Celestial Reviews 108 - Aug 14, 1996
Note: Correspondents often express to me the wish that they could find
the better stories on this newsgroup more easily. The often say that
my reviews are helpful, but they have trouble finding the stories that
I review. The especially have problems with the stories on my monthly
Top 15 lists.
There are several solutions:
1. The authors could repost the stories. (Several authors do so
whenever their stories make the Top 15 list. I certainly appreciate
this.)
2. Readers could use search engines on the WWW that find previously
posted Usenet entries. Two good services are Deja News and
reference.com, which I have often cited in my notes and in my FAQ.
3. Authors could post their stories on their own home pages. (A
growing number of the best authors are beginning to do this. I post my
current list of home pages at least once a month.)
4. Someone could offer a service that would archive the monthly Top
Ten lists, the reviews of those top stories, and the stories
themselves. This has been suggested several times. At the present
time I have an offer from an enthusiastic person who says he will help
someone perform this service, but he has no money to spend on such a
project. I have no idea what this would cost. If someone is willing
to supply the site, I’ll put that person in touch with the volunteer
who contacted me. Incidentally, I assume that this project would be
carried out in compliance with whatever laws apply. {My own public
service is limited to writing these reviews. This sounds like a good
idea, and I will cooperate to implement; but someone else will have to
bring this to fruition.} A similar service already exists for my Top
100 Stories of 1995 (http://proffa.cc.tut.fi/~k113973/).
5. In addition, I think the BackDrop (http://www.fantasies.com.)
currently makes available all of my reviews plus a large number of the
stories. That organization mails individual stories to non-members on
a request basis.
I’ll post in a CR Note any information that develops with regard to
this topic.
Second Note: I’d like to express my appreciation to the person who
passed along my question to Deb Atwood regarding “Churche House.”
Although that story was posted as “Chapter 1” in the THC Archives, it
has only one chapter. Since my rating of that story was negatively
influenced by the fact that I thought part of it was missing, I’ve
raised the rating to 10, 10, 9.5.
- Celeste
“Just Reading News” by Mary Anne Mohanraj (cybersex &
masturbation) 10, 10, 10
“Blindfold” by Unknown Author (bdsm) 10, 6, 10
“Pleasure Delayed, But Not Denied” by Steve R (wartime
sex) 9, 8, 8
“Afternoon Encounter” by Steve R. (quickie) 8, 4, 4
“Supergirl” by Ann Douglas (superhero sex) 9, 10, 10
“SNIP!” by Vickie Tern (transgender chicanery) 10, 10, 10
“The Anatomy Lesson” by Michael Dagley (emerging
adolescence) 10, 10, 10
“Dyke Crossing” by Mark Aster (lesbian & group sex)
10, 10, 10
“Brown Nosing” by Phil Phantom (fun-loving incest and
child molestation) 9.5, 9.5, 10
“Just Reading News” by Mary Anne Mohanraj (moh2@midway.uchicago.edu).
The narrator is a woman much like many of those reading this review
right now. She has worked hard all day; she has dealt with the normal
turn-ons and turn-offs of life; and now she is comfortably seated in
front of her computer, reading a.s.s. stories and playing her furry
fiddle. She even dresses carefully for the occasion - silk and lace,
the perfect combination of smoothness and roughness for stimulating the
ole fun hole.
I imagine there are even some guys out there who likewise take matters
into their own hands or take the monster for a one-armed ride while
they read these stories. There isn’t really that much to this story -
just a woman getting high on life until her nosy roommate gets home in
another hour or so. Try it, you’ll like it. You, of course, have the
advantage of these fine reviews to help separate the wheat from the
chaff and get straight to the high-quality, orgasm-inducing smut.
Ratings for “Just Reading News”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
“Blindfold” by Unknown Author. I found this short piece listed in the
THC archives as “Blindfold (Prelude).” As the author says, this should
really be part of a longer piece, but I think that it also works on
it's own as a sort of vignette. The author says that he/she is not sure
whether to persevere with it, or
to bury it quietly. The author asks what we readers think; but someone
has kindly stripped away any identification of the author, and so it is
impossible to respond personally to that question.
I have commented many times that I dislike bdsm stories in which one
person is cruel to another. On the other hand, I enjoy bondage stories
in which a woman (for example) turns over control of her body and her
emotions to another person, who delights in making his lover happy.
The full story into which this vignette would be inserted could go
either way; but as I read it I imagined my lover approaching my bound
and blindfolded body and doing wonderful things to it - often things
that I might be hesitant to do if the choice were left entirely to
myself. This brief passage does an excellent job of making me feel
that I know just what the blindfolded woman feels like, as she awaits
what will happen next.
Yo! Whoever you are - wherever you are - go ahead and write the rest
of the story! And call it to my attention when you post it. You are
an excellent writer.
Ratings for “Blindfold”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 6
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
“Pleasure Delayed, But Not Denied” by Steve R (burrito@mc.net). The
author is reposting a set of stories labeled “Shower Tales.” The title
refers to the notion that the stories describe some of his favorite
thoughts when he is alone in the shower. This one is labeled “Shower
Tales - Candy” after the female protagonist.
Candy is a 16-year-old in a Vietnam-era military family. The narrator
meets her and briefly necks with her (mutual hand jobs) in the United
States but doesn’t see her again till they meet in Thailand, where she
is a welcome relief from the local whores. Their first sex is
unsatisfying to Candy, because the soldier is concerned about
withdrawing before ejaculation, so that he won’t get her pregnant.
Since she very much wants to be in control, he kindly allows her to
give him a blow job in the shower, during which she takes all the
initiative.
Many readers are impressed by the notion that a story is verbatim true;
I am more impressed with plot management. This was a decent story, but
I would have liked to see more of a focus, rather than a preoccupation
with getting all the details correct. I guess it’s nice that all this
stuff really happened; but “Supergirl” (reviewed below), which is
presumably fiction, is a lot more erotic story.
Ratings for “Pleasure Delayed, But Not Denied”
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
“Afternoon Encounter” by Steve R. (burrito@mc.net). The guy goes to
see a girl at the hotel; they get undressed and fuck; and he squirts
cum all over the place. That’s about it. This is another story in the
same series as the preceding one - labeled “Shower Tales - Rory.” I
guess if you’re interested in the Complete Works of Steve R. this story
might be more impressive. My reaction was, “Why bother posting
something with so little plot development?”
Ratings for “Afternoon Encounter”
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 4
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 4
“Supergirl” by Ann Douglas (AnnD55@Pipeline.Com). This is a nice,
romantic story about the budding relationship between the Woman of
Steel and Susan Wienczorkowski, an officer on the Metropolis Special
Crimes Unit. Through a flashback we learn that Kara (Supergirl) had
been in love with a young man on her planet before it was destroyed and
she alone escaped to earth. Kryptonians made no clear distinction
between straight and gay sexual behavior; and it now seemed reasonable
and extremeley pleasant to fall in love with the police officer.
At first I had a tendency to look for anomalies in the story. For
example, when Susan took Kara out for dinner, nobody in the restaurant
recognized Kara as Supergirl. These people, I said to myself, must
have an amazing figure-ground problem. Maybe Kara wore glasses to the
restaurant - the glasses always kept Lois Lane from figuring out that
Clark Kent was Superman. However, as I got more involved in the story
I found it to be a thoroughly enjoyable romantic story. I strongly
recommend it.
Ratings for “Supergirl
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
“SNIP!” by Vickie Tern (VickieTern@aol.com). Men are often such anti-
intellectuals. Why would an educated man skip past this story and
instead read one entitled “Drunk Guys Fuck GirlS with big Tits in the
Ass”? I suppose it has something to do with the legendary male fear of
castration. I assure you men that this review will be harmless. For
now, assume that the STORY may give you castration nightmares; but my
review will be friendly - even humorous and enlightening, perhaps.
Nothing will happen to your goddam balls while you read this review. I
promise. So relax.
First let me share with you what my encyclopedia tells us about
castration. Castration is the surgical removal of one or both testicles
of a male person or animal in order to suppress the development or
function of the sexual glands. Male farm animals are castrated, or
gelded, in order to improve the breed or make the animals more docile;
house pets may be castrated to keep them from wandering or producing
unwanted offspring.
The practice of castrating human males is an extremely old one. In
imperial China and other Oriental empires castrated men known as
eunuchs occupied important court positions, and in Europe in the 16th
to the 18th century male singers were sometimes castrated before
puberty so that they would retain a soprano or alto vocal range. {The
term Unix is pronounced exactly the same as “eunuchs.” The fact that
programmers typically see nothing funny when they say, “My job is to
take care of the Unix system” shows either an unfamiliarity with the
English language or an abysmal absence of humorous insight among these
poor drudges.}
Nowadays castration may be performed on men with cancer of the prostate
or certain diseases of the testicles. If the operation is done after
puberty, it produces sterility but has little or no effect on secondary
sex characteristics. There; that wasn’t so bad was it? Well, actually
Freudian psychoanalysts think it IS pretty bad. In fact, they have
coined a term called the “castration complex” to refer to the notion
that a child may feel that he or she will be or has already been
genitally mutilated as a punishment for sexual and aggressive desires.
{As I’ve said before, Mr. Rogers of the famous television Neighborhood
has a song about this childhood problem.} If these and other complexes
remain unresolved and persist into adult life, they can produce
disturbances in the person's love relationships and ability to work
productively. No wonder you guys feel anxious when you look at this
title. That exclamation point doesn’t exactly alleviate your anxiety,
does it? SNIP!
Now on to the present story. Aurora and the male narrator come
together frequently to fuck like rutting rabbits and to play delightful
little games, like languorous courtesan, Amazon princess, bitch in
heat, and stallion (not one of Aurora’s favorites). Aurora also enjoys
snippety snip, which involves hacking away (with the fingers as
imaginary scissors) at hair, clothing, and other needless appendages in
the region of her lover’s groin. When he objects to this as even an
imaginary activity, Aurora asks him why he is concerned. After all, he
doesn’t really need his testicles. He doesn’t intend to have more kids.
She certainly doesn’t want children. So why keep the testicles? They're
in the way when he jogs or plays tennis or does anything healthy,
bouncing, and jouncing. When he’s Aurora’s captive maiden in her
dungeon, they ruin the view; and anyone can put him into agony by
punching or kicking him in the balls. And, she might add, according to
my encyclopedia, if the operation is done after puberty, it has little
or no effect on secondary sex characteristics.
Aurora has been to a detailed sex education class. They didn’t teach
me this stuff in the ninth grade. Actually, they didn’t teach me some
of this stuff until right now.
At Aurora’s urging, the narrator undergoes surgery in which he
mistakenly thinks he will get a practically permanent hard-on; whereas
in fact he is really undergoing castration. During a crucial point in
the story he asks the doctor, “Will it always be hard?” The doctor
answers, “No, it gets easier with time.” I always urge my students not
to use “hard” when they really mean difficult. Following my teaching
would have been useful here. Ooops! The poor guy was too far gone
from the anesthesia to deal with grammatical niceties.
Hear that, guys? You’ve got to make English grammar automatic in your
personal lives. Otherwise, you might get your balls cut off.
A further grammatical lesson ensues. Near the end of the surgery, the
guy wonders if the doctor has cut his cock off. The doctor reassures
him: "I'm taping your penis to one side, to keep it out of the way
until the wound heals. There's a catheter in it now, so you won't need
to pee. I'll remove it tomorrow before we discharge you." Grammar
problem: What’s the antecedent of “it”? The doctor looks up and
smiles. "I mean remove the catheter, of course! My but your pulse
jumped when I said that! No, this is only an orchiectomy."
When the guy comes out of the anesthesia, Aurora is at his side.
"Aurora, do you know what they did?" he asks. "SHE did, dear. It's a
very simple operation, and doesn't really need a team.” Aurora really
knows her grammar! And you guys thought this story would scare you!
There’s nothing scary about good grammar.
Back to the story. The guy soon realizes that what’s done is done.
All the resentment in the world won't bring his testicles back. As the
saying goes, “There’s no use crying over snipped off testicles.” The
doctor has done what she thought he wanted, and had asked him twice,
and he had signed for the operation . He just hadn't picked up on her
cues while they were talking. Need I say more about the value of the
skills learned in a high school English class?
Now, let’s see what you have learned. The next day the doctor visits
her patient and says, “Your body's manufacturing traces of the hormones
you need to maintain firm skin texture, and other sex characteristics,
and above all to maintain sexual desire. But not enough. In a few days
you'll lose all interest in that part of life, when what's there now is
used up. So we need to replace the hormones your testicles once
manufactured with the other kind right away. You understand this, don't
you?" Now, what question should this guy ask the doctor before he
gives an affirmative answer? That’s right! He needs to ask if the
continued therapy is going to give him MALE or FEMALE hormones. To put
it another way, he needs to verify that he and the doctor are on the
same page of the program; and with his track record so far, he should
be skeptical. {If you answered that the patient’s next question should
be “Is this going to be covered by insurance?”, you would be right, of
course - but that answer would be more appropriate for an economics
class.}
If all this worries you guys, just look for a girl who has a harmless
hobby - like cow tipping - instead of castration. Even defenstration
might be better than castration, unless she lives above the third
floor.
I don’t want to ruin the ending for you. As you may know, this author
always has logically complete and happy endings - at least they’re
happy if you buy into the right perspective - and, of course, if you
can handle the grammar.
I personally think this is the best Vickie Tern story I have yet read.
And that’s saying a lot!
Ratings for “SNIP!”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
“The Anatomy Lesson” by Michael Dagley (dagley@soho.ios.com). From
time to time I reach the conclusion that since so many authors send me
their stories before posting them I must by this time know all the good
authors on this newsgroup. Therefore, I tell myself, there is no need
to go through all those other postings that are probably a waste of
time anyway. Fortunately, I ignore my own advice, and that’s how I
find excellent stories like this one.
This story is about a 17-year-old English boy who has grown into
adolescence almost completely isolated from peers - and especially from
girls. His strict parents have dispassionately and sternly instilled
in him a “good education”; but he knows only theoretical information.
For example, he has been forced to memorize the names and locations of
all the parts of the human body (including the reproductive organs of
both males and females), but he has no clear idea how they all function
or why anyone would want them to function. Then his elderly nurse and
tutor, Moni Brunner, who was also his best and only friend, dies. Her
replacement is Moni’s granddaughter, Rafael, who is much closer to
Gordon’s own age. Although she is herself inexperienced with men, she
decides during their first lesson together to teach him (1) the
practical use of his theoretical information about reproductive organs
and (2) the meaning of desire.
I assured my husband that he would like this story; but I insisted that
he read it aloud with his hands behind his head, while I did the things
that Rafael did in the story. I guess you’ll have to read the story to
understand this.
This was an exceptionally well written story. I hope to see a lot more
by this author.
Ratings for “The Anatomy Lesson!”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
“Dyke Crossing” by Mark Aster (MyFrThAl@aol.com) Mike is a lesbian with an
interesting tatoo: a voluptuous naked woman, ankles crossed and thighs spread
wide, her head just below Mike's breasts. Mike's navel is the tatoo’s vagina.
I guess it would be kinda hard to avoid noticing that needlework. Anyway, Our
Hero is rebeffed when he tries to strike up a conversation with her by means
of a cheap pickup line; but then Pat shows up, recognizes her, and invites
Mike home to get reacquainted. While Pat and Mike do it ff on the couch, Our
hero and Julie (Pat’s younger sister) go at in on the floor or the dining room
table or someplace. Since Julie’s body is blocking Our Hero’s view, Julie
narrates a description of what Pat and Mike are doing. This is really pretty
hot stuff. Those hedonists sure can be happy people!
Unless I have miscounted, Mark Aster has now written 42 stories, all of
them very good. I hear constant complaints about the low quality of
stories on this newsgroup. Mark’s stories themselves help refute that
criticism: you just have to look a little harder to find the good
stories. As you may know, I post a list of what I consider to be the
Fifteen Best Stories every month. What impresses me the most is that
this story won’t even make this month’s list! I say this not to
denigrate Mark’s story. I really liked the story. Part of the reason
I’m leaving this one off the list is because Mark has been on the list
so often already. The reason I mention this current omission is to
suggest that there are at least other fifteen stories out there this
month that might be even better than this one! And they’re all free
for the taking!
Ratings for “Dyke Crossing”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
“Brown Nosing” by Phil Phantom. In this EBS repost the man has just
gotten a job, but he had left his wife and family behind in the room
with the boss during the final interview. The boss fondled the man’s
daughter; and the man’s son became turned on and began fondling the
mother. The third child became so excited that “she didn’t know who to
watch.” That should be “whom,” of course. Some of these authors get
so excited that they screw the hell out of their pronouns as soon as
their homones get going.
A lot of readers enjoy blackmail and pedophile stories; and this one
combines both. I usually don’t like either element, but I enjoyed this
one largely because of the grotesque perspective. We see the first
part of the story from the viewpoint of the father, who re-enacts
everything that happens while his wife tells him about it. The
storytelling style is most interestng; it reminded me of the old Bert
and Ernie sequence from Sesame Street (“Did anything interesting happen
today?” “Nope.” “How did you tear your shirt pocket?” “Oh, that
happened when I was running too fast through the door at the circus...
after Johnny said we had better go home... after the tent started to
collapse... after the mime started yelling and screaming.... because
the door to the lion cage had come open... after the tiger devoured the
trainer... right after his partner had been shot by the homicidal
maniac who was using me as a human shield... But don’t worry; the swat
team shot him.... right after he threw the hand granade down my
pants.... ) Actually, the Sesame Street version was a little different,
but the idea is that the wife casually describes to the husband
increasingly outrageous activities; and the guy just listens, tries the
ideas out on his wife, makes her cum, and then says he’ll have to have
a talk with the kids.
Of course, if this would happen to you and your family in real life,
you should go straight to a good lawyer. Make that an expensive lawyer
- they’re easier to find. The lawyer will fill you in on the details
regarding how you can become immensely rich by suing the bastard for
child molestation.
But there’s more! After dropping Dad off at home, Mom goes back to get
the kids at the movies. She wants to have a talk with them - to make
sure they don’t lose respect for her, of course. So while they’re
driving home, the kids essentially gang rape her with hand jobs in the
moving car. They even argue over who gets what. During a typical
American car trip, when the children argue and get out of hand, the
mother usually screams “Shuddup, you little motherfuckers!” I suppose
that would have been ironic under these circumstances.
But there’s more! Eventually the boss starts making night calls to the
family’s house and brings clients to go into the girl’s room and play
sex and bondage games with Sherry and Sandy after using Mom as a warm-
up course while Dad does paperwork for the company. This pushed me
beyond the limits of what I could endure. That should be girls’ - it’s
s-apostrophe, not apostophe-s, for plural possessives!
This was an interesting but bizarre story. If any of you try this in
real life, you deserve to be arrested. Then you will burn in hell and
will be forced to live with an American politician for all eternity.
Ratings for “Brown Nosing”
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10