Celestial Reviews 106 - Aug 7, 1996
Note: I have a backlog of really good stories right now. If you have
sent me a story and I have not yet reviewed it, please be patient.
I’ll try to review them all as soon as possible. Having too many good
stories is kind of like having too much good sex - it’s not really a
problem at all.
Second note: The people who write these stories do not get paid for
doing so. Their main motivations for writing these stories are (1) the
inherent pleasure that comes from writing a good story and (2) the
feedback they get from readers. Plus - I guess the activity can
improve their sex lives. I strongly urge you to take the time to
communicate with the authors. You don’t have to have cybersex with
them; just tell them what you think of their stories. If you like a
story, send a note to the author and tell him/her what you thought of
the story. If you do this once a month or so, you’ll make the lonely
recluses who write these stories feel good, and you’ll increase the
probability that we’ll continue to see good stories on a.s.s.
- Celeste
“Jinsong” by Mary Anne Mohanraj (cyber romance)
10, 10, 10
“Newhart: The Made Maid” by Uncle Mike (sitcom parody)
10, 10, 10
“Kim’s Passion” by Jocelyn Joyce (ff sex) 10, 9, 9
“Carol” by Unknown Author (sex with coworker)
9, 9, 10
“Dark and Stormy Night” by Shelby Bush (sitcom parody)
10, 10, 10
“DNA II” by Stephanie (sci-fi transgender) 10, 10, 10
“Role Reversals” by Nicolas Restif de la Bretonne (erotic
ff dancing and sex) 9.5, 9.5, 10
“Kayla and Martin” by Mark Aster (pregnant thoughts)
10, 10, 10
“Jinsong” by Mary Anne Mohanraj (moh2@midway.uchicago.edu). There’s
incredible variety in this author’s writings. This story started
slowly. At first I was concerned that I might have accidentally
downloaded somebody’s garbled e-mail instead of the story I had
expected. Then I realized that the story was written in the form of e-
mail messages between a woman with the “handle” Jinsong (who has just
broken up with her boyfriend) and a Pennsylvanian named Matthew
Danzener (a shy guy who at first seems incapable of romance). Matthew
is extremely awkward in his communications, except when he speaks in
poetry. After a few mundane messages, Matthew hits Jinsong with a 627-
word poem that describes his anticipated first date with Jinsong. What
he wants to do is actually pretty tame; but it sure sounds great the
way he puts it. You’ll have to read the story yourself. It’s
impossible to convey its mood without the e-mail and the poetry.
Ratings for “Jinsong”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
“Newhart: The Made Maid” by Uncle Mike (fr582@cleveland.Freenet.Edu).
At first I was disappointed with this story. I was expecting a parody
of the Bob Newhart Show in which Bob plays a psychologist in Chicago.
Instead I found a parody of the more recent Bob Newhart Show, in which
Bob plays a writer who is also the owner of an Inn in New England. I
wasn’t as familiar with the latter series, and so I expected that I
wouldn’t enjoy the parody as much. I was very pleasantly surprised!
The plot is perfect; it actually fits in with the personalities and
mannerisms of the characters. Stephanie (the ditzy, lazy, rich girl
who is a maid but never does any work) develops a rivalry with Joanna,
and to prove her case she seduces Dick (the Bob Newhart character). In
retaliation, Joanna seduces Michael (Stephanie’s preppie boyfriend).
In further retaliation, Joanna tricks Stephanie into having sex with
Larry and his two brothers (Daryl and Daryl). Finally, to make amends
Joanna makes love to Stephanie herself.
As I said, the parody is very well done. For example, it is easy to
imagine the Bob Newhart character reacting just the way the author
shows him as he is seduced by the young vixen. I strongly recommend
this story.
Ratings for “Newhart”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
“Kim’s Passion” by Jocelyn Joyce (71022.251@compuserve.com). This is
another excerpt from Spectrum Press (http://users.aol.com/specpress).
This is chapter three of a novel, and it is necessary to speculate
about the rest of the novel in order to put this chapter in context.
Kim is apparently a girl of Asian Indian descent who has somehow been
brought into the household of Lady Anne for the purpose of giving
pleasure to the older woman. This chapter describes Kim’s initial, shy
attempt to make love to the older woman. They seem to be quite happy
together; but it really would be helpful to have more of the context in
order to evaluate this story effectively.
Ratings for “Kim’s Passion”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
“Carol” by Unknown Author. This is another story reposted by the THC
archives. Although the story is attributed to Bubba’s Basement BBS
(therrien@compu-net.com), there is no mention of a specific author’s
name. This is unfortunate, because this is a good story; and I would
like to look for more of this author’s work.
The narrator is a tool and die maker who receives news that he will be
assigned an apprentice. He is at first resentful because she is a
young woman (who “doesn’t belong on a man’s job”) and then embarrassed
because his friends kid him about working with a woman. He soon
becomes attracted to her; and when he accidentally uses the shop
expression "just a cunt hair more" while describing a measurement,
their conversation turns to sex and he discovers that she fantasizes
about him as often as he does about her. They have a brief but hot
affair until she goes back home to her family a few months later.
Ratings for “Carol”
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
“The Dark and Stormy Night” by Shelby Bush (stbush@iglou.com). This
story comes to us through the eyes of Mike, an ordinary television
viewer with nothing better to do than to watch reruns on TV. To his
surprise, Herman and Lilly Munster are preparing to have sex in
tonight’s episode. Sure enough, Lilly turns on the electricity and
Herman’s monster cock springs into action. What’s going on here? On
another channel Mannix is humping Peggy, and he’s working around to her
back door. Doc and Matt are getting ready to have a gunfight at Kitty’s
corral in the room above the Longbranch; and Jeanie has blinked and is
about to have her own wish granted with Major Nelson. There’s
something unusual going on with the fucking TV. Literally.
Mike and his wife are at first confused, but then they decide to make
the best of it and start doing the horizontal lambada themselves, while
Ricky Nelson and his friends make their way to a whorehouse in the
background. For various reasons the channels keep changing while Bob
and Carol practice parallel parking on the couch. This enjoyable
pastiche describes what a couple might do on a dark and stormy night
when there’s nothing to do except watch the offerings of an oversexed
television gone berserk. It also explains why Ozzie and Harriet always
had plenty of money but never seemed to go to work.
Ratings for “The Dark and Stormy Night”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
“DNA II” by Stephanie (an266891@anon.penet.fi). This is a sequel to
Stephanie’s “DNA,” to which I gave very favorable ratings several
months ago. The present story can stand alone, but it is easier to
understand and enjoy if you have read the previous story. In
particular, some of the explanations at the end of the story may be
easier to grasp if you have read “DNA I.” Stephanie plans to repost
both stories soon.
As “DNA II” begins, Paul has been changed into a half-male, half-female
person by his girlfriend Anne, a genetic engineer who became upset at
Paul for running around with other women. Paul’s objective is to
return to his original body, and while pursuing this goal he is faced
with several interesting obstacles. The story runs parallel to many
popular, non-sexual, science fiction stories. For example, the
Incredible Hulk possesses unusual powers but wants to rid himself of
those powers, and in his attempts to return to normal he encounters new
problems in each episode. Paul’s situation is similar to the Hulk’s,
but his problems center on sexual situations - giving head to a cop to
avoid a traffic arrest, falling in love with his young female roommate,
etc. All of this takes place against a background of scientific
information that is probably impossible - but which is realistic enough
to non-scientists like myself to make it all seem plausible.
The story is not a simple sexual odyssey; rather Paul’s problems and
adventures are set in the context of a police vs. drug peddler drama.
The villains are selling drugs; Paul stumbles into them; and the bad
guys try to use the DNA power to transform people from one body to
another in order to further their evil purposes. Paul gets caught up
with these criminals, and other people have their genders switched.
Paul’s goal is to get out of this mess and to see to it that the bad
guys get their comeuppance. I won’t spoil the story for you by telling
you all the details. It’s a good story, and you should read it for
yourself. {“DNA III” is scheduled for release some time next year.}
Ratings for “DNA II”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
“Role Reversals” by Nicolas Restif de la Bretonne
(restif@tuna.uchicago.edu). This is not written by the real Nicolas
Restif de la Bretonne, who was a well known 18th century French writer
of erotica and social commentary and who is now presumably deceased.
The story describes the visit of a couple to the Nouveau Monde Amoureux
in Montreal, where the man arranges for a female dancer to dance
privately for his wife, who has expressed a secret longing to make love
to another woman. The story switches viewpoints between the man’s and
the woman’s, and this is awkwardly accomplished. However, I suspect
that this clumsiness may be the fault of the reposter rather than the
original author, who writes very well. I found it easy and erotic to
imagine the dance taking place before my own hungry eyes.
Ratings for “Role Reversals”
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
“Kayla and Martin” by Mark Aster (MyFrThAl@aol.com). Great news! Pat
is pregnant with twins! In this story Pat and Our Hero meet Kayla and
Martin in the lobby of a restaurant and join them for dinner. Martin
is obviously attracted to the pregnant Pat, while Our Hero plays
footsie with Kayla. After dinner they all go up to Kayla and Martin’s
room for postprandial sex. The author does his usual excellent job of
choreographing several people having sex simultaneously.
Ratings for “Kayla and Martin”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10