Celestial Reviews 37 - Nov 15, 1995
Note: I am posting my Celestial Summary for the second time today.
This is a list of all the stories I have reviewed, along with an
extremely brief summary and my rating of each story. I posted it first
on November 8, and I am posting it again today. Between these two
dates authors may have reposted stories that appear in this Summary.
That will enable readers to find stories that they may wish to read. I
also reposted on Saturday November 11 all of the Celestial Reviews that
I have written up till now. I have reposted these on alt.sex.stories.d
(not on alt.sex.stories). Those of you who have requested copies can
download them at this time. This is the last time I'll do this; it's
simply getting too difficult to repost so many reviews. If someone has
a better idea, I'll be happy to cooperate.
Second Note: I sincerely appreciate the e-mail I receive from readers.
Please understand that I would like to respond individually and in
detail to everyone who writes to me, but my time limitations often
prohibit this. I hope you will accept my column as my response to your
communications. It seems to me that people are enjoying my writing,
and that makes me feel good.
- Celeste
"Basement" by Deirdre (whipping) 8
"Found" by Deirdre (whipping) 9
"House" by Deirdre (female domination) 10
"Key" by Deirdre (voyeurism & submission) 7
"Merge" by Deirdre (sex slaves) 9
"Trip" by Deirdre (threesomes & wife swapping) 10
"Firsts" by Mike Bohner (outdoor sex) 5
"Something I Didn't Expect" by David W. Morgan
(romantic passion) 5
"All Dressed Up and No One to Blow" by Mistral (cross-
dressing) 9
"Grand Ground Round Roundly" by Benjamin Griffin
(mindless drivel) 1
"Teacher's Pet" by Brian Tidlund (hot sex with Mlle French
Teacher) 10
"Basement" by Deirdre (an65862@anon.penet.fi). Deirdre has posted
several new stories, and I have decided to review all of these at once.
Then I'll continue with the reposts next week. In this one the man and
his wife have secretly admitted to each other that although they would
not like to be whipped themselves, they would both like to beat a woman
for a sexual thrill. Then one day the guy comes home to find a woman
bound in his basement and his wife with a grin on her face. What's
going on here? (Rating: 8)
"Found" by Deirdre (an65862@anon.penet.fi). A woman's boyfriend
undergoes hypnosis in her presence, and she finds out (1) that her
boyfriend loves her and (2) that he would really like to whip her. Her
friend debates with her the rights and wrongs of accepting the
whipping. Like most of Deirdre's stories, this one has a surprise
ending; but unlike most of her stories, this one is perfectly plausible
in real life. (Rating: 9)
"House" by Deirdre (an65862@anon.penet.fi). OK. I'm going to try
again. I'll write the review *while* I review a Deirdre story and try
to guess what's going to happen. At the very beginning we find out
that Gwen lives alone in an extremely large house and has invited Ms.
Billings inside to show it to her. I'll bet she has a sexual torture
chamber in the basement! OK, I've read further, and I have found out
Gwen takes in college kids borders. That means that I may have been
right about the machines in the basement, but the main plot will be
that Gwen has a bunch of sex slaves that serve and pamper her. The
surprise ending will be that Ms. Billings will move in with Gwen as a
sex slave. Ooops! The nine borders are all boys and are reputed to
have girl friends. Maybe we have a simple bordello here. OK. Now one
of the boys is undressing and letting Gwen and Ms. Billings fondle his
genitals. My main theory is holding up all right. Ooops! One of the
boys is showing off for Gwen and Jenny by sticking his cock into
another boy's ass. I wasn't expecting this, but my overall theory
still sounds good: sex slaves and Ms. Billings will move in. I'll skip
a few details that simply confirm my hypothesis.
Two girls have arrived. I think the one named Jenny is probably a
recruiter and assistant mistress. The other girl, Carla, seems to be
an outsider. Ms. Billing and Carla have secretly plotted to get away
after dinner. But now dinner is finsihed and Carla has been missing
for a long time. I think she's being recruited and will decide to
stay. OK. I've read further. Still no sign of Carla, but Jenny and
Randy have fucked Ms. Billings and have hidden her clothes; but she has
found a key to get out of the room and is dressed in a bath robe,
intending to escape. The action is getting hot and heavy. Aha! While
looking for an escape route, Ms. Billings has wandered into the
basement; and people are chained to the walls, and one of the girls is
holding a whip! There are a few final details; but I did pretty well
this time. (Rating: 10)
"Key" by Deirdre (an65862@anon.penet.fi). A woman is upset because she
and her husband are not getting along, and she knows he still has in
his possession sexy pictures of her. She recovers them and turns them
over to her friend for safekeeping; but the control has simply passed
from her husband to her friend. (Rating: 7)
"Merge" by Deirdre (an65862@anon.penet.fi). I'm going to try another
*in vivo* review. This approach is fun, and it's also a good way to
read a story. If you have reading problems, you should try this
yourself: always make predictions and confirm or reject them while you
are reading the story. Even if they don't realize they are doing so,
good readers use this approach automatically. One of the reasons good
grammar and effective writing styles (like Deirdre's) are important is
because these factors enable readers to make and test their predictions
without being distracted by extraneous garbage like run-on sentences.
I learned this information in a graduate course on teaching reading to
adolescents; and I have found it to be true. So if you need an excuse
to read these stories, tell people you're developing your reading
skills by making and testing hypotheses while reading fictional textual
material. The same approach works with textbooks and business reports.
After reading the first few lines I have concluded that the title
refers to a business merger: companies will merge, and employees are
worried about being laid off. I have no idea how sex will fit into
this story yet; but since the initial focus is that no one will be laid
off, I'm going to assume that they'll all be kept as sex slaves.
(French artists have blue periods. Deirdre wrote all these stories
within the last two months, and I think she's in a comparable period -
a sex-slave motif seems to be dominant right now. It's as good a guess
as any.)
Several paragraphs later, our protagonist is attending a meeting with
seven other women. I still don't know whether Henderson (the new owner
of the company) is a man or a woman. I'll read on. Wait a minute!
People are walking around nude at the meeting! Did I miss something?
I just checked; and up till now I've had no evidence that people were
naked. This was an interesting surprise. Now Tamera (our protagonist)
is going naked into the next room, where a bunch a people dressed in
suits are checking out her external sexual machinery. This is a
drastic change from what I thought I was reading, but my theory of sex
slaves isn't looking bad at all.
Some sort of selection process is taking place, and Tamera is rejected
because it takes too long for her vagina to become properly lubricated.
But her mouth seems to function effectively when it is joined to the
test apparatus. Sex slaves is sounding good. To make a long story
short - sex slaves it was! You'll have to read the story to get all
the details. I enjoyed this weird story even though I was on the track
all the way because of my wild guess; a person encountering more
surprises might enjoy it even more. (Rating: 9)
"Trip" by Deirdre (an65862@anon.penet.fi). Something has gone awry in the
Universe. As you may know, I have a theory that Deirdre is really Sherwood
Anderson reincarnated. Now I discover that she's my husband!! Or perhaps
Sherwood Anderson has bilocated while being reincarnated. All I know is that
when I nudged my husband in the middle of the night a month or so ago and
said, "Do you ever think of doing it with another woman?" he replied, "A nice
thought, but you are all I want." Those very words appear in this story! I
guess other possible explanations are that Deirdre has been sleeping with my
husband, that Deirdre has a recording device in our bedroom, or that maybe
millions of husbands and wives regularly recite this same dialogue; but the
bilocative reincarnation is more in line with a Deirdre story.
A major difference is that the fictitious Deirdre is more persistent than the
real-life Celeste in bringing the threesome fantasy to fruition. Actually,
Deirdre has another one of her surprise endings here; and I doubt that you'll
guess it, even if you're looking for it. (Rating: 10)
"Firsts" by Mike Bohner (MEBOHN0@UKCC.uky.edu). This week I noticed
that rec.arts.erotica has come back to life, and the moderator is
cross-posting those stories to alt.sex.stories. Feeling that this
might be a source of good stories, I decided to check a few of them
out. As you will see, the quality is extremely uneven. After I read a
few, I discovered that the average rating I gave to these stories
appeared to be lower than what I typically give to an a.s.s. story.
However, that's an unfair comparison, because I tend to look only at
*good* a.s.s. stories - many of them sent to me by authors who are
known to be excellent writers.
The first rec.arts.erotica story I read was about a man and a woman who
go rock climbing and fuck on the rocks. The guy gets it orally and
gives it to her vaginally and anally. That's about all there is to it.
The story is rushed, unimaginative, and poorly proofread. I had
expected better from a newsgroup that claimed to be "moderated."
(Rating: 5)
"Something I Didn't Expect" by David W. Morgan
(d_morgan@ix.netcom.com). As I am reading my second story from
rec.arts.erotica, I have come to realize that all "moderated" means is
that these stories are screened to make sure they are actually stories,
as opposed to "me too" or "wannafuck" postings. There is no sense in
which the first two stories are superior to the stories that I have
previously proofread on a.s.s.
This one started out with confused verb tenses; then I came to this gem
of a sentence: "She turned, and although I couldn't see her hands, I
heard her zipper slide down, and watched as she slid her skirt over her
shapely hips, until they lay on the floor around her ankles." As I
understand this sentence, it means that the skirt was so tight that it
forced her hips to slide down onto the floor beneath her ankles; of
course the author may be wrong about this, because he is watching what
he can't see. Oookaaaay....
Actually, the story is not bad - it's just marred by faulty
proofreading. Although it's more of a snippet than a whole story, the
sexual action is passionate. I would like to see more stories by this
author; but he should finish them and proofread them before posting
them. (Rating: 5)
All Dressed Up and No One to Blow by Mistral (ribald@iglou.com). It
wasn't until I was 590 words (61 lines) into this story that I suddenly
realized that the narrator who was getting dressed up in sexy female
clothing was a man cross-dressing as a woman! (I should have become
suspicious when the "other" girl was named Rocky.) I like that kind of
writing - when the author really lays a surprise on me. Of course, now
you won't be surprised; but this is a well-written story, and I would
be astonished if you wouldn't be surprised by something else.
Frankly, in real life, I would find the type of sex described in this
story to be repulsive; I don't think it would be possible to get me
interested in this type of activity. On the other hand, I found the
description to be extremely erotic. I consider that to be a sign of
good writing. (Rating: 9)
Grand Ground Round Roundly by Benjamin Griffin
(bgriffin@ic.sunysb.edu). This story is absolute proof that a
"moderated group" doesn't necessarily have quality control. If we
assume that it's written by a used tampon or by a toilet seat, it's
pretty impressive; otherwise, this "story" is mindless drivel. Maybe
it's a put-on and I missed the joke. The best aspect of the story was
its brevity. (Rating: 1)
"Teacher's Pet" by Brian Tidlund (tidlund@ibm.net). The senior high
school French student has the hots for the teacher, and the feeling is
reciprocal. So neither is exactly upset when he has to see her after
school for tutoring. Cherchez la femme! Oui! The story is well
written - even though the author manages to break nearly every rule in
Celestial Grammar 1.2 Perhaps he needs tutoring - n'est-ce pas?
Actually, this is a good example of when not to make a fuss over
grammar. Even though I naturally favor correct grammar, these errors
are the kind that many college-bound seniors make; and so the story
gains authenticity by appearing to be written by a high school student
(even though we know that's impossible, because high school students
are not allowed to read this newsgroup). In addition, the errors were
spread out enough that I was not annoyed - I just skipped right past
them.
A note to you concerned parents. In most high schools, the teachers
are not lecherous sex fiends. Nearly all of us can actually carry on a
conversation with well hung students without getting even mildly moist
in our cunts or getting a raging hard-on. On the other hand, I suspect
some of my students have similar fantasies about me; and I certainly
have *fantasies* about students. For my part, I fantasize about
fictional students or maybe the basketball players on the opposing
team, because I have a vague feeling that practicing mental sex with my
own students could backfire. This story should take care of me for a
while.
This is a good, hot story. I noticed that the author has a whole
series of these Teacher's Pet stories. I hope the others are equally
good. This one ended with the two lovers deciding that she would...
Ooops! You almost got me there! (Rating: 10)
TIP OF THE WEEK: In each issue of Celestial Reviews I present one of
the guidelines from Celestial Grammar, which I have posted on alt
sex.stories.d. and which I'll continue to develop and revise from time
to time. My theory is that if all of these tips were followed, about
95% of the really distracting errors in a.s.s. stories would be
eliminated. (The other 5% will eventually be covered in Advanced
Celestial Grammar.) I was going to name this part of the column TIP OF
THE {something sexual}, but I thought the innuendo might detract from
the sober serious business at hand. Because I've spent so much time on
reposting reviews this week, I have not had time to write a new Tip.
I'll try to be back on track next week.