Celestial Reviews 112 - Aug 28, 1996
Note: Remember the proofreading service! If you would like free help
on a story, send me a request; and I’ll match you up with one of the
volunteers who have offered to help authors by offering suggestions
about the grammar, style, and content of preliminary drafts of stories.
This service is often very useful to authors and enjoyable to
proofreaders. In addition, if you would like to volunteer your
services as a proofreader, please contact me.
- Celeste
“Letter Found Near a Suicide” by Mary Anne Mohanraj
(unanswered love) 10, 10, 10
“More Congenial Spot” by Mary Anne Mohanraj
(emerging sexuality) 10, 10, 10
“Slinky Red Thing” by Mark Aster (quickie) 10, 9, 9
“Blossom: First Date” by Uncle Mike (sitcom parody) 10, 9, 8
“A Rude Awakening” by Michael Dagley (reformed
virgin on a binge) 10, 10, 10
“TV's best - Cybil” by Erin8667 (sitcom parody) 8, 7, 7
“Cookies and Cream” by Bastinado (lactation & anal sex)
10, 8, 10
“The Good Deed” by Frank McCoy (incest) 10, 8, 6
“Step by Step: Cody’s Revenge” by Omegaman (sitcom
parody) 8, 7, 5
“Elizabeth & Anastasia” by Tom Bombadil (ff romance)
10, 10, 10
“Forthright” by Uther Pendragon (playful sex) 10, 8, 10
*“Foreplay” by Uther Pendragon (romance) 10, 10, 10
“Caught in the Act” by Holly (wife becomes slut) 7, 7, 5
“Waiting Room” by RC (mind control) 10, 8, 5
“Buttfun” by Unknown Author (anal sex) 9, 6, 6
* = Repost of a revision of a previous review (because the
story was revised and reposted).
“Letter Found Near a Suicide” by Mary Anne Mohanraj
(moh2@midway.uchicago.edu). This is not a happy story. As the title
suggests, the story consists of a letter written by a high school
student who has committed suicide. It expresses the dead student’s
love for a girl who was fast and loose with her affection with regard
to everyone except the writer of the letter. This is a short,
poignant, worthwhile story. As is the case with many stories by this
author, I don’t think it is necessary to hide this one away in
obscurity on the alt.sex.stories newsgroup.
Ratings for “Letter Found Near a Suicide”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
“More Congenial Spot” by Mary Anne Mohanraj (moh2@midway.uchicago.edu).
I have an agreement with this author to review one of her stories every
week, and I post the review around the time she reposts the story.
Since the story for this week was excellent but depressing, I decided
to push my luck and try a second story, so that I can go to sleep
happy. We’ll see. If this doesn’t work I have already downloaded
Shelby Bush’s “Munsters” parody.
OK. Nunc dimittis. I can go to sleep now. This one is about twins
who were named by an either malevolent or thoughtless mother Guinevere
and Arthur. By the time they finish college Gwen’s reputation has
reached mythic proportions as a psych student at the University of
Chicago - she is said to have fucked a whole fraternity in one night
and has lived to talk about it. Meanwhile, Art has excelled in drama,
while remaining a virgin at nearby Northwestern University. While
waiting for their mother to arrive to celebrate their graduation, they
find a congenial spot where Gwen can expand Art’s horizons.
“The Munsters” can wait till next issue.
Ratings for “More Congenial Spot”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
“Slinky Red Thing” by Mark Aster (MyFrThAl@aol.com). This week’s
episode in the Allen Sisters saga is a flashback that departs from
tradition. The action takes place back when Pat and Our Hero have just
met; and there is only one couple copulating at a time. They are
drinking and holding hands in the bar and sneak outside for a quickie
in the ally. That’s about all there is to it; but the ambiance makes
it quite interesting.
Ratings for “Slinky Red Thing”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
“Blossom: First Date” by Uncle Mike (fr582@cleveland.Freenet.Edu).
Nick is having trouble getting a date. He needs something to do on
Saturday night, and his sons have made excuses; his wonderful, kind-
hearted daughter agrees to go to dinner with him. He is worried about
Blossom. He has done the best he could raising her on his own these
last few years since the divorce, but secretly he fears he hasn't done
enough. Is she ready for adulthood -- and adult relationships? One son
is a recovering addict, another -- not to put it too bluntly -- dumb as
a rock. Blossom is his last hope.
Well, she kisses well, and gives good head; and her cherry pops pretty
easily. In fact, she’s pretty good in the sack.
I am not a “Blossom” aficionado, and so it was hard for me to grasp the
satire. The characters came across as horny, insipid fools; but I
suspect that the author was poking fun at the show. Maybe you
Blossomites out there will enjoy this one more than I did.
Ratings for “Blossom”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
“A Rude Awakening” by Michael Dagley (dagley@soho.ios.com). I really
hate this story! I sat down about 45 minutes ago to read a story while
I ate lunch. I had with me two ham sandwiches, a can of Diet Coke, and
an 18-ounce bag of potato chips. I would read “A Rude Awakening” for
ten minutes while I ate lunch and then prepare my classes for the first
week of the new school year.
I am now one chapter - 10,770 words and approximately 12 ounces of
potato chips - into this story; and I can’t stop. My husband is not
home; the kid across the street is mowing the lawn, sweating, his
muscles glistening in the sunlight; Kathy Ireland is looking down at me
from my husband’s calendar with a cum-hither look that would give me
blue balls if I had balls; and I have my classes to prepare for a new
semester. What’s a girl to do? I guess maybe I’ll just read another
chapter and see if this feeling goes away.
Well, I read TWO more chapters, at which time there was a lull in the
action. Then I fixed dinner and read four more chapters. Then I had
to wait for the author to post the rest of the story. Frustration
Station!
This story contains an amazing blend of voyeurism and direct sexual
contact. For example, at one point Joey is getting head from Mrs. C,
who is insisting that he describe to her what he did with her daughter
earlier that evening, while Joey is making direct eye contact with the
daughter, who is safely hidden and masturbating behind the mother’s
back. This is hot stuff.
I noticed the title words, “Rude Awakening,” several times in the
story. The first context stated that at the time of the story, (June
of 1965) graduation from high school would be a rude awakening: war,
racial strife, assassinations, drugs, and other problems. Like many
good titles, however, this one has more than one meaning. The second
time the phrase occurred was after Joey and Terri had made love; it was
a rude awakening for Terri to discover the power of her sexuality. The
term pops up several other times in the story. The most significant
meaning of “rude awakening” is not specifically stated - just strongly
implied. The story begins with Joey an immature, sad, sexually-
repressed young man. He takes no chances with girls and women, because
he is afraid they will consider him to be rude. His friend and lover
Alice tells him he needs to risk being rude once in a while. When the
rudeness in him “awakens,” he becomes a more mature, happy, sexually
responsive person. In fact, he becomes the neighborhood Lothario - a
term which you can either look up in your Funk and Wagnalls or infer
from the context of the story. And then he discovers that he has lost
something special - another rude awakening.
What do women really want? Polite men or rude men? The answer is that
different women want different blends; and even the same woman may want
a different emphasis at different times. Also it depends on what you
mean by “rude”: in this story rude means that a guy does something that
a girl will like, in spite of the fact that a social custom or the
girl’s inhibitions might oppose his action. I myself have been known
to use the phrase “Shut up and kiss me” - or an equivalent, more
emphatic phrase, which would indicate a demand for less “politeness.”
A very important moral to this story is that it is often necessary to
take some risks in order to be happy. A very wrong conclusion would be
that the rudest asshole gets the girl - or the guy.
This author’s greatest strength, I think, lies in his sense of timing.
For example, he has the ability to make me think I’m witnessing two
people getting hotter and hotter until they can’t stand it any more;
and I can almost feel it when they explode. He seems to have an
intuitive grasp of what to tell me and when to tell it to me in order
to maintain my interest. My husband has a similar ability, but he
accomplishes this effect through direct access to my body parts.
The main “weakness” to this story is that at times the author seems to
want to cram too much sex into it. I have a theory about why the
author has done this. I suspect that he has contacted a publisher
(whom I know and respect, but will not name in this review) about
publishing a version of this story as a novel; and that the publisher
insisted on more instances of explicit sex. In fact, the publisher I
am thinking of makes specific demands, such as (1) a wide variety of
sex that is likely to be perceived as kinky, and (2) at least two
separate instances of specific sex per chapter. I know of at least one
good author who has simply stopped writing erotic stories because he
felt that these demands compromised his literary integrity.
I may be off the track in suggesting that the present author has
“padded” his story with extra sex in order to appeal to a publisher. I
do know that there are several instances where the storyline seems to
take an unnecessary turn that is unrelated to the overall plot.
However, not too many readers are going to complain about “too much hot
sex,” and so I’ll let these “digressions” slide. What I do know is
that I review another story (“Elizabeth & Anastasia” by Tom Bombadil)
in this issue of CR that is every bit as good as this one: and that
other story has about a snowball’s chance in my pussy of ever getting
published by that same publisher. It’s “too long on story” and “too
short on real sex.” I think it’s about time that that publisher (or
some other publisher) made it clear that it IS OK to have hot sex in
the context of a good story. The world is ready for good stories that
contain hot sex - without quotas and restrictions on what kind and how
much explicit sex needs to be included in each chapter. These stories
don’t need to appear on news stands in the supermarkets; but they
should be available to mature adults who want more than a quick fix
from their erotica.
As I reread the preceding paragraph, I realize I have overstated my
case; but I think I’ll leave it. The present author HAS, in fact, done
a commendable job of trying to deal with the full personality of the
main character. This is an excellent story. In fact, if I would have
found this story without knowing the author’s name, I would have
guessed that it was written by Delta, who made my Top 50 List of 1995
not once but four times. That’s one of the strongest compliments I can
give to a story.
Ratings for “Rude Awakening”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
“TV's best - Cybil” by Erin8667 (erin8667@aol.com). In a nutshell, Zoe
is the trampy daughter of a 45-year-old slutty divorcee, whose best
friend is the totally amoral Mary Ann. In this story Zoe watches her
mother fuck a stranger in the living room, then joins Mary Ann in the
shower before bringing her to the bedroom for mutual orgasms. The next
day she exchanges oral pleasantries with her mother. The sex is pretty
hot, and it’s easy to picture Cybil and her superficial friends doing
these things; but the story needs a little more development or better
timing. It comes across as something written by a high school
sophomore who is simply inserting sex into the basic Cybil plot.
Ratings for “Cybil”
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
“Cookies and Cream” by Bastinado (an707058@anon.penet.fi). The woman
has recently given birth and has been nursing her baby. Tonight her
breasts are heavy because the baby had a cold and did not eat much.
Milk oozes all over the place and lubricates the man’s cock enough to
permit smooth entry into her ass. The only problem with this story is
that it’s not a full story - it’s more like one of those “experience
letters” that we find in places like the forum sections of Playboy or
Penthouse magazines.
This is an excerpt from LaLune, an erotic E-Zine, whose website is at
http://members.gnn.com/JCumbus/warn.htm. This was good stuff, and I
intend to check the site to see what else is there.
Ratings for “Cookies and Cream”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
“The Good Deed” by Frank McCoy (mccoyf@millcomm.com). Sometimes, the
author tells us, you can do something nice for people, with almost no
effort on your part. For example, in this story the narrator passes
the children’s bedroom door and hears them talking while they
masturbate each other. The son has shot his wad six times already, but
his sister won’t let him stick it inside. The father knocks on the
door and tells them to go ahead - it would be fine if they get
pregnant. Wow! Bangeroo Baby! Why can’t all parents be that
understanding?
The narrator’s only regret is that he couldn’t his little boy squirting
his seed in his own big sister's tight little slit for the first time.
But he figures that maybe if he and his wife are a little more open
themselves whenever THEY have sex, the kids will loosen up and let them
watch. From now on, his bedroom door will remain open; and he and the
little lady won’t do it under the covers, either.
Yes, it's amazing how much you can do for someone you love, with the
right words at the right time. And by the way, do you know the
scientific term is for the sweat that forms on the bodies of the people
in this family when they have sex? Relative humidity.
Ratings for “The Good Deed”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 6
“Step by Step: Cody’s Revenge” by Omegaman (greymann@netdoor.com).
Twenty-four years of pent-up sexual frustration is about to be
unleashed. Cody, the likable, slightly goofy, "surfer dude" of good
moral character, is still a virgin and has even boasted of the fact on
national TV; but he is about to go berserk. Uncle Frank has gone away
with the boys, and Cody is armed with handcuffs, duct tape, several
hundred dollars worth of bdsm paraphernalia, and a raging 9-inch hard-
on. He’s going to fuck the brains out of all the females in the house.
Dude!
Each girl has erotic value for Cody. Al is a 14-year-old virgin, just
ripe for popping. Equally virgin Karen is a cock teaser with a
smallish, cute mouth, tailor-made for cock-sucking. Carol is the older
but still beautiful and sexy veteran of sexual relations. And Dana is
the cock-tease who has often harassed Cody and who would be especially
fun to subdue. Cody’s vision is a little limited. In real-life there
would be a reasonable chance that maybe one or two of the rape victims
would, say, complain to someone in authority. But this is
sitcomsville; and with any luck the ladies will enjoy being raped and
ask to be left alone more often with Cody in the future.
This story will appeal mostly to guys who live with the fantasy that
the only thing a girl really wants is a good, hard cock up her cunt or
any other orifice. Fuck ‘em hard enough and they’ll become your pets
and beg for more! On the other hand, if you’re looking for either a
realistic story or a good parody, this one falls short. The
similarities to the original TV show are superficial and the plot
simplistic (which doesn’t mean what the author thinks it means when he
uses that word). It wasn’t an awful story, but I had hoped for better.
Ratings for “Step by Step”
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5
“Elizabeth & Anastasia” by Tom Bombadil (stbush@iglou.com). This author
combines timing and tension to create a very good story. At the very
start we know simply that Betty (Elizabeth) is upset because her father
has thrown Stacy (Anastasia) out of the house and has threatened to
kill her if he ever sees her around his daughter again. Then we flash
back to a scene in a vice-principal’s office, where Betty is describing
her problems with a teacher who seems to be making passes at her.
There must be some relation, the reader thinks, between what’s
happening in this flashback and the relationship between Betty and
Stacy; but what is it? Is the vice-principal actually Stacy? The
vice-principal has recommended a tutor; will that be Stacy? And then
there is a sinister note; the vice-principal is apparently interested
in exploiting a sexual opening with the teacher who had been harassing
Betty. What are the implications of that tidbit for Betty? I can’t
help it; I root for characters when I read some of these stories. I
already sympathize with Betty; and as a hard-working teacher myself, I
wouldn’t mind seeing the VP stick it to the teacher/pervert, but I hope
that Betty and Stacy are people with a wholesome relationship rather
than participants in some sort of demeaning ring of sex-slavery.
As I finish writing the preceding paragraph, I am only about 2000 words
into a 47,000-word story. I mention this because I think it is a sign
of a good story to arouse the reader’s interest as strongly as this
story grabbed my attention.
I’m reluctant to tell you too much of the story. I enjoyed finding out
what would happen next, and I think you will too. The author uses an
interesting strategy of alternating between the past and the present;
that is, there is one continuous story starting in the present; and
another continuous story - that gives meaning to the current-time story
- starts in the past. In general, this is an ingenious and enthralling
approach; but at times it becomes confusing. For example, when the
girls are arguing in the past and making up in the present, the two
plots may become entwined in the reader’s mind. It must have been
difficult for the author to coordinate these two plots; but he carries
it off effectively - with the exception of one point in Chapter 4 where
he seems to use in the past storyline information about Joyce that
could be known only from the present plot.
This is not a wham-bang sex story; it’s a romantic story about a
relationship that happens to involve intimate sex between two females.
The early part of the story (probably the first two thirds - and that’s
a lot in a story of this size) does not contain any specific sexual
activity at all; but sex is implied, and sexual tension pervades even
this part. That makes it sexy to me. When explicit sex does occur, it
is very hot.
To be honest, I have to admit that this story brought tears to my eyes
more often than it brought moisture to my lower regions; but they were
often tears of joy that I associate with really happy times in the
sack. I suppose that makes this pretty much a “chick story,” but you
studs out there oughta read it too. Maybe it’ll put some hair on your
chest.
This story has some flaws; but it’s still excellent. Look at it this
way: on several occasions the author actually spelled “english” (as in
English Teacher!) with a lower-case “e”; but I still gave the story
straight 10’s. I can’t offer a much stronger recommendation than that!
Ratings for “Elizabeth & Anastasia”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
“Forthright” by Uther Pendragon (playful sex). Maybe this has been
obvious to the rest of you all along; but I just recently realized that
all of these stories by this author that begin with “For...” are about
a married couple named Bob and Jeanette Brennan. I have been
evaluating them as isolated stories - which is OK, I suppose, since the
author has been posting them as isolated stories. However, as I look
back over them, it becomes obvious to me that the whole is better than
the sum of the parts. That is, the stories are more enjoyable if you
read them in the context of one another.
In this one Bob and Jeanette are experimenting with new sexual
positions. While doing so, they playfully review some of their former
escapades. I love this kind of banter! I also love this kind of
playfulness among old, married people.
By the way, if you really want to do it standing up, try it against the
refrigerator. But remove the magnets first, unless you want to be
disturbed by falling notes or want to explain why the colors have run
together in the kindergarten pictures drawn by your children.
Ratings for “Forthright”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
*“Foreplay” by Uther Pendragon (an569889@anon.penet.fi). Bob and
Jeanette are newlyweds. They had refrained from sex with each other
until after marriage. Bob is willing to remain committed to just this
one wonderful woman for his whole life, but sex is very important to
him; and he knows that Jeanette does not share his enthusiasm. Bob has
suggested one night a week for experiments, or “games.” Jeanette has
agreed on the condition that she can choose half the games. Bob has
agreed; and her first suggestion was the game called “missionary
position.” Hence Bob’s concern about his sexual future.
Therefore, for his own first game Bob sets out to make sex so wonderful
for his wife that she will crave sex even more than he does. This
story describes a night of lovemaking when he gives her the royal
treatment. The sex is very tender and passionate, and the descriptions
are vivid. The author shifts perspectives to convey the conflicting or
complementary emotions of both people.
This is a revision of an initial version of this story. I criticized
the prose in the original story as too workmanlike. I said I would
have liked to have seen some more metaphors or poetic insights. The
revised version is a marvelous improvement; it exudes exuberance that
simply was not present in the earlier version. I would like to think
that my suggestions prompted this improvement; but more likely the
author got lucky or got religion and the new worldview led to the
improvements.
This was a very good story, and I sincerely enjoyed the description of
“conventional” sex from a highly romantic perspective. A lot of
readers will recognize themselves in this story (if they are lucky),
and a lot of others will wish they had had a sexual tutor similar to
this husband.
Ratings for “Foreplay”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
“Caught in the Act” by Holly (kansica@aol.com). When Jerry and Holly
first married over ten years ago, she was sexually very reserved and
conservative. Now she proclaims herself to be “nothing more than a
common whore.” This story is an introduction to a series on how she
progressed to that elite status.
It seems that Holly spent the first five or so years of her marriage
barefoot and pregnant. After the fourth child, she told Jerry to get a
vasectomy; but by that time she had begun to let her body go. One day
she comes upon Jerry fucking their sweet, young next-door neighbor in
their bedroom. She sets aside the baseball bat she happens to be
carrying, and joins in the sex. Afterwards, Jerry explains that he had
planned the entire event and was hoping that it would work. He thought
they were headed for a divorce anyway so he might as well take the
chance. Right.
Unless you’re predisposed to like wife-slut stories, you probably won’t
be impressed with this one. On the other hand, a surprisingly large
number of readers like to indulge in the wife-slut fantasy; and I
suppose this is a moderately good story of that genre.
Ratings for “Caught in the Act”
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5
“Waiting Room” by RC (74734.271@CompuServe.COM). The woman is in the
waiting room, awaiting her appointment with the doctor. The
receptionist plays background music that must have a subliminal
message. When she meets the doctor, the woman is ready for sex.
There’s really not much to this story. I’ve read the research
literature, and subliminal advertising simply does not work; and so an
author would have to do something creative to make me like a story
based on that topic. In addition, even if a reader buys into the basic
premise, nothing much really happens in this story. I have read a lot
more creative stories by this author.
Ratings for “Waiting Room”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5
“Buttfun” by Unknown Author. This EBS repost reads a lot like one of
those “true” testimonials you find in the letters or forum section of
magazines like Playboy or Penthouse. It’s a matter-of-fact account of
how a high school senior met an older woman and learned to give and
take it up the ass with her.
Ratings for “Buttfun”
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 6
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 6
>>>>> Medical Breakthrough In Weight Loss <<<<< by Unnamed Author.
Either someone is sending me electronic junk mail or this person has
achieved a real insight into an important problem that I need to share
with you.
The author refers to a “Nutraceutical medical supplement (a natural
alternative to pharmaceuticals and significantly more effective than
simple nutritional supplements) that effectively and safely addresses
body metabolism and REPAIRS and HEALS the function of adrenal glands,
thyroid and the hypothalamus. Lose weight, Increase energy, burn fat,
curb appetite with no requirement for change in diet and no nervousness
or jitters.”
This “Nutraceutical medical supplement,” of course, must be what we
more commonly refer to as sexual intercourse. The author possibly uses
the more complex, illusive terminology because his article may be
distributed to children; and even in sex-education classes it is
important that children not know when someone is talking about <sex>.
The author is right on target. I can testify that by fucking between
three and seven times a week, I have been able to “lose weight,
increase energy, burn fat, curb appetite with no requirement for change
in diet and no nervousness or jitters.” I urge plentiful foreplay and
double bangs (technically referred to as “Pre-nutraceutical medical
supplement” and “Reiterated nutraceutical medical supplement,”
respectively”).
To obtain maximum benefits, you should personalize and internalize the
treatment, which means you should engage with a loving partner rather
than merely reading the stories on this newsgroup, even if you
masturbate while reading. (No one has suggested that the Nutraceutical
medical supplement leads to blindness, no matter how often it is done.)
On the other hand, these stories DO supply excellent nutraceutical
medical advice.
Incidentally, I once heard an expert - it may have been Dr. Ruth - say
that “swallowing the male ejaculate” is not likely to lead to weight
gain. Of course, Dr. Ruth wasn’t talking about the massive quantities
of ejaculate that we see in a.s.s.; but that information will probably
suffice for most weight watchers reading this issue of Celestial
Reviews.
As I have said in the past, my own direct experience is limited to
Monogamous Heterosexual Nutraceutical Medical Supplements. If you need
more extensive treatment, you might want to explore the stories in the
“Trinity Trilogy,” where the characters - I mean practitioners -
typically supplement as often in one night as I do in a full week.
However, I should warn you that some of the less orthodox treatments my
have unpleasant side effects. For example, Deirdre’s Nutraceutical
Medical Supplements may be surprisingly addictive. In addition, the
Nutraceutical Medical Supplements that involve cheating on a spouse,
pedophilia, incest, coercive sex, or public exhibitionism are not
necessarily likely to be free of “nervousness or jitters.” Bestiality
may have even more undesirable side effects, depending on the nature
and size of the beast.
In addition, the surgeon general’s warnings about nutraceutically
transmitted diseases should be taken into consideration. Always
practice Safe Nutraceutical Medical Supplementation.