Celestial Reviews 145 - Dec 21, 1996 (Corrected)
(The only "corrections" are the replacement of smart single quotes with
ordinary single quotes and apostrophes, plus the correction of the title
of Pendragon's "For Now." It is my belief that this solves the problems
in formatting that were caused by my shift to AOL 3.0. Please let me
know whether this is true.)
Note: A reader has requested that I repost my review of “Martine and
Chris” by Clint Quinn. Before I do this, I need some assurance that it
will be reposted. Is anyone willing to repost this story?
Second note: Family activities make it necessary for me to take a break.
This will be the last issue of Celestial Reviews until January 4. Don't
panic! I'll be back.
This issue includes several Christmas and near-Christmas stories. I hope
they give you ideas that help make your holidays more enjoyable.
Third Note: This is my Christmas issue. In this and the previous issue I
have reviewed every story that I could find with a Christmas theme. (In
addition, the first seven reviews are of non-Christmas stories.) If
anyone posts another Christmas story, It will have to wait till next year
- literally. Uther Pendragon notified me that he plans to post another
Christmas story, but I assume that by now you all have sense enough to
download his stories without me advising you to do so. In addition, I
just reposted an immoral parody of the immortal poem “The Night Before
Christmas,” which I think you will enjoy.
Happy Holidays!
- Celeste
“'C' Is for Control” by Dulcinea (consensual control) 10, 10, 10
“Improvisation” by Carrie (exhibitionism and orgy) 9, 7, 7
“Getting Some” by Miss Lucy (rape & bestiality & stuff)
9, 7, 5
“First Black Girl” by Unknown Author (business trip
romance) 9, 8, 8
“Eighteen Fantasy” by Unknown Author (yawn) 6, 3, 3
“My Ultimate Fantasy” by KP (adolescent fantasy) 8, 9, 9
“Faerie Tale I” by Unknown Author (outdoor sex) 10, 10, 10
“A Charlie Brown Christmas” by Unknown Author (Christmas
orgy) 10, 9, 9
“Santa's Cumming” by Kansica (orgy with Santa) 9, 10, 10
“Oh, Christmas Tree” by Dulcinea (sex under the Christmas
tree) 10, 9, 10
“Candy Cane” by Dulcinea (oral sex with Santa) 10, 9, 9
“For Now” by Uther Pendragon (adolescence & romance)
10, 10, 10
* "Here Cums Santa" by Sue (real celebrity sex!) 10, 10, 10
* "Sue Saves Christmas " Paul LeComte (holiday orgy)
10, 10, 10
* "Christmas Presents" by Ruth White (transgender)
8, 10, 10
* Repost of a previous story (because the story itself has
recently been reposted).
“'C' Is for Control” by Dulcinea (Dulcinea97@aol.com). Dulcinea almost
invariably labels her stories as “romantic,” but she omitted the “rom”
from the alphabet soup in the title line of this story. She should have
left it in.
Briefly, the man comes home from a hard day of frustration. His wife
recognizes this; and instead of pampering him, she makes him indulge her
by becoming her sex slave for the evening. A good time is had by all.
This is my kind of bdsm. To be honest, I have never done it the way the
couple do it in this story - I honestly find the spanking to be a bit of
a turn-off. You can call it a hang-up, but I just don't like hitting or
being hit. {Some people don't like anal sex; I do. Some people do like
spanking; I don't. It's no big thing. It's simple preference, probably
based on something in our backgrounds.} What Dulcinea does well is
present mild bdsm in a context that makes the story appear sexy both to
people who are already bdsm hobbyists and to those who have reservations.
The preceding paragraph may have been needlessly preachy. This is a very
good story!
Ratings for “'C' Is for Control”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
“Improvisation” by Carrie (CarrieN007@aol.com). It has been three days
since Carrie has wrapped herself around a man's hardness and she has
really been missing it. So she inserts a vibrator into her pussy and
drives around town in her convertible, delighting in the warm feeling and
basking in the glory of the admiring glances. Then she comes home and
masturbates. The next day she goes to a porn theater and picks up five
guys who come home with her and have wonderful sex with her. After three
of them leave, she introduces herself to the other two and prepares to
continue her orgy.
By the way, this story is a little bit unrealistic.
Ratings for “Improvisation”
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
“Getting Some” by Miss Lucy. Tammy has a roommate who is a tight-assed
puritan, and so she and her boyfriend and his buddy decide to help the
prudish bitch out by kidnapping her on the way home from the library and
taking her to a nice place and raping her. Although the roommate is at
first upset by the disruption to her schedule, Ginny quickly realizes
that it will be best to let her abductors have their way with her, and
she finds a morbid fascination in imagining what they will do with her.
So they take her to the woods and rape her, and while they're doing it
the also rape and sodomize one another. Then some wolves show up and
have sex with them and eventually kill everyone.
By the way, this story is a little bit unrealistic.
Ratings for “Getting Some”
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5
“First Black Girl” by Unknown Author. This is one of the several zip
files currently being reposted. (This one is labeled 1blkgirl.zip) It's
about a white man who goes on a business trip with a black woman with
whose lips he becomes infatuated. After he kisses those lips, he
discovers that those lips serve other purposes as well and that she has
other body parts that likewise induce infatuation. They fuck every which
way they can and then get married and live happily ever after.
Ratings for “First Black Girl”
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
“Eighteen Fantasy” by Unknown Author. This is another zipped repost -
labeled 18fant.zip, I think. It's written from the perspective of a
young woman who operates under the misguided notion that she is a writer
who knows a great deal about human sexuality. I guess the 18 in the
title refers to the girl's age - the story really doesn't say. Anyway,
the girl engages in mild mutual masturbation with her aunt.
I guess if I were studying for a literature course and thought the
teacher had assigned a boring essay, I would possibly consider this to be
a hot story. However, since I was looking for a hot story, I found this
to be a boring essay.
Ratings for “Eighteen Fantasy”
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 3
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 3
“My Ultimate Fantasy” by KP (Edited and repackaged {with consent of the
author} by The Creep). The narrator is some sort of science geek who has
been obsessing over Nicole, a lovely young lady in his gym class who
doesn't know that he exists. He climbs through her bedroom window after
she has fallen asleep reading "Lady Chatterly's Lovers" (probably a
printout of an a.s.s. story based on the novel of similar title by
Lawrence of Arabia), and drugs her with DTM (a cross between LSD, truth
serum, and spanish fly). He shares ecstatic rhapsody with her, but
because of the DTM he is able to leave her there afterwards with fond
memories and no evidence of what has happened. She will simply think she
had a wet dream about one of Mrs. Chatterly's lovers.
Next, our fun-loving hellion uses his knowledge of particle physics to
create a suit that renders him invisible, so that he is able to enter the
girls' locker room unobserved and take numerous titillating and
compromising pictures. For an encore he spikes the punch at a party with
DTM, creating Fuckin' Punch, which somehow affects only the girls. You
might think this would have the effect of making the girls horny targets
for the hormonally imbalanced gentlemen attending the affair; but
actually Our Hero has a surprisingly tender orgy with four beautiful
women and falls deeply in love with one of them.
Well, the title said this would be a fantasy!
Ratings for “My Ultimate Fantasy”
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
“Faerie Tale I” by D-Singer. While I was looking for Christmas stories
for this issue, I came upon this THC repost - fairies, elves - close
enough, I thought. 'Twould be more appropriate for St. Patrick's Day,
but a delightful story this is. The lass who narrates the story has
returned from America to Ireland, where she goes skinny dipping in a
bucolic wilderness stream and is accosted by a brawny lad who mistakes
her for a water nymph. Well, to meet a nymph is good luck, but to have
intercourse with one means death; but the young man figures, “What a way
to go!” They don't actually SLEEP together, so I suppose the guy lived
happily ever after.
Ratings for “Faerie Tale I”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
My Joy in Christ- for Robin (goodnews@christnet.com). It's at least
mildly interesting to speculate what happened here. I downloaded this
story because it sounded like it might fit the Christmas motif that I
wanted to include in this issue of Celestial Reviews. Actually it's the
third chapter of “The Reluctant Film Star” by James Dawson
(Dawson@Dawson.com). I reviewed chapter 1 back in CR 82, and I'll repeat
that review here.
But how did this story get posted under this heading? Is there somebody
over on alt.relgious.experience who is more upset than I am at the
confusion caused by this apparent mispost? Is it possible that the bible
thumpers are getting a little “behind” in their reading? Did Monsignor
or the pastor's wife get his/her posts mixed up? Is there a story for
the Fourth Annual Celestial Writing Contest behind this somewhere.
In the original story Jack has been casting a movie in Moscow. Miss 38DD
(Natasha Zvegintzov) is obviously impressed with the opulent setting of
the hotel. She is overwhelmed at the prospect of getting the acting job,
which will enable her to get away from Moscow. The director tells her
that “they” will need to see what she'll look like in a bikini; but alas,
she has brought no bathing suit. No problem; she can just remove her
dress. Ah, the casting couch; but the innocent girl is too naive to
catch on. “It's standard; and we also need to know whether you can
follow directions.” She exhibits a perfect picture of submissive
femininity as she goes through her informal, impromptu striptease.
Naiveté turns to gullibility when she lets him check her breasts for
implants. She is beginning to learn the hard way that being in the movies
isn't always what it's cracked up to be.
There's not a lot of action in this story - all anticipation; but very
good anticipation. The present chapter seems to continue to be a good
story. I don't plan to review it again until I am confident that it's
finished.
Ratings for “The Reluctant Film Star”
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
“Santa's Cumming” by Kansica (Kansica@aol.com). On a whim, the beautiful
blonde lady decides to have her picture taken with the mall's Santa Claus.
When he asks her what she wants for Christmas, she replies, "Well, mom thinks
I need a man. Could you bring me a gorgeous specimen of a man?"
{At a recent Christmas party, the Santa Claus asked my husband what he wanted.
He replied, “Can I have a copy of your list of naughty girls?” When Santa
demurred, my husband said, “OK. I'll settle for your list of NICE girls.” I
think I'll keep him!}
When Santa asks her if she's been a good girl, she replies that she has been
quite slutty, and she feels his ears with dirty but delicious details. Of
course, she is sitting on his lap during this part of the narrative. Anyway,
Santa assures her that it's sometimes nice to be naughty and asks her to meet
him after work. It seems that Mrs. Claus no longer has much interest in
sexual activity other than missionary style once a month. Santa needs relief
from his hectic life, and he'd like Jennifer to help out. Mrs. Claus has no
objections, but she has insisted that Santa never have missionary-style sex
with another woman. {No wonder Santa laughs so much!} Santa is free to
engage in sexual intercourse in any other position, with the further
stipulation that he videotape each encounter to protect himself from being
sued or arrested for rape. Got your attention yet? Check this story out for
yourself!
Oh! I forgot to tell you - Santa is looking for the right woman to give to
his helpers as a reward for their good work throughout the holidays. They so
seldom have time to indulge in the pleasures of the flesh....
This is a VERY creative and stimulating story!
Ratings for “Santa's Cumming”
Athena (technical quality):9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
“A Charlie Brown Christmas” by Unknown Author. This story was listed as
cbxmas.doc. If you want to find it on Deja News, I would suggest using
“alt.sex.stories Charlie Christmas.” Charlie Brown, Sally, Linus, Snoopy
- the whole gang from Peanuts are more sexually active than we might
think. Indeed, Peppermint Patty and Marcie are lesbian lovers; Lucy has
finally found a better way to approach Schroeder while he plays the piano
and tries to ignore her; and Linus has tried to get some nooky from the
little red-headed girl, but she has been saving herself for Charlie
Brown. Well, Charlie Brown gets a special Christmas present, and a
general orgy ensues. This was the best Christmas ever!
This is a pretty good parody - or perhaps a pastiche - not quite as good
as most of those by Shelby Bush or Uncle Mike, but still pretty good. I
was a bit put off by all the urination - it just doesn't sound like all
that much fun to have somebody piss in my mouth; but other than that I
enjoyed this story.
Ratings for “A Charlie Brown Christmas”
Athena (technical quality):10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
“Oh, Christmas Tree” by Dulcinea (Dulcinea97@aol.com). Every year I try
to make love just one special time under the Christmas tree. So do the
people in this story. It's a very nice custom and a very nice story. As
the song goes,
I saw Momma fucking Santa Clause
Underneath the Christmas tree last night....
Ratings for “Oh, Christmas Tree”
Athena (technical quality):10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
“Candy Cane” by Dulcinea (Dulcinea97@aol.com). This story is NOT about
the REAL Santa Claus. Jan and Tony have been working together at the
Santa Shop in the mall, and after the last evening of hard work Jan goes
down on him and invites him home for an wilder evening of elf sex.
Ratings for “Candy Cane”
Athena (technical quality):10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
“For Now” by Uther Pendragon (anon584c@nyx.du.edu). It was almost
exactly six months ago that I reviewed “Forever,” the first story in the
Bob and Jeanette Brennan saga. I astutely said it was a good story,
expressed a wish that the author would post more stories, and rated it
9.5, 9, 10. I was also pleased as punch that I had recognized Uther
Pendragon as the name of the king who established the Round Table on
Merlin's advice and who subsequently found his true heir (King Arthur)
through the ole sword-in-the-stone test.
Since that time, this author has not only reposted a revised version of
that story - cleaning up the imperfections and earning a 10, 10, 10
rating; he has also posted six more stories in this series, in addition
to a half dozen unrelated stories. At the present time I am going to say
that this is the best story in the series; but I think that may be
comparable to my daughter's annual statement that “This is my best
birthday ever!” which is invariably followed a few months later by “This
is the best Christmas ever!” What I mean is that each successive story
(a) is excellent itself and (b) makes the whole series better. As I read
this story I saw Bob and Jeanette in a completely new setting, and I
learned things about them that made sense, but which I had not thought
about before.
The present story is only indirectly about Bob and Jeanette. It's told
through the eyes of Bob's sister, Vi, a bright 16-year-old who wants to
be a psychoanalyst some day but who is at the present time overwhelmed
with her own problems with her boyfriend. The sexual activity is equally
indirect: we infer only what we can learn from Vi's descriptions of Bob
and Jeanette, while she listens in the room next door while her hot
brother and sister-in-law go at it in his old bedroom.
This is an excellent Christmas story. I loved “The Gathering” episode of
the Waltons, and this is the sexually explicit version of it - except, of
course, that the Brennans are a smaller family and that Bob is Bob's
first name rather than the ubiquitous Walton middle name. The
interpersonal and family relationships ring true in this story; and even
the non-sexual details contribute to the sexuality that Vi observes in
Bob and Jeanette. If this author does not have a degree in psychology, I
hereby bestow an honorary degree upon him.
If you have not read the previous stories in this series, do a favor for
yourself or a loved one this Christmas. Log onto DejaNews on the Web
(www.dejanews.com) and punch in the search words “alt.sex.stories
pendragon.” Download all the stories you find there. The ones that
begin with “For” are the Bob and Jeanette stories. They'll give you a
warm feeling on a cold winter's night.
Ratings for “For Now”
Athena (technical quality):10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Here Cums Santa Claus" by Sue. This story centers around the visit of the
lovely and vivacious Sue (who looks and acts a lot like me, although she
apparently has smaller breasts and nipples that respond slightly more slowly
than mine do to gentle caresses) to the mall's Victoria's Secret shop at the
end of a long day of Christmas shopping. Two libidinous female employees
invite her to join the after hours festivities, at which she will become the
Christmas present for the mall's Santa.
I guess I shouldn't spoil the suspense - but the supposed impostor is the real
Santa himself. (This is where Sue departs a little from reality. Her Santa
is not circumcised. He was the last time I made love to him.) Sue has a lot
of fun with the story, replacing the typical descriptions of sexual activity
with terms and metaphors related to the Christmas season. I checked with my
word processor's "find" function, and the word "musky" doesn't appear even
once; and the only time "rod" occurs is in the middle of "strode," "produced,"
and "prodigious" - the latter not in its usual context in a sex story!
Instead, the aroma emanating from his cock is "the delicate fragrance of apple
blossoms and almonds, with maybe a hint of balsam fir." Santa's rotund cock
is deliciously sweet and fruity. And Santa's sweet candy cane drives deeply
into Sue's fiery open hearth. The only image I found to limp a little was
Santa's offer to let Sue ride his North Pole.
Of course, like any depraved a.s.s. writer, Sue skirts the moral issue: what
about poor Mrs. Claus, waiting chastely at home at the North Pole with all
those tiny but horny little elves? Nevertheless, this story managed to get
the vision of Santa's "sugar plum" dancing in my head. This story definitely
put me into the spirit of things. You'll have to read the story to find out
what Santa said as he rose out of sight.
Ratings for “Here Cums Santa Claus”
Athena (technical quality):10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Sue Saves Christmas" by Paul LeComte (FA27482@UAFSYSB.UARK.EDU).
Two heterosexuals and one lesbian (all geologists) are stranded on
Christmas Eve in a Bolivian desert, bemoaning their lack of holiday
cheer - when what to their wondering eyes should appear? It's Sue -
filling in for Santa Claus. When Sue asks them what they want for
Christmas, they all give the same answer; and so they have to share
Sue, who doesn't seem to mind it at all. This is a delightful story!
Read it with someone you love!
Ratings for “Sue Saves Christmas”
Athena (technical quality):10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Christmas Presents" by Ruth White. Ray (Rachel) and Jack (Janice)
are both computer geeks and crossdressers. Neither is gay; but they
discover that when they want to pass as female in public they can
minimize risk of exposure by having one (dressed as a male) date the
other (dressed as a female).
They like one another. As a grammarian, I stated that last sentence
carefully. If there were only two persons, I would have said, "They
like each other." But actually Ray and Jack like each other; Ray and
Janice like each other; and Rachel and Jack like each other. So they
like one another, although only two of them are ever present at any one
time. Isn't grammar wonderful?
As time passes the guys get better at crossdressing and enjoy taking
greater risks. They are even more successful as computer geeks and
become wealthy. At the annual TV dinner (in San Francisco TV does not
stand for television) Jack wins an award as most improved TV while Ray
takes first place in the evening gown event.
Now at this point, the idea hit me: "Wouldn't it be a great plot if....
"; and that was exactly the plot of the rest of the story. I enjoyed
the story even though I thought I knew how it would end. If you want a
clue, read the next paragraph. If you don't want a clue and prefer to
be surprised by this really creative plot, skip the next paragraph.
Clue: Skip this if you want to be surprised. Clue: Think O. Henry.
Further clue: If you haven't guessed it yet, think "Gift of the Magi"!
If you haven't guessed the plot yet, you're not very familiar with
American literature. Read this story; but then you won't be surprised
when you read O. Henry's story. End of clue. You can resume reading
now.
So they make a bet. Each will live as a woman during the following
year, and whoever does the best job (as adjudicated by the TV club)
will win a vast sum of money and will obtain the services of the loser
as a personal maid for a period of one year. For perfectly sensible
reasons that are too complex to discuss here, they cancel the bet but
continue to live and work as women, and Sally (that is, Walter the
doctor) moves in with them as their maid. It would also be too complex
to explain why Ray finds himself as a client at the Institute for the
Amelioration of Gender Dysphoria. And finally comes the surprise
ending.
As I have read TG stories, I have learned that crossdressers have
problems that we more blasé people hardly even think about. For
example, if a guy is dressed like a girl in a bar and gets carded, what
does he/she do about the picture and information on the driver's
license? And novice male CD's have problems typing with those long
fingernails. I have also learned that TG stories are often very
creative. I have no urge to become a crossdresser myself or to become
sexually involved with one, but I find the ideas in stories like this
one to be extremely creative - not _sexually_ stimulating, but very
creative and _intellectually_ stimulating. Although this story could
benefit from a good proofreading, it is still an exceptionally creative
tale.
Ratings for “Christmas Presents”
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10