Celestial Reviews 105 - August 3, 1996

Note: I have had remarkable success finding these stories through Deja 
News, a search engine available on the World Wide Web.  I imagine 
someday they are going to charge for this service, but right now it’s 
possible (without additional cost beyond your service that accesses the 
Web) to find most of the stories below by entering a few key words into 
the search box.  For example, I think you can find the first story by 
entering “Dyad Michael Smith.”  You’ll get a short list of “hits,” one 
of which will include the story - assuming that it gets reposted on 
schedule and has the title and author’s name in the posting (which will 
almost certainly be the case).

- Celeste

      “Dyad" by Michael K. Smith (emerging adolescence) 
            10, 10, 10
      “Love Boat: Cum Aboard” by Uncle Mike (sitcom parody)
            10, 9.5, 9
      “Double Bang” by Dafney Dewitt (sexual hubris) 10, 9.5, 9.5
      “Georgia” by Wolfgang Amadeus (idyllic outdoor sex)
            7, 8, 9
      “Foreplay” by Uther Pendragon (romance) 9.5, 9.5, 9.5
      “Secrets” by Charisse Van der Lyn (control) 10, 9, 9
      “A Romantic Interlude” by Mr. Weather (something
            completely different) 8, 5, 6
      “Trinity Trilogy Novel 4/14” by Tom Trinity 
            (miscellaneous orgies) 10, 9.5, 10
      “Carrie” by The Strict Professor (spanking) 7, 5, 5

“Dyad" by Michael K. Smith (mksmith@metronet.com) Holy shit!  Right 
here on a.s.s. I found almost the exact words I had spoken barely a 
month ago to one of my daughters: "Well, I know this isn't what you 
want to hear, but hardly anyone these days actually marries the person 
they fall in love with when they're fifteen."  Only I said “she’s” 
instead of “they’re,” which is grammatically correct, and “sixteen” 
instead of “fifteen,” which was chronologically correct.  Either my 
husband wrote this story or my daughter did so, or my aphorism is 
actually common knowledge.  I’ll assume for now that the latter is the 
case.  

Since the author had my interest and my empathy, I became concerned 
when I read, “I knew I could trust him. I always could. I used to wish 
I was his age, that we had met in college or something. I would have 
married him in a minute! Actually, I sometimes still wish that.”  My 
reaction was, please, please don’t go simple-minded and have the father 
fuck the little girl to “help her regain her self confidence.”

I breathed a sigh of relief as I read Dad’s advice: “I just wanted to 
suggest that you don't have to be in a hurry to find a replacement for 
Joshua. You might want to just do things with your buddies for awhile 
or by yourself. Go out on some ordinary, friendly-type dates with no 
strings attached. I suspect you'll get interested in another special 
boy when you're ready for it." OK! <high fives> A sensible father!  

A little later the girl comes home from a date with a new guy - a date 
with petting but without sex; and she unobservedly catches her mother 
and father making love.  This makes her horny, but she doesn’t jump 
into bed with them. OK! <more high fives>  Normal people!

The story moved on to a father-daughter dinner at a restaurant, where 
she talks to him about sex and love, and he responds sensitively.  On 
the way home she realizes she has made a decision to rid herself of her 
virginal status before morning and she is going to do it with the one 
male in the world whom she trusts absolutely - her father.  I paused.  
Actually, this was a realistic emotion.  Lots of girls have similar 
feelings, and not many of them are followed by “family fun.”  I hoped 
the author wouldn’t take the simplistic route and have the old man help 
his little girl “grow up” and live happily ever after by jumping into 
with her.

Several paragraphs later, after she had first finished her homework, 
the daughter put on her sexiest nightie and went downstairs to seduce 
Daddy while they watched TV together.  While the fantasy in the 
preceding paragraph is extremely prevalent in families with non-asshole 
fathers, the actual attempt at seduction is NOT all that common.  I 
wasn’t sure what was going to happen, but I paused to wonder what my 
husband would do if our daughter made a move on him.  The kid was 
basically saying, “You’re a wonderful man, and I love you and want to 
share my first sexual experience with you.”  I would not expect my 
husband to call his daughter a dirty pervert, but I would also expect 
him to do something other than fuck her.  I think he would probably get 
a hard-on, but then he would gently but firmly push her away, thank her 
for the wonderful compliment, and then have a heart-to-heart talk with 
her.  The talk would be designed to convince her that she is a good and 
wonderful person who has a lot to offer to someone in her life but that 
HE would not be that someone, even though he loved her and found her to 
be extremely attractive, because he already had an exclusive sexual 
relationship with someone else (c’est moi) and because the father-
daughter relationship is based on a different type of love.  I would 
hope that he would be very sensitive about how he expressed himself and 
that he would make sure he didn’t give her a feeling of being rejected.  
I would also hope that he would discuss the matter with me later and 
that he would sublimate his sexual passion by fucking my brains out.

Actually, I recall a song by Fred Rogers (of “Mr. Rogers’ 
Neighborhood”), which is directed to a little boy who has told his 
mother that he’s going to marry her when he grows up.  {Even in 
“normal” families, little boys are likely to say this.  They do so 
because they really like their mothers and/or because they want to grow 
up to be like their fathers.}  Mr. Rogers responds in his eloquent song 
with neat lines like “I’m already married, already married; married to 
your Dad” and assures the child that someday he may marry someone like 
her.  This kiddie song essentially says the same thing that I said in 
the previous paragraph.  You don’t think.... No!  Fred Rogers simply 
cannot be posting stories under a false name on this newsgroup.  By the 
way, I think the song is on the same casette as “You Can Never Go Down 
the Drain.”  I miss Mr. Rogers and the Gang from Sesame Street!

Back to the story.  I’m not going to tell you what the father and 
daughter do in the story.  The possibilities range from doing it my way 
to joining the Incest Club to something in between.  You’ll have to 
read the story to see what the author decided.  Of course, you could 
try to guess the ending from my ratings; but hey, I’m broadminded 
enough to give a high rating to a good story that doesn’t do things my 
way.

Ratings for “Dyad”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

“Love Boat: Cum Aboard” by Uncle Mike (fr582@cleveland.Freenet.Edu). 
I’m not a big “Love Boat” fan.  I’ve watched a few episodes when I was 
visiting other people, and I can recognize most of the characters; but 
I don’t know much about their personalities.  And so I might have 
missed some of the subtleties in this parody.

Vickie (the Captain’s daughter) has crawled under the bar to do some 
cleaning, and she overhears some valley girls making fun of her lack of 
sexual experience.  That does it!  She decides to lose her virginity as 
soon as possible.  She talks to Isaac, the kindly black bartender who 
usually falls in love with a different black chick each voyage, and he 
very kindly pops her cherry and lets her suck his cock.  Wisely, Vickie 
goes to Doc (the blundering guy in the white suit who falls in love 
with a different white chick every voyage) to get herself on the pill; 
and he suggests that maybe she should talk to her father first, before 
she becomes sexually active.  By this time I was into the mood of the 
story.  I muttered, “Shut up, Doc.  This is a sex parody of an insipid 
show.  Give her the Pill and then fuck her.  If she talks about it with 
her father, he’ll just screw her anyway!”  And so he did; and so he 
did; and so he did; and so did several other people.”

Ratings for “Love Boat: Cum Aboard”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

“Double Bang” by Dafney Dewitt (dafneyd@ix.netcom.com). Norman prides 
himself on his double bangs.  He has double fucked his wife regularly 
and successfully for the past 5 years.  After giving his wife a 
complete fucking, a real one hour knock-her-socks-off pummeling, he can 
recover in less then five minutes for a second round of sex that is 
just as intense as the first.  He has even timed himself.  Not only 
that, but he always does it with her body on her side of the bed, so 
that he never ends up sleeping in the wet spot.  He’s a regular sex 
machine.

But things go wrong.  One night his wife says she’d just as soon go to 
sleep as have the second bang.  Crestfallen <heh, heh!>, the next day 
he follows her; and she goes to Big Bill and Julie’s house.  Norman 
listens and hears his wife having a good time in his friend’s bedroom. 
Enraged that his wife would prefer this fat slob, he confronts Bob 
later that week and shoots him twice in the stomach.  As he is being 
led away to prison, his wife tells him that his “last double bang was 
perfect."  The man has been had.  Can you see how?  Sic transit gloria 
mundi.

The story is clearly written, brief, and to the point - almost like a 
concise morality play.  It’s a good story.

Ratings for “Double Bang”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9.5

“Georgia” by Wolfgang Amadeus (an648468@anon.penet.fi).  The guy is 
riding his motorcycle in southern Georgia, when he comes upon a damsel 
in distress.  They ride toward the next town in the warm rain; and when 
the weather breaks they stop to clean up.  They swim in a river and 
make love there and again in town, where they spend the night together.  
The text could use some proofreading; but this is a nice, simple story 
of idyllic lovemaking.

Ratings for “Georgia”
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

“Foreplay” by Uther Pendragon (an569889@anon.penet.fi).  Bob and 
Jeanette are newlyweds.  They had refrained from sex with each other 
until after marriage.  Bob is willing to remain committed to just this 
one wonderful woman for his whole life, but sex is very important to 
him; and he knows that Jeanette does not share his enthusiasm. Bob has 
suggested one night a week for experiments, or “games.”  Jeanette has 
agreed on the condition that she can choose half the games.  Bob has 
agreed; and her first suggestion was the game called “missionary 
position.” Hence Bob’s concern about his sexual future.

So for his own first game Bob sets out to make sex so wonderful for his 
wife that she will crave sex even more than he does.  This story 
describes a night of lovemaking when he gives her the royal treatment.  
The sex is very tender and passionate, and the descriptions are clear. 
The author tries to shift perspectives and to convey the conflicting or 
complementary emotions of both people.  I think he could have done a 
better job, but I appreciated the effort.  The main problem with the 
story (and it is not a big one) is that the prose is too workmanlike.  
I would like to have seen some more metaphors or poetic insights - the 
sort of thing I often see in the Allen Sisters or the Trinity Trilogy 
stories.  This was a very good story, and I sincerely enjoyed the 
attempt to describe “conventional” sex from a highly romantic 
perspective.  A lot of men and women will recognize themselves in this 
story (if they are lucky), and a lot of others will wish they had had a 
sexual tutor similar to this husband.

Ratings for “Foreplay”
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9.5

“Secrets” by Charisse Van der Lyn (71022.251@compuserve.com).  This is 
another excerpt from Spectrum Press (http://users.aol.com/specpress).  
I suspect that this story is taken from somewhere other than the 
beginning of the novel, and so it’s somewhat difficult to evaluate it 
in context.

Eve seems to be a woman who works as a “model” in some kind of 
establishment where men come in to look at women and to jerk off while 
doing so.  Nigel has been a client, and he offers Eve a large “tip” to 
encourage her to accept his offer of a limousine ride to his expensive 
house for an evening.  Eve fantasizes about the evening and then goes 
to the house.  The chapter ends with Nigel obviously beginning to 
exercise control over her future sexual activities, which will probably 
be heavy on the bdsm.

Ratings for “Secrets”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

“A Romantic Interlude” by Mr. Weather (rkb6116@zeus.tamu.edu).  This 
EBS repost is a monster cock story. Literally.  Bob’s Jolly Green Giant 
is a full 8.25 feet long, and a healthy 3 feet around -  flaccid.  I 
haven’t worked in a sex lab, but I assume these dimensions would 
approximately double during full engorgement prior to enfuckment.  
These dimensions may seem grotesque, but it’s important to consider two 
factors:  (1)  The author’s tagline describes him as an Aggie.  This 
means he’s from Texas.  Cocks of this size or no more rare than cows 
that fly or bulls that are fourteen feet tall or small bands of 
Texicans who fought off millions of Mexicans at the Alamo.  In 
addition, I know some major assholes who are Aggies, and so a huge cock 
is not entirely out of the question.  (2)  Most of the authors on 
a.s.s. exaggerate (i.e., lie) anyway.  For example, just last week I 
read a story in which the guy had a 14-incher that he used on an 
ordinary woman, who managed to get it entirely into her mouth during 
the oral prelude and eventually into both her cunt and her ass.  What I 
am saying is that once you get beyond my husband’s simple 9-incher, 
you’re dealing with fantasy anyway - and the difference between 14 
inches and 8.25 or 16.50 feet is only a matter of degree.

The only problem with this story is that not much happens in it - 
except that Bob attempts intercourse with Tiffany, who (fortunately) 
has a cunt that’s 10 feet deep.  The story involves pneumatic tools and 
could have benefited from a small boat near the ending.

Ratings for “A Romantic Interlude”
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 6

“Trinity Trilogy Novel 4/14” by Tom Trinity (stbush@iglou.com).  I have 
to admit that I have trouble deciding what to put into the parentheses 
in my table of contents to describe each week’s Trinity Trilogy 
segment.  This week Shelby labeled the segment 
(mf,mff,ff,mfff,fff,etc).  I chose (miscellaneous orgies).  Actually, 
what we have here is a trio of friends on a helluva binge.

In the second story of this week’s installment, Candy goes for her 
first plane ride and immediately joins the mile-high club. I’ll believe 
almost anything; but I have my doubts about the joys of having sex in 
an airliner restroom.  I know people do it, but it just doesn’t sound 
like fun.  I have given and received orgasms on moving airplanes; but 
never in a restroom.  My advice is to use blankets to cover yourself 
and wait for other people around you to go to sleep.  Use your hands 
under the blankets; that’s what they’re for.  {Figure out that 
grammar!}

In another chapter we have the reappearance of Val and Veronica, the 
mother/daughter team that fucked Tom’s brains out at a previous sci-fi 
convention.  It’s deja vu all over again!

So let me summarize.  This story starts with Tom finishing up with 
Janie from last week’s segment.  On the plane to Phoenix he fucks Judy 
and Candy in the john.  In Phoenix he goes looking for Veronica and 
finds her mother (Val) instead and fucks her until Veronica returns, 
and then he fucks them both until he leaves with Veronica and goes to 
Janie’s hotel room where he fucks them both and then leaves them 
together and returns to Val, who fucks him repeatedly for the rest of 
the night.  The next morning he leaves Val and is picked up by a total 
stranger (Alicia) with whom he has very pleasant sex, and then he 
discovers that Alicia has been sent to him by Janie and Veronica, and 
so he fucks all three of them in gratitude.  Then - and this is the 
good part - then the NEXT chapter is entitled “The Orgy”!  When I went 
to bed after reading this segment, my husband kissed me tenderly; and I 
said to him, “Let me give you a raincheck.  I’m exhausted.”  In other 
words, both (mf,mff,ff,mfff,fff,etc) and (miscellaneous orgies) were 
accurate descriptions of this segment.  I guess you could get a bit 
jaded on too much good sex; but I found this segment tolerable - to put 
it mildly.

Ratings for “Trinity Trilogy Novel 4/14”
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

“Carrie” by The Strict Professor.  Early in this repost from the THC 
archives we learn that Carrie has not yet succeeded in “exercising” the 
imp that had gotten her into so much hot water throughout her life.  
Well, actually she has been “exercising” her imp, and that’s why she is 
in trouble now.  The author meant to say “exorcising,” which has an 
entirely different meaning.

This brief story is about a high school girl who has gotten into 
trouble by putting an ice cube down a friend’s blouse during Mr. 
Burns’s class.  She gets paddled in front of the classroom.  There’s 
not much sex here - unless you get excited by the very thought of an 
18-year-old girl standing bent over at the desk with tears in her eyes 
in front of all her classmates while her panties ride up her ass and 
the teacher pounds her buttocks with a wooden board.  What I myself 
enjoyed most about this story was the fact that it brought to life that 
lesson my mother tried to teach me so long ago: always wear clean 
underwear, in case you are in an accident or get a paddling and want to 
impress the teacher.

Ratings for “Carrie”
Athena (technical quality): 7
Venus (plot & character): 5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 5