Celestial Reviews 41 - Nov 29, 1995
Note: As I said in my last issue, two of the things that excite me in
my role as a reviewer of stories are (1) noticing a good story by an
author whom I know and respect and (2) finding a good story from a new
author. For the second week in a row I am in luck on both counts.
Second Note: I have gone ahead and posted (under my own name) my first
story in over a year: VIRTUOUS REALITY. I won't review it, of course;
but I hope you like it, and I would appreciate your comments.
Third Note: Remember the Second Annual Celestial Story Contest.
Simply write a short story based on the following premise:
Once in flight, we flipped up the arm rest between us and I leaned against Jay
who leaned against the wall. It was nice like that, and I spread Jay's coat
over us like a blanket. We had hours of night-time flying in front of us. Jay
held me in his arms. I felt him slip his fingers into the waist of my pants.
He slowly fingered me. I opened my eyes. I felt that feeling growing inside
me.
The stewardess walked by. It was so strange to have Jay fingering me
right there in front of someone. Jay withdrew his fingers and I could
tell he was sleepy. Soon I could feel that he was sleeping. I slipped
my own fingers where his had been. I fingered so slowly. I wanted
that feeling, more and more. The stewardess came back and stopped. I
stopped my fingers, laying there frozen. She looked right at me and
then smiled.
Rules: Enter as often as you like. If you enter early, I'll try to
give you feedback to help you revise. You CAN alter the exact wording;
as a matter of fact, I think it would be NECESSARY to modify the text
to suit a particular story. The key components are man and wife on
plane, woman fingers herself, stewardess notices. Send entries to
Celeste801@aol.com. The winner will be announced on December 9. The
last time we did this we got a couple of excellent Locksmith stories.
So far I have received no entries - just three corrections of the way
"waist" was spelled in the original lead-in. I could maintain that the
word was spelled correctly, but "having her fingers in the waste of his
pants" would require a scatological story, and that's not exactly what
I had in mind. So thanks for the corrections, but feel free to submit
a story!
- Celeste
"Girlfriend" by Deirdre (voyeurism and bondage) 8
"Glance" by Deirdre (blackmail & sex slavery) 8
"Grad" by Deirdre (bondage & sex slavery) 9
"Sisterly Advice" by DJ810 (emerging sexuality) 10
*"To Serve and Protect" by Sue (hot sex with a cop) 10
*"Hotsprings" by Delta (D&s romance) 10
*"The Chambermaid" by Delta (Sex on the rebound) 10
*"For Celeste" by Delta (mock epic poetry) 10
"Celestial Previews #1" by Celeste802 (parody of
famous smut critic) 10
"Hotel" by Peggy Dupuis (romantic affair) 6
* = Repost of a previous review (because the story has been
recently reposted).
"Girlfriend" by Deirdre. The young girl (I'm guessing age 12 or 13)
and her mother come home and hear the unmistakable sounds of sex
emanating from the older brother's bedroom. The mother shoos the girl
off to her room, so that she won't be scandalized. Now, knowing that
this is a Deirdre story, what do you suppose happened next? You're
probably close. It's another strange but interesting story. (Rating:
8)
"Glance" by Deirdre. As you have probably noticed, Deirdre writes
excellent stories from either a male or female perspective. This story
comes to us from the perspective of a man who makes the mistake of
casting an interested glance at a sexy neighbor while his wife's sister
is watching. Soon the evil sister-in-law is blackmailing him, and his
sins and the level of blackmail escalate, until he becomes a full-
fledge, card-carrying sex slave. Let this be a lesson to all you guys
out there! If you commit even a minor indiscretion, the correct
protocol is to apologize humbly to your wife or girlfriend, beg for
forgiveness, and accept your punishment like a man. Either that or use
an axe or arsenic on the stupid bitch who is blackmailing you.
(Rating: 8)
"Grad" by Deirdre. I'll write this review after reading only the first
two paragraphs. A woman who is in law school goes to spend the weekend
with her friend, Gail, who is surrounded by sexy women who serve as her
sex slaves. Gail seduces her friend, who is thus spared the ignominy
of becoming a lawyer and is forced to spend the rest of his life
catering to the sexual whims of a rich old lady.
Well, I was pretty close. What really transpired can perhaps best be
described as something between what I predicted and a nice double date
that ended with romantic sex around the fireplace. However, it was
still interesting to see how they got there, and I'm not really sure
that becoming a sex pervert saved the narrator from becoming a lawyer
after all. Deirdre is arousing my interest in this whole concept of
sex slavery. I may go out and get myself a sex slave or two someday
when I retire from teaching and when my husband is too old and feeble
to satisfy my needs anymore. (Rating: 9)
"Sisterly Advice" by DJ810 (an446077@anon.penet.fi) This was the first
story ever posted by this author, and it was a joy to read. It was the
perfect blend of the sexy and the normal. The older sister returns
home from college for the summer and discovers that her little brother
has grown up and become interested in girls. Without passing any moral
judgment at all on other writers who pursue a different plot, I want to
say that I found it to be thoroughly refreshing to read a story in
which there was sexual tension between brother and sister without
having them become lovers. The boy is struggling with how to express
his sexual feelings to his girlfriend; and the older sister, who is
experiencing growing pains of her own, offers him advice and
encouragement. The boy and his sister have grown up to be normal,
decent kids; and the anxieties and problems they face are examples of
the very real sex-related problems that normal, decent adolescents
face. They even have a mother (a minor character) who seems to have
common sense and who wants neither to jump into bed with her children
nor to inhibit their sexuality by preaching to them that sex is a sin.
What is stylistically most impressive about this story is how well it
maintains its continuity and has its impact by letting the characters
display their feelings through their actions; and these are realistic,
plausible feelings that many of us have shared. I was about two-thirds
of the way through this story and I had been feeling its constant
sexual tension, when I realized that the words cum, cunt, pussy, etc.
had not been used at all; and I doubted that they would be used during
the rest of the story. There was no need for them. Even though I have
not experienced *exactly* what these two experienced, the story was
close enough to my own reality that I found myself being turned on by
the events and feelings themselves, even before I started to
nostalgically remember similarities to my own adolescent life.
Because there are several issues that are unresolved at the end of the
story, it is my guess that this author plans to continue this story
into a longer work. I urge her to be cautious. This is already an
outstanding story. The issues that are unresolved are fine as they are
- unresolved. I strongly recommend this story. It made my day.
(Rating: 10)
*"To Serve and Protect" by Sue (SueNH@AOL.com). If you read my review
of Sue's "Life's a Beach" in CR 20, you may recall that I theorized
that Sue wrote bad stories before her 8th. Well, either she has
renumbered the stories or I was wrong. This one (her 6th) is one of
her best. Sue is driving down a highway in Maine, mentally reliving
some of her recent sexual exploits. The wind and fresh air have an
erotic effect on her and her fingers begin to wander. Eventually a
policeman pulls her over because of her erratic (or erotic) driving.
The cop is a perfect gentleman, but after he verifies that she's not
dangerous and gives her a stern lecture, he does public relations work
with Sue - if you know what I mean! They don't call those Maine cops
Mounties for nothing. As Sue herself says, "With a cock this big, what
need does he have for a night stick! "
This is Sue at her best: an excellent build-up plus detailed and
graphic descriptions of the actual sexual encounter. If you want an
example of excellent punctuation, you should read this story.
Likewise, if you're studying the impact of Mayan civilization on the
modern world economy you should read this story. You won't necessarily
learn a lot about either punctuation or Mayans, but you'll certainly
enjoy a good story. (Rating: 10)
*"Hotsprings" by Delta . When Delta first started posting this story,
I gave it a good review on the basis of the first two chapters and my
previous experience with one of her stories. After I did that, I
thought maybe I had made a mistake - not because of anything this
author did but rather because I had gotten burned by a couple of other
stories that started out good but faltered later. I thought maybe it
would be better to avoid rating stories until they were finished.
Toward the middle chapters of this story, I got even more worried; it
was getting just plain silly with all these people wandering around the
campsite wearing matching chokers. But in the end, my patience was
rewarded. Everything fell into place. It really is a good story.
The plot centers around the activities of the workers at a recreational
campsite. Kat, the new business manager, is introduced as a beautiful
but conniving dominatrix, who seems intent on building herself a sexual
empire. Fred is introduced as a good, strong, patient man who doesn't
want to play Kat's games. Big Jake is the free-spirited owner who
loves his wife but also loves his freedom and lots of other women. He
treats his wife, Jennie, and the other females pretty much like
objects; but Jennie still loves him. And then there are about four
other interesting characters. The author combines a lot of hot sex
with an interesting plot (that I don't want to divulge) to make the
story really interesting. (If it starts seeming silly, just repeat
several times, "Celeste says this is interesting." It will become
interesting again. As a matter of fact, if you're not intent on
critiquing the story, you might not have this silliness reaction at
all.)
When I started reviewing a.s.s. stories, I didn't think I would like
D&s (domination and submission) stories. I still don't have a driving
urge to have my husband submit to torture whenever he disobeys me or
fails to satisfy me sexually, but I have to admit that I enjoyed this
story - especially the final two chapters, which are practically non-
stop hot sex. Notice that I have labeled this story "D&s romance."
Originally I thought the two concepts were incompatible; but I was
wrong. At least in the world of fiction, they are sometimes
compatible. (Rating: 10)
*"The Chambermaid" by Delta (an248969@anon.penet.fi). I am familiar
with Delta primarily as the author of some of my favorite *long*
stories. My all-time favorite is "Strip Chess" - because of that story
I still cannot concentrate properly on strategy during a chess game.
This is a much shorter story - the kind of thing that Ann Douglas or
Sue do so effectively. I was impressed that Delta could write so well
in this different format.
The story is about a woman who has recently broken up with her lover.
A major problem in her life, she feels, is that she is too fastidious
and predictable. She is staying in a motel, and she mistakenly puts
the "Clean room" instead of the "Do not disturb" sign on the door knob
while she takes a shower. When she comes out of the shower and is
surprised to find the chambermaid (a guy) in her room, she impulsively
decides to be a lot less predictable. You'll have to read the story to
find out what this means.
I have a personal insight into how this story was written that makes it
even more impressive to me. When Delta sent me this story, she told me
that she had written a message to a.s.s., but it was obvious to her
that the message really belonged on a.s.s.d. However, she knew that if
she posted it with the latter newsgroup, very few people in her target
audience would see it. So she solved the problem by immediately
writing this entire story, and then she appended the message to the
story - and she could now legitimately post the combination on a.s.s.,
since it was a story and her message was part of the disclaimer!
Actually, this is not a new ruse. You possibly know that there is some
dispute over the authorship of Shakespeare's plays. As I understand
it, the real story is that those plays were written by a woman who was
in love with her landlady, at a time when such things were viewed
askance (women writing plays, that is). Anyway, whenever she sent in
her rent check, she enclosed another scene or act (depending on her
level of passion at the time) or a sonnet (if she was really hot).
This is only one hypothesis, but I think it makes a lot more sense than
the Francis Bacon theory; and it also explains why some of the passages
make so little sense. From one perspective, Delta's effort pales in
comparison - "Shakespeare" also put her plays into iambic pentameter
and her sonnets sort of rhymed sometimes. (Rating: 10)
*"For Celeste" by Delta (an248969@anon.penet.fi). It may be true that
everyone gets fifteen minutes of fame in his or her lifetime; but few
people get an epic poem dedicated to them. I have now received that
honor, even if it is a short epic. I admit that I had a conflict of
interest reviewing this poem; and my dilemma was heightened by the fact
that the United States does not have a poet laureate for us taxpayers
to consult. Therefore, I contacted the poet laureate of England, more
commonly known on the Internet as SirBigStick, who verified the
validity of this review and also offered to dub me his understudy.
To be enjoyed to its fullest, this story has to be read out loud.
Actually, to be enjoyed to its absolute fullest, it should be read out
loud while one is eating one's favorite food and doing one's favorite
thing. Perhaps being covered with warm chocolate syrup would help too.
My point is that many of us in Western society have lost the ability to
communicate in heroic verse, and this story should do as much as
anything to restore that talent to our culture.
In addition to its obvious metric qualities and excellent use of
metaphor, this story/poem effectively uses understatement to describe
the sexual activity between a goddess and her demigod lover in terms
that can be understood by mere mortals.
I showed this story to my husband, and he was at first upset. But then
he realized that the line "shriveled mightily" did not refer to him,
but was actually "shivered mightily" with reference to me.
I enjoyed this story; and I think those of you about whom it's not will
also enjoy it. It's a very clever piece of writing. It really is a
good parody of Homeric verse as that form was often imitated in
Elizabethan times. Or, as SirBigStick put it: "Delta! A Poet? I
didn't know it!" (Rating: 10)
"Celestial Previews #1" by Celeste802. This author has cleverly
imitated my own nom de plume and overall style. As you can tell from
the slightly faulty punctuation, however, these Previews are not
written by me but by a pseudo-me - by a pretender who flatters me with
this imitation.
There is a really uninteresting story behind why I my e-mail name is
Celeste801; and telling this story may be useful, because it will make
everything else interesting by contrast. I wanted to name myself just
plain Celeste. AOL said that name was already taken and suggested
Celeste801. I guess I should have made a counter-suggestion of
Celeste69 or Celeste469 or something; but I had no idea at the time
that I would be writing these reviews for more than a week or two. So
I became Celeste801. I assume Celeste802 got that name through a
similar decision process. Or maybe it's just an incredible
coincidence.
Anyway, this is an extremely well written parody of my Reviews. The
humor arises not from the parody of me per se (indeed, only the bd/sm
faction of a.s.s. would take delight in poking fun at a benign but
befuddled and sexy English teacher who is hardly a very cunning
linguist at all) - rather the humor arises from the parodies of the
individual stories that this author reviews. Read them and laugh!
Many of you will speculate about the actual authorship of this set of
pseudo-reviews. This isn't too hard to figure out. The author has
resorted to some primitive subterfuges. I initially ruled out Deirdre
as a suspect, because the story was too long and omitted apostrophes -
neither trait being typical of the Bard of Sulphur Springs. On the
other hand, the left side of my brain reasoned that perhaps Deirdre was
*indirectly* responsible - that is, she might have had one of her
numerous sex slaves write the story for her. However, I eventually
ruled Deirdre out altogether, because the parody of Deirdre's story was
itself weak - it involved neither mind control nor anal sex; and both
of these would have been obvious possibilities - especially at a place
like Kinko's.
To make a long explanation short, the key clue occurred in the author's
reference to the Ng Sisters. There are only four people on all of
a.s.s. who know that Ng rhymes neither with pig nor with pug but rather
is pronounced "ing." Since Ng is used as a verb ending in the present
story, that means that the author must be either myself, Backrub,
SueNH, or the Ng Sisters herself. {Note my mysterious but deliberate
use of "herself" for the apparently plural Ng Sisters. Check this out
in a forthcoming issue of the National Enquirer!} The rest of the
logic, my dear Watson, is so elementary that I won't bore you with the
details.
In short, I thoroughly enjoyed this essay and think you will too!
(Rating: 10)
"Hotel" by Peggy Dupuis. This is a story by one of those brave new
authors who not only post a first story but also send me a copy and ask
for a public review. This story reminded me a lot of the Alan Alda
movie "Same Time Next Year": a tale about two people, each happily
married to somebody else, but each drawn by an irresistible urge to
fuck their brains out with a new partner. In her cover message to me
the author said that she needed to find out if she had talent, and the
answer is clearly yes, she does. This is already a good story with a
major strength in conveying the ambivalent emotions a woman might feel
during a first extramarital romantic rendezvous. Another important
strength is that the story is relatively free of hackneyed cliches; the
images she evokes felt genuine.
Since this review immediately follows one in which I have been
caricatured as over-emphasizing punctuation, I have to be careful in
what I say next. The most serious shortcoming of this story arises
from the fact that it was not adequately proofread. There are numerous
grammatical errors that are just plain distracting. In addition, the
author goes into considerable depth on minor details that appear to be
of no subsequent importance and neglects others that could add to the
story if they were further developed. There are three closely related
reasons why the story has problems. (1) The author is so close to her
original ideas that the image she is trying to create is already clear
in her own head. Therefore, it's very difficult for her to look at her
own writing and say to herself, "Has my story evoked this emotion?"
The emotion already exists in her own mind while she rereads the story,
but that may possibly be because it was already there before she put
her fingers to the keyboard. (2) Once the author has written a
passage, it is very difficult to reread it to check grammar without
reading what she "knows" is there instead of what she really wrote.
(3) Authors have an irresistible urge to show the story to somebody.
They rush to press.
I know it is dangerous for a critic to cite her own writing as
exemplary; and so I hasten to point out that at least two of the 300
stories I have reviewed are possibly superior to my own recently posted
"Virtuous Reality." However, at risk of inviting comments accusing me
of smugness or condescension, I am going to point out how I myself
overcame the problems I mentioned in the preceding paragraph. I simply
found two competent critics who had not seen the story and asked them
to give me their honest reactions. Since neither of these two persons
already knew what emotions I was trying to convey, they each reacted
from their own perspective; and so I had a good way to evaluate the
extent to which I was already successful and that to which I needed to
make adjustments. Secondly, they easily noted and eagerly pounced on
my grammatical errors - almost all of which were typographical errors.
These errors were blatantly obvious to me once my reviewers flagged
them; but prior to that they were invisible to me - like most of you, I
don't have the patience to read each individual word when rereading
what I myself wrote, but these mistakes jumped out at my reviewers.
Finally, my access to these two reviewers at least partially satisfied
my need to share the story with a wider audience. I was still eager to
post the story, and I am still anxious to hear what more readers think
about "Virtuous Reality"; but I at least knew that I was on the right
track and that two intelligent people were having fun with my story.
The result of sharing the story with these two reviewers was a greatly
improved story. One major change was that I abandoned my original
intention to write a parody of a popular Jimmy Stewart movie and
shifted to a story that I think stands on its own legs pretty well. I
changed the title from "It's a Wonderful Sex Life" to "Virtuous
Reality." I added more action to the text. I became assured that my
attempts to convey a few of my favorite insights would not be viewed as
"preaching" by my intended audience. And so forth.
I am convinced that I have a major advantage compared to other others
in the fact that I have access to a NETWORK of readers and authors who
are willing to share their ideas with me. Had the author of this
present story been able to ship her story off to a good reviewer or two
before she posted it, she would have probably made adjustments prior to
publication; and the result would have been a rating of 10 instead of
6. However, my guess is that she couldn't do this, because she had no
idea where to look for such a person. After all, the normal sources of
peer feedback (parents, children, neighbors, English teachers,
babysitters, etc.) may respond with dismay to realize that one of their
friends or family members is a latent pervert who writes pornography.
To make a long review less long, I'll get right to my final point. I
think the network that this writer needs already potentially exists
here on a.s.s. This newsgroup is full of intelligent people who are
perfectly capable of giving authors pre-publication feedback. All we
have to do is make the connections. I personally do not usually have
time to make specific comments that would enable authors to improve
their stories before they post them. (I do so occasionally, and the
result is almost always an excellent story.) However, I am willing to
begin to compile a list of "Non-Celestial Reviewers" who would be
willing to interact with authors now and then to help them develop
their stories prior to publication. Doing this occasionally is
actually fun: the reviewer gets to see a good story before anyone else
gets to see it. So consider doing two things: (1) if you're willing to
be listed (name and e-mail address) as a possible reviewer, tell me so;
and (2) contact an author and tell him/her that you would be happy to
check out his or her next story prior to publication.
(Rating of current story in its present format: 6)