Celestial Reviews 16 - September 2, 1995

Note:

      "Island in Winter" by Erostos (m/m sex) 7
      "The Spa" by Sean. 5
      "Wilma and Betty" by Ann Douglas (cartoon sex) 6
      "Dana" by Dirty Dawg (romance) 6
      "Tight Jeans" by Wendy (department store sex) 5 
      "Ellen" by Dirty Dawg (romance/first time) 10
      "Thunder" by DigiDeity (romance/first time) 8
      "Sunday Brunch" by Armchair Deviant (hot sex on
           a lazy morning) 6
      "In Your Mouth and Mine" by Tammy Ng (oral sex) 10
      "PLA Tiger" by Zhong (rape) 10

"Island in Winter" by Erostos (rwr@external.umass.edu).  This is my 
third story by this author, and I liked the other two better.  The 
actual descriptions of sexual activity in this story are interesting 
and I would assume erotic to people more into m/m sex than I am.  The 
weakness I saw in this story was in the lack of tension or buildup 
compared to the author's other stories.  Not a bad story - just not up 
to the standards set by my earlier experiences. (Rating: 7)

"The Spa" by Sean (megason@mail.utexas.edu).  This author tantalizes 
me.  He keeps coming up with good story lines, but then fails to 
develop them.  In this story a woman takes her friend who is going to 
get married to a spa where the masseuse serves up massages that are 
styled upon seafood selections from a menu.  (Technical note: A 
"masseuse" that has an eight-inch cock without strapping it on is 
properly referred to as a "masseur".)  For example, an "octopus" calls 
for eight fingers nicely inserted in the pussy.  She has a very good 
time.  Is my last sentence confusing?  Do you know who "she" is?  Well, 
try a whole story where one person is referred to as "she" and the 
other as "her friend" - except that sometimes her friend is also 
referred to as "she" - and see if you don't get a lot more confused 
about who's doing what to whom.  Then remove all the apostrophes and 
94% of the commas from the story, and see if you don't start to get 
really annoyed.  I don't understand - does this author think it's a 
mark of distinction or stylistic elegance to deliberately omit all 
punctuation?  Maybe he was abused by a really ugly English teacher - 
but weren't we all?  I guess I sound negative, but I just get 
frustrated when I see a really creative idea blown really badly.  
(Rating: 5)

"Wilma and Betty: A Flintstone Story" by Ann Douglas 
(an309642@anon.penet.fi).  Aside from the "Yaba Daba Doo" while she was 
masturbating with the saber tooth tiger tooth, there is little that 
makes this story an authentically Flintstone parody.  It's a tale of 
two women who find life boring with their husbands and have enjoyable 
sex with each other instead of their mates.  As such, it's not a bad 
story; but it's not really great either.  Missing are Ann Douglas's 
usual character development and attention to interesting details.  
(Rating: 6)

"Dana" by Dirty Dawg (drambo@primenet.com).  The other three stories I 
reviewed by this author (all in Celestial Reviews 15) received ratings 
of 10.  This one doesn't measure up.  The sex is actually hotter, but 
the context just isn't there.  In all four stories we have a man loving 
a woman from afar, while the woman is seeking sexual satisfaction 
elsewhere.  In each case the woman eventually comes to her senses and 
returns to the man and finds true happiness.  In this story, however, 
the drama and character development that turn a corny story into a good 
one are missing.  There just isn't a good reason to believe that this 
guy should be so happy about the prospects of his future with this 
woman.  (Rating: 6)

"Tight Jeans" by Wendy (an229873@anon.penet.fi).  So this young woman 
goes to buy herself a pair of really tight-fitting jeans.  But she 
forgets to bring along her pair of pliers.  (I myself have never had 
the experience of buying a pair of jeans that was so tight that I 
needed a pair of pliers to pull them up over my shapely ass.  Somehow, 
elastic has always seemed an easier solution.  But I guess this is a 
reasonable possibility.)  So anyhow, the woman asks the saleswoman to 
come in and act as the surrogate pliers.  She obliges and then gets a 
little carried away and basically starts to rape the woman.  The woman 
decides that having sex with the saleswoman isn't such a bad idea after 
all, and so they have passionate sex in the dressing room.  The 
descriptions of the sex scenes are well written, but not particularly 
hot.  Am I in a bad mood, are am I on a streak of relatively weak 
stories?  The problem with this story is that it's basically a good 
ending with no beginning or middle; there's not much reason for having 
sex in the first place in this story and no tension or buildup at all.  
(Rating: 5)

"Ellen" by Dirty Dawg (drambo@primenet.com).  What a relief!  For a 
while there, I thought maybe I was getting too picky.  After so many 
10's in Celestial Reviews 15, I was on a string of stories that were 
not bad, but also not really excellent.  This one *is* really 
excellent.  The common theme in all of the stories I have read by this 
author is a person at first under-valuing another person and then 
falling deeply in love with that person.  (I guess some diversity would 
be good.  Nothing in these stories really surprises me, once I know who 
the author is.  If this sounds monotonous, just don't read too many of 
this author's romantic stories in one week.)  In this case, the story 
is told from the perspective of the woman, who is older and more 
experienced than the man.

The sex in this story is both tender and hot by any standard.  However, 
what I liked best about this story was its intelligent treatment of an 
adult virgin's initiation into sexual activity.  Having participated in 
such an activity myself, I am sometimes annoyed when a.s.s. authors 
tend to treat rapists, pedophiles, and enthusiasts of D&s, water 
sports, and all kinds of other activities as normal and adult virgins 
as freaks.  (Don't flame me.  I'm not down on D&s or water sports.  
Read on!)

I do not mean this as criticism of non-virgins.  This is not a call to 
repent!  I truly see no harm in fantasizing about and participating in 
a wide range of sexy activities; and I do not demand that everyone 
subscribe to my own value system.  But I would like to request simple 
equality for virgins.  Not all of us who made it to adulthood as 
virgins are destined to be permanently less responsive sexually than 
those who started doing it when they were twelve or thirteen years old 
(nor, I might add, are we necessarily morally superior).  All I am 
saying is that pre-marital virginity is a viable lifestyle choice and 
actually a pretty good choice in the modern world; and my husband and I 
have had the audacity to recommend it for our children.  There really 
can be something beautiful in having one's first sexual experience 
occur as part of a loving and consensual adult relationship.  (Hell, I 
actually married the guy before we made love!  Why should I have to be 
embarrassed about that?  Our relationship has worked out wonderfully.)  
Why are there no stories at all on a.s.s. about people who wait till 
they are married to have sex?  I'm not demanding that people adopt this 
practice - just recommending it over some other alternatives.  

Anyhow, this story does a good job of describing such a first 
experience - and lots of subsequent "firsts."  The sexually experienced 
woman at first thinks she will control her partner or at least have to 
teach her inexperienced lover about sex, and he also initially 
subscribes to this belief; but by the end of the story it becomes 
obvious that he is bringing as much to this really hot relationship as 
she is. (Rating: 10)

"Thunder" by DigiDeity (digideity@aol.com).  This is the story of two 
young lovers, who have known each other for a long time, but go off to 
a forest one fine day to explore their bodies and feelings together.  A 
thunderstorm conveniently sets a romantic atmosphere for their sexual 
initiations.  In spite of my protestations in the previous review, I 
would have *loved* to have experienced sex the first time this way and 
at this age.  Actually, getting naked and fucking in the woods without 
proper protection or thinking about the consequences would be a dumb 
idea; but it sure sounds romantic.  If I were going to improve this 
story, I would proofread it to remove obvious grammatical problems and 
would add just a little more character development to enable us to 
understand the actions and feelings of these two people a little 
better.  The author wonders if he should write more.  I think so.  
(Rating: 8)

"Sunday Brunch" by Armchair Deviant (edselnet@supernet.ab.ca) In a 
nutshell, the guy wakes up, reads the newspaper, has breakfast, and 
then goes back and has passionate sex with his wife.  (I don't think it 
specifically says anywhere in this story that these two people are 
married; but they sure act like they are.)  It's really pretty hot sex.  
But the grammar sucks metaphorically about as much as the protagonists 
do literally.  I don't get it.  I can understand why a person would not 
want to bother with grammar and spelling while writing lurid prose.  I 
can honestly believe that the author may have had more important things 
on his/her mind.  But is it really so important to rush the story to 
press that there's no time to proofread it?  Does the author really 
think that its aseasy to read asentenCE thats allfuckedup like this one 
as to read something that looks like the writer gives a damn?  Does he 
just not care that he comes across as illiterate?  Does he not realize 
that it would be polite to follow some simple rules of English 
expression?  

Actually, the Armchair Deviant isn't the only author who does this, nor 
is he the worst.  Maybe it's just the beginning of another school year.  
Sometimes I think that the best way to prevent kids from fucking one 
another so much and getting pregnant or acquiring socially transmitted 
diseases would be to make sexual intercourse mandatory - or at least to 
give them exams on it.  Why not?  We mandate grammar and give tests on 
it, and the main effect seems to be that kids avoid grammar completely.  
I'd better read a Deidre or Tammy Ng story real soon, or I'm going to 
be a pain in bed tonight.  In summary: the story's good, if you're 
willing to work at reading it.  (Rating: 6)

"In Your Mouth and Mine" by Tammy Ng (deidreng@aol.com).  Never in her 
wildest, least erotic dreams did Tammy Ng imagine that someday an 
English teacher would use this story as a means of regaining her faith 
in human nature.  The story takes the form of a letter from Tammy to 
her somewhat less lascivious (actually, that's not saying much) sister 
Deidre.  It has something to do with voyeurism and oral sex.  For some 
reason my hand wandered while I was reading this story; and I have a 
vague, residual feeling of recent intense pleasure in my surprisingly 
moist nether regions.  But my main impression of this story is that it 
was well punctuated.  Not perfect, mind you, but well punctuated.  As 
the song says, Tammy is "close enough to perfect for me." Bless you, 
Tammy!  I needed that.  (Rating: 10)

PLA Tiger by Zhong (an113322@anon.penet.fi).  This is not a pleasant or 
sexy story, but I liked it.  The story is presented in the form of a 
letter from a Chinese soldier (PLA = People's Liberation Army) to his 
cousin, who apparently lives in America.  The letter describes in 
matter-of-fact manner activities (both sexual and non-sexual) that the 
soldier considers to be heroic, but which are in fact despicable.  Few 
readers will find the sexual activity to be at all attractive, except 
those who enjoy routine descriptions of rape.  It's an interesting 
combination of erotica and anti-Communist propaganda.  (Rating: 10)