Celestial Reviews 117 - September 14, 1996
Note: There has been an incredible amount of noise on a.s.s. lately.
According to my AOL postings, there were 118 new postings between Friday and
Saturday mornings. Eighty-five of these were non-stories. Eight of those 85
appeared to be requests for stories or comments about previously posted
stories. The comments were invariably cryptic (e.g., “good story” or “I loved
it!”) Three more were notices about web sites that archive stories. Three
more appeared to contain some sort of intelligent information about sex
stories. Altogether, then, 14 of these 85 appeared to be “remotely on target”
but not likely to be of interest to most people looking for stories.
Some people would argue that these non-stories belong on alt.sex.stories.d
rather than alt.sex.stories. The “d” stands for discussion. I would agree -
IF alt.sex.stories.d actually did what it is supposed to do; but that’s
clearly not the case. My estimate is that 95% of what appears on
alt.sex.stories.d is either advertisements or drivel. My impression is that
almost nobody reads that newsgroup. Theoretically, I should post Celestial
Reviews on alt.sex.stories.d rather than alt.sex.stories. Actually, I post it
on both newsgroups. If you want to find it quickly, look on alt.sex.stories.d
(because there are fewer postings there). If you want to find it on the same
newsgroup where you can find the actual stories, look for it on
alt.sex.stories.
Almost all 71 of the other non-stories were simply inane (e.g., “will buy your
worn slippers,” “ANY MOMS OUT THERE HOT FOR THEIR SONS??,”” Re: BOB DOLE WILL
CLOSE DOWN THE INTERNET!!!!!”) There are generally two sorts of people who
are responsible for these mindless postings: people in need of attention who
like to yell and people who feel compelled to yell back at these people in
order to make them shut up. I guess we can’t control these people in a free-
flowing newsgroup; and I doubt that anyone who is thoughtfully reading this
comment submits these kind of postings - but it sure would be nice if these
people just wrote their stuff and pushed the delete key instead of the send
key.
Of the 33 actual stories, I recognized three of them to be of what I
would consider “high quality.” I did not have time to read all 33 of
these stories; but a quick glance suggested to me that about half were
just plain worthless. By that I mean they are inane drivel about pre-
adolescents “fuking” each other or yearning for their mothers’
“pusses.” That leaves about 16 reasonably decent stories - three of
them of high quality.
Friday/Saturday is the slowest time of the week on my server. Usually
there are about twice this many postings; but I imagine the proportions
stay roughly the same. You could just double the preceding numbers to
get accurate estimates for other days.
WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT: There is no perfect solution. If you are a
person who makes silly posts, please consider stopping. If you want to
post an advertisement for your dial-a-girl service, put the posting at
the end of a good story.
If you are requesting that someone post a story, put Req or Request at
the beginning of the line. If you are talking ABOUT a story, put Re at
the beginning of the line. Even better, if your comment is really a
bit of encouragement or criticism for the author, send an e-mail
message to the author instead of posting a message for the general
a.s.s. audience. By all means try to avoid posting messages that are
not intelligible to the general public. I hate it when I check into a
message that I think might be a story and find a simple “I agree” or
“What he said!”
If you are posting a story, label it clearly, so that readers can
identify it as a story rather than as junk. I suggest including on the
title line the name you use when writing stories. In addition, follow
a consistent format for all your stories. For example, the title line
for stories by either Deidre or Tammy Ng always begins with Sisters Ng
(followed by the title of the current story). If you feel comfortable
with the “alphabet soup” that describes the contents of the stories
(e.g., Mf, FF, bdsm), put that on the title line. In short, do
whatever you can to tell readers that this is a real story that they
might want to download.
Avoid partial reposts. If a story has four parts, try to post all four
together, and label them clearly. Recently someone reposted a large
number of multipart stories but omitted parts from all of them. I
don’t know whether this was an accident or a practical joke; but the
result was that I could make use of none of the stories.
Do NOT remove the name of the author when you repost someone else’s
story. Honor the author’s claim to copyright privileges.
If you are LOOKING for a story and already know its title, you can
bypass alt.sex.stories by using Deja News or www.reference.com. I have
had nearly 100% success finding stories through these services. Just
enter as keywords “alt.sex.stories” plus a few important words from the
title of the story you want. Then follow directions. Once you have
found one good story, you can also do a search of the Author Profile to
find other stories by the same author or of the Thread to find messages
posted in response to other messages.
Another solution would be to have someone monitor the messages to be
posted. Rec.arts.erotica is a newsgroup that tries to do this. I have
not looked at that newsgroup for a long time; but my previous
experience was that it was sporadic. Sometimes there would be a few
stories, then there would be none for a long time. I also noticed that
few of the best authors on a.s.s. posted their stories with
rec.arts.erotica. However, this group has potential. Likewise, some
readers have suggested to me that they would be willing to pay a small
fee to belong to a BBS that would regulate the quality of stories. I
am not interested in such a project myself; but there does seem to be a
demand. If anyone wants to repost my reviews and use them as part of a
selection process for rec.arts.erotica or for one of these other
services, you have my permission to do so. I’d like to know who you
are - and I’d like free access to the service, if possible.
Another way to find good stories is to go straight to the authors’ web
pages. I post a list of good, non-commercial web sites in my FAQ each
month, and I’ll insert the list into the next issue of Celestial
Reviews.
Finally, you can simply stick with a.s.s. and use my Celestial Reviews
as a partial filter to find good stories. A very large number of good
authors try to coordinate the posting of their stories with my reviews;
and this makes them relatively easy to find. I know that these reviews
are imperfect; but a large number of readers say that my reviews at
least give them a place to start. By knowing my biases (which you can
figure out by reading the Reviews for a few weeks or by checking my
FAQ) you can zero in fairly effectively on a good set of stories each
week.
- Celeste
“Road Trip" by Michael K. Smith (romance)
10, 10, 10
“Auditor” by Mark (voyeurism) 10, 10, 10
“Trinity Trilogy Novel 10/14” by Tom Trinity
(miscellaneous orgies) 10, 9.5, 10
“Brenda’s Conquest” by Tom Bombadil (emerging
adolescence & romance)
“Brandi” by Dekion (voyeurism & bestiality) 8, 7, 8
“The Better To...” by M.M. Twassel (fairy tale sex)
10, 10, 10
* “Little Red Riding Hood” by Sarah Jahn (fairy tale sex)
10, 10, 10
* = Repost of a previous review.
“Road Trip" by Michael K. Smith (mksmith@metronet.com). Paul is an
eighteen-year-old who is ferrying a car from Texas to Florida. He
picks up a hitchhiker named Paula, a girl about the same age who has
just left home and is drifting and looking for temporary jobs while she
seeks her fortune as a singer. Have you ever wondered where the guys
in these stories get their uncanny, precise estimates of girls’ breast
sizes? Well, Paul reads the tag that says 34B on the bra she left in
the bathroom. Paul behaves like a perfect gentleman, even when he
wakes up at 4:30 a.m. the first night with blond hair (from her head)
tickling his nose. To put it in terms familiar to American presidents:
he may have had lust in his heart, but he sniffed and didn’t inhale.
When she thanks him for not trying anything, he tells her that it was
hard; and she cuddles up with him, making it harder. Which reminds me
of one of the first dirty jokes I actually tried to tell when I was
much younger. I had heard it from some older kids. “How does Jackie
find Onasis in the dark?” “I don’t know.” “It’s not difficult!”
“<hah! hah! hah - nervously, because she didn’t want to admit that she
didn’t get it either>“ Now I get it! Aristotle was old and his cock
was limp; and “difficult” isn’t always a good synonym for “hard.”
Anyway, they break the ice on the second evening. Mouths and hands
only; but it is still the best shower of his life to that point - and
the story is not over yet. Nuff said. Read the story yourself. It’s
another good one.
Ratings for “Road Trip”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
“Auditor” by Mark (MarkB@aboy.demon.co.uk). This is the second story I
have read from the Alphabet series by this author. I plan to review
them all - one each issue, which should mean 13 weeks for the whole
alphabet; but the author is only down to H.
The story is wonderfully creative. You may think an auditor is a
hapless drudge who checks accounts for a business. Or maybe a person
who sits in on a college course without receiving academic credit for
it. Actually, this guy is an auditor as opposed to a voyeur. He
listens to the Sarah and Lianne, the “S&M dykes” in the adjacent
apartment. He does with his ears what voyeurs do with their eyes, and
he lets his imagination fill in the blanks. During lapses in the
action, he even takes time out to coach the primary interested party:
“Hang in there, kid,” he says, looking down. “Normal service will be
resumed as soon as possible.”
As the bloke says, you don't have to be Sherlock Holmes, do you? Just
read between the lines. This was an excellent story; but you have to
read between the lines.
“Trinity Trilogy Novel 10/14” by Tom Trinity (stbush@iglou.com). Janie
is pregnant. In spite of the wild life led by the Trilogy Plus One, it
is obvious that Tom is the father, because he has been the only man for
Janie for quite some time. Along with Janie and Tom, Candy and Judy
have happily received the little bundle of joy into their lives. Other
than that, it’s business as usual. Except that Janie and Tom get
married. Actually, they ALL get married to Tom; but that’s kind of
hard to explain. But as I said, other than that, it’s business as
usual - lots of hot sex with multiple partners.
As the orgies continued even during Janie’s morning sickness, I
couldn’t help think of how this story compared to my own life. It
REALLY is fun to read stories about happy hedonists sharing their love
unselfishly yet responsibly with all kinds of people; but especially
during my pregnancies, I myself was more possessive. I can’t help but
suspect that the euphoria surrounding all these sexual adventures would
eventually become flat. There’s something to be said for the
sentimental value of the loving, monogamous relationship. On the other
hand, this series of stories shows that there’s something to be said
for the loving polyamorous relationship. Different strokes!
For Tom’s 30th birthday, the girls gave him 30 orgasms. That does it!
Enough is enough! NO man can do it thirty times in one day. It would
take at least TWO days to do that!
Ratings for “Trinity Trilogy Novel 10/14”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
“Brenda’s Conquest” by Tom Bombadil (stbush@iglou.com). This is a
story about a man who falls in love with a 13-year-old girl with whom
he has been familiar since she was nine. In addition, the girl’s 11-
year-old sister develops a sexual relationship with his own 17-year-old
sister. There’s a lot more to the story than this, but I am not going
to go into the details here. All I’ll say here is that it’s a rich,
well-developed story that presents a reasonable perspective on the
problems as well as of the joys of such a relationship.
The author himself refers to this as a “pedophile love story.”
Interestingly, my on-line dictionary does not define pedophile or
pedophilia. It goes straight from pedometer to peduncle. Go figure.
However, my on-line encyclopedia does have an article on the topic,
which says this:
“Pedophilia is a psychosexual disorder characterized by a sexual desire
for and sexual acts with prepubescent children. Onset of the disorder
can occur from adolescence through old age, and it occurs predominantly
in males. About two-thirds of pedophiliacs are attracted to children
of the opposite sex. Based on evidence from criminal court records,
pedophiles usually know the children that they abuse. Most pedophiles
resort to deception rather than force. Although much is known about
pedophilia, pedophiles themselves are difficult to treat and recidivism
rates are high.”
In the present story, the “pedophile” doesn’t actually do what my
encyclopedia says pedophiles do; he simply develops a consensual
relationship with a thirteen-year-old whom he has known for several
years. You will note that although the author himself describes this
as a pedophile love story, I myself have referred to it as a story of
emerging adolescence and romance.
Nonetheless, it is important to realize that this story deals with a
topic that sets of alarms in the minds of people who are concerned
about children being harmed by pornography on the Internet. As a
teacher in an American public school, I am supposed to call to the
attention of the legal authorities behavior that is typically labeled
pedophilia, if I become aware of it. That’s the rules, folks; and I
could get into trouble for not following them. I hasten to add that I
am NOT a member of the Thought Police. I work with a large number of
troubled adolescents, and I HAVE worked with the authorities in cases
that they refer to as pedophilia. In no case that I have witnessed has
the relationship been like that described in this story. Every case I
have ever seen has revealed children who had their lives screwed up by
an exploitive adult.
The notion of falling in love with an innocent and precocious young
person is intuitively appealing. This story idealizes that intuitive
appeal.
It seems reasonable that society can differentiate between exploitive
sex with children (which is vividly described in Michael K. Smith’s
“Remembering”) and emotionally sensitive relationships like those
described in this story. It is my own belief that most children are
best advised to reach a reasonable level of maturity before becoming
sexually active and that many adults who become sexually active with
children are likely to be satisfying their own (perhaps unconscious)
needs rather than being helpful to the children. In addition, a very
large number of psychologists seem to agree with my belief, and the
laws of most countries in Western society support my position.
On the other hand, stories like this one are realistic presentations of
emotions and feelings. My hope is that reasonable people can set aside
their biases, read this as the good story it is, and perhaps let the
insights they get from this story influence their thinking about the
issues involved. Many people will read this story to get some good
ideas on how to seduce little kids or will reject it out of hand
because it is about something that is immoral. Both groups will waste
a perfectly good story.
This story raises a simple question: is it possible to write a story in
which an adult has sexual relations with a young adolescent in a way
that would be approved by reasonable, socially responsible people? I
think this story (along with several others, including Randu’s “Double
Trouble” and Santo Romeo’s “Martha Jane”) demonstrate that the answer
is yes. The related (and more volatile) question is can this happen in
real life? The answer certainly must be yes, it CAN happen. The
crucial question is DOES it happen? Or are all adults who do this
sexual perverts, as most laws seem to suggest?
As I have said earlier, literally all the young children whom I have
known to have experienced sex with an adult were severely exploited.
It may not always be accurate to call their partners perverts; “sick”
or “dysfunctional” may be better words for some of them. But - and
this is an important BUT - kids who have had perfectly adaptive - even
wonderful - relationships like those described in this story would have
no incentive to come forth and talk to me about it. In fact, if they
did so, the adults whom they loved would possibly suffer dire
consequences. I seriously doubt that all adult-child sexual
relationships are as destructive as some child advocacy people would
have us believe; but I also think that most real-life adult-child
sexual relationships are exploitive.
I cannot conclude without mentioning one important issue. I think we
need to let kids be kids. In recent years movies and TV shows
(especially the soaps) have combined with peer pressure to urge kids to
rush into adulthood way too fast. An important part of the mother’s
logic in this story was that if Brenda didn’t have sexual relations
with Richard, she’d be having sex with someone else real soon. To the
extent that her insight is accurate, her decision to permit sex with
Richard may be valid. But might it not be better to find a way to
encourage kids to grow up before they have sexual relations? As I
understand it, something like 25-40% of kids in the Western world don’t
have sex until they are at least 18 years old. Granted, a bunch of
these people have major hang-ups; but statistically they’re OK people.
If I may use myself as a case study, I think I really do all right
sexually, even though I had a full childhood before I began my active
sex life; and I THINK the same can be said of my daughters. Sexuality
isn’t the only area in which we tend to push kids too fast; I
constantly see parents trying to push preschoolers into academic
programs when they should be playing games or reading Little Red Riding
Hood. Ooops! {For an explanation of this Ooops, see the review of
“The Better To....” later in this issue.} Let’s let kids be kids!
I like stories that raise thought-provoking questions in interesting
contexts. This story does exactly that.
Ratings for “Brenda’s Conquest”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
“Brandi: A true Story” by Dekion (dekion@dave-world.net). Jack drives
his friend Rick over to Brandi’s house, so that Rick can screw Brandi.
While Jack watches them through the key hole, he gets horny and
masturbates Mutt, Brandi’s equally horny dog. Another day, Brandi
describes to Jack her own sexual experiences with Mutt. I don’t know
much about sex with dogs, but this story sounded interesting. I have a
friend who is a veterinarian, but I think it may take a long time for
me to work this story into a normal conversation with her. So for now
I’ll just take the author’s word when he says this is a “true story.”
Ratings for “Brandi”
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
“The Better To...” by M.M. Twassel (mmtwassel@aol.com). This is a
bizarre story; but possibly not as bizarre as this review. First, let
me point out that the author says that this story was inspired by Sarah
Fox Jahn's “Little Red Riding Hood,” which was itself inspired by the
fairy tale of that same name published by the French poet and critic
Charles Perrault in 1697.
As you probably assume, I do extensive research for each of these
reviews. Let me tell you what I have learned from my on-line
encyclopedia about fairy tales. The ordinary fairy tale works with
polarities - good and bad, beautiful and ugly - and tells of the
wondrous adventures of a heroes or heroines who, after a series of
struggles with supernatural forces, attain their wish and live happily
ever after. The protagonists are almost always royal or of royal
descent. That’s the ORDINARY fairy tale. My encyclopedia goes on to
tell me, however, that such stories as Little Red Riding Hood and Jack
the Giant Killer differ in two important respects. First, their
protagonists are often ordinary people. Second, in addition to
entertaining, most of these stories teach some fairly hard lessons
about the ways of the world. My encyclopedia says this about Perrault’s
work (which includes “Red”): “What makes {his stories} a children's
book is really only his effort to keep the tales short. Otherwise,
their wit and sophistication imply--for later readers, at least--adult
listeners....” The present author’s modern rendition, I suppose,
emphasizes that adult element.
On another note, I have seen authors use many terms to describe the
lower regions of the female anatomy - honey pot, love muffin,
cumbucket, bearded clam, beaver, furry hoop, unplowed garden, hairy
taco, love tunnel, pleasure pouch, shaven haven, rumpleteaser, and
whicker biscuit, to name just a few; but I cannot remember ever before
reading about pudendal fleece caressing anyone’s cheek.
Half the time I couldn’t figure out what was happening as I read this
story; but when I did figure it out, I had an “Oh, yeah!” reaction that
was delightful. Like most normal readers who are at least vaguely
aware of the fairy tale, I often tried to get ahead of the author by
guessing what would happen next; and then I would tell myself that the
author had blown it and had gotten away from the parallel to the
original story, only to find a sudden return to the original plot with
another interesting twist. I love it when authors do this to me.
I’m not going to tell you much about the story. Find it and read it
yourself. I am also going to repost my review of Sarah Jahn’s story.
Maybe she’ll repost her story for us.
Ratings for “The Better To...”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* “Little Red Riding Hood” by Sarah Jahn (sfjahn@ix.netcom.com). I
enjoy sex stories based on fairy tales, because I usually know the
basic plot and I enjoy waiting to see how the perverted author will
debase and enrich the original story line. In this case, the wolf is a
lusty lady who could just eat Little Red all up. That’s all you need
to know; you can either fill in the details yourself or read the story.
I vaguely remember a woodcutter or plumber or someone who showed up to
rescue Little Red at the end of the original story; I guess that’s the
part that this author changed. I really enjoyed this cute little
story. One anomaly: fairy tales usually have a moral, but this story
does not. I suppose that’s because authors for this newsgroup don’t
have any morals. <g>
Ratings for “Little Red Riding Hood
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
CELESTIAL GRAMMAR LESSON: VERB TENSE. People have responded very favorably
to my Celestial Grammar, and I am planning to repost it this week. If you
don’t like to read about grammar, skip what comes next.
I’ve noticed in several recent stories some problems with verb tense.
In general, you should start with one tense and stick with it, unless you have
a reason to change. The most common mistake is for authors to mix the present
and past tense together. I do this myself when I am writing my first draft of
these reviews; but I make an attempt to go through my manuscript before I post
it and adjust the verbs to a single tense - usually the present.
It would normally be considered a mistake to write the following:
Susie walked into the room. I go over to her and start
to flirt with her.
On the other hand, a good writer might mix tenses like that on purpose. As
written, the first sentence tends to describe a mundane, past event (in the
past tense). By using the present tense in the second sentence, the author
may be trying to bring us back into the past and feel that we’re seeing it
actually happen.
If my students do this and seem to be doing it for a purpose, I let them get
by with it. Were I to find these sentences in Hemingway or Steinbeck, I
probably wouldn’t even bother contacting their publisher.
A serious problem is once you start changing tenses, it may be difficult to
get back to the regular (past) tense. As I said, if you’re a good writer and
have a feel for the language, you can possibly get by with changing tenses,
and the shift may even enhance your story. But most authors should find a
tense and stick to it.
MIXED ACTION: Once you choose a main tense for your story, you DO have to
change tenses to describe action that occurs BEFORE or AFTER your main action.
I am not going to try to describe exact guidelines for all the verb tenses
that occur in the English language. Maybe I’ll do that some other time.
Right now, all I want to say is this: when you change tenses, make sure the
change conveys what you really want to say.
Here is an example of a MISTAKE made by a very good writer:
There was no sign of her at my place. I guess she went to see her
boyfriend. It took me a long time to get to sleep that night,
wondering about Brenda and her boyfriend, and what they did together.
The problem is with the verb “guess.” The author is describing something that
happened in the past. All the other verbs are in the past tense. It WOULD
be reasonable to use “guess” in the present tense, but then it would mean that
the “guessing” took place at a different time than everything else. As it is
written, the second sentence can be paraphrased thus:
Even today I don’t know where she was. I guess she went to
see her boyfriend.
In the context of the story, that paraphrase makes no sense. It’s not what
the author meant to say. The narrator is writing NOW about something that
happened many years ago. At the time the narrator is supposed to express this
thought, he DOES know that Brenda was not with her boyfriend. (In fact, the
main gist of the story is that the narrator WAS the mystery boyfriend -
unknown to him at that time.) What the author meant to say was this:
Today I know where she was. At the time I assumed she had
gone to see her boyfriend.
The problem is that the incorrect verb actually has a perfectly legitimate
meaning; but that meaning is not what the author meant to say. If authors do
this too often, readers have no choice except to ignore the author’s verb
tenses; and this deprives the author of an effective tool for communicating
action clearly. I would have written the second sentence like this:
I assumed she had gone to see her boyfriend.
{I would have used “assumed” instead of “guessed,” because I think that verb
describes more clearly what the narrator actually did. He didn’t “take a
guess”; he made an assumption}
In the very next paragraph the author says this:
Sunday morning she was there again, sitting in the back. This
time Brenda was wearing a bikini and sunning herself. I guess
it was better than her just being wrapped up in a ball like the
last couple of days. Communication lines were still down....
In this case, “guess” is fine. All the other action is in the past, but the
author is NOW retrospectively making a guess why Brenda was wearing a bikini
and sunning herself. The sentence means this:
Even today I’m not sure why Brenda was wearing a bikini and
sunning herself. I guess it was better than what she had been
doing.
My point is NOT that this author is an idiot. He’s a very good writer.
Rather, my point is that verb tense DOES make a difference. I find that the
best strategy is to find one tense and stick with it - except when you have a
good reason to change tenses.
To put it differently, be sure to make your verb tenses actually describe the
real sequence of thought and action.