Celestial Reviews 70 - Mar 16, 1996
Note: I am now using a rating system which gives each story three
discrete ratings. These are explained in more detail in my FAQ, but
here is a summary.
Athena Rating. This rating covers such matters as grammar, spelling,
formatting, and creative use of the language. A story with essentially
no serious grammar, spelling, or usage problems will receive a rating
of 8. To get a rating of 9 or 10, the author will have to do something
creative with the language.
Venus Rating. This rating describes such matters as plot and character
development.
Celeste Rating. This rating describes how much I myself liked the
story.
Second Note: One way to disseminate stories is through home pages on
the Web. Several authors have begun to maintain home pages of their
own stories or of stories within specific categories. Here are some
that I know about.
Deirdre stories:
Robot Fetish stories: http://users.aol.com/robotdoll/asfr.html
Celestial Reviews: http://www.emi.u-bordeaux.fr/~jay/Celeste
Elf Sternberg stories: http://www.halcyon.com/elf/index.html
Sisters Ng stories: http://members.aol.com/deidreng/index.htm
Warthog stories: http://www.connect.net/linetwo/stories.html
If you know of others, please let me know; and I'll post an update. I
am not interested in those with hot pictures or commercial sites. Just
stories comparable to those reviewed in CR.
- Celeste
"Trial" by Deirdre (dominance) 10, 10, 10
"Wait" by Deirdre (fantasy) 10, 8, 7
"The Crystal" by Clint Quinn (mind control) 8, 7, 7
"Marissa's Promise" by Jonathan Dzoba (teen romance &
masturbation) 10, 8, 7
"A Story for Susan" by William G. Hayden (mutual
voyeurism & watersports) 9, 10, 9
"For You" by D.A. Ignatius (bondage & romance) 10, 10, 10
"My Weekend with Nancy" by Steve Black (romance &
menage a trois) 10, 10, 10
"Squash" by Grimalkin (debt payment) 5, 7, 8
"Spring Cleaning" by Athena (household sex) 7, 7, 8
"Neighborly Love Spell Checked" by SomeGuy (adolescent
sexual fantasy) 3, 3, 2
"Trial" by Deirdre. This story seemed so natural to me. Two Deirdre
characters are chatting, and one says, "What's new in your life?"
"Nothing much," comes the reply. "No, really. I want to know,"
responds the first. "OK. My husband and I have gotten into kinky sex.
You should try it some time." The conversation seemed so ordinary and
natural that I was hardly surprised in the next scene to find the
narrator comfortably hidden in her friend's closet... Well, I guess you
should read the story yourself to find out what happens. It's a really
simple but bizarre story that leads the reader in some interesting
directions.
Ratings for "Trial"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Wait" by Deirdre. "*You* go upstairs and get undressed; *I'll* get
rid of them... lie on the bed on top of the covers, on your stomach and
wait." What's a girl to do? Why's he taking so long? Why on the
stomach? I thought this one ended too abruptly. Just like this
review.
Ratings for "Wait"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
"The Crystal" by Clint Quinn. This is a mind control story with a
twist: the guy with the magic power usually deliberately refrains from
using it to his advantage. The twist was a good idea, but it needed to
be developed a little more carefully. At key points I was unable to
figure out why things had happened the way they did; and in a few cases
I was even uncertain about what had transpired. Nevertheless, there is
some hot sex in this story, although some readers will consider the
build-up to be a bit prolonged.
Ratings for "The Crystal"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
"Marissa's Promise" by Jonathan Dzoba (jondz@ix.netcom.com). Marissa
and Jonathan were teenage lovers. When Jonathan had to go away for two
weeks, the two of them promised that neither would masturbate during
the hiatus; that way they would be like matchbooks ready to explode
when they finally got back together. To understand the magnitude of
this promise, you have to realize that this period of abstinence
followed a prolonged period of what football players call three-a-days:
first kissing and teasing, then oral satisfaction (first him, then
her), and finally lovemaking. How would you keep this kind of promise?
You could try gardening, playing scrabble with your mother, writing
letters to your boyfriend, studying school subjects more assiduously
than usual, or hanging out with your old girlfriend. Would passion
dwindle over time? Would your interests become diverted? You'll have
to read the story to find out.
I commend the author for showing restraint; the story involves none of
the wham-bam climax stuff that an author would be tempted to work into
this plot. It would have been easy for Julie to eat Marissa's pussy
and bring her to a fabulous climax and for them to rationalize that
this wasn't really breaking the deal - she would not actually have
masturbated, and nobody had included sex with other members of the same
gender as part of the bargain.
I liked this story, but there's something lacking in it. The author
has tried to be realistic; and I think the flaw is that he has been
*too* realistic. The story reads like an actual description of
something that really happened. Objective accuracy is important in
anthropological studies, in police reports, and in biographies of non-
politicians; but fiction writers are allowed to have a climax and
denouement in their stories. I got the feeling that this author wanted
to avoid a really insipid or simplistic ending, went out of his way to
make the story seem realistic, and then couldn't think of a way to end
it; and so he just stopped writing.
Don't get me wrong. This is still a pretty good story. It has a lot of
excellent sexual tension in it, and you may be more satisfied than I
was with the level of realism and the ending.
Speaking of realism, the real answer to the question of what to do
during separations like the one in this story lies in two words:
telephone sex. I've had some great fun when my husband has "reached
reached out and touched me" late at night with Ma Bell's help or when I
have done the same for him. "No fair!" you say. The plot requires
that we be separated and incommunicado for two weeks. In that case, my
advice is don't make deals like this. Such promises are good for
fiction, but not for real life. Read alt.sex.stories and masturbate
all you want for the first twelve days of his absence. Encourage him
to do the same. Think of each other while you do it, and plan just how
you're going to make each other happy. Purchase the blindfolds and the
whipped cream. Abstain for the final two days. The explosive impact
upon reunion will be as good as if you abstained for the entire two
weeks, and you'll be spared all the frustration and temptation. Trust
me. An angel appeared to me in my sleep and revealed this strategy to
me.
Ratings for "Marissa's Promise"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
"A Story for Susan" by William G. Hayden (billyg@hooked.net). At the
completion of the work together on a lengthy project a consultant and
office worker unwind together. He has admired her for a long time, and
when he expresses his feelings for her, he discovers that they are
mutual. She suggests that they reveal more of themselves to each other,
with the condition that they can look but not touch. Actually, they
can touch themselves, but not each other. He agrees, and it is
enjoyable. Being a clever man, when she took off her blouse and bra,
he utters, "Wow!" Not everyone can make up palindromes on the spot!
The two friends never do fuck; but they DO masturbate and take a leak
together.
Like the preceding story, this one tries to be realistic. I think this
story did a better job. As I read the story, I had the feeling that
all this quite possibly really happened; but the author gave it a focus
that kept me from feeling disappointed at the end.
I don't go out on a limb too often, but I have a prediction to make here. Mr.
Hayden, if Jackie reads this story, you are going to make
her list of erotic bloopers. You wrote:
Weekly I croaked, "Can't touch?"
You meant to say "weakly."
Ratings for "A Story for Susan"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"For You" by D.A. Ignatius (jash@kuhub.cc.ukans.edu). Katerina has
instructed Jonathan to dress in formal attire for their evening date.
Then she comes and picks him up to take him to their destination -
blindfolded. I'm not going to tell you the details of this story;
suffice it to say that this story involves the kind of bondage that I
myself find sexy as hell. It is the kind of domination that involves
no humiliation of the the bound partner; rather the whole goal is to
turn over the control of the bound person's pleasure to his loving
partner. This story is a very close approximation of the events of my
own tenth wedding anniversary, when I successfully surprised my husband
by celebrating it on our nine-and-a-halfth anniversary. The main
difference between this story and our real anniversary is that this
story does not include a traffic cop. This is one sexy story that you
can safely use as a recipe for real life.
Ratings for "For You"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"My Weekend with Nancy" by Steve Black (c621097@showme.missouri.edu).
Through a combination of brains and beauty Nancy LeDoux has made her
way to the top ranks as a manager within the Ultimate Wrestling
Association. Andy is a big fan of wrestling and of Nancy. Don't
worry; you don't have to buy into the idea that pro wrestling is "real"
in order to enjoy this story. Andy views Nancy as a beautiful woman
who is good at promoting entertainment. Alas, Nancy hurts her ankle,
and Andy helps her. Double alas - because of the injury, Nancy cannot
sleep; and Andy helps her again. Triple alas, Nancy needs a man; and
Andy redoubles his efforts to help out.
It turns out Nancy is polyamorous. Andy has to decide if this is OK
with him; and he says he needs time to think. Quite possibly, the
reason for his hesitation was because he had to check the fine FAQ on
that topic, available on alt.sex.wizards. Then Andy rescues Nancy from
her crazed wrestler ex-husband. Next Nancy's sexy assistant Tamara
starts coming on to Andy. Andy likes Tamara but resists her, because
he wants to remain true to Nancy. But Tamara is going to be
persistent. What will Andy do? I knew the answer, because I already
knew all about polyamory. That's the value of having a good vocabulary
and/or lurking in alt.sex.wizards.
Actually, I *thought* I knew the answer, and I was pretty close. But I
didn't guess the part about the handcuffs. This story has a slow
build-up; but that's probably necessary. The ending was excellent.
Ratings for "My Weekend with Nancy"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Squash" by Grimalkin. This story is from the THC Archives. I have
found that those stories are of extremely uneven quality, and I
normally don't have time for them. This one caught my eye, because it
was right above a "Spring Cleaning" story; and I need something right
now to get me psyched up for that annual activity.
I gave this story really odd ratings. It's badly written in the sense
that it contains all run-on sentences within each paragraph. I found
this annoying, but I think the author was doing it on purpose - a
strange stylistic quirk. This format made me work unnecessarily while
I read the story. The reason I was willing to work, I suppose, was
because I have shared a similar fantasy: making the loser pay sexually
for losing a game - and then having the loser enjoy the penalty.
Ratings for "Squash"
Athena (technical quality): 5
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Spring Cleaning" by Athena. This story is from the THC Archives. I
have found that those stories are of extremely uneven quality, and I
normally don't have time for them. This one caught my eye, because I
need something right now to get me psyched up for spring cleaning.
It's really a simple story: a wife wants to throw our some of her
husband's things; he resists; and she uses his things as prompts to
stimulate lovemaking. They never do accomplish much in the way of
spring cleaning.
Ratings for "Spring Cleaning"
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Neighborly Love Spell Checked" by SomeGuy (jason38@ix.netcom.com).
This story was probably written by SomeGuy who thought it up all by
himself, jerked off a couple of times while he entered it into his word
processor, ran his spell check, jerked off again, and then posted it.
Sometimes I worry about young boys today. Sometimes I think they think
with their penises. But at least they have spellcheck. This is a
story about a mother who says, "I have to go out now. You kids go
ahead and have sex while I'm gone." When she returns, she joins them
and shows them how to do it right. This story doesn't have much of a
plot and it doesn't have noticeable spelling errors (unless you count
"breath" for "breathe," "mad for made," "as" for "ass," etc), but it
sure does have a lot of grammar and logical errors. Oh well, not
everyone can be a Stud and be literate too. Moms who have lusted after
the 4-incher on the boy next door might find a quaint charm in this
story. For guys, this story will no doubt bring back memories of the
first time their girlfriend's mom begged them to give it to her up the
ass.
Ratings for "Neighborly Love Spell Checked"
Athena (technical quality): 3
Venus (plot & character): 3
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 2
AUTHOR FORUM. Mark Aster, the author of the "My Friends the Allen
Sisters" recently posted an article entitled "Author forum: When
characters develop." In it he described some of the thoughts and
conflicts that went on in his head while he wrote several episodes of
that series. I thoroughly enjoyed his essay. Shortly thereafter, I
came across another article by Robotdoll entitled "Why I write what I
write," in which that author explained exactly what the title promises
to explain. Other authors often attach similar brief essays as part of
their disclaimer or introduction when they post their stories.
I would like to suggest that we informally formalize this process. If
other authors would occasionally write similar essays, they could post
them on a.s.s.d. To make it easier to find these essays, we could
simply standardize the title line by having it begin with "Author
Forum: {Add a specific title here.}"
I think numerous authors would enjoy hearing what their peers think
about their own stories. In addition, the essays would be available to
non-authors, whose understanding of the works of their favorite authors
would be enhanced. If non-authors want to participate (as by raising
questions for specific authors or for the general group of authors),
they could do so in the same format. Let's just keep it free of
requests for copies of stories and those annoying wannafucks. I think
we should keep the Forum on a.s.s.d. (rather than a.s.s.), because
that's what a.s.s.d. is designed for and because it will be a lot
easier to find the Author Forum entries there.
If you wish, you can put the following short introduction at the
beginning of your essay, in place of (or as part of) the traditional
disclaimer:
The Author Forum offers an arena in which authors of
stories posted on the alt.sex.stories newsgroup can share
ideas about these stories with other authors and with
readers. Please do not use this Forum for other purposes.
Authors wishing to use the forum can either copy this introductory
statement from right here or from any article in which it is posted.
This is not "my" forum. Any author who posts stories on a.s.s. would
be welcome here, not just those whose stories I happen to like or
review. However, it would be nice if persons who want to denounce us
as perverts would continue to post elsewhere, in their traditional
manner.
If there is a need for such a thing, I would be willing to compose an
"Author's Forum FAQ" that would say pretty much what I have said here.
I could post this FAQ once a month. However, I am not going to do this
unless I see some interest in the idea of the Forum.
I am aware that a huge number of people read and enjoy my reviews. I
am also aware that I have no authority over anyone. Anarchy is
wonderful. But I think this is a great idea. I like it because of its
simplicity. So I would appreciate it if some of you fine authors would
take a look at the essays by Mark Aster and by Robotdoll and churn out
a contribution or two of your own.