Celestial Reviews 137 - Nov 23, 1996
Note: I feel compelled to remind readers once in a while to consider
sending a note to the author of a story you like. These people write
these stories for no profit that I know of. They write for their own
pleasure and for yours, and I know for certain that most of them like
to get feedback from their readers. An occasional note from you can go
a long way toward keeping the good stories coming <g>.
Second Note: Somebody has been posting an “alarm” that there’s a
detective lurking out there, looking for people in our newsgroup who
are trying to molest innocent children. Here’s my two-cents worth. If
that’s what the detective is really doing, then God bless him and his
work! I read recently that a man imprisoned for sex crimes has been
posting on the Internet detailed maps of where to find little girls to
molest. That’s what scares ordinary people (and even me, sometimes)
about the Internet. Of course, if that pervert happens to correspond
with a “little girl” that turns out to be a hostile policeman, he has
no way of knowing that over the Internet; and so he stands a good
chance of getting caught. So more power to the cop! If the detective
is somehow violating our rights, on the other hand, I object. My
presumption is that the police are required to treat sex crimes on the
Internet the same way they do elsewhere. This means that they can
arrest and harass only people who are committing crimes, not people who
are reading or writing fantasies. I cannot imagine how the detective
could bother anyone whose stories I have reviewed - unless the author
is doing something more than simply posting stories. My hope is that
while they’re here, the detectives will manage to catch up on some
interesting reading as well.
- Celeste
“While You Were Out” by Deidre Ng (night of passion)
10, 10, 10
“Watching” by Alan Mathews (emerging adolescence &
romance) 10, 10, 10
“The (Fore)Skin Game” by J. Boswell (wife watching)
10, 8, 8
“Lunchtime!” by Dulcinea (quickie at the restaurant)
10, 10, 10
“The Party” by Dulcinea (quickie at the party)
10, 10, 10
“Tina’s Tale” by John Carter (sex slavery & humiliation)
9, 7, 4
“Goth’rotica” by Miss Lucy (spooky sex) 10, 10, 8
“A Night to Remember” by Mary Anne Mohanraj (college
sex) 10, 8, 8
“The Demon on My Shoulder” by R. Stephen Redick (wartime
sex) 10, 9, 9
“The Meeting” by Domn8me189 (bdsm) 6, 6, 4
“Who’s the Boss” by Karl Bojahra (sitcom parody) 4, 4, 4
“An Evening At Home” by MountainTop (D&s) 10, 8, 4
“December Fantasy” by Mark Foster (quickie) 10, 10, 10
“Donna” by Unknown Author (masturbation) 10, 10, 10
* “Home Again” by Ann Douglas (romance) 10, 10, 10
* "The Ballad of Wrangler Jane" by Ann Douglas (Celebrity
sex in the American west) 9, 9, 9
* “Scarlett’s Cove” by Ann Douglas (hot lesbian romance)
10, 10, 10
* “Reception" by Deirdre (ff sex at the wedding
reception) 10, 10, 10
* “Recommendation" by Deirdre (sex slavery &
housekeeping) 10, 10, 10
* “Retreat" by Deirdre (dominance & submission) 10, 9, 9
* “Reward" by Deirdre (sex slavery) 10, 8, 7
* “Rock" by Deirdre (exhibitionism) 10, 10, 10
* “Romance" by Deirdre (ff attraction) 10, 7, 5
* “Roommate" by Deirdre (dominance & bondage) 10, 8, 8
* “Run" by deirdre (I can't describe it - humor!) 10, 9, 8
* “Seat" by Deirdre (new life in an old flame) 10, 10, 10
* “Secretary" by Deirdre (ff preterition) 10, 8, 7
* “Shop" by Deirdre (reluctant exhibitionism) 10, 10, 10
* “Show" by Deirdre (anal sex) 10, 8, 8
* “Sight" by Deirdre (voyeurism) 10, 8, 7
* “Sitter" by Deirdre (varieties of bdsm) 10, 8, 7
* “Slave" by Deirdre (sex slavery) 10, 9, 9
* “Society" by Deirdre (sex slavery) 10, 10, 10
* “Spa" by Deirdre (bondage & anal sex) 10, 9, 9
* Repost of a previous review (because the story has recently
been reposted).
“While You Were Out” by Deidre Ng (Deidre Ng@aol.com). As you may have
hear by now, the bureaucrats at AOL erased all of the stories from the
Ng Sisters’ web site. This is known in Catholic theology as a felix
culpa. Culpa (fault or sin), because it was a lousy thing to do.
Felix (happy), because the upshot is that Deidre is now reposting all
of those stories, which means that those of you who have not yet seen
the entire Ng opus will get your chance now.
In her e-mail message notifying me of our Redemption, Deidre said that
she actually started reading a.s.s, and told Tammy how pitiful it was,
and how “even they” could do better than most of the lame stories, and
got their first stories posted, just before I started reviewing. That
means that I’ll have to write a few new reviews, but I’ll also repost
my old reviews whenever I notice one of the stories reposted. I might
add that this newsgroup has come a long way since the first stories of
the Ng Sisters. Their stories still stand out as excellent, but they
have a lot more company nowadays.
This first repost takes the form of a message from Deidre on Tammy’s
answering machine. Deidre speculates about what her sister is probably
doing instead of answering the machine and describes her own recent
experience at the St. Regis hotel, where after a long day Deidre’s
boyfriend dropped by and lit up her life. The author describes the
foreplay and penetrations in intimate detail.
As an English teacher, I was most interested in the punctuation of this
sentence.
I started to beg for him to fuck me, just little
panting "fuck me, fuck me please"s.
How DOES one make plural a phrase that’s in quotes when the item within
quotes is itself singular. As far as I know, the author got it right.
I’m going to defer further thought on this problem for one of those
occasions when my husband is trying to embarrass me by getting me
turned on in public and I need something really boring and insipid on
which to concentrate.
All I can say is that Tammy’s answering machine takes a lot longer
message than mine does!
Ratings for “While You Were Out”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
“Watching” by Alan Mathews (alanmath@hotmail.com). I got lucky
tonight. No, not the way you think, although that happened too. I got
lucky because my lessons for the rest of the week have been so well
prepared over the years that I could afford to blow off about three
hours reading this story. Sometimes a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s
gotta do.
The boy and the girl first meet when the school bus breaks down and it
gets cold and they have to share his coat. She’s 13 and he’s 18, but
she’s beautiful and he has a crush on her. They don’t have sex. She
falls asleep in his arms, and he doesn’t even masturbate. She kisses
him gently when she eventually gets off the bus. That’s the kind of
story this is going to be. But the action picks up quickly.
Circumstances require Jenny to leave home; and since Alex happens to
live alone most of the time he takes her in. Soon we discover that
sleeping together and showering together leads to a certain level of
intimacy. The sexual activities come across as both innocent and sexy.
The story includes a genuine, interesting plot. This is a really sexy,
romantic story.
A minor problem is that the story contains numerous irritating errors.
For example, the author consistently uses “to” instead of “too.” Dr.
Mathewson becomes Dr. Sampson a few paragraphs later. My advice to you
is to ignore the errors and just enjoy the story. It’s excellent!
Ratings for “Watching”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
“The (Fore)Skin Game” by James Boswell. This is Another Hot Wife Tale.
The man and his wife have been happily married for ten years. When
Mike comes for a week-long visit, he brings with him his ten-inch,
three-inch in diameter, uncircumcised cock, the likes of which the wife
has never seen before. The husband eagerly shares his wife with his
studly friend; and, of course, the result is that (1) the husband and
wife are more deeply in love with each other than ever before and (2)
they are looking around for more studs to share with.
Ratings for “The (Fore)Skin Game”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
“Lunchtime!” by Dulcinea (Dulcinea97@aol.com). Some people need to
break major taboos in order to get a thrill. They need to have anal
sex with a parent or sibling or at least torture a nun. For my part,
this story is taboo enough for me. The very idea of making my husband
late for work by seducing him at lunchtime is all the taboo I can
handle right now. And Dulcinea tells the story so nicely!
Ratings for “Lunchtime!”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
“The Party” by Dulcinea (Dulcinea97@aol.com). The officer’s wife is
bored with the party. She slips away to the master bedroom and soon
one of the officers meets her there for a romantic romp before they
rejoin the others. Dulcinea’s stories are simple and sweet, and
sometimes that’s very nice.
Ratings for “The Party”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
“Tina’s Tale” by John Carter (docs.dgsys.com). Tina is a sex slave.
She has a collar and a Master, and she is at first on display like a
slab of meat for strangers to kick around and treat as they wish.
Eventually people fuck her in really unpleasant ways, which she enjoys.
As I have said many times before, there are apparently sane and
sensible people who will enjoy this story more than I did. To me, it’s
like reading a story about how a person eats some spoiled food, gets
sick as hell, vomits, and then asks for some more of the food. I know
there are people who enjoy being sick and vomiting; I just have trouble
understanding their point of view.
Ratings for “Tina’s Tale”
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 4
“Goth’rotica” by Miss Lucy (archer77@ix.netcom.com). Miss Lucy is an
Internet porn writer who gets hired to transcribe and rewrite notes for
an apparently maniac lesbian doctor who lives and works in a gothic
mansion that seems to be inhabited by gargoyles and other strange
spirits who have an interest in Miss Lucy. Her only confidante is the
doctor’s brother, a defrocked priest who is a virgin except for a woman
in Boston, the monster in his bedroom, and now, of course, Miss Lucy
herself, whom he uses as bait to lure the gargoyle with two dicks into
her cunt so that he can capture it.
I’m not much of a fan of gothic horror stories. I enjoy looking at
gargoyles on buildings, but I have vaguely suspected that they are
imaginary creatures; and it has never occurred to me that any of them
would have two penises or that I might ever have sex with one of them.
So gothic horror fans may enjoy this story more than I did. It’s very
well written, and the plot (which I won’t further disclose to you) is
highly creative.
Ratings for “Goth’rotica”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
“A Night to Remember” by Mary Anne Mohanraj (mohanraj@mills.edu).
Three college girls are lounging around telling Can-You-Top-This?
stories about their sexual exploits. Not all that much really happens.
This is a weak story for Mary Anne, but very good for most other
authors.
Ratings for “A Night to Remember”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
“The Demon on My Shoulder” by R. Stephen Redick (burrito@mc.net). This
story is confusing, but deliberately so. It describes the sexual
adventures of a couple of American soldiers with prostitutes in Vietnam.
The sex takes place in the midst of chaos and violence - probably pretty
much the way it often really happened. I am not an expert on war-zone
sex, but this seemed very realistic to me.
Ratings for “The Demon on My Shoulder”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
“The Meeting” by Domn8me189 (Domn8me189@aol.com). The woman has talked
to the man on-line, and now she is meeting him for the first time. He
pulls a switchblade knife on her, makes her get into his car, requires
her to use the seat belt to secure herself for safety, and then begins
to diddle her with a dildo while she drives to a remote area to be
raped. Actually, it’s not rape after all, but rather a fulfillment of
a desire to be dominated. Afterwards, the guy doesn’t kill her or dump
her on the roadside; instead he makes an appointment to rape her again
sometime at her convenience. I found the grammar to be bad and the
plot to be simplistic. Apparently the author sponsors a whole
newsletter for people looking for more of this genre.
Ratings for “The Meeting”
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 6
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 4
“Who’s the Boss” by Karl Bojahra (karl_bojahra@bc.sympatico.ca). This
story ends with these words: “comment pleas? suggestions?” My comment
is that if this is the first attempt by a person who does not speak
English and has also not fully mastered his own language, then it’s a
good first attempt. Otherwise, here are my suggestions: (1) The author
should follow at least some of the rules of English grammar. (2) When
writing a parody, the characters should in some respect resemble the
characters in the work being parodied. That means that Tony (usually
spelled with a capital T) and Angela should act like Tony and Angela in
the TV sitcom. If this author wants to become a real writer, he should
read some of the excellent parodies by Shelby Bush and Uncle Mike and
try again.
Ratings for “Who’s the Boss”
Athena (technical quality): 4
Venus (plot & character): 4
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 4
“An Evening At Home” by MountainTop (Topspace4@aol.com). The man is
spending an evening at home with his wife and another couple,
describing to them the beauties of the dominant/submissive
relationship. To demonstrate one of his points, he says to his wife,
“Bedroom, strip, bed, back, spread." Sure enough, the little lady
gracefully and swiftly carries her cute little ass into the bedroom,
where they join her - her arms and legs reaching for the four corners
of the bed in the classic spread-eagle position, her bra, apron, and
thong removed, and eager to please her Master. And so it goes.
This story presents a clear but not especially inspiring picture of
somebody’s version of the ideal dominant/submissive relationship. I
myself am a freedom freak. I could be wrong, but I think the basic
urge of human nature is to be free and to want to be in control of
one’s own fate. I’ll grant that this is an unattainable ideal, and
impossible dream; but my husband and I have been able to achieve a
free-spirited love and sexuality that make us very happy people. As I
have said many times before, I don’t see the point in wanting to be a
toy at someone else’s disposal. I have assumed that societies do a
good thing when they free their slaves. I really do like it when my
husband “dominates” me - and he likes it when I do the same to him; but
our domination does not involve becoming mindlessly subservient to the
other, which is what this story portrays.
Estragon writes stories from a perspective opposite (or complementary)
to this one. Estragon writes about women dominating men. I don’t
agree with Estragon’s philosophy any more than I agree with this one.
I personally think that I demean myself if I demean my lover. However,
Estragon writes in such a way that I can see the point of the femdom
policy she (?) is promoting; in the case of the present story I cannot
see the point.
Having said this, I’ll add that I DO see the value in selfishness,
which is what I think this story is about. If I am always giving and
never taking, then I am depriving my husband of a chance to give.
Ditto for him. So there is a value in both of us being temporarily a
“slave” to the other. This story simply does not do a good job of
presenting that notion in a perspective that makes sense to me as a
rational reader.
Again, I want to add that I am not totally anti-bdsm. In the last
issue I praised Ann Douglas for doing a good job of introducing bdsm
activities into “Sandy.” The key difference is that Sandy came across
as an intelligent person who did things for a reason and happened to
have tastes that differed from my own.
My advice to submissives is to arise! You have nothing to lose but
your chains! I was in a bad mood when I wrote that last sentence.
Actually, if you are a submissive and like it that way, kiss your
Master’s asshole (while it’s oozing fecal matter, if possible),
apologize humbly for listening to Celeste, ask him to kick you in the
head with a steel-plated shoe, and then bring him to a roaring orgasm,
if the preceding activities have not already accomplished that. There!
That’s a much happier ending to this review.
Ratings for “An Evening At Home”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer):4
“December Fantasy” by Mark Foster. Two lovers have stolen away for a
quiet lunch and are gazing out the window at a beautiful December day.
They decide that it might be OK to be a little late getting back to
work. They are eventually more than a little late, but they have had a
delightful time. This is well-written, hot, romantic sex.
Ratings for “December Fantasy”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer):10
“Donna” by Unknown Author. This is another one of those THC reposts
that make it impossible to identify the actual author. Donna is a very
prim and proper lady who is nonetheless multiorgasmic and is having an
affair with the narrator. He discovers that she doesn’t know how to
masturbate, and so he teaches her. The voyeurism of the lesson quickly
gets the instructor going himself, and so the action heats up. This is
pretty good stuff, especially when you consider that sometimes the
person reading the story may be doing a solo performance him/herself.
The story concludes with a recommendation that we watch for more
stories about the adventures of Donna. I’d like to know who this
author is, so that I can watch for more stories by him/her.
Ratings for “Donna”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer):10
* “Home Again” by Ann Douglas (annd@pop.tiac.net). A.C. has come home
to visit his childhood haunts, and he meets Mary Austin, the 45-year-
old mother with a still great body who is the mother of Josh, one of
A.C. closest childhood friends. We eventually discover that she was
also the target of some of A.C.’s adolescent masturbation fantasies.
This author takes her time developing a plot. The first 2 parts (of 7)
are not exactly devoid of sex; we do learn that A.C. used to date Jenny
Wilson with whom he traded cherries on prom night and whose sister was
nicknamed Kleenex Karen because of her proclivity to fill the partial
vacuum in her bra with that product, and also that Josh’s sister Dawn
Marie had fucked the whole football team before moving out of the
family domicile right after her 18th birthday. The author also lays a
basis for future sexual possibilities by letting us know that Mr.
Austin is deceased and that during his adolescence A.C. had once seen
Mrs. Austin naked and by arranging for A.C. to stay overnight while he
waits for Josh to come home in the morning. But in general A.C. and
Mary just have dinner and engage in interesting conversation.
So the author spends nearly 4 out of 7 parts with nothing more than
innuendo and build-up; but when the sex comes it’s both tender and hot.
I love this kind of story. Read it yourself for the details.
I secretly wish that Ann Douglas would get somebody to proofread her
stories. She develops wonderful plots that give full personalities to
people having hot sex, and then she makes annoying mistakes that keep
me from giving her perfect ratings; and then I often have to decide
whether to let a imperfect story onto my Top 15 list for the month. I
mean, surely Ann knows the difference between a dinner and a diner and
between celibate and celebrate. The problem is that Ann knows what the
words are supposed to be, and so she probably skips right past them;
and this is just the sort of mistake that a spellcheck doesn’t pick up.
The solution is to have one intelligent person go through the story
before it gets posted. Let this be a lesson to you.
Finally, a word of advice. It’s nice to shower together before anal
intercourse, but the shower removes the natural lubricants from both
bodies; and so the penis is likely to be even drier than usual. The
problem of dry skin is compounded by the fact that a person’s anal
canal does not produce natural lubrications for sexual intercourse, as
the vagina would. Using Vaseline to solve this problem is not a great
idea, because that product tends to seal off the body’s natural
lubricants, when they do begin to flow. My own experience is that
saliva is a better idea than Vaseline at both the front and back door.
By far the best solution is a lubricant specifically designed for this
purpose, such as K-Y jelly. I guess this gives away part of the plot,
doesn’t it?
Ratings for “Home Again”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "The Ballad of Wrangler Jane" by Ann Douglas (annd@pop.tiac.net).
This story is a parody of the F Troop television series that appears
regularly in syndication on American cable television. There's really
not a lot of sex in the story; the first two thirds are devoted to
build-up and making the characters compatible with the original series.
I have never in my life watched an entire episode of F Troop, so I
don't know how well the story works as a parody. Assuming the author's
characterizations fit, this is a pretty good story of the female
heroine making love to an Indian princess.
Ratings for “The Ballad of Wrangler Jane”
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
* “Scarlett’s Cove” by Ann Douglas (annd@pop.tiac.net). As I
understand it, Ann Douglas has become anxious about the possibilities
of censorship and related repression on the Internet and has withdrawn
from posting her stories with this newsgroup. I heard she has started
her own newslist, to which she circulates her stories, and so I thought
she wasn’t going to post on a.s.s. anymore. Therefore, I was surprised
to find this story in the postings. I don’t know how it got there, but
I’m glad it did.
The story centers around the visit of two friends to a Caribbean Club
Med type resort that caters to lesbians and bisexuals. Although both
women are lesbians, they are not habitual lovers - just friends. After
some preliminary fun, Jeanette finds that Arlene has entered her into a
sort of charity bachelor auction - the other women will bid to have
Jeanette for their date for the evening. I think I have told you
enough about the story. It’s a hot plot with hot sex. I might add
that Jeanette is a high school teacher and many of us often wish we
could touch our favorite students the way she does - but somebody might
take that comment the wrong way.
Ann writes many different kinds of stories, and I enjoy them all; but
this story is a good example of what Ann does best: an interesting and
sexy plot woven into an exotic environment embellished with accurate
information about varied cultures. In addition, the author enriches
the narrative with sexy flashbacks and side plots that heighten the
tension and allure of the main storyline.
As I have said many times before, although I suspect that all sensible
women would enjoy sexual activities like those described in this story,
I myself have never engaged in full genital lesbian or bisexual
activity. However, after reading this story, my defenses have begun to
crumble. If by some chance I would ever be bereaved of this wonderful
guy that humps me on demand like Mark Aster’s studly hero and then
found myself on an exotic Caribbean island with a beautiful, rich
former student who was professing her love for me after purchasing me
for an exorbitant price in a charity auction - well, I might give it a
thought. Hell, I think I’ll give it a thought right now!
I’m reminded of the words of my daughter, who every year proclaims that
“this is my best birthday ever.” This is the best story ever by Ann
Douglas.
Ratings for "Scarlett’s Cove"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* Deirdre-mania: As near as I can figure, there are at least two
persons frantically reposting all of Deirdre’s stories. For my own
part, I am trying to keep up by posting 15-20 reviews of Deirdre’s
stories in each issue of CR. On this festive occasion, I'm going to
give you some biographical background on this most prolific of a.s.s.
authors. Let me point out the Deirdre is a very private person; and I
actually have no direct information about her. Therefore, everything I
say in the following biographical sketch is either a shrewd inference
or a pure fabrication. You be the judge.
Although we have never met, sometimes I feel very close to Deirdre; and
this qualifies me as her biographer. I often think of her as the
sister I never had, sharing the bedroom that we never shared while we
stayed awake until the wee hours, discussing strategies for using the
devices in the basement we never had to sexually subjugate the mother
we never had.
If I am right in my conjectures, Deirdre was born about 37 years ago in
either Muncie Indiana or Buffalo New York. She was loved by her
parents and got along well with everyone except her sister, whom she
regarded (with good reason) as a promiscuous slut. She was a very good
student through high school, but she remained inconspicuous, except for
her starring role on the school's losing volleyball team. In her real
life her friends even today refer to her by an ironic nickname that
derives from the fact that she could never spike the ball effectively -
but why would an outstanding setter care about that?
Deirdre attended college at either Wabash or Indiana University (if the
Muncie birth theory is correct) or at one of the excellent state
colleges in the New York system (if the Buffalo theory is correct).
However, it is my understanding that she eventually graduated from the
University of Texas, where she majored in journalism with a minor in
education and where she met her future husband, who has doted on her
and to whom she has been faithful for the past twelve years. Deirdre
has two children, Bradley and Stephanie - both born within wedlock,
although there is a distinct possibility that the latter was conceived
as a result of sexual activity in the doggie position rather than Roy's
more preferred missionary approach.
While she was in college, Deirdre took a course on Freudian psychology,
during which she wrote term papers on the Id and the Oedipal and
Electra complexes. Those are the only topics she still remembers from
that course, and that influence still shows in her erotic writing. Her
other favorite course was American Literature, which was taught by an
elderly professor who did his doctoral dissertation on e.e. cummings.
Although she was infatuated with the old guy, he was in fact a
doddering fool; and his only influence on Deirdre's writing can be
found in her decision to use the lower-case d as the first letter in
her nom de plume.
Deirdre and Roy, now live with their two children and three cats in
Sulphur Springs, Texas, where she teaches fifth grade in a public
school and works part-time as the manager of a local fast-food
restaurant specializing in ice-cream desserts. The inspiration for
most of her stories comes from listening to conversations in the
teachers' lounge and from observations of all the lonely people who buy
ice cream from her.
Of course, as far as this newsgroup is concerned, the most important of
Deirdre's characteristics is the fact there is reason to believe that
she is Sherwood Anderson reincarnated. Anderson's bizarre spirit has
pervaded her life and has influenced her reaction to the Freudian
psychology course, to her marriage, to the mysterious hand fondling her
ass when she rode the elevator in Chicago, and to most of the other
events in her life. However, although Anderson was resented and
actively hated by the citizens of Clyde, Deirdre is quite popular in
Sulphur Springs - mostly because she has had the good sense to remain
anonymous.
The second most important influence on Deirdre's literary life was a
beautiful, vibrant, and intelligent high school English teacher, who
turned her on to literature and inspired Deirdre with an insatiable
urge to do likewise to others through her own writing.
Like Anderson, Deirdre is a Virgo; but this is not really an important
fact, since most Virgos don't put much stock in horoscopes anyway.
Deirdre selected her pseudonym in honor of Deirdre Bair, the biographer
of Samuel Becket (who strongly influenced her writing style) and of
Simone de Beauvoir (who influenced her feminist attitudes, which are
seldom apparent in her erotic writings).
There has been a certain amount of speculation in this biographical
sketch. But what the heck! Some of it might be true!
"Reception" by Deirdre. During the reception the maid-of-honor and the
bride go to the hotel room to refresh themselves. Before they went to
the room they had never felt or shown any attraction toward each other.
When they return to the reception, this is no longer true. All I can
do is repeat: Deirdre is the Sherwood Anderson of a.s.s.
Ratings for “Reception”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Recommendation" by Deirdre. Joan has a spotless house, which is the
envy of her friend. This friend decides to hire the same cleaning
girl. At the end of the first paragraph I have figured out the plot of
the story: the cleaning girl has turned Joan into a sex slave and now
forces Joan to clean her own house in return for being allowed to lick
the cleaning girl's cunt. The cleaning girl will impose the same
conditions on the friend.
I was pretty close! Note quite, but close enough. Even if you know
all this ahead of time, I think you'll still enjoy the story.
Ratings for “Recommendation”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Retreat" by Deirdre. The man and his wife were hiking in a secluded
area, when they were surprised to see a group of women hikers. I
reread this part carefully. Nope, the hikers were not naked; every one
of them was wearing shorts and sneakers. I checked the first lines of
the story. Yes, it was by Deirdre. I was confused. Why were these
damsels walking fully clothed through a forest in a Deirdre story? Why
was no one carrying a whip? How could they have anal intercourse with
all those clothes on? I surmised that maybe they were being forced to
take a hike fully clothed as a form of humiliation. I decided to read
on.
Aha! In the next paragraph there are fifty men standing naked in a
parking lot! Now the story makes sense. Behind each man is a woman
with a whip. As you have probably guessed by now, this was one of
those retreats that are so popular among yuppy lawyers - sort of a
marriage encounter group where the men get naked in the great outdoors
and let their significant other females beat and humiliate them. The
woman likes the idea so much that she promises her husband that she'll
suck his cock if he'll please go on the retreat with her. At this
point I thought I had the whole story figured out, but I was wrong:
there were some interesting twists in the plot yet to come.
Ratings for “Retreat”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Reward" by Deirdre. What there is of this story is well written;
there just isn't much to it. The woman has the guy doing lots of
things that he wouldn't like to do in order to be allowed to have sex
with her. She apparently gets rewarded herself by the mysterious John.
My parents always told me I had to eat my spinach before I could have
my dessert, but Deirdre's lady manages to reverse this order
effectively.
Ratings for “Reward”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
"Rock" by Deirdre. The man and his wife go for a walk deep into the
woods. He tells her to take off her clothes. She surprises herself by
agreeing and soon finds herself atop a huge rock with him licking her
cunt. As she starts really getting into it, she notices two college
girls watching in the distance. When she mentions them to her husband,
he suggests that she wave them over. Things get pretty hot, but maybe
not in exactly the way you would expect.
Ratings for “Rock”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Romance" by Deirdre. There really isn't enough here to call this a
story. Two women are checking out videotapes, and one rents a tape
that apparently involves a hot romance between two women. The narrator
knows that she herself is attracted to the other woman, and she
interprets their conversation about the tape as an innuendo that maybe
the feeling is reciprocal.
Ratings for “Romance”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5
"Roommate" by Deirdre. A woman is visited by her college roommate, who
immediately strikes up a friendship with a couple who were her high
school friends. The woman wakes up in the middle of the night and
finds the roommate having sex with her mother. Almost immediately it
escalates to where the roommate is having anal sex with the mother
while giving a hand job to the woman; and then the high school friends
come over and join the festivities. What is striking about this story
(as is the case with many of Deirdre's tales) is that she makes such
outrageous behaviors seem so natural and plausible.
Ratings for “Roommate”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Run" by deirdre. Here's what happened. I had five new deirdre
stories on my hard disk, and I only wanted to review two of them. In
addition to writing these reviews and teaching English, I run and study
karate. So I decided to read "Run." I've always enjoyed fantasies
about sex among runners; and I once lived out a fantasy by running in
front of some guy and wiggling my ass to turn him on. I never even
spoke to the guy, but I'll bet he had the mother of all jock rashes by
running with a raging hard-on for about three miles. So "Run" was my
choice for the second story. Only this story is about a guy who is
living with his sister who makes him dress like a girl so that her
married boyfriend will get turned on by thinking they're being watched
by a female voyeur, but the boyfriend decides to screw the girl (who is
really a guy) and the whole thing develops into a group bdsm gangbang
with the boyfriend's wife and friends. Deirdre says that some of the
things she writes about are just fantasies! Really? I thought this
story was hilarious. Deirdre writes in such a way that I was
constantly surprised by what happened next. I think people will enjoy
this story - even if they're not expecting a sensual trot in the park,
like I was. Jane Austen would not approve of this story.
Ratings for “Run”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Seat" by Deirdre. Dammit! I write a carefully prepared introductory
note, pointing out that my ratings have been too high and resolving to
really stick it to the authors from now on; and then I give three 10's
in a row to Deirdre. It's gotta be mind control! Why can't she just
give me orgasms or make me her sex slave? But no, she has to go out and
write three good stories that demand a 10 rating for each. Life really
sucks sometimes - but that's not all bad.
Anyway, after 14 years of marriage, the husband and wife in this story
seemed to have fallen into a rut. Brad told his wife she'd always say
she was tired and he got so discouraged being turned down that he
stopped asking. (Incidentally, when dogs are in a rut, it's a
different thing. The rut these people had fallen into is related to
the English "route." The animal activity is derived from the French
word "ruit," which means "roar." Just thought I'd mention that.) To
break out of the rut, the husband suggests that they vow to make love
twice within the next week. They keep the vow, and the wife enjoys it.
She expects him to suggest that they make this vow permanent; but
instead he suggests a different vow: that she promise to *initiate* sex
twice within the next week.
So far this sounds like what a creative, competent marriage counselor
would suggest. But then things get out of control. Or do they?
You'll have to read the story to find out.
Ratings for “Seat”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Secretary" by Deirdre. "Preterition" is a technique I learned about
in a college rhetoric class. It refers to the strategy of bringing
information into a conversation or debate by deliberately and obviously
claiming to omit it. For example, a man might say to his neighbor,
"...and I'm not even going to mention the time your wife gave me head
while you thought she was looking for her fork under the table at
Delmonico's last week." This story is a preterition of sorts: the
narrator gives us a titillating tale by telling us what she's not going
to tell us. It's pretty interesting!
Ratings for “Secretary”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
"Shop" by Deirdre. "You should always check out a bikini with the top
off. You might go to some European beach...." That's not a hormonally
imbalanced adolescent talking to his girlfriend. It's a saleslady
talking to the sweet young thing who has tried on a bikini that the
customer herself considers to be far too skimpy. The saleslady soon
finds a ally in the woman's shopping companion, who joins the
discussion with, "Come on; your husband would like to see you in that
bikini, wouldn't he? And with the top off too!" Soon a small crowd of
consultants gathers, with everyone encouraging her to remove the top.
Our heroine is now teetering on the edge of disaster: will she follow
the prompting of these servants of Satan and eat the apple or change
back into her demure clothing and retain her right to the Garden of
Eden? I'm not telling! This bizarre, surrealistic story shows Deirdre
at her best. I've often had the same dream, but for some reason
Deirdre omitted the ferret.
Ratings for “Shop”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Show" by Deirdre. Here we have a game show that resembles Wheel of
Fortune, except that it depends entirely on chance - the players don't
have to know any words. Oh, and I forgot to mention that whenever a
player goes bankrupt, she gets screwed in the ass by her husband or his
proxy standing behind the booth. The story's emphasis is completely on
the humor; the sex isn't very vivid at all.
Ratings for “Show”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Sight" by Deirdre. The neighbor comments to the woman that her
husband must surely be great in bed. The woman concludes that maybe
this sexy neighbor has designs on her husband. Then she happens to see
the neighbor making passionate love to her boyfriend on the balcony.
That's all there is! This is a really hot descriptive passage, but
it's not really a story - it's just an excellent snippet that could
become part of a really good story.
Ratings for “Sight”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
"Sitter" by Deirdre. "Third Rock from the Sun" is a sitcom on American
network television about a group of aliens from outer space who have
come to earth and reside in human bodies but have trouble adapting to
the customs of our society. Sometimes I feel equally out of place
reading a Deirdre story; and I'm never really sure whether it's myself
or her characters who are out of step with reality. I guess the people
in this story would be considered either strange or dysfunctional, but
those are rather harsh labels. After all what harm is there in a
blindfolded mother fondling her blindfolded daughter while the girl
eases herself onto the cock of a neighbor bound spread eagle on a bed
and the mother eases her muff into his face? After all, they're all
consenting adults. And why would we be surprised or upset to notice
that both women were chained to a hook on the ceiling while they did
this? And what young girl wouldn't be at least a little excited to
whip another naked young woman or to fondle the breasts of the
dominatrix while watching all this? I mean, it's not as if these
people are embezzling money from retirement communities or creating
mayhem on the highways.
What troubles me about Deirdre's stories is that I get ideas. I rarely
get sexually excited while reading the stories, but I start wondering
about things. Like that little old lady up the street. Maybe she's
not so lonely after all. Is she perhaps naked under her raincoat? Is
that really an umbrella in that bag or could it be a whip? Do those
two old men really drive her to church on Sunday? When the minister
visits, why is he always smiling? It gets worse. I saw Hillary
Clinton on TV the other day. She smiles a lot for no apparent reason.
There's a basement in the White House, and I'll bet there are hooks all
over the place. And handcuffs. And her husband sometimes really does
seem subjected to some sort of mind control. And then there's that
attractive woman that's married to Sadam Husein.... Deirdre really
does make me think sometimes.
Ratings for “Sitter”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
"Slave" by Deirdre. Imagine this. You meet a female friend who is
accompanied by a very quiet woman. When you ask, who's your friend,
she replies, "She's not a friend. She's a slave." I must live a
sheltered life, because I've never had such a conversation - outside a
teachers' lounge, of course. However, the follow-up is fairly common
in a.s.s. stories. The woman who asked the question says, "Yeah!
Right!" and begins to leave. Her friend then says, "You don't believe
it?” Just watch." She then turns to the slave and says "Go with Joann
and do what she tells you." I remember the same thing happening on a
documentary on late-night cable television; but it was about astronauts
living in Cocoa Beach, and the slave's name was Jeanie. The ending was
also a little different. This story is an interesting example of
Deirdre's ability to tell a sexy story in which there is emphatically
absolutely no sex at all.
Ratings for “Slave”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Society" by Deirdre. A woman gets invited by two colleagues to attend
the noon-time meeting of the Society for the Advancement of Women In
Their Twenties. The woman (who is 42) wonders about the propriety of
such a club, but the others point out to her that most women want to be
like women in their twenties - they try to look like women in their
twenties, and often they lie about their ages, claiming to still be in
their late twenties. But ironically women in their twenties are at the
bottom of the ladder when it comes to jobs: lower than older women and
lower than all men. Although they have what everyone wants, society-in-
general controls them and limits their freedom.
OK, so here's a multiple choice question: how do you think SAWTT will
advance the lifestyle of women in their twenties? Will the society's
program involve (a) assertiveness seminars, (b) brown bag luncheons,
(c) karate training, (d) whips and anal sexual activities? Hint: The
meeting takes place in a large, unmarked aluminum building in an
industrial park area, with a door in front and very few windows. This
story is so bizarre that it's really interesting!
Ratings for “Society”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Spa" by Deirdre. Rita and her boyfriend visit the spa together, and
Rita surprises him by suggesting that they stay after everyone else
leaves and have sex there. They hide in the locker rooms; but alas!
they get caught. What will their punishment be? Do you think they
will be turned over to the local law enforcement agency to be
prosecuted for trespassing? Or do you think this muscular jock and
beautiful babe who found them will find it in their hearts to forgive
them? And why doesn't Rita seem quite as surprised as she should be?
What can you do to a person sexually with all those bars and equipment
in a spa? And will there be a video camera involved? This is a very
good story. Although Deirdre doesn't describe sexual activities with
the mellifluous detail of a play-by-play announcer, one of her
strengths is that she doesn't waste words. A lot of what you'll get
from a Deirdre story will come from your own head rather from what
Deirdre actually says. This is a good example of that technique.
Ratings for “Spa”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9