop doing them.
It's that simple. I don't foresee this happening anytime soon, but I
thought that clarifying my ground rules would make this easier for all
of us.
So go ahead and send me any stories you want to send me. I'll continue
to try to be fair. If I fail to review your story, it's OK to remind me
about its existence. But the simple fact is that there will be stories
that I am unable to review.
Final Note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews
for me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
And a Joke: The man comes home from work, looking for his girlfriend. He
hears her in the bedroom making a lot of noise. As he looks in he sees
her tossing all her clothes into a suitcase.
"What in the of GOD are you doing?" he asks.
His girlfriend says, "I'm leaving you and going home to my mother."
"What did I do to make you won't to leave me like this?"
I just found out that you are a PEDOFILE ! ! ! !
The man looks at her with a big question mark in his eyes "Well, Donna,
that sure is a BIG word for an 11 year-old!"
- Celeste
"Sarah" by The Star (father/daughter romance) 10, 10, 10
"Kimiko Dreams: Carol", by Deidre Ng (ff sex) 9, 8, 8
"Instant Romance" by Dafney Dewitt (con job) 9, 8, 8
"On the Air" by RC (hypnosis) 10, 9, 9
"Samantha and Brian" by Brian Foster (sexual initiation)
8, 9, 9
"Erotic Foolishness" by Renae Nicks (romance) 10, 5, 10
"Detention" by MD James (blackmailing a prude) 9, 9, 9
"A Cut of the Cards" by Anon747 (bondage) 8, 10, 10
"Complexities and Paradoxes" by Dimitri (sci fi sex) 9, 8, 9
"Minding Mike" by Paddy Toute (household hint) 10, 10, 10
"Seductions" by MrSpraycan (seduction & submission) 10, 6, 6
* "Pillow Fight" by Dulcinea (playful romance) 10, 9, 10
* "One of Those Days?" by Dulcinea (quickie in elevator)
10, 10, 10
* "The Party" by Dulcinea (quickie at the party)
10, 10, 10
* = Repost of a previous review (because the story has
recently been reposted)
"Sarah" by The Star (extar@hotmail.com). In this story a man survives an
automobile accident in which his beloved wife dies. He is nursed back
to health by his young adult daughter, who subsequently proclaims her
love for him, and they happily fall in love and have wonderful sex
together. I suppose some people would classify this story as incest,
but I have stubbornly insisted on labeling it a father/daughter romance.
Actually, according to both my American Heritage Unabridged Dictionary
and the laws in most of the western world, the activities described in
this story DO constitute incest - sexual relations between persons who
are so closely related that their marriage is illegal or forbidden by
custom.
As I have said in other reviews, I think there is a good reason for
society's general prohibition of incest. I can think of three good
reasons for this taboo. First, when the incest is between children and
adults there is almost always a strong possibility of inappropriate
coercion and exploitation of the child by the adult. For this reason
social scientists and the courts in most jurisdictions have few kind
words for adults who engage in incest with children. Second, there is a
possibility of genetic difficulties arising from "inbreeding." This
means that when some sort of problem is caused by a double recessive
gene combination, the problem would be more likely to occur when the
individuals who are producing a child would be closely related (because
siblings or parents, for example, are more likely than an unrelated
person to have the same recessive allele). Although I have taught
children whose retardation I have been told was the result of inbreeding
and although there are some famous studies of American families that
were noteworthy for their inbreeding, I am not really certain how
serious this problem is. This problem could obviously be overcome by
the simple expedient of using effective birth control. Finally, incest
could exert an undue pressure for people to narrow their range when
looking for spouses or permanent sexual partners. In other words, mommy
and her little boy should be able to love each other a lot, but society
(and the son) would probably be better off if mommy cuts the apron
strings and encourages him to seek sexual fulfillment somewhere else
besides in her arms.
Although most societies have long displayed the incest taboo, it was
Freud who invented the term Oedipus Complex to describe the urge of boys
to fall in love with their mothers and Electra Complex to describe the
similar urge of girls to develop a sexual attachment with their fathers.
Most developmental psychologists assume that children work through or
"resolve" these complexes as a part of their "normal" development.
Mister Rogers (of television fame) even sings a kiddie song about it.
But there's also a basic stupidity behind this taboo. For example, in
the original story of Oedipus (after whom the complex is named), Oedipus
grows up in exile, returns to his country, accidentally kills his father
(because he didn't know who the guy was when his father approached him
acting like a complete asshole), and then marries his mother (because
she was the widowed queen). Several years later, after lots of
unrecorded happy mutual orgasms, Oedipus suddenly finds out that his
wife his also his mother. My advice to Oedy would be something like
this: "It's too bad you killed your father, but it was his fault, not
yours. Your mother has loved you for twenty years and has somehow
avoided menopause. Your children have no noticeable genetic defects.
Get a grip. It's OK." Instead he gouges his eyes out, goes into exile,
and dies a miserable death. This same story appears frequently in
American soap operas and possibly in one of Bill and Ted's Excellent
Adventures.
The upshot of this discussion is that I think it makes sense to
speculate about the values of apparently incestuous relationships.
{It's also fun to challenge the biblical fundamentalists who both (1)
take the biblical story of creation literally and (2) denounce incest
with this question: "Since Adam and Eve had only sons, who was the
mother of their children?"} In real life I strongly recommend that my
husband leave my daughters alone. If he has sex with them, he will not
have to gouge his own eyes out: I'll perform that service for him. The
present story offers an interesting insight into this topic. Michael K.
Smith's "Dyad" (reviewed in CR 177) likewise does a good job.
Ratings for "Sarah"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Kimiko Dreams: Carol", by Deidre Ng (kimiko@unforgettable.com). I
haven't seen a new posting by Deidre Ng for a long time. This one was
sent to me by a person who had posted the story on her web site at
http://www.virtualchemy.com/Kimiko/. I am used to a more free-flowing,
spontaneous style from Deidre Ng. In this story she writes in very
simple, almost choppy sentences about two women going to a movie
together, holding hands, reaching orgasm, playing with cosmetics, and
reaching more orgasms. It's interesting stuff, but not in the category
with some of Deidre Ng's previous material.
Ratings for "Kimiko Dreams: Carol"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Instant Romance" by Dafney Dewitt (dafneydewitt@juno.com). In my
Honors English Class several years ago I had a lazy student who was the
scion of a wealthy family. The assignment was to write a short story,
and he turned in a short masterpiece entitled something like "The
Surprise." I recognized it immediately as a slightly modified version
of Saki's "The Open Window." Instead of accusing him of plagiarism, I
simply gave him an F and made up silly criticisms of the story -
describing it as shallow and unimaginative and accusing the author of
such foibles as "poor word choice" and "unimaginative imagery." It was
an exquisite form of torture. The kid knew I was full of baloney -
after all, the story was actually written by H.H. Munro (Saki), one of
the greatest authors of short stories in the English language. But he
couldn't say that to me or even tell anybody else, because to do so he
would have to admit that he had plagiarized the story.
The present story is also an adaptation of "The Open Window." The
author openly admits the connection; so this is NOT plagiarism. It's a
pretty good story, but a weak adaptation. If you've never read "The
Open Window" - or, for that matter, if a smart-assed English teacher
once gave you an F for plagiarizing it - you should dig that story out
from your old anthology or get it from the library and take a look at
it. The main feature that the original story possesses but the present
story lacks is the double whammy. In Saki's story a fiendishly clever
little girl scares the shit out of a simple-minded visitor by feeding
him a scenario about something that was supposed to have happened in the
past. The visitor accepts this lie as true, and then is horrified to
see the scene re-enacted before his eyes. He runs away in terror,
thinking he has seen a ghost. The little girl, of course, knew this
would happen. The family expresses wonderment over the visitor's sudden
departure, and with equal facility the little demon generates an equally
untrue story to explain why the guest ran away. Romance at short notice
was indeed her specialty. In the present story, a surprise visitor
simply "wings it" to have some fun with his sister's roommate. It's
fun, but nowhere near the level of sophistication of Saki's story.
I think there's huge potential to turn this and other classical short
stories into really sexy masterpieces. The present author has merely
taken a kernel of an idea and has omitted most of the original author's
insights - the ability of the little girl to build up in the mind of her
listener the irrational reaction which caused him to run out of the room
and then to explain his unnatural behavior through a second lie. If
anyone has the time, I'd love to see someone else take a shot at a sexy
version of this story line. There are many other possibilities - an x-
rated version of O. Henry's "The Ransom of Red Chief" or "The Gift of
the Magi"; a sexy rendition of Conrad's "The Secret Sharer"; any number
of Poe's stories. I would even proclaim another new contest, but
someone has pointed out to me that my current Third contest is actually
my Fourth. Life gets complicated when you get past eighteen....
Ratings for "Instant Romance"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"On the Air" by RC (74734.271@CompuServe.Com). Back during his college
days our narrator had been involved in a romantic liaison with a young
lady. As is commonly the case among technology geeks, this young man
had hypnotized his lover, and she had eagerly engaged in all manner of
wonderful things with him before she dumped him for a football
quarterback. Eventually she also dumped the jock and got religion, and
that's where the story begins. She's appearing on a TV show with an
evangelist, who is denouncing the evils of sex for pleasure. Well, as
you may easily imagine, the lady is still responsive to post-hypnotic
suggestions from strobe lights, which happen to be abundant and under
the control of the narrator; and before we know it, she's entering into
the Rapture in front of both live and filmed audiences.
Ratings for "On the Air"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Samantha and Brian" by Brian Foster (Mr. Double Repost). Remember the
old Dragnet shows, where Joe Friday used to read a lecture on Public
Safety in the context of a weekly television show? That's what this
story does: it offers a context for an essay or lecture on the harmful
effects of repressing childhood sexuality and the virtues of having a
warm adult gently introduce a child to the mysteries of her own body.
A lot of people comment to me that they enjoy this newsgroup "except for
the incest and pedophile stuff." Maybe these people should give the
"real perverts" a chance to present their case. This story makes
perfect sense to me - except, I guess, in real life maybe adults are
more likely to exploit little girls for their own gratification.
Ratings for "Samantha and Brian"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Erotic Foolishness" by Renae Nicks (RenaeNicks@aol.com). The woman has
broken up after a long relationship and has befriended a guy whose
girlfriend lives far away. Things start out platonic and cool, but they
warm up quickly. The main reason this story has received a low rating in
"plot and character" is because it's not complete. I hope this author
goes ahead and finishes a good story for us.
Ratings for "Erotic Foolishness"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Detention" by MD James (d2beast@aol.com). Ms. Jay is that polygon of
evil - er, paragon, I guess - the prudish English teacher who comes down
hard on innocent teenagers but inside is a boiling cauldron of illicit
lust. Ms. Jay inflicts one too many detentions on Our Hero, and he
really sticks it to her. It seems Ms. Jay has been boinking a City
Councilman. Our Hero has obtained evidence of this and uses that
information to blackmail, humiliate, and generally enjoy Ms Jay before
he gives her a stern warning and sends her on her way. I normally don't
approve of these things, but with prudish English teachers or
librarians, anything goes!
The author makes some minor but annoying mistakes in verb tenses and in
spelling. He obviously ran a spellcheck, which missed a few spelling
errors (e.g., "throws of passion" for "throes of passion") and which
brought to mind the following poem:
THE DEAN'S WORD PROCESSOR
(By Graduate School Dean Jerrold Zar)
I have a spelling checker,
It came with my PC.
It plane lee marks four my revue
Miss steaks aye can knot see.
Eye ran this poem threw it.
Your sure real glad two no.
Its very polished in its weigh,
My checker tolled me sew.
A checker is a blessing.
It freeze yew lodes of thyme.
It helps me right awl stiles two reed,
And aides me when aye rime.
Each frays come posed up on my screen
Eye trussed too bee a joule.
The checker pours o'er every word
To cheque sum spelling rule.
Bee fore a veiling checkers
Hour spelling mite decline,
And if we're laks oar have a laps,
We wood bee maid too wine.
Butt now bee cause my spelling
Is checked with such grate flare,
There are know faults with in my cite,
Of nun eye am a wear.
Now spelling does not phase me,
I does knot bring a tier.
My pay purrs awl due glad den
With wrapped words fare as hear.
To rite with care is quite a feet
Of witch won should be proud,
And wee mussed dew the best wee can,
Sew flaws are knot aloud.
Sow ewe can sea why aye dew prays
Such soft wear four pea seas,
And why eye brake in two averse
Buy righting want too please.
Ratings for "Detention"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"A Cut of the Cards" by Anon747 (Anon747@aol.com). I possibly know as
much about sex stories as anybody in the world. I mean, I have reviewed
something like 1577 of them; and you would think by now I would at least
have an idea who all the good writers are. Not true! Not even close!
Recently I was politely denounced by an author who wondered what it took
to get me to read his stories. I read one, and it was excellent! Then
the present author sent me this story along with her web site address
(http://members.aol.com/Anon747/index2.html). The story was very good,
and the web site is loaded with other good stories that I had never
heard of and cross references to other sites, most of which I have never
visited.
This is crazy. By my calculations, in order to keep abreast of matters
I would have to read stories almost constantly from sunrise to sunset.
I would have no time to seduce anyone; at the most I might have time to
let my husband crawl under my desk and eat me out while I read a story.
I would be so busy that I would say "abreast" without even adding <g>.
I would probably get aroused by all kinds of things that would remind me
of these stories - baseball players and cops with tight asses, checkout
girls who are possibly not wearing underpants, students who are probably
fantasizing about my pussy.... Life would be crazy. The upside is that
I would probably figure out how to do mind control, and I could possibly
use this information to become rich or control the world or something.
But I don't know. I think I'd miss the simple things of life - like
correcting student papers, seducing my husband, getting and giving hand
jobs - the things that the simple folk do in "Camelot."
Anyway, in this story the man and his wife draw cards. He gets the low
card. I'm not really sure whether this means he won or lost, but the
result is that he gets to decide WHAT they do, but she gets to determine
HOW they do it. He decides he wants to watch her make love with a
woman, but she decides he will be tied up while she does so. It's a
good story!
Ratings for "A Cut of the Cards"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Complexities and Paradoxes" by Dimitri (dimitri@ihug.co.nz). The gang
from Star Trek are returning through space or hyperspace or maybe
traveling through time. I don't know enough about what they are doing
to know what they are doing. That sounds like a complexity or paradox;
and if you can understand what I said, maybe you are ready for this
story. This story takes place within the last 30 seconds of the movie
"Star Trek: First Contact." However, that doesn't mean that the action
takes only 30 seconds; trekkies travel through time, space, and each
other according to laws that actually make sense to people imbued with
the culture.
I really do think this is probably a good Star Trek story. It doesn't
have all that much sex in it, but it does include an humanoid dildo and
the aphorism, "I'll scratch your cunt, you scratch mine."
As a result of several stories like this, I have begun to enjoy Star
Trek more than before. This superficial familiarity leads to practical
problems. I was recently at a party with some engineers and they were
discussing Picard and Troi or something like that. Years ago I would
have ignored such creatures, because I would have had no idea what they
were talking about. This time I easily followed the conversation and
almost joined in - which would have been a grave faux pas, since my
knowledge is seriously tainted by a.s.s. stories of Picard and Troi
doing things together that have never occurred on TV or in any of the
movies - at least not without resorting to time warps.
I liked this story. I think a person who is really familiar with the
whole Star Trek saga would enjoy it even more.
Ratings for "Complexities and Paradoxes"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Minding Mike" by Paddy Toute (Paddy22@aol.com). Most local newspapers
have a self-help column - "Hints for the Happy Homemaker" or "Tool Time"
or something like that - what to do when an unusual problem occurs.
Personally, I just use the World Wide Web, but I'm not sure what search
words I'd use on the Excite Search Engine for the problem presented in
this story. It's an ordinary problem. I have encountered it myself
several times when I have been asked to baby-sit for a neighborhood
teenager who has been in an accident and has to go to the bathroom but
he can't get out of bed and his fingers are so thoroughly wrapped in
bandages that he can't aim his own pecker into the bottle that he keeps
under the bed for such emergencies. That's not the problem, of course:
anyone who can think and chew gum at the same time can handle that part
easily enough <g>. The problem occurs when the helper helps the helpee
put the penis inside the narrowing opening of the bottle but the
helpee's little weenie for whatever reason becomes engorged with blood
and increases in girth to the extent that it presses firmly against the
sides of the bottle, thus inhibiting both intinction and removal. Now
there's a problem that could easily get out of hand!
The nice thing about this story is that the author knows when to stop.
Ratings for "Minding Mike"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Seductions" by MrSpraycan (mrspraycan.an@edtec.com). So far I've seen
"Seductions 1 and 2," which are part of "An Unnamed Work In Progress."
The story has some erotic parts to it, but it seems to go nowhere -
unless you think that just having sex is a plot. Of course, the problem
is that the story isn't complete. I guess maybe I should have waited
till the story was finished before reviewing it. The author seems to
write very well: maybe it will be eventually be a really good story.
Ratings for "Seductions"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 6
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 6
* "Pillow Fight" by Dulcinea (ImDulcinea@aol.com). This was one of the
first stories I ever reviewed - back in CR 2. It's the kind of romantic
story I'd like to write myself. I guess that's because this is the kind
of life I'd like to live myself. Dulcinea does a good job making a
woman wish this were happening to her. This is a playful story with
nothing kinky - just good, hot passion. Way to go, Dulcinea!
Ratings for "Pillow Fight"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "One of Those Days?" by Dulcinea (ImDulcinea@aol.com). It's one of
those days. The elevator is packed with wall to wall people; it's going
to be uncomfortable. But then the sexy lady he just noticed in the
restaurant is being forced back against Adam; and - wouldn't you know it
- his cock decides not to remain quiescent. It's one of those days.
Noticing his tumescence, Tami suggests that they introduce themselves.
"Madam I'm Adam," he replies; and she responds "Able was I ere I saw
Elba." That's not exactly what they said, but I've always wanted to
write two palindromes in a single sentence. Well, anyway, if everyone
adapted this well to overcrowding, we'd be a lot less concerned about
the population explosion. It's a sexy story.
Ratings for "One of Those Days?"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "The Party" by Dulcinea (ImDulcinea@aol.com). The officer's wife is
bored with the party. She slips away to the master bedroom and soon one
of the officers meets her there for a romantic romp before they rejoin
the others. Dulcinea's stories are simple and sweet, and sometimes
that's very nice.
Ratings for "The Party"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10