Celestial Reviews 84 - May 15, 1996
Note: Irony can be a thing of beauty. This evening, while I was
posting CR 83, I scanned a.s.s. for interesting stories and messages.
I found one message that stated there were no good stories on a.s.s.
Then I found another (apparently unrelated) message listing the 10 Best
Writers on a.s.s. As I looked at that list, I recognized only a few of
the names; but if all I knew about a.s.s. was the work of the authors
listed there, I myself would conclude that there were no good stories
on a.s.s.
Actually, there are numerous excellent stories on a.s.s. The problem
is finding them among all the truly inane garbage that also fills space
in the postings. I think my reviews can be helpful; but a serious
problem is that many of the stories disappear from the postings before
a person knows about them through my reviews. There’s no easy way to
solve that problem. The two best strategies are these: (1) Authors can
repost their stories when they see them in my reviews. Many authors do
this, and readers appreciate this assistance. (2) Readers should
consider getting a better gateway to the newsgroup. I’ll admit that my
service, America Online, has some problems; but at least I can find
nearly all the stories that are posted on a.s.s., and they stay in my
postings for about ten days. Other services seem to list only a few of
the stories and/or to delete them from their postings after only a day
or two.
Another possible solution is for me to post a list of “excellent
authors.” I have done this in the past, and I’ll do it again now. I
realize I am going to hurt someone’s feelings by leaving him/her off
this list, and I’m sorry about that. By putting a name on this list, I
am stating that I think readers can safely select almost any story by
that author and find a literate treatment of a topic related to sex.
Here’s the list (arranged alphabetically):
A. Van Peebles
Ann Douglas
Backrub
Bazarov
BEAR
BillyG
Celeste (C'est moi!)
D.A. Ignatius (DarkNites)
Dafney Dewitt
Damya
deirdre (Sherwood Anderson)
Delta
Dirty Dawg (Dawson Rambo)
DJ810
Dorvis Slaughter
Dr. Watson
Ed Stauff
Elf Sternberg
Erostos
Estragon
Friar Dave
Gina Marie
Green Onions
Jackie
Javahead
Jonathan Dzoba
Linda B.
Lori Grenci
Lysander
Mark Aster (Allen Sisters Stories)
Mercury
Michael K. Smith
Michelle Lurker
Ng Sisters (Deidre & Tammy)
Patrick Donovan
Peter V. Principle
Rajah Dodger
Ramapo
Rocket88
Rondu
Santo J. Romeo (Author of Martha Jane)
smoot2
Spook
Stephanie
SueNH (also WithSue)
TEX
Tom in Sacramento
Vickie Tern
Walter Slaven
Wollstonecraft
Arranging these authors alphabetically was itself an interesting
experience. It had never occurred to me that listing authors
alphabetically BY FIRST NAME would make sense; but when almost all
authors are using pseudonyms, that seemed to be the best approach!
Here’s a second list. These are authors with whom I am not as familiar
as I am with those on the first list. By putting a name on this list, I
am stating that I think readers can _probably_ select a story by that
author and find a good story. Undoubtedly some of these authors write
stories that are even better than those by authors on the first list;
maybe they’ll move up to the other list the next time I do this.
Calloway
Daniel Shechori
Dave Schulte
Eli the Bearded
Frank McCoy
Grimbo
Horangi
Horny Toad
I Robert
J.M.
James Dawson
Joe Parsons
Jon Hallmark
Jordan Shelbourne
Kid Dynamite
M Smith
M.M. Twassel
Mickey
Morpheus' Twin
Nom de Plume
Observer
Of 2 minds
R.C.
Rainman
Richard Baudouin
Roger T Pipe
Rojack
SexySailor
Shelby Bush
Solo Polyphony
Steve Black
Timer
TropicCool
TruthHurts
Walter Fortner
Zhong
I am absolutely certain that I will offend someone by my posting of
these lists. Please try to get over it. If your name or the name of a
favorite author is not on this list, assume that I made a mistake. If
you send me suggestions, I probably will not apologize; but I may add
suggested names to future lists.
In addition, names on a.s.s. are an inexact science. I suspect I have
listed a few people twice - under different aliases. In addition,
there are no doubt writers other than the ones to whom I intended to
refer who post with names very similar to those on my lists. For
example, there is another author named Celeste, who I understand is
almost my equal in the sack, but doesn’t write as well as I do - or is
it vice versa?
It would be helpful to readers if the authors would put their names in
the title line of the posting. A minor adjustment like that may make
it possible for readers to find your stories.
Second note: Consider writing a short note to the author of a story
that you like. The authors do not get paid for contributing to this
newsgroup. The authors need reader response not so much to boost their
egos as just to know somebody is out there reading. If you appreciate
the authors efforts, tell them about it. Likewise, if you’re concerned
about helping them avoid eternal damnation....
Third note: A belated Happy Mother’s Day to all you mothers out there!
Look up “mother” in an unabridged dictionary. In addition to the
traditional, expected definitions, you’ll find definitions that fit
these sentences:
“The stupid mother wanted nothing but sex all day!
“The dildo she strapped on herself was one huge mother!”
“I had the mother of all orgasms this morning!”
Aren’t metaphors wonderful? Notice that maternal metaphors often merit
an exclamation point.
- Celeste
“A Day on the Bay” by Joe Parsons (sex on a boat & mild
bondage) 10, 10, 10
“Under the Table” by DOLFAN353 (exhibitionism & wife
watching) 10, 10, 10
“Study Break” by D.A. Ignatius (dreamlike sex) 10, 8, 10
*"Terri's Dilemma" by The Observer (romance) 10, 10, 10
*“Catty Corner” by SueNH (voyeurism) 10, 10, 10
**“Across the Catty Corner (voyeurism) 10, 10, 10
“Reflection” by D.A. Ignatius (dreamlike sex) 10, 8, 10
“Sex in a Birthday Suit” by The Creator (sexy celebration)
7, 7, 7
“Sex, Proposals and ESPN” by The Creator (sex & basketball)
7, 7, 7
“Library of Congress” by Mark Aster (sex in the library)
10, 10, 10
“Masterbation (sic) for an English Professor” by
QuantmLady (masturbation) 3, 5, 7
* Repost of a previous review (because the story has been
reposted)
** Repost of a previous review (because a story to which it
is related has been reposted)
“A Day on the Bay” by Joe Parsons (jmp@cyber-mall.com). The woman gets
knocked overboard and is then rescued by the skipper of the craft.
They are the only two on board. Since she might experience
hypothermia, he undresses her and puts her into a dry sleeping bag. To
share his warmth with her, he gets naked himself and climbs in with
her. Eventually she expresses her gratitude to the skipper for saving
her life, and then the ship's captain expresses his gratitude to her
for expressing her gratitude. This is a very good story - especially
for nautical people and for Baywatch fans - who will, of course, insert
themselves and their favorite characters into the story line.
Ratings for “A Day on the Bay”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
“Under the Table” by DOLFAN353 (dolfan353@aol.com). Charles has been
having trouble with his fiancee. He is discussing the matter with the
beautiful woman who has agreed to have lunch with him. "Did you ever
hear of such a thing?" Charles says, while driving to the restaurant.
"For two years we've had great sex. Now she wants to play this virgin
thing and pretend that our wedding night will be our first time. I hope
you don't think I am being too personal with you. It's just that you're
pretty easy to talk to and I need a woman's perspective on this."
They go to a quiet Italian restaurant, where they get an isolated
table. Sally seduces him and gives him a discreet, five-minute hand-
job under the table. Fortunately, Sally has already received her
husband’s permission to do this, as long as she tells him about it
afterwards. The author concludes with a postscript asking to hear what
women think of this story. This woman thought it was a very sexy. In
real life I would LIKE to do something like this, but I won’t - because
other real people would be involved and would probably be hurt. On the
other hand, I really don’t think I’m a prude in this regard. I
actually HAVE done almost exactly what this story says, only my husband
was the other person at the table and I simply played the role of a
very hot former coworker of his. No harm, no foul!
Ratings for “Under the Table”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
“Study Break” by D.A. Ignatius (Darknites) (jash@kuhub.cc.ukans.edu).
Parts of this vignette will be familiar to any college student. The
guy has been studying long and hard for the impossible course. At 2:00
a.m. he takes a break and lies down on his bed and closes his eyes for
just a minute before continuing. Suddenly, he realizes he has drifted
off to sleep; but he is no longer alone. Warm lips surround his cock.
Etc. Was this all a dream? But then how would he explain the silver
ring on the bedside table by his clock?
Parts of this vignette will be familiar to almost all college students
- in their dreams!
Ratings for “Study Break”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
*"Terri's Dilemma" by The Observer (lsummers@onramp.onramp.net). This
author has revised and reposted this story. The least I can do is
acknowledge the improvements by repeating the review. The narrator has
been keeping company with Terri as a sort of favor to the family. Her
boyfriend is in the army, and somebody has to hang out with her. The
story opens with Terri giving the narrator a ferocious slap for no good
reason. He responds with a grim determination to take the bitch home
and dump her for good. However, as every British schoolgirl knows,
when a girl slaps a guy for no discernible reason, it's because she
loves him. And if the recipient of the aggression would simply get a
grip on himself, he would realize that the emotions are reciprocal.
I'm not going to retell the story; the fun is in finding out what's
going to happen. I'll only say that in many ways this story is a
fusion of the previous two stories in this review. Like "Old Friends"
this story is built around power struggles; and like “Lisa” it
describes the fruition of a relationship that began badly. Oh - I
almost forgot. The sex scenes are some of the hottest ever; and their
heat is intensified by the chemistry of the context.
One thing I had trouble with was the anal sex scene. I have come to
the conclusion that anal sex is uniquely personal. This story and
several others describe it as painful. I have engaged in anal sex with
a loving partner, and I have experienced no pain. The guy in this
story seems to want to dominate his lover and she wants to be
dominated. Domination is not a conscious part of my anal sex. I like
anal sex because it’s a violation of a taboo that’s just waiting to be
broken; it’s a way to be nasty without really being nasty at all. I
think the secret lies in having a gentle lover who has rimmed the
asshole tenderly and has finger fucked it on previous occasions and who
uses plenty of lubrication when he finally rams his dick home.
Remember, the ass doesn't naturally lubricate, and it may be useful to
withdraw and add some extra KY before finishing the job. I guess the
other part of the secret is to relax and enjoy it; if you're tense, I
guess it might hurt like hell. I have learned to relax and enjoy it so
much that once when I had to have a barium enema I was afraid I would
have a sexual climax in the examination room through association with
anal sex. We engage in anal sex less often than in other forms, but I
would describe the feeling as slutty (in the best sense of the word)
and very filling. {In my fantasy life, I would like to have one cock
in my cunt and one in my ass.} In addition, there's the side advantage
of making me look forward to my next GI series.
This is an extremely creative and generally well-written story. The
author uses a nice variety of stylistic techniques. I especially liked
the way the narrator's perspective kept changing as Terri's behaviors
shifted in response to the narrator’s own actions. I also liked the
wide variety of writing styles that the author blended into an
integrated story.
Ratings for "Terri's Dilemma"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
*"Catty Corner" by Sue. I loved this story. So many writers on a.s.s.
can describe hot sex; but Sue has the knack of putting it into the
context of a really creative story. This one comes with a double
whammy - a voyeur watching a voyeur and then the voyeurs watching each
other. I just resolved earlier today to be a little rougher in my
ratings. I also resolved to give my husband a break from passion
tonight. Oh, well; there go my resolutions.
Ratings for “Catty Corner”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
**"Across the Catty Corner" by Backrub. In a previous review I gave a rating
of 10 to "Catty Corner" by Sue. I pointed out that "Catty Corner" came with a
double whammy - a voyeur watching a voyeur and then the voyeurs watching each
other. This story brings us to either a triple or quadruple whammy - or at
least a roaring orgasm. "Across the Catty Corner" tells the same story from
the viewpoint of the voyeur in the first story, and then goes on to describe
what happens afterwards. It's simply delightful! I hope that Sue reads this
review and reposts "Catty Corner" as soon as possible. I think the second
story will stand alone; but I know I enjoyed it more after first reading Sue's
story. Incidentally, I can just imagine Deidre or Tammy Ng writing a sequel
to this story - probably from the perspective of one of them leaving a
telephone message for the other about what they did while they read this pair
of stories - or perhaps what an unnamed reviewer did shortly after reading
these stories. No - that's too much of a stretch.
Ratings for “Across the Catty Corner”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
“Reflection” by D.A. Ignatius (Darknites) (jash@kuhub.cc.ukans.edu).
Anne has had a rough day. Adam notices this and pampers the hell out
of her - first with a hot bath and then by giving her a gentle but
screaming orgasm. This is why God created husbands. I think it says
in the bible somewhere that the ideal husband puts his wife’s pleasure
first and even when he is deriving intense satisfaction from playing
hide the salami with her, he does so in such a way as to drive her to
even greater heights of gratification. In this story the passion is
intensified by the presence of a full-length mirror, in which Adam and
Anne can watch themselves make love.
I think I have reviewed all the DarkNites stories now. For a while
there I got my signals crossed with the person who was posting them (my
fault, not his), and a few of them may have appeared in the wrong order
in your postings. No problem! If any of stories with DarkNites in the
title line appear in your postings, you can safely download them and
expect a literate, erotic story. The author’s best stories deal with
passion and (sometimes) power struggles between people who are in love.
Ratings for “Reflection”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
“Sex in a Birthday Suit” by The Creator (bestfcjc@aol.com). It’s the
guy’s birthday and his girlfriend of one year comes back into town by
surprise to celebrate with him. (She has been on tour playing in
“Grease.” I found the dialog to be a little slow, but others may like
it, if they enjoy eavesdropping on clever repartee between fucker and
fuckee.
Ratings for “Sex in a Birthday Suit”
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
“Sex, Proposals and ESPN” by The Creator (bestfcjc@aol.com). The guy
wakes up in the morning and flicks on his VCR, so that he can watch the
game that he missed while he was doing the wild thing with his
girlfriend the night before. But then he gets distracted, because his
girlfriend is still with him and she wakes up and has a proclivity for
something other than basketball. The author tries to integrate the sex
with the action described by the announcer in the background (“He
shoots.... He scores!”); but I don’t think he quite brought it off the
way he wanted to. Oh! And at the very end of the story he pops the
question and she says yes. Isn’t that the sweetest thing you ever
heard?
Ratings for “Sex, Proposals and ESPN”
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
“Library of Congress” by Mark Aster (MyFrThAl@aol.com). The title is a
bit deceptive. The story doesn’t take place in the Library of
Congress, where activities like this are fairly common, but rather in a
sub-basement of the medical law library where Julie goes to school.
What do you suppose would happen if Our Hero and Julie were wrapping up
a study session in a lonely library area, occupied only by the
classical, bespectacled librarian and the gangly adolescent with the
book cart? Just as you might expect, Julie seduces the librarian by
giving her The Look. Then while Julie settles her overdue fines with
the book kid on the study table, Our Hero does the silent serenade with
the librarian among the stacks. It’s very sexy stuff; this author is
at his best when he’s describing two couples copulating simultaneously.
If synchronized sex ever becomes an Olympic sport, I want Mark Aster
for my team’s coach.
Ratings for “Library of Congress”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
“One of Those Days” by Delta (an248969@anon.penet.fi). I made a minor
mistake recently. I posted a review of this story without realizing
that Delta had sent me a pre-publication rough draft. Having seen the
final draft (which she is posting today), I have to “change her grade.”
She had read my review of "Turn of the Cards" by RC, in which I
compared that author’s work to Deirdre’s mind control stories. Delta
pointed out to me that what Deirdre does well is to _not_ allow the
reader to get a clear grasp of what is going on. Never does Deirdre
tell how the mind control is being achieved. We can _guess_, but we
never know. Deirdre does give subtle clues which point in certain
directions; but the story can never actually be figured out - and that
is the strength of writers like Deirdre and Sherwood Anderson.
Once an author unveils a mechanism, be it hypnosis, a mind control
machine, or simply the power of personality, the reader is open to
skepticism. Deirdre, by dint of not explaining anything, avoids this.
Her stories are very short; usually they are more vignettes than
stories. They start in the middle, and they usually end in the middle,
too.
When reading many of Deirdre's stories, the reader is held by the same
fascination as a person watching a train wreck. A “weak” character, by
taking the easy path, becomes entangled in something which a show of
will would have prevented. We think how easily such a thing could
happen, all the while being repelled by the thought, yet fascinated as
the character spirals downwards into the trap to which s/he has opened
her/himself.
The other thing about Deirdre's stories is that they often focus on
“anal delights” which are still a bit taboo, and this raises the ante
somewhat. Delta suggested that perhaps the anal aspect is a draw for
me personally. Perhaps I have misled my readers. I DO enjoy anal sex;
but it’s not as if I take it up the ass every night. The fact that
other people consider it to be a special taboo or a distinctive form of
humiliation probably adds to the intimacy I share with my husband
during our relatively rare but highly pleasant anal activities.
Anyway, Delta has written a mind control story. I cannot tell you much
about it, because a major part of your enjoyment will flow from trying
to figure out what is happening. Read it and “enjoy” - as the story
says in its concluding statement.
Ratings for “One of Those Days”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
“Masterbation (sic) for an English Professor” by QuantmLady
(quantmlady@aol.com). Let’s clear up some problems about masturbation
before they get out of hand. The way this author spells the word, it
sounds like a masterbater is an apprentice to a master fisherman. I
tried to look up the derivation, but my dictionaries were either vague
or prudish. I vaguely remember being told by a very good English
professor that the word was derived from “mas” + “turbation.” The
“turbation” part is related to the “turb” in “disturb,” “perturb,” and
“turbine” - a disturbance or spinning motion. It was a stimulating
presentation, but I became distracted and have forgotten the details.
(I suppose the concept of masturbation antedates the turbocharger;
otherwise we could have a really interesting metaphor here.) I don’t
know what the “mas” prefix means. If someone could tell me the whole
derivation of this term, I would appreciate it.
The story itself appears to be a response of a female student to a
writing assignment. What I picture is a stodgy English prof telling
the class to write about “an intense personal experience” and then
spilling his coffee all over himself when he came across this essay at
the breakfast table or in the faculty lounge. This is actually a good
example of a rough draft. It’s badly organized, peppered with
grammatical errors, and generally badly written; but a writer need not
be concerned about such details while doing a first draft. The idea of
a first draft is to get the juices flowing - to write down the
important ideas before they get away and to go back through the essay
and add ideas as they pop into the author’s mind. At a later stage the
author can refine the ideas so that someone else can make sense of
them.
I have often noted that the hardest type of writing to do is to develop
a literate presentation of illiteracy. The problem is similar here.
Perhaps I am mistaken and this author is truly horny but ignorant.
Quite the contrary, I think this is probably an actual assignment that
QuantumLady turned in to a real English teacher. I prefer, for
example, to believe that QuantumLady can actually spell masturbation as
well as she performs the activity. The essay is full of simple
metaphors and stimulating ideas. I would be excited (so to speak) to
receive this as a first draft. However, it’s very badly written, and I
would flunk even a high school student who wrote this badly on a final
draft.
Ratings for “Masterbation for an English Professor”
Athena (technical quality): 3
Venus (plot & character): 5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7