Celestial Reviews 171 - April 9, 1997
Note: I'm finally catching up on some stories that I received at a time
when I was experiencing technical difficulties. If I review your story,
you may want to repost it, so that readers can find it more easily. If
you have trouble finding a story, try www.dejanews.com. Also, if you
sent me a story and I failed to review it, send me a reminder. I
probably still have the story, but I need you to nudge me to dig it out.
Second Note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my
stories for me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
"June's First" by Mike Hunt (storytelling with a twist)
10, 10, 10
"'F' is for Face" by Dulcinea (facial) 10, 10, 10
"The Doctor" by MataHhari (sex with the doc) 10, 8, 8
"My Aural Orgy" by Lucy (ad for phone sex) 9, 9, 10
"Math Anxiety" by James Green (hypnosis) 5, 6, 6
"The Ring of Heaven" by Summer's Rose (romance) 10, 10, 10
"Perverse Miracles" by Zilber (cross-age ff romance) 10, 10, 10
"The English Teacher" by Uncle Jake (adolescent fantasy) 9.5, 9, 9
"Cathy and Christy's Striptease Adventure" by Holly (voyeurism
at a strip club) 9, 10, 10
"Lucid Dreamer" by Delta (dream control) 10, 8, 10
"Shack, Lead!" by Frederick T. (military sex) 9, 9, 10
"Acquired" by Unknown Author (sex slavery) 8, 5, 1
"The Picnic" by Sarlim (outdoor sex) 10, 9, 9
"The Supermarket" by Dave Wallace (punishment) 10, 10, 10
"Her First, My Best" by Unknown Author (cherry popping) 9, 9, 9
"The Darkroom" by Mike Hunt (sex in the darkroom) 10, 10, 10
"My Spring Break - a Retrospective" by David Rosenfield (diary
of a lunatic) 9, 6, 8
"Break Time" by Dulcinea (computer break) 10, 8, 10
* "Computer Fun" by Dulcinea (on-line sex) 10, 10, 10
* = Repost of a previous review (because the story has
recently been reposted)
"June's First" by Mike Hunt (M1KE HUNT@aol.com). June is the name of
Mike Hunt's wife. Mike Hunt is an anatomical pun, but in this story
we'll focus on him as the narrator, who tells the story through the eyes
of his wife, who wear's pajamas, which is something I haven't done in
over ten years except when I'm staying at my in-laws' house - and
sometimes on sleepovers with teenagers.
Anyway, Mike Hunt is telling this story about June's first time having
sex (hence, the eponymous title). It was with a person named Riley
O'Reilly, and it wasn't until halfway through the story I discovered
that Riley is a girl. Imagine my consternation. On the other hand,
Mike Hunt, who was writing the story, didn't find this out until that
same moment, so imagine Mike Hunt's dismay! And confusion! And June
was giving Mike Hunt a blowjob under the table while she was dictating
the story to him. Mike Hunt was getting a little bit testy. There's a
pun in that previous sentence, but I'm not sure the author knew or
cared.
To summarize: June (in the story within the story) is grabbing Riley's
tit. Riley (also in the story within the story) is fingering June's
cunt. June (in the story) is blowing Mike Hunt under the table, while
Mike Hunt is writing this story. My cunt is getting a pleasant feeling
(while I am reading this story), but I am laughing My Ass off. My
Husband is looking at me as he walks through the room. He's used to
this. He'll get his later.
"Gmmft. Plivvm. Gravnntfz." Somebody is about to come. I'm not sure
who. It could be any one of three or four people - maybe all of us.
You'll have to read the story yourself. It's delightful - one of the
most enjoyable tidbits to come from Mike Hunt in quite a while.
P.S. The story also includes Mike Hunt's FAQ.
Ratings for "June's First"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"'F' is for Face" by Dulcinea (ImDulcinea@aol.com). The man is musing
about the possible unattractiveness of his face, and his wife playfully
lets him make a deposit all over her own face. Dulcinea often writes
playful, romantic stories, and this is one of her best.
Ratings for "'F' is for Face"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"The Doctor" by MataHhari (MataHhari@aol.com). The female patient has
unusual symptoms. She has a feeling of a sort of emptiness in her
stomach that seems to be alleviated when the doctor touches her breasts
and does other things like that. She's so innocent that the doctor just
can't help himself. This is a nice story, but I guessed the surprise
ending pretty easily.
Ratings for "The Doctor"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"My Aural Orgy" by Lucy (lmdayton@bc.sympatico.ca). Like most of you, I
get annoyed by the incessant ads that clutter up a.s.s. and especially
a.s.s.d. I don't even pause as I skim past "Please Please Me" and
"Lesbian Lick-Off." I don't even care "How Wet and Wild Can Hardcore
Porn Get." Neither the "Sweet Young Thang" nor the "Girls Guaranteed to
Please" catch my attention. The "XXX Free Trial Time" has little appeal,
and I doubt that "Michael Jordan Subscribe's to Erotic Box Office."
While I have no doubt that "From behind her, bi and nude 19 year old"
really is beautiful, I have little time to "Scratch and Sniff" anyone
who is "Ready and Willing." I guess I'm not really "Looking For Live
Kinky Fun."
Deep in my heart, I suspect that these ads are posted by working girls
or their bosses, seeking a part of the American Dream - or perhaps a
part of the Offshore Unregulated Telephone Dream. Of course, I would
prefer that alt.sex.stories actually contain stories and that
alt.sex.stories.d actually contain discussions of stories, but the world
is an imperfect place; and the Internet, as we know, borders on anarchy.
At least I appreciate the fact that these spam ads look like spam and
are so easy to ignore.
Occasionally someone sneaks one past me. The present story is an
example. I thought it was a story, but it's really an ad. Hot Lucy has
posted a come-on. We read part of the story, and then she offers to
read the rest to us in person if we give her a call. Even though I
realized this was an ad, I decided to go ahead and review it. My hope
was that Lucy would reveal herself to be a bimbo, and I could make fun
of her. Au contraire, mon frere! This is actually the first part of a
good story.
I don't know Lucy's whole story. It's possible that she's a frumpy old
fat lady who chews gum while she engages in phone sex by reading stories
prepared for her by her computer-geek pimp who adapts the stuff from
material he gets through reviews posted on an Internet newsgroup. There
may be a whole roomful of Lucies in a boiler room, picking their scabs
while they change tampons and make crude faces at their coworkers and
read the scripts written in a language that they can't even understand.
But I think not. I prefer to take Lucy at face value. I think she's a
sweet college kid who gives great head and who got into a contest with
her equally sweet roommate over who could give the best blowjobs and
decided to tell part of the story through this newsgroup and part of it
through some other source - perhaps to accumulate funds in order to pay
for the trophy for their contest. In fact, I think it's distinctly
possible that Lucy reads these stories for free as a public service to
blind people who would otherwise not be able to learn about the
wonderful events of which she speaks.
I assume it costs $3.00 per minute to hear Lucy read the rest of this
story to you, and I'll bet she has several more equally authentic
stories on file. I doubt that you'll hear the rest of this story for
less than thirty bucks, but I expect she'll take a credit card. The
other stories I review are free. You make the choice.
Ratings for "My Aural Orgy"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Math Anxiety" by James Green (UYFZ78A@prodigy.com). Jason has been
studying algebra and geometry with Julie. When he's leaving for the
night, Mrs. Rhoades calls him aside and asks him how the "studing" has
been going. In Freudian psychology, this is known as ambiguous
disclosure. Mrs. Rhoades has been driven by her id tp omit a letter
between the "d" and the "ing." If it's a "y" that's missing, the
question is academic. If the missing letter is a second "d," then the
question has more to do with either animal husbandry or unresolved
Oedipal feelings.
Well, it turns out that Mrs. Rhoades herself studs hypnosis. She gets
Jason interested, and he thinks maybe he'd like to stud with her. When
they stud together, Jason becomes "horney"; and then they stud some
more.
What I've always wondered is this: If the person uses a first-person
frame of reference to tell a story about being hypnotized, how is the
narrator supposed to remember the story in order to tell it? I mean, if
he was hypnotized, wouldn't he forget it? Especially since she tells
him to forget and he "blinks out."
It turns out that Julie is a conspirator with her mother. She uses
geometry and that other math stuff to wear down the minds of the kids
she studs with, and that sets them up to be easy prey for her mother,
who is a sex pervert. I've always suspected a connection between
geometry and mental deterioration and sexual perversion; but this is the
first story that has stated the case so succinctly.
Ratings for "Math Anxiety"
Athena (technical quality): 5
Venus (plot & character): 6
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 6
"The Ring of Heaven" by Summer's Rose (SumersRose@aol.com). This is
another of this author's romantic stories of sweet seduction. I suppose
this sort of thing could get boring - but not yet.
Ratings for "The Ring of Heaven"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Perverse Miracles" by Zilber (zilber@poboxes.com). The young lesbian
woman is invited to meet her lover's mother. Since she's not really all
that fond of her lover anyway, she hesitates to go; but then she finds
herself strongly attracted to the mother, who up to this time had
considered herself to be "straight." When the two young lovers break
up, the young woman takes up with her friend's mother, and the
relationship becomes extremely sensuous. This is a fun-filled treatment
of a cross-age romance.
Ratings for "Perverse Miracles"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"The English Teacher" by Uncle Jake (ek972@po.cwru.edu). Mr. Smith is
an English teacher who loves his work. He takes pride in the
accomplishments of his students - especially of Stacie, a lovely young
lady who plans to become a massage therapist after graduation. After
class Stacie locks the door and gives Mr. Smith an especially sensuous
massage.
This is a nice story, but it's a bit unrealistic. First, English
teachers don't do things like this. Second, people who write stories
about English teachers should use impeccable grammar - for example, they
should know the difference between "lie" and "lay." But as an
adolescent fantasy, this is a nice story.
Ratings for "The English Teacher"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Cathy and Christy's Striptease Adventure" by Holly (Kansica@aol.com).
Who goes to those "Gentlemen's Clubs" that are springing up all over the
country? Well, gentlemen, of course - and teachers. But teachers don't
go to clubs in their own cities. They're afraid their students (or
someone worse!) will catch them there, and so teachers wait until they
go to a meeting at least a hundred miles away from home - preferably a
thousand miles - and then they sneak into a strip joint just to see what
goes on there.
I have done this a couple of times. My overwhelming reaction has been
one of disappointment: the drinks are ridiculously overpriced and the
dancers are not all that great. I found the few places that I visited to
be populated by sad young girls who were really hustling to make a few
dollars and who were more preoccupied with their children at home than
with any excitement they might find with the male clientele. They also
tend to chew gum while they dance. I had a lot of trouble enjoying my
visits, because these kids seemed like real human beings who were being
exploited.
But that's not the way it is in this story! This story is about the
type of things I wanted to see when I slithered into a strip joint with
my husband. The girls are hot, and they're eager to give sideshows to
interested spectators. In short, the fantasy is much hotter than the
reality. This was a very sexy story.
I have received a "Second Adventure" (labeled "Peepshow Adventure"), and
I get the impression that more are coming. The second takes place in a
video arcade, with cocks sticking through the holes in the wall. I
liked the first one a lot better. Sometimes I think authors get stuck
on one idea and persist at it, when they would be better advised to
simply start a new story line.
Ratings for "Cathy and Christy's Striptease Adventure"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Lucid Dreamer" by Delta (delta@bc.sympatico.ca). Robert is a guy with
a physical disability, and his limp has impaired his capacity to hit it
off with interesting women. Other than that, he is a normal guy who
likes to hang out with his friends at a bar. He also has a crush on a
woman whom he observes from a bus. And most important (for this story,
that is), he has been trying to take control of his dreams. He wants to
have "lucid dreams"; that is, he wants to become conscious of when he is
dreaming and deliberately let the dreams go where he wants them to go.
I think. The story is a "work in progress." Right now, it's incomplete
- hence my "low" rating for plot and character. My hope is that the
author will finish this story, and the rating will go up. I can dream,
can't I?
I have some theories of my own about dreams. First, I have discovered
that my own dreams aren't all that interesting. These stories, for
example, are usually a lot more interesting than my dreams. I used to
think my dreams were interesting, and once I decided (like Robert in
this story) to write down my really good ones. For this purpose I kept
a notepad by my bed. I had a really great dream one night, and I jotted
down some notes. Since it was a sexy dream, I cut the notes short and
cuddled up against my husband's ass, hoping to get back into the dream.
I drifted orgasmically back to sleep. The next morning at breakfast I
remembered my dream. Knowing that I could write a best-selling novel
based on that dream, I rushed back to the bedroom and retrieved the
notepad. The notes easily enabled me to recall the entire dream. It
was one of the stupidest stories I had ever heard of - even worse than
some of the ones my sister-in-law has described at the dinner table.
Within a week I discovered that MOST of my dreams became inane under
close scrutiny. The dreams were often really fun to have, but that must
have because in my sleepy stupor I focused on key details and ignored
fairly obvious inconsistencies. My dreams simply did not have complete
and coherent plots; they fell apart under even superficial analysis. In
addition, they reeked of plagiarism. Since the critical examinations
were ruining my dream-sex-life, I threw the notepad away.
Second, I believe that the psychological "importance" of dreams is
overrated. Freud may have been a bright guy, but most dreams are not
worth "interpreting." I find that my dreams are just as likely to be
influenced by what's on television while I sleep, by noises outside my
window, and by what I read as by "subconscious feelings" that can give
any meaning to my life. My dreams are especially likely to be
influenced by a pair of lips or a tongue on the right part of my anatomy
during the hour or so before I am scheduled to wake up; but it doesn't
require psychoanalysis to figure out why this is so.
Third, I have tried something similar to what Robert does in this story.
I have this personality flaw called a conscience that prohibits me from
doing some really neat things - like making love to my husband's best
friend, eating the pussy of one of the women I teach with, and engaging
in a gangbang with some attractive and athletic people. I don't object
to having this conscience rule my life; I honestly believe that bad
things would happen in real life if I just threw aside my moral code of
conduct. But what pisses me off is that this conscience runs not only
my real life, but also my dream-life.
Last week, for example, I was out jogging in the early morning with my
husband, when we came upon a blue-eyed blond in a really sexy body suit.
She was lying by the side of a beautiful lake, masturbating. When she
noticed us, she moaned, gave a come-hither look that brought my
husband's cock to attention, and invited us to join her. Then I found
myself saying, "No, we shouldn't do this." My husband replied, "Why
not?". My cunt got this really warm feeling, and I said to myself, "I
think I'm dreaming." Then I continued, "If this is a dream, I can go
ahead...." But then the mere fact that I was thinking that it might be
a dream caused me to awaken from the dream.
Fortunately, my husband is great about things like this. He has given
me permission to cuddle up to him and bang away whenever I feel the
urge. He doesn't even care whether I awaken him or not, and I can
include anyone I want in my fantasies. Just once I'd like to go ahead
with the original dream; but the first time I do that, I'm certain I'll
discover that it wasn't a dream after all.
See what I mean? The analysis of my dreams can get really boring.
Anyway, maybe Delta will finish this story, and I can find a way out of
my dilemma. I can dream, can't I?
Ratings for "Lucid Dreamer"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Shack, Lead!" by Frederick T. (an19164@anon.nymserver.com). This is a
story about military sex - which is not all that different from
missionary sex <g>. In other words: none of the characters contract
sexually transmitted diseases; nobody has bad breath; nobody gets
pregnant unless they want to; few of the characters have any sexual
inhibitions or hang-upss, and if they do, they quickly lose them;
everyone always has an orgasm; and all the people live happily ever
after, except those who get killed to add interest to the plot. Gary
(nicknamed Wildman) is trying to find himself as he begins a tame,
stateside assignment that will lead up to his retirement from the Air
Force. Flashbacks cover his very hot sexual activities, mostly in the
South Pacific during the conflicts of the general Vietnam era.
The author seems to know the details of military life, and he makes
military sex seem realistic. At the present time the story is
incomplete. In fact, the title makes no sense at all: the only time the
word "Shack" appears is in the title. The story also makes reference to
a character named Willy Tamarack. There's a series of stories on a.s.s.
about this person, but I have yet to read them. Having Willy appear in
this story is apparently akin to having Tom Sawyer appear in Huckleberry
Finn - only at a different level of sophistication. Overall, this is a
very good story that is likely to continue to be extremely sexy.
Ratings for "Shack, Lead!"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Acquired" by Unknown Author. I'm not sure where I got this story. I
think it came as an attached file from an author, but that author did
not put his/her name on the story itself.
Mary has made her decision. She will give herself to Pam as her slave.
Pam has promised Mary that she will come to love it. She will feel more
fulfilled than she can ever imagine. It's all very convenient; Pam even
has a dungeon for a basement, in which she already keeps her slave
husband, whose name is Rod. As time passes Mary is subjected to extreme
forms of degradation and turns into an animal whose only purpose is to
serve and amuse her mistress. The language is moderately literate, but
I just don't see the point of this story.
Ratings for "Acquired"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 1
"The Picnic" by Sarlim (Sarlim@aol.com). The protagonist is a college
kid working as a cook at a restaurant. Candy is a sexually attractive
waitress in an unhappy open marriage. Having no experience with
seduction, the guy has no idea how to broach that subject. At the age
of 21, he is still a virgin - the kind of guy most girls think of as
their brother - easy to talk to, but not so easy to screw. Just the
kind of guy my daughters need to meet!
To make a long story short, although liquor may be quicker, Candy is
dandy.
They went on a picnic. Fill in the blanks: She lowered her head to his
exposed ______ and ran her ______ down the underside of his ______. The
sensation of her ______ sent shivers through his body. When she took
the head into her mouth, using her ______ on its tip, he surely thought
he would lose control.... She ground their ______ together as he filled
her with his ______ until he could feel it running back down his ______
to cover his ______ with their mingled ______.
Eventually, they clean up and pack their picnic gear for the return trip
into town. As a postscript they plan an over-the-hill party for his
30th birthday.
Ratings for "The Picnic"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"The Supermarket" by Dave Wallace. This story is a modern morality
tale, focusing on that most dastardly of modern villains, the customer
who goes through the express checkout line at the supermarket with too
many lines, and the even more villainous person, the cashier who permits
this impropriety. To make a long story short, each receives 50 swats to
the naked buttocks from sturdy security guards. In addition, customers
or store personnel wishing to fondle or abuse the cashier after the
completion of her correction are encouraged to do so. Of course, the
narrator of the story cums in his pants in tandem with the final stroke
against the gyrating buttocks of the erotic victims.
"That'll be fifty-six forty. Sir? Are you okay? You must have
been day dreaming, huh?" Ooops! It didn't really happen. But as the
narrator looks down in embarrassment at the moist spot in his tented
pants that is also the focus of the cashier's gaze, he realizes that at
least some of it DID happen.
I don't know if this is the right solution, but somebody really SHOULD
do something about those people that go through the express lane with
too many items!
Ratings for "The Supermarket"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Her First, My Best" by Unknown Author (THC Archive). This was listed
as "Ebony Confessions Vol. 2." J. B. is a young white guy, working in a
plant in the Southern U.S., who is mutually smitten with a young black
lady named Rachel. She offers her virgin body to him in the stockroom.
It's a nice story, except for one thing: white men who want to proclaim
their enduring love for females of African ancestry should not call them
"negresses."
Ratings for "Her First, My Best"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"The Darkroom" by Mike Hunt (M1KE HUNT@aol.com). This is a sequel to
"The Photographer," during which Mike Hunt took pictures of his lovely
neighbor and then fucked her from behind while she gave her husband a
blowjob. Now he's developing the photographs, which is hard work <g>.
Now Krystal has come over to see the photos, and she's going down to the
darkroom with Mike Hunt to see what develops <g>. There's a lot of
double entendre in this story, if you know what I mean. Actually, if
examining proofs was what Mike Hunt had in mind, they could have looked
at the pictures in the kitchen. But it's hot in the darkroom, and
taking clothes off and chugging wine is a great way to cool down while
looking at sexy photos.... Then Krystal realizes that although Mike Hunt
has all those pictures of her, she has never really seen HIM, and so....
Well, you get the picture <g>. This is another very sexy story.
Ratings for "The Darkroom"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"My Spring Break - a Retrospective" by David Rosenfield
(rosenfie@students.wisc.edu). This is a diary of the spring break
activities of a modern college student from the midwestern part of the
United States. It is all true, he says - except for the parts about
people being naked. Things get rather precarious during spring break;
for example, one night in Oberlin (Ohio) the folks who were staying at
the same place he was staying left without him, not knowing that he
didn't have a map to get back to their place that they had only gone to
once in the dark. Also someone else took his clothes that night, so he
had nothing to wear, either. I'm not sure whether that part about the
clothes was true.
The main reason to read this story is to get over the sense of awe that
many people have for today's college students.
Ratings for "My Spring Break"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 6
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Break Time" by Dulcinea (ImDulcinea@aol.com). This is one of
Dulcinea's shortest short stories. The man needs a break from the
computer, and the wife supplies some sexy action, while the gremlins go
away from the computer. This is a useful recipe for electronic success.
Ratings for "Break Time"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
* "Computer Fun" by Dulcinea (ImDulcinea@aol.com). The man signs onto
the computer at work and is surprised to find a flag for his on-line
chat partner. In response to his first comment, she replies "I can
picture you sitting at your desk in your little cubicle, typing into
your notebook. Can you picture me, sitting here at home in front of my
PC, wearing nothing but a sheet?" Interesting set-up! What's a guy to
say? "What color sheet?" The plot thickens.
Dulcinea has written several of these very hot, very short stories.
Like many of the others, this one doesn't have a complete plot; but it
warms things up nicely.
Ratings for "Computer Fun"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10