Celestial Reviews 77 - April 20, 1996
Note: I am now using a rating system which gives each story three
discrete ratings. These are explained in more detail in my FAQ, but
here is a summary.
Athena Rating. This rating covers such matters as grammar, spelling,
formatting, and creative use of the language. A story with essentially
no serious grammar, spelling, or usage problems will receive a rating
of 8. To get a rating of 9 or 10, the author will have to do something
creative with the language.
Venus Rating. This rating describes such matters as plot and character
development.
Celeste Rating. This rating describes how much I myself liked the
story.
Second Note: I am reviewing some excellent stories this week. I hope
you enjoy the comparisons I try to make among them.
- Celeste
"Old Friends" by D.A. Ignatius (romance & adventure)
9, 10, 10
“Lisa” by Dirty Dawg (romance) 9.5, 10, 10
"Terri's Dilemma" by The Observer (romance) 9.5, 10, 10
"Puppy Love" by M.M. Twassel (teenage voyeurism)
9.5, 7, 7
“Nice Story” by Cathy E No (mindless sex) 1, 1, 1
“Wild Nuns” by Unknown Author (sex with a nun) 8, 8, 8
“Dear Gus” by Mark Aster (rough sex) 10, 8, 8
“Scarlett’s Cove” by Ann Douglas (hot lesbian romance)
10, 10, 10
"Old Friends" by D.A. Ignatius (jash@kuhub.cc.ukans.edu). This is the
longest and most complex story I have yet read in the DarkNites series.
I see similarities between this story and the typical Dirty Dawg story.
Since I am going to review the Dawg’s “Lisa” next, I’ll compare the
two.
Both stories center around a friendship or love relationship that has
been incomplete or has gone bad in the past; and now the former lovers
are thrown back together with a chance to set things right. A major
difference is that Dirty Dawg views life more simply; when people screw
up a relationship, they should simply realize what they were missing
and be nice to each other - very nice to each other. The present
story, on the other hand focuses on the struggles for power that are so
often present to screw up relationships - and to make them really
interesting. The story is full of ebb and flow - ying and yang - that
shifts in rhythm with the events of the story or when the author
creatively changes perspective.
Taken in isolation, the present story has hotter sex. By that I mean
that if you want to get your lover going, you could probably find a
couple of paragraphs that you could read out loud until he/she would
interrupt you by jumping your bones. But taken in its context, the
Dawg's sex is pretty hot too. That is, you may not be able to find a
short passage in “Lisa” that is equally amenable to bone jumping; but
when I read the whole story I came away with a warm, wet, and wonderful
feeling that helped make me and my husband about as happy as the
quicker fix supplied by the present story.
I don't want to overemphasize the importance of the power struggles in
“Old Friends.” There's much more to this story than power struggles.
There's the focus on the difference between young love and mature love.
There's the man's sudden realization of his own beauty when his
beautiful lover finds him to be desirable. And there's much more.
This story could have benefited from a final proofreading. The omitted
apostrophes and missing articles are a minor annoyance - even grammar
goddesses make petty mistakes. In one case, however, I was seriously
confused by the verb tense. The author shifted into a flashback
without making it clear to me that she had done so. Only after I had
read several paragraphs did I say to myself, "Wait a minute! This has
been a description of something that happened ten years earlier!" When
I checked back, I discovered that the author was right: if I would have
read more carefully, I would have caught the flashback. But this isn't
a reading test to separate the Honors Students from the less inspired
pupils; and so I think a simple shift in verb tense - in this case
saying "She HAD BEEN wearing a maroon sundress...." instead of "She was
wearing...." - would have made the timing crystal clear. There was no
need for this confusion; this author is a brilliant writer. Had she
simply made one more careful swing through this story, she would
probably have noticed mistakes like these herself. Even better, she
should capture an intelligent potential sex partner and make him
proofread the story before she agrees to do to him some of the
interesting things that transpire in this story.
Ratings for "Old Friends"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
“Lisa” by Dirty Dawg (drambo@primenet.com). Jeff has finally come to
the realization that he is in love with his best friend. The only
problem: she is getting married to somebody else. He has missed his
chance: he now realizes Lisa would have been interested in him, but he
has acted uninterested too long. and she has fallen in love with
someone who loves returns her love. What’s a guy to do? Well, I guess
he could drive the two hours to her house, show up unannounced, send
the fiance away, profess his honest feelings to his true love, and then
fuck her brains out. This plan is so crazy, it might just work!
The last story I reviewed by this author was “Marjorie,” which included
lots of action - including a sequence where the hero blew the brains
out of the villain who was attacking the heroine. The present story,
on the other hand, contains a lot of brooding introspection that could
become boring; but it doesn’t. There were a few screwed up verb tenses
that annoyed me, but I remained interested to the very end. As I said
in my last review, this author is long on relationships and romance.
The sexual sequences cover only about a third as much space as those in
the previous story, but the context makes these few words very, very
hot.
As a final point in comparing the two stories, I might add that I have
to give the author of “Old Friends” credit for taking more chances with
the story line. Dirty Dawg uses his same old formula - a formula which
he uses very well. Now for something completely different, we’ll look
at another story - “Terri’s Dilemma” - that in many ways represents a
combination of the styles of these first two authors.
Ratings for "Lisa"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Terri's Dilemma" by The Observer (lsummers@onramp.onramp.net). The
narrator has been keeping company with Terri as a sort of favor to the
family. Her boyfriend is in the army, and somebody has to hang out
with her. The story opens with Terri giving the narrator a ferocious
slap for no good reason. He responds with a grim determination to take
the bitch home and dump her for good. However, as every British
schoolgirl knows, when a girl slaps a guy for no discernible reason,
it's because she loves him. And if the recipient of the aggression
would simply get a grip on himself, he would realize that the emotions
are reciprocal.
I'm not going to retell the story; the fun is in finding out what's
going to happen. I'll only say that in many ways this story is a
fusion of the previous two stories in this review. Like "Old Friends"
this story is built around power struggles; and like “Lisa” it
describes the fruition of a relationship that began badly. Oh - I
almost forgot. The sex scenes are some of the hottest ever; and their
heat is intensified by the chemistry of the context.
One thing I had trouble with was the anal sex scene. I have come to
the conclusion that anal sex is uniquely personal. This story and
several others describe it as painful. I have emgaged in anal sex with
a loving partner, and I have experienced no pain. The guy in this
story seems to want to dominate his lover and she wants to be
dominated. Domination is not a conscious part of my anal sex. I like
anal sex because it’s a violation of a taboo that’s just waiting to be
broken; it’s a way to be nasty without really being nasty at all. I
think the secret lies in having a gentle lover who has rimmed the
asshole tenderly and has finger fucked it on previous occasions and who
uses plenty of lubrication when he finally rams his dick home.
Remember, the ass doesn't naturally lubricate, and it may be useful to
withdraw and add some extra KY before finishing the job. I guess the
other part of the secret is to relax and enjoy it; if you're tense, I
guess it might hurt like hell. I have learned to relax and enjoy it so
much that once when I had to have a barium enema I was afraid I would
have a sexual climax in the examination room through association with
anal sex. We engage in anal sex less often than in other forms, but I
would describe the feeling as slutty (in the best sense of the word)
and very filling. {In my fantasy life, I would like to have one cock
in my cunt and one in my ass.} In addition, there's the side advantage
of making me look forward to my next GI series.
This is an extremely creative and generally well-written story. {It
has a few grammar glitches that supplied the examples for this week's
Grammar Tip of the Week.} The author uses a nice variety of stylistic
techniques. I especially liked the way the narrator's perspective kept
changing as Terri's behaviors shifted in response to the narrator’s own
actions. I also liked the wide variety of writing styles that the
author blended into an integrated story.
Ratings for "Terri's Dilemma"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Puppy Love" by M.M. Twassel (mmtwassel@aol.com). This story is mostly
a lengthy description of a young boy's infatuation with a girl several
years his senior. There's no really hot sex in this story; but if
you're interested in the detailed description of a young boy's emotions
as he experiences attraction, wonder, and rejection with regard to a
more mature girl, you may enjoy this story. The story includes a
surprise ending which I think could have been set up better. I don't
mind being surprised - in fact I like it; but once I am surprised I
like to be able to think over the earlier parts of the story and see a
clear rationale for the surprise ending. That didn't quite happen
here. However, it's still a pretty good story; the only people who
will be really upset are those who are looking for vivid descriptions
of raging orgasms, which are completely absent here.
Ratings for "Puppy Love"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
“Nice Story” by Cathy E No (no+@andrew.cmu.edu). Amazing.
Incoherent. Stupid. Lots of sex. Those of you who read my reviews
solely so that you can read what I dislike will not want to miss this
“story.”
Ratings for " Nice Story "
Athena (technical quality): 1
Venus (plot & character): 1
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 1
“Wild Nuns” by Unknown Author. There are several stories in this
series. I guess the Catholic Anti-Defamation League might get upset
over them. For example, I don’t think it’s true that Catholic nuns
hear confessions when the priest is on vacation; and even if they did,
the nun-confessor probably wouldn’t let an altar boy crawl up under her
robes and stimulate her sexually while she listened to another penitent
describe her sexual sins. And even if this did happen, I seriously
doubt that the nun would go into rapture with God when the boy does
this, nor would it please her if he shot his tongue ever deeper into
her virgin cunt. If this sort of thing really happened, I would have
heard about it by now on Phil Donahue, and a lot more altar servers
would go to confession a lot more often. And when Catholics talk about
not spilling their seed, I don’t think that really means they should
put their cum into a can or jar and freeze it. And I’m pretty sure that
there’s not an Italian newspaper called the Vatican Observer that would
carry a story of a Miraculo about a certified virgin nun giving birth
on Christmas Eve to a baby girl that looked just like the altar boy’s
ugly sister. After all, babies all look alike.
Ratings for "Wild Nuns"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
“Dear Gus” by Mark Aster (MyFrThAl@aol.com). If you follow the “My
Friends the Allens” series, you know that the anonymous narrator is a
normal but wonderful stud who services the needs of Pat and Julie and
their friends with great vigor. He is a Renaissance man, a knight in
shining armor, a traveling companion. and a live-in stud - all in one
polyamorous package. This story, however, is not about him. Instead,
Our Hero finds that he has carried off by mistake a letter from the
lovely and lascivious Pat to a much less chivalrous but more brawnily
endowed gent who has been boinking her. He reads the letter; and of
course we read it with him. The sex is hot, but not as hot as with Our
Hero himself.
I usually dislike second-person narratives (“you” stories), but this
one used that technique properly. The “you” does not make the reader
artificially identify with any particular person; rather the reader
feels that he/she is reading someone else’s letter - a form of indirect
voyeurism.
The scenario in the story is one-on-one sex, but this author seems to
thrive more effectively when there are more than two bodies involved.
This is a good story, but not as good as most of the others in this
series.
Ratings for "Dear Gus"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
“Scarlett’s Cove” by Ann Douglas (AnnD55@NYC.Pipeline.Com). As I
understand it, Ann Douglas has become anxious about the possibilities
of censorship and related repression on the Internet and has withdrawn
from posting her stories with this newsgroup. I heard she has started
her own newslist, to which she circulates her stories, and so I thought
she wasn’t going to post on a.s.s. anymore. Therefore, I was surprised
to find this story in the postings. I don’t know how it got there, but
I’m glad it did.
The story centers around the visit of two friends to a Caribbean Club
Med type resort that caters to lesbians and bisexuals. Although both
women are lesbians, they are not habitual lovers - just friends. After
some preliminary fun, Jeanette finds that Arlene has entered her into a
sort of charity bachelor auction - the other women will bid to have
Jeanette for their date for the evening. I think I have told you
enough about the story. It’s a hot plot with hot sex. I might add
that Jeanette is a high school teacher and many of us often wish we
could touch our favorite students the way she does - but somebody might
take that comment the wrong way.
Ann writes many different kinds of stories, and I enjoy them all; but
this story is a good example of what Ann does best: an interesting and
sexy plot woven into an exotic environment embellished with accurate
information about varied cultures. In addition, the author enriches
the narrative with sexy flashbacks and side plots that heighten the
tension and allure of the main storyline.
As I have said many times before, although I suspect that all sensible
women would enjoy sexual activities like those described in this story,
I myself have never engaged in full genital lesbian or bisexual
activity. However, after reading this story, my defenses have begun to
crumble. If by some chance I would ever be bereaved of this wonderful
guy that humps me on demand like Mark Aster’s studly hero and then
found myself on an exotic Caribbean island with a beautiful, rich
former student who was professing her love for me after purchasing me
for an exorbitant price in a charity auction - well, I might give it a
thought. Hell, I think I’ll give it a thought right now!
I’m reminded of the words of my daughter, who every year proclaims that
“this is my best birthday ever.” This is the best story ever by Ann
Douglas.
Ratings for "Scarlett’s Cove"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
GRAMMAR TIP OF THE WEEK:
Some authors have a problem with misplaced modifiers. My husband used
to have the same problem. I told him misplaced modifiers were like
misplaced condoms: one should either stop misplacing them or get a
vasectomy. He stopped misplacing his modifiers. He later got the
vasectomy anyway, but he was grateful for my advice.
In some cases misplaced modifiers make it hard to tell whom the
modifier is modifying. I found this example in one of the stories I
reviewed this week:
I glared at my sister for a long minute, cold on the outside,
raging on the inside.
It's not clear who is cold and raging. Grammatically, the best guess
is that it is the sister who is feeling these emotions, but it's not
clear.
In other cases in the same story, it was grammatically clear whom the
modifier is modifying, but I'm pretty sure the author intended for it
to modify somebody else:
Stressed out, horny, frustrated by a dead end relationship,
Terri had ignited a powder keg of emotions within me.
The narrator meant that he was stressed out, etc.; but the sentence
clearly says that Terri was experiencing these emotions.
Here is another example. See if you can spot the problem.
Prior to this experience, a friend read the story and tried to
teach me the use of semi-colons. He also had some
constructive comments to make. A busy man, I
appreciate the time he spent helping me.
Grammatically, the author is saying that HE is a busy man. I think he
meant to say that his friend was busy. This instance offers a good
insight into WHY these mistakes occur. In the first two sentences of
this excerpt, the author was focusing on his friend. He continued that
focus with "A busy man," but then he switched to himself as the subject
of the sentence. and this switch caused the grammatical error. There
are many ways to solve this problem:
Since I know he is a busy man, I appreciate the time he
spent helping me.
A busy man, he deserves my thanks for the time he spent
helping me.
I appreciate the time this busy man spent helping me.