Celestial Reviews 144 - Dec 18, 1996
Note: I am compiling my Top 100 List for 1996. It should not surprise you to
know that “First Love” will probably be on that list. It is still not clear
to me who the author is of that story. I would appreciate it if someone would
tell me who wrote that story, so that I do not have to list it as Unknown
Author.
Second Note: I have recently “upgraded” to AOL 3.0. As a result, my postings
have been “improved” by the deletion of my apostrophes and by the insertion of
silly symbols. The Reviews are still readable, but this makes one wonder
whether AOL uses paid programmers when they diddle with their software. I
have been advised (by a non-AOL non-expert) that maybe my problem is that AOL
cannot handle smart quotes and such, which my word processor (which was
designed by real programmers) inserts automatically. So when I post this
issue of CR, I’ll try going back through and delete anything that looks to
modern for AOL. I am going to try to solve the problem by saving this issue
as a plain textfile before loading it into AOL. {Maybe by throwing away some
of my modern advantages I can make my reviews more readable.}
Final Note: I am posting reviews of two Christmas stories in this issue. I
have five more lined up for next issue (“Oh Christmas Tree” and “Candy Cane”
by Dulcinea, “Here Comes Santa” by Sue NH, “Sue Saves Christmas” by Paul
LeComte, and “Christmas Presents” by an anonymous author). Next issue will be
the last before Christmas; and so if you have any more suggestions for
Christmas stories you’d like me to review, or if you know the real name of the
author of the TG story “Christmas Presents,” please contact me as soon as
possible. Also, somebody may like to repost the version of “The Night Before
Christmas” that begins with
Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat.
The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat.
- Celeste
“Puzzled?” by Dulcinea (playful romance) 10, 9, 9
“The Road Not Taken” by Ann Douglas (ff romance)
9.5, 9.5, 10
“The Blow Job” by The Hawk (oral sex) 9.5, 9, 9
“Christmas with the Andersons” by James Boswell (various
orgies, etc.) 10, 10, 10
“The Eternal Youth” by Drow Elf (mm and mf science fiction)
9, 4, 4
“Adult Christmas” by Abby (Santa orgy) 9, 10, 10
“Escort” by Unknown Author (oral sex) 9, 9, 7
“A Little Leg” by Unknown Author (child abuse) 6, 10, 8
“Schoolgirl Rape” by Unknown Author (kiddy rape) 5, 5, 1
“Ellen on Vacation” by Unknown Author (wife watching)
5, 5, 3
“Bosom Bondage Buddies” by Brandy Dewinter (cross-dressing
and bdsm) 10, 10, 10
“Puzzled?” by Dulcinea (Dulcinea97@aol.com). The wife is writing the Great
American Novel, and the husband is trying to convince her to take a break and
help him with a jigsaw puzzle. He whines in a real cute way, and so she gives
in. They make a sexual bet regarding who can find a piece for the puzzle, and
then they do things to distract the other. That doesn’t sound fair, and so I
guess I should have labeled this a “cheating” story. This is another very
short but very sexy story.
Ratings for “Puzzled?”
Athena (technical quality):10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
“The Road Not Taken” by Ann Douglas (annd55@nyc.pipeline.com). Jennifer is a
middle-aged woman whose children are grown and whose sex life with her husband
has not been exactly exciting. She rents her basement apartment to Sally, a
younger Asian woman who is a lesbian. One evening she spies on Sally making
passionate love to Amber, and she begins to rethink her sexual values and
behaviors. On subsequent weekends Jennifer’s voyeurism leads her to discover
that Sally likes to do it with a variety of women and uses some interesting
toys and that she’s into bondage. Voyeurism becomes an important part of
Jennifer’s life as she continues to have coffee with her boarder and
afterwards secretly observe her sex life.
Jennifer is surprised to discover that Sally can keep her sex life separate
from her daily activities and from her work and community involvement.
Furthermore, she concludes that Sally is not a slut, but rather an attractive
woman with an adventurous sex life. On the spur of the moment Jennifer
decides to accompany Sally to a dance, after Sally’s scheduled date suddenly
cancels. I found the bathtub scene during which Jennifer gets ready for her
date to be especially delectable. Of course, the scene in which Jennifer and
Sally eventually make passionate love isn’t exactly cold lasagna either.
Ann Douglas writes truly excellent stories, but once again she messes up the
perspective in this story. Nearly the entire story is told from Jennifer’s
perspective. Just before their date, we suddenly start seeing inside SALLY’S
mind. This simply should not happen. In a way, it’s no big thing - but if we
can have Sally’s thoughts here, why not when she was making love to Amber or
Susan? The author should pick one perspective and stick to it, unless there’s
a good reason to change. In this case, the author should have either (a)
skipped Sally’s thoughts or (b) brought them to our attention in a different
way - as through a conversation with Jennifer.
Grammatical notes: The author says, “Who will it be tonight? ... She didn't
have long to wait, and the answer wasn't who but whom.” The author meant that
Sally was making love to two women rather than just one, and seemed to be
working on the assumption that “who” is singular and “whom” plural. This is
not the case. “Who” is used for the subject of a clause and “whom” for the
object of a clause or preposition. In this case the correct word is “who.”
Second, the author uses the practice of placing a period at the end of
quotations like this:
"This is so exciting." Jennifer thought.
The correct approach is to use a comma, like this:
"This is so exciting," Jennifer thought.
Of course, an exclamation point would also do the trick.
I’m sure Ann will excuse me for apparently picking on her. I feel an urge to
make these suggestions here because I know that a lot of readers who admire
Ann’s stories will see this advice and perhaps become better writers
themselves. I hasten to add that these grammar errors and the weakness in
perspective did not significantly lessen my enjoyment of this excellent story.
Ratings for “The Road Not Taken”
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
“The Blow Job” by The Hawk (trekat@theriver.com). Sheryl has been a nice lay,
but she has shied away from giving head to the narrator of this fine story.
She has been sweet and sexy, but not really passionate during ordinary
intercourse. She just lies down, spreads her long legs, and takes him in; but
for the most part, she is simply compliant and lets him hump her. She becomes
wet and breathes hard, but he is never sure whether she has climaxed or not.
One day she gives in to the oral sex proposition, and then he finds that he
has a tiger by the tail. It would be a waste of time to describe this story
further to you. Just go ahead and read it.
Ratings for “The Blow Job”
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 9.
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
“Christmas with the Andersons” by James Boswell (Jaybos@cris.com). Bobby is
lonely and depressed, because he has to wait around to take his last exam
after all his college friends have gone home for Christmas break. Readers of
this story don’t suffer, however, because Bobby spends his time rehashing a
sexy scene from earlier in the school year. When he finally catches his plane
and goes home, he is met at the airport by his sensual mother and sexy sister
- or maybe it’s vice versa. Then things rapidly become more and more
interesting.
I chose this story because its title had a Christmas theme, and ‘tis the
season. Actually, it’s not all that seasonal. True, Heather gives Bobby a
simple blowjob rather than a complete enfuckment because she has already gone
to confession and doesn’t want to have to go again before going to communion
on Christmas; but I think that’s theologically ambiguous at best. {Heather
must have had different nuns than I did.} But when Laurie boinks the boss at
the office while she’s still full of her husband’s cum from the wake-up call -
well, that could have been opening day of baseball season as well as a few
days before Christmas. On the other hand, the wild session with Stan the Man
in the station wagon did at least start at the office Christmas party; and the
drunken orgy that included Stan’s little brother was really an extension of
what had started earlier.
Meanwhile, back at basketball practice, the lesbian coach has become attracted
by the combination of sexy innocence and sweet sluttiness exuded by Bobby’s
14-year-old sister, Amanda. And then we find Bobby wondering if his sexy
mother is naked while he hears her grunting on the exercise machine in her
bedroom.
Certainly Sherri’s big tits and the way she bangs the hell out of Robert at
the office don’t qualify as a Christmas story. To be sure, Mr. Dawson is
deeply interested in the youth of his community; but since that’s really just
a euphemism for liking his girls a little on the young side, it hardly
qualifies as a Christmas motif.
Ah, here’s a connection: when Laurie is kneading the dough for the Christmas
cookies, she’s really needing a couple of cocks. Then there’s father
O’Sullivan - a kind of Bing Crosby or John Black {for you DOOL fans} with
raging hormones, leading the girls’ choir in practicing carols. In his bed at
night, as he whips his hand up and down his turgid flesh, lost in lust and
guilt, his thoughts have often turned to doing indecent and indescribable
things to sweet Amanda Anderson. What would father O’Mally say about that?
Maybe I’m being too rough. After all, Mrs. Stone does say “Merry Christmas!”
to Bobby after she lures him away from the party and before she pulls a Mrs.
Robinson with him. And when Mrs. Stone’s daughter catches them in the act,
Bobby and Mindy do go at it like reindeer in heat; and Bobby does explain his
absence from the party as “checking out the Christmas decorations.”
Well, it all comes together when they exchange Christmas presents. And later
that night, after all the festivities, while Amanda is gently masturbating in
front of a glowing fire, visualizing in her mind’s eye the special efforts she
had put in to get just the right presents, generally reviewing her year’s
sexual exploits, looking up in the midst of an orgasm to see her big brother
looking down at her....
If the mother’s name had been Carol, we would have a clear musical connection:
“Here we go a’ caroling!” As it is, we’ll just have to settle for that other
Christmas favorite:
“Yes, I need a little pussy,
“Right this very minute....”
This is very hot reading for a cold winter’s night. It has some minor
stylistic flaws, but it’s an excellent story.
Ratings for “Christmas with the Andersons”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
“The Eternal Youth” by Drow Elf. As I understand it, in the year of Our Lord
1716, young Larson was severely beaten by his boss in the presence of a
merchant who then cured his welts with a magic potion, then buttfucked him,
and then cured the ill effects of that process with the same potion. The
result of all that exposure to the magic potion was that young Larson had
become immortal - he would never grow old. Thus ends part 1, which is
followed by a part 2 and a sequel. The story becomes disjointed and
inconclusive. Apparently our immortal hero enjoys both ladies and men. I
suppose there may be a complete story floating around out there somewhere; and
the entire story may actually be good. The problem with these reposting
services is that they sometimes post just part of a story, leaving the reader
with no way to find the rest of the story.
What I liked best about this story was the Tom Swifty this author used as a
tagline:
"Is this sodomy?" asked Tom, half in Ernest.
Ratings for “The Eternal Youth”
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 4
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 4
“Adult Christmas” by Abby (abbywife@aol.com). This is going to be a little
hard to explain: there IS a Santa Claus, but he comes only for selected
families when the woman turns 40 and the youngest child has stopped believing
in Santa. And he’s not an old man; he’s a virile 30-year-old with a wife that
gives great head to male and female alike. And that’s not all; but you really
should read the story to find out about it for yourself. Don’t let the
brevity of this review lead you to believe that this is a weak story. It’s
really excellent!
Ratings for “Adult Christmas”
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
“Escort” by Unknown Author. The woman narrating this story has a Real Oral
Problem. She has tried and tried, but she cannot get a cock big enough to
satisfy her hungry mouth. The solution, of course, is to sign up with an
escort service to fulfill the needs of a young black athlete who is coming to
a college campus pursuant to a basketball scholarship. It turns out that Al
is a shy lad, who spends most of his time practicing his craft and hitting the
books; and so he has no real experience with middle-aged white women who need
to resolve their oral fixations. In addition, his cock is monster only on the
diameter side, just barely tipping 8 inches or so in length. In addition, he
cums too quickly the first time.... In the end <g>, they hit if off pretty
well. Of course, this whole affair constitutes a NCAA rule violation, and no
coach would ever permit it.
As I have said before, I get irritated with the stereotype of black men with
monster cocks. I realize that on this newsgroup penile immensity is a sign of
distinction and should be accepted as a form of flattery, but the insinuation
that black men in general are studs is perhaps a bit demeaning. At least my
brother-in-law, who is a black man, says so. He’s also a deeply religious
person who thinks pornography is the bane of society, and so I don’t have too
many direct conversations with him on the topic. However, my sister has had
intimate verbal and physical intercourse with him, and both she and the
scientific literature state that there is no significant difference in size of
sex organs between black and white males.
The lady in this story should consider other possible solutions to her
problem. First, she should consider the hypothesis that maybe the problem is
that her mouth is too big rather than that her husband’s penis is too small.
In addition, she might consider dating white guys named Bubba with very tiny
necks, since what’s missing from the neck often reappears in the penis - or
so I’ve heard.
Aside from offending my sociological sensibilities, this is actually a pretty
hot story.
Ratings for “Escort”
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
“A Little Leg” by Unknown Author. Mr. Double posts a lot of stories, most of
them better than this one. Here we witness the sexual abuse of a little girl
from the perspective of the pervert who molests her at a cheap roadside
“restaurent.” In a sense the story is realistic. The narrative is written in
a perhaps deliberately quasi-literate style to give readers an impression of
what goes on inside the head of a guy with such limited intelligence and low
emotional stability that he has to pick up little girls in restrooms to attain
some sexual relief.
I think the author has a valid insight into the mind of this kind of sex
pervert. The narrator considers his abuse of the little girl to be harmless
fun, and he thinks he has contributed to her future happiness. I have no
doubt that lots of child molesters feel this way. I also have no doubt that
they are full of shit. I suppose some readers will think this story describes
a really neat activity. I feel sorry for them and suggest that they get
psychological help.
Ratings for “A Little Leg”
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
“Schoolgirl Rape” by Unknown Author. Many years ago, a famous movie actress
who served as the eventual prototype for dumb blonde jokes was seated next to
George Bernard Shaw at a banquet. Trying to make conversation, she sidled up
to him and said, “Gee, Mr. Shaw, just think - if we got married - how smart
our children would be - what with your intelligence and my beauty!” Shaw
replied, “Yes, my dear. But what if they had your intelligence and my
beauty?”
In a similar way, this story combines the weaknesses of the two previous
stories to produce a real loser. Actually there are three stories here, which
could be read separately or in series, although I recommend neither. In the
first two a black guy rapes little white schoolgirls, and in the third he
teaches his son to follow his example.
The main value of stories like this is to foment lynchings. There is a valid
story lurking somewhere in the background, and I suppose black guys who rape
little white girls really are assholes like the man described in this story;
but so are child molesters of any ethnic background. There’s little serious
plot development here. These stories are essentially racist drivel.
Ratings for “Schoolgirl Rape”
Athena (technical quality): 5
Venus (plot & character): 5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 1
“Ellen on Vacation” by Unknown Author. The guy suggests that he’d like to see
his wife have sex with another guy, and so he leaves her with an art student
and comes back and looks in the window while they copulate. He cums when they
cum, but then the art student goes shortly after he cums, and they never see
him again. But they have happy memories. This is sort of like a Dulcinea
story with all the romance left out, with the plot reduced to a trite
narration of a stilted sexual encounter, and with the whole story compressed
into a single paragraph shot full of grammatical errors. If you like that
sort of thing, you may enjoy this story.
Ratings for “Ellen on Vacation”
Athena (technical quality): 5
Venus (plot & character): 5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 3
“Ellen” by Emerson Laken-Palmer. This story, which the author says is
perfectly true, “all started when Danny was nineteen (flunked 1st grade).” He
goes on to say that he was of normal intelligence, but I doubt that, since
most 19-year-olds should be able to pass the 1st grade. His girlfriend was
Linda, who never let him have sex with her. When he’d go for her tits, she’d
say she had to leave, and so their dates would end “on a hostel note.” A
hostel may be as good as a motel in some parts of Europe, but not in this
country.
Danny has a sister named Ellen, who is foxy but has never been on a date,
although she is 18 years old and has a great ass. She looks very cute when
she eats spaghetti. She likes a boy who looks like Alfred E. Newman - the guy
from Mad - the magazine, not the organization, which is spelled in all
capitals and with one more D - not the composer of movie themes who is also
named Alfred E. Newman.
Danny goes to a football game but sees Linda holding hands with his best
friend, and so he goes home and watches TV and diddles Ellen’s virgin cunt,
which makes him feel guilty. He resolves to stop. A few weeks later, when he
finds himself sniffing her panties and then eating her pussy, he realizes this
is “getting out of hand” and resolves to stop even more completely. And so it
goes.
This story is so boring that it probably IS true. What authors need to
realize is that the timing and selection of material is more important than
absolutely complete veracity of details. The sex in this story, when it
finally occurs, is actually pretty hot; but the intervals between are full of
details that do not develop the story. I think there may really be a poignant
story buried deep within these comatose details. If the author needs to “lie”
to us a little to make his point more effectively- fine, go ahead. If I
wanted an anthropological report I wouldn’t be reading this newsgroup.
Ratings for “Ellen”
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5
“Bosom Bondage Buddies” by Brandy Dewinter. Randy and Kelly are happily
married but a little overweight. They need the motivation to lose weight, and
so they set up sexual incentives. This is a very long story, and I’m not
going to try to summarize it here. I will tell you, however, that they did
both manage to lose a lot of weight and to maintain that loss.
I have occasionally been critical of bdsm and sex slavery stories because they
either (a) are written for an inside audience that doesn’t include me or (b)
appear to be about severely dysfunctional people who wallow in degradation.
The present story avoids both of those pitfalls. To be perfectly honest, the
sexual interests of the characters in this story do not overlap much at all
with my own inclinations. For example, I have no great urge to see my husband
wear pantyhose and I don’t want him to shave anywhere except his face. Yet
the author presents these and other activities in such a way as to make me
believe they are sexy - indeed, I found it arousing to read about activities
that I probably would be more inclined to consider ridiculous or even
repulsive in real life. This is the mark of a very good writer - the ability
to present a story in such a way as to appeal to outsiders as well as
insiders.
In addition, it was very clear to me that the people in this story are NORMAL.
I suspect that most people who read and practice sexual bondage and cross-
dressing are equally normal, but in many stories depicting these themes the
characters come across to outsiders as really weird people. When I say that
the people in this story are normal, I am NOT saying that I think most readers
who enjoy these fantasies are ever likely to go as far in real life as these
people do - any more than readers who enjoy more conventional fantasies are
likely to imitate the studs and their companions in more conservative stories.
Both bondage insiders and outsiders should be pleased to find a story that
gives a respectful yet sexy treatment of such characters.
I will repeat that this is a LONG story, and the sex to story ratio is lower
than you will find in most stories on this newsgroup. Some readers will
consider the ratio to be higher - for example, if you enjoy cross-dressing or
have a lingerie fetish yourself, you will be likely to regard as sexy many of
the passages that I found to be interesting but unarousing.
This is an excellent story. It felt like a Vickie Tern story without the
chicanery and intrigue motifs that Vickie usually employs. It’s sort of like
having Vickie Tern write her version of the Trinity Trilogy.
Ratings for “Bosom Bondage Buddies”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10