Celestial Reviews 66 - Mar 2, 1996
Note: I have begun using a new rating system, which gives each story
three ratings. These are explained in more detail in my FAQ, but here
is a summary.
Athena Rating. This rating covers such matters as grammar, spelling,
formatting, and creative use of the language. A story with essentially
no serious grammar, spelling, or usage problems will receive a rating
of 8. To get a rating of 9 or 10, the author will have to do something
creative with the language.
Venus Rating. This rating describes such matters as plot and character
development.
Celeste Rating. This rating describes how much I myself liked the
story. On the summary line, I'll simply list these as three separate
ratings: {"Name of Story" by Author (topic) 8, 10, 8}
Second Note: A Deirdre Archive has appeared on the Web. Right now it
contains about 60 stories, nearly all of which have been reviewed in
CR. It can be found at http://miso.wwa.com/~guru/cyco/cyco.html.
Third Note: I am reposting my original review of the "Martha Jane"
series, which is currently being reposted as MJANExx.TXT (mf,teen). I
am doing this because I think you should be forewarned that this
otherwise well-written story simply ends after a very large number of
installments for no apparent reason other than that the author couldn't
think of a way to end it. A large number of readers (including myself)
find this very annoying.
- Celeste
"The Locksmith" by Bobaroo2 (gay sex) 10, 9, 9
"The Drive" by M. M. Twassel (surreal sex) 10, 9, 10
"Passion in Silk" by Patrick Donovan (sudden passion)
7, 5, 3
"Cherisse" by Nom de Plume (nympho sex) 8, 5, 5
"But Mom" by Frank McCoy (pedophilia to solve social
problems) 8, 5, 3
"Desire" by Patrick Donovan (romance) 8, 8, 8
"DarkNites III" by D.A. Ignatius (literary quickie)
9, 7, 10
*"DarkNites I" " by D.A. Ignatius (rape) 10, 10, 10
*"DarkNites II"" by D.A. Ignatius (control) 10, 9, 10
"Aunt Kate" by Mark Aster (intergenerational sex)
10, 9, 10
*"Good Grief" by Sue (surrogate sex) 10,10, 10
*The Amazing and Ponderous Adventures of Me and
Martha Jane" by Santo J. Romeo (emerging childhood
sexuality and romance) 10, 5, 1
* = Repost of previous review (because the story has been
reposted).
"The Locksmith" by Bobaroo2 (bobaroo2@aol.com ). I'll admit that I
downloaded this story mostly because I wanted to see if it had any
relation to the "Locksmith" stories in my Celestial Writing Contest.
It didn't. However, it turned out to be an interesting and enjoyable
story in its own right. Because I myself am an enthusiastic
heterosexual, when I started reviewing stories for this newsgroup, I
did not expect to enjoy the gay stories. However, I have been
pleasantly surprised. Part of my enjoyment arises from the fact that I
find it interesting to see how men would flirt with other men. I don't
mean anything stereotypical or negative by saying this; I just found it
interesting, for example, in this story to see a big hunk and a quiet,
intelligent guy become interested in each other.
Ratings for "The Locksmith"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"The Drive" by M.M. Twassel (WEGalen@aol.com). The woman is driving
her own car, when the car in front of her swerves sharply. She becomes
aware that it is likely that the girl in the car in front of her is
launching her boyfriend's love missile, causing him to lose control of
the steering wheel. At the traffic light, they make brief eye contact,
and she fantasizes about what could happen. This is the second story I
have read by this author. Both were very short but well-crafted
stories. It's a lot like Deirdre with Normal People - assuming, of
course, that a normal person would be interested in giving head to a
guy standing through the sunroof of his car in the middle of a roadside
parking lot, while being careful not to soil the seat covers.
Ratings for "The Drive"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Passion in Silk" by Patrick Donovan (an242041@anon.penet.fi). A woman
is visiting a man for an unexplained overnight stay. They are
obviously in love, but for some reason we are unable to ascertain at
the beginning of the story they seem resolved not to make love. Why
this restraint? I dunno; you read it and tell me. I found the
dialogue of this story to be extremely stilted. This story also uses
the first person singular as the main mode of narration. Unless the
author carries that technique off very effectively, I have trouble with
that approach. This approach makes it seem as if the author is talking
to an audience of one person (who is in on the secret), and I am not
that person.
Ratings for "Passion in Silk"
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 3
"Cherisse" by Nom de Plume (nomdepl@aol.com). Cherisse, a successful
and demure career woman, has suddenly discovered that her body is
changing: she needs more sex. She goes to her gynecologist to see if
anything is wrong with her, but all that leads to his a raucous session
of wild sex with the doctor. Other than that, she mostly masturbates
to satisfy her new needs. Then she meets David, and they really hit it
off with wild mutual orgasms. And then the story ends. I looked for
more - for any indication that this was part 1 of 2 or something like
that. I found nothing.
This story was pretty hot as far as it went; and you'll enjoy this
story if your the kind of person who doesn't mind joining a porn flick
near the end of the second scene and then leaving before the climax in
the third. In other words, if it sounds interesting to hear what a
career woman does when she suddenly finds herself in heat, you might
enjoy this story. On the other hand, if you care about issues raised
by the plot - what caused her problem and how she will resolve it -
then you are likely to be disappointed by this story.
Ratings for "Cherisse"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 5 (low because it was incomplete)
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5
"But Mom" by Frank McCoy 8, 5, 3
This story consists entirely of a friendly Black guy named Big Mike
fucking a 12-year-old girl while her mother stands by and exhorts her
to do a good job. The mother is convinced that if her daughter has a
brown-skinned out-of-wedlock baby at a really young age, this will
somehow either cause the sanctimonious assholes in her neighborhood to
stop being racist or will at least put them in their place. That's
right. I don't understand the logic either; but that's what the story
says. The story is really clearly written in the sense that I can
understand all the words and I think I know what's happening; but I
think the author should at least give us a hint regarding what we're
supposed to make of this bizarre behavior. As it is, I guess this is a
story about a demented mother with a messianic personality disorder
abusing her young child by forcing her to have sex and become pregnant
for her mother's personal gratification.
Ratings for "But Mom"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 3
"DarkNites III" by D.A. Ignatius (jash@kuhub.cc.ukans.edu). The
DarkNites stories will be reposted one-per-week, and I'll review each
story until we run out of them. This third in the series is not the
best. It simply describes what the author purports to have done
immediately after posting the second story; and I suggest reading it
after you read that one, which should appear in the postings at about
the same time as this story. I'll repost my reviews of the first two
stories after this one.
Ratings for "DarkNites III"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
*"Dark Nights 1" by D.A. Ignatius (reposted by William Gann). When I
downloaded Dark Nights 1 and 2, I assumed I was getting two parts of
one story; and so, when Part 1 ended with the protagonists looking
forward to "Round 2," I loaded the second story, expecting to see the
second part. It turns out that these are two independent stories.
This first story views either a date rape or a spouse rape through the
eyes of the woman. The story, I think, is a realistic portrayal of a
man overpowering a woman sexually. Since I don't believe such actions
are ever justified, I would like to say that I found the story to be
entirely repulsive, but that would not be true true. Quite the
contrary, as I read the story I had the feeling that I could understand
the ambivalent feelings of the woman: hating the man who was forcing
himself on her, feeling a physiological arousal that she simply could
not control, and setting aside her aversion for the man in order to
satisfy her temporary needs.
I don't think this is a realistic portrayal of how ALL abused women
feel while being attacked, but I think it realistically describes the
feelings and perceptions of one victim. What I think is sad is that a
large number of men will read this story and conclude that it's OK to
force themselves on women, because "they'll eventually like it anyway."
Many women and their allies who want to prevent rape would often prefer
that stories like this never appear in print or anywhere else, because
they put into the minds of men and women the idea expressed in the
previous sentence.
I bounced this story off a friend of mine who is a professional
counselor. When she finished reading it, she said it was a disturbing
story. I told her I didn't care; I wanted to know if it was realistic.
She said yes, that many abused women feel this way. I asked her if
reading this story could help me better understand a mutual friend who
had recently moved into a shelter for abused women for the third time.
She said yes - but she added that the story left a lot unstated (and
the author of the story admits this). Clearly there were words and
actions that preceded the rape scene; and even though these actions
never legally or morally justify rape, they would help us understand
the story or our friend more fully. My friend agreed that this was a
good story.
Ratings for "DarkNites 1"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
*"Dark Nights 2" by D.A. Ignatius (reposted by William Gann). Anne is
an author who has finished a chapter of her book, has shoved the
manuscript aside, and has masturbated briefly, fantasizing about what
she has just written. Then her husband (or lover) approaches her and
they begin a real-life sexual encounter, with her trying to gain
control by threatening pain and promising pleasure. He plays the same
game, but he seems to see an advantage in letting her remain mostly in
control. This is a vivid portrayal of some realistic sexual action.
Ratings for "DarkNites 2"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Aunt Kate" by Mark Aster
In this episode of "My Friends the Allens" our Three Amigos have gone
to Boston to visit Pat & Julie's Aunt Kate. While the two younger
ladies go into town for some shopping, our nameless hero stays behind,
with instructions to be nice to the elder Aunt, who must be nearly my
own age. When he applies suntan lotion to Aunt Kate's body, he
discovers that there's a tiger in that bathing suit: she wants him to
do the front as well as the back - "as well as" or "even better than",
if you get my drift. To make a long summary short - "the rest of the
visit was very pleasant indeed, and a good time was had by all."
Ratings for "Aunt Kate"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Desire" by Patrick Donovan (an242041@anon.penet.fi). Our hero is a
college guy with raging hormones, but he manages to cool it and court
the lovely Kathy for a little while before he fucks her. They date and
eventually make passionate, romantic love. It's a good story. I hope
this author eventually acquires a taste for timing and word choice that
could make his stories even better.
Ratings for "Desire"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
*"Good Grief" by Sue (SueNH@aol.com). I often hear the refrain, "All
those fuckin' stories on a.s.s. are the same!" Every once in a while,
I start to believe it and think that I have seen (or read about)
everything. Then I run across a story like this to reinforce my belief
in creativity. I don't know what I can tell you about this story
without ruining the plot for you. The action takes place in a cemetery
and in a motel shortly after the funeral of the narrator's close
friend. The sex is both tender and hot. You'll just have to read this
excellent story to find out the details. (Rating: 10)
Ratings for "Good Grief"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
*"The Amazing and Ponderous Adventures of Me and Martha Jane" by Santo J.
Romeo (73233.1411@compuserve.com). This is a difficult story for me to
review. What's there is excellent, but it's simply not all there. The story
"ends" with these lines: "By that afternoon, when we started straightening up
for the return of my parents and her mother, both of us were saying we
probably wouldn't want to have another orgasm for months. Of course, we
were both wrong about that." This is simply not an ending.
The story is written from the perspective of the child narrator, who is
presumed to be a little over fifty years old and is telling a story about his
younger days. A person writing from that perspective would know the details
of what came next and would be inclined to relate those details. If you enjoy
going to movies that give you an excellent buildup to a good ending even if
you know that the last reel of the movie is missing, then you'll possibly
enjoy this story. Likewise, if you enjoy leaving a good World Series baseball
game at the beginning of the ninth inning with the score tied, you'll probably
like this story. However, my feeling is that the author has completely ruined
a good story by choosing not to supply the ending.
There are other circumstances under which open-endedness is valid and
even desirable. For example, if this story would have been presented
from the perspective of a current 12-year-old whose future was as yet
unknown, a modified version of this ambiguous ending would make sense.
Note that I am not demanding a *happy* ending. I just want an ending.
The author made me buy into the idea that he was telling a story "as
best as he could remember it," and I think reasonable readers would
want to hear the end of that story.
If I were willing to read this as part of a "neverending serial," would
give this a rating of 10. However, I don't see the point in posting or
reading such stories. I personally refrain from reading most stories
that are labeled 1/?. To me these suggest that the author doesn't know
where the story is going. The author of such entries seems to saying,
"I'm going to write about sex until I can't think of anything else I
want to say." I may get interested in the story and discover that the
author has lost interest. Good authors of long stories know where
their story is going before they start posting it - even though they
may fill in numerous details and even make serious changes in the plot
as it develops. I felt betrayed when I thought I was reading a
complete story in this case, only to find that it wasn't all there.
Having said that, I want to point out that what does exist of the story
is excellent. My frustration arises completely out of having been set
up to expect a full story, and then to find out it wasn't there. The
following is a review of what does exist. In this review, I am going
to act as if I am reviewing a whole, non-truncated story - what I was
expecting until I encountered the utterly silly ending.
Martha Jane was a young woman who was nine years older than the child
narrator. They lived next door to each other in a federal housing
project around 1950 and shared a common front porch. At the beginning
of their relationship, the 6-year-old hero harbored a wonderful, non-
sexual admiration for the older girl; and she showed a reciprocal
respect for him. The focus of the story is the maturation and
fulfillment of this relationship.
Although the early lines of this story hint of sexual activity, the
first several paragraphs are devoted to demonstrating that the
protagonist of the story was a precocious child - not a sexually
precocious child, but a run-of-the-mill precocious child. This bit of
trivia is important, because it emphasizes that the hero of this story
should be considered as a whole person, not as a simple sex object. In
addition, the early development of non-sexual aspects helps set this
story in a truly rich and interesting psychological and emotional
environment.
Certainly there is moral ambiguity in the story. For example, near the
beginning the mother tells the young boy that pregnant women get that
way by eating too many popsicles and that babies come from storks.
Shortly thereafter, Martha Jane plays with his penis to give him a
hard-on, while giving him a biological explanation of the facts of
life. If I had a son, I wouldn't try either of these approaches to sex
education. It's interesting that normal society rejects Martha Jane's
approach - to the extent that Redbook and the Sunday supplements would
never even consider publishing an account like this without labeling
Martha Jane a pervert; but sitcoms routinely laugh about the mother's
explanation.
I'm running the risk of preaching to the choir here: most readers of
this review are likely to be predisposed to want to like a story like
this. On the other hand, large numbers of civilized readers outside
a.s.s. would react to this story as an example of perversion. Most of
us will counter by describing these people as sexually repressed
puritans. And so forth. I think we should be willing to simply admit
but tolerate the moral ambiguity of the story. It's fiction and it's
interesting. There's nothing perverse in setting aside our moral
scruples and enjoying a good story. Millions of American high
schoolers are required every year to read Edgar Alan Poe's tale about a
pervert who tears the heart out of an old man and buries it under the
floorboards in his house. We practically require these students to set
aside moral scruples and to enjoy the beauty of this atrocity. I'm not
recommending that we make "Martha Jane" part of the sophomore
curriculum; I simply think adult readers can set aside moral reactions
long enough to enjoy this story without taking a position that it would
be "better" if all children grew up this way.
When I myself was a young babysitter, I did not give head to any of the
children I cared for; and I would hope that my own daughters likewise
refrain from this practice. The psychologists and counselors who
suggested to the narrator later in his life that this activity was
abnormal are quite likely right (although, again, these sages would
simply laugh about the goofy explanations of sexuality given by the
mother and other adults.). It would be much better for little boys to
receive accurate answers from their own parents and for young
babysitters to have internalized a code of ethical conduct that enables
them to understand their own and their clients' emerging sexuality and
to rule out genital contact without resorting to primitive mythologies.
But that still doesn't make this a bad story. One of my own favorite
novels is Betty Smith's "A Tree Grows in Brooklyn." I would never
raise my own children the way those children grew up in that story, but
it's still a good novel (and an excellent movie).
Again, I'm probably preaching to the choir. But someone is surely
going to label this story pedophilia. There are legitimate gripes
against some pedophile stories; they essentially recommend the adoption
of lifestyles that would be destructive to children. What we need to
do is acknowledge that some stories that describe genital activities
with children have the potential to be destructive - especially those
that are simply unrealistic or that promote the exploitation of
children. On the other hand, other stories that describe genital
activity with or among children are either harmless or actually have
the potential to lead to moral or emotional growth among readers. To
take a sexually-related analogy, there are numerous examples of books
and movies about adults having affairs. Some of these are badly
written or stupidly conceived and seem to have as their only goal to
degrade the value of marriage and other permanent relationships. On
the other hand, many of these books and movies are well conceived and
have the overall effect of enabling us to understand human emotions -
and, indeed, marriage and other permanent relationships - more
perfectly.
Although the most important aspect of this story is the sexual
relationship between the narrator and Martha Jane, it's not really a
sex story. Rather, it's a story about the emotional development of two
young people. Only about a third of the lines in the story are devoted
to their sex lives. The non-sex scenes are extremely realistic and
vivid, giving us information needed to understand the background and
personalities of the two main characters - at least this would be the
case if the story didn't lose its focus because of the absence of an
ending.
Finally, there's a problem with the story's title. Most readers will refer to
this story simply as "Martha Jane," but the complete title is "The Amazing and
Ponderous Adventures of Me and Martha Jane." The author seems to think that
the word "ponderous" means "making one ponder"; but this is not what the word
means. A ponderous story is one that is "heavy, plodding, boring, or
tedious." Perhaps the author meant "ponderable." I would recommend a
different title, because I don't think these adventures are boring or tedious;
and I don't think the author yet has the prestige to redefine "ponderous."
I also recommend finishing this potentially excellent story. I was so
befuddled by the lack of an ending that I e-mailed the author the night before
I posted this review, asking whether I was missing something. He replied that
the story was complete as I had it, but that the story was part of a larger
work, and that an additional portion of that larger work would be published as
a sequel. I believe that this author is a serious writer who has a sensitive
story to tell; but I don't see the point in releasing the "story" in this way.
A story needs a focus. This one has lots of interesting details, but no
focus.
If a reader wants a source of information about how much fun it would be to
have sex with a precocious little kid, this would be a good story for that
purpose - although all the details about the child's emotions would probably
be viewed as distracting. I really don't think this was the author's purpose.
On the other hand, if a person (like myself) is reading this to obtain
sensitive insights into the personalities of two young people as they mature
sexually and emotionally, I think a legitimate reaction is to feel cheated. I
spent several hours reading this story with the understanding that the
narrator was going to tell me the story of his relationship with Martha Jane.
I entered into a relationship of trust with the author and learned to love
Martha Jane and Speedy, and I became really interested in what was happening
to them. At the end of Chapter 6 I learned that after a lengthy separation,
they got together again when he was 12 years old and had wonderful sex
together. Right before they did so, Martha Jane bemoaned the fact that both
of them "were going straight to hell." This sounds like a significant
statement - it's a realistic statement that she perceived the moral ambiguity
of the situation. (How could something this wonderful be bad? Well, one
answer would be that both of them would be incapable of dealing with other
sexual partners. The apparent beauty could lead realistically to a living
hell. I'm not saying that's the ending - but the author presents this idea
through the heroine's own mouth.) So then the story ends with a suggestion
that they're going to have a lot more orgasms together!?!? Why is the author
doing this? It comes across to me as the same sort of thing that authors do
when they can't figure out what to do and just have a truck run over
everybody, so that they don't have to bother finishing the story.
This story does not need a sequel; it needs one more focused chapter. "Star
Wars" had a sequel. That means there was a story that ended and then another
story. "Roots" had a sequel. That original television series had a focus and
came to a conclusion; and since viewers wanted to know more, the author and
producers generated a sequel. "Gone with the Wind" even has a sequel. But
all those stories were stories in themselves before they had sequels. Authors
and producers in the normal literary and film worlds cannot get away with
dumping a story in front of people and saying, "Here. Look at this. We may
give you more if you beg for it fervently enough."
I can only speculate about *why* this story doesn't have an ending. Perhaps
the story is solidly based in truth, and the whole truth would be sad and make
the beautiful sex that we see in this story appear to be eventually
destructive. Perhaps the story got too complex and the author couldn't handle
it. If this were a *bad* story with no ending, I would not be upset.
However, this is an excellent story that becomes completely destroyed by the
absence of an ending.
Ratings for "Good Grief"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 5 (It's not a complete story!)
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 1 (It's not a complete story!)
WORD USAGE: Here are a few problems in word usage that are worth
discussing.
HOSTEL/HOSTILE. I read a story that I won't bother to review because
only one chapter was posted and it didn't inspire me to want more.
However, it offered an interesting example of the possible misuses of a
spellchecker: "Our dates always ended on a hostel note." Well, I
suppose a nice hotel or motel would be better than a hostel; but I
would think that the kid would be satisfied with an inexpensive place
to get his friend into the sack.
IGNORANT/OBLIVIOUS. I found the following in a story I reviewed this
week. It is not, strictly speaking, an error; it's more a matter of
poor word choice.
She swallowed all that came into her mouth, ignorant of
everything but the passion my climax made her feel.
What we need here is a better word for "ignorant." I would recommend
"oblivious." Invariably, my students initially resist my exhortations
to "use big words," but eventually they realize that it's useful to
have a good vocabulary and to choose the right word to express an idea
or feeling. A major difference between the story in which I found this
word and others that receive higher ratings lies in the selection of
the right words. It's not that this is a bad story - it's just that it
could be much better; and word choice (along with understanding of
character, timing, sentence structure, etc.) can help turn a decent
story into an excellent one. (Even though I said this was not
technically an error, I should point out that the choice of "ignorant"
in this sentence would be considered an error on tests like the SAT.)